How to Stay Married (2018) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
I'm 13 years old.
Why can't I babysit Chloe? Because you're 13 years old.
Malala had started a revolution by the time she was 12.
Well, maybe if Malala had've gone to school she wouldn't have needed to start revolutions.
Did you even read the book I gave you for Father's Day? Look, what if someone tries to break into the house, like a crime gang or terrorist? Yeah, right, Mum.
ISIS has just been waiting around for you and Dad to go to an Ed Sheeran concert and then they're gonna strike.
Sophie.
You are not babysitting.
That is final.
Why can't Uncle Brad look after us? Uh, no can do, I'm afraid, because Uncle Brad has his first Tinder date.
Oh, back on the horse.
Good man.
She's too hot for you.
Is not.
She looks like Jennifer Aniston.
Probably just a really good photo of her.
I can do this.
I know you can.
You know, if it was up to me, then, absolutely, sure thing.
But your mum's still getting used to this whole new arrangement of me staying at home, her at work, so What's the point of having a new arrangement - if everything stays the same? - Well Dad, if you're the stay at home parent, isn't it your decision? OK, I'll consider it.
Thank you so much, Dad.
Come on.
Fist bump.
And make it explode.
Pewww! And shh, just don't tell your mum.
I think Uncle Brad looks a bit like Ed Sheeran.
Oh, maybe.
I don't see it.
EM: Greg's got us tickets to Ed Sheeran.
Well, if you want tonight to be special, why don't you go all the way? Uh, yeah, well, we might do it.
That's, of course, if the kids don't crash in our bed.
No, no, no.
I'm talking about a Brazilian, bub.
Oh.
Oh! Oh, no, I don't think so.
You want tonight to be special, don't you? Um, OK.
But maybe not, like, a full Brazilian.
Could we just do, like, a half? Like a half Aussie, half Brazilian? No, no.
I'm not making a pizza, darl.
Oh! Are you gonna open these? No.
'Cause they're bills, and bills equal boring.
CHLOE: Robovac is like a dog, but it cleans.
Thanks so much for getting this, Dad.
Roger that.
Why are you doing laps of the kitchen? Because I'm trying to get to 10,000 steps and every step counts.
So, tonight, do not answer the door to anyone - and call us if there is an emergency.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) Robovac will get it.
Can we order pizza? No.
No.
We're doing a health kick, so Oh, come on.
You're on a health kick.
We're not.
OK, you can order pizza.
- You are the best dad.
- Yeah.
Do you really think that he'll be into this? If you could put a waxed vag into a stubby holder, men wouldn't leave the couch.
So I'm gonna take Greg to Honeycloud tonight for cocktails before the concert.
Oh, deadly.
So before Ed Sheeran I'm taking your mum to the Loaded Toad.
The Loaded what? The Loaded Toad! It's where your mum and I used to go before gigs, back in the day.
Sounds lame.
EM: Tonight will be really good for Greg.
He's doing great with the domestics but I know how hard it is.
I've been doing it for 13 years and it never gets any easier.
Tonight will go as smoothly as your freshly waxed front bum.
Yeah.
Ow! Special delivery! Oh, they're here! TV: Sold out Ed Sheeran concert I signed for it.
Perfect timing.
Oh, maybe maybe we can just leave it.
You can't do that, darl.
It's a bit patchy down there.
Looks like Art Garfunkel's trying to get out of your cha-cha.
Are you ready? Brace yourself.
(TEARS) Ohh-oh! Oh I think that you might have taken something important.
I don't know, Greg.
I mean, you sure Sophie's old enough to babysit? She's only 13.
Yeah, well, Melania started a revolution when she was 13.
Yes, she did, didn't she? No, that's Malala.
Tomay-toes, tomatoes.
Sophie just wants the responsibility, but it would be great if you could just keep an eye on them.
Oooookay, yeah, nice one, Dad.
I don't get it.
Sophie thinks she's babysitting but really, she's got four eyes on her the whole time.
Ah, yes.
OK, so what are we looking for, Chief Butler? Teenage boys? Pool parties? Crystal meth? No.
No.
I don't think .
