Hilda (2018) s03e04 Episode Script

Chapter 4: The Laughing Merman

[uplifting opening theme music playing]
[camera shutter clicks]
[indistinct chatter]
[girl] We had to bring our life jacket?
I've great rowing skills.
They call me boat master.
And Twig jabbed him with his horns,
and he was like, "Ow!"
Attention, Sparrow Scouts.
Today, you all will have the opportunity
to earn the last badge of the year,
the Fish Finder River Badge.
- [boy] Yeah. Finally!
- [gasps]
Today is a good day to be a Sparrow.
To earn it, you must identify as many
fish as possible during your journey.
I'll need everyone to form groups of four.
[boy 2] Hey, Jacob,
do you wanna be in our group?
- [girl] Izzy, here.
- [boy 3] Gabriel, here.
But there's only three of us.
Have we ever had a fourth before?
No. We've always
worked quite well as a trio.
I'm sure we'll find someone.
Doesn't hurt to broaden our horizons.
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
- I wanna paddle.
- [girl] That's a good idea.
I don't understand. There isn't
a single person available to join us?
That's because nobody wants to get stuck
with the Freaky Friends.
The Freaky Friends? Who are they?
Wait, is that us?
What's so freaky about us?
You lot are always getting caught up
in some weird stuff.
It's like you're allergic to normal.
What are you talking about?
We had plenty of normal trips. Right?
Of course we have.
There was that one time when Oh
Oh, how about when Mm.
It's true. Our number
of normal scout trips is currently at
[all laugh]
Maybe you three
should leave scouting and join the circus.
[all laugh]
Our wild reputation was bound
to catch up with us eventually.
This is all my fault.
You two weren't freaky before you met me.
Don't be ridiculous.
We chose to be your friend,
freakiness and all.
Hm. Still
We'll show them.
Today, we'll have the most ordinary
river trip you can imagine.
If adventure calls,
we'll hang up the phone.
Thank goodness there's still a spot.
Hilda, Frida, David,
you're going to team up with Louise.
Okay. Let's begin.
This badge isn't going to earn itself.
Who's Louise?
- [girl] Hi.
- [all gasp]
Oh. I I don't believe we've met before.
I'm Frida, and this is David and Hilda.
Welcome to the Sparrow Scouts.
Oh, I've actually been a scout
for a year now. I just keep to myself.
A quiet type. I can relate.
So, are you worried about
taking a trip with the Freaky Friends?
The who?
- Perfect.
- Phew.
[gentle music playing]
[camera shutter clicks]
[muffled] There's one.
[gasps] A lutefish!
That's seven and counting.
[sighs] What a wonderfully
unremarkable day.
- [grunts]
- [laughter]
Don't get too close.
We don't want to get sucked into
a whirlpool or eaten by a sea serpent.
- Yeah.
- That won't happen.
It won't. Right?
Of course not. Mostly because
sea serpents live in the sea.
Doesn't matter.
I'm sure you'll still find
a way to run into one. [chuckles]
- [boy] Yeah.
- [sighs]
I promise this will be
a completely normal outing.
[camera shutter clicks]
[softly] Remember. No detours. No magic.
No freakiness. We follow the map.
You got it.
Oh, cruddlesticks.
[laughs nervously]
I lost the map.
- What?
- [Hilda] How could you?
- [David] Wasn't on purpose.
- Something wrong?
- No!
- Not at all.
Everything is totally normal.
We better hurry.
We're losing the other rafts.
Oh. [sighs]
[birds chirping distantly]
Which way looks less likely
to lead to an exhilarating adventure?
My lucky coin will help us decide.
Oh, oh, oh! [grunts]
I've been practicing
holding on to things as well.
[sighs] Well, here goes nothing.
[eerie music playing]
Where are we?
Let's keep paddling.
We're sure to recognize something soon.
- [thud]
- Hm? [grunts]
What's wrong?
I think it's stuck. [grunts]
Excuse me for a moment, Louise.
I got it! [screams]
Hello! [chuckles]
Is everything all right up here?
Yes. We found another fish
to add to the list.
Very average.
Nothing special about it.
Rude. Mind if I come aboard?
There's something marvelous
I'd love to show you.
I think it just talked?
Sounded like a normal fish noise to me.
We were just about
to put it back in the river.
Fine. I didn't just want
to show you something marvelous.
[screaming] I need your help!
Yep. It's definitely talking.
[sighs] Help with what?
There's a vicious sea serpent after me!
Now I know you're lying.
Hilda told me
there's no way we'd run into a
Sea serpent!
[loud rattle]
Everyone, paddle!
- [upbeat adventurous music paying]
- [roars]
I'm not sure I find the humor
in being eaten by a sea serpent.
Ooh! Ooh! That way! It won't be able
to follow us into the shallower water.
That does not look safe at all.
I don't think we have a choice.
Everybody, hold on!
- [all screaming]
- [roaring]
- [all scream]
- [merman giggles]
Perfect. We're rescuing a madman.
