Housebroken (2021) s02e19 Episode Script

Who's a Winner?

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Raccoon, thanks so much
for letting us
have group in here.
Thank you.
I raided an abandoned Pier 1,
and I have been dying
to have some company over.
Apple core and shoelace rumaki?
- Ooh!
- I just found out Jill's dropping
Chief and me off on a
surprise vacay tomorrow
while she goes to Joshua Tree
to get her aura scraped.
I thought we could have
a speed session
so I didn't leave you all hanging.
- Hero.
- Does anyone have
any urgent matters
they'd like to discuss?
Yeah, I'll go, since mine's
probably the most interesting.
I landed the lead role
in a gritty reboot of "Babe,"
and long story short,
I'm going to a farm
to research what it's like
to be a pig.
I hope this is okay to ask,
but aren't you already a pig?
Oh, Chico, you sweet idiot.
I'm not a pig, pig.
I'm a celebrity
who's one devastating
performance away
- from winning an Oscar.
- Maybe you'll thank me
in your acceptance speech.
No. I really wanna
talk about the environment.
Specifically, bringing back
plastic straws.
- All right, anyone else wanna sh
- Fine! I'll tell you.
I'm being forced
to return to the scene
of one of the most
traumatic events of
Great. Glad we were
all here for you.
See you in a few days.
Where do you think
Jill's taking us?
I hope it's something cultural
like an artist's colony.
I think I'm gonna need
more pink.
Why do you always drool
when you think
- about artist colonies?
- Because I'm sophisticated.
- Looks like we're here!
- Oh, God.
A sheep herding camp?
This isn't a vacation.
It's torture.
These kinds of athletic camps
expose my weakness
and make me feel inadequate.
- Ahh!
- Don't inade-quit, honey.
This is gonna be fun.
You and me are a team,
and I promise to help you
until you like this camp
as much as you like
painting dog dongs.
- Thanks, Chief.
- She's here.
- I can't believe she came back.
- Who are you talking about?
The greatest herder
this camp has ever seen.
You got this, Elsa.
- Elsa?
- Elsa! Elsa!
No sniffs! Please.
Elsa, you're the legendary
and I've never heard you
brag about it?
- Very off-brand for you.
- Well, if you hadn't
cut me off in group, which
was very on-brand burn
I would've said that
my human heard your human
talking about this place
at the dog park,
so I got dragged back here.
All right, listen up, lap dogs!
Today is just practice,
but tomorrow
we'll do timed herds.
That's where we separate
the puppies from the dogs.
Although, that really should've
been done at registration.
The two fastest teams
will move on to the finals,
where they'll go head-to-head
on the most intense,
dangerous sheep herding
course ever built.
- Any questions?
- Yeah, hi.
Um, what's the deal
treat-wise here?
Are they free-flowing, or do
you have to work for them?
Dumb question.
Everyone to the practice field.
- You're not coming?
- No.
Despite my legendary status,
I don't race anymore.
- Why, you ask?
- I didn't.
- Elsa, why I die?
- Long story.
Into the pen, go, go, go.
- Bang, bang, bang.
- Wow. Bullet and Bang are so good.
- I'll never be that good.
- Oh, hon, it's okay.
You suck at lots of stuff.
Hey, I'm Chief.
This is Honey.
We'll be herding you today.
Even though it might seem like
we're the boss of you,
we're all a team.
Clear ears, full tummies,
can't lose!
- Say it with me!
- We's is sheep.
- Sheeps is nice.
- I'm feelin' these guys.
Okay, Max, go over there
and blend in.
You can do this.
Duh! Oink!
Must eat slop
and roll in poop. Oink.
Is there somethin'
wrong with you, boy?
No, I'm a pig, like you.
- Oink!
- Why are you talkin' like that?
Okay, you got me.
I'm not really a pig, pig.
I'm an actor.
I'm here to do research
for a movie.
Do you know what a movie is?
Of course I know
what a movie is.
Let me tell you something.
Pigs are intelligent creatures
who do more than eat and lay
around in their own feces,
though we do love that.
If you can't see that,
you ain't worth
the plastic they use
to make your SAAG card.
How do you know about
- the Screen Animal Actor's Guild?
- Oh, I know a lot of things.
Too bad you ain't open
enough to learn 'em.
Okay, teams, it's simple.
Your goal is to get
all your sheep
into the pen
before your competitors.
- Herd!
- Whoo-hoo!
You're right, this is fun.
It's not so hard.
Yeah, except those sheep
haven't moved at all.
Why aren't they following us?
Oh, my God, we're failing!
What do we do?
What do we do?
Follow me.
Get behind them!
Come on, guys.
You can do it.
- Sheeps is soft.
- I bet! Okay, let's go now.
Yes! Move, soft sheep, move!
- Get the slow pokes!
- On it!
Go, go!
Bang, bang, bang.
- Oh, my God, we did it!
- And we won?
We won! Ahh!
And all because of you.
No, because of us.
We are a great team.
- All of us.
- Sheeps is good.
- Yeah!
- Cheer!
- Way to go!
- Wow!
You did great. Whoo!
