I Didn't Do It (2014) s01e09 Episode Script
Now Museum, Now You Don't
I just know we're gonna get caught.
How about a little less whining, White Cheddar Mac? Be careful! Catch him! Uhh! Get her off! Get her off! The stairs! You're nothing but trouble but trouble's what I like Got a whole life to figure it out So why start tonight? Just take a picture of me taking a picture of you Making the face that makes me laugh, Then you start laughing too And when the world looks upside down Just flip the camera the other way around 'Cause this will be the time of our, time of our lives We're taking the world by surprise Hang on it's a crazy ride Yeah, this will be the time of our, time of our lives And even when it don't feel right Know that you're doing just fine 'Cause this is the time of our lives! It's an outrage.
You can't call it mac 'n cheese unless it's orange.
So what do you call it? White cheddar mac.
Which as you know is also my rapper name.
Mac 'n cheese can be any color.
I beg to differ.
"Beg to differ" is such a weird expression.
I mean, Can't you just ask to differ? Why do you have to beg? Crazy exciting news, but you have to promise not to treat me any different than you did before.
It's like, "Please! Please let me differ with you! I'm begging you!" See, it's too much.
Yes, good.
Ignore me exactly like that.
I got an internship at the Chicago Museum of Art! There were hundreds of applicants! I can't believe it! I know, it's a huge honor.
No, I mean I can't believe hundreds of people applied.
Are you kidding? It's a museum internship.
Museum.
Internship.
I can't think of a more boring combination of words.
Guys, this is cool.
Congrats, Lind.
Thanks, Jas.
And I'll be there for the Nefertiti exhibit.
You guys have to visit.
"Nefer" gonna happen.
Is something wrong with you? Ugh, I wish.
I'd kill to have just something wrong with me.
I have many things wrong with me.
I was talking about the nail-biting.
It's not a problem.
I beg to differ.
Yes, just get on your knees and beg.
Flip through these.
That's you sipping a smoothie while biting your nails, that's you playing football while biting your nails, and that's you hammering a nail while biting your nails.
Yeah, got down to the cuticle on that one.
Good times.
But that doesn't mean I'm always doing it.
That's you just now biting your nails while looking at pictures of you biting your nails.
Okay, so maybe I do do it a lot, but I can stop anytime I want.
How about now? I'll help.
Good.
Good.
This is good.
But what am I supposed to do with my hands? Applaud yourself for breaking your bad habit.
Nuh-uh-uh.
I have the most amazing, wonderful news, but you've to promise not to tell anybody.
Of course.
What is it? I am the reincarnation of the ancient Egyptian queen Nefertiti.
Oh, I'm not going to spread that around.
Okay, I know it sounds a little nutty.
My mom's brownies are a little nutty This is full on cray-cray.
You're absolutely right.
Unless you're absolutely wrong.
Tell me, what does this look like? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Nefertiti? And who does Nefertiti look like? Wait, before you answer Oh, I see it now.
It's Harry Potter.
Hello, my name is Garrett, and I'm a nail-biter.
It's been 6 hours since I bit my last nail.
With the help and support of this esteemed group, I know I can overcome this problem.
At least I hope I can.
Arrggh! Hello, my name is Garrett, and it's been Don't you judge me, pit-sniffer! Hello, I'm the new intern, Lindy Watson.
Please call me Lindy.
Trudy Tanzer-Dinkins, museum director.
Please call me Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins.
Okay, Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins.
Actually, it's Tanzer-Dinkins.
The emphasis is on the Tanz, not the Dink.
Oh.
Well, I just want to say I'm honored, and can't wait to be of service.
You should know I have a five strike rule.
Five strikes? Isn't it usually only three strikes? That's strike one.
Don't question me.
Four more and you're out the door.
Well, whatever you need, I am here for you.
Whether it's giving information or tours, helping curate the Nefertiti exhibit.
Not to brag, but I've been brushing up on my hieroglyphics.
Well, aren't we the little go-getter? Can you translate this? My job is to stand here and tell people not to use the stairs? I don't want to sound ungrateful, but can't you just get a sign? Signs cost money.
