Hollywood Darlings (2017) s02e05 Episode Script

Ovulation Staycation

1 Female announcer: A Pop original series.
[birds chirping.]
Hey, Mr.
Gold, please tell me what you think about it.
[upbeat music.]
Hey Hey Hey I said Guys.
Hey, a little help here.
Yeah, okay, fine.
Uh, I got this.
[groans.]
- [upbeat music.]
- Hey, Mr.
Gold Please tell me what you think about it Guys.
I am so excited for our biannual girls' trip.
Is this really gonna count as our trip if it's just a staycation? It's the best I could do with her schedule.
I'm sorry.
But seriously, Bev, I mean, do you need all of this stuff for one night? Come on, Bev, why are we packing the entire walk-in closet here? What? Don't be ridiculous.
This is not just clothes.
I've got snacks, I've got drinks, I've got magazines for the pool, I even got my itty-bitty waffle iron.
'Cause you know, breakfast at this hotel is gonna be so expensive.
You just brought one waffle iron? No Vitamix this time? No.
It I didn't have room.
[upbeat electronic music.]
You ain't rock and roll You think you're rock and roll I've got your itineraries.
- And your key cards.
- Thank you.
A plan is what, a schedule is when.
It takes both a schedule and a plan to ensure you're having fun.
- Wow.
- Oh, my God.
- [gasps.]
- Yeah, yeah.
- Shit, take this.
- Both: What? - What're you doing? - What's going on? Come here.
It's this guy that I ghosted like three weeks ago.
- Both: Ah, he's cute.
- Shh.
He's just really nice, and it was gross.
Yeah, he sounds horrible.
Hmm, nice guys always finish last.
It's the only good thing about them.
[chuckles.]
Okay, well, we better get going - 'cause we're already late.
- Oh, yes.
Thank God for your schedule.
And we gotta get all of this done before our vegan virgin mixology class.
That's why I chose this hotel.
It's supposed to be amazing.
I don't think you know what amazing means.
Okay, guys, I gotta actually make a phone call real quick, - so I was thinking maybe - Ah, no, no, no, no thinking.
Everything is scheduled right here, so rest that pretty little mind, and just relax.
Yeah, I forgot why traveling with you is such a joy.
You know, I need to check the gift shop, for, like, an invisibility cloak or a ski mask or something.
Okay, well, then, let's just rendezvous outside of the hotel room in 5 minutes and 30 seconds.
Go! Shit You're my cover.
I've gotta make some normal friends.
- [playful music.]
- [cell phone trills.]
- Hello.
- Hey, We just got to the hotel.
Uh, how was your flight? Eh, you know, uncomfortable.
Full of disease.
I just walked around the front door.
Oh, great, uh, listen, did you get my text? Dude, it's the last day of my ovulation.
We're never gonna get our schedules together.
I don't know how we're gonna make a second baby.
Why don't you just come home? Have you met Bev? She geo-tracks us.
I step one foot off these premises, she's gonna come running after me.
Listen, babe, you're gonna have to relax.
If you wanna have a baby, you really need to be just kind of calm right now.
Oh, don't you worry about that.
I brought my anti-anxiety meds.
- Pot brownies? - Oh, yeah.
Oh, man, I miss everything.
Hey, I got an idea.
How about you call my mom to babysit and get over here for a little quickie.
Ah, I like it.
What room are you in? Just text me when you get here.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
- Someone's getting laid - I'm gonna have sex today.
Hmm, this is fun.
I don't know about a fanny pack that has dangling leather tassels.
It just invokes the image of hanging pubes.
I know, right? And it's it's $1,400.
[coughs.]
Are you kidding me? Guys, I'm just so excited.
We've got yoga coming up, the champagne social, and the sunset ceremony.
I heard it's just beautiful.
Oh, great, we don't even get a moment to ourselves.
Oh, no, I scheduled 15 minutes of free time in a few hours.
Don't worry.
I cannot believe you laminated that schedule.
Well, I knew we were gonna be close to the splash zone.
Okay, listen, if it's too much, I am willing to forgo the Haunted Hollywood Past tour so that we can get the best seats for the vegan virgin mixology class.
