Home Improvement s06e22 Episode Script

Family Un-Ties

# Wild thing, I think I love you # But I want to know for sure # So, come on and hold me tight # I love you # My, neighborette! You seem awfully tickled to be getting rid of that garbage.
No, no, no.
I'm just excited because I'm going to a hardware show.
Who are you and what have you done with Jill? No, no.
I love these hardware shows because when Tim goes and does the Tool Time remote - Hmm.
- I get to spend time with my boys.
Well, I remember spending quality time with my mother.
We'd bake cookies, then astral project ourselves to an alternate universe.
Well, we're just driving to Cleveland.
- Also fun.
- Yeah.
We've done these trips with the boys since they were little.
I remember this one trip.
We went to Chicago and Randy vomited all over the Sears Tower elevator.
Ah, memories.
I'm excited this time.
I'm taking them to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.
They will love that.
Boy, you are one happenin' mama! - Hey, I'm "a wild thing!" - "You make my heart sing!" # You make everything groovy # Hey, guys, I just put octane boost in the Nomad.
Which means the car might arrive in Cleveland before we do.
Tim, I've got that extra suitcase you wanted for the show.
- Outstanding.
- That is six suitcases you're taking.
Do you really need to bring home every single sample from the hardware show? Of course you do.
- Here we go, Tim.
- Thanks.
Oh, Jill, while you're at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, make sure and look at the exhibit on my old friends The Beatles.
Like you really knew the Beatles? - Mm-hmm.
- Big deal.
I knew Black & Decker.
- Was Paul really that cute in person? - Cuter.
You want to know cute? I'll introduce you to Sherwin Williams.
We need another cart for their luggage, alright? Well, boys, here we are in Cleveland.
- What do you want to do first? - I gotta go pee.
Me, too! I know you're excited, but we could've made one rest stop.
You know the rule, don't you? No rest stops unless we change time zones.
Ten minutes more into this, we would've changed more than time zones.
- Hey, Tool Man! Lou Michaels - Lou Michaels! - Precision Bathroom Fixtures.
- Good to see you.
This is Jill.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How you doing? - Fine, thanks.
- Here.
Have a sample toilet brush! "Always brush after every flush.
" It's inspirational, Lou.
I'd better check in.
It was nice to meet you, Lou.
You too, Jill.
Hey! This is my son Kevin, Tim.
- Good to meet you.
- Hi.
- There's my middle son, Randy.
- Hey! How are you? Nice to meet you.
What kind of computer you got? A notebook with a Power PC processor, - Your suite's all ready, Mrs.
- Oh, thanks.
Do you have brochures on things to do in Cleveland? I'm going to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.
You're in luck.
There's a fascinating exhibit called, - "The Changing Face of Rock and Roll.
" - What's that about? Michael Jackson? Mrs.
Taylor, we take our rock and roll very seriously here in Cleveland.
- I guess.
- Problem? - No.
Everything's fine.
What's that? - Toilet brush.
- No, that.
- Oh.
Sample pool skimmer.
We don't have a pool to skim.
I'm hoping it will work on your gravy.
Guys, I've got so many fun things planned today.
We got the zoo, and Jacobs Field, and the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, and And as punishment for that, The Doll House and Thimble Museum.
Mom, it's Saturday.
We want to sleep.
OK, look, ten more minutes and then I'm coming in with this bucket of ice.
Could you bring a couple sodas with that? - Hi.
- I need another suitcase.
You wouldn't believe what the concrete and brick guys are giving out this year.
Where's Brad? I thought he was coming with you after you set up the booth.
He's having fun, I told him he could have a couple more hours.
That's OK.
Just tell him to be back at You got it.
I only got two days with the boys, I was hoping to start early, But I can't get Randy and Mark out of bed.
I got a spare bug bomb.
Want to smoke 'em out of there? No.
But I would like you to try to get them out of bed a non-toxic way.
I'd like to, but I gotta get back to my fans.
I got pictures to take, autographs to sign.
You know, it's it's just not easy being me.
Try being married to you.
If only that were possible.
Here you go.
You know, if we did a swimsuit calendar, they'd want our autograph, too.
If you did a swimsuit calendar, we'd be kicked off the air.
Coming to you from the Cleveland Hardware Expo it's Tool Time! - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
There's nothing like the Cleveland Hardware Expo.
It's a it's a gala event that showcases the most innovative products in the marketplace today.
We're at the Precision Bathroom Fixtures booth, where they're showcasing an interesting new product.
It's actually a home urinal system, believe it or not.
It's called Potty Pal.
Right away I know the value of this.
Lou, tell the audience why they'd be interested in this.
Well, Tim, it only uses ten ounces of water per visit.
- Ten ounces? Well.
- Yes.