.
that's gonna be a problem, Terry.
But just Maybe just be around.
Yeah.
More? You look amazing as always.
Oh, gosh, this is never ending.
Do you want a hand opening some of this? No, all under control.
But I do have a very special delivery for you.
I thought, what could make this ensemble even hotter? What is it? Close your eyes.
This! Wow! What's that? We used to always buy our own tour T-shirts but I thought it's been a while, so why not design our own? Ah-ha! And it gets better.
They're matching.
- Yes, they're matching.
- Yeah.
Ahh.
So, uh, not wearing the T-shirt? Uh, well, I'll put it on when we get there.
I didn't want to get it dirty.
Where are Terry and Marlo? Just running a little bit late.
Marlo is shaving Terry's back or vice versa.
We'll be OK, Mum.
Trust me.
OK, so when Terry and Marlo do get here in, like, five minutes, do not answer this door to strangers, yeah? Mm-hm.
And if there is an emergency, you call us straightaway.
OK.
Yes.
If we are visited by an axe murderer in the next five minutes, we'll call.
Now go.
(SLAMS DOOR) Oh, bloody Brad, he's parked us in with his Honda Jizz.
Oh, has he left on his date? Yeah, like three hours ago.
Oh, well, how are we gonna get there? We can walk.
It's only like a thousand steps to the station.
OK.
Yep.
Oh, Greg, can you just slow down a bit? Brad? Oh! Wow.
Hello.
Thanks for showing up.
I started to feel a panic attack coming on thinking, "Is she coming?" (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) I'm sorry, I It's my first date after a pretty brutal break-up.
I thought you were joking when you said you'd be in a suit, holding a rose.
Oh! (LAUGHS) Seems like a weird thing to joke about.
The rose is for you.
Why, thank you.
The suit I cannot give you.
(LAUGHS) It's a rental.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Shall we? - Yes.
Thanks.
- Yeah, OK.
Great.
After you.
A lot of Sheeran fans on the train.
I know.
What you think he's doing, like, right now? Probably waiting for us, I imagine.
- Em, Em, Em! - Yeah? Where are you going? Well, I might have a little surprise for you.
Uh Snap.
I've got a surprise for you.
Oh, well I was going to shout you to cocktails at Honeycloud.
Shout? Interesting.
Um My surprise is better.
Trust me.
OK.
Where are we going? We are going to .
.
the Loaded Toad.
It's gone.
Babe, I'm so sorry.
Bloody apartments! I had my 21st year.
This is where we first kissed and We did some stuff.
You know, this is this is part of our history.
Yeah.
We had some great memories there.
But the good news is .
.
Honeycloud! (SIGHS) Chloe, turn it off and go brush your teeth.
But it's not my bedtime yet.
It is so your bedtime.
My bedtime's eight o'clock.
I know.
And look at the clock.
It's eight o'clock right now.
Twelve, three, six.
It's not dark outside yet.
Daylight savings, silly.
Doesn't that happen in summer? This year it's winter.
Teeth.
Now.
OK.
All-time favourite gig? Uh, Pearl Jam.
Despite being a little hurt at just how loudly you sung - Can't Find a Better Man.
- (LAUGHS) Look at us, out and about having fun.
Yeah.
So, um, how are things really on the home front? It is tough, isn't it? And the girls, I'm sure they're helping you out, right? It's been great, it's .
.
been like a mini holiday.
No, it's And how is life back in the workforce? Dean still busting your balls? Mean Dean.
No, he's actually alright.
Actually, oh, he showed me this hysterical viral video.
Wait.
I've got to show it to you.
It's so funny.
Just wait a sec.
There.
(DOGS BARKING, MAN SHOUTING) (LAUGHS) That's just Yeah.
I, um I was the one who sent you that video.
No, I don't think so, because I remember Dean showing it to me in the meditation corner at work.
It's No, I don't care, it doesn't matter, but I did send you that video.
Where did you send it? To our email address.
Oh, right, sorry.
That's because work's given me a new email address and so I've been using that.
But actually, I really should check the old one.
TeamGrem@hotmail's been good for 12 years.
Yep.