You realize virgin mixology is just juicing, right? Oh, no, it's so much more than that.
- Mm.
- Yeah, sure.
- [texts dings.]
- Ooh, I like that.
It looks kind of pretty, right? - Yeah, it's really pretty.
- Uh, you know what, guys? I think I'm gonna go back to the room.
I think I just ugh! I'm just kind of feeling, you know, sort of faint.
I'm just gonna, like, lay down for a minute.
Sure, okay, well, I've got some water in my bag, and I also have some snacks.
Just remember, we've got yoga coming up next.
- Okay.
- We'll see you in a minute.
Okay.
All right, well, 18 minutes.
Why don't we go dip our toes in the pool? Why are you making that face? Let's do it.
Come on.
- Sure, why not? - Live on the edge.
- Okay.
- Come on.
[grunts.]
Oh, it's so inviting.
Yeah, it is pretty nice out today.
- Beautiful day.
- Shit.
- What? - Th that guy that I ghosted.
It's like he's haunting me.
Wait, is he the ghost or are you the ghost? I'm just so confused on this whole ghosting thing.
- I I need a distraction.
- Ah! [upbeat music.]
Are you serious? Hey, we only have seven minutes.
It'll only take me 5 1/2.
I know it's not gonna be a problem, honey.
[moaning.]
I can't believe you.
Now my stopwatch won't work.
I'm sorry, Bev.
I had to create a distraction somehow.
Well, at least Christine's on top of it.
- It's getting really sweaty in here.
- I know.
- I can barely breathe.
- I can't either.
[laughter.]
Hey, how's my makeup? Did you ever see the movie "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" - No, is it a good one? - It's great, you'd love it.
Okay, well, we don't have much time, so we gotta hurry.
[card reader beeps.]
- My card won't work.
- Did you hear that? Maybe? I must have left it by my credit cards.
Oh, my God, you gotta be kidding me.
Go, go, go.
Well, here let's try 'em out.
- There we go.
- Ooh.
Christine.
Ah.
- Hey.
- You're not dressed yet? Yeah, well We have yoga in ten minutes.
Oh, good, I've already limbered up.
Well, at least I'm not the only one in trouble now.
Be right out.
No, no, no, no, no.
[indistinct chatter.]
does not pay $12 for nuts.
- How am I gonna get out? - I don't know.
- I will figure it out.
- I'm starving.
Okay, well, I have you covered.
Oh, yeah.
Here's your nuts.
Are these alphabetized? Does it smell weird in here? Sorry, I farted.
Do not come in here.
- Ugh, gross.
- Ew, gross.
Okay, nine minutes, guys.
Get down.
Grow your tree upward.
[playful music.]
You know how that sounds, right, Christine? [exhales deeply.]
- Breathe in.
- [breathes out.]
And now come down to the lunge on your left.
I thought yoga was like laying down on the ground and sort of napping.
That's the end.
We are still in the middle.
That's Savasana.
Can we skip to Savanana or whatever the hell it is? Just move forward into a crescent moon, and lunging we're lunging.
Very nice.
Why is this a crescent? I mean, this looks nothing like a crescent moon.
Ooh, Jodie, I think you've been spotted.
- What do you mean? - Oh, Sarunas.
He's right there.
Oh, yeah, he looks like a real nightmare.
I'll be back.
[groans.]
Okay, Bev, let's go into a Warrior II.
- Hi.
- He hey! Sarunas, how are you? I'm I'm I'm good.
I thought that was you over there.
You know, I I was actually really worried about you - for a while.
- Oh.
Yeah, yeah, you weren't answering my text messages or or phone calls or emails, you know what I mean? - So, huh - Yeah.
- Is everything okay? - It's, you know, I I I wanted to call, I really did.
Um, but it was, you know Did I do something to hurt you? 'Cause I am so sorry if I did.
No, God, no.
Not at all.
It's not it's not you, like, individually.
- Like, you know, it's more - Okay.
as a whole grouping of things.
And I really had to, like, ask myself, you know, kind of what what what do I want, you know? - Yes.
- And in looking at that, I started questioning things and Jodie, you're missing it.
Come on.
