Hotel Transylvania: The Series (2017) s01e13 Episode Script

The Legend of Pumpkin Guts

Which is really morning for me.
It's confusing, I know.
The following is based upon the very true events of one terrible night.
Which, again, is our morning.
A story of darkness and despair, horror and depravity, and candy.
So much candy.
Yo, Drac.
You ready for needlepoint class or what? Oh, come on, Frank.
I was sounding so cool and spooky! Right! Sorry, sorry.
And now, the despicable tale of Pumpkin Guts.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY] - Seriously, who are you talking to? - Forget it! That's it! Start the show already! [THUNDER RUMBLING] [MUSIC] [GROWLING] [ROARING] [ALL SCREAMING] [GROANING] [ALL SCREAMING] Even on this most terrible night of nights, we shall maintain proper decorum.
[SCREAMING STOPS] All panic is to be performed in an orderly fashion! [SILENCE] DRACULA: My dearest Mavis, just checking in and stuff to, you know, remind you to stay inside on this, the most dangerous night of the year! You wouldn't want to be cooked and eaten by a human.
So you must never go out! Ever! Ever! Did I say "ever?" - Three times.
- Good.
Now stay in your room, hunker down, and cling to the hope that daybreak will come.
Love you.
[GROANING] I love you, Dad, but sometimes you take this lockdown a bit too far.
[STRUGGLING] Case in point.
Young lady, you know you are to remain in your room.
Absolutely no monsters are allowed out on this BOTH: The most dangerous night of the year.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Madam Lydia, the fruit is still [SNIFFING] Disgustingly fresh.
We will have no zombie provisions for the coming Hallow - We do not say the H word.
- I'm not 45, you know.
You can at least say Halloween around me.
[SCREAMING] [SIGHING] Now look what you've done.
You know very well what happens when you say that.
Of course I know.
I'm only reminded every year! But what could possibly be so scary that we go on lock down 'til sunrise? Please, Aunt Lydia! Child, some things are better left unknown.
Like this thing on Quasimodo's nose.
Is it a pus sac, a blister bubble, a pregnant bed bug? Who knows? - Life is full of mysteries.
- [GROWLING] Not anymore it's not.
This is the year I discover the truth! [SPLASHING] Ugh! [SPITTING] Ugh! Not what I meant, ew, ew, ew, ew! Saperlipopette! [THUNDER CRASHING] Thank you all for coming.
Ah, we're trapped in a boarded up fortress.
Where are we going to go? Plus you lied and said there would be snacks! Obviously it's for something important.
- More important than snacks? - Hal-lo-ween.
[SCREAMING] [CRASHING] [WHIMPERING] Tonight we break free and learn the real story behind Halloween.
But we already know the story.
Monsters cower under the sheets while humans do horrifying things.
All right, so just to be totally clear There are, like, no snacks? Aren't you guys tired of being locked down - without being told why? - Yeah.
- Yes.
- Not at all.
We've been kept in the dark long enough.
- Are we going to take it anymore? - No.
- No! - Absolutely! MAVIS: I've spent the last six Halloweens plotting our escape.
In exactly four minutes Aunt Lydia will finish sealing off the hotel.
Of course, there's still the matter of getting out unseen.
And you've tried, like, a million ways out before.
But we forgot about a million and one.
No, no, no, no, no.
[ALL SCREAMING] [MUSIC] [GROWLING] Oh, no! We're not going to make it! Oh, I am! [ALL CHEERING] [SCREAMING] [THUDDING] Huh? Good thing I always carry a spare.
[ALL LAUGHING] Ring-ring! C'mon, answer me already.
[PHONE RINGING] The Vampire Council's emergency-only phone.
So either the prophecy has come true or It is my annoying brother.
[CONTINUES RINGING] Ring! Ring! - Lydia! - [SIGHING] Let me guess.
You want me to check on your "little Mavy Wavy.
" No, I want you to check on my little Okay, I see what you did there.
Now go check on her! Yes, yes, I can assure you that she has been tucked away in her room.
You see [SHUSHING] - Mavis! - Mavis? is fast asleep so we should tip-toe out of here.
Don't want to wake little Wavy Mavy.
- It's Mavy Wav - Okay, buh-bye.
[GROWLING] And now to find that little brat of a bat! [LAUGHING] Uh, Mavis, why are we creeping towards the human house? Every year we're told horror stories about what the humans are up to on Halloween.
- But what do we really know? - WENDY: Nothing! - Are they having a party? - MAVIS: Holy rabies! Those monsters are walking right up to her door! [DOORBELL RINGING] Oh, she's going to liquefy their organs and make a monster smoothie! At least she's being health conscious.
- Trick or treat! - Happy Halloween! [STAMMERS] D-D-Did you just see that? I saw it, but I don't believe it.
I thought humans devour monsters on Halloween.
Me too [ALL GASPING] So they're humans pretending to be monsters? But why? - Mavis, no! - What're you doing? Was nice knowing ya! Now, what did those kids say? [DOORBELL RINGS] - Uh Stick of meat! - You! [SCREAMING] are the most darling little vampire.
