Hotel Transylvania: The Series (2017) s01e12 Episode Script

1 [GHOSTLY VOCALIZING.]
[MUSIC.]
[RAP BEAT PLAYING.]
[HARD ROCK PLAYING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[BATS SQUEAKING.]
[CHEERING AND SYNTH-POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV.]
[SNARLING.]
They're here.
They're here! They're finally here! [GASPS.]
Four tickets to Jett Black at the Roachella Batcave.
This is going to rock.
Hey! Too bad you can't go.
You think I can do everything around here myself? Look at how busy we are! [VOICE ECHOING.]
[CRICKET CHIRPING.]
Ooh, sorry.
Hot tub gave me a rash.
[CHIRPING.]
- Actually, looks sort of slow to me.
- Slow?! The zombies are due for rot-proofing, the Cerberus is about to have puppies, and Quasimodo's staff is home sick with being dead! But But I have to go.
Jett is debuting "Slug Guts," the song I wrote.
Ugh! Pop music is atrocious.
It ages me something awful.
- You will not attend that show.
- Ugh! [SLURPING.]
Aunt Lydia is so out of touch.
Talk about a drama queen.
I wish there was a way to make her feel young again.
Then, I bet she'd love Jett as much as I do.
[LOUD CRASH.]
Huh? What's that? Mavis, my little poison spider egg, how are you? Same, same.
Aunt Lydia's ruining my afterlife.
What's this? Oh, I'm getting the zombie sprayer set up.
Just in time, too.
Anti-rot serum.
Slows decomposition by reversing the aging process.
Fun fact: also great on rotten egg salad.
Hold up.
That stuff reverses aging? Well, since zombies are already dead it only stops them from falling apart.
But, theoretically, if you sprayed a monster, it would roll back the old-ometer a few klicks.
You don't say.
Well, good luck spraying, Uncle Gene.
See you.
But stuff's only been tested on zombies, and I don't think even they know the long-term effects.
[LAUGHS.]
Mavis, I really don't know if this is a good idea.
Uh, what? It's the best idea.
Lydia's new perfume will make her feel younger, she'll understand our situation, and boom drac-a-lacka, Jett Black, here we come.
Do we even know what this stuff smells like? Yup.
Like dead rat.
I put one in there to spice it up.
Her favorite.
Mmm.
Aunt Lydia.
Hi.
Uh [GROWLS.]
We just wanted to give you this token of appreciation.
I knew you were desperate to see your disgusting show, but I did not expect you would stoop to bribery.
[SNIFFS.]
However, I cannot resist Eau D'Rat.
I'm undead, not dead.
And now, we wait.
[TICKING.]
[ALL SNORING.]
Wake up! [ALL EXCLAIMING.]
Well, that was fast.
- Actually, it's been 15 hours.
- Fifteen hours?! - Holy rabies.
- You guys, she used the whole thing.
Uh, Aunt Lydia? You okay in there? What's up? [ALL SCREAMING.]
What's their dealio? [EXHALES.]
Oh.
Coffin breath.
I thought that stuff would just make her feel younger, not turn her into a teenager.
She's gonna kill us.
She is totally gonna kill us.
AUNT LYDIA: You're all going to die! When you see my killer breakfast outfit.
[ALL EXCLAIM.]
Holy rabies.
[CHUCKLES.]
Old Lydia would never let us do anything like this.
- [SLURPS.]
What? - Uh, I mean [STUTTERS.]
Lame Lydia.
I [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Uh, say, Aunt Lydia, seeing as you're in such a youthful mood, can we have our tickets back, pretty please, so we can go see Jett Black tonight at Roachella? Uh, I'm not sure.
I can't think when I'm not throwing stuff into an abyss.
[GASPS.]
To the secret bottomless pit! ALL: Secret bottomless pit? [SCREAMING.]
- Dude, isn't that your bed? - Was.
That'll teach you to give me a restful night's sleep.
Bye-bye now.
So, Aunt Lydia, have you had a chance to think about us going to see Jett Black and Wait.
I just thought of something else to chuck in.
Be right bat! Mavis, I can't believe how great this worked out.
Actually, I'm starting to think - it's working out a little too well.