And I spent a lot of time with my girlfriends.
And I started realizing things that I, um, you know, am, uh I'm gay.
So [chuckles.]
- Yeah.
- Gay? Yeah, yeah.
It's, uh - Wow.
- Yeah, it's been a journey.
I bet.
Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you.
- [stammers.]
I don't even know what to say, but, uh - Me either [laughs.]
.
- That's, uh That's so ah, well, look, - I am very happy for you, okay? - Thank you.
Jodie, come back.
Bev, I need you to be lunging more and talking less.
Beverly Is that Beverly Mitchell? - She's my girlfriend.
- [giggles.]
- That's your girlfriend? - Yeah, nobody knows yet.
- [gasps.]
- You know, I - I feel like I should - Yeah.
- probably get back to her.
- You live your truth, boo.
- Great to see you.
- It's great to see you.
- I will - I'm so excited.
- I won't tell nobody.
- Got it.
You are so nice.
How about we do a little downward dog? [sighs.]
Okay.
So just peddle your feet out.
That's it.
You know, Bev, I'm gonna just - Yeah, you look a little - Handle those legs.
Tight, yeah.
That's very nice, Jodie.
Yeah, well, I mean, you know, stretch out a little bit.
There, see? Like that, and then you pull back a little bit.
- And then you go forward.
- Right in the hips.
- That's great.
- Okay, yep.
- Just like that, and then just - Oh, okay.
Come down all the way to the ground.
Go down, there you go.
And a nice, gentle, upward dog.
That stretch oh yeah.
That's a You oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to grab you.
[cell phone vibrates.]
Is this is this the right way to do it? Look at that Oh, stretch the neck out.
- There you go.
- Ah, oh, oh, my neck.
- Oh, my God, what happened? - Are you okay? No, I think I just really crooked it.
I'm gonna need to go in, so Oh, no, no, no, don't worry about it.
We've got massages coming up next.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh, you guys.
- That massage felt amazing.
- Right? - I needed that so bad.
- I think we all did.
I think I worked out knots from, like, 2012.
[laughter.]
Oh, by the way, my masseuse gave me an energy reading after.
- She told me what my name meant.
- Mine did too.
- Oh, I love this stuff.
- It was so cool.
What did What did your name mean? My name means "follower of Christ.
" - Oh.
- Namaste.
I don't think the namaste goes with that.
- What was yours? - Mine was "grace of God.
" - Oh, Jodidiah.
- Right? I know.
It's, like, very regal, royal.
I like it.
- Grace of God? - Yeah.
What about yours? - What? - What'd your name mean? Oh, I I don't think she Uh, she didn't really know mine.
It was just it wasn't right.
What wasn't right? I mean, it's like - It's like a meaning.
- Yeah.
Well, it just I think the meaning was off.
W what was it? I mean, it doesn't have to be, like, totally you, - but it's like a little bit.
- No, it's not.
You realize we're not gonna get off this until you tell us.
Bev.
"Beaver stream.
" [laughter.]
Or "meadow of beavers.
" I don't know A meadow of beavers? Just like like just thousands of beavers running loose.
She didn't explain it very well.
I mean, I just, like, was hung up on the beaver part.
[cell phone vibrates.]
- [laughter.]
- Uh, you know what? Speaking of beaver streams, I gotta go tinkle.
I'll be right back.
Okay, well, hurry back.
You're missing out on everything.
She's missing out on all these moments.
Shh Shit.
Hi.
- Don't wanna interrupt.
- Oh, no, you're fine.
- You're fine.
- You guys look great.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
You should try this.
It's really amazing.
- What? - Try this, it's really good.
[upbeat music.]
Oh, it's got all these buttons.
- I know, they're - [moaning.]
Okay, uh, maybe you turn around? Or Shh, be quiet.
Isn't that good? Right? - What? - Uh, a bit, yeah.
- You like it? It's good.
- What's going on? You never share food.
Bev, I just, you know, you're my friend, and I love you.
Your hair looks pretty today.
Um, I I just wanna be close to you.
Aw, I love you too, Jodes.
You know, this is so nice.
I'm so happy that you get this.
