Hey Arnold! (1996) s05e20 Episode Script

Timberly Loves Arnold/Eugene, Eugene!

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
Hey, Arnold!
Hey, Arnold!
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
So, where do you wanna go?
Look for
Thelonius Monk records,
or Frisbee at Tina Park.
Tina Park.
Hey, you guys, wait up!
Where are you going?
What are you doing then?
Can I come?
Why not?
we're going somewhere
to do something.
But, you just said
you were going nowhere
and doing nothing.
Forget it, Timberly!
You're not coming with us.
You always say that.
You never let me come along.
Gerald, why don't we let her
come along for once?
We're just gonna Frisbee.
Okay, Arnold, if you say so.
But remember,
it was your crazy idea.
You can come,
but you gotta keep up.
Thanks for letting me
come with you, Arnold.
I had so much fun.
You're the nicest boy, ever.
you're the nicest boy, ever.
See you tomorrow, Romeo.
Hi, Arnold.
What are you doing here?
I drew this for you.
Look! It's a flower
named "Arnold."
That's neat. Thanks, Timberly.
What are you doing here?
It's 8:15.
Go back to first grade.
Looks like you've got
a new girlfriend, Arnold.
Hubba, hubba.
And then, for show and tell,
I showed everyone
my other picture
I've been working on.
It's of you.
Do you wanna see it?
Uh, no thanks.
You can show me later.
Can I hold your hand
while we cross the street?
(CHUCKLING) Bye, you two!
Well, I for one think
they make an adorable couple.
Yeah. Hubba, hubba.
Arnold lemonade!
Get your Arnold lemonade
right here!
Arnold lemonade?
Arnold lemonade, huh?
I'll buy some, young lady.
Will you take a check?
It's free.
This whole lemonade stand
is about Arnold.
He is my boyfriend.
You don't say.
That's right.
And I'm giving away
Arnold poems
to every customer today.
A poem? Hmm.
"Arnold is so wonderful,
he's a baseball player.
"Every night at bed I say
my 'I love Arnold' prayer."
Oh, that's very nice.
You're quite talented
What was your name, miss?
Timberly. Is Arnold home?
Oh, I don't expect him back
from his, uh
kick boxing lesson
for several hours.
I can go for some
Arnold lemonade.
She sure got you
jumpy, Romeo.
What am I gonna do, Gerald?
You're gonna tell her
to stop it. It's dumb.
I don't wanna
hurt her feelings.
Forget about her feelings,
just do it.
Come on,
let's get to the game.
Nah, I can't.
She's a little kid,
and I feel bad.
Maybe, I shouldn't go.
Not go to the game
at Gerald field
against the fifth graders?
Yeah, she'd see me there
and set up a lemonade stand
or something.
I don't care.
Just go over there
and break up with her.
You're right.
I'll just tell her.
Hi, Arnold!
Want some lemonade
before your big ball game?
Uh, Timberly,
I have to tell you something.
You see, it's really nice
for you to like me,
and make a lemonade stand
about me.
And I appreciate it, but
But what?
But, the thing is
I really don't
LILA: Hello, Arnold.
Want some Arnold lemonade?
It's free, and it comes
with an Arnold poem.
I'm certain that I'd love
some Arnold lemonade.
Arnold, who's
your little friend?
Uh, Timberly, Gerald's sister.
Hi, Timberly, I'm Lila.
Oh, Arnold, she's simply
the cutest little thing
I've ever seen.
Yep, I am cute.
I'm his girlfriend.
Want me to read you
an Arnold poem?
That's okay, Timberly,
you don't
I'm certain I'd love
to hear one, Timberly.
This one's called,
"He's fine."
"He's fine,
that Arnold boy of mine,
"you never hear him whine.
"He's so fine, he's Arnold."
Gosh, Arnold, I think
it's ever so sweet
that you're nice enough
to be friends
with Gerald's little sister.
You do?
Most boys our age
aren't nearly so gallant.
We were about to go
to the vacant lot.
Arnold's got a big game
against the fifth graders.
You wanna come, too?
I'm sure that I'd love to.
That is, if Arnold
doesn't mind
making it a threesome.
No. It's okay.
We can all go together.
So, what were you
about to tell me, Arnold?
GERALD: Hey, Arnold! Heads up!
We might have won
if Arnold had been
paying attention to the game,
instead of his personal
cheering section.
Yeah, two girls.
I mean,
who does he think he is?
Rudolph Valentino?
Are you quite certain
you're all right, Arnold?
I'm fine.
I'm ever so sorry
that you lost.
Yeah, I really didn't play
my best game.
I'll say you didn't.