Yep.
(MUFFLED MUSIC COMING FROM INSIDE) Soph! Hello? It's Terry and Marlo! From across the road! She knows that.
Oh, hi, guys.
Made you a lasagne! - Yum.
- Yummo! Lasagne? What's in it? Just Lasagne ingredients.
- Tomato - Cheese.
Cheese.
Eggplant sheets.
Turmeric.
Ugh.
Oh, Mum and Dad said not to open the door.
It's just us, love.
Sorry.
Parents' orders.
What do we do? I dunno.
I mean, just leave the lasagne on the mat, I guess.
The possums will eat it, Terry.
Possums don't eat turmeric, sweetie.
Just left the lasagne on the mat here, Sophie.
OK.
Thanks! I'm taking the marshmallows.
Good.
BRAD: Jennifer Aniston.
That's it.
Jennifer Aniston.
Excuse me? You look like Jennifer Aniston.
Has anyone ever told you that? No, they haven't, actually.
But thank you.
I mean, I don't see it, but thank you.
Brad and Jen, together at last.
So do you think that I look like anyone? Oh, um I actually get Ed Sheeran.
A lot.
Like, heaps.
Uh, no.
Maybe Jim Courier.
Jim Courier? Yeah, that old tennis player.
Ron Weasley's uncle? Ron Weasley's uncle? He's not even in the books.
No.
Ed Sheeran, the singer.
(ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) Any movement? Oh, shit, sorry.
- You alright now? - Yep.
Mm.
What do we have here? Give me a look.
Those little shits have ordered pizza.
Pizza? To eat? Give me that.
That lasagne is 10 times better than anything that man's got to offer.
He's not even Italian.
Neither am I.
No, but you're hot-blooded.
We need to get closer.
Alright.
To the to the kids, Tezzy.
- We need to get closer to the kids.
- Oh.
Yes.
It's time for ninja mode.
Greetings, and welcome to Honeycloud.
Do you have a reservation? Yes, we do, under Butler.
Emily Butler.
Yes, I can see it here.
We have an amaze table for you in the Cloud Room.
Oh, that is so perfect.
Sorry, we do have a dress code.
You're gonna need a jacket, sir.
We don't allow T-shirts.
Oh, this is not just any T-shirt.
I made this T-shirt.
That's us.
Although only one of us is wearing it at the moment.
Yeah, 'cause I'm saving mine up for the concert.
Sure.
This is a really special occasion, so is there, like, anything at all that we could do? OK.
I'll take the hint.
I'll go topless.
(LAUGHS) We may have a large jacket.
Let me see.
No.
We only have the one large and it's gone.
Well, do you have a medium? Yes.
Do you want me to fetch the medium jacket for you, sir? No, no, no.
That's OK.
You know what, we actually we just might come back.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
Bring me the medium.
That was not a Western-sized medium.
No way.
That was small-medium at best.
Are you OK? Yeah, I just didn't think that we would be doing this much walking.
We can go straight to Ed Sheeran if you like.
We don't need to go for pre-drinks.
Oh, Greg, I'm really sorry about Honeycloud.
I wanted to take you somewhere classy with my first pay cheque and shout you a night out.
I mean, you've been shouting dinner for the last 14 years.
Which we haven't considered shouting until tonight.
BRAD: So you climbed Mount Everest with a sherpa while your boyfriend stayed behind and slept with the sherpa's wife? Fiance, but yeah.
He had his own version of mountaineering, I guess.
Wow.
Reminds me a little bit of that song .
.
by Ed Sheeran.
What is it with you and Ed Sheeran? No, just, you know, that song he sings about the pop singer who cheated on him.
I think it was one of the Bangles.
But instead of popstars it was .
.
sherpas.
(TERRY MAKES NINJA MOVE NOISES) (WHISPERS) Terry! Terry! What? You said ninja mode.
I said the mode, not the moves.
When I get asked to look after our neighbours' kids, or keep an eye on them at least, right, I take that responsibility very seriously.
I love when you take things seriously.
- Yep.
- It's sexy.
You've got to go round the back, OK, and I'll take the front.
That's sexy too.
