Huge in France (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

Épisode Cinq

1 [DR.
BARB] So, what's been going on since the last time I saw you? So, we've been icing, massaging, stretching.
He's been pampered more than Louis XIV, this kid.
- What? - Who? Louis XIV.
He was a king back in the day in France.
Louis XIV.
Roi de France.
That's why.
Nevermind.
It was just an old, cheap joke.
I cannot believe what I'm feeling.
I've never seen swelling go down that fast.
- Seriously? - Yeah! Already? Normally, I heard it takes like six weeks minimum to I don't know where you would've heard that.
I think we can make our original date.
Yes! Are we sure he he definitely needs them or anything? Oh, yeah.
He's a prime candidate.
Because when I look at them like that, they look perfectly I wouldn't leave them like that.
Thank you, Dr.
Barb! Thank you! Bring it in.
Bring it in.
Yes.
Thank you, Dr.
Barb.
This is fantastic news for everybody.
Thank you.
episode five Oh my God.
Did you get any of that? My God.
I cannot have you moping around and slamming cabinets.
Do you get that? Do you get exactly how important this weekend is for me and my Hi! What are you still doing here? Just dropping off Luca.
The EXhale retreat hasn't started yet? Yeah, but it's about to.
You need to go.
Okay, and you need to hold it together.
How was Dr.
Barb? Great, actually.
The swelling went down.
Looks like everything can stay on schedule.
- That's excellent news.
- [LUKE] Yeah Thanks to Gad.
Don't you think you should thank him for bailing your sorry ass out? Ahem.
Thank you, Gad.
- For? - No.
For bailing my ass out.
- Your "what" ass? - No.
My sorry ass.
That's not a problem.
It's okay.
I'm You know I'm gonna work on my walk.
Wanna come give me some notes? Yeah, I'd love to.
- I was talking to Gad.
- Oh.
Yeah, sure.
I want to work on the walk with you.
- But your mom said - No.
It's fine.
She's in retreat mode.
- She's not gonna notice.
Come on.
- Let's do it.
All right.
Look at you.
It's all going according to plan, isn't it? Show up.
Out of the blue.
Claiming to be rich, famous.
Claiming? I'm not claiming.
That's You think you can buy his love? Well, if I know that kid he's not for sale, bud.
Good.
Can I? So, that was breathe and release.
Intense, right? Yeah, you know, I wanted to put it right at the beginning of our retreat because when you breathe in, then you must release and you must Camille? Exhale.
Exactly.
It's literally on all of the printed materials.
We're about to be verified.
- All right.
Now, I hope you - There is a strange man - in your bathroom.
- What? Hey! Hi, sorry about that.
Who's this? - No one.
- Brian Kurihara.
I work for Gad.
- And since he's staying here now - Gad, your ex? - He's staying here, Viv? - No.
He's not staying here.
Well, last night.
Right? And he said he'll probably stay out the week unless that's changed now.
He's staying here, too? I'm actually out in the driveway.
I'm living in my car now.
It was one night.
It was just one night.
But you said they'll always try to get back in and we can't let them get back in no matter what.
Yes.
Okay.
I did say that Camille.
So What now? Where are we now? - The same place we were? - Exactly.
So, why are we doing it? We want to move on from our past, right? Or do we want to live in the past and focus on what we were saying instead of what we are saying and what we're going to be saying, hmm? No, yeah.
I guess the last thing.
- Right.
- Okay.
- And she's right, you know.
- Thank you.
I may be living in my car now, - but - Great.
Thank you, Brian.
Poor thing.
How did you end up living in your car? - It's a long story.
- Yeah.
But, you know, worth it.
I think.
[RUNWAY MUSIC PLAYING] Dad was out gambling, drinking, and banging hookers.
And then Mom would come home from turning tricks.
And they would just go at it.
- Well, there it is.
- I'd hide in the little closet underneath the stairs.
Listen to old stand-up albums just to block out the noise - Yeah.
- Thank you.
Comics are pretty much who raised me, you know.
Heck, Saget's more my dad than my actual dad.
Well, thank you Brian.
- That was - Can I give you a hug? Would that be okay? Yeah.
As long as you're patient with someone who hasn't had one in a long time.
Come here.
So nice.
[RUNWAY MUSIC CONTINUES] Hey, Luca, do you have any plans this week? I was thinking maybe we can meet have dinner or lunch.
This week's kind of tough.
Ah, me too, you know what.
What about tonight? Do you have plans? Bowling with Zene and James.
Oh, and Gad.
It's a guys' night out.
Let's do it.
But you know that James is a girl, right? Yeah.
Okay.
I want to meet her Yeah? I can come with you - bowling.
- I don't know.
- I'm paying for the pecs.
- And I appreciate that but this is important.
Okay, so tell me what's important.
Tell Gad.
What is so important about the bowling? It's Zene's closing move.
He rolls like a fucking king and he knows it.
Okay.
And James will be jumping in his arms after every strike.
And I'll be sitting there like a pathetic third wheel while he fucks her in his car.
Maybe I can help.
I can, you know, I can get in the way.
I can I can be the the nuisance.
- You wanna cockblock Zene.
