Hot Streets (2016) s02e09 Episode Script

Hot Streets Disease

Listen up.
Tonight, we take down the Porcelini Man once and for all! As everyone knows, his magic door never appears in the same place twice.
This could be our only chance.
He has Agent Tall Otis! If we don't hurry, he's going to turn him into a Porcelini! Don't let your emotions interfere with the mission.
Just follow my orders to the letter.
Understood? Consider me a flesh-colored robot at your command.
Ugh Ugh.
[Pony neighs] Feeling queasy.
There goes the most dependable agent in Hot Streets history.
[music] Porcelinis as far as the eye can see.
Poor bastards.
Man: Branski, help! - Take him out! - I can't! Tall Otis is in my shot! Shoot the Porcelini Man! Now! Yes, sir! Ugh! Ugh.
[Pony whinnies] There's a pony? I'm seeing what you're seeing, and you're not seeing a damn pony.
Pull yourself together! Ugh.
Must be a hallucination.
Wait! Queasiness? Hallucinatory ponies? I know those symptoms.
- You got to pull him out! - Move in, Branski! [music] Blblblblb! Aye, you'll make a fine Porcelini, you will.
[Buzzer sounds, flames roaring] Finish the job! Whoa! The pony's ass is in my face.
Just shoot! Shoot anything! My Porcelini! French: Branski, you're sick! Retreat! No! Shoot! That's an order! Porcelini: [Laughs evilly] What's the matter, Hot Streets man? Can't finish me off? Looks like something's wrong with ya.
You're as pale as a Porcelini.
[Groaning] [Flatulence] [music] No.
[Porcelini laughing evilly] Tall Otis! I got to get back there! You're not going anywhere.
The symptoms are clear.
You have Hot Streets Disease.
You solve one more case, you'll die.
You're suspended due to your illness, effective immediately.
But the Porcelini Man is still at large! This is a Code 130, which goes above me.
I wish you could work the case hard, but according to our finest doctors, that's precisely the problem.
You've been following too many orders.
Branski, that's the cause of Hot Streets Disease following too many Hot Streets orders.
And the big-booty pony that farts rainbow dust? The pony is a hallucination, but it affects your brain in a very real way.
If you take one more pony fart to the face, it's curtains.
How sad for me.
Anyway, I have an idea about the Porcelini Man.
Ugh! [Pony neighs] [Sighs] What am I supposed to do now? I couldn't care less, as long as it's not Hot Streets.
Maybe these pills will help.
[Groans] [music] - That was his whole life.
- Whatever.
French, buckle up.
We're taking down the Porcelini Man, you and me.
Adventure awaits us.
So the Porcelini Man needs clay to make his Porcelinis.
- If we could find the source - Welcome to Fishy's.
My name is Branski.
I'll be taking care of you.
You already found a new job?! A new life.
Things are great here at Fishy's.
I don't miss Hot Streets at all.
- Not even a little bit? - No, not even a little bit.
Now, may I suggest the truffle-crusted trout? Two truff trouts and a Jet Fuel Shakey on the fly! Man: Coming right up, Marky! You still okay to lock up tonight, Mark? It would be my pleasure, boss.
Gosh darn it.
My son promised to do those dishes.
Can you talk to him, Mark? Things haven't been the same since his mom passed.
I miss her, too.
She lit up our lives like a brilliant firefly.
- You leave John to me.
- Thanks.
You're a true friend.
Hey, John.
What on Earth are you doing, inventing a new game? - You never heard of soccer? - Never.
I guess you and me come from different worlds.
[Whack! Whack!] Let me guess.
Soccer is when you kick the ball so hard, it makes a hole in the wall, then you jump through a hole.
You kick a ball into a goal.
That's how you win.
There's a more important game inside, you know.
A game called Your Pops Depends on You.
Aw, come on! I'm sick of working here.
Dad wants me to grow up and take over the family business, but I don't want to fry fish! What do you want to do, little man? I want to be Hot Streets like you.
I see those agents across the street, and it just makes me want to be out there where the action is! How about this? I'll make you an honorary Hot Streets agent.
- Hey, really? - I already have your first assignment.
Agent John, I order you to solve the case of the dirty dishes.
Nice one, old man.
I've formulated the perfect plan for us to stop the Porcelini Man.
Stage one turning you into a genie.
Isn't turning people into genies bad for the environment? Quiet! [Chanting in foreign dialect] It worked! I'm a genie now? Yes.
My genie.
And I get three wishes.
[Groans] I wish I knew what Branski was up to right now.
[Buoy bell clanging] You know something, Branski? You remind me of the me I want to be when I grow up.
My wish was granted? I know what Branski's up to.
- He's fishing! - Let's get out of here, French.
