Helluva Boss (2019) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Well howdy! I'm Cleetus-
welcome to heaven!
Guess you did somethin' good to get here.
And good people deserve to
give loved ones special blessin's!
Does it make you want to cry? ♪
When your loved one has to die. ♪
Does it hurt you
through and through- ♪
When your face is turnin' blue. ♪
Well luckily for you- ♪
Theres something we can do! ♪
We can help keep them alive- ♪
So you can watch them thrive! ♪
Cause here at ♪
C - H - E - R - U - B ♪
Save your honey bun from dying- ♪
Finally! ♪
Cause here at ♪
C - H - E - R - U - B ♪
Now we never even ask a fee! ♪
Because good ♪
people spread the love- ♪
And we're here for all above! ♪
We'll do the paper work for you- ♪
And the heavy liftin' too! ♪
So sit right back and let us- ♪
bless a soul, for you! ♪
Oh we, are the ♪
C - H - E - R - U - B ♪
Nice one, B.
Gimme another Moxx.
Eh, no not feelin it. NEXT!
Uh, huh. Keep going keep going keep goin'
I say, I say-
Are you lookin' to get work making
Craaaaazy contraptions, and goofy gadgets!
Well call me-
at Wacky Wally™ Wackford's
Wacky Idea "Factory"
Where you make the
things and I make the money!
Please. I'm very desperate.
Bingo!
Woo, yer on a roll sir!
Guys, do you feel that?
Oh shit, is that a hellshake?
That's possible?
All right. Don't panick Moxxie!
I'm not "panicking" because
hellquakes don't happen.
Stop getting hysterical fatty!
Do not be afraid!
Please tell me you
got that insurance thing.
Who are you and whaddya want?
I am Loopty Goopty.
Dastardly inventor of all
things loopy and loopish!
Coulda just use the door dude.
Doesnt need to be this whole thing.
I am eccentric and must
therefore do eccentric shit!
Oh, this old fuck just
reeks of the living world-
did you just die?
Yes! Moments ago in fact-
which is what brought me here!
Just sayin, the front door
would've gotten you here fine.
Shut up, dear furry!
This is the man I'm gonna need you to kill!
Not even a shits length of time in
hell and already plotting revenge-
I can respect a man
with that sort of passion!
I'm Blitzo the "o" is silent.
What "o"-
Aw thank you, now whats the tea sis?
The tea?
Guys help.
Yeah, why're we killin this guy-
I mean what did he do to you?
Moxxie agony noises
He was My business partner!
You see, I was not always an old man!
My partner Lyle and I ran-
Lyle-Loopty Robotics
and Technological Empire!
Earlier today we were
testing a new machine-
and did it to stop or
reverse the aging process.
It could have saved
all three trillionaires!
Unfortunately we neglected
to test the machine on the poor-
like we usually do!
We were too sure of our own genius!
But the machine was
accidentally set forward!
By the time we managed to get out-
it was too late!
At least for me.
Now that evil son of a bitch is
going to take over the empire-
we built together!
Without me to share it with, he'll make
all the god-damned money in the world-
and become the fourth
trillionaire and get all the credit!
Yeah thats not really evil.
It's evil towards me!
Everything is going dark.
Now get your crimson
asses up above and send that-
heartless, no-good, son of a
bitch to hell where he belongs!
You do know poopty-
Loopty
Of course, of course.
If we do kill him, though
and he ends up down here-
you know you will be
stuck with him. Forever.
Oh trust me-
I'm counting on it.
That's kinda hot.
Gee I wonder whose house this is.
And to your right is the
home of famous inventor-
Lyle Lipton.
Lets do it gang.
Lets kill this rich guy!
And here you'll find three tacky
stalkers about to attempt a murder!
Things like this can happen
to famous people all the time!
Wow-
that machine really did a number on him.
Goodbye my one true love.
All the riches of the world can't fill
the emptyness im feeling now that-
my shitty old body can't
do anything of value.
Oh fantastic he's gonna do our job for us!
Should we go in there and tie it for him?
Oh lord, I'm being haunted
by ugly orphan children now!
Who the fuck are they?
Oh no, sir those are-
Cherubs, mister Lyle!
I hate filthy stinking orphan children!
We're here to convince
you not to kill yourself sir-
to grant you a blessing on
behalf of those in heaven-
benefited by your amazing
technological advances!
Oh HELL no!
Dont listen to-
Lyle Lipton, it is our-
humble opinion that you should
continue the process to commit die.
I mean whaddyu expect to do
with all this money now you're old.
And gross.
Is that a serious question?
He can help spread his wealth
around with the people of the world!
And do so much good
with it, and be so fulfilled!
No.
He could pay for new hospitals and schools!
Why wont you let me die?
Oh sounds like you need
help offing yourself there buddy-
Moxxie what do we got for this fella?