It worked.
[all grunt]
[all sigh]
Sorry about this, Louise.
Don't worry. We'll be back
to the main river soon.
[gasps] I'm not so sure about that!
[menacing music playing]
- Paddle!
- [grunting]
[all screaming]
[all grunt]
[grunts, pants]
Everybody okay?
[both grunt, pant]
Perfectly, thanks to you.
You must let me demonstrate my gratitude.
[Frida] Not sure we have the time.
We have to get back
to the other scouts as soon as possible.
Um, how are we gonna get back up?
We'll have to carry the raft
through those woods.
Nonsense. I won't let my rescuers
go through such misery.
I don't think we need
any more ideas from him.
Are you sure? [grunts]
Within these caves
are a series of tunnels.
I know them like the back of my fin.
I can lead you
straight back to the main river.
Hm. Just a second.
Anybody else think
there's something fishy going on?
- Are you making a joke?
- [sighs]
I'm not trying to eavesdrop,
but this is rather a small raft.
It's true.
Wait. So, earlier, you could hear
- This is all my fault. I lost the map.
- [merman laughing]
Sorry. Still listening.
[sighs] If we go through the woods,
we might get lost in there too.
That's true.
And the sun will be setting soon.
All right, merman. Show us the way.
[laughs] Perfect!
You won't be disappointed,
or my name isn't Eugene.
Your name is Eugene?
Well, it's my surface name.
You can't pronounce
my true name without gills. It's
[eerie music playing]
[Eugene continues laughing]
[laughter echoing]
All right, Eugene.
What exactly do you find so amusing?
[laughter echoing]
That's not encouraging.
We've fallen into a trap.
- He's gonna eat us any second now.
- [bang]
[magical chimes]
Even worse. He's putting on a show.
- [whimsical music playing]
- You can tell it's a no-brainer ♪
I happen to be the best entertainer
I performed for the King of the Sea ♪
I was practicing one day
For a most important show ♪
To entertain the court
And other VIPs below ♪
Next thing I knew, a fishing net
Was scooping up this triple threat ♪
I was caught
Now I'm not where I ought to be ♪
Entertaining the crowds
At the bottom of the sea ♪
The fisherman asked me
To grant him a wish ♪
I protested
"I'm not that kind of fish" ♪
"Return me to the sea," I implored ♪
But my heartfelt pleas were ignored ♪
He held me captive while I plead
And dropped me here instead ♪
Left all alone to ponder my cruel fate ♪
A performer with no audience
Is a true fish out of water ♪
For many a year, stranded here ♪
- With nothing but to wait and wait ♪
- Excuse me?
- Eugene?
- And wait ♪
Will this be going on for much longer?
You're not enjoying the show?
It's clear you had fun doing it.
- And that's what's important.
- Of course we didn't enjoy the show.
What happened to this being
a shortcut to the river?
Audience feedback is important,
and I hear you.
I'll take your notes into consideration
for my next performance,
which is scheduled for [shouting]now!
[ominous laugh]
But now I have the four of you
Wanna see what I can do? ♪
You can't fathom
The depths of my skills ♪
My comedy always kills ♪
- You'll get dizzy switching gears ♪
- [screaming]
From laughing your head off
To choking with tears ♪
And I'll take your breath away
With a single well-placed pause ♪
I'll show you fun
My aquatic dramatics are second to none ♪
I'll give you everything
If you just give me your applause ♪
You're in luck
'Cause you're stuck in the muck with me ♪
- [roars]
- [screaming]
The most talented fish
From the bottom of the sea ♪
[music fades]
So, what do you think? Be honest.
You like the adjustments
I made per your notes?
- No!
- No?
Well, that's a little reductive.
What part exactly needs tweaking?
All of it!
Especially the part where you said
you'd help us get back to our troop,
but instead, trapped us in this cave,
scaring poor Louise half to death.
- Is that how you feel, Louise?
- [clicks fingers]
Well, I
I feel like
if that serpent was an illusion,
then the earlier one was too.
Did we even save your life?
[gasps] A showman
never reveals his secrets.
I just wanted to show you a good time,
and in return get a laugh.
Is that so much to ask?
Do you really care that much
about entertaining us?
You have no idea.
Thespians like myself are natural givers.
We give, and we give, and you
You have no appreciation for the arts.
You consider this art?
How about this?
If you can make us laugh
in the next five minutes,
we'll stay and happily watch.
Fine. But if you fail,
you have to let us go.
I do love a good game.
All right. Let's do it.
[upbeat fun music plays]
[Eugene] Ha-ha!
- Hm.
- [music fades]
Here's one to warm you up.
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing! They just waved.
They just waved.
[softly] Nice work, David.
Hmm-mm. Hm.
I guess I'll have to pull out
my A-material.
[kids coughing]
How is this supposed to be funny?
David, what's happened to you?
Me? What's happened to you?
- [Eugene giggling]
- Mm?
