Helluva Boss (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

The Harvest Moon Festival

I'm sorry for having to move our little rendezvous early.
I have en engagement this month on the full moon.
When this happens, it's not really something I fuss about.
But do you really need the book for this farm bullshit?
I have like 15 new clients waiting for heads to roll.
As shocking as it may seem, Blitzy, my grimoire is actually incredibly important.
And it isn't supposed to be lend out to itty-bitty imps like yourself.
- Ugh.
The harvest moon is a very special occasion! It's been my annual duty to showcase it in the ring of wrath.
It's celebrated by a very charming little festival with the locals.
Wrath, huh? My employees are from there.
I've never really been - I hear it's full of inbred chucklefucks.
Oh! Why don't you all join me at the festival?
I can guarantee you all special access. Mhehehe.
Look, I told you: we're not bodyguards.
Okay? That was a one-time thing we did badly.
I'm simply offering a work-free day of fun.
I feel quite safe at the harvest festival. It's the same every year.
Well, if you promise this isn't some fuckfest invite
It does sound like it could be a blast and a half.
Plus, it's not like we can do jack shit without your book, anyway.
Aww, I'm sowwy your cwients will have to wait
- Oh, fuck my clients!
What do you want, sir?
Hey! Hope I didn't wake ya Moxx.
How would you and Mills wanna visit the wrath ring for some harvest bullshit this year?
The harvest moon festival? Yee-fucking-haw!
- Ugh. Well, Millie likes the idea.
Wait Where are you calling from?
Mmhmm. Of course.
Momma! Daddy!
- Yee-haw! How's me diddily little pumpkin spice doing?
I'm good Pa! Thanks for letting us stay here for the harvest jamboree.
It's no trouble! We know you ain't making as much anymore since ya'll went "freelance".
Freelance pays fine Ma! We're doing fine.
It's fine.
Anyway! Ya'll remember my husband Moxxie.
- Greetings Gwen, Joe!
How have you been with all the flaming twisters and stuff around here?
We lost our old farmhead to one of them terrors last week.
- Hehe Hehe. Oh. Oh crumbs. M-my bad! Hehe.
I am so sorry. I didn't mean to open that wound, sir.
- Hey! Watch it, I'm the sir here, bucko!
Oh yeah! Ya'll haven't met my boss Blitz.
And his hellhound!
I'm not just his hellhound.
- Yeah! She's my daughter.
Only on paper.
Ya'll don't deserve to know my name.
It's a pleasure to finally meet the sperm and egg factory that popped out this little gem of an assassin.
You two raised a sturdy bitch!
Hehehehe! That we did!
So, Blitz is it? Hehe, that's a fine name.
It reminds me of war.
- Ah. Nothing like a little war to make a strong man.
I like you people.
- You know, more battles were won by technological advances in warfare.
I've researched the history of weaponry extensively.
And it's inspiring how, for example, the progression of guns utilizing
angelic technology has changed the landscape of hell's combative
I mean war fun.
Guns get the job done.
But a man ain't nothing if he can't tear the head
off a hellish beast with only his bare hands.
Hah! He's right Moxxie, you've got cwute liddle baby hands like your baby dick.
- Refrain, sir.
Speaking of strong hands; ya'll should meet our newest help.
Hey! Striker!
Well, howdy. Oh looky here!
You must be the famous Mildred. Heard some
good things about you from your folks, little lady.
- Oh. giggles ♪
- What are ya'll doing so far away from imp city?
Hah, the free working finally slowing down?
Oh no, freelance isn't free. It's a never mind.
We're just visiting for the festival.
The prince is our boss's boyfriend!
Millie, I am not above hitting a female in front of her daddy.
Boss, huh? Oh!
So you're the bold imp to start up his own killin' biz?
Yeah, well, when you're good at something you should probably capitalize.
Not many imps start businesses on their own.
That's pretty impressive, sir.
Oh. Yeah? It I I, I, I guess.
I guess it is, isn't it?
So you even conned that ditzy blue-blood into getting you to the surface?
Oh, it's long and complicated.
But the short answer is yes.
But he's not like, you know we're not, like
We're not doing I we.. what's betwe.. it's a transactional fucking, you see.
You know, you boys should enter the pain games.
- I heard games. What games? I'm in.
Every harvest festival there's a competition to
be the roughest, toughest, bastard in wrath!
Yeah! Wish I could play.
Millie, you know you get too carried away.
The last competiton ended in 15 seperate funerals.
I'm aware! But I only caused 9 of them!
How come Sally-Mae still gets to compete?
Your sister doesn't have a neighborhood head count.
- She SO does!
It doesn't count if they don't find the body!
- Grrrr.
Still, you get to root for her and your brothers.
And now you can cheer on your boss!
You know, she can also cheer for me.
- Hahahaha! Wait, you?
Yeah! I could compete, can't I?
- Sorry boy, but I don't think sensitive vespian types would last very long in the games.
I was born here too! I have some fight in me.
- Huh. Well then little fella, would you help me wrangle one of them hogs for dinner?
Simple. Watch me.
- Nah, with these. Bullets can't pierce the shell.
You gotta get the knive underneath and pry yourself an opening.
Oh! Right, right. I knew that.
- Now, just remember, your rep with the in-laws is on the line here.
So no pressure at all. You totally will NOT make an
ass of yourself in front of everyone important in your life.
Go get them tiger.
- Oh.
Moxx, you don't need to do this.
- Oh he totally does. Kick his ass Moxxie, yeah!
Fuck yeah Moxxie! Ride him Moxxie!