How much are we paying you? Nothing.
You've just answered your own question.
You know, but guarding stairs isn't exactly utilizing all of my abilities.
I am a self-starter, I'm super focused, and I have keen attention to detail.
Starting now.
Strike two! Oh, uh, sorry, ma'am.
The stairs are out of order.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Thank you.
Where's the restrooms? Oh, they are down the hall and to the right across from the Impressionist exhibit.
So after you go, you can Van Gogh.
What are you doing? I was just helping that woman Eh-eh-eh.
That's strike three.
If someone needs information, they go to the Information Booth and they ask Information.
You are Stairs.
Your job is to direct people away from the staircase.
Is that understood, Stairs? Yes, Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins.
Still a little heavy on the Dink.
Actually, it's Lindy, not Stairs.
Whatever.
What is it, Logan? Are you busy? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
Doing what? Very important things.
My internship has tons of responsibilities, and they're counting on me.
I cannot be wasting my time talking to you.
Well, you better turn around.
Someone's about to use the stairs.
Huh? Logan! Yeah, I better hang up, I don't want to keep you from your ton of responsibilities.
I can't believe you.
Boy, the other ninety-nine applicants must be really bummin'.
Ha-ha.
It's still an honor I was chosen to be here, and again, at least I'm doing something.
So am I.
You're right about me sitting on my butt, so now I'm doing something.
I said to myself, "Logan, what's the hottest ticket in town? Why, it's the Nefertiti exhibit here at the museum, Logan.
" Yeah, I know.
I'm the one who told you.
Then I said to myself, "Logan, what is the easiest way to exploit this Nefertiti craze and make the most money with the least effort?" And I love what Logan came up with.
Presenting the Nefertiti tee.
Please, no one is gonna buy those.
Beg to differ.
Hey, I guess it does make sense.
Because these things are selling like hotcakes.
Seriously, the lady selling hotcakes is getting really mad.
Excuse me? Are you the person selling T-shirts in front of the museum? Yes, he is, and I for one think it's a disgrace.
Come with me, young man.
Yes, go with her, T-shirt-selling guy who I've never seen before in my life.
Stairs! Sorry.
That's strike four.
One more and you're out.
What sport is she talking about? So anyway, I tried everything and then I came up with these.
I know boxing gloves are a little extreme, but they're helping me with my problem.
Every time I go to bite my nails, I Well, they're helping.
Hey, Garrett.
Who are your new friends? Well, it's an anonymous support group, so I can't tell you their names or what's wrong with them but, say hello to pit-sniffer, hair-twirler, and nose-picker.
I'm good, thanks.
I'm glad to see you're working through your problem, but I got to say this is the most bizarre collection of people I've ever seen at Rumble Juice.
Let it be written, let it be done! Spoke too soon.
Your eternal queen has a proclamation.
I'll have a boysenberry with almond milk.
So what happened? Did they ban you from the museum for life? Not exactly.
Starting tomorrow, I'll be working in the museum gift shop.
The museum gift shop? Yeah, it's this shop in the museum where they sell gifts.
Anyway, that nice museum lady said she liked my creativity and my street smarts, and something about me being a people person.
Hmm.
Well, that's impressive considering you're not creative, you're not smart, and you're barely a person.
All honesty aside, congratulations on your internship.
Thanks, but it's not an internship.
I'm getting paid.
They're paying you? Yeah.
Apparently, they had some extra money they didn't spend on signs.
Welcome aboard, Logan.
Wow.
Thanks, Trudy.
"Trudy"? Eh-eh-eh.
Still Tanzer-Dinkins to you.
Back to work, Steps.
Actually, it's Stairs.
Six months.
That's how long it took for me to get this internship.
Logan comes in and snags a job in six minutes How is that possible? Well, Logan's really likeable, and he has that sparkling personality that people find really annoying and jerky and all the other stuff you call him.
You know, it's not even a great T-shirt.
I don't know.
