Hollywood Darlings (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

Driving Miss Jodie

Tamera, it's so good to see you.
I feel like I just went back into time.
You guys look great.
- Thank you.
- How are the kids? 'Cause you've got two now.
Just like me.
Yes, it's an adjustment.
Aden's in preschool right now.
- It's crazy, right? - It's crazy.
He brings lots of artwork home.
- It's great.
- I was just talking about that.
I I'm doing this garage cleanout, and I found, like, five boxes of my kids' art.
- Yeah.
- You know, I I don't want to keep all of it, 'cause some of it's kind kind of (bleep).
I just don't want to throw it in a box - and I don't know what to do.
- No, no, no, you can't do that.
- No.
- I mean, there's so many I am very organized.
You know what I do with my kids' art? We have a bathroom where I literally just have a wall of his artwork, so every single time Aden pees he's such a great pee-er, by the way he actually just he gets to look at his artwork.
The boy can just stand there like a hero and just, like psssss It's amazing.
Isn't organizing just, like, your zen moment? Yes.
You know what I love? I love labeling the bins, that little labeling machine.
The p-touch is my jam.
I mean, I can't even tell you.
Don't you just love the colors that it comes in? There's so many different, and you have different fonts.
And then you can organize each bin.
You can say, like, "wood toys.
" You can say, like, "plastic toys.
" You can say, like, "dirty toys.
" God, who would have an all-white nursery? They should make nurseries, like, poop color, - and then we just, like, blend.
- Okay, got it.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, oop, there went that.
Well, okay.
I got it.
Whoa, yep, got it.
There we go.
Okay.
Oh.
Ow.
Where is that going? That is going in the back of your minivan back to Costco.
Uh, okay.
Jodie, I think we have to have the talk.
It is time for you to get your own minivan.
No.
No, no, no.
That's like that's that's admitting defeat.
- Yeah.
- No, listen.
Getting a minivan is like losing your virginity, you know? It hurts for a minute, but then, afterwards, you just think of all the stuff you can fit in it.
I don't want a minivan that I can fit a lot of stuff in.
I want a nice, tight, small sports car.
Things change when you have a kid.
You just have to get used to it.
Like, your boobs are no longer you own.
You have hummus in your hair 80% of the week.
You love your kids, and you just give them everything, but then, like, you start realizing that, like, "I need to keep some things for myself.
" - But we love 'em.
- Oh, so much.
- So much.
- Those sweet little faces.
- The best things ever.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Best things we ever did.
- Absolutely.
But they'll suck you dry if you let 'em.
How am I gonna How am I gonna listen to, like, inappropriate gangster rap in a minivan? You just roll up the windows.
You can listen to whatever you want.
(Bleep) your minivan, unless I'm borrowing it, in which case, it's incredibly handy.
But I don't want one of my own.
How about this? I have done so much research.
We will go to the car dealership.
We will just try it out.
All right, fine, but know that this is my worst nightmare.
Well, I would love to stay and chat, ladies, but I actually have to get to my new yoga class.
- Oh.
- Yes, I'm very excited.
This place is super-exclusive.
It takes, like, nine months to get into.
They have, like, oxygen pumped in from the Himalayas.
There's a vaginal steamer in the locker room.
So Gwyneth.
Do you share that with other people? All right, you know what? You're not gonna ruin my vibe, okay? Namaste.
(Bleep) I hate yoga.
Nice, that opens our heart chakra a little bit.
Just put your palms up on your thighs and let the energy come in, 'cause I know that we all live in LA, and it is all about superficiality and everything external.
But not this class.
We're gonna make it internal.
I'm gonna get to know each and every one of your insides.
So I'd like everybody to stand up on their feet, please.
Everybody inhale, arms up in the air, and exhale.
Hands through your heart.
And this time, we're gonna take them up.
And let's do a baby back bend.
Just wake up your back.
Good morning, back.
Okay, and then takes your hands through your heart and then all the way down to your mat.
Yeah, loosen up those calves.
Walk it out.
And then walk your hands up towards your palms.
And we're gonna do a little rag doll.
Hang there.
Let the tension come out of your lower back.
Now I'd like you to take your left foot and place it in between your palms.
And we're gonna cartwheel our arms up in the Warrior II.
Oooh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, ready, upward-facing dog.
Okay, and now downward-facing dog.
So I like to think of yoga as a good place to work through life difficulties.
