Home Improvement s05e14 Episode Script

High School Confidential

Today we show you how to build a man's bed.
We'll be using materials that make a man feel all warm and toasty inside.
Cold, hard steel.
That's right.
We'll be cutting that steel with the Binford 6100 chop saw.
She's a beauty, isn't she? Make sure your steel is fastened securely.
Use a smooth pull, makes for a smooth cut.
This is the steel for our headboard and frame.
And this is the backup steel for when Tim screws up.
Have a little faith, Al.
All right, well, here are the two equal side rails Tim cut.
Luckily, I cut some side rails earlier.
Now we gotta weld our flanges to our frame rails.
I love welding.
You might say I carry a torch for it.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! We finished our frame.
Now we attach it to the headboard.
And to form our design, we'll be using the Binford 6100 bender.
Do you suppose you call this a bender because it's been partying all weekend? Party! Ow! Ow! I don't think so, Tim.
The bender allows us to form our headboard into any manly pattern that we choose.
A moose, a beer mug, jockstrap.
A moose holding a beer mug, wearing a jockstrap.
- We've chosen - Doesn't matter what we've chosen.
Let's face it, men - no matter what design we put on the bed, once your wife gets a hold of it, it will look like this Men, it's time we fight back.
We've got to de-frill, de-lace, de-froufrou de bedroom.
That's why, next time on Tool Time.
we'll show you how a man designs his sleeping quarters and why it's called The master bedroom.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Mom.
When I was at the mall, I picked up some shirts for you.
See if you like them.
I don't like them.
You haven't even looked at them.
Hate it.
Hate it.
Really hate it.
I don't care what anybody says, you're still my son.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Dad.
Hi, honey.
What is that smile about? Mm-mm.
Are you planning something sexy for us tonight, or have you been welding? I've been welding.
- Hi, Mom, Dad.
- Hi, sweetie.
How was your day? - Unbelievably excellent.
- You were welding? - No.
I got an A on my English test.
- All right! - Great! I told you, you could do it.
- I'm real proud of you.
See, all your hard work pays off.
This is the second A.
Last year the only A I got stood for "absent.
" Yeah.
- Hi, Randy.
- Hi.
You're a little late.
Yeah, I got kept after school for detention.
You? Mr.
Moreno wants to see you guys about it.
- Mr.
Moreno? - He's that science teacher.
- We met him at the open house.
- What did he say? None of your business.
He's also my guidance counselor.
He says I've been goofing off in class.
This isn't like you at all.
What's going on? - Nothing.
- Bad answer.
I would have gone with, "It wasn't my fault.
It was the kid next to me.
" That never worked for me.
I was the kid next to me.
Randy, teachers don't give detention for nothing.
Actually, they do.
It's a new program, just started.
What's the big deal? Brad always gets detention.
I'm not getting detention anymore.
I just got my second straight A in English.
Of Mice and Men Ha-ha.
Finally teaching pest control in school.
That's good.
All right, science class.
Oh, I remember this smell.
Formaldehyde and frog guts.
I love frog guts.
How about you? Yeah, yeah.
Would you look at the size of the liver on this guy? I hope he had a designated driver.
I can't believe you're not worried about Randy.
Would you relax? This is the first time we've been called in.
When I was his age, my mom was at school so much, they thought she was an eighth grader with a station wagon.
My parents first got called in seventh grade.
Manujen, Home Ec.
She gave me a D in casseroles.
So the problem goes back that far? - Mrs.
- Oh, oh, hi.
- Good to see you again.
- Nice to see you again.
Taylor, thanks for coming in.
I'd say thanks for having us, but that's that's probably not what most parents say at this point.
You would be the first.
Please sit down.
I must admit, we were a little surprised to be called in for Randy.
He's never been in trouble.
We feel the reason Randy's having problems in class is that he's so bright.
- He's always ahead of the other students.
- Well, what are we doing here? Shouldn't you be talking to the parents of the dumb kids? What's happening is Randy finishes his work so quickly that he gets bored and becomes disruptive.
What should we do about it? We have a program, where we send a few exceptional students to the high school for certain classes.
We should send Randy to a high school science class? And a math class.
He's way ahead there, too.
Wow! - I hadn't realized he was that advanced.
- Well, it's not that surprising.
His dad skipped Intermediate Shop, went right to Advanced Metal.
You were a shop prodigy.
Well, let's just say I was metallurgically well-endowed.
Excuse me.
Can we get back to Randy? Well, all in all, I think it would be great for Randy.