If you cut it up a little and accessorize it's still a lame-o T-shirt.
My break's up, I got to get back to work.
Don't be bummed.
Let Logan might have his silly gift shop job.
If it wasn't for you standing right here, someone might steal those stairs.
Sorry, Lindy, you're not giving us a lot to work with here.
Quick, my boss is coming.
Pretend you want to take the stairs.
Please! I'm begging you, let me use those stairs! Nope, I'm sorry, I cannot allow it under any circumstances.
My stars! Has anybody ever told you that you are the spitting image of Nefertiti? Yes, I believe someone mentioned it.
Ooh, Logan's gonna love this.
Let it be written, let it be done! Please let it be done.
I wish there was some way to prove how ridiculous all of this is.
Okay, you didn't hear it from me because it's technically Information, but there's an expert lecturing on Nefertiti in a few hours.
Stairs! I've gotta get back to work.
So you know how Trudy's always cracking knock-knock jokes? No, not really.
So we're in the break room, and she There's a break room? Yeah, you know, where all the snacks are.
There are snacks? Yeah, it's right next to that really comfy napping couch.
It's across from the massage chair where we watch TV sometimes.
You were saying? So Trudy says, "Knock-knock," and my walkie-talkie goes off Wait, they gave you a walkie-talkie? Yeah, I'm pretty sure all employees get walkie-talkies.
It's funny because me and Trudy are both on channel four.
That's delightful, really.
Oh, listen to me going on and on about myself.
How was your day? Anyone try to use the stairs? You know, I-I really don't want to talk about this anymore.
Did I say something wrong? Not at all.
Really.
'Cause if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were a little upset at me for working at the museum.
Logan, of course not.
You're my brother.
I couldn't be any happier for you.
All right, cool.
Well, I've got to get ready for Trudy's party.
Ahh.
It's a little reception for Trudy's nephew before his bar mitzvah.
What? It's a Jewish rite of passage.
They're having a fondue party, and I'm bringing the bread.
Hey, what happened to my bread? I'll tell you what happened.
I-didn't-get- a-walkie-talkie happened.
What does that have to do with my bread? Why is everything so easy for you? I don't get it.
I'm the one who should be appreciated.
I worked my butt off to get that internship, and it just fell in your lap.
It's not fair.
It's not fair? Just because I don't do things your way doesn't mean my way is wrong.
And I'm tired of you treating me like it is.
Good news, guys.
I think I finally kicked my nail-biting habit.
Go away, Garrett! What did I do? And that concludes our tour.
Don't forget to get your N4TT T-shirts in the gift shop.
Ask for Logan.
He is a delight.
Ooh.
What a great talk.
Very informative.
Thank you, Doctor Lommen.
Actually, it's pronounced Lommen.
You put the emphasis on "Lo," I put the emphasis on the "men".
Could you please tell my friend there's no possible way that Nefertiti could have any living descendants? You look familiar.
Have we met before? That depends.
Were you hanging around Cairo three thousand years ago? Because I'm pretty sure I was.
She thinks she's a descendant of Nefertiti.
Well, I guess anything is possible.
Maybe Nefertiti and I have some similarities.
Could you tell us anything about her that you didn't already cover? You know, some Nefer-tidbits? She was never that interested in the fashion of the day.
She had her own sense of style.
Not fashionable.
And she was one of the very first people in history to wear spectacles.
Really? Spectacles is another word for glasses.
And supposedly she was a bit of an oddball.
Well, two out of three ain't bad.
Lommen, Tanzer-Dinkins here.
We're waiting for you in the break room.
Logan made guacamole.
Uh, you'll have to excuse me.
Pressing museum business.
Well, I think we learned something very important here today.
Yes.
You and Nefertiti were both badly dressed oddballs with poor vision.
Let's go home, Your Highness.
No.
Come on! I could be a part of history! I have to find out if I'm a descendant of Nefertiti.
Jas, you've got to help me.
What am I supposed to do? All I have is a passionate interest in crime scene investigation and a DNA kit.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but we need to get a DNA sample from the mummy to compare to Delia's.