- You think? With nobody in charge, the hotel will fall apart.
Ah, you worry too much.
She's got things under control, right, Mavis? [GASPS.]
Lydia, stop! That's Vlad the Annoyer's Scream Stone.
- It's been in the family since forever.
- Pfft! Are you serious? Let's go find some real trouble to get into.
I wonder why they call this the Scream Stone anyway.
[SCREAMING.]
Ugh! Seriously? [CRAZY GIGGLING.]
[GROANING.]
Lydia? Guys? Where did they goof off to? Does anyone work here anymore? Pedro.
Quasi? What happened to your hand? I was rushing, trying to catch up on all my kitchen prep.
And you chopped your hand off? I'm so sorry.
What? No, I got a paper cut from the recipe book.
[SOBBING.]
- You don't care.
- A paper cut? Back to work! All of you, back to work! If you've got an arm, you can carry a bag.
It's like nobody can figure anything out for themselves around here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where do you think you're going? Whoo-hoo! Jett Black, remember? What?! But those are my tickets! You'll cover for us, right? Great.
Don't wait up.
[YELLING.]
How can she be so irresponsible? Do you all think I can do everything around here myself? Look at how Oh, my goblin, I'm Aunt Lydia.
I just really wanted to see Jett do my song, but with Aunt Lydia goofing off, - everything here is falling apart.
- Oh, you're telling me.
You don't have some kind of serum that, like, speeds up aging, do you? [LAUGHS.]
A serum to speed up aging? This isn't some kooky TV show where there's a convenient solution for everything.
Nope, the only thing I've ever heard like that is pop music.
- Did you say pop music? - Pop music.
Oh, sure.
Rare allergy in certain vampires.
- Ages Lydia horribly.
- You're serious? I thought she was just being a drama queen.
[SQUEALS.]
That's it! Thanks, Uncle Gene.
You're an afterlife saver.
Looks like I'm going to Roachella after all.
Of course, too much and she'll turn to dust.
Happened to Cousin Camilla at a Mozart concert back in 1783.
Oh-ho! That dude rocked hard.
PEDRO: Oh, yeah! This is gonna be awesome! WENDY: Yeah, too bad Mavis couldn't make it, though.
- Ta-da! - Ah! - Made it.
- Mavis? Wait, where's the Hankster? He was right here behind us in line.
Oh, uh, he decided to hang out with a friend instead.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
[SCREAMS.]
[CHITTERING.]
ALL: [CHANTING.]
Jett Black! Jett Black! Jett Black! Jett Black! Jett Black! [BATS SQUEAKING.]
AUNT LYDIA: Oh, my goblin.
Look who finally learned the value of skipping work.
- So you're not mad? - Pfft! I don't care.
Maybe if I was some old lady I would care.
[SIGHS.]
Well, we can ask her soon enough.
JETT BLACK: Roachella and Jett Black are proud to introduce Me! [SYNTH-POP MUSIC PLAYING.]
One, two, three, four! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
Slug guts in my hair Ow! What's going on? What's going on, Teen Lydia, is that you're about to become Aunt Lydia again.
And better yet, it's gonna happen thanks to my song.
Slug guts everywhere [SCREAMING.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's happening to her? Turns out she really is allergic to pop music.
Don't worry.
It's just aging her back to normal.
Then she'll book it out of here, and we can enjoy the show in peace.
- Um, speaking of booking it - Make it stop! And I don't really care Holy rabies.
She's aging too far! JETT BLACK: Whoo! Yeah, that's right.
Hey! No, don't! [FEEDBACK SQUEALING.]
[CROWD BOOING.]
So, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry.
But this is kind of an emergency.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh! That's better.
- What happened to my body?! - Phew.
I Mavis, you've totally ruined my comeback show.
[ALL BOOING.]
Good times.
Um, hey.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Song sounded great.
I just want you to know that whenever I think back on the worst concert of my afterlife, I'll remember this face.
Did you hear that? Jett Black says he'll always remember you! Okay, here goes nothing.
[GASPS.]
Aunt Lydia, I'm so glad you're okay.
Why are you trying to upper five me - when there is work to be done? - I know, and I'm sorry.
