Hollywood Darlings (2017) s02e06 Episode Script

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1 Female announcer: A Pop original series.
[upbeat rock music.]
And you're all set.
The system's just gonna ask you one question.
Okay.
- [screen trills, buzzes.]
- How rude.
Well, that was embarrassing.
I I don't have a problem tipping, but I do have a problem being shamed into tipping.
I mean, look, there's a picture of a sad shelter dog right here.
Well, it's not okay not to tip.
I mean, that's how they make a living.
Um, here, this is for her too, yeah.
- Thank you.
- [sighs.]
Sucker.
[light string music.]
Well, for ten bucks, you could carry a plate.
- Will you tip after that? - Oh, my God.
[upbeat electronic music.]
You think you're rock and roll You think you're rock and roll [upbeat rock music.]
[upbeat rock music.]
- Guys, hi.
Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, hey! Ooh, thanks for ordering.
Ooh, look at you, looking a little extra.
Oh, thank you.
I got my hair did, you know.
Ooh, you and Brandon have a date tonight? Yeah, kind of, actually.
We're going out with this other couple from Georgia's playgroup, and I don't know, I'm just really excited.
They seem they seem really cool.
You sound like a teenager with a crush.
[laughs.]
You know, it's hard to find other couple friends.
I mean, it's like sometimes, you find a chill mom or a cool dad, but finding both is like the holy grail, you know? Oh, I get that.
We had this one couple we used to hang out with, but they were stealing silverware from restaurants.
They're in jail now.
For stealing identities, not silverware.
Who do you hang out with? Closest thing we've gotten is a couple that always makes us play games every time we hang out.
Last time, we played Settlers of Catan for five hours.
There's only so much wood you can trade.
- Bev, hey! - Oh, Kathy! Oh, hi! - It's so great to see you.
- How's it going? You remember Christine and Jodie.
- Of course.
- Hey, Kathy.
Hi, beautiful ladies.
Guys, do you know that I have known her for 30 years? - I know.
- Can hardly believe it.
Hey, oh, my gosh, you should join us.
Oh, I wish I could.
I am so slammed.
Ugh.
- Oh.
- But I'm handling out flyers.
- Oh.
- Because there is a statue going up at a park around the corner, and they decided to make a nude statue.
That's totally inappropriate.
So a group of parents are totally getting together, and we're gonna have a protest before it goes up.
And we would love to have you guys there.
Ooh, I I mean, I'll see if I can get a sitter.
Mm I'm washing my hair that night, I think.
Oh, yeah, being on TV, you probably have, like, a really strict hair regimen.
- Yeah.
- I do.
Well, you know I am always up for a worthy cause.
Oh, I know, 'cause you're the best! So call me.
I'll see you.
- Bye, Kathy.
- Bye! - Oh - Oh, my God, you guys, - this woman with the causes.
- [sighs.]
I know.
Do you remember she had the save the wallabies thing? And then she had that disabled squirrel rescue? Do you remember that? Okay, and now she's trying to kill art.
I had that paraplegic squirrel for, like, three years.
[sighs.]
Poor Stanley.
You guys, she's been my friend for, like, ever.
You know, she just has a really big heart.
I just don't trust anyone that doesn't get sarcasm.
[chuckles.]
I think you're just jealous that Bev and I have friends other than you.
- Uh, that could be it.
- I don't care.
Okay, well, good, because I cannot wait for Brandon and I to make some new besties tonight! You don't have to sing for us.
- We're just here to eat.
- I mean, it feels special.
I mean, I want to smile, but I've got stuff in my teeth.
I know, I know, I know.
- Oh, this was great.
- Oh, this was really fun.
- [both laugh.]
- Ooh! - Well, maybe we should - Do you think that may - [chuckles.]
Come on.
- You! This may be a little forward, but would you guys be interested in joining our co-ed bowling league? Yes, we love bowling.
Yeah, her head is shaped like a bowling ball.
- This is so exciting! - Awesome.
Although we should probably practice, because, in all honesty, it's kind of been a minute.
Maybe we could practice tomorrow.
- Yes.
- What? - Let's just keep dating.
- Let's okay! I mean, you know, like, see, I mean I got it.