Mmm! One mission at a time.
Go, go, go! (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ON TV) How do I get up there? Here we go.
(METAL CLANKS) WOMAN: (ON TV) No! No, please! (WOMAN TREMBLES) (GUNSHOT, WOMAN SCREAMS) (STRUGGLES) Oh, sh! (WOMAN SCREAMS) EM: Well, we're nice and early.
GREG: Yeah.
We'll get to see both the support bands.
Yep.
And I guess we can just have some, you know, chips or something - when we get there.
- Yeah.
- I like chips.
- Hot chips.
Hot chips.
Got the tickets? Sorry? Have you got the tickets? Did you book the tickets? Why would I book the tickets? I thought you would now that you're making the money.
When am I supposed to just find the time to do that? When I am at work, I am working.
Oh, watching funny internet videos.
Oh! Besides, I thought tonight was your shout.
- Enough with the shouting, alright? - Calm down.
No, don't tell me to calm down! (EERIE, SUSPENSEFUL MOVIE PLAYING ON TV) (PHONE RINGS) Hey, Soph? Mum, the power's gone out and there's somebody out the back of the house.
What? Well, where are Terry and Marlo? Uh I've got that.
Give me.
They're not here.
Dad told them I could babysit.
He did what? I'm scared.
- (SCREAMS) - (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) - (SHATTERS) - (SCREAMS) We will be home soon, darling.
We've called an Uber.
- SOPHIE: Thanks, Mum.
- OK, bye.
Price is on surging.
That's a good result.
Why were the kids not being babysat? Terry and Marlo were there the whole time.
They were looking after them.
You cannot undermine me with the kids like that.
Isn't this the new world order? You take care of things at work and I take care of things at home.
The kids are both of our responsibility.
And Sophie wanted that responsibility.
Greg, the power got cut off.
And somehow that's my fault.
The power goes to the home and the person at home pays the electricity bill.
Well, some people might say the person who makes the money pays the bills and the person at home does the parenting.
You're just doing all of the easy stuff.
It's all about making T-shirts and having a robot do the vacuuming.
Forgive me for having some fun while I babysit the kids.
Babysit the kids! - They are your kids, Greg! - OK.
That's not what I Yeah, I mean, look after the kids.
Greg, you can't be the fun dad the whole time.
I'm taking care of everything at home so you can go to work - and hang out with mean Dean.
- That's it.
I cannot believe that I got a Brazilian for this.
(SIGHS) A what? I got a Brazilian because I wanted tonight to be .
.
well, you know Pubeless? I wanted tonight to be special.
Well So did I.
Yeah.
But now I'm too scared to look down there because I'm really scared that there's some bits missing.
Come on.
You still hungry? Thanks for tonight.
It's been awesome.
I You're perfect.
As Ed Sheeran might say.
Please, stop with the Ed Sheeran shit.
Well, I just think it's worth mentioning that I bear a striking resemblance to My ex loved Ed Sheeran in a slightly obsessive way.
I'm talking, like, chest tattoos.
Which is why I can't stand Ed Sheeran, and now What? Now I can see it.
Yes.
You look like Ed Sheeran.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Goodbye, Brad.
Yes.
I look like Ed Sheeran.
This is way better than an Ed Sheeran concert.
And I don't know how you managed to get us such a great table with no dress code.
I know a guy.
Thank you, sir.
I don't know how you do it, Greg, but these floors are bloody spotless.
- (WHISPERS) OK.
- Thanks.
Chloe's asleep.
Hey, Marlo.
Thank you.
Thanks for tonight.
See you tomorrow.
If this was our first date, do you think that there would be a second? Well, if I'd worn a homemade T-shirt, then possibly not.
No, I really love the T-shirt.
I do.
Um Is there any chance that you might be able to help me find those missing bits? - Yep, yeah.
- (CHAIR SCRAPES) I can do that.
Let's go.
- Come on.
- Oh! (GIGGLES) Mm.
Still tastes real good, darl.
Bit crunchy with the ceramic.
MARLO: Why don't you skip the mains and come and get your dessert? Oh! We've got Viennetta! Ah.