I have some assault weapons,
crossbow, hunting bow, tommy gun, old
fashioned shotgun, revolvers in
three colors, chainsaws, katanas-
He's classier than that!
There are still plenty of
reasons to live Mister Lyle.
Yeah right! Smells like he
aint been outta bed in months!
Life can be beautiful at any age-
and we'll show him!
Yeah!
No!
Look around Lyle. God's gift
of nature is a wonder to behold-
regardless of age, or wealth!
If you were to end your life
you'd be missing all of this!
Mhm, you gonna buy that load of
shit form a baby and the sheep it fucks?
That is so inappropriate!
Oh kiss our ass, prude!
Anyway take it from me a fellow genius.
Nature is no picnic up close.
Oh no!
S-stop looking!
I can't stop! I've never wanted
to die more than I do now!
Heheh, let's check out someplace else
Oh lord. Where are we now?
Let me perish!
We're here to show you
another thing life is worth living for!
Childhood wonderment!
Why, look at those sweet
disease-ridden vermin.
Their joy comes from innocence,
unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood.
And their middle
class existence.
Such simple joy they
have. It is inspiring.
Thank you for showing me this.
Hey! Dipshit. Wanna see
whose lap you're sitting on?
Eh, this place reeks of teenagers!
Lovers' Lookout, sir!
We're here to remind you about
possibly life's greatest joy of all-
Money.
No!
Love.
I've never been in love before.
I imagine it's quite nice.
It's not too late sir. You can still find-
Hah! Nice try, ugly.
Hey horny lovers, which one
of you would fuck this old man?
You know you three
are so utterly c-c-cruel.
We're just trying to give
hope to someone in need.
Oh. And you three are so superior to us-
just because we want some selfish, greedy,
authoritarian, capitalist to keel over dead!
You're making things too real now Moxxie.
Behold! The wonder of art and music!
Something always here to
comfort, entertain, and live for!
So. How do we make this bad?
We can't. There's literally
nothing bad about opera.
That's fact.
Unless we ruin it somehow.
She's not very good.
Oh. At least we made it bad.
Thats it! I have had it.
You three monsters have
messed with us enough!
We're just trying to do our j-j-job!
Well so are we.
Enough!
We are saving that shitty old
man's life whether he wants it or not!
Well someone wants that fucker dead.
Mmkay and he paid in
advance and I spent it all on this.
So he's gotta go.
You are all such disgusting,
loathesome, beasts.
Your kind is nothing but dirt!
That shitty dead people tread on!
And now you're trying to
meddle with the lives of humans?!
So are you!
So why don't you shut your trap-
you judgemental, cotton
candy, tit havin, bitch!
Filthy demon!
It's all starting to make sense now!
Life is worth living
because we only get one!
We must cherish it!
If creatures far beyond this living world
are going through these lengths over my life.
Then certainly it's worth living.
Killing myself is not the answer.
Plus! I'm still rich!
I can just buy all the things!
I no longer crave death!
Oh, you fucker!
Well, well, wouldya look at that.
You did our job for us! Heh!
Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh, Ohmygod!
Get ahold of yourself, Colin!
And do NOT use the lord's name in vain!
This isn't over.
What the?
Mmm, yeah no sorry Cleetus-
but I'm afraid your actions
resulted in the death of a human
I'm afraid you can re-enter heaven yeah No.
WHAT?
Yeeeaaaah mmmmmm sorrryyyyy.
Yeahhhhhhh no.
Is there anything we can do?
Yeah, no. No, no, no.
Ohhhhhh.
No.
But we didn't mean to
we'd never it was all
Anyway sorry guys, but
those are the rules, yeah.
Bye!
Wait!
Welp the old man wanted to
live again and we didnt kill him so-
we failed. Thanks to those fuckin
cherubs he's probably up in heaven now-
so, it's a shame.
All our client wanted was eternal
revenge on his business partner-
and now the two are forever separated and
now we gotta face the fire of fuckin up.
Sir? When are you going to tell the client?
Oh I already sent him
a text and we're in good-
hands cause texts
don't make people angry.
Blitzo.
Loofah, we can explain everything, I was-
Lyle Lipton?
I don't understand. We
thought you went to Heaven?
Heaven? You don't make millions in
technological advances and robotics-
by NOT experimenting on the poor!
Oh you no-good heartless son of a bitch!
Thank you for reuniting
me with my best friend!
The only question now is what
do two old genius robotic inventors-
do now that we're in hell?
Did someone say, I say inventors?
'Names Wally Wackford and I am
looking for creative new people to exploit!
I mean employ
Everyone STOP fuckin up my walls.
Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit.
Ah chill out Moxxie if you kiss my
ass any harder you'll go right inside me.
Satans balls! First we deal with
Heaven's table scraps now this?
I guess? You can say, you say. You
have a "holey operation" here, Blitzo.
Get out.
I say ho!
No, I'm serious get the FUCK OUT!