I realize now that managing this place isn't a one-monster job.
That is a very grown-up lesson to have learned, Mavis.
- So I'm not being punished? - Of course you are.
The Scream Stone needs to be polished.
Oh, no.
[STILL SCREAMING.]
[BATS SQUEAKING.]
[MUSIC.]
[WAILING.]
Ooh, ooh, let me guess.
The Cerberus beat him to the Mice Crispy squares again? [SLURPS.]
[BELCHING.]
Uh, yes, but that's not it.
Pedro found out his mom's finally coming to visit.
[SQUEALS.]
A mummy mommy is so much fun! No, it isn't! Because of my brother Rusty.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
PEDRO: He's a superstar.
[MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
My mommy Yes, I still call her mommy.
Let's not rehash that.
is always bragging about how great Rusty is.
How responsible Rusty is.
How "rusty" Rusty is.
So I got jealous and kind of maybe told her I sort of run the hotel? ALL: What? So you lied to your mummy mommy? Now she's popping by on her way to Spookarest, and she's going to find out my only job is to flip a dumb switch that doesn't do anything.
You see? [SIGHS.]
She's gonna think I'm such a disappointment.
Pedro, we've got this.
All we have to do is let you run the hotel while your mommy is here, and she'll think you're a superstar, too.
- You'd do that for me? - Of course.
I know a thing or two about having to live up to a parent's high expectations.
Stop looking at me like that! Yeah, being the spare parts son of Frankenstein is no bed of nails either.
I'm in, too.
I'm unconditionally loved.
Mmm, direct deposit.
Okay, listen up.
As long as Pedro's mom is here, he's in charge.
You take orders from no one but Pedro, got it? What about the real boss of Hotel Transylvania? Luckily, she just got Cornelius Shivers' new romance novel.
She'll be lost to it for hours.
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[MUSIC.]
Pedro, my dear, your mommy is here.
- Mommy! Mommy! Welcome to the hotel! - Pedro.
Oh, right.
I mean my hotel.
Hmm.
Rusty can't believe Dracula would leave you in charge of Hotel Transylvania.
- Rusty thinks you're full of boo-loney.
- Rusty! [FLY BUZZING.]
Now, I don't know who to believe, so I came to see for myself.
Um, Pedro, maybe your mother would like a hot drink.
Well, I could use something scalding to burn the skin off the roof of my mouth.
It's a new thing I'm trying.
- Mavis, my mother's drink.
- Yes, boss.
[SLURPS.]
Hmm, they're listening to you.
Maybe you really are in charge of the hotel.
Yeah.
I totally am.
[STUTTERS.]
Check this.
Hey, you, stop loafing around and, uh - Clean the invisible sofa! - Uh, yes, sir.
[SQUEAKING.]
Hey, don't just pretend to clean it, dude.
Actually clean it.
[GRUNTS.]
[RAPID SQUEAKING.]
Watch this, Mommy.
Zombies, make a pyramid.
[GRUNTS.]
Ha! Now that would be impressive, but Rusty did the same thing once with monster trucks, only upside down.
That didn't end so well.
Okay, Pedro, maybe it's time to say bye to your mom and see her off to Spookarest.
You know, before Aunt Lydia finds out.
No way.
I got to top Rusty! Whoa! [GROANS.]
Ah! I can't believe Pedro made me braid Bigfoot's toe hair.
- I don't even work here! - Uh, do you want to trade? AUNT LYDIA: What is going on here? [SCREAMS.]
Am I standing in slug guts?! [CLUCKING.]
You sure are.
My son's idea.
He thought they'd attract better quality zombies.
[CROAKING.]
And just who is your son? The one and only Pedro Moomay, of course.
He's in charge.
Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, really? - Oh, skull snaps.
Son, you need to send her to the dungeon for glaring at you like that.
Rusty would.
Uh, no problemo.
- Don't do it.
- Ixnay.
Whoa! - Oh, no! - You will, uh, do as I say.
[WHISPERS.]
Wink, wink.
Do you have something in your eye, child? Has it infected your brain?! [CLEARS THROAT.]
I order you to the dungeon! [SOFTLY.]
If you don't mind, pretty please.