So could you please sneak us in the service door of the exhibit tonight after everyone is gone? Sorry, but taking DNA samples from a dead Egyptian queen is probably against museum policy.
Besides, I really like working there.
I mean, they get hundreds of applicants, and they chose me.
I don't want to do anything to get in trouble.
What's with him? He's acting so responsible, so mature So Lindy.
Before you answer, I know you think an after-hours museum break-in is irresponsible, and you're probably gonna say no, but That's cool.
What? That's cool.
I'll just sneak you in.
Really? Aren't you worried about losing the internship? I don't care.
Whatever.
Let's tear it up.
What's with her? She's acting so irresponsible, so immature So Logan.
Oh, my gosh! It's like Logan and Lindy actually switched bodies.
That's the most far-fetched thing I've ever heard.
Now let's go prove I'm an immortal Egyptian queen.
Attention patrons, the museum is now closing.
Please make your way to the exit.
Logan, please pick up your bonus on the way out.
What is with that helmet? I got it in the museum gift shop.
I used Logan's employee discount.
He gets a bonus and employee discount? I'm okay.
Yeah, see, when I put the mask down, I can't bite my nails.
Which is a good thing because I'm really nervous.
I think we should get out of here.
Not before we get the DNA sample from the mummy.
Uh-oh.
There's a rope.
No getting past this bad boy.
Well, we tried.
Let's go.
Wow, I feel oddly at home with all my peeps.
Look! My old dog! Stay.
Earsp.
Good dog.
Whoa.
That is one funky mummy.
Whoa-ho.
Just help me get the mummy out so I can take a DNA sample.
Whoop Ahh! I have 3,000-year-old fingernails in my mouth! Oh, well, the good news is this is the last fingernail I will ever put in my mouth.
Let it be written, let it be done! Not a moment too soon.
You were starting to gross me out.
All right, let's get the sample from the mummy and get out of here.
Okay? The museum's closing.
You know, you'd think with an exhibit this popular, they'd extend the hours.
Way to keep your finger on the pulse of the conversation, Garrett.
I just know we're gonna get caught.
How about a little less whining, White Cheddar Mac? Be careful.
Catch him! Uhh! Get her off! Get her off! The stairs! Aah! Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins, are you okay? You're still a little heavy on the Dink.
Would someone like to tell me why I was just steamrolled by a 3,000-year-old mummy? It depends.
Are the security cameras working right now? Because that might affect our answer.
Who is responsible? I'm guessing it's Little Miss Five Strikes.
No, Trudy.
It wasn't Lindy.
It was me.
It was all my fault.
Logan? You don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
I was the one who opened the sarcophagus and let the mummy out.
It was a silly prank.
Lindy tried to stop me, but I wouldn't listen to her.
Logan, I am very disappointed in you.
Yeah.
I get that a lot.
I'm sorry, Trudy.
It's Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins, and you're fired.
I'll need your walkie-talkie, your key to the employee fridge, and you're uninvited to my nephew's bar mitzvah.
Ah, darn, won't get to see that boy become a man.
Nice work, Information.
Oh.
I'm Stairs.
Not anymore.
That is so sweet.
Thank you.
Will I be attending the bar mitzvah? Don't push it.
Logan, why did you do that? Because this job was important to you.
You worked so hard to get it, you deserve to keep it.
Thank you.
Plus, Trudy double-dipped in my guac.
Once that's in your head, you can't get it out.
Uhh, guys? Speaking of getting out, can I get a little help here? I can't see too good in this thing.
Those stairs falling down stairs)re out of, I'm okay! Well, I got the results of the DNA test.
Sorry, Delia.
It turns out you're not related to Nefertiti.
Darn! Baked a cobbler for the Nefertiti family reunion for nothin'.
Oh, well.
You okay, Delia? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just Never mind, it's silly.
Hey, come on.
We're your friends.
Yeah, Deels, there's nothing you can't share with us.
I mean, I know it was a long shot, but it would've been nice for once to feel like I don't know if I was a little different than everyone else.
