Hill Street Blues (1981) s03e09 Episode Script

A Hair of the Dog

Item 12 As regards the sweet bird of youth Which graces our communion this A.
in the persons Of six of the metropolitan police academy's finest fall graduates.
If memory serves, Pete dorsey.
Pete, will you wave or something? Hey, Pete can wave.
Hey, hey.
Robin tataglia.
Martin froman.
John Cooper.
Tom Hernandez.
Tom's fine.
Nathaniel Crawford.
"Nate"? "Nat"? What? - Nate, I guess.
- You got it.
People, let's have a warm round of greetings For these cherubic new denizens of our swamp.
All rookies will temporarily be assigned dekker foot patrol Until division figures out how to integrate this year's bumper crop - Into regular r.
- I'm already integrated.
That's right.
I'm your daddy.
There'll be telephonic check-in each 45 minutes, but I trust that more experienced street personnel Will be liberally forthcoming With aid and succor.
Item 13 Governor and Mrs.
Lucas sandler Will be dedicating the new Von steuben unemployment office At 10:00 A.
this morning.
Prior to said christening, the governor's party plans A whistle-stop at this precinct house.
I urge you all to refrain From the sort of unfortunate behavior Which marred his honor's on his last visit here in '73, when one veteran officer felt impelled By reasons unknown to present the governor With the miracle of the moon at midday.
I might append a similar cautionary note Vis-a-vis the going-away party this evening Of patrolman Anthony tisa.
Captain furillo and I are urgently concerned That behavior remain decorous as this coed affair.
Moreover, word from the club como management Is that panty hose in the plumbing system Will no longer be tolerated.
Who are you lookin' at? Item last Two more sightings yesterday of the phantom Snatching a half dozen cantaloupes From a Korean green grocer on Hudson, harassing a meter maid working the projects north of 133rd.
For our newcomers, the phantom of the hill Appears to be a guy living in the sewer system, 6'5" Or 6", heavily bearded and scarred, perhaps drastically deformed, dressed in rags or worse, incapable of speech in the mother tongue or otherwise He bears a manifest And virulent hatred for police.
And the standing reward for his collar Is three months without weekends.
All right, that's it.
Let's roll, and let's be very careful out there.
Hey, renko.
What? You ever actually seen this guy? Who? You know, this weirdo down in the sewer system.
You mean the phantom.
I can't exactly say, dorsey, although we did spot this huge, slimy dude Rummaging in dumpsters over near elmwood last Yeah, he ducked into a manhole before we could see him.
That could be him.
"Mean sheets.
" is that the one with all the hairbrush spanking? Move.
Move! Bobby.
I don't know what to wear tonight.
Miniskirt's compulsory Name.
Curtis what? Curtis interuptus.
We have a 9-11.
Armed robbery in progress.
See surplus store, corner people's drive, 124th street.
Do you believe it? Guy eats a bran muffins for breakfast.
I'm coming out of the John.
He's ordering six bran muffins and a double stewed prunes.
Hey, even arm busters got occasional problems With regularity, my man, you know? Excuse me, detective.
Could I ask get out of here.
Just keep walkin' and get out of here.
Believe it? First hour on the beat, kid's doing his best to blow a murder one collar.
Hey here comes Edwards.
Bubba, your behind is mine.
Freeze! You're under arrest.
Hit the wall, chump! Read him his rights, baby.
You have the right to remain silent.
Come on, man.
You have the right to an attorney.
And I'll tell you what, Jack We'll read you the rest in the car.
Hey, nice work, you guys.
Thanks a lot.
Welcome to the hill.
Come on, let's move it out of here.
Hey, are you okay? You cut your lip.
How'd you like to suck the toxins out? What are you doing with my car? Get out of here.
What'd you call me, man? I'll call you anything I want.
- Come on, you guys, break it up.
- Break it up! Hey, you got a problem, lady? You got a big mouth, Jack.
You feel that? Yeah, yeah, I feel it.
Gimme the keys right now.
License, registration.
Get out the car.
Gimme a license.
Assume the position.
Quiet down.
Quiet down.
Hey, you too, lady.
Just quiet down.
Hey, pal, you wanna go in? Just knock it off.
All right, that's pretty good.
Now, first thing when you get kids like this you gotta look for a piece.
Second of all, when you separate 'em, you gotta really mean it.
Third of all, don't be afraid to call for backups Even if it's just a Fender bender, like this.
