Hey Arnold! (1996) s04e06 Episode Script

Helga's Parrot/Chocolate Turtles

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
Hey, Arnold!
Hey, Arnold!
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
Oh, Arnold, I'm looking
ever so forward
to working with you on
our national parks project.
Arnold and Lila together.
Oh, perfect.
What can possibly
go wrong next?
Come on. "All hail
the Beeper King."
All hail the beeper King!
Beeper King.
Just what I need.
Bob in stereo.
Hey, Helga, get a load
of my new parrot.
He's sharp as a tack.
Come on, Dad!
Everybody knows
parrots can't think
for themselves.
They just repeat
what they hear
other people say.
Repeat what people say.
People say.
Mother Hubbard.
That stupid bird
is driving me crazy.
Pipe down!
I'm watching the Wheel.
Pipe down!
I'm watching the Wheel.
Stop repeating what I say!
Stop repeating what I say!
That's it! One more word
and you are outta here, buddy.
All hail
the Beeper King!
I'll stick it
in the girl's room.
Now shut your trap
and go to sleep
before I make you
into a pinata.
Ooh, Arnold, my love.
At last, you're mine! Oh!
Oh, Arnold.
Why must I hold you
only whilst I dream?
Oh, that's good.
I gotta write that down.
"Arnold, my love.
"My sultry pretty.
"Why must I hold you
only whilst I dream?
"Will I be forever enslaved
by your spell?
"Why must I worship you
"and never ever tell? Oh!"
Arnold, you make
my girlhood tremble.
My senses all go wacky,
someday, I'll tell
the world, my love
or my name's not
Helga G. Pataki.
Oh, Arnold, my love.
My sultry pretty.
Why must I hold you
only whilst I dream?
Will I be forever enslaved
by your spell?
Why must I worship you
and never ever tell?
You make my girlhood tremble.
My senses all go wacky.
Shut up!
I'll tell the world,
my love,
or my name's not
Helga G. Pataki.
Shut up, shut up,
shut up!
MIRIAM: Helga!
Who are you talking
to, honey?
No one!
Just my imaginary friend!
MIRIAM: Okay, I'll set
another place
at breakfast.
Great, Mom. Great.
Great, Mom. Great.
Are you mocking me?
Why must I worship you
and never, ever tell?
Trust me, you won't live
long enough to tell.
Not heavy enough.
Not wide enough.
Not fast enough.
Miriam, how the heck
am I supposed to
go to work
without my big white belt?
Beeper King, Beeper King!
Pipe down!
Watching the Wheel!
Ah! Whoa!
Oh yeah?
Well, good riddance!
Arnold, my love.
Arnold, ah!
That stupid bird
is gonna blab what I said
to the whole entire world!
I gotta get it back.
Why, there's my dear birdie.
Now, why don't you come
back inside?
We can talk this over.
What do you say?
Ah! Yuck!
You can run
but you can't hide!
I'll hunt you down,
I swear, you hear me?
Arnold, my love.
My senses all go wacky.
Someday, I'll tell the world.
Tell the world. (SQUAWKS)
Tell the world!
Oh, my God!
If that bird talks,
Arnold will know
my deepest, darkest secret.
I've got to get him back.
But how?
Oh, hi, Arnold.
Don't get any ideas
that I came to see
you or anything.
I'm just going door-to-door
looking for my
Arnold, my love.
My sultry pretty.
What did you want
to ask me, Helga?
Uh, my pair of, um
Uh, pair of roller skates.
You seen 'em?
No. Sorry.
But do you know anybody
who lost a parrot
that recites poetry?
No, of course not.
What a dumb question!
ARNOLD: And he knows my name.
And he keeps reciting
this bizarre poetry.
Why must I hold you
only whilst I dream?
Well, he must belong
to somebody, Arnold.
They don't grow wild
in these parts.
I know. But it looked
kinda scared when
I found it.
Like maybe it ran away
from home.
Can I keep it?
Sure, why not,
short man?
But if the real owner
comes to the door
asking for his pet back,
you know what
you have to do.
I know, Grandpa.
Give the bird back
to its owner.
What, are you crazy?
You have to lie and tell them
you don't know what
they're talking about.
Come on, let's get
in the Packard and go
to the pet store.
We'll get bird seed
and some of those
bad-tasting biscuits.
Oh, hey, Helga.
What are you
doing here?
Buying a pet?