What game were
you watching, man?
Oh, hi, Gerald.
Gosh, look at the time.
I'd better be going, Arnold.
Why don't you and Timberly
meet me tomorrow?
And, we'll go to the museum.
The museum?
Come on, Lila, walk me home.
I'll tell you more stories
about how wonderful Arnold is.
I'm, oh, too certain
I'd enjoy that, Timberly.
I told you
to get rid of Timberly!
What happened?
I was about to tell her,
and then Lila came walking up.
She really liked Timberly,
and said that it was cool
that I was hanging out
with your little sister
Arnold, are you thinking,
what I think you're thinking?
I don't know.
What'd you think I'm thinking?
That hanging out
with my little sister
is gonna suddenly make
Lila like you like you.
The thought did cross my mind.
Arnold, how many times
does she have to tell you
she doesn't like you like you?
She just likes you.
And, my friend Tisha,
she thinks Wally is dumb.
But I told her, "Forget it,
"Wally's cool." And she said
I was stupid for liking him.
And I said, "Tough,
we're not friends anymore."
And she said, "Fine."
So, we aren't.
And, it really hurt
my feelings.
Did that ever happen
to you, Arnold?
Arnold? Did that ever happen
to you, Arnold?
Did Did what happen?
Didn't anyone ever
really hurt your feelings?
Bye, you guys!
I had so much fun.
Bye, Timberly.
Arnold, are you
walking my way?
Uh, no.
I have something
I gotta take care of.
I'll see you tomorrow, Lila.
All right. Bye, Arnold.
Timberly, can we
talk a minute?
Sure, Arnold. After all,
you're my boyfriend.
We can talk all you want.
You wanna sit down?
Timberly, I know you think
I'm your boyfriend,
but I'm really not.
I mean, I like you,
and I think
you're really nice.
But, you're in
the first grade.
I'm a lot older than you.
And, I kind of,
need to be with girls
that are more of my age.
Like Lila. In fact,
I meant to tell you
that I wasn't really
your boyfriend,
but then Lila showed up,
and said she thought
it was great that I was
hanging out with you.
So, I thought,
that if we all started
hanging out together,
she might want me to be
her boyfriend or something.
But, I guess, I was,
kind of, using you
to make Lila like me.
That was wrong.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
this a long time ago.
I'm really sorry, Tim.
Do you like regular
or blueberry waffles?
Gerald and Jamie O
like blueberry.
But, I only eat blueberry
when we're out of regular.
And, did you ever notice
that frozen waffles
fit right into the toaster?
Do you think they make them
like that on purpose?
(STAMMERING) I guess so.
Anyway, talking about waffles
makes me hungry.
I'll see you later, Arnold.
You don't have to be
my boyfriend anymore
if you don't want to.
I certainly didn't mean
to eavesdrop,
I just came back
for my toucan hat.
And, I'm afraid
I heard everything.
Just, everything.
You must think
I'm a real creep.
On the contrary, Arnold,
I think you're wonderful.
Huh? Why?
For having the integrity
to tell Timberly the truth.
Even when it meant
that you wouldn't be able
to keep going out
with the both of us.
I'm, oh, so impressed.
On the other hand,
I'm ever so certain
that I'm equally disappointed
in you for letting it happen
in the first place.
And, for taking so long
to do something about it.
Anyway, I better be going.
See you tomorrow.
Oops, I forgot my toucan hat.
SID: So, I told Stinky,
"Get your own
stinking math answers.
"I paid Torvald
good money for mine."
Hey, Romeo.
How's the love life?
It's over, Gerald,
with Timberly and Lila.
Maybe you can
come play baseball
with us for a change.
Sounds good.
Just us, men.
No girls.
Hi, you guys.
Where are you going?
Can I come?
But, you always say that.
You never let me come along.
Hey, Gerald, why don't we
let her come along?
You know, we're just
going to play baseball.
TIMBERLY: I like you, Sid.
You're the nicest boy, ever.
So, what do we do?
What's going on?
Apparently, auditions
of some kind.
For "Eugene, Eugene"?
What the heck is
"Eugene, Eugene," Eugene?
It's a wonderful
musical Broadway play
about a hero named Eugene
who is kind of a loser,
but also plucky and positive
and extremely lovable,
who triumphs over misfortune.
Oh, that's my favorite
musical, ever!
And I've always wanted
to play the part of Betty,
Eugene's oh-so complicated
love interest.
Yeah, Eugene tries to win her
away from a bad guy, Lawrence.
At first, Betty is torn
between the two suitors.
But in the end,
she falls for Eugene.
