I Love Lucy (1951) s02e32 Episode Script

Never Do Business with Friends

(I Love Lucy theme music plays) RICKY: Lucy? Yes, dear? Where are you? Right here.
Where'd you go? I'm here, I'm looking for you.
Well, wait there, I'll come back.
No, no.
Stay where you are, I'll find you.
I know this jungle better than you do.
Livingstone, I presume.
What is all this? The laundry.
I can't hang it outside today; looks like rain.
Well, can you hang it someplace else besides the kitchen? Well, there's always the living room or the front hall.
Well, I guess it is a problem.
I'll say it is.
It's an awful problem.
But it's one that you could solve if you'd just say the word.
What word? Automatic dryer.
That's two words, and I'd like to add one more.
What would you like to add? No.
Oh, now, Ricky, if I had a dryer this wouldn't happen every time it rains.
And there's a lot of rain ahead.
I read about it just the other day in the almanac.
Look, honey, the answer is no.
Oh Dryers are too 'spensive.
They are not "spensive.
" Not considering all the backbreaking work they save.
I know, honey, I know carrying this heavy basket.
Up and down, up and down my muscles straining, body all aching and racked with pain.
Fold those shirts, lift those sheets, up All right.
Now, look, Old Man River, will you dry up? Well How about some breakfast, huh? I haven't fixed it yet.
How come? I can't find the stove.
I know it's around here someplace but I just haven't been able to find it.
All right, all right, all right.
I'll eat downtown.
How do I get out of here? I won't tell you.
Ay, Dios mío.
Esta mujer está completamente loca.
No sé lo que le pasa Hi, Lucy.
Gee, it's taken this wash a long time to dry.
This is my third batch.
Oh, you poor little thing.
Babies sure make a lot of laundry.
I'll say.
I've been trying to talk Ricky into buying me an automatic dryer but he says they're too "spensive.
" I'm surprised he doesn't want me to go down to the river and beat the clothes clean on a stone.
Well, at least you've got a good washing machine.
How'd you like to do your wash in that old relic of mine? Honestly, I think it was the first one ever made.
Ethel, you know what? What? I want a dryer.
I don't care how much it costs-- we can buy it on time or something but I'm going to have a dryer.
Honey, I'm home.
Good, we can have this out right now.
Do you mind if I come with you? Not at all, but why? I want to watch your technique.
If it works, maybe I can use it to get a new washing machine out of Fred.
Be my guest.
RICKY: Hi, honey.
Hello, Ethel.
Hi, Ricky.
Ricky, I have something to say to you.
Well, honey, I got something to tell you.
Hold it, Buster, I'll do the talking here.
I want a new dryer, understand? Now, I know they're expensive but we can buy it on time and pay a little bit each week.
Well, honey, I bought a new washer and dryer today.
You just don't realize what I go through.
Up and down those stairs 20 times a day.
Up and down, up and down down and up Lucy.
Poor little arms aching so that I can hardly lift them.
Back breaking, shoulders stooped, legs buckling New washer and dryer! Ethel, did you hear that? Yep, five minutes ago.
Oh, honey, you're wonderful.
Well, I got to thinking that it is pretty rough on you and I got a good deal.
Oh, honey, you're so thoughtful.
I love you.
Aren't they sweet? ETHEL: Just like two lovebirds.
What are you, a bird watcher? Fred, guess what? Ricky's buying me a new automatic washer and dryer.
No kidding? Yeah! Well, it isn't as much as it sounds.
I got them wholesale and the fellow's allowing me $35 on our old washing machine.
Hey, wait a minute.
How'd you like to have a new washing machine? Oh, Fred, do you really mean it? Sure, I'll buy you the Ricardos' old one.
Old one? You just said a new one.
Well, it'll be new to you.
Oh, fine.
All I ever get is hand-me-downs.
All right, if you don't want it, you don't Oh, no, no, I'll take it.
We can give our old one to the Smithsonian Institute.
Well, now, just a minute.
I-I-I don't think this whole thing is any good.
Why not? Well, my father told me many years ago: "Nunca hagas negocios con amigos ni con parientes.
" (gasps) Your father said that? Never mind.