I wouldn't worry about that, sweetie.
How about a little less whining, White Cheddar Mac? Be careful! Catch him! Uhh! Get her off! Get her off! The stairs! You're nothing but trouble but trouble's what I like Got a whole life to figure it out So why start tonight? Just take a picture of me taking a picture of you Making the face that makes me laugh, Then you start laughing too And when the world looks upside down Just flip the camera the other way around 'Cause this will be the time of our, time of our lives We're taking the world by surprise Hang on it's a crazy ride Yeah, this will be the time of our, time of our lives And even when it don't feel right Know that you're doing just fine 'Cause this is the time of our lives! It's an outrage.
You can't call it mac 'n cheese unless it's orange.
So what do you call it? White cheddar mac.
Which as you know is also my rapper name.
Mac 'n cheese can be any color.
I beg to differ.
"Beg to differ" is such a weird expression.
I mean, Can't you just ask to differ? Why do you have to beg? Crazy exciting news, but you have to promise not to treat me any different than you did before.
It's like, "Please! Please let me differ with you! I'm begging you!" See, it's too much.
Yes, good.
Ignore me exactly like that.
I got an internship at the Chicago Museum of Art! There were hundreds of applicants! I can't believe it! I know, it's a huge honor.
No, I mean I can't believe hundreds of people applied.
Are you kidding? It's a museum internship.
Museum.
Internship.
I can't think of a more boring combination of words.
Guys, this is cool.
Congrats, Lind.
Thanks, Jas.
And I'll be there for the Nefertiti exhibit.
You guys have to visit.
"Nefer" gonna happen.
Is something wrong with you? Ugh, I wish.
I'd kill to have just something wrong with me.
I have many things wrong with me.
I was talking about the nail-biting.
It's not a problem.
I beg to differ.
Yes, just get on your knees and beg.
Flip through these.
That's you sipping a smoothie while biting your nails, that's you playing football while biting your nails, and that's you hammering a nail while biting your nails.
Yeah, got down to the cuticle on that one.
Good times.
But that doesn't mean I'm always doing it.
That's you just now biting your nails while looking at pictures of you biting your nails.
Okay, so maybe I do do it a lot, but I can stop anytime I want.
How about now? I'll help.
Good.
Good.
This is good.
But what am I supposed to do with my hands? Applaud yourself for breaking your bad habit.
Nuh-uh-uh.
I have the most amazing, wonderful news, but you've to promise not to tell anybody.
Of course.
What is it? I am the reincarnation of the ancient Egyptian queen Nefertiti.
Oh, I'm not going to spread that around.
Okay, I know it sounds a little nutty.
My mom's brownies are a little nutty This is full on cray-cray.
You're absolutely right.
Unless you're absolutely wrong.
Tell me, what does this look like? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Nefertiti? And who does Nefertiti look like? Wait, before you answer Oh, I see it now.
It's Harry Potter.
Hello, my name is Garrett, and I'm a nail-biter.
It's been 6 hours since I bit my last nail.
With the help and support of this esteemed group, I know I can overcome this problem.
At least I hope I can.
Arrggh! Hello, my name is Garrett, and it's been Don't you judge me, pit-sniffer! Hello, I'm the new intern, Lindy Watson.
Please call me Lindy.
Trudy Tanzer-Dinkins, museum director.
Please call me Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins.
Okay, Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins.
Actually, it's Tanzer-Dinkins.
The emphasis is on the Tanz, not the Dink.
Oh.
Well, I just want to say I'm honored, and can't wait to be of service.
You should know I have a five strike rule.
Five strikes? Isn't it usually only three strikes? That's strike one.
Don't question me.
Four more and you're out the door.
Well, whatever you need, I am here for you.
Whether it's giving information or tours, helping curate the Nefertiti exhibit.
Not to brag, but I've been brushing up on my hieroglyphics.
Well, aren't we the little go-getter? Can you translate this? My job is to stand here and tell people not to use the stairs? I don't want to sound ungrateful, but can't you just get a sign? Signs cost money.