They dance
a beautiful pas de deux,
then to top it all off,
Eugene sings his high-kicking,
show stopping number,
"Sunny Side Up."
Keep your sunny side
Keep your funny side
Keep your sunny side up ♪
What are we waiting for?
Let's all go and try out.
Aren't you coming, Helga?
I'd rather pound nails
in my forehead.
We could paint
scenery instead.
It pays two dollars an hour.
I'd like to do a scene
from A Streetcar Named Desire.
That will be quite enough.
I consign you to the chorus.
But Rhett,
whatever will become of me?
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a hoot. Next!
It's not easy being perfect
It's not easy being sweet
To be constantly amusing
And have dainty
size 6 feet
Milky princess,
you're breaking my heart.
Oh, she's perfect, all right.
Reckon I'll take any part
that puts me
opposite Miss Lila.
That it's hard being me
And in spite of what you see
I'm perfectly sad
Today ♪
EUGENE: Hit it!
When life gives you lemons,
Dance like there's a muskrat
in your pants
When your toes are tappin'
Nothin' bad can happen
When life gives you lemons,
Dance! ♪
I'm okay.
That was more than "Okay."
That was inspired.
Attention, everyone,
I've found my Eugene
in Eugene Horowitz.
The role of Betty will be
essayed by Lila Sawyer.
And the role for Lawrence,
I've chosen Arnold
I can't read
my own handwriting.
Me, as Lawrence?
The black-hearted villain.
It's a juicy role, Arnold.
Well, I'm gonna run home
and re-read the whole play,
even if it takes me all night.
Oh, I love that scene.
Wait a minute,
this isn't what happens next!
Eugene what?
Betty, Lawrence
Nice guys finish last?
Arnold, did you read the play?
Eugene doesn't
get the girl, Arnold,
he gets hit by a trolley
on page 78.
And then Lawrence, you,
the bad guy, gets the girl!
And sings a song
about how great
it is to be bad!
Wait, I've got another song?
Yes, "Nice guys finish last,
bad guys have a blast"
Arnold, my song,
"Sunny Side Up," has been cut.
Enter stage left.
Mr. Leichliter,
we have to speak
to you about the play.
Starting on page 78,
things begin to go very,
very wrong.
Oh, you mean the new ending?
I take full credit for that.
But it's a famous play
Written by a sentimental
milksop who didn't know
the first thing about life!
I rewrote the play
for today's disenfranchised
modern audience.
In real life,
the loser never gets the girl,
because the girl
always turns out to be
a scheming duplicitous harpy
who tears your heart out
still beating and
Trust me,
it's a much better ending.
But now, there's no redemption
for the hero.
He doesn't get his dream,
he gets hit by a trolley!
I don't know
about ending the play
with a song like,
"Nice guys finish last."
It's a really
depressing message.
Excuse me, children,
ever heard of black comedy?
Trust me,
the audience will love it!
My Eugene, Eugene will be
brilliantly dark.
A smash.
Well okay, Mr. Leichliter,
if you say so.
But, I still think
Your job is not to think,
your job is to do
what I tell you.
Now, exit stage, right.
Oh, if only the hero
had gotten his dream.
His Betty.
My Betty.
But alas, he did not.
Let's just hope for the best,
and try and look
on the bright side.
After all, things still get
to be happy and optimistic
for the first 77 pages.
You mean,
before Betty dumps you for me,
and then you get hit
by the trolley?
Yep, I guess you'll be the one
dancing the pas de deux
with Betty now, Arnold.
Wait a minute!
Betty, I mean Lila,
dumps Eugene for Lawrence?
I mean, Arnold?
LILA: Why hello, Eugene.
I picked this for you.
Thank you, Eugene.
It's very nice, only
Only, when are you
finally going to realize
that Betty belongs to me,
not you.
Gosh, Lawrence,
I guess I just figured,
with enough
old fashion persistence
and blind optimism,
she'd eventually come around.
Oh, Eugene, the only way
Betty would ever love
a buffoon like you
is in your dreams.
Now, out of our way.
Oh, Eugene, let me help you.
How many times
have I told you, Betty,
there's no helping
a loser like Eugene.
Well, you know what they say.
When life lays a lemon
on your plate,
Kick up your heels
and celebrate
When you're caught
in a downpour
With nothing to live for
Strike your most
spirited stance
And dance!
Dance! ♪
Again, again!
I'm sorry, Eugene.
I think you're
a really swell guy and all,
but I just can't be with you.
Because she's with me
and for the last time,
get lost.
Oh, well,
I guess I have no choice
but to give up and leave town.
Perfect! Just like real life.
Well, I guess it's true
what they say, Betty.
What's that, Lawrence?