Okay, I'm gonna talk to these kids now.
You watch me.
I think you got your carbon reversed there, buddy.
Governor, our captain Of the most crime-ridden precinct in the state, frank furillo.
Frank, the governor.
How do you do.
My pleasure.
And lamont.
Your fight is my fight, captain.
We stand shoulder-to-shoulder on the battleground of urban blight.
And a battleground it is, governor.
Lieutenant hunter, eat.
Why, just last week my men and I Traded cartridges with a cadre of hispanic 2-11 artists In a two-hour project standoff That was right out of Teddy's little number on San Juan hill.
We we're three minutes behind, sir.
Well, excuse me, captain.
Appreciate the input, officer.
- Lieutenant.
- This way, governor.
Don't you just love pinstripes? You have bad manners, man! Behave! John, John, John not now, not now.
The governor of the state, John.
Sorry, sarge.
I'll go pull the paperwork, babe.
In there.
In there.
I did write it down, ma.
On a piece of paper.
I remember where it is, ma.
I was just there yesterday.
I'll be there as soon as I can after work.
As soon as I can.
As soon as I can! Good-bye.
What are you doin' here? How's your dad? He's lousy.
He's in a home.
What's up? How's the new job? Michael, I have never seen such a cesspool of criminal activity.
I warned you.
Didn't I warn you? You stay out of trouble up there.
Well, that's what I wanted to discuss with you.
What? I overhear things, and I could certainly use the extra money.
What are you talkin' about? Mick, I wanna be your snitch.
Come on, get out of here.
I got paperwork to do.
I'm serious.
I want us to work together.
And I find law enforcement terribly exciting.
"Terribly exciting, " you see that gorilla in there? He just got arrested For breaking both a guy's legs and then garroting him to death.
He does have a certain Ruthless quality.
- the guy he did all that to was a snitch.
That exciting enough for you? I'm not afraid, Mick.
And I know about a holdup.
I heard a guy talking about it from the bar this morning.
Where? When? Sometime this afternoon.
A pawn shop on Jefferson at 143rd.
Just the one guy? I think so.
I'm not gonna pay you for this.
You understand? If it pans out, later maybe we can talk.
Mick! My, Michael.
"Gentlemen prefer leather"? That's evidence, hair ball.
Excuse me, captain.
We picked up a suspect in the casteneda homicide.
Good work, Neal.
Everything in order on the bust? It seems so.
Autopsy report's not in the file, but we'll run by the coroner's office and pick up a copy.
Do yourself a favor see nydorf personally.
Upper duodendum contains whitish fluid, greenish-yellow bile flows freely from orifice of common bile.
Pancreas pale.
Liver normal with a certain Gray cirrhotic charm.
Found this joker in a subway John With a quart of industrial-strength drain cleaner down his pipes.
Hey, it's the holiday season.
Let the record indicate that detective larue Is looking a little green around the gills.
What can I do for you guys? We never got an autopsy report on that casteneda homicide last month.
- What's a casteneda? - Ramon, t.
October 17.
, mercy.
Go pull it for 'em, will you, radley? Just be a minute, guys.
Make yourself at home.
Stomach distended Contains about 150 c.
'S of a milky fluid Somewhat of the consistency of my wife's béarnaise sauce.
Get me a pastrami on rye, side of horse radish, dill pickle, apple pie, hold the mold, and a root beer.
Two chili dogs, no onion, an order of fries and an orangeade.
Listen, kosich Forget that pastrami.
Get me three chili dogs, everything on 'em.
You guys want a sandwich or something? No thanks, Wally.
I had a big breakfast, man.
Do you believe this? This tape isn't even rollin'.
Gradsky! I spent the better part of an hour talkin' into a dead battery here.
I'm sure we got the digestive tract, sir.
Kosich, will you get some batteries for this damn thing? I'll have to take it out of petty cash.
Just buy the damn thing.
What do you mean, you can't find 'em? Check the pending file.
Check with Sylvia! It'll be all right, guys.
I'll I'll pull it for you myself.
Get it to you in a day or two.
Take notes, will you, gradsky? Gall bladder somewhat ropey fluid Hey, look, Wally.
We got a hot suspect we're pulling into interrogation in less than two hours.
Not to mention having to have an a.
And the guy's attorney.
I said I'd get it to you.
All right? We need it now.
You need You need.