What's happening here is none of our business.
Hey, look! It's that weird guy I see out here all the time.
I call him Clay Man.
He's not a Clay Man.
He's a Ow! [Pony neighs] Hot Streets! Ah! Agent John, you ready for another Hot Streets case? Shoot the Clay Man! Hey, weird old dude! Freeze! Gah! Oh, yeah.
I hit him.
You all right? I can't solve Hot Streets cases, but you can.
- What do you mean? - Okay, I'm gonna level with you.
I have Hot Streets Disease.
If I work this case, a pony will fart in my face, killing me.
- But if I work the case, you're fine? - Just follow the blood trail.
On to the stage two of my plan.
How is me doing the nasty with Bigfoot going to help us fight the Porcelini Man? Ah-ah-ah.
Jet Junior says.
Does anybody have a condom? If you need a quality product, look no further than Jet Junior's Jumbo Johnnies.
The whole package is yours for $5.
Why don't I ever carry cash on me?! Branski: Blindfold was a great idea.
Protects me from knowing too much.
John: Caught him just in time! The magic door is still open! Ugh! Whoa.
Easy with the details.
Jet: And now for stage three.
[Electricity crackling] Aaaaaah! It worked.
I feel like we're getting close.
Now I'm a ghost?! How in the heck will this help us catch the Porcelini Man? Excuse me?! Are you questioning my orders?! Yes! You made me a genie.
You forced me to [bleep] Bigfoot bareback.
And now I'm dead?! I can't take it anymore! I don't get it.
What am I doing wrong? Your orders are a little much.
Please explain.
It's an order.
You have one order.
Shoot him when you see him.
No hesitation.
Tug the rope twice if you're in trouble.
Be back in a minute.
[Whooshing] John! John! What have I done? [Pony whinnies] So you want to fart me goodbye? Ugh! You'll have to catch me first! Hang in there, John! [Evil laughter] You Porcelini'd a whole damn circus?! Aah! [Grunts] [rumbling] Ugh! [Pony neighs] [music] [Groaning] What is this place anyway? I'm glad you asked, me boy.
When I was your age, my parents wouldn't let me go to art school, so they became my first Porcelinis.
My pieces are so finely crafted that they attracted the Porcelini masters, mysterious phantasms as old as time itself.
They gave me this.
It's the key to this other world, a place where I could create freely.
Ultimately, the masters became part of my work, just like you will.
Just look at it.
Ain't she the most beautiful Porcelini you've ever seeny? It's okay, I guess.
[music] Aah! [Spits] [Buzzer sounds] Phew.
That was just a horse-ilini.
Look at all this garbage.
[Whirring] Oh, shit.
I know this thing.
But how does it work?! So-car is when you kick the ball so hard, it makes a hole in the wall, then you jump through hole.
[Buzzer blaring] [Dryer whirring] No! [Device beeping] Jet: Branski, I've been talking to French.
Apparently, I've been giving some really bad orders lately.
Can't talk.
About to kill the Porcelini Man.
What? Do not, under any circumstances, kill that Porcelini Man! That's an order! This isn't about orders or Hot Streets anymore.
It's about helping a friend.
Branski! Branski! Wait! You know, I have a Porcelini of my own the Virgin Mary that graces my front lawn.
- Hmm? - You won't see her where you're going.
[Flatulence] [Wheezing] [music] Hey, Branski! Wake up! We did it! We solved the case! Branski? [Gasps] Hey, everyone! He's okay! - Yay! - All right! - The love of a child saved my life.
- Not so fast.
You were cured by disobeying my order, stage four of my plan.
You see, I told you not to investigate the Porcelini Man, knowing you would anyway, thereby reversing Hot Streets Disease entirely.
Ultimately, I'm the hero here, and now that there's a cure, I'm going to give you more orders than ever before! All right.
Fish fingers all around for the heroes.
Then I was a genie, and I saw you fishing.
I saw you, too.
I was just focused on fishing.
Then I was a ghost.
Actually, I learned a lot by focusing on the little things.
I realized there's a lot of good people out there who depend on us.
Hot Streets isn't just solving case after case.
It's about helping friend after friend.
John, your mother would be proud of you.
If you don't want to take over Fishy's, I get it.
You should follow your dreams and go be Hot Streets.
Thanks, Dad, but actually, I've been thinking of a new career path.
- Really, now? - Yeah.
Let's just say [Evilly] I caught the bug for sculpture! Tall Otis, arrest this boy for being the copycat killer, Porcelini Man Two.
[John cackles evilly] Damn it! My son, the Porcelini Man Two.
Shameful, Tony.
Simply shameful.
Wet: Hot Streets, this is Professor Wet! I'm broadcasting from the past.
You're all in grave danger!