Nice guys finish last
Bad guys have a blast
Take his money
Grab his honey
Dump that loser fast ♪
No, no, no!
We've gone over this
for two weeks!
Bigger, bigger! Nastier!
Who cares if you're nice?
Nice guys pay the price
Life lambastes them
While jerks cruise past them
Right to
the head of the class
Because nice guys
Finish last! ♪
Oh, that's enough for tonight.
You all need to go home
and focus.
Tomorrow is our premiere.
So keep your chin in the air
A spring in your step
Keep a-walkin' with flair
Chock full o' pep ♪
ARNOLD: Hey, Eugene.
Oh! Hey, Arnold.
What are you still doing here?
There's something
I gotta tell you.
I'm quitting the play.
Quitting the play?
But we open tomorrow night!
I can't go through with it.
I can't go up there
and watch you get hit
by that trolley again.
But, Arnold,
what about the first 77 pages?
They're really great.
I know, but it's the ending
that really counts.
I thought I'd get used
to Mr. Leichliter's rewrite,
but the truth is
it's just too mean.
You're right, Arnold,
you're absolutely right.
I should be ashamed
of myself for ever agreeing
to go along with it
in the first place.
You were just
being optimistic.
It's exactly what
Eugene, Eugene
would have done, Eugene.
If only there was a solution,
a way to fix the play,
but I guess
it's just too late.
Or is it?
Are you thinking
what I think you're thinking?
Come on, Arnold!
We've got
a lot of practicing to do!
Good evening,
welcome all to my adaptation
of the award-winning musical,
Eugene, Eugene.
I think you'll find it
enjoyable and perhaps,
even painfully truthful.
Oh, Betty, if only
you knew how painful.
Eugene! Eugene!
Eugene! Eugene!
Who's the pluckiest,
Life is duckiest
Gosh darn unluckiest,
watch out for that truckiest
Fellow you've ever seen?
This is gonna be so perfect.
I'll rig this paint can
so it dumps right on
Arnold and Lila
during their fancy
"paston dukes."
Who's the jolliest,
Trip and falliest
By gosh, by golliest,
Watch out for that trolleyest
Fellow who's ever been?
Eugene! Eugene!
Eugene! Eugene!
Eugene! ♪
ARNOLD: Oh, Eugene,
the only way Betty
would ever love a buffoon
like you is in your dreams.
Oh, Eugene, let me help you.
How many times
have I told you, Betty?
There's no helping
a loser like Eugene.
Well, you know what they say.
When life gives you lemons,
Dance like there's a muskrat
in your pants
When you're caught
in a downpour
With nothing to live for
Strike your most
spirited stance
And dance!
Dance! ♪
I'm okay!
Well, Arnold, this is it,
the moment of truth.
Let's do it.
Whatever are you boys
whispering about?
You'll see. Oh, and Lila,
whatever happens out there,
just go with it, okay?
All right, Arnold,
if you say so.
LILA: I'm sorry, Eugene,
I think you're
a really swell guy and all,
but I just can't be with you.
Because she's with me!
Now, for the last time,
get lost!
Oh well, I guess
I have no choice
but to give up and leave town.
I'm okay!
What was that?
Well gosh, what's going on?
Didn't you read the headlines?
"Oh, Eugene,
I've finally realized
"that Lawrence
is pushy and cruel.
"It's you that I love,
you and only you."
Curses, foiled again!
The brat has restored
the original ending!
My play is ruined!
Wait a minute, Arnold isn't
going to get the girl?
Eugene is?
I've got to stop that bucket!
So keep your chin in the air
A spring in your step
Keep a-walkin' with flair
Chock full of pep
Despite all the odds
Just pump up those clogs
Keep your sunny side up!
Wait a minute. (GASPING)
They love him!
Greet the world with a grin!
Keep the blues in a jar!
Keep your sunny side up!
You're gonna go far!
Who cares if your day
is foggy and gray?
Keep your sunny side
Keep your funny side
Keep your sunny side up! ♪
BETTY: Leichliter?
Oh, Leichliter.
It's you that I love,
you and only you.
I'm okay!
When life gives you lemons,
Dance like there's a muskrat
in your pants
When your toes are tappin'
Nothin' bad can happen
When life gives you lemons,
When they kick you
in the rear
don't miss your chance
Dance like your
pants are full of ants!
When you're caught
in a downpour
With nothing to live for
Strike your most
spirited stance
And dance
Let them know
your life is sweet!
Till the juice
gets on your feet!
You can breakdance, or tango
or Frug, or Fandango,
Or hula,
But don't miss your chance!
When life gives you lemons
Dance! ♪
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