That that this weekend is just about us being close, and being connected, and, like, our sisterhood Bev, I am so connected, and embracing the sisters of the sisterhood.
That's not gonna work.
- Maybe if I this way.
- Yeah, there we go.
- Just like college, right? - [laughs.]
This is so nice.
You know, and Christine is missing this.
That's okay, it's just you and me.
You know what? - I am going to go check on her.
- Okay, all right.
You do you, boo.
Okay.
Don't be gone too long.
I miss you.
Already.
[laughs.]
- Oh.
- Ah.
God, no, aw, shit.
- Christine? - [gasps.]
Yeah? You okay? Uh, yeah.
I'm just finishing up.
I I'll meet you back at the table.
No, you know what? I'll wait.
Yeah, okay.
Ugh.
- [toilet flushes.]
- Hey.
Hey, you know, I just wanted to check on you.
I feel like you've been, like, really distracted.
You're just not even here.
I mean, Jodie has been really, really into it.
- I know.
- So much so it's a little alarming.
And I know that you needed a break from Brandon.
And, like, he's just been really driving you crazy and bonkers with the house, and the sleeping and the snoring I'm sure I never used that word when it comes to him.
No, pretty sure you said "annoying.
" [head thumps.]
- Someone else in here? - No, I don't think so.
[high-pitched voice.]
Sorry, ladies.
I'm trying to poop.
A little privacy, please.
- Ew.
- Oh, wow, we should go.
- Yeah, it's gonna get real weird in here.
- Good luck.
- So sorry, ma'am.
- Okay, have a good day.
[sighs.]
[gasps.]
Bathroom six is clear.
Uh, you're safe, ma'am.
I'm so excited for our all-night movie marathon featuring Sandra Bullock.
- Isn't that fun? - Ooh, yeah.
I've got, uh, "Miss Congeniality," "Miss Congeniality 2," "Love Potion No.
9" Ooh, "The Proposal.
" You know, for you, I even threw in "Speed.
" I you know, it's a little darker.
- A little bit more action.
- All night? Yeah, just like old times.
What? You got something better to do? No.
[chuckles.]
No, I am here.
I am I am in it to win it, ladies.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Can't we throw in, like, a good, like - I don't know, like a classic? - I put "Speed" in there.
No, like a "Silence of the Lambs," or like Ooh, ooh, I've been craving something sweet.
- Ooh, I - Mmm, that is really good.
Jodie, you want some.
No, I'm actually gonna order dessert, like a normal human at a restaurant.
Is there, like, a different kind of spice in here? 'Cause the taste is very different.
- Really good, though.
- Well, you could say that.
- Can I get the recipe? - Definitely.
You know, we should save it, though.
Save the rest because it's very, very decadent.
No, don't eat tho don't eat the crumbs.
- It's okay.
- That's really good.
Yeah, you're gonna thank me later.
[rock music.]
Oh, my gosh, this is so good.
What? There's more? Oh, I'll be right back.
Okay.
What is going on with her? She never eats like this.
I know.
Truth? That was a pot brownie.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, this is amazing.
I know, I feel kind of bad, though.
She just ate it.
I didn't know how to say it.
This could be the best thing that's happened to us all weekend.
It could be the best thing that's ever to us in life.
- [guffaws.]
- But, God Maybe now we can relax.
We have such a long schedule of events coming up.
Do you think I could just sneak out and maybe just go lay down for an hour? - Go for it.
- Yeah? Yeah, I got Bev.
And taking care of high people is kind of my specialty.
- [laughter.]
- Thank you.
I love you.
I will take pictures and video.
- Thank you, I need all of those.
- Absolutely.
Ooh, look what I got.
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is amazing.
Oh, my gosh, this is seriously like the best day ever.
This is the best trip ever.
This is [gasps.]
I just I love this.
I love you.
I I love her.
I love every - Shh.
- You know, Jodie Sweetin Bev, Bev, shh.
I love you too, but our love is quiet.
- Love is quiet.
- Oh.
It's okay, babe, you know, it happens to a lot of guys.
I'm not a trained monkey, Christine, okay? I need a little warm-up.
You know, uh, romance, a gentle touch.