You order me? No, no, I ordered you, "wink, wink.
" Oh Mommy! [CLUCKING.]
- Did you just freeze Aunt Lydia? - Uh Wow.
Rusty never did anything like that before.
He didn't? I mean, oh, no, he didn't! All hail King Pedro.
King Pedro! Whee! [YAWNS.]
Pedro, this needs to stop.
Hey, he called me King Pedro.
And this was your idea.
Oh, come on.
Aunt Lydia is gonna wake up, and when she does you need to be far, far away.
- Like Jupiter far.
- Not sure that's gonna be enough.
Oh, Pedro, my baby, I am so proud of you.
I'm not going anywhere.
Did you hear that? I'm finally the number one son.
How you like them crabapples, Rusty? [BLOWS WHISTLE WEAKLY.]
Ugh! Just do this one last thing, and I promise I'll end it.
Ugh! Fine.
As you wish, "King Pedro.
" One last thing.
But don't make things worse.
Don't worry, I'll keep things on the down-low, trust me.
[TICKING.]
[FANFARE PLAYING.]
[SLURPING.]
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[BELCHES.]
Ah.
So cute.
Uh, why are we still going along with this? You going to argue with them? [YAWNS.]
Being in charge is so exhausting.
Mmm-hmm.
That's right.
Only the best fruit mold for my handsome boy.
Ew! This mold has fruit on it! How dare you? To the dungeon with you! Ooh, look at my little bandage boss wield power in such a reckless way.
Oh, come on, Pedro, it was just an accident.
Let him go.
He locked you in the dungeon? He sent all of us down here for not following orders.
I'm in for not kneeling fast enough.
Okay, you guys, sit tight.
I'll get Pedro to end this.
Uh, could you hurry? I don't think these dungeons have bathrooms.
Pedro, you have to come clean to your mom now.
If you don't, I will.
You can't do that.
It's against the code.
Never rat a friend out to their parents.
What about the code of not putting your friends in a dungeon? Doesn't ring a bell.
Besides, why would I want to change anything? My mommy thinks I'm a success, and everything's coming up Pedro.
[LOUD CRASH.]
Mmm-mmm, what's with all this racket? Pedro, make it stop.
I'm on it, Mommy.
Noise, you're fired.
The noise isn't listening to you.
The hotel is falling apart under your rule, King Pedro.
What? It can't fall apart.
I just got it.
Mavis, you got to do something.
[SNIFFS.]
And why do I smell Mice Crispies? Now I'm hungry.
This is the worst! Mice Crispies? But the Cerberus ate all those.
[GASPS.]
Be right bat.
Ooh, try to bring me back some, if you can.
[BELCHING.]
[GROANING.]
Whoa.
The build-up of methane gas from your burps is at an all-time high.
It's got to be released before the pressure destroys the hotel.
But the vent is closed.
[SCREAMS.]
Whose job is it to open it? [COUGHS.]
Oh, wait a sec.
That wire must open the vent.
[GASPS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Pedro, the switch! It actually does something.
We need to flip it to release Cerberus' gas.
And it only works with your bandage print.
[SCREAMS.]
[MUSIC.]
Ah! We're stuck in slug guts.
- What do we do? - Hmm.
[GASPS.]
- A-ha! - Huh? - Time for you to be the hero.
- Hey! Oh, I got this.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
- We did it! - What's going on here, Pedro? [SIGHS.]
Mommy, I'm not in charge of the hotel.
I'm never going to be a big shot like Rusty.
[BLOWING WHISTLE.]
I'm sorry I lied.
I just wanted you to be proud of me.
But I am proud of you.
You saved the hotel from being destroyed.
Uh, well, it was my idea to use the bandage as a lasso and Not now, Mavis.
You're right! I'm a hero.
I saved the hotel.
I save it every day! Now you're getting a little carried away again.
- All hail King Pedro! - That's my baby.
[AIR WHOOSHING.]
Uh-oh.
[GROWLING.]
Hey, what about the friend code of sticking together no matter what? MAVIS: Sorry, not this time.
Good luck, King Pedro.
MOTHER: I'll miss you, baby boy.
[GULPS AND CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
[VOCALIZING.]