This is how the game
sucks you in,
- and before you know it
- Baa.
Elsas is gesundheit.
- Nice herd yesterday.
- Flock yeah, it was.
Ah, there's nothin' like
the thrill of the herd
or a sheep pun.
But there's a reason
I don't race anymore.
If it's too painful,
you don't have to
It happened
on the finals track.
I was the favorite to win,
but my sheep
weren't in peak condition,
and we started falling behind.
I saw a shortcut
that no one had tried.
Follow me!
- Sheeps is too many.
- Do it!
So they exploded?
How did that
Just play the game.
Don't let the game play you.
Okay. Coolio.
Great job out there yesterday.
Let's just do
the same thing again.
Or we can go bigger and
better, like "Mamma Mia! 2."
Last night, I realized
that yesterday,
we were moving in a cluster.
But if we move
in a diamond shape,
we'll be more aerodynamic.
There's no way we can't win.
Okay, but just remember
that on our team,
winning means
doing your best and having fun.
I'm gonna go cardboard load
before the race.
Just to clarify,
what winning actually means
is beating the other teams.
- Sheeps is wins!
- Yes! You're getting it.
- Sheeps is sheeps.
- I can't.
So, uh, I just wanted
to apologize for yesterday.
I was using hurtful
stereotypes because I don't
know the first thing
about being a pig.
But if you're willing
to teach me,
- I am ready to learn.
- You're already learning
because you just passed
your first test.
- I did? What was it?
- Wantin' it bad enough.
And, uh, I saw you eat a Cheeto
from that pile of poop.
We don't have Cheetos at home.
I mean, David doesn't eat
anything without a face.
Now, let's get to work.
- Oink.
- Don't say it. Oink it.
Your final lesson:
baskin' in mud.
You can't call yourself a pig
unless you get pork
- chop deep in Brown Town.
- Okay.
You know what?
Actually, I think
I threw my back out
doing some of those oinks,
so let's just pick this up
tomorrow, okay?
All that montage, and nothin'.
As we head into the last lap,
looks like Chief
and Honey's team
might have a shot at making it
into the top two.
Move it, sheep!
This is a race,
not a feminist art crawl.
- Sheeps is tired.
- I don't care. I'm winning this.
Honey, ease up.
They herd you.
No, but seriously,
you're freaking them out.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
They did it! Honey and Chief
are seeded second.
- Yes!
- There's only one team left to race,
Bullet and Bang.
Bullet and Bang
are the best herders here.
They'll get first place, and
we'll get bumped off the board.
- We have to do something.
- Honey, we did our best.
I'll cherish the memory always.
Now, let's see if we can get to
the bottom of that treat sitch.
I'll, um, catch up with you.
- What?
- Nothing.
- Did you say
- Nope.
Ha ha.
We ain't done.
- Quit poutin', and get up, now.
- I can't do it.
- I can't get in that mud!
- Yes, you can.
You don't understand.
I'm a celebrity.
But if I set
one hoof in that mud,
I'll just be seen as a pig, pig.
I will be sacrificing everything
that I've worked so hard
to feel entitled to.
So just leave me alone.
- I can't do that.
- Why?
Why do you even
want to help me?
Because I was you.
Oh, my God.
- You're Ennis Wintour?
- Yes.
For years,
I lived a high life
fashion shows, photo shoots.
I was the only pig
ever to attend
the Met Gala.
Ennis, give me a half smile!
Who are you wearing and why?
But in all those
glamourous situations,
somethin' didn't feel quite right.
Then on one fateful
New Year's Eve
I spent upstate
at Robert Downey Jr.'s cabin,
I finally understood why.
I was lonely.
And that's when I stopped
hiding from the truth
and accepted what I've always
known deep down.
I'm a pig.
A pig, pig.
That's why I came here.
It wasn't easy at first,
but these pigs helped me
accept myself.
It was a gift, and I wanna
share that gift with you, Max.
Uh, what does this story
have to do with me?
Well, deep down,
I think you're a pig, pig, too.
You're just not ready
to admit it.
You're wrong! I'll never
want to live out here.
And my reiki healer
doesn't do cars.
You don't have to
live in the country.
You can be your true self
Except on Fallon.
That guy's exhausting.
No, I'm not like you,
and I never will be!
All those flashbacks and nothin'.
Ennis, when are you gonna learn?
Continuing with the time trials,
Bullet and Bang are up next.
- Sheeps is you?
- Uh, yeah. I sure is sheeps.
- Baa.
- Ready. Set. Go!
Ruff! Go left.
Ooh! Berries! Follow me!
Yum, yum!
No, no!
Get out of the berries
- and back on track.
- Berries is yums.
- No!
- Bullet and Bang
have lost control of their herd,
and they are disqualified.
Tomorrow's finals
will be a face-off
between Channing and Tatum
and Chief and Honey.
Let's hit the sprinklers, everybody.
I did it!
I mean, we did it!
Honey, did you do something
to those sheep?
What? No.
Did I do something?
That hurts, Chief.
That really hurts.
Berry juice?
You did cheat!
And you ate berries without me!