Well, let me tell you what I need.
Five extra pathologists, for starters, a half dozen scrubbers, ten hours extra a day in the work day And a budget that isn't some kind of in-house municipal joke.
That's what I need.
I got corpses stacked up here till next easter.
I haven't had a lousy vacation since Nixon was in office.
And the last thing I need is a couple of damn pushy mid-level grunts Comin' in here tellin' me how to do my job.
Now, then.
Gall bladder Is filled with a somewhat ropey, but otherwise clear, dark green fluid.
So, what makes you so sure I'm gonna get hit today? I'm not sure.
You don't even know if this snitch of yours is on the level.
No, I don't.
Hey, that lunch of yours is gonna drive my business away.
Look, Murray.
Why don't I just take a hike, and when this creep shows up, you deal with him? Hey, I ain't afraid of no stickup.
I been held up More than any guy on this entire block.
Cheese it, Murray.
How ya doin'? What do you say? What can we do for you today? Hey, man, how about this little thing right here? Shoot him, belker! Blow him away! Murray, come here.
All right.
As soon as the game's over? Right.
What's up? Nothing.
I just got a date for tisa's party tonight With a guy who plays basketball against the Harlem globetrotters.
He's a loser.
What do you mean? You never even met the guy.
He's a loser.
I hate it when you do this.
You always do this.
The guy is only in town for three days.
Paula went to all the trouble to get me a date, and you gotta start in on him right away.
I'm just stating fact, luce.
Anybody who plays against the trotters losers.
Where did you find it? At the foot of the bed Under two sheets and an electric blanket.
Funny how things disappear when you're having a good time.
I see you pulled the Edwards case.
It appears from this arrest report I've got my work cut out for me.
We have everything we need.
We can go to trial next week.
There's nothing worse than a gloating Italian.
1042 elmwood Avenue.
Apartment 22.
Apartment number again? Twenty-two.
Present occupation? Starting quarterback for the Atlanta falcons.
Let's just skip the preliminaries and get down to basics.
- What kind of deal can you cut for me? - Mr.
Edwards Don't "Mr.
Edwards" Me, p.
Now, you can't cut me a deal, I'll find me a real lawyer who can.
There's no point in discussing a deal at this time If we can even circumstantially establish your innocence in the matter.
- Well, good luck, lady.
- Shall I interpret that as an admission of guilt? What difference does it make? It makes a big difference in how I approach your defense.
Of course, if you're not entirely comfortable discussing it at this time I'm plenty comfortable.
Did you do it? No.
No, I didn't.
As a matter of fact, I was in El Salvador that week Doing some charity work for the red cross.
Edwards, I'm not in the mood today For sarcastic, adolescent bullying From someone who ought to be thankful I'm trying to help him.
I'll have you reassigned.
Hey, lady.
While you're at it, ray, get me a.
Got a real potential horror story on our hands, frank.
I told you, eight men for crowd control is insufficient.
That's just as much your responsibility, Anderson.
I never recommended a visit to this precinct in the first place, sir.
Went down 20 minutes ago at the governor's dekker Avenue whistle-stop.
Took him right out of the limousine.
For god's sake, man.
Do you mind? Took who? They took the governor? Not the governor, ray lamont.
- Lamont? - Somebody took the governor's wife's dog? Read my lips, frank.
She became absolutely hysterical when she found out.
Had to be sedated right in front of the channel 10 minicam.
We're gonna have to mobilize on this one, and I mean fast.
I don't need to tell you the crisis of confidence we'll be facing When it gets out that the largest Metro squad in the entire state Can't even insure the basic human rights of a nine-pound lhasa apso.
Anderson here from the governor's office is gonna keep a lid on the media flow.
Larue? Washington? Get in here.
You too, Goldstein.
First off, we'll need a door-to-door In the vicinity of the snatch.
And a couple of your desk boys to handle the phone calls.
- What phone calls? - The governor has approved a $1,000 reward For lamont's safe return.
- It's going out over the local airwaves within the hour.
- Who's lamont? You're gonna use precinct phones for some lost dog reward? Give me a little credit, frank.
We'll just run a couple of extensions off of your private line.
We'll need 12 uniforms for a perimeter search, Phil.
Eight eaters, Howard.
Not a man less.
You just hold on a minute.