How much are we paying you? Nothing.
You've just answered your own question.
You know, but guarding stairs isn't exactly utilizing all of my abilities.
I am a self-starter, I'm super focused, and I have keen attention to detail.
Starting now.
Strike two! Oh, uh, sorry, ma'am.
The stairs are out of order.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Thank you.
Where's the restrooms? Oh, they are down the hall and to the right across from the Impressionist exhibit.
So after you go, you can Van Gogh.
What are you doing? I was just helping that woman Eh-eh-eh.
That's strike three.
If someone needs information, they go to the Information Booth and they ask Information.
You are Stairs.
Your job is to direct people away from the staircase.
Is that understood, Stairs? Yes, Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins.
Still a little heavy on the Dink.
Actually, it's Lindy, not Stairs.
Whatever.
What is it, Logan? Are you busy? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
Doing what? Very important things.
My internship has tons of responsibilities, and they're counting on me.
I cannot be wasting my time talking to you.
Well, you better turn around.
Someone's about to use the stairs.
Huh? Logan! Yeah, I better hang up, I don't want to keep you from your ton of responsibilities.
I can't believe you.
Boy, the other ninety-nine applicants must be really bummin'.
Ha-ha.
It's still an honor I was chosen to be here, and again, at least I'm doing something.
So am I.
You're right about me sitting on my butt, so now I'm doing something.
I said to myself, "Logan, what's the hottest ticket in town? Why, it's the Nefertiti exhibit here at the museum, Logan.
" Yeah, I know.
I'm the one who told you.
Then I said to myself, "Logan, what is the easiest way to exploit this Nefertiti craze and make the most money with the least effort?" And I love what Logan came up with.
Presenting the Nefertiti tee.
Please, no one is gonna buy those.
Beg to differ.
Hey, I guess it does make sense.
Because these things are selling like hotcakes.
Seriously, the lady selling hotcakes is getting really mad.
Excuse me? Are you the person selling T-shirts in front of the museum? Yes, he is, and I for one think it's a disgrace.
Come with me, young man.
Yes, go with her, T-shirt-selling guy who I've never seen before in my life.
Stairs! Sorry.
That's strike four.
One more and you're out.
What sport is she talking about? So anyway, I tried everything and then I came up with these.
I know boxing gloves are a little extreme, but they're helping me with my problem.
Every time I go to bite my nails, I Well, they're helping.
Hey, Garrett.
Who are your new friends? Well, it's an anonymous support group, so I can't tell you their names or what's wrong with them but, say hello to pit-sniffer, hair-twirler, and nose-picker.
I'm good, thanks.
I'm glad to see you're working through your problem, but I got to say this is the most bizarre collection of people I've ever seen at Rumble Juice.
Let it be written, let it be done! Spoke too soon.
Your eternal queen has a proclamation.
I'll have a boysenberry with almond milk.
So what happened? Did they ban you from the museum for life? Not exactly.
Starting tomorrow, I'll be working in the museum gift shop.
The museum gift shop? Yeah, it's this shop in the museum where they sell gifts.
Anyway, that nice museum lady said she liked my creativity and my street smarts, and something about me being a people person.
Hmm.
Well, that's impressive considering you're not creative, you're not smart, and you're barely a person.
All honesty aside, congratulations on your internship.
Thanks, but it's not an internship.
I'm getting paid.
They're paying you? Yeah.
Apparently, they had some extra money they didn't spend on signs.
Welcome aboard, Logan.
Wow.
Thanks, Trudy.
"Trudy"? Eh-eh-eh.
Still Tanzer-Dinkins to you.
Back to work, Steps.
Actually, it's Stairs.
Six months.
That's how long it took for me to get this internship.
Logan comes in and snags a job in six minutes How is that possible? Well, Logan's really likeable, and he has that sparkling personality that people find really annoying and jerky and all the other stuff you call him.
You know, it's not even a great T-shirt.
I don't know.
If you cut it up a little and accessorize it's still a lame-o T-shirt.
My break's up, I got to get back to work.