"Buying a pet"?
I'm buying a pet.
That's what I'm doing here.
I'm busy buying
one of these.
My dad finally said
I could have one.
Yup, monitor lizard.
That's the pet for me.
Looks kinda mean.
Don't go talking her
out of it, kid.
That lizard's been here
so long, I'm teaching it
to read.
Finally, my very own
giant reptile.
Just do this for me,
There's something
I have to take care of
right now.
Or else, my entire life
will be finished.
Ruined. Over.
But Helga
What's wrong?
Are you okay?
ARNOLD: It's okay.
I bet you just got lonely
being here all by yourself.
Why must I worship you
and never ever tell?
Oh, I bet that's Lila.
Lila? What's she
doing here?
And I brought over
some magazines to
help us with our
How am I supposed to
kidnap that idiotic bird
with Little Miss Perfect
hanging around?
So, we just have to find
some pictures of bears
and wolves and stuff.
And a map
of Yellowstone.
Ah! Your bird is just
ever so sweet, Arnold.
Do you know
how to talk?
Can you say "hello"?
Will I be forever enslaved
by your spell?
LILA: My, what a clever bird
you are!
It's like he's saying
a poem or something.
LILA: Arnold, perhaps
you should bring your parrot
to school tomorrow
for show-and-tell.
Would you like to
come recite your
little poem for us?
Enslaved by your spell.
Oh, you're just
ever so dear.
Do tell us more.
My sultry pretty.
Please don't pull
my hair, Arnold.
Huh? I didn't pull
your hair.
Arnold, I know that
you like me like me,
but please,
don't do it again.
But I didn't.
I was just looking
at the magazine.
Girlhood tremble. Ahh!
Ow! Cut it out, Lila.
I beg your pardon?
You flicked my ear.
I'm certain I didn't do
anything of the sort,
Well, somebody
flicked it.
Someday I'll tell the world,
my love,
or my name's not
Arnold, there's something
strange going on here.
Just ever so strange.
If you don't mind,
I'd rather finish
the report tomorrow.
At my house.
(SIGHS) Okay, Lila.
It's probably
dinnertime, anyway.
Sorry, I forgot.
You don't like
to be left alone.
Oh, give me a break, Phoebe.
How am I supposed to know
what monitor lizards eat?
Just call my mom
and tell her
I'm sleeping over.
I don't know when
I'll be there.
Nobody goes
to bed around here.
They've been playing
Parcheesi all night.
As soon as
Arnold falls asleep,
I'll grab the bird
and come over.
ARNOLD: Good night, Grandma.
Good night, Grandpa.
All that stuff my grandpa
was saying about
making parrot pie,
he was just
pulling your leg.
Arnold, my love!
Sultry pretty.
Man, where do you
get all that stuff?
No! He's getting undressed.
I can't look!
Oh, be still my bruised
and aching heart!
Good night, little parrot.
Aha! Now's my chance.
Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.
I bet you want
to stretch your wings.
Someday, I'll tell the world,
my love
Sometimes you sound
almost human.
Tell the world! (SQUAWKS)
Tell the world!
Wow, you must be
the smartest bird
in the whole world.
You're definitely coming
to show-and-tell.
And then the whole class
can hear you
say all this stuff.
My parrot can say
a lot of things.
It even knows my name.
Say, "Arnold."
Arnold, my love!
ALL: Wow!
Helga, where have you been?
I've been attempting
to contact you.
My parents won't
let me keep
Not now.
Anyway, he's really smart.
He even knows
a poem by heart. Listen.
Arnold, my love.
My sultry pretty.
Why must I hold you
only whilst I dream?
Will I be forever enslaved
by your spell?
Why must I worship you
and never ever tell?
Arnold, you make
my girlhood tremble.
My senses all go wacky.
Someday I'll tell
the world, my love,
or my name's not Hel
Now, boys and girls,
remember, what we
just saw was, uh
Cycle of life
in action.
Nature can seem very cruel
at times, I know,
but let's keep in mind
that it's part of
the evolution
of our planet,
in which we all play
a special part.
Mr. Simmons!
You and me
are gonna get along
just fine.
ARNOLD: Well, thanks a lot,
Mr. Green.
It was nice
doing business with you.
GERALD: That's two boxes,
Yeah, when
do I get 'em?
Later on tonight
before you close.
We'll bring them by.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Harvey. I got you down
for three boxes, am I right?