I have three homicide investigations in the works, five rapes, several dozen assaults, and miscellaneous other felonies And a continuing incoming tally of all of the above, and you expect me To devote fully one-third of my active day shift To some overbred lapdog? We're not talking dog, frank.
We're talking image, and image-wise like it or not This overbred lapdog's got a higher gubernatorial profile Than the state bird, whatever the hell it is.
Swallow, I believe, chief.
- Peregrine falcon.
- Falcon peregrine? Hello? Just a minute, please.
Well, image-wise, how do you suppose the electorate of this state Is gonna take such gross expenditure? Got a handle on it, frank.
- Frank, line six.
- Not now, ray.
In addition, men, I'm authorizing overtime funds For all necessary personnel for as long as this takes.
Up to 20 grand, let's say.
Frank, I think you might want to take this call.
And I swear, Anderson, if these figures leak out to those local media flacks, it's gonna be your butt on the waffle iron Right alongside mine.
Yeah, Vince, what? Sidebar stories only, chief.
Human interest.
No stats on appropriations.
I understand.
All right, men, let's get to it.
Judas priest.
The man can't be serious.
You heard him.
I'll be back in an hour, Phil.
Captain? About the casteneda homicide It seems they can't locate the autopsy report down at the C.
It's a regular three-ring circus down there, captain.
Nydorf practically blew a gasket when we pressed him for it.
I'm on my way downtown anyway.
I'll pick it up on the way back.
Francis, aside from the obvious canine situation, is everything all right? Yeah.
Just great, Phil.
Fay got herself thrown into jail down at traffic court.
Judge is holding her in contempt.
Captain furillo.
Thank you.
Frank, before you say anything, I have never been treated so rudely in my whole life.
- The arrogance the open hostility.
- What did you do? Me? Nothing.
I just came down to court to plead my innocence, like an American citizen.
And got yourself thrown into jail on account of a traffic ticket? You must have done something out of the ordinary.
Said something? Sure if you count exercising your free speech In this supposedly free country something out of the ordinary.
- What did you call him, fay? - Frank, he kept interrupting me.
He wouldn't look at my pictures.
So you well, I might have implied That he had an unnaturally close relationship with his mother.
Well, can you blame me? I was upset.
Court is gonna close in a couple of hours.
If you don't apologize right now, you're gonna be stuck in there until tomorrow morning.
- Well, bail me out.
- No.
Contempt of court is not bailable.
You're in until you apologize.
Well, thank you very much, mister.
Then I'm gonna stay right here.
I'm not without internal resources, frank.
I'll write an article About the abuses of judicial power.
I-I'll go on a hunger strike.
I'm not gonna argue the possible salutary effects of a hunger strike.
- Are you saying I'm overweight? - I'm simply say Fay, I don't have time for this.
If you want to play Joan of arc On account of a traffic ticket, be my guest, but I'm gonna take frank Jr.
home with me, and you can stay in here until you rot.
How about I come over to your cell And keep you company, sweet pea? Frank! Frank! What do you think of the captain? He's okay.
Seems like a real straight arrow, though.
At least he knew our names.
That was really nice, sergeant esterhaus asking us what we like to be called.
Esterhaus he looks like he must have been a real tough one.
Looks like he's still tough.
Do you really think we should go to that party tonight? Sure.
I mean, do you think They were just trying to be polite? Aw, come on.
We're gonna be working with these guys.
They invited us.
I mean police! Hey, police! Over here, quick! He's beating up my brother, man.
Hey! He's beating up my brother.
Come back here.
My brother's bad.
D all right, break it up! Police.
Come on! You wanna butt in? You wanna take my Come on! Come on! - Crawford, come on, man.
- Come on, move back.
Move back! Come on, break it up! Crawford! Come on, man! Do something.
Come on, get off him.
Get off him.
Crawford! The bartender.
You're a great guy, officer The way you help your buddy out.
furillo? Do you have something that you wish to say to this court? No.
Approach the bench, Mrs.
I've been a traffic court judge for slightly more than seven months now, and this is the first time the need has arisen To incarcerate a citizen.
Well, maybe it's the first time That a citizen has ever stood up to you.
furillo, if you continue to behave before this court You know, I'll bet you're like this at home, aren't you? You wanna know what's wrong with you? You don't know how to back down or admit you're wrong.
It's a way to lose a marriage, mister.
furillo, aside from the fact That you have mistaken my present marital condition, may I remind you that you have already spent some time in the clink, and I'd be more than see? Well, let me tell you something, mister.