- Cockblock? You wanna stop Zene from boning James.
Voilà! It's risky.
I mean, I think I can do it.
I can be really annoying.
Yeah, you can.
Okay.
- I'm trusting you.
- Yeah? [WOMEN OVERHEARD LAUGHING] Are they always laughing like that in the EXhale Retreat? Not usually.
No.
[LAUGHING INTENSIFIES] You know what, keep on working on those walking faces and I'll be right back.
Okay? I'm just gonna check.
[BRIAN] Too bad I took care of that last night and then again this morning.
[WOMEN LAUGH INTENSELY] Is that him? Oh, no.
That's the gardener.
That's Hey, Francisco.
- No, she's kidding.
- We don't need you now.
Hey, boss.
Come on over! Just sharing some horror stories with the girls.
What's with the laughs? It's I hear it from there.
"Ah!" Like - What do you want? - Come on in.
Water's warm.
They're an easy audience.
Oh, easy? I don't know.
This one doesn't look so easy to me.
Excuse me? She just needs a few Margaritas in her.
Am I right? [LIGHT CHUCKLING] - There's - Let it go.
one, two, three, four.
Six women and one man.
I feel like I'm in Paris.
No.
Man, you were destroying it.
- I don't get it! - You're sweet.
Thanks.
I think I was crushing mainly because I started from an emotional place.
Then sort of layered the comedy in on top.
- Does that make sense? - No.
Not really.
To be honest with you, I'm really confused here.
I don't get it anymore.
Dick jokes are funny.
You get the laughs.
I don't.
I'm the professional comedian here.
You're right, I was pretty surprised to see you bomb back there.
Those ladies are real laughers.
I bought a house in Monaco from jokes.
I fly private from jokes.
And I can't make a room of lady laughers laugh? Or Dr.
Barb? What happened? - What is it? - No.
Yeah, it is baffling.
Am I saying the words right? You leave out some connectors and your accent is pretty thick.
But No, I think the concepts are coming through.
Well, they should be laughing.
Yeah, you would think so.
Yeah.
Because, I mean what's the alternative? That you're not funny? Or that you lost it somehow? Exactly.
You know, I guess there is the possibility that you never were funny.
France got fooled all these years and now the harsh reality is setting in.
Anyway.
Good thing none of this matters.
Funny.
Not funny.
You don't care about that anymore.
It's all about that kid.
That's what we came here for, right? Yeah, well.
I'm gonna head back in there, though.
All right? Cause it's hard to pass up a crowd like that, you know? All right.
Bro, I need your keys.
[VOICE FROM TV] You've been with each other a very long time.
What do you need them for? Going bowling.
Gad's taking me.
He's gonna cockblock Zene.
I know you love this woman.
Oh, yeah? Well, he's not taking my truck.
Your truck? Isn't it kind of his truck since he still pays for it? You find a better partner to ride that bicycle They're in my jeans.
Okay, well you wanna grab them for me? ["I CAN'T HOLD BACK" PLAYING] Tell him to go easy on the clutch.
Sticks going into first.
I heard you're paying for the pecs.
- Yes.
- Super cool.
You know, and I don't toss those words around lightly.
Thank you, Zene.
I mean it.
No, seriously.
So, your dad said if he gets them, he's in, right? Oh, yeah.
I talked to him this morning.
Yay! We'll all be going to New York together? Hey, can you get a suite? Get a suite I don't know, it'll be tough.
We'll see, okay? Reaching out to both of us I've been holding back the night [CALMING MUSIC PLAYING] ["THE REASON" PLAYS OVER CALMING MUSIC] I'm not a perfect person What is that? Just find your breath, Camille.
If you're doing it right, you really shouldn't hear anything.
I hear it, too.
- It's a bit distracting.
- Just block it out, guys.
Block it out.
I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go Stay.
I'll be right back.
That I just want you to know Jason! Jason! Jason! You have the outside speakers on.
Just flip the switcher.
Move the music inside.
Jason! Oh my God.
Nod if you're hearing me! What is wrong with you? The switcher by the door.
Jason! Seriously? Turn the outside speakers off.
Oh my God! I'm sorry that I hurt you Hey, what's going on? Maybe we can continue this another time? No, you can come back.
It seems like you've got a lot going on.
No, I have this.
I have this all weekend, you guys.
We're good.
We can Is there a refund if you don't come back the second day? I've found a reason All right, the game is scotch doubles.
Everyone familiar? You alternate shots not frames, all right? You miss a frame, you forfeit the game.
Wait.
What is the frame? - I thought you prepped him.
- I did.
He knows.
- He knows.
Yes.
- Does he? - Do they even bowl in France? - Oh, yes.
Okay.
Let's see what you got.
Boom! You liked that strike? Hey.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Bowling.
What's up? He's all over her.
Yeah.
It's gonna be tougher than I thought.
Okay, I need to use the restrooms.
I'll be back.
And I will block Zene's cock.
Okay, well, hurry up, cuz we don't have a lot of time.
[SOUNDS OF KISSING] [COMEDIAN] I don't meet dudes on my phone.
A phone, with a guy? Not great.