We're not, like - We'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay! All right, all right.
- See you in, like, 12 hours.
- All right, all right.
[laughter.]
All right, all right.
This really was so This was so good.
- Okay.
- This was so fun.
Okay.
Now we'll hug again.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, all right, okay, we can hug again, okay.
- We're in love.
- See ya later, alligator.
- After a whiles, crocodiles.
- Oh! [chuckles.]
Why did I say that? That was so dumb.
She liked it.
You know, I've been thinking about Kathy's protest.
I think I'm gonna organize a counter-protest.
I mean, it's important for children to be exposed to art, you know? I mean, if it has a little nudity, so what? I guess so.
I mean, we live in one of the biggest cities in the world.
You know, kids need art and culture.
It helps with their body positivity.
You seem to know a lot about art all of a sudden.
Yeah, well, I know more than Kathy does, that's for sure.
I mean, what, we start censoring art, what's next, the robots take over? Mm, it seems a little dramatic, but I do see your point.
It is important for kids to be exposed to art and culture.
Great, so then you'll be on my side during the protest? Bev? Bev? Bev? [upbeat rock music.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, no [all cheer.]
Brewskis! Is it weird, you guys, that I like bowling mostly because I really like the shoes? - Yeah, no, they're cute! - [laughs.]
I don't know, I'm, like I'm kind of into them.
- Wait, who's next? - You are next.
- I'm next.
- Christine and - All right.
- Here you go, Sean.
- Oh, thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
[all cheering.]
I didn't know you were a professional.
That's great.
All right, it's fine.
- I'll lose, it's fine.
- Supes profesh.
Hey, what night is league night? - It's Tuesday.
- Tuesday.
Oh, it's not Saturday, right? "Saturday, Donny? "Saturday is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest.
I don't fucking roll" Both: "On Shabbos!" Of course you know it.
Oh, you're perfect.
You're you're both you're both just perfect.
[laughs.]
Well, it's like it's really fun to actually hang out.
I think I was, like, overthinking it, because truth be told, um, Christine, you're on his list.
I mean, it's early, but I Yes, I will be your emergency contact.
No, no, no! It's actually It's, um, his, like, celebrity list of the five that he could sleep with.
[light string music.]
Oh I was a big "Step by Step" fan - Yeah.
- When I was a kid.
- Yeah.
- Um who's on your list, huh? Oh, um, George Clooney, Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Steve Buscemi.
"Fuck you, Donny!" Yeah, I would fuck him! That's so cool.
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- And I'm up.
Oh, shit just got weird.
Yeah, it got real fucking weird real quick.
You know, this is gonna be so much fun, and we should definitely do this more often.
I know.
Well, you're coming to the protest, right? Yeah, I think I think I'll be there.
Oh, well, good.
You know, I I heard that Jodie's having a counter-protest.
Does she have a problem with me? What? No.
No, no, no, she loves you.
She just really loves art.
I love the arts, but, you know, there are lines to be drawn with inappropriate things, and I draw that at naked people and my kids.
Yeah, no, I know.
I mean, one time, I almost let my kids watch a movie called "Brown Bunny.
" I mean, that is not meant for children.
I just hope that you're on my side.
It'd be great to have my oldest friend there.
I'll be there.
- You will? - Yeah.
Oh, I'm so glad.
Thank you.
- Yeah! Oh! - Oh! Bring it in.
Oh, yeah.
Ah, my oldest friend.
30 years.
Yeah! Ha, that's me.
[inhales sharply.]
[light string music.]
Okay, so tomorrow's the protest.
You know, I'm gonna work on some more signs tonight, if you guys want to [gasps.]
Hi! Bev, I'm so glad you came.
- Oh, yeah.
- I was just telling them about you.
- Hi.
- Hey, Bev, you're here.
Great.
- Come on over.
- Of course.
Come on, Bev, we're all chatting over here.
- Come on! - Ah! Bev, pro-art.
Come on.
- You said you were pro-art.
- Pro-art.
Yes.
- Bev, come on over.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I think you should come here.
Bev, we're totally hanging out.
- We're figuring it out.
- Bev, you said.
Yes Whoa! I need more coffee.
I'll be right back! Right back.
Oh, goodness.