I have a case here.
I have facts, I have pictures and I know what I know.
Now, if I have to go to jail, I'll go to jail, but I am not gonna grovel around here Just because you're some What's so funny? You are.
You're a real pistol, lady.
I'm sorry.
furillo We're both very tired, and it's late and Well, anybody that's willing to spend a week in jail A week? Must either be a glutton for punishment Or very sure of the rightness of her position, so What have you got? Well I was on my way home from the supermarket, completely minding my own business, when some Jack-booted highway patrol jerk on his fascist motorcycle Hauled me over for allegedly Not making a left-hand turn in a mandatory left-hand turn Lane.
This is officer bruzinsky, the arresting officer.
Well, wait a minute.
I got a better one than that.
What's the name on that certificate again, frank? Casteneda.
Ramon casteneda.
We never sent you an autopsy report.
Sylvia! Sylvia.
Can you believe this place, frank? Sylvia! Woman's been here almost as long as I have.
She's worthless.
You know, in 1972, we had an operating budget of 1.
2 million.
Ten years later we're operating on 1.
Can't get decent people anymore.
We're dying down here.
I don't know.
Sylvia's all right.
She Here.
What's that? What do you think it is? It's noogie Fisher's ear.
Remember? We sent Teddy Jakes away for 50 years.
All we had was noogie's ear in the glove compartment.
You were the homicide detective.
Remember that? Here.
You wanna keep it, go ahead.
Sylvia! Wally, look.
This is my situation.
We're due in court day after tomorrow for the preliminary, and the d.
'S office is really pressing me for this autopsy.
Well, frank, it's gotta be around here somewhere.
I'll I'll dig it out.
And I'll have it on your desk at 5:00 today, okay? And, frank I really feel terrible about this morning.
I mean, I jumped all over your guys For just trying to do their job.
You tell 'em for me, would you? Yeah, I will.
5:00, right, Wally? On your desk.
Okay, kid? I'll appreciate it.
- Ray.
- Yes, frank? Seems the reward offer has sparked community interest.
They emptied out the kennels.
Hey, so so what do you think? Could this be that "A" Dog you've been looking for? You have glued hair to his skin.
Yeah, yeah.
You think it's too much? Yes.
No, it's the dog's got a skin condition, you know? The doctor told me what to get, but I can't afford it.
Ray, clear them all out of here, would you? Yo, come on.
She could really learn to love it.
Come on, get out.
It's a dog-eat-dog world, pizza man.
How much? Where? You have the dog with you? Okay, listen.
Who am I talking to here? No, the governor is not available right now.
Well, can you prove you have the dog? Can you make him bark for me? I think they may have him, frank.
In my office.
They say they want $10,000 in old bills Left in a phone booth at 114th and shattuck in one hour, or they shoot the dog.
No cops.
Let's pay it.
You've gotta be kidding.
The hell I am.
Just keep the press away.
You're crazy if you think this story won't leak out In addition to which, I'll scrub your feet In the window of Kirby's department store If any part of that cockamamie phone call pans out.
Henry, I want the gangs in here by 4:00 for a meeting.
Thank you for your input, captain.
I can't afford to have lamont getting shot.
Can I have area code 311-555-9600.
What's this? What's this? What are you doing to me? I leave the shop for two minutes, and I come back and I find you're dealing me out of house and home.
Look at this.
Somebody don't hold me up soon, I'm gonna have to file for bankruptcy.
Murray, I got the whole schmear for 186 bucks From a Cuban bookie headed upstate on a two-to-four.
186 bucks? That's right.
All of this? 186 bucks? You know, son, if you ever decide to give up this detective business, the pawn industry can offer you A very rewarding future.
I'm gonna keep that in mind, Murray.
How you doing? What can we do for you? Thinking about pawning my electric guitar if the price is right.
Well, that depends.
I mean, what are we talking? A Fender? A gretsch? Stratocaster? Six-string, 12-string Twelve-Gauge, Smith & Wesson, two barrels, one trigger.
And believe me, it's in tune.
Hands on the counter, shortstop.
All the money, now.
Now, or I'll take your face off with this thing.
You want cream with your coffee, dog breath? - What was that again? - "Lasso apso"? Or was it "Lassie apsy"? Say that for me four times, furillo.
"Lamu aspo.
" - No, man.
It's "Lapu zapu.