Don't be bummed.
Let Logan might have his silly gift shop job.
If it wasn't for you standing right here, someone might steal those stairs.
Sorry, Lindy, you're not giving us a lot to work with here.
Quick, my boss is coming.
Pretend you want to take the stairs.
Please! I'm begging you, let me use those stairs! Nope, I'm sorry, I cannot allow it under any circumstances.
My stars! Has anybody ever told you that you are the spitting image of Nefertiti? Yes, I believe someone mentioned it.
Ooh, Logan's gonna love this.
Let it be written, let it be done! Please let it be done.
I wish there was some way to prove how ridiculous all of this is.
Okay, you didn't hear it from me because it's technically Information, but there's an expert lecturing on Nefertiti in a few hours.
Stairs! I've gotta get back to work.
So you know how Trudy's always cracking knock-knock jokes? No, not really.
So we're in the break room, and she There's a break room? Yeah, you know, where all the snacks are.
There are snacks? Yeah, it's right next to that really comfy napping couch.
It's across from the massage chair where we watch TV sometimes.
You were saying? So Trudy says, "Knock-knock," and my walkie-talkie goes off Wait, they gave you a walkie-talkie? Yeah, I'm pretty sure all employees get walkie-talkies.
It's funny because me and Trudy are both on channel four.
That's delightful, really.
Oh, listen to me going on and on about myself.
How was your day? Anyone try to use the stairs? You know, I-I really don't want to talk about this anymore.
Did I say something wrong? Not at all.
Really.
'Cause if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were a little upset at me for working at the museum.
Logan, of course not.
You're my brother.
I couldn't be any happier for you.
All right, cool.
Well, I've got to get ready for Trudy's party.
Ahh.
It's a little reception for Trudy's nephew before his bar mitzvah.
What? It's a Jewish rite of passage.
They're having a fondue party, and I'm bringing the bread.
Hey, what happened to my bread? I'll tell you what happened.
I-didn't-get- a-walkie-talkie happened.
What does that have to do with my bread? Why is everything so easy for you? I don't get it.
I'm the one who should be appreciated.
I worked my butt off to get that internship, and it just fell in your lap.
It's not fair.
It's not fair? Just because I don't do things your way doesn't mean my way is wrong.
And I'm tired of you treating me like it is.
Good news, guys.
I think I finally kicked my nail-biting habit.
Go away, Garrett! What did I do? And that concludes our tour.
Don't forget to get your N4TT T-shirts in the gift shop.
Ask for Logan.
He is a delight.
Ooh.
What a great talk.
Very informative.
Thank you, Doctor Lommen.
Actually, it's pronounced Lommen.
You put the emphasis on "Lo," I put the emphasis on the "men".
Could you please tell my friend there's no possible way that Nefertiti could have any living descendants? You look familiar.
Have we met before? That depends.
Were you hanging around Cairo three thousand years ago? Because I'm pretty sure I was.
She thinks she's a descendant of Nefertiti.
Well, I guess anything is possible.
Maybe Nefertiti and I have some similarities.
Could you tell us anything about her that you didn't already cover? You know, some Nefer-tidbits? She was never that interested in the fashion of the day.
She had her own sense of style.
Not fashionable.
And she was one of the very first people in history to wear spectacles.
Really? Spectacles is another word for glasses.
And supposedly she was a bit of an oddball.
Well, two out of three ain't bad.
Lommen, Tanzer-Dinkins here.
We're waiting for you in the break room.
Logan made guacamole.
Uh, you'll have to excuse me.
Pressing museum business.
Well, I think we learned something very important here today.
Yes.
You and Nefertiti were both badly dressed oddballs with poor vision.
Let's go home, Your Highness.
No.
Come on! I could be a part of history! I have to find out if I'm a descendant of Nefertiti.
Jas, you've got to help me.
What am I supposed to do? All I have is a passionate interest in crime scene investigation and a DNA kit.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but we need to get a DNA sample from the mummy to compare to Delia's.