Oh, come on, Bev, grow some balls! Great.
We broke Bev.
Listen, Jodie, I appreciate your passion, but I don't want to see our friend be torn apart between two of her dearest friends.
Well, be that as it may, I think that we're just gonna have to settle this tomorrow, Kathy, when they do the unveiling, and I'm gonna win.
Nice try.
[groovy music.]
- - I don't know if I can go through with this.
- No, just be cool, all right? - Hey, you made it! - Hi! - Hey, Christine, Brandon.
See how he said your name first? Ugh, he's disgusting.
- Whoo! - Nailed the spare! - Good job, boo.
- Thanks.
- Whoo! - Whoo! Yes oh, thank you very much, sir.
Uh, very good job.
Uh, congratulations.
I'm gonna get another round.
Anyone want to help? - Brandon? - Uh, you know what, I'll go.
- I'll go with you.
- Great! Yeah, I'll do I'll do all the things with you.
- Wonderful.
Okay.
- I'm going with you.
Ah, well, you said that a lot.
Yeah.
Get there! [all cheer.]
- Yes! - Nice one! You are crushing it tonight.
Do you mind if I use your ball? No.
No, go for it.
This is nice.
Oh, wait, Christine, careful, your shoe's untied.
- Oh, yeah, let me help you - Ah, I got it.
I'm the one who ties her shoes.
It's just like a thing with us, you know? It's like in on our vows, he always said he would tie my shoes.
Kind of, like, keeps our marriage super strong.
- I love you so much.
- Yep, that's what I do.
- Oh, team effort.
- Yeah.
- [all cheer.]
- Ah! I did it! Yes! Ah, come on.
You are just so Ah! [grunts.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm I'm so sorry about that.
Are are are you okay? - I'm gonna go to the bar.
- [sighs.]
Anne We'll be back.
We really fucked that up, didn't we? - Yeah, we fucked it up.
- Yeah.
[light string music.]
- Jodie? - Yeah, Bev, I'm in here.
Hey.
I'm sorry that I ran away today.
Bev, you're a people pleaser, all right, and it's one of the things that I love about you, because it means that I always get to pick the restaurant when we go to dinner.
That being said, it's also incredibly frustrating, because I I watch you not make up your own mind.
You're right.
I am a people pleaser.
This whole thing, you know, it started off as a way to just piss off Kathy, but now I'm really into it.
You know, I don't think art should be censored.
- You're right.
- Stop.
- Sorry.
- Okay, I I don't want you to just say what I want to hear, and then go change your mind when you talk to Kathy later.
All right, so I will see you out there tomorrow on whatever side you choose, all right, and I will still be your friend regardless - [mouths word.]
- But I will be, you know, more your friend if you choose my side.
Okay, yeah, I will go home, and I will think about what you want I mean, what I want, what I want.
I will think about what I want.
And I will see you tomorrow, or maybe maybe I won't see you tomorrow.
- I haven't decided what I want to do.
- Okay.
[upbeat rock music.]
I think the swelling's going down.
- Yeah? - I don't know.
Hey, guys, again, I am really sorry about that over there.
Uh, we feel awful.
You know, we've just had so much fun hanging out with you guys.
Yeah, you know, we just got all freaked out about the whole list thing.
Yeah, we made it weird, you know? It didn't have to be weird, and we we made it weird.
I kind of made it weird initially by, like, even mentioning it.
I should never have done it.
Here's the thing you're not even on the list anymore.
You know, like, we've hung out, - and now I know you - Yeah.
And they say, "Never meet your heroes," and so you're you're not a fantasy.
And the reality is, like, we love hanging out with you.
You're great friends.
Oh, I really appreciate that.
I mean, so, I'm I'm not on the list at all now? No, you're completely off the list.
Okay! All right.
Just don't bring around Tiffani Amber Thiessen Wait, sorry, Tiffani Thiessen.
She's a great, talented actress.
- Oh, she's so talented.
- Yeah, very, very.
Oh, my God.
Very good for a list, I think, of all kinds.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, we'll see you again next week? Do something? - Yes, totally.
- Yeah.
- Hey, repeat performance, huh? - Okay, yes.
Well, not every part.
- Oh, maybe not that one.