Such disgusting creatures.
Happy Halloween! Oh, and here, take a free copy of my bestseller, "Monsters are Not Your Friends"! ALL: Candy.
Halloween isn't to be feared.
It's the greatest night of the year! [ALL CHEERING] Mavis has escaped.
We shall hunt her down and return her here before breakfast.
Whether she is breakfast or not remains to be seen.
- Ready?! - Yes! [TIRES SCREECHING] [CRASHING] Whoopsie-doodle! Okay, here we go! [ALL MUNCHING] Wow.
So Halloween isn't about death and destruction after all? It's about humans faking being monsters and giving each other candy.
[MUNCHING] Why would they keep that from us? Because they are old, mean, candy-hating hogs.
Hmm but, if we're already monsters Then we can blend right in! We look like human kids in costumes.
We can roam around and be free! ALL: Oh! [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] [ALL CHEERING] [WHOOPING] [ALL LAUGHING] [CRASHING] [LAUGHING AND CHEERING] [LAUGHING AND CHEERING] [LAUGHING] Alerts are going off like never before, sir.
It can only mean one thing.
Two-for-one rotten fish tacos in the cafeteria? COUNCIL BAT: That's the green light.
Orange is Monster kids are out trick-or-treating! And then you know who will appear [MUFFLED SPEAKING] Please, sir.
Don't say it.
Look how close that is to the Hotel.
To my Mavis! - I must deal with this myself.
- What? But sir, you are the Grand Vamp! You cannot leave the council for the entirety of your term! Under any circumstance! Oh, ha, you're right.
Of course.
Hey, what's that over there? Oh, do you mean the painting? It's called Humans Playing Poker.
I don't get it either.
- Sir? Are you okay? - Bleh, bleh, bleh.
[LAUGHING] That's you all right.
[ALL MUNCHING] - Mmm, so good.
- Shh, can't talk.
[GULPING] I cannot believe we've been lied to all these years! Halloween is amazing! Look at us, we're out in the human world with real humans and we don't have to hide at all! - [GULPING] Plus, candy.
- What he said.
[MUNCHING] You know, I have always found humans to be disgusting, smelly creatures, but I got to say, their candy is next level stuff.
The human village! Ugh.
This humidity is terrible for my hair! Now to find those trick-or-treating monsters before it's too late! But who is real and who is a fake? [ALL MUNCHING] What? [GRUNTS] No, it can't be! So, do you think maybe we should get back to the hotel? [GULPING] I mean, what if we're discovered? Look around, Wendy, we can't get caught.
We look just like everybody else.
Heh! Look at that guy.
He looks just like Uncle Drac.
- Mavis?! - [GULPING] Dad? Okay.
We're just going to go over here and do stuff that's not this.
- Hi! Hi, it's so great to see - What are you doing?! There is literally only one rule on Halloween Do not go out! Don't you know how dangerous it is?! Well, then how come you're out? You're the Grand Vamp.
I thought you're never allowed to leave.
Oh, I'm only out to save the disobedient trick-or-treating monsters.
Who I now know is you! What if you were caught?! Dad, how are we going to get caught when every monster is forcing their kids on lockdown and into hiding? Not every monster.
UNCLE GENE: If we get pulled over, you don't know anything about the dinosaur eggs in the trunk.
- What dinosaur eggs in the trunk? - Exactly! Kids, this is a critical moment in your little monster lives.
In afterlife we must make sacrifices.
So, who is it going to be? - Huh? - You two.
Yeah, that did not work out the way it was supposed to.
You'll be remembered as heroes.
[GRUNTS] Bad luck, kids! [BOTH SCREAMING] Feel the wind in your Oof! [BOTH SCREAMING] Over here, Frank! [HONKING] - Hi, honey! - I called your parents, Hankie.
This is no place for a kid! Thanks, Drac! [SCREAMING AND GRUNTING] [ALL SCREAMING] [TIRES SCREECHING] [BOTH SCREAMING] [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Would you believe we were abducted by aliens? Aliens, yeah, tiny little blue guys.
White hats.
All with the same last name.
[GROWLING] Phew, that was close.
But we must still hide.
Danger lurks.
Dad, please! What is so scary about Halloween? 'Cause so far it's been amazing! What's the big deal? Pumpkin Guts.
Pumpkin Guts? Shh.
I'm about to get all nostalgic and flashback-y.
The legend of Pumpkin Guts, the ancient beast who lays waste to any monster that dares to participate in the human ritual of trick-or-treating.
But then one little monster got curious and disobeyed the rules! And now he's risen again thanks to my own daughter! - So, w-w-what does it look like? - Pumpkins.
All the pumpkins come to life.
I can't even Hold up.
So you're saying pumpkins come to life? [LAUGHS] Who in the underworld is going to be afraid of a pumpkin? [RUMBLING] [BOTH GASPING] [ROARING] [SCREAMING] I take it back! [ROARING] DRACULA: Stay close, Mavis! [BOTH PANTING] Whoa, I'm sorry, Dad.