- I thought we were a team.
- We are a team, Chief.
And thanks to me,
we're a winning team.
Well, if this is
how you play, we're not.
- I inade-quit.
- Fine.
Go. I can win without you
or anyone.
You hear me?
Honeys is winners!
Max? You know, I heard
a Hollywood D-bag
was with the pigs and just
assumed it was Scooter Braun.
Please. I wish
a Hollywood D-bag
- was all I was.
- I understand.
Being here has made me
relive the mo
Can I finish, please?
Can I finish?
Thank you. God.
I came here to research a role,
but the only thing I've learned
is that everything I knew
about myself was wrong!
And it's all because of Ennis.
- Ennis?
- A pig who lives here.
Keep up.
When I'm with him,
I feel more like myself
than I ever have.
And who I am is
pause for dramatic effect
- a pig, pig!
- Wow. Have you told anyone else?
- No.
- Yes!
I'm scared, Elsa.
What'll happen
when everyone finds out?
Will they still love,
respect and fear me?
- Will I still be me?
- Max, accepting who you are
makes you more yourself.
Don't fight it.
Oh, God. You're right.
You're right!
Since you've stood
emotionally naked before me,
I finally feel safe to
Oh, you're gone.
All right, dummies, listen up.
I could trade you all for a pack of
cigarettes, so you better step up.
No mistakes today.
Got it?
I thought you quit.
Channing and Tatum
went out last night
and ate a little too much
fermented hay.
They're sleeping it off.
So I decided to step in
- and teach you a lesson.
- Good. Someone's gotta lose.
You've already lost your
perspective on what's important.
My sheep and I are gonna win,
and we're gonna
have fun doing it.
And if that shatters
your worldview
and leaves you questioning
every choice
you've ever made in your life,
that'll be fun, too.
- Ha ha!
- All right. I'm a little aroused.
But not enough
to not kick your ass.
- Herd!
- Move it, wool sacks!
I believe in you!
And I love you!
- Sheeps is scared.
- Shut up and climb!
Hold, hold.
Don't be scared.
It's not mint jelly.
Get in there and climb!
- And, slide! Whee!
- Whee!
- Yeah!
- Damn it!
You idiots better
get ahead of those sheep,
or I'm having mutton
chops for dinner! Go!
- Careful, sheepies, careful!
- Sorry, Mom!
- Sheeps is birds!
- No, no, no!
It's okay, sheeps.
- I got ya.
- Sheeps is sorries.
Don't let the game play you.
We are a great team.
I believe in you.
And when are we gonna
get back to my thing?
Ennis, come here!
- Max? Where are you?
- Look down.
You did it!
You got in the mud.
Yes, and I couldn't have
done it without you.
You're the first animal
who really saw me,
that helped me see myself,
and you know what?
I like me.
- And I like you.
- I like you too, Max.
You changed my life, Ennis.
I don't know
how I'll ever repay you.
You already have.
- Aw.
- Mm.
Why'd you stop?
You were about to win.
You were right.
I was so obsessed
with being the best,
I missed my chance
to have fun with you.
- I'm sorry.
- Aww, come here,
you loveable psycho.
- You done good, kid.
- Sheeps is lost!
Oh, no, they're headed
towards the highway!
- Here, sheepie, sheepie, sheepie!
- Stop, sheep! Come back!
They're too many,
and they're too spread out,
and they're too dumb.
What are we gonna do?
There's no dog alive who
- can herd all these sheep!
- Elsa!
- Elsas is helps.
- No, I can't.
Elsas has rare opportunity
for redemptions.
You're right.
And I need to accept
that who I am is a herder.
I don't care how many sheep
blow up.
Sheeps is stop!
Sheeps is assemble.
Sheeps is turn.
Honeys is front,
Chiefs is perimeter!
- What?
- Honey, figure it out.
It's not rocket science.
- Sheeps is too many.
- Do it!
Not this time.
Sheeps is single files!
- Yes!
- Wow, Elsa. You really are good.
What's important
is that the sheep are safe.
And you just admitted
that I was better than you.
Elsas is closure.
the silence of the sheeps.
- I will never forget you, Ennis.
- We'll see each other again.
Well, I had an epiphany,
and it might shock you.
I'm a pig.
- A pig, pig.
- It's also important to note
- that he told me first.
- How long have you known?
Well, on some level,
I always knew,
but it wasn't until I met
someone special
- that I could admit it to myself.
- Well, that's wonderful, Max.
We love you,
and we're proud of you.
Okay, that's enough
mushy stuff.
And, uh
and can I ask who this is?
Oh, yes, we have
a new member in our group.
Would you like
to introduce yourself?
- Sheeps is sex addicts.
- Well, hello.
Why do I have to pretend
to be your sexy
underaged girlfriend?
I mean, you're a pig, pig.
- Own it.
- Okay, listen,
Hollywood likes to think
it's so woke,
but it's still very old fashioned.
This is my first big
movie premiere,
and I don't wanna give anyone
a reason to pig-geon hole me.
Now, look alive! We're here.
What? How did
What's happening?
Aw, screw it!
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