Cause we're dumb, and we just send out dick pics willy-nilly.
Like, you can have one and you can have one.
And everybody over there check under your seat, a picture of my dick.
Yeah.
Guys are sending them out unsolicited, which is crazy to me.
Girls want them sometimes.
They don't want them that way.
Guys, If you ever have to ask yourself the question, "Does she want a picture of my penis right now?" The answer is fucking no.
[CROWD LAUGHING] There are young girls in his room with unread Facebook messages Looking for a spot, funny guy? I No, I'm just watching.
I'm bowling with my son here.
Lots of people bowl.
Do a set - and go back to bowling.
- Really? They do? There's a 20 minute wait.
Want me to put you down? I don't know.
I probably won't and What's your name? Um Gary.
Gary.
- There you go.
- Edwards.
Gary Edwards.
Ever do any comedy, Gary? I used to.
it was 3,000 dollars.
[MUMBLES] This is you? Yeah, this is That's her.
Roomier than I thought.
[BANG] Yes! [KISSING SOUNDS] Dude! Where's your dad? I don't know.
I'm sure he'll be back in a sec.
He better be.
Waiting around is just killing the momentum.
There he is.
Here I am.
Gad is back.
Dude, where were you? Taking a shit? I was actually leaving a shit.
Oh my God.
It's your turn.
[FRENCH SONG PLAYING] [LOUNGE MANAGER] Thanks for coming out tonight, folks.
Unless there's anybody else.
Still have a few minutes left.
Anybody? [GAD] Wait! Who said that? Gary Edwards.
There you are, Gary! I've been calling for you.
Hold on everybody.
One more set.
Gary Edwards! [LIGHT APPLAUSE] Come on up! [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] Dude, are you kidding me? What the fuck did he eat? I don't know.
I'm sorry, guys.
Why can't we just skip his turn? We can't just skip his turn, babe.
I mean, it's an automatic forfeit.
It's not that big of a deal.
We can just skip his turn.
Yeah.
Can't we just choose not to enforce And then what? We're just cherry-picking which rules to follow? What? And a gutter becomes a strike now? - Babe, calm down.
- Calm down? I'm not going to calm down.
Okay? If you skip a turn, you forfeit.
It's that simple! Fuck! - [LUKE] Jesus! - [ZENE] Fuck! Fucking bullshit! I'm sorry.
[JAMES AND ZENE ARGUING] - Fuck! - Oh my God! The rules are there for a fucking reason! In all my time doing this job, and I've been doing it a long fucking time, I've never seen anyone die such a slow painful death on a stage like that.
I don't say this often.
But, if I were you, I would never attempt this again.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Good night, Gad.
Good night.
Sorry about the cockblock.
It's okay.
I think you bought me some time.
Jason, you're sitting in the dark.
Huh How was bowling? It was great, actually.
Oh.
It must have felt good just like the hug at the bottom of the stairs.
Jason, is everything okay? Are you What's with the stamp? Oh, the that's for the the bowling.
They stamp when you go That's so weird.
Isn't it? Thirsty Alleys doesn't stamp.
But the lounge does.
How do you think Luke would feel if he knew you were doing comedy again? Okay.
You wanna know? I did a 5 minutes set at a an open mic.
And if it makes you feel better, I bombed.
Actually, that does make me feel better.
Why do you think you bombed? I'm not funny here.
I'm not Gad.
All everyone sees is this insecure stuttering Gad.
They don't see the charming, sexy Gad.
Yeah, it's America.
She's not as easy as she looks.
Now what? You tell Luke and you ruin everything? That's what you want? No.
That would be the move, wouldn't it? But, no.
I'm not gonna tell on you, Gad.
I'm not a rat.
Besides, he hates me.
His mom's about to really hate me.
- What do you mean? - You familiar with sperm? Mine are completely worthless.
Found that out the hard way.
The only thing keeping me going.
Marco.
I know it's a long shot, but it's a shot.
Is Is there still a chance? Yeah.
Why? I don't know.
Just thinking You think I should double down? Reactivate my phone? Go over TK's head and go straight to Lasky? I don't think anything.
I was thinking that why don't I take my fate into my own hands, right? - I'm not sure.
- Thank you, Gad.
- I gotta go.
- Wait, Jason.
I'm gonna double down, here.
I gotta double down with everything.
I gotta go to the gym.
Thank you, man.
Thank you! I hear you're quite the bowler.
I'm sorry.
- Luke said I should stay.
- I know.
He told me.
- Did you see Jason downstairs? - Yeah.
He went to the gym.
Unless it was Marco.
I'm not sure.
I could took you to the the Sunglass Hot shoot, but pero I can't, cause Marco don't know how to drive.
Marco died in the 90s.
- Stop.
- He don't know emails.
Oh God.
Viv, you shouldn't laugh.
You shouldn't laugh.
I'm sorry.
You know, cause these days we don't do comedy around the house.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] Yeah.
[FRENCH SONG PLAYS] [GRUNTS] [BRIAN AND MADDIE MOANING] [GAD AND VIV MOANING] [VIV] Baby! Harder.
[CELL PHONE CHIMING] He got Marco?