So could you please sneak us in the service door of the exhibit tonight after everyone is gone? Sorry, but taking DNA samples from a dead Egyptian queen is probably against museum policy.
Besides, I really like working there.
I mean, they get hundreds of applicants, and they chose me.
I don't want to do anything to get in trouble.
What's with him? He's acting so responsible, so mature So Lindy.
Before you answer, I know you think an after-hours museum break-in is irresponsible, and you're probably gonna say no, but That's cool.
What? That's cool.
I'll just sneak you in.
Really? Aren't you worried about losing the internship? I don't care.
Whatever.
Let's tear it up.
What's with her? She's acting so irresponsible, so immature So Logan.
Oh, my gosh! It's like Logan and Lindy actually switched bodies.
That's the most far-fetched thing I've ever heard.
Now let's go prove I'm an immortal Egyptian queen.
Attention patrons, the museum is now closing.
Please make your way to the exit.
Logan, please pick up your bonus on the way out.
What is with that helmet? I got it in the museum gift shop.
I used Logan's employee discount.
He gets a bonus and employee discount? I'm okay.
Yeah, see, when I put the mask down, I can't bite my nails.
Which is a good thing because I'm really nervous.
I think we should get out of here.
Not before we get the DNA sample from the mummy.
Uh-oh.
There's a rope.
No getting past this bad boy.
Well, we tried.
Let's go.
Wow, I feel oddly at home with all my peeps.
Look! My old dog! Stay.
Earsp.
Good dog.
Whoa.
That is one funky mummy.
Whoa-ho.
Just help me get the mummy out so I can take a DNA sample.
Whoop Ahh! I have 3,000-year-old fingernails in my mouth! Oh, well, the good news is this is the last fingernail I will ever put in my mouth.
Let it be written, let it be done! Not a moment too soon.
You were starting to gross me out.
All right, let's get the sample from the mummy and get out of here.
Okay? The museum's closing.
You know, you'd think with an exhibit this popular, they'd extend the hours.
Way to keep your finger on the pulse of the conversation, Garrett.
I just know we're gonna get caught.
How about a little less whining, White Cheddar Mac? Be careful.
Catch him! Uhh! Get her off! Get her off! The stairs! Aah! Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins, are you okay? You're still a little heavy on the Dink.
Would someone like to tell me why I was just steamrolled by a 3,000-year-old mummy? It depends.
Are the security cameras working right now? Because that might affect our answer.
Who is responsible? I'm guessing it's Little Miss Five Strikes.
No, Trudy.
It wasn't Lindy.
It was me.
It was all my fault.
Logan? You don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
I was the one who opened the sarcophagus and let the mummy out.
It was a silly prank.
Lindy tried to stop me, but I wouldn't listen to her.
Logan, I am very disappointed in you.
Yeah.
I get that a lot.
I'm sorry, Trudy.
It's Mrs.
Tanzer-Dinkins, and you're fired.
I'll need your walkie-talkie, your key to the employee fridge, and you're uninvited to my nephew's bar mitzvah.
Ah, darn, won't get to see that boy become a man.
Nice work, Information.
Oh.
I'm Stairs.
Not anymore.
That is so sweet.
Thank you.
Will I be attending the bar mitzvah? Don't push it.
Logan, why did you do that? Because this job was important to you.
You worked so hard to get it, you deserve to keep it.
Thank you.
Plus, Trudy double-dipped in my guac.
Once that's in your head, you can't get it out.
Uhh, guys? Speaking of getting out, can I get a little help here? I can't see too good in this thing.
Those stairs falling down stairs)re out of, I'm okay! Well, I got the results of the DNA test.
Sorry, Delia.
It turns out you're not related to Nefertiti.
Darn! Baked a cobbler for the Nefertiti family reunion for nothin'.
Oh, well.
You okay, Delia? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just Never mind, it's silly.
Hey, come on.
We're your friends.
Yeah, Deels, there's nothing you can't share with us.
I mean, I know it was a long shot, but it would've been nice for once to feel like I don't know if I was a little different than everyone else.
I wouldn't worry about that, sweetie.