You were talking about sex, weren't you?
Why can't I babysit Chloe? Because you're 13 years old.
Malala had started a revolution by the time she was 12.
Well, maybe if Malala had've gone to school she wouldn't have needed to start revolutions.
Did you even read the book I gave you for Father's Day? Look, what if someone tries to break into the house, like a crime gang or terrorist? Yeah, right, Mum.
ISIS has just been waiting around for you and Dad to go to an Ed Sheeran concert and then they're gonna strike.
Sophie.
You are not babysitting.
That is final.
Why can't Uncle Brad look after us? Uh, no can do, I'm afraid, because Uncle Brad has his first Tinder date.
Oh, back on the horse.
Good man.
She's too hot for you.
Is not.
She looks like Jennifer Aniston.
Probably just a really good photo of her.
I can do this.
I know you can.
You know, if it was up to me, then, absolutely, sure thing.
But your mum's still getting used to this whole new arrangement of me staying at home, her at work, so What's the point of having a new arrangement - if everything stays the same? - Well Dad, if you're the stay at home parent, isn't it your decision? OK, I'll consider it.
Thank you so much, Dad.
Come on.
Fist bump.
And make it explode.
Pewww! And shh, just don't tell your mum.
I think Uncle Brad looks a bit like Ed Sheeran.
Oh, maybe.
I don't see it.
EM: Greg's got us tickets to Ed Sheeran.
Well, if you want tonight to be special, why don't you go all the way? Uh, yeah, well, we might do it.
That's, of course, if the kids don't crash in our bed.
No, no, no.
I'm talking about a Brazilian, bub.
Oh.
Oh! Oh, no, I don't think so.
You want tonight to be special, don't you? Um, OK.
But maybe not, like, a full Brazilian.
Could we just do, like, a half? Like a half Aussie, half Brazilian? No, no.
I'm not making a pizza, darl.
Oh! Are you gonna open these? No.
'Cause they're bills, and bills equal boring.
CHLOE: Robovac is like a dog, but it cleans.
Thanks so much for getting this, Dad.
Roger that.
Why are you doing laps of the kitchen? Because I'm trying to get to 10,000 steps and every step counts.
So, tonight, do not answer the door to anyone - and call us if there is an emergency.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) Robovac will get it.
Can we order pizza? No.
No.
We're doing a health kick, so Oh, come on.
You're on a health kick.
We're not.
OK, you can order pizza.
- You are the best dad.
- Yeah.
Do you really think that he'll be into this? If you could put a waxed vag into a stubby holder, men wouldn't leave the couch.
So I'm gonna take Greg to Honeycloud tonight for cocktails before the concert.
Oh, deadly.
So before Ed Sheeran I'm taking your mum to the Loaded Toad.
The Loaded what? The Loaded Toad! It's where your mum and I used to go before gigs, back in the day.
Sounds lame.
EM: Tonight will be really good for Greg.
He's doing great with the domestics but I know how hard it is.
I've been doing it for 13 years and it never gets any easier.
Tonight will go as smoothly as your freshly waxed front bum.
Yeah.
Ow! Special delivery! Oh, they're here! TV: Sold out Ed Sheeran concert I signed for it.
Perfect timing.
Oh, maybe maybe we can just leave it.
You can't do that, darl.
It's a bit patchy down there.
Looks like Art Garfunkel's trying to get out of your cha-cha.
Are you ready? Brace yourself.
(TEARS) Ohh-oh! Oh I think that you might have taken something important.
I don't know, Greg.
I mean, you sure Sophie's old enough to babysit? She's only 13.
Yeah, well, Melania started a revolution when she was 13.
Yes, she did, didn't she? No, that's Malala.
Tomay-toes, tomatoes.
Sophie just wants the responsibility, but it would be great if you could just keep an eye on them.
Oooookay, yeah, nice one, Dad.
I don't get it.
Sophie thinks she's babysitting but really, she's got four eyes on her the whole time.
Ah, yes.
OK, so what are we looking for, Chief Butler? Teenage boys? Pool parties? Crystal meth? No.
No.
I don't think .
.
that's gonna be a problem, Terry.