" lhasa apso is the breed.
All we want is your cooperation.
What is the dog's name? Jerry? Sid? Dog's name is lamont.
- Say what? - Hey, furillo.
How am I gonna tell my people "Lamont"? Does the mutt have a nickname? I got a brother named lamont.
Yeah! Yeah.
Yeah, I know about your brother.
We all know about lamont.
What? Hey.
Guys, this is a very important animal we're talking about.
This animal is a token of friendship from the people of Tibet.
I put to you two scenarios, gentlemen.
In the first, a civic-minded citizen or citizens Step forward, no questions asked, and receive $1,000 reward.
In the second, a $10,000 ransom is presented to that same citizen, who then gets three years upstate as a bonus.
I get the impression you're implying gang involvement In this canine affair.
I'm simply implying, Jesus, that whoever stole that animal Will be inordinately punished, considering the vast resources we've devoted to this problem.
I do grudgingly admire your initiative, not to mention your sense of humor.
That abortive little phone booth caper, okay, but I think it's time to talk Turkey, don't you? Or, as the case seems to be, canine.
If anybody knows anything, i want to hear about it By 9:00 tomorrow.
Please, guys, try to keep perspective.
In one sense, lamont is Mrs.
sandler's, but in a larger sense, he belongs to all of us.
Yeah? What part of this dog belongs to Mr.
Martinez? I'll see you outside.
Anything you want.
Captain? I wanna give Eddie gregg 50 bucks.
I think it's cheap dollars, captain.
He's the one that gave me the pawnshop bust this afternoon.
Hold on just a second.
Thank you, captain.
Frank, the d.
'S office on line four.
Did we get the autopsy report from nydorf? Yes.
It just came in.
Thank you.
Yeah, irwin.
I just got it.
I'm just looking at it, irwin.
Well, I can have somebody bring it down to you.
Yeah irwin, listen.
I've got a crisis on my hands here.
I'll I'll call you back, all right? I'll call you back, irwin.
Here's your 50 bucks.
Now get lost.
When will I see you again? How should I know? Mick, I've got something really big for you.
We could have a late supper after i get off work and talk about it.
Look, hair bag, you're gonna be a snitch, you never want to be seen in public with me And you especially never want to be seen up here.
Then how do I get in touch with you? Call me at this number.
Wait a minute.
You could call me at my home phone too.
I'll keep this in strictest confidence, Mick.
When can we meet? I don't know.
Maybe tomorrow.
Tell me where.
I don't know.
I don't know right now.
It's gotta be someplace, dark, out of the way Like a parking garage, you dirt ball.
Sounds good to me, Mick.
I'll call you first thing in the A.
You won't regret it.
Frank, nydorf left for the day.
You want me to try his house? No, I think I know where I can find him.
And the mortuary guy says, "Let me check my inventory.
I may need some mortuary blankets.
" hey, frank.
Be with you in a minute, kid.
So he leaves goes upstairs.
He leaves the poor slob alone with the stiff.
He's trying not to look, but he's scared out of his tree.
And all of a sudden the stiff goes And sits bolt upright.
The kid The kid drops his briefcase his sample case.
He runs out of there, gets in his car, drives away And he's never been seen since.
It's a true story.
Swear to god.
Wally, could I talk to you for a minute? Sure, frank.
Come on.
Let's get a table.
Excuse me.
Hey, you want a beer? No, thanks.
That's right.
Hey, Ace.
Yeah, you want another one? And a soda.
Yeah, I'll send it over.
I don't know, frank.
I've been cuttin' up stiffs for 35 years.
I come to bars and tell stories about dead bodies.
You think that indicates a certain narrowness of interest? We have a problem, Wally.
What about? The autopsy.
So talk to me.
Talk to me.
This is a mess.
If I tried to sell this at Edwards' preliminary, they're gonna laugh me right out of court.
Who the hell are you to question my work? Don't try to pull the same crap with me As you tried to pull with my detectives this morning.
This report is indefensible, and you know it.
The physical description is sketchy, there's no blood workup at all And the diagrams are totally inadequate.
How did you do this? From memory? You lost the originals, and then you lost the copies, and so you figured, "What the hell.
I'll wing it.
" Right? Tell me I'm wrong.
All right, frank.
But you saw what a zoo that place is.
Look, you just send me your police report.
Give me 24 hours and I'll give you an autopsy.