Of chocolate turtles?
Hey, I love
them little turtles.
Put me down
for five.
Five boxes of Campfire Lass
chocolate turtles for Harvey.
Told you, Arnold.
This idea is a goldmine.
I know. Everybody
loves chocolate turtles.
Not just
chocolate turtles, Arnold.
Official Campfire Lass
chocolate turtles.
Speaking of Campfire Lasses,
how'd you get them
to let us sell
all their stuff?
Easy, we get the turtles
for wholesale,
that's half price.
Then we mark them up
for resale.
We make a profit
of 50% on every box.
See, that's our cut.
The rest goes
to Campfire Lass.
It's just
good business, Arnold.
Everybody wins.
We get 'em
for half price?
How'd you swing that?
Well, I got
the member price.
"The member price"?
Yeah, it's when
we join the Campfire Lads.
"Join the Campfire Lads"?
Are you crazy?
Calm down, Arnold.
We'll just tell 'em
that we changed our minds
about joining.
We won't have to go
to a single meeting,
I promise.
Maybe we shouldn't
go through with this.
Hey, look,
it's way too late
for that.
We've already sold 40 boxes
to all your neighbors.
Come on, Arnold!
Hey, you know
we need the money.
This'll go a long way
towards buying that
new go-kart.
Oh, man!
Here she comes.
Let me handle this.
Hey, Campfire Lass!
How's it going?
Good morrow
to you, lads!
Or should I say,
future Campfire Lads?
Yeah, right,
so how about
those chocolate turtles?
How many boxes, then?
Put us down
for 40.
Ah! That's a good start.
Won't be long till you earn
your first Campfire Lad
merit badges!
GERALD: Right, well
Just bring 'em to
my house and we'll
discuss the, uh
Joining-up part later.
I'll not let you down!
Okay, we're all set.
We'll meet you
in front of Green Meats
after we collect the money.
How about 7:00?
Ah, that's good!
There's a troop meeting
at 7:30.
You can come down
after and join up.
Right, right, right.
I think there's something
burning in the kitchen.
Uh, we'll meet you at 7:00
with the money, okay?
Woo, that was close!
Man, I can't
believe this, Gerald.
Why'd we have to get
mixed up with a weird kid
like that Campfire Lass?
You know that accent
is totally fake.
Hey, wait a minute,
Pop Daddy's on!
Come on, Arnold.
We'll deal with this later.
Listen, Arnold.
There's nothing
to worry about.
We've already got
the turtles,
all we have to do is
deliver them to our customers
and collect the money.
And then we'll weasel
our way out of joining
the Campfire Lads.
Before you know it,
we'll be buying that
brand-new go-kart.
Nothing can possibly
go wrong!
Ooh, chocolate turtles!
Pop, Pop, Pop Daddy!
TIMBERLY: Hey, Gerald!
Hey, Gerald!
Can I have some of
these chocolate turtles?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
sure, Timberly.
Whatever you say.
Just keep it down.
We're trying to watch
our favorite TV show.
Hey, whatever you do,
don't touch those
chocolate turtles!
Pop Daddy's taking you
downtown today.
Shame on you.
That's like taking
candy from a baby.
Someday you're gonna learn,
crime doesn't pay.
POP DADDY: Pop Daddy.
Another righteous
episode of Pop Daddy.
A dude with attitude.
Yeah, that show
has everything.
Well, come on, Arnold.
Those chocolate turtles
aren't gonna
deliver themselves.
BOTH: Timberly!
I don't feel
so good.
What happened to
all the chocolate turtles?
I don't know.
What do you mean,
you don't know?
Did you eat 'em all?
Well, you said
I could.
What are you
talking about?
While you were
watching TV.
You said,
"Yeah, yeah,
sure, sure.
"Just keep it down,
we're watching our
favorite TV show."
Right, Arnold?
Uh, uh
But all 40 boxes?
I was hungry.
Oh, man, now what?
The Campfire Lass is
coming for the money
in three hours.
It's not my fault.
You said I could.
What are we
gonna do, Arnold?
I got an idea.
Oh, no. I see
what's coming.
Please, don't say it.
What if we make
some homemade
chocolate turtles?
I knew you were
gonna say that!
Let me get this straight.
You're suggesting we
somehow make hundreds
of chocolate turtles
put 'em
in those boxes
and then seal them up,
and pass 'em off
as the real thing?