Don't you? Yeah, but what about Brad? We already have a son in the ninth grade.
I'm not sure how he'll react to his younger brother moving to the same grade.
He said it was just two classes, science and math.
We'd make sure they weren't in any of the same classes.
This is a big decision.
We should give it a lot of thought.
Yeah, we should.
Let's do it.
You shouldn't make any decisions until you see how Randy feels.
- Talk it over with him and give me a call.
- OK, we will.
Thank you.
- You bet.
My pleasure.
- Thanks.
- You bet.
My pleasure.
After you.
- No, please.
Just asked him one question and he spilled his guts.
I can't believe it.
Mom and Dad are still at that teacher's conference.
I'm dead.
As someone who's been through this many times, can I give you advice? - Shoot.
- All right.
As soon as Mom and Dad walk through that door, you gotta say, "I'm sorry.
" You know, like you really mean it.
All right, how's this? I'm sorry.
Nope, not buying it.
- Hi, Randy.
Hi, Brad.
- Hey, guys.
I'm sorry.
Not buying it.
It's OK, Randy.
You're not in as much trouble as we thought.
- I'm not? - No.
Your teacher feels that you're goofing off because you're not being challenged.
So they want to move you to high school for science and math.
Really? He's gonna be in my grade? Just for two subjects He won't be in your classes.
- Are you OK with that? - I don't know.
Why should I care? Hey, that's the spirit.
So, Randy, this is a big decision.
I think you're gonna have to take some time and think about it.
You're right.
Let's do it! Randy, these kids are gonna be a lot bigger than you are.
Mom, the kids are always bigger than me.
You gotta love this guy's spirit.
Always a positive thinker.
- What's in your pocket? - Oh.
Actually that's a colon.
I think I'm in trouble, and I'm actually going to high school.
I'm gonna go tell Jeremy.
I guess it's settled.
I'm gonna call the school and see if I can catch Mr.
- If you find him, let him know that a - Yeah, I know.
The colon's in the mail.
- Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure, Dad.
If Randy makes this move to high school, I'd really like you to look out for him, make sure people don't push him around.
I'm sure Randy will do fine.
All right.
- Dad, I had a pretty cool day at school, too.
- Yeah, what happened? I went to classes, had a great lunch went to a few more classes and eventually I came home.
So all in all, we all had a great day.
Real great.
Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the Binford 6100 man's bedroom.
Yeah, this is no babe's boudoir.
No honey's hideaway.
No wench's way station.
Men, you've had lace in your face for far too long.
Now it's time to come home to chrome.
That's why we built the Man's Bedroom.
So he feels as comfortable here as he does in his neighborhood bar.
In fact, in the Man's Bedroom, we have the neighborhood bar.
- Well, Milton, how's business? - Slow.
- What will it be? - A perfect Manhattan for me and a Shirley Temple for Al.
While Milton's mixing up my highball, let's look at the carpet.
It's good for Saturday golf and Monday Night Football Milton, I'm open! Ooh.
Looks like it's gonna be my day.
All right, let's take a look at the nightstands.
On my side a mesquite barbeque grill.
On your side You have a phone, place for your beer and a virtual reality system.
This way, when your wife's reading about Fabio, you could be racing Indy with Mario.
In this case, guys, a fast finishing bed is not a bad thing.
And if you do make your wife happy, she's got the little red button.
Press this.
Thank you, honey.
I do what I can.
I'd like to show everyone my favorite part of the Man's Bedroom - the man's closet.
Most men don't like to take the time to coordinate their clothes.
But in the man's closet, all the work is done for you.
Shirts, ties and pants are on rotating drums.
You just push the button for the appropriate occasion.
I'm going to my mother-in-law's.
My wife nags me to look nice, so I push "nag one.
" - That's a very nice ensemble, Tim.
- Thank you, Al.
Now let's get to the problem of making that man's bed.
That's right.
After a man has slept in it, it might look something like this.
Now, who wants to waste time with hospital corners and fluffing up sheets? You just press the button and the man's bed becomes The man's pool table.
Of course we're gonna need some cues, Al.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey.
OK, Randy.
Let's hear it.
How was your first day at high school? Great.
Except for the guy who asked me if I wanted a phone book to sit on.
Did you tell the teacher? It was the teacher.
It's cool.
He doesn't mind if you call him Baldy.
We had a teacher we called Baldy.
She minded.
Well, I've finished my math and I'm done with my homework.
Already? Wow, you're doing really well.