Swear to god, you'll be able to convict your mother on it.
That's not good enough.
Well, what then? I want you to pull him up.
Pull him up and do it again.
Frank Did you ever do an autopsy on a three-week-old stiff? Wally.
Wally, you used to like your work, and you were the best.
What happened? Now, don't you start with me, frank.
I knew you when you were a 24-year-old snot-nose Whose main area of expertise was the inside of a shot glass, so don't go getting your glands in an uproar with me, kid.
Just do your job, Wally.
I'd like to propose another toast To the short, black-haired, brown-eyed, graduating class from the police academy To sergeant esterhaus's finest.
- Isalud! - Cheers.
And I'd like to propose another toast hey, just rest the toast.
You rest.
To the prettiest lady That ever graced this sorry side of the tracks Here's to slumming with the city's finest.
Drink up.
Come on, Teresa.
Don't be a wet, old rag.
I've had enough, Andy.
What? I have had enough.
Well, excuse me, lady.
"I've had enough.
" I would have had the dom perignon out here, but my credit line's a little short right now.
Come on, rapunzel.
Let down your blonde hair.
Let down your blonde hair.
I got less hair to let down.
"I got less hair to let down.
" I love you, Joe.
I love you.
Coffey says this guy used to work for the sewer department.
He knows all 80 miles of the system like the back of his hand.
Claims he goes after anything with a badge too.
Well, makes sense, if you heard the dude's story.
What story is that? Well, back in 1978, this married lady and midtown sergeant Were found hacked to death in a flophouse Over in east utica.
Buck whole naked.
Warrants went out for the husband.
You mean that guy Travis pogrow.
We heard about him over in midtown.
6'5", 285 pounds Disappeared without a trace.
Sewer worker.
Wait, wait.
And they think this Travis pogrow is the phantom? What do you think? Give me a break.
There's no phantom down there.
Of course there ain't, Hernandez.
I got this right here fallin' off of my skateboard.
- You mean the phantom did that? - This? No, no, no.
This was Marie osmond.
This freak pulls my leg Halfway down a storm drain on Richmond last year.
If he'd have chopped the rest of it off at the knee What was that for? Thank you.
That was very sweet of you back there.
I got lipstick all over.
Cut it out.
What the hell is goin' on here? This is a slightly drunken come-on, I guess.
Look, Teresa, you're a very lovely lady, and I like you a lot, but, you know, renko's my friend.
I like you a lot too.
Wait, wait.
Now just cut it out.
Look, you're his girl.
Well, what if I wasn't? I just want to thank you for covering for me, okay? I didn't cover for you.
Tomorrow's gonna be different.
I know it.
I'm sorry.
I asked esterhaus for a new partner.
That's it.
I've had it.
What? Don't you think I've waited long enough for the creep? Your basketball player hasn't shown up yet? That is the last time I ever call a jock.
Hey, come on.
Let's have a drink.
I don't want a drink.
Excuse me.
Are you Lucy? I'm Doug.
Doug munson.
I'm sorry I'm late.
The game went double overtime.
How'd you do? We lost.
This is my friend Joe coffey.
Doug munson.
He says that you've had quite a long losing streak.
1912 games.
I've got a table over here.
Everybody's looking.
Who's looking? I don't know.
You know.
Then why don't we go someplace where Nobody can look? Okay.
And finally tonight, ray, on the local front, the latest poop on the case of the missing lhasa apso.
As of this hour, no suspects have yet been collared In the dognapping of lamont, the governor's wife's prize lhasa apso.
However, authorities are working rabidly To get a leg up on the situation.
Although there's been an unusually tight leash On information coming out of hill street, it has been rumored that the search For the 9 1/2 pound Tibetan lapdog Is expected to take a bite out of the city budget To the tune of $30,000 in overtime pay An expenditure that, come December, might very well put city hall In the doghouse.
Anyone with information what ever happened to serious journalism? Died years ago, furillo, at the hands of a blow dryer.
Is encouraged to call please.
I've been punished enough.
That's 555-5300.
Though authorities concede They very well may be barking up the wrong tree.
Classic case of the tail wagging the dog.
The search for lamont is expected to take a chop Out of the municipal fiscal bone in excess of $30,000.
There's no escaping it.
$30,000 for a lapdog? Please Don't hound me, counselor.
You telling me to put a muzzle on it, captain? Why don't we just Just let Sleeping dogs lie.

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