I know sometimes there are distractions, and what you can do is just focus on your breath.
The inhale and the exhale.
- Ahh.
- That's good.
Okay, check this out.
Such a cool feature.
Ready? Whoo Magic.
Now, how's that for amazing? It just automatically opens.
And lookit, how spacious.
It's, like, twice the size of a hearse.
You could just throw my dead body in there now.
They even have stow-and-go.
And they have a premium sound system.
Ba-ba-ba-bop.
That's amazing.
So cool.
Your car doesn't do that.
No, but my car goes over 75.
Ladies, ladies, hi, my name's Rick.
- Hi, Rick.
- Welcome.
Welcome.
Hi.
I see you checking out the minivan.
Why don't we head over to my desk, and I can answer any questions that you have? - All right.
- All right, come on over.
All right.
See, I got my research.
- We're ready.
We're ready.
- Here we go.
Okay.
Okay, well, let's talk about the minivan.
- Yes.
- First of all, it is such a great deal, right, what we have right now.
It's Yeah, here, let's talk about that deal.
I have some notes here.
Just don't mind me.
- Oh, okay.
- I'm just gonna yeah.
We are not paying sticker price.
We're only willing to accept 1,000 over invoice.
- 1,000 - So you can just write - that down.
- Okay.
Also, we're also aware of dealer security.
- Yeah.
- We should take that off.
That's an extra add-on that's just totally not necessary.
And you know what? She's got great credit.
So we're gonna do the 2.
5.
- Oh, 2.
5, yeah, sure.
- Yeah, so that's Like, we're not gonna do anything other than that.
- Sure.
- We're also aware of that $750 - rebate, so get that in there.
- 750.
Yes, and, you know, we don't need the extended warranty.
No.
We don't want any dealer extras.
- Sure, sure.
- I mean, that's it for now.
I to make sure that I got everything, but, like Oh, my god.
You are so prepared.
You should be thankful you have a friend like this.
- I'm gonna go get the keys, okay? - Perfect.
- Sit tight.
- Great, thank you.
I'll be right back.
This is amazing.
We're gonna get the deal that we want.
Yeah, but it's on a minivan.
I want something fun and young and I just I feel like I'm letting go of my youth, of my fun, of my vibrancy.
But you're embracing motherhood and our new place in life.
You'll learn to love it.
Okay, I got the keys here.
I've got to say, I feel really good about this one.
You know why? Because of your confidence.
I-I can sense that you are the kind of person that goes, "Hey, you know what? Driving a minivan isn't lame.
" Say good-bye to your youth and hello, motherhood.
Here you go, Mom.
Oh, yeah, that's a little bit more than necessary.
No, it's not.
This is amazing.
I feel I feel I feel much more like me.
Ahh, she's gonna run a light! Oh.
Oh, mother (bleep).
- Namaste.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Oh, thanks.
That was a really great class.
Awesome to have you.
Thanks, so wow, that mouth breather.
That was, like, really it was, like, crazy loud, huh? - What was up with that? - What? I don't know.
What are you talk what? I don't know how you couldn't have heard that.
It was wow.
I mean, I think 'cause I'm just so tuned in to everybody else's energies, and I'm more seeing colors, less noises.
- Huh, okay.
- Yeah.
Is it because of who he is? 'Cause he's, like, Wanya from Boyz II Men? No, no, I don't see celebrity.
Okay, well, maybe we could maybe just tell him to, you know, tone it down just a little or maybe, like Yeah, okay, so yeah, here's what I'm seeing.
When things are upsetting us from the outside - Yes.
- it has to do with our issues.
So if you want to be in this class, I'd love to be able to guide you through that and help you to evolve to the next place, you know? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
It's okay.
Yeah, 'cause if that doesn't happen I just would love to have you in class is what I'm saying.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I see where you're going with that.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Well, I'll see you next Tuesday, so Wait, class is Wednesday.
I know.
- Okay, namaste.
- Namaste.
- And honor the light and me - Honor - Honor the divinity in you.
- All of the lighting.
All of the honoring.
Oh, all right.
- Namaste.
- Still talking.
- You got two speeding tickets? - I know.
Who gets two speeding tickets in the course of just a few miles? Okay, okay, okay The cop was a dick, okay? He was a dick.
Let's be real.
What are you gonna do? I think that maybe the sports car, it was a slight misstep.
I The sports car is just - Impractical.