But just Maybe just be around.
Yeah.
More? You look amazing as always.
Oh, gosh, this is never ending.
Do you want a hand opening some of this? No, all under control.
But I do have a very special delivery for you.
I thought, what could make this ensemble even hotter? What is it? Close your eyes.
This! Wow! What's that? We used to always buy our own tour T-shirts but I thought it's been a while, so why not design our own? Ah-ha! And it gets better.
They're matching.
- Yes, they're matching.
- Yeah.
Ahh.
So, uh, not wearing the T-shirt? Uh, well, I'll put it on when we get there.
I didn't want to get it dirty.
Where are Terry and Marlo? Just running a little bit late.
Marlo is shaving Terry's back or vice versa.
We'll be OK, Mum.
Trust me.
OK, so when Terry and Marlo do get here in, like, five minutes, do not answer this door to strangers, yeah? Mm-hm.
And if there is an emergency, you call us straightaway.
OK.
Yes.
If we are visited by an axe murderer in the next five minutes, we'll call.
Now go.
(SLAMS DOOR) Oh, bloody Brad, he's parked us in with his Honda Jizz.
Oh, has he left on his date? Yeah, like three hours ago.
Oh, well, how are we gonna get there? We can walk.
It's only like a thousand steps to the station.
OK.
Yep.
Oh, Greg, can you just slow down a bit? Brad? Oh! Wow.
Hello.
Thanks for showing up.
I started to feel a panic attack coming on thinking, "Is she coming?" (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) I'm sorry, I It's my first date after a pretty brutal break-up.
I thought you were joking when you said you'd be in a suit, holding a rose.
Oh! (LAUGHS) Seems like a weird thing to joke about.
The rose is for you.
Why, thank you.
The suit I cannot give you.
(LAUGHS) It's a rental.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Shall we? - Yes.
Thanks.
- Yeah, OK.
Great.
After you.
A lot of Sheeran fans on the train.
I know.
What you think he's doing, like, right now? Probably waiting for us, I imagine.
- Em, Em, Em! - Yeah? Where are you going? Well, I might have a little surprise for you.
Uh Snap.
I've got a surprise for you.
Oh, well I was going to shout you to cocktails at Honeycloud.
Shout? Interesting.
Um My surprise is better.
Trust me.
OK.
Where are we going? We are going to .
.
the Loaded Toad.
It's gone.
Babe, I'm so sorry.
Bloody apartments! I had my 21st year.
This is where we first kissed and We did some stuff.
You know, this is this is part of our history.
Yeah.
We had some great memories there.
But the good news is .
.
Honeycloud! (SIGHS) Chloe, turn it off and go brush your teeth.
But it's not my bedtime yet.
It is so your bedtime.
My bedtime's eight o'clock.
I know.
And look at the clock.
It's eight o'clock right now.
Twelve, three, six.
It's not dark outside yet.
Daylight savings, silly.
Doesn't that happen in summer? This year it's winter.
Teeth.
Now.
OK.
All-time favourite gig? Uh, Pearl Jam.
Despite being a little hurt at just how loudly you sung - Can't Find a Better Man.
- (LAUGHS) Look at us, out and about having fun.
Yeah.
So, um, how are things really on the home front? It is tough, isn't it? And the girls, I'm sure they're helping you out, right? It's been great, it's .
.
been like a mini holiday.
No, it's And how is life back in the workforce? Dean still busting your balls? Mean Dean.
No, he's actually alright.
Actually, oh, he showed me this hysterical viral video.
Wait.
I've got to show it to you.
It's so funny.
Just wait a sec.
There.
(DOGS BARKING, MAN SHOUTING) (LAUGHS) That's just Yeah.
I, um I was the one who sent you that video.
No, I don't think so, because I remember Dean showing it to me in the meditation corner at work.
It's No, I don't care, it doesn't matter, but I did send you that video.
Where did you send it? To our email address.
Oh, right, sorry.
That's because work's given me a new email address and so I've been using that.
But actually, I really should check the old one.
TeamGrem@hotmail's been good for 12 years.
Yep.
Yep.