Make him that bitch you won't call back in the morning!
This is fucking beautiful.
- Doing great Moxxie! Send me that video later.
Nng, ow. My clavicle!
- Don't worry little one. You never stood a chance.
Hey boss man! You wanna help the men skin this thing for dinner?
Oh I am always down to skin the manly meat with the manly men.
- That's what she said.
What who said? Wait what BITCH is talking SHIT about ME?
Don't let him get to you. And hey, you don't need my parents to respect you.
They will eventually.
Naw they won't.
What? I'm right, ain't I?
Oh I'm entering those games.
How pissed would you be if I bet on him dying?
Welcome, I say, welcome all to wrath ring's annual harvest moon festival!
To kick things off, we have the great prince
Stolas here to usher in this here pain game.
Ohoho. How kind, Wackford. Greetings tiny wrath ring imps.
I hereby welcome you all to another year of celebrating the spoils
of your labor that continue to feed the citizens of hell.
I'm happy to kick off the start of these games that will
challenge the toughest imps to show their skill and dominance.
Good luck to you all!
Especially that sexy little one there. Yoohoo!~ Blitzy!~
Ugh. Fuck me.
Say, I say, for the first year ever we have tie for winner of the harvest moon pain games.
The winners are Striker and my darling Blitzy!
- Just say my name right! Fucking dick.
Alright, so he has the physical advantage.
I'm better in other things. Like singing.
I'd like to take this opportunity to sing a quick song I wrote just now about me winning.
- Oh what the fuck!
Sweet victory.
I smell the smell.
From up in stinkin' heaven to the rugged rocks of hell.
Sweet victory.
With everything I do.
With every talent I'm so much more talented than you.
Isn't this guy great?
- False!
It's gonna be nice working with him.
- Working with? What?
Yeah! I asked him if he wants to join I.M.P.
- You asked? But
Moxx, I think you've had enough for now.
Let's head back to the house and get you clean.
why don't you go fuck yourself?
Did you hear something? It was just the wind.
Thank you. You're too kind.
Well THAT's troubling.
Oh my crumbs. A genuine carmine crafted blessing tipped rifle!
How how in the fuck did he get one of these?
Why don't you ask me, little dude?
- Shit! W-why do you have this mister!
You are aware this kind of weapon can kill
- Demon royalty.
Yes, that.
- No shit. That's kind-of the point.
Okay. While I am relatively concerned by your possesion of this,
I'm also glad my instant dislike of you has been validated.
Hehehe. Pathetic.
I'd kill ya'll but I feel like there's more leverage with your rodeo clown of a boss if I don't.
Plus you little things ain't worth the cleanup.
Millie! Oh Satan.
- Moxxie I'm fine. I got worse than this during the flower tuffs in my brother's wedding.
But I caught that fucking bouquet and it was fucking worth it.
You just have to get out there and fuck up that brown-nosing cocksucker for me.
But I can't break through it! I'm not strong enough.
- Not with your hands, baby. Use what you're good at.
I'm not good with my hands?
Oh! Right. Yeah, yeah.
I I probably should've used this earlier, huh? Hehe.
- I love you hun. But for fuck's sake!
My dear commoners of the ring of wrath. I, Stolas of the Ars Goetia
hereby curse this year's harvest with the glow of the true harvest moon!
Uh, excuse me. The FUCK?
- Blitz! I thought you were still at the ceremony.
You think I wanted to stand around with a bunch of hillbillies
excited about corn and shit with a thirsty owl on stage?
Hm. Now you seem disappointed in me.
Yeah. Well, I'm not a fan of someone I offered a job to
about to off my easiest lengthy ticket to earth behind my back.
Blitz, come on. You know the two of us are superior to most of our kind.
And you are so above sucking on a disgusting rich pompous Goetia only to
sneak topside for scraps and work for bitter sinners who could care less who you are.
When you could be slaying overlords.
Why struggle to run a business that is rigged against you?
When you could partner up with me and kill the unkillable.
Starting with the one that treats you like a plaything.
Ooh that's kinda hot.
- We could be the most dangerous beings in hell, Blitz.
Well, that was a good fucking bitch.
- Been workshoppin' it.
You know what? Fuck it. I'm in.
Took ya long enough, Moxx!
Haha! Wow, you should've seen your dipshit face.
Wow. Whoah. Okay, cliche much?
Oh you daddy fucker.
You dumbfucks lost the upper hand fast, huh?
- Hah! You seem to have forgotten something, fucko!
Oh fucking damn it, Loona.
- It's a damn shame Blitz, we might actually have made a good team. Oh well.
In your wet dreams you honky-tonk goat!
I still think it's embarrassing.
You're wasting a lot of potential, relying on a weak little
You gonna finish that fucking sentence partner?
Who's weak now, bitch?
Okay, I'm here.
Maybe you'll get me next time, Blitzy.
I can't believe you let him trap you, Millie! Haven't we taught you better?
- I was seein' red Ma! And he was slippery.
Excuses! You're better than that, Mildred!
- You know, she protected me.
And maybe I'm not a strong beefy dickhead.
But Millie has the strength enough for both of us.
You two are getting on her case about being hurt by a psychopath you hired?
Shame on you!
Oh Moxxie, look at you! Speeching like a big boy, with his big pants.
Wow! He nodded! He's never acknowledged your input before.
- So is that progress?
Ugh. I failed to kill the target at the festival.
But don't worry ma'am, it won't happen again.
It better not. I want this cheating prick dead.
I don't care who you have to go through, MAKE IT HAPPEN!
I'll get next time, hehehehe.
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