- It's super impractical.
It's the old me.
Like, I can't fit anything in there.
I can't fit the kids.
I can't fit groceries.
I can't fit anything in that car.
The only thing you can fit in it is your ego.
I'll have you know it has a very small trunk.
Oh, well, good thing you're getting a minivan, then.
Ooh.
I've I've accepted I've accepted my mommyhood, yeah.
Ohh, little miss Sweetin, growing up.
Good, so tomorrow we take that bad boy back.
Can we move on? How was your yoga class? Ugh, so there's this guy in class today.
It's Wanya.
Do you know what this He's from Boyz II Men.
- Oh, I love Wanya.
- Ohh.
Oh, my gosh.
He's so sweet.
- He's a doll.
- And he's so funny.
We did "Dancing With The Stars" together.
- Yeah, he was so great on that.
- I know, he's really - He's such a good dancer.
- He's amazing.
Okay, guys, please.
Can we just calm down on the Wanya love? I'm sure he's a very lovely person.
But his breathing in yoga is inappropriate.
Aren't you, like, supposed to do that in yoga, though? There is a difference between yoga breathing and just, like, annoying, like, asshole breathing.
- Ew.
- Oh, you'd be surprised.
There's a whole I think that's Kundalini.
There's, like, a thing for that? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
No, but I'm serious.
You guys, like, I'm gonna go back to this class next week, and I'm gonna try, but if he's in there, no promises, my friends.
Wanya the wonder mouth breather.
- Namaste.
- Oh, shut up with the namaste.
Let's find Rick.
He's totally gonna understand.
I just want to swap 'em out.
He was really helpful yesterday.
Absolutely.
- Hi.
- Ladies, how are you? So good to see you again.
How's the car? - Oh, well - It's great, right? No, I I made a mistake.
I really should have bought the minivan, so I just want to swap 'em out.
Just - Yeah.
- One right for the other.
You want to return the car? No, I mean, I want to return it, but I want to get something else.
- Okay, ladies, ladies - Just like I said.
You know, for something of equal or lesser value.
- This is of lesser value.
- Time-out.
Time-out.
When you sign the paper, you own the car.
And you can't bring it back.
No, it's like an extended test drive.
- Oh.
- Like, I took it home it parked in front of my house, and then I drove it back.
It doesn't matter.
The minute it leaves the lot, it depreciates.
I don't know what to tell you.
I'll buy it back for $10,000 less than what you paid for it.
- What? - It's the best I can do.
I don't understand why I can't just swap these cars out.
Look, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
If you didn't understand me, but Hold on there, okay? I'm not your sweetheart.
Okay, honey, what I'm trying to tell you is that it's a deal that we have to stick to.
That's all I got.
I'm gonna go help my customer.
And if you ladies want the deal, just let me know.
Excuse me.
This is a terrible deal.
This is not a deal.
He was so much nicer yesterday.
- This is - Little miss Research Rita here, okay, why didn't you tell me that there's no cooling off period, that once I drive the (bleep) car off the lot that I can't return it? - Oh, so now it's my fault.
- Why didn't you tell me? - Well - Well, if you would have listened to me in the first place, you would have had the minivan.
I mean, we're not supposed to - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Shh.
- What? - But we need the fuel economy.
- That's why we need this baby.
We I think we've got something for the both of you.
- Where is that coming from? - I have a great deal.
You know, I have a - I can hear - His conversation, Rick.
From there over here.
- We have a four-year-old.
- What? - That is weird.
- That is so weird.
Okay, why don't you guys just look around - Oh.
- and when you're ready I had that baby monitor.
I'll see what we can work out.
He's actually listening in on everyone.
- Great gossip, thank you.
- Yeah.
That son of a bitch.
- You're my favorite salesman.
- Ohh.
- So far so good.
- Oh, my god.
All right, let's show you around.
You know, I thought it was weird that he knew exactly how I felt about that sports car.
You know what? Two can play that game.
Mm-hmm, okay.
- Let's do this.
- Let's get it.
Bend over to your right.
That is nice.
That is a nice stretch, Wanya.
Okay, you're a little tense, but I don't think there's anything we can do about that just yet, but maybe in a minute.
All right, now let's come into crescent moon.
I can't.
I can't do this.
How do you not hear yourself? I'm sorry.
It's so loud.
Your outfit is loud.
That's the only thing loud in this room, sweetheart.