And it mounts flush with the wall.
And as you can see, it comes in a host of fine decorator colors.
Well, my favorites would have to be the Seafoam Green and the Biscuit.
And as you also can see, it opens up just like a mailbox.
You want to look out for that "return to sender" feature, though.
Hot things are happening here at the All Seasons Insulation booth.
They're offering an interesting product called cellulose blown insulation.
It's made entirely out of newspaper.
This is an environmentally sound way to keep your home comfortable.
Plus, if you're ever stuck inside your wall, you'll always have something to read.
You just pick it out and uh, over to you, Tim.
"Something to read!" We're at the Frankfort Fan Company located in Frankfort, Michigan.
There's nothing I like better than my fans.
Just like my fans, these fans come in a variety of sizes, shapes and colors.
From big, portable cooling units with six-horsepower motors, to a very innovative little combination light and fan.
Light up your workshop and get rid of toxic fumes at the same time.
So have that extra bowl of chili, guys.
It flips on just Whoa uh, look at that, a handy plug, too.
Plug her in Turn it off! Tim! Turn it off! Somebody turn off the power! Turn it off! Tim! Tim! Turn off the power! Off! Um I'm, I'm terribly sorry.
I'm terribly sorry.
What are you talking about? The Tool Man pulling a stunt like this in my booth is going to be great publicity! How do you think up these gags? Well, the trick is making it look like an accident.
So, Mrs.
Taylor, what sights have you seen so far? I wanted to go to Jacobs Field, but nobody else wanted to go.
So, let's see, I've seen the hotel vending machine.
Impressive, isn't it? The Cajun hot fries? My idea.
You're here! Mark and Randy will be down any minute.
- Where do you want to go for lunch? - I want to go back to the show.
But you can't be there and be with me.
- Which brings me to my next question.
- You don't want to be with me? No.
It's not that I don't want to be with you.
It's just I can't be with you and at the show at the same time, so see ya! Oh, good! Guys, it's only gonna be the three of us because Brad's not coming.
Uh, Mom? I got a favor to ask.
I ran into that kid, Kevin, the son of the toilet guy.
Does he want to go to lunch with us? That's OK.
He can come to the Hall of Fame, too.
Actually, he wants me to go hang out with him down at the Tower City Mall.
You'd be missing a chance to see rare memorabilia from rock and roll legends like Jimi Hendrix.
You love Hendrix.
Mom, I love his music, I don't need to see his lunch box.
I thought we were gonna spend some time together.
What are you saying? You want me to cancel? I want you to do what you want to.
I knew you'd understand.
So, I guess since neither of them want to spend the day with their mother, - you don't either.
- Well, it's not that I don't want to.
It's just how would it look? Fine.
Nobody has to spend the day with me.
I can entertain myself.
- Cool.
I'll be playing video games.
- What about lunch? I'll get some hot fries at the vending machine.
My idea.
We're here at Bombs Away Pest Control.
These guys will put those pesky bugs on a fumigation vacation.
Well, the buzzword this year is "sonar.
" It's a process that uses sound waves to get rid of unwanted pests.
- What time, need to talk.
- Bees, fleas Or this jar filled with nasty, biting mosquitoes.
Hold on.
Just a second.
Just a second.
- What is it? - Well, the boys abandoned me.
You interrupted to tell me that? Well, I didn't mean for you to stop.
I wanted to signal you so you could tell me when you had time to talk.
And that signal would be this? I'm sorry.
I was just upset about the boys not wanting to be with me Excuse us, please? Well, those kids can be so insensitive.
Gotta go.
So, you think this just isn't very important.
Yes, this is important.
Can we talk about this later? It's important to express feelings when they happen.
When doing TV, it's important to be on camera when you're taping.
I gotta go to work.
I don't even know why I try and talk to you.
- Honey, come on! Don't - Hey, Tim! Oh, you knocked over all the mosquitoes! This is a disaster! It's not a disaster.
I planned that.
It looked just like an accident, didn't it? Jill, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! You're upset the boys aren't with you.
They just want to do other things.
Don't take it out on me! - Mosquito! - All right, look Boys grow up, there's a point in life they don't want to hang around Mom.
I am not just their mom.
I am their friend.
I'm their confidant.
As a psychology student, you should understand this is normal.
What would you know about normal? I recognize it in other people.
What are you saying? I'm not supposed to have feelings? - Don't bring them to the hardware show! - OK, fine.
Fine! - You all don't want to be with me.
- Don't I'll see Cleveland on my own.
Give me the keys.
Where's the car? In the structure, three floors down.
Just follow the smell.
What what smell? I got some more samples.
The back seat's full of fertilizer.
I'll just take a cab.
Al! - What's on the slate now? - You're never gonna believe this.