I would love to be gently touching you, - but we are on a schedule here.
- [door opens.]
- Quick, get in the fireplace.
- No, forget it.
Why do we have to leave so fast? I think Sarunas was coming over to talk to you.
[giggles.]
Ooh! - Hi.
- What is this? [gasps.]
Were they Were you doing whoopee? Oh, my God, Bev.
I can totally explain, and no.
For your edification, there was absolutely no whoopee happening.
Hey, I'm a human being with needs.
- Okay, baby.
- [door knocking.]
Hey, sorry to be barging in like this.
Your door was open.
But, uh, I really just came up here to tell you that, you know, your secret's safe with me.
You know how you've been a little uncomfortable all day around me, I just wanted to let you know - that you guys can trust me.
- Oh.
Yeah, congratulations, by the way, you guys are such a beautiful couple.
It's inspiring.
- Oh, uh, wait, me and her? - Don't talk.
As a couple? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That would never work.
- Excuse me.
- Tha no.
But isn't this the reason why you disappeared? Mm-mm, no, no.
She just ghosted you because you're too nice and you're really boring.
That's enough.
Why would you lie to me? It was less of a lie, and more of a like, a letting down easy.
You know, I didn't You ghosted me, avoided me, and pretended to be gay.
Mm-hmm.
Well, you know, when you put it that way, - it's really - It's not cool.
- No, it's not.
- You know what, Jodi? I'ma ghost you like you ghosted me.
- So - Ooh.
take care.
Ooh.
That's not how you ghost somebody.
You don't tell somebody that you're ghosting them.
- You don't say goodbye.
- You just got ghosted.
Would you shut up? You know what? This is not fair, okay? I'm lonely now, and I have no one to cuddle.
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Cuddle time is not until 9:00.
- Check the itinerary.
- Guys, I'm sorry.
Look, I just wanna apologize, and in all honesty, we're trying to have another baby.
- [gasps.]
- Ah! - [yelping.]
- [laughs.]
[overlapping chatter.]
But my ovulation window is closing today, and so I just kind of thought I'd, like, sneak him in, you know, have, like, a quickie and then get back to the girls' weekend.
Oh, no, you should've told us.
Yeah, you should've told me.
I totally would've just put it in the itinerary.
I could've scheduled it.
Oh, and, uh, sorry about the whole pot brownie thing.
Pot brownie? Yeah, you should really never trust any sort of baked goods that you find at the bottom of a purse.
Oh, that's why I feel so weird.
You guys think that maybe you could give use just like, I don't know, ten, 15? - Oh, yeah, we should go.
- Away.
- Can I take my snacks? - Definitely.
[upbeat musical flourish.]
Thank you.
I just feel so close to you guys.
It's just so nice.
You're still high, aren't you? - Hmm? - Ooh.
Bev, I see what you mean about that mini bar.
Wait, what? Who the hell ate all this food? [rock music.]
Mmm, best girls' weekend ever.
Wait, wait, I don't even remember any of this.
I don't even remember the vegan virgin mixology class.
Was it good? Uh, yeah, it was great.
I mean, you loved it just like you thought you would.
So many delicious juice combos.
- Wow, it was amazing.
- Yeah.
What did we make? Uh, cucumber mint sliders.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- It was gluten-free.
- Yep, very vegan-y.
'Cause I got charged a no-show fee.
It was so quick, it was like, Oh, my God, I'm over there? It was, like It went by so fast.
I was trying really hard to be invisible.
What's happening? Yeah.
[upbeat music.]
This is amazing.
I can just feel myself getting healthier.
I just feel so much better.
I don't think you're supposed to drink something that's this color.
- It's good for you.
- I don't know.
You know what, Bev? I think this was a great idea.
- That's so good.
- So good.
I could do this for hours.
You know when she makes the Muppet face it's all gonna be bad.
It's not a Muppet face.
It's excited face.
It's your excited Muppet face.
I finally feel like the pot is flushing out of my system.
That's a shame.
We're taking our health into our own hands.
Squeezing it into our cups.
And drinking it [chuckles.]
Are you drunk? What is wrong with you? - I don't know.
- Just keep squeezing.