All right, just keep it on the level.
Focus.
Look, I think it's distracting to everyone.
- No.
- It is, and they just don't want to say anything, because you're Wanya from Boyz II Men.
Look, I come here to get centered and focused, okay? Good energy, and I don't have time to deal with your crazy ass.
Oh, I come here to get centered and focused, and I can't do that because of your crazy mouth breathing.
You sound like a hater.
Oh, you sound like a heater, like a broken furnace.
- So there's that.
- Right, right.
Just try it.
Please, for me.
You're driving me nuts.
Oh, my god.
So what you're telling me is, you're not gonna stop.
I'm not gonna stop.
I'm not gonna stop.
Oh, two can play at this game, my friend.
There you go.
Okay, back into downward dog.
And then we're gonna go into upward-facing dog.
Ohhhh.
Ahhh.
And downward-facing dog.
Oooooh.
And then put your right foot in between your palms.
Cartwheel your arms up.
Neeeeeahhhh.
I've got to stop; I've got to interrupt your yoga practice.
I'm very sorry that somebody in the class - is being very distracting - Yes, thank you; thank you.
and disruptive.
- Yeah, I'm talking about you.
- Me? Yeah, your energy is a little too much for me.
- I can't take it.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Is no Did no one here hear this guy over here, frickin' loudmouth, loud breather? Listen, I can listen to Wanya breathe all day, and maybe all night if We're gonna talk about that later, so I'm just gonna ask you out of respect to all my fellow yogis to hit the road, jack.
- Don't come back.
- Namaste.
Don't namaste me like you know what that means.
It means get out.
Okay, fine.
Okay, you guys, let's just take some deep, cleansing breaths to just shake it Ahh, Jesus.
Sorry, I forgot my water bottle.
Enjoy the rest of your class with Darth Vader.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Ready? - Yep.
Got this.
Yeah, okay, so have you guys thought about the reduced deal? You know what? Actually, we'd like to speak to your manager.
- Yeah.
We'll wait.
- We'll wait.
Oh, okay, hold on.
Yeah, I'll call.
Bye.
Um, are you sure about this? - Absolutely.
- I really want you to think about it.
- You're manager, please.
- Take a second longer.
We took a second.
Manager, please.
- Go, yes.
- And Be right back.
It's not gonna be pretty.
Thanks, Rick.
You know, it's just really unfortunate that you've had such a bad experience here.
I know, you know, I was really hoping that I would walk out of here satisfied, and it's really been terrible.
And Rick has been - Super unhelpful.
- Right? Hashtag Rick's a dick.
Oh, you know what? What would your 1 million followers on instagram think of someone treating you so poorly? You know, it might be good to warn people of such a such a terrible dealership like this.
I mean, remember when you talked about that Italian restaurant? That's right, hashtag food poisoning fettuccini.
That's right.
I remember that, yeah.
And aren't they closed down now? Yep.
I would just I would hate for that to happen again.
Hey, ladies, my name is Jamie.
I am the manager here, and - Oh, hi, Jodie.
- Hey, Jodie.
- It's a pleasure.
- Hi, Beverley.
Beverley, hey, I heard that there might have been some problems.
Well, you know, I'd like to sort of trade out the cars.
You know, I actually have a few other things that I'd love for you to kind of throw in there.
- Oh, you do? - Yeah, for free.
Five years of maintenance would just be amazing.
Yeah, 'cause that maintenance can be really costly.
And you know what also? The entertainment package you're gonna need, because you've got the kids.
I mean, you know I would love to get that in there for free too, 'cause, you know, who has a minivan these days without TVs? That's just silly.
And also, I hear you guys have a great weekly wash program.
I would love to keep my car sparkling and looking brand-new, you know, for free, 'cause really - It's great advertisement.
- Absolutely.
I mean, she's basically screaming, "come here.
- They're so good to us.
" - Yeah, you know.
"They take care of their customers.
" Yeah, we we sure do.
Wow, I tell you what.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it for you guys.
- That's amazing.
- Jamie, thank you so much.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm gonna go ahead and, I guess, - get all the paperwork started.
- Great, it's a deal, Jamie.
- It's been a pleasure.
- Thank you.
- Fantastic, yeah.
- You rock.
- Thank you.
I - Jamie rocks.
Thanks.
Ahh.
- Well, that was a productive day.
- Yeah.
What are you doing out there? You know, nothing.
Ahh.