But we're booked solid with Tool Time remotes.
Thanks to the publicity we gave the mosquito people, everybody wants us to destroy their booth! - Great hardware show this year.
- Great show.
We're shooting a segment with heavy machinery.
Want to go? - They got a forklift with a joystick - I met some guys at Electrical.
We wanted to check out hot tub models.
- I like the Spa Two Thousand.
- I like Brandy and Heather.
- When you're done, want to hang out? - No.
We want to cruise for a while.
You just met them.
What's more fun than hanging with Dad? - Dad, you're getting as bad as Mom.
- What is that supposed to mean? Mom wants me to hang with her this weekend, who hangs with their mom on vacation? Al.
This is an important weekend for her.
You're saying if I look at forklifts with you it's gonna make Mom happy? I don't care if you don't want to see forklifts.
I think you should try to be nicer to Mom.
All right.
I'll be nicer when I get home.
Tim! Guess what? The forklifts are right next to the plate glass window display.
Just think of the possibilities there.
You guys do this segment, I got an errand to do.
I'll be back in a bit.
Well, Al, feel like breaking some glass? It's just not the same without Tim.
The hotel offers a free buffet breakfast, workout facilities, sauna, hair salon and a premium vending machine now featuring Cajun hot fries.
My idea.
[TV o - Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you doing? - Fine.
I raided the mini-bar.
I'm now working on my single serving of pistachios, my individual wedge of Gouda, and my three-ounce can of cranapple cooler.
And all for only $88.
- Have you been here all afternoon? - No.
I've been all over town.
I went to the zoo, by myself, after having lunch, by myself.
And then, I went to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.
- By yourself.
- No.
With Roy Belasco.
- Who's Roy Belasco? - My cab driver.
Here's a picture of me and Roy, in front of Elvis's deep-fryer.
- I know how you're feeling.
- Oh, well There's no way for you to imagine it until you're standing this far from Bob Dylan's third-grade report card.
That's a "D" in Chorus, by the way.
I mean, I know how you're feeling about missing the boys.
You do? I asked Brad to go look at forklifts with me.
He didn't want to.
So, I know what you're going through here.
Have some honey-roasted peanuts.
Only $18.
It seems like just yesterday that all they wanted to do was be around us.
It's going way too fast.
You know, every year I fill the attic with boxes of clothes they've outgrown that I just can't bear to give away.
It just breaks my heart.
- Remember that cowboy outfit of Mark's? - Yeah.
I used to sneak into his room at night and pry it off him so I could wash it.
Do you remember those little racecar jammies of Randy's? Remember? I looked for one in my size.
I recently found Brad's Cub Scout uniform up there.
Did you know he got more merit badges than any of the other kids? Sure he did.
It didn't hurt that I was his pack leader.
You were great.
On those camping trips, that was one place your fire-starting skills came in handy.
There's something weird going on here.
You spend your whole life raising kids.
When they get to the age where they're cool to hang around, they ditch you.
Which is what we want.
Well, we want them to be more independent.
I mean, you're the one who said that it was natural for them - to pull away from us.
- No, no, no, no.
What I said was it's natural for them to pull away from you.
Now, we just gotta hope that they come back.
They'll come back for money.
I just don't want this to be like my relationship with my parents, you know? Because I've worked so hard to be close to them.
Oh, cut it out.
You're closer than any mom I know to your sons.
They talk to you.
Randy even talks about his girl problems with you, honey.
Yeah, he does.
He does that.
Brad even asks for my advice on clothes.
Mark hugs you.
- Aw, I guess they still like me some.
- Oh, sure they do.
You know, there's a there's a benefit to them not being around all the time.
What? I'll lock the door.
You bring my nuts.
Jill, I can't thank you enough for bringing back this photo from the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.
- Well, you're welcome.
- You know, I was the cute one.
What is this? We made you a gift because of how upset you were about the boys growing up.
And we felt bad about deserting you in Cleveland.
It's a quilt.
It's made out of the boys' old clothes.
You did this all by yourselves? Yes, you did! I got all the old clothes from the attic.
We took it to Al's and had a man's quilting bee.
He makes a delicious banana bread.
- Do you like it? - I love it.
It's amazing.
- I can't believe you did this.
- Look.
There's the cowboy outfit.
Oh, look.
It still has the hole in it where Randy shot him with the arrow.
- My Cub Scout uniform from 2nd grade.
- Oh, my God, yes! - And my racecar pajamas.
- Oh I don't recognize this piece here.
Those are the boxers I wore when I proposed to you.
You saved them all these years? Until last week I was still wearing 'em.
Maybe they just want to do other things.
- Don't take it out on me! - No, it's a mosquito! Must've been a big one.
Well, Al, feel like breaking some glass? It's just not the same without Tim.

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