- Uh, I'm done too.
- You too? Good for you.
I have a couple of smart guys here.
- I gotta go to the mall.
- Can I come with you? - Sure.
Do you want to come, Brad? - I can't.
I have to return a call to Angela.
We'll see you later.
- Hey, Wilson.
- Well, hi-ho, Tim.
- You going skiing? - Mm-hmm.
I don't know if I told you - I'm a biathlete.
Hey, whatever you do behind closed doors is your business.
Well, actually we do it outside.
Huh? You see, Tim, the biathlon is a combination of cross-country skiing and target shooting.
I would have invited you, but I figured you were busy.
- Oh, has it ever been a busy week.
- Mm.
Brad is becoming a really good student.
Randy's so exceptional, - he's moved up two classes.
- Whoa! And more importantly, I built a really cool man's bedroom.
- Hey, Wilson.
- Neighborette.
Tim, I just got a call from the school about Brad.
- Another A? - No.
He flunked his last two tests and he hasn't been doing his homework.
- He's been doing so well.
- You know what's going on, don't you? Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, no.
He can't concentrate 'cause the other kids are asking him about the Man's Bedroom.
Well, what's your theory? Brad's problems began when Randy started going to the same school.
I would concur with Jill's theory.
He's been working so hard, and then Randy just swoops in and outshines him.
It's awful.
Brad was starting to feel good about himself.
- I don't want him getting discouraged.
- What are we going to do? Well, maybe you can remind Brad of the famous Hindustan proverb: "True nobility lies not in being superior to another man, but in being superior to one's previous self.
" - Ooh, yeah! - That is so perfect.
Like it.
Where do you keep coming up with these things? Oh, neighbor, neighbor.
I've spent my life studying the wisdom of intelligent thinkers and philosophers.
However, this one I read in a fortune cookie.
- Well, thanks.
- See ya later.
Brad, we got a call from your school.
You did? They say you're not turning in your homework and your grades have slipped.
So, things are back to normal.
Up until last week, you were having the best year ever.
Does this have to do with Randy going to your school? No.
Does this have anything to do with the Man's Bedroom? Brad, there's got to be some reason that you stopped trying.
You were becoming such a good student.
- Randy's the good student.
- You're both good students.
He finishes his homework before I can put my name on mine.
This is not about who finishes first.
It's about getting the work done and absorbing what you've learned.
Yeah? Well, he's better at that, too.
Everything comes easier to him.
Honey, you shouldn't compare yourself to Randy or anybody else.
That's right.
Um This famous man Hindu Stan He never compared himself to his brother Hindu Bob.
Hindu Bob? Look Honey, you should take pride in how hard you've worked and how much you've improved.
School's hard for me, Mom.
I know.
Brad, your best quality has always been that you don't give up when things get difficult.
I remember when you were a baby, and you first started eating solid food, the spoon never got near your mouth, you had applesauce all over your hair.
Peas in your nose.
Which wasn't very attractive because you sneezed a lot then.
The important thing is you wouldn't let us help.
You did it till you could do it yourself.
Or when you started learning how to ride a bike.
Remember that bike I built you? We did the metal plate paint job on that.
It had a banana seat and it had a heated seat in that.
We had a coil run through that.
The point that your father will get to is that no matter how many times you fell, you wouldn't let us hold on to the bike - you were determined to do it.
I'm a genius.
I taught myself how to eat and ride a bike.
You also taught yourself how to get A's in school.
You were very proud of yourself about that.
Yeah, but I had to bust my butt.
When I was in school English was my worst subject - I thought it was history.
- History and English.
- What about Spanish? - Put an el corko in it, senrita, all right? The worst part of English to me was creative writing, where I had to express all these great ideas I had.
It was really hard to me, but I worked at it, and I got better grades and I felt great because of that.
Yeah, I gotta admit, getting those A's felt pretty good.
The greatest accomplishments in your life are gonna be the things that you really have to work hard for.
- I guess you're right.
- Of course she is.
Look at me.
I was finally able to express my ideas and one of them eventually became the Man's Bedroom.
Hey, Randy.
Could one of you pick me up after school tomorrow? Yeah.
High school or junior high school? Junior high school, but then you have to take me to the high school.
- Extracurricular activity? - Uh-huh.
You're getting detention in high school now? - It wasn't my fault.
- Well, who's fault was it? I was trying to concentrate on my work, and all these kids kept on bugging me about the Man's Bedroom.
- Really? - In your dreams, Pop.

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