- That would be bad, yeah.
Okay, we're really - Okay.
- All right, all right.
Hey, I think we should go to the doctor, though, because I shouldn't fall asleep tonight.
[exhales sharply.]
- What a night.
- Ooh, yeah.
Well, at least I'm off the list, right? - You're off the list.
- God.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Really off the list? - Yeah.
- Mildly insulting, actually.
- Oh.
It's like, clearly he made that list when he thought I was some young, spunky, cute tomboy, and then he met me, and he realized that I was some old mom hag with saggy boobs and crow's-feet? You don't have crepey skin.
I didn't say crepey skin, I said crow's-feet.
Oh, well, you don't have those either mm, not really.
[sighs.]
This is bullshit.
I mean, it's like when you like my Facebook posts.
But I do like your posts.
I mean, what does Kelly Kapowski have that I don't have? I'm not gonna answer that question.
You know what I am gonna do, though? What? I'm gonna get you back on the list.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You're the best.
- [chuckles.]
Come on.
And they say romance is dead, huh? [chuckles.]
[light string music.]
Okay, I can do this.
I'm not choosing between friends.
Just choosing art.
Oh! Hi, Bev! - So glad you're here.
- Hi, Kathy.
- Bev.
- Jodie.
- [clears throat.]
- [groans.]
- Mm - Come on, Bev! Okay, no, I can do this.
All right.
Sorry.
All right, guys, let's We don't need to see that! [all chanting.]
We don't need to see that! [all chanting.]
Nudity is natural! [overlapping chanting.]
I can't wait to see the look on her face when - Wha - [gasps.]
We don't need to see Oh, my God, Jodie.
- Oh, my God.
- [gasps.]
Mommy why does it have three legs? Oh.
God, wha [all chanting.]
We don't need to see that! We don't need to see that! We don't need to see that! - I may have been wrong.
- Oh, I there's so much wrong.
I I think we need to go over there on Kathy's side.
[all chanting.]
We don't need to see that! No, no, no, no, no, I wasn't that wrong.
Look, she cannot win, okay? We cannot admit defeat.
There's just a big wiener, and it's just it's so out there, it's just so gross.
- Wow, Bev - I just I feel so You just said "wiener.
" I'm impressed.
- I feel so dirty.
- It's not attractive, either.
- It's no, it's hideous! - I've seen worse.
Okay, anyway, I have a plan.
We're gonna come back here.
Meet me at 0200 hours.
Yes.
Wait, wait, is that That's 2:00, right? Or a is that a.
m.
or p.
m.
? I just sometimes, I get confused.
- Bev, just shut up, come on.
- Okay, okay.
Before she notices.
[overlapping chanting.]
I can't believe we watched four episodes.
Those two hours just flew by, huh? Really.
You know, now that "Step by Step" is online, I just love watching old eps.
I hope you guys don't mind.
- I forgot how funny it was.
- Oh! [laughs.]
What'd you think, Sean? Uh, it brought back a lot of great memories.
Hmm.
You know, we have more episodes.
- We can watch 'em all, if you want.
- No, no, that's okay.
- Yeah.
- I'm actually kind of hungry.
- We could eat.
- Uh, totally.
I'm just gonna go get the food.
- It's in the oven.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Oh.
What's this? - Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know how that got in there.
Christine, it's your old magazine cover.
Man, I bet you had that up on your wall in college, - didn't you, Sean, huh? - Oh, Brandon.
She hasn't aged a day, has she? You look exactly the same.
Oh, start.
Okay, if, um, no food is actually happening, we might have to bounce.
Our our babysitter is there only till 10:00 Oh, yeah, no, no, no, I'm going.
I'm just gonna Yeah, I'll be right back.
You know, she does yoga, like, pretty much every day.
She is so flexible.
She can actually take her feet and put 'em over her head and put her big toe in her butthole.
- All right - Her butthole? - Yeah, it's amazing.
- Yeah I had a crush on Christine, and it's when I was a kid, and it was all very innocent, and if we could just set that aside Who's ready for some pasta al dente? - Wow.
- Get it? - Ha-ha! - Yeah, I think we're gonna go.
What? No.
I I made salad too.
- It's not all carbs.