I never should have snuck out.
What was I thinking? You were right! - You were so right! - There, there, honey guts.
- Yes! - I'd better get back home.
And you should get back to the council before they know you're gone.
[SIGHING] I wish I could.
But I can't.
I have unfinished business.
- Pumpkin business.
- What? No, Dad! I must.
After all, this is kind of, sort of, maybe my fault.
Your fault? I-I-I thought it was mine.
Well I might've left out one tiny detail in the story.
MAVIS: You were the monster who disobeyed the rules? But what does Pumpkin Guts want? [SCREAMING] [MUNCHING] DRACULA: A world where every monster is like him, with a pumpkin face! Ever since, he's turned each trick-or-treating monster into a jack-o'-lantern victim.
Then, the humans thought it looked all spooky and stuff and kind of ran with it.
[GULPING] That is terrible.
I understand your curiosity, Mavis.
I was curious once too.
- But I must face him now.
- Not alone you won't.
Oh, how I wish I could cover you head-to-toe in bubble wrap and keep you in a pocket.
Dad, I helped bring him into this underworld, and I'm going to help send him back out! Oh! My brave little bat! Okay, we'll do it together.
We must stop him before he gets there.
Holy rabies! The Hotel! [ROARING] They'll all be turned into jack-o'-lanterns! [GASPING] Wait, does this mean I get to put on a battle cloak? Oh, you kids and the wardrobe changes.
- Does it? - Yes.
Boom drac-a-lacka! Let's fly.
You two may think you know the meaning of suffering, but I assure you, if you are wrong, you will suffer the fate known as the human bubble bath! [GASPING] I've heard the water isn't even scalding! And the bubbles, they smell like peaches and kumquats! Who would invent such torture? - Oh, hi, Mavis! - Is that That way! [TIRES SCREECHING] [ALL SCREAMING] DRACULA: Hey, over here! [ROARING] MAVIS: Yikes! [ROARING] MAVIS: [GROANS] I'm hit! Whoa! [GRUNTS] Mavis! [SOBBING] I knew it was too dangerous! Dad Dad! Look out! [BOTH GRUNTING] [BOTH GRUNTING] - What now? - Um Ah-ha! [GRUNTING] Look, look! He wants the candy! Okay, Mavy, give it all you got! Uh, that was all I've got.
I mean it was pretty delicious.
[ROARING] [GASPING] Wait! Of course! I know where we can get some more candy! [SKULLS LAUGHING] Come on, this way! [ROARING] [BOTH SCREAMING] There! Is that Mavis and Dracula? [GASPS] Imagine catching both my brother and Mavis out on a mandatory lock down! [GASPS] It's too bad to be true! - We've got to help Mavis.
- Don't worry, I have a plan so stupid, it can't possibly work! Shh.
You had me at stupid! [BOTH LAUGHING] What's happening?! - [LAUGHING] Yeah! - Yeah! [WENDY AND PEDRO CHEERING] Stick of meat! Stick of meat! [ROARING] I'm sorry, Mavis.
I never meant for you to be turned into a pumpkin.
It's okay, Dad.
No, I failed! Fire, potions, cooties! Monsters have tried everything for thousands of years.
The problem is you've been using the wrong kind of monster.
[DOORBELL RINGS] Trick-or-treating is over, hon.
You and your Dad better skedaddle.
[ROARING] [SCREAMING] The monster apocalypse! Kitty's got some carving to do.
- Who's that? - You'll see Who wants pumpkin pie?! [ROARING] [GRUNTING] [WOLF HOWLING] Are you sure you have to go? - That was actually kind of fun.
- [GRUNTS] Fun? [STAMMERS] You know, not the rule breaking near death thanks to a mythical creature I conjured part, but the working together part.
It, uh, it was kind of fun.
But I must go.
I have much to do at the council and I'm not sure how much longer Pete can keep up the charade.
- Bleh, bleh, bleh.
- You said it, Drac! I love you, Mavy, and I always will.
I know, Dad.
I love you too.
Now, remember, and this is important, get back to your room before Lydia finds you! Yes, sir! [WENDY GIGGLING] [GASPS] AUNT LYDIA: Mavis? Now I've got you! Diane! Open the gate! [CLUCKING] [LAUGHING] [GRUNTING] Whoa! S'cuse me, s'cuse me! Coming through, coming through! AUNT LYDIA: Move or die! Move or die! Ah-ha! Oh, Aunt Lydia.
I didn't hear you come in.
- [SPUTTERS] B-B-But - Sorry, I've been in the shower? For 10 hours?! [GASPS] Has it been that long? - Huh.
- So, you've been here all this time? Uh-huh.
Is the terrible night we must never speak of ever over yet? I think perhaps I should lie down.
- It's been a long night.
- Good idea.
Well, I may have been almost killed by a centuries old beast that I was kind of responsible for, but I also learned the true meaning of Halloween candy.
Ew, gross! Yellow? [VOCALIZING]