[ducky voice] Looks like we're keeping it
together so far. Oh no. Is that my voice?
[breaking wind]
I don't think this is funny.
[all laughing]
Ha-ha! Gotcha!
[gasps] Oh no. We laughed.
[in a ducky voice]
At such juvenile humor too.
Well, not all of us laughed.
Fine. You've beaten me.
- Yes!
- Woo-hoo!
You're free to go,
- What?
- Huh?
You didn't say if I can't make
you all laugh then you all go free.
You laughed. You stay. [laughs]
He's right. Semantics are very important
in these situations.
[sighs] Fair is fair.
Louise shouldn't have to be stuck
watching mediocre musical numbers
because she chose
to hang out with the "Freaky Friends."
[Eugene laughing]
Are you finally going to tell us
what's so funny?
You think Louise is so innocent. [laughs]
What's that supposed to mean? Huh?
Give my friends
one more chance to win their freedom.
And if we fail, you can have all of us.
I'll laugh at your jokes
even if I don't think they're funny.
Louise, what are you doing?
[laughs] You'd risk
your freedom for these three?
Fair enough.
[dramatic music plays]
[Eugene] Choose your exit.
One leads to your way out.
The others lead to an eternity
as my captive audience.
How are we ever going
to pick the right one?
Time for a private meeting.
The merman laughs
when someone's about to do something
he thinks is stupid or wrong.
[humming, laughing]
All we have to do
is pretend we're choosing an exit
and watch his reaction.
Wow. How did you notice all this?
When you're quiet like me,
it's easy to stand back
and notice the things others miss.
Okay, Louise.
We'll follow your lead. Ready?
[dramatic music playing]
[Eugene laughing]
[gentle tense music playing]
[Eugene giggling]
Hm? Hm?
[Eugene laughing]
They're onto me.
Darn my charming, expressive face.
- Mmm.
- [clicks fingers]
All right, last two.
Maybe not the one with the teeth?
Keep an eye out.
No smile.
This must be the one, then.
[music continues]
[music intensifies]
[camera shutter clicks]
Be prepared to hang on.
[music swells, stops]
- [gasps] It's a trick.
- [all gasp]
[all scream, grunt]
[clicks fingers, laugh]
I win!
[Hilda] Oh no!
[all screaming]
We can do this!
All together!
[upbeat adventurous music playing]
[laughs] Huh?
- [Hilda] Whoo!
- [David] Yes!
No! Wait!
[all screaming]
[music fades]
[kids screaming]
Ah! We did it!
- [gasps]
- [David] Sort of.
We're still lost.
Would this help?
- [all gasp]
- Huh?
You took the map.
You three are always doing
something wild and unexpected.
I was really excited
to have an adventure with you.
So when I realized you were all committed
to making our day normal
So, you did know
we were the Freaky Friends.
I was trying to play it cool.
I didn't expect things
to get so out of hand.
[David] Don't worry.
Things always get this out of hand.
You're not angry?
No, it's just nice to know that someone
appreciates our tendency to be,
um, abnormal.
If you want, you could be
our fourth Freaky Friend. [gasps]
We could be the Freaky Four!
Picture to mark the occasion?
[camera clicks]
- [all gasp]
- [David] Eugene.
So, you really don't want to see
another one of my shows?
[sighs] If this is about trying
to imprison you for an eternity,
I'm sorry, but you ever try
to get a rise out of a river carp?
The most boring audience in the world.
In the sea, I had devoted fans.
Now the only response I get is
Blah, blah.
Well, why not just go back to the sea?
You heard my story.
I'm stuck here
in this cursed maze of waterways.
[Louise laughs]
I never thought I'd say this,
but what's so funny?
This "cursed maze" is just a river.
And all rivers lead to the sea.
Wait. Really?
Geography isn't my strong suit.
Head south.
You should be home by tomorrow.
Oh, and before you go.
Sorry again, kids. And farewell.
I hope you think of me fondly.
We won't.
But we will use you
to earn our Fish Finder badge.
One approval-starved merman.
[sighs] I guess
we should probably start heading back.
Well, the sun's not going down yet.
Wanna try for more?
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
- [David] Not having the map.
- [Hilda] I want the badge.
- Anyone got any snacks?
- Mm-hmm.
Louise, what did you whisper
to him anyway?
[Louise chuckles] A showman
never reveals their secrets. [giggles]
[gentle music playing]
No sign of the Freaky Friends.
What do you think happened to them?
I bet they were all turned into frogs
by a hungry kelp witch.
[laughing, gasping]
[menacing music playing]
The most talented fish
At the bottom of the sea ♪
- [rock music playing]
- I'm always letting everyone down ♪
I'm always letting
Everyone know I'm down ♪
Mm, mm
I'm always letting everyone down ♪
I'm always letting
Everyone know I'm down ♪
- Mm, mm ♪
- One, two, three, go ♪
I am no CEO ♪
I'm not professional ♪
I'm no bright ♪
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