- No, no, come on, honey.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna take a little bit - Oh.
- Because, you know, who invites people over for dinner and doesn't serve them food for two hours? I didn't even get a cracker.
[muffled.]
Thank you - Okay.
- Thank you.
It's actually very good.
Did I take it too far? Uh, they'll be fine.
We'll see them at league night.
And I think you actually got back on his list.
And you know what's even more important? You're on my list.
- Number one? - You're up there, baby.
Hey, why don't you grab that pasta and meet me in the bedroom? Oh, my God, we haven't done that since our honeymoon.
- Well, come on.
- [chuckles.]
[slow string music.]
Bev, would you hurry up? What? I'm right here, I'm right here.
God, that jacket is ridiculous.
What are you talking about? What do you mean, what am I talking about? Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? You look like you've skinned a Muppet.
What? No, this is my favorite jacket.
Plus, it goes with my pink camo onesie.
I I can't with you.
Okay, look, I'm gonna cut this thing off.
- What? - You know, a little [clicks tongue.]
circumcision.
No, we cannot get caught vandalizing - a statue in a park.
- No shit.
.
That's why we're not gonna get caught, okay, 'cause you're our lookout, so look out.
[mutters.]
Oh, my God, somebody's coming! - Ah! - [screams.]
Quick! Grab the penis.
Let's go! - Hey! Who's there? - Oh, God! What are you doing? - Who is that? - I think it's Kathy? Beverly? - Uh - What's with all the clothes? I wanted to cover up the Penis? [rock music.]
- Yeah.
- Hey, look.
- They're already at the lane.
- Oh.
- Whoo! - Yay! - Yeah! Yeah, thanks.
- Yeah! Hey, who are they with? They replaced us? [sighs.]
God, now it doesn't seem so creepy.
Oh, God, now it's back to hanging out with the lame game players.
I hate everything.
[all cheering.]
I didn't know you were capable of criminal activity.
Well, it was Jodie's idea.
I just came just to make sure that she didn't hurt herself.
Okay, I didn't want to admit that I was wrong, and I still don't think that art should be censored, but I I found the statue to be, uh - Obscene? - Yes.
And you know what, Kathy, you seem like a really lovely woman.
- Can we just call a truce? - Are you kidding? - Come here! - Oh! - You're hugging me.
That's - [siren wailing.]
- Oh, God.
- Oh, shit! - Oh! Oh! - Um, drop the penis.
[both exclaiming.]
- Uh-uh.
- [squeals.]
[both scream.]
Hey, what's going on? The park is closed.
This woman was vandalizing this lovely statue.
Oh, no! This was all their idea! - We would never.
- No, mm-mm.
Okay, ma'am, I'm gonna need you to put that down, and step away from the giant penis.
Wow.
By the way, I've known her 32 years.
Ha-ha, I win.
Hey! Hey, come on! Get back here! All right, ma'am, you're coming with me.
No! You've got the wrong girl! - It's a movie.
- "Johnny Dangerously"? You're a tongue? You're, uh - "Amadeus"? - Weird Al Yankovic? Ugh, "Rocky II," "Rocky IV," "Rocky V"? Dear Lord, do anything else.
You Is it "All in the Family"? - Fists in the ground? - Angry fighting guy? - Me and you and - Okay, me and you and I - and me and my friends? - And Irene? Irene and me and Irene? It's a "no" to you, 'cause I'm in charge.
- "Sleepless in Seattle"? - "Charles in Charge"? - That's not a - I hate me? Me I hate? "Despicable Me"! - Ah! [laughs.]
- Yes! Incredible game! - Oh, God.
- Wow.
Oh, my God, we're two for two! Just felt like hours.
Both: Mmm I don't know why these timers are so long.
Ew.
- God, that was good.
- Did you eat salmon? - Yeah, I did.
- It tastes so good.
There's an AMBER Alert actually right now, so we we should probably go and check We should probably all go out and and search.
- I brought a flashlight.
- Let the dog out? Okay, yeah, I'm gonna walk you guys.
I'm gonna take these, 'cause I'm pretty hungry.
- Okay, all right.
- Yeah, have some popcorn.
Uh, we'll see you guys real soon.
- We'll see you real soon.
- Don't say that.