(MUFFLED MUSIC COMING FROM INSIDE) Soph! Hello? It's Terry and Marlo! From across the road! She knows that.
Oh, hi, guys.
Made you a lasagne! - Yum.
- Yummo! Lasagne? What's in it? Just Lasagne ingredients.
- Tomato - Cheese.
Cheese.
Eggplant sheets.
Turmeric.
Ugh.
Oh, Mum and Dad said not to open the door.
It's just us, love.
Sorry.
Parents' orders.
What do we do? I dunno.
I mean, just leave the lasagne on the mat, I guess.
The possums will eat it, Terry.
Possums don't eat turmeric, sweetie.
Just left the lasagne on the mat here, Sophie.
OK.
Thanks! I'm taking the marshmallows.
Good.
BRAD: Jennifer Aniston.
That's it.
Jennifer Aniston.
Excuse me? You look like Jennifer Aniston.
Has anyone ever told you that? No, they haven't, actually.
But thank you.
I mean, I don't see it, but thank you.
Brad and Jen, together at last.
So do you think that I look like anyone? Oh, um I actually get Ed Sheeran.
A lot.
Like, heaps.
Uh, no.
Maybe Jim Courier.
Jim Courier? Yeah, that old tennis player.
Ron Weasley's uncle? Ron Weasley's uncle? He's not even in the books.
No.
Ed Sheeran, the singer.
(ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) Any movement? Oh, shit, sorry.
- You alright now? - Yep.
Mm.
What do we have here? Give me a look.
Those little shits have ordered pizza.
Pizza? To eat? Give me that.
That lasagne is 10 times better than anything that man's got to offer.
He's not even Italian.
Neither am I.
No, but you're hot-blooded.
We need to get closer.
Alright.
To the to the kids, Tezzy.
- We need to get closer to the kids.
- Oh.
Yes.
It's time for ninja mode.
Greetings, and welcome to Honeycloud.
Do you have a reservation? Yes, we do, under Butler.
Emily Butler.
Yes, I can see it here.
We have an amaze table for you in the Cloud Room.
Oh, that is so perfect.
Sorry, we do have a dress code.
You're gonna need a jacket, sir.
We don't allow T-shirts.
Oh, this is not just any T-shirt.
I made this T-shirt.
That's us.
Although only one of us is wearing it at the moment.
Yeah, 'cause I'm saving mine up for the concert.
Sure.
This is a really special occasion, so is there, like, anything at all that we could do? OK.
I'll take the hint.
I'll go topless.
(LAUGHS) We may have a large jacket.
Let me see.
No.
We only have the one large and it's gone.
Well, do you have a medium? Yes.
Do you want me to fetch the medium jacket for you, sir? No, no, no.
That's OK.
You know what, we actually we just might come back.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
Bring me the medium.
That was not a Western-sized medium.
No way.
That was small-medium at best.
Are you OK? Yeah, I just didn't think that we would be doing this much walking.
We can go straight to Ed Sheeran if you like.
We don't need to go for pre-drinks.
Oh, Greg, I'm really sorry about Honeycloud.
I wanted to take you somewhere classy with my first pay cheque and shout you a night out.
I mean, you've been shouting dinner for the last 14 years.
Which we haven't considered shouting until tonight.
BRAD: So you climbed Mount Everest with a sherpa while your boyfriend stayed behind and slept with the sherpa's wife? Fiance, but yeah.
He had his own version of mountaineering, I guess.
Wow.
Reminds me a little bit of that song .
.
by Ed Sheeran.
What is it with you and Ed Sheeran? No, just, you know, that song he sings about the pop singer who cheated on him.
I think it was one of the Bangles.
But instead of popstars it was .
.
sherpas.
(TERRY MAKES NINJA MOVE NOISES) (WHISPERS) Terry! Terry! What? You said ninja mode.
I said the mode, not the moves.
When I get asked to look after our neighbours' kids, or keep an eye on them at least, right, I take that responsibility very seriously.
I love when you take things seriously.
- Yep.
- It's sexy.
You've got to go round the back, OK, and I'll take the front.
That's sexy too.
Mmm! One mission at a time.