Exactly! We could get
the recipe out of one of
your mom's cookbooks!
I can't believe
I'm saying this,
but let's get to work.
What can I do,
what can I do?
I don't know,
stir something.
We did it.
chocolate turtles.
Ready to deliver.
I think we deserve
a reward, Arnold.
Let's try'em.
What? What's wrong?
It's awful.
What? But we followed
the recipe.
Well, something has gone
terribly, terribly wrong,
I don't get it.
We put in the chocolate,
the caramel, the nuts,
the sugar, the butter.
The secret ingredient.
"The secret ingredient"?
I'm gonna
I was just trying
to help.
Well, we're dead, man.
We owe the Campfire Lass
for 40 boxes.
And all the neighbors
are waiting for
those same boxes.
Well, we can't
sell those,
unless we wanna
get run out
of the neighborhood.
I guess
the only thing
left to do is
go back to
the Campfire Lass
and confess.
Tell her
what happened,
and figure out a way
to pay her back.
Maybe she'll understand.
The Campfire Lass,
Now she's not only gonna
make us join,
she's gonna break
our thumbs.
Well, good luck,
you guys!
Oh, no, no.
You're coming
with us, Timberly.
You're the one
who's gonna tell her.
And while you're at it,
you can explain to
all of our customers
why they won't be
getting any turtles.
Oh, no, I can't!
And then I put
a secret ingredient in them,
salt. And they
came out awful.
And that's why they
don't have them, Mr. Green.
And it's all my fault.
And I'm so sorry.
that was
the nicest story
I ever heard.
And it was well worth
the price of two boxes
to hear it,
Miss Johanssen.
You mean you're not mad?
Mad? Listen,
I didn't need
chocolate turtles.
Bad for your teeth.
Here's the money
for the two boxes.
Give it to
your fundraiser.
In fact,
why don't I donate
another 10 bucks
to your worthy cause?
That wasn't so bad.
Five, 10, 20
This is going great!
We go door-to-door,
Timberly tells
her story,
and we make enough money
to pay back
the Campfire Lass!
Uh, Gerald,
are you sure?
It seems a little
Did I ask Mr. Green
to donate the 10 dollars?
No. It just happened.
Besides, you don't want
to join the Campfire Lads,
do you?
(LAUGHS) Salt?
You put salt in 'em?
Well, that's just
You know, Timberly,
I think anybody who
tells the truth
oughta be rewarded.
I'll tell you what,
here's an extra 10.
And that's why
we don't have them,
Mrs. Vitello.
La, la, la, la, la! ♪
Twenty bucks?
Wow! I should have
thought of this sooner!
Thought of what?
A way to cash in
on my little
sister's cuteness.
I knew
she had potential.
Never mind.
Why fight it?
It's working.
Looks like we got
enough money to
pay off the Campfire Lasses,
and could be on our way
to a new go-kart, Arnold.
Good morrow to you, lads.
Oh, hi,
Campfire Lass.
I got your money
right here.
Ah, well done!
And I have something
for you, too.
New uniforms!
Oh, what do you know!
Look, Campfire Lass.
We can't keep up
with this charade.
We gotta come clean.
"Come clean"?
We don't actually plan
to join the Campfire Lads.
Ye don't?
We were just trying to
raise some money by
selling chocolate turtles.
We're sorry.
Not joining, are ye?
you'll not be getting
the member discount then.
Ye pull full retail!
I never wanna hear
the words
"chocolate turtles"
ever again.
Or "Campfire Lass."
The uniforms
are cool!
I wanna join.
GERALD: Timberly,
you are not joining
the Campfire Lasses.
TIMBERLY: Big brothers
are a real pain!
GERALD: I can't stand
little sisters.
You're the mean one!
GERALD: Oh, you're not
talking to me.
Pop, Pop, Pop Daddy
GERALD: Sing it, Pop Daddy!
POP DADDY: You know, you know.
I love the little turtles.
Like taking candy
from a baby.
You're my sugar daddy.
POP DADDY: Check it out.
Pop Daddy
You're Pop Daddy's
little sugar, baby.
Pop Daddy. Hey
Someday, you're gonna learn,
crime don't pay.
Pop Daddy.
Pop, Pop Daddy
Pop Daddy's taking you
downtown today.
GERALD: A dude with attitude.
That's what's happening.
Like taking candy
from a little,
little, little old baby.
Pop Daddy ♪
Are you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
Oh, yeah!
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