Go, go, go! (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ON TV) How do I get up there? Here we go.
(METAL CLANKS) WOMAN: (ON TV) No! No, please! (WOMAN TREMBLES) (GUNSHOT, WOMAN SCREAMS) (STRUGGLES) Oh, sh! (WOMAN SCREAMS) EM: Well, we're nice and early.
GREG: Yeah.
We'll get to see both the support bands.
Yep.
And I guess we can just have some, you know, chips or something - when we get there.
- Yeah.
- I like chips.
- Hot chips.
Hot chips.
Got the tickets? Sorry? Have you got the tickets? Did you book the tickets? Why would I book the tickets? I thought you would now that you're making the money.
When am I supposed to just find the time to do that? When I am at work, I am working.
Oh, watching funny internet videos.
Oh! Besides, I thought tonight was your shout.
- Enough with the shouting, alright? - Calm down.
No, don't tell me to calm down! (EERIE, SUSPENSEFUL MOVIE PLAYING ON TV) (PHONE RINGS) Hey, Soph? Mum, the power's gone out and there's somebody out the back of the house.
What? Well, where are Terry and Marlo? Uh I've got that.
Give me.
They're not here.
Dad told them I could babysit.
He did what? I'm scared.
- (SCREAMS) - (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) - (SHATTERS) - (SCREAMS) We will be home soon, darling.
We've called an Uber.
- SOPHIE: Thanks, Mum.
- OK, bye.
Price is on surging.
That's a good result.
Why were the kids not being babysat? Terry and Marlo were there the whole time.
They were looking after them.
You cannot undermine me with the kids like that.
Isn't this the new world order? You take care of things at work and I take care of things at home.
The kids are both of our responsibility.
And Sophie wanted that responsibility.
Greg, the power got cut off.
And somehow that's my fault.
The power goes to the home and the person at home pays the electricity bill.
Well, some people might say the person who makes the money pays the bills and the person at home does the parenting.
You're just doing all of the easy stuff.
It's all about making T-shirts and having a robot do the vacuuming.
Forgive me for having some fun while I babysit the kids.
Babysit the kids! - They are your kids, Greg! - OK.
That's not what I Yeah, I mean, look after the kids.
Greg, you can't be the fun dad the whole time.
I'm taking care of everything at home so you can go to work - and hang out with mean Dean.
- That's it.
I cannot believe that I got a Brazilian for this.
(SIGHS) A what? I got a Brazilian because I wanted tonight to be .
.
well, you know Pubeless? I wanted tonight to be special.
Well So did I.
Yeah.
But now I'm too scared to look down there because I'm really scared that there's some bits missing.
Come on.
You still hungry? Thanks for tonight.
It's been awesome.
I You're perfect.
As Ed Sheeran might say.
Please, stop with the Ed Sheeran shit.
Well, I just think it's worth mentioning that I bear a striking resemblance to My ex loved Ed Sheeran in a slightly obsessive way.
I'm talking, like, chest tattoos.
Which is why I can't stand Ed Sheeran, and now What? Now I can see it.
Yes.
You look like Ed Sheeran.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Goodbye, Brad.
Yes.
I look like Ed Sheeran.
This is way better than an Ed Sheeran concert.
And I don't know how you managed to get us such a great table with no dress code.
I know a guy.
Thank you, sir.
I don't know how you do it, Greg, but these floors are bloody spotless.
- (WHISPERS) OK.
- Thanks.
Chloe's asleep.
Hey, Marlo.
Thank you.
Thanks for tonight.
See you tomorrow.
If this was our first date, do you think that there would be a second? Well, if I'd worn a homemade T-shirt, then possibly not.
No, I really love the T-shirt.
I do.
Um Is there any chance that you might be able to help me find those missing bits? - Yep, yeah.
- (CHAIR SCRAPES) I can do that.
Let's go.
- Come on.
- Oh! (GIGGLES) Mm.
Still tastes real good, darl.
Bit crunchy with the ceramic.
MARLO: Why don't you skip the mains and come and get your dessert? Oh! We've got Viennetta! Ah.
You were talking about sex, weren't you?