It was good advice.
Well, will somebody please tell us what it means? It means, "Never do business with friends or relatives.
" Oh, honey, that's just silly.
It isn't silly.
Listen, people act in a very strange way when they're dealing with money.
Arguments about a business deal could mean the end of our friendship.
Oh, you certainly don't think much of our friendship.
Well, I do, too-- that's why I don't think it's a good idea.
Now, you let me sell it to the dealer and have him sell it to you.
Oh, that's fine.
You'll sell it to him for $35 and he'll charge me $75.
Yeah, Ricky, if you sell it to us you'll be saving us $40.
Yeah, the dealer might even charge them $100 and then you'd be saving them, uh $65.
FRED: Yeah.
And the dealer might even charge them $125 and then you'd be All right, all right.
Saving them probably All right, I get it, all right, all right.
As much as a hundred Ricky, you'll be doing me a favor.
I'll never get a new washing machine out of Secondhand Louie here.
Well, now, look.
Suppose that something goes wrong? Oh, honey, what could go wrong? We've had that machine for four years and nothing's ever gone wrong.
What if some little thing does go wrong? I'm handy with tools, I could fix it.
LUCY: Sure.
Oh, it can't affect our friendship.
Of course not.
Ethel, Fred you may have the machine.
For $35.
Oh, thanks, Ricky.
That's fine.
Great, I'll go and make out the check.
Oh, wait, wait, Fred.
Now, there's no hurry.
Let's move the machine right now over to our apartment, huh? Are you finished with it, Lucy? They're delivering the new one in the morning.
Okay! Come on, let's go and get it.
I'll help you, Fred.
Now, Ricky, Ricky, be careful, don't scratch it.
It might ruin our friendship.
All right.
(singing off-key): All through the summer Plants blooming all alone La-di-da-di-di-di-di-di La-di-da-da-di-di-di No rose la-da-da-da La-da-di-di-da-da-da Da-da-da-di La-di-da-da (trails off) Oh, it's you.
I thought there was something wrong with the washing machine.
How about some lunch? I'm fixing you a sandwich.
Good, I'm hungry.
La-di-di-da Hi.
Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, hi, Luce.
Come on in.
Come on.
Oh, have you got the little doll with you? FRED: Yeah.
Oh, hello, honey.
LUCY: Say "hi.
" Look at that little champion.
Get the dukes up, Champ.
Look out, now, Fred.
He's stronger than you are, you know.
I just came up to see how my washing machine was doing.
You mean my washing machine.
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
Oh, Lucy, it's just wonderful.
It washes everything so fast I've run out of things to wash.
Really? As a matter of fact I was just getting ready to ask Fred to go out someplace and get dirty.
(laughing) Oh, hi.
Hi, Rick.
I thought I'd find you here.
Hi, honey.
I didn't expect you home so soon.
I'll go get your lunch, dear.
Oh, no, stay and eat with us.
Oh, no.
Oh, I got cold cuts and everything.
You sure you got enough? Anybody from Albuquerque has always had enough to eat.
Oh, we've got everything.
Well, I love it.
FRED: Bologna, salami Put the baby right there.
Oh, just put everything in there.
Sit down here.
Oh, I love it.
What kind of meat, Ricky? (all speaking over each other) (washing machine rattles) (conversation continuing) I wonder what that is.
Yeah, honey I always forget to get the butter.
(loud banging) Hey, it's the washer! What's the matter with this thing? What's the matter with it, Fred? I don't know! (all shouting) RICKY: Pull the plug out! The plug! Pull the plug out, Fred! Pull the plug! Oh! (all shouting) Oh! Oh, dear.
Gee, honey, this never happened before, did it? Never, never.
Gee, Fred, that's too bad.
Yeah, this is really a mess.
It's a good thing we found out in time.
I'll say.
Found out in time for what? I mean before the deal went through.
What do you mean, "before the deal went through"? Yeah.
Well, I hope you don't think we're buying this piece of junk.
You already bought it! I did not.
No money changed hands.
You took possession of the merchandise.
That's the same thing! Yeah! I told you we shouldn't have sold it to them.
You didn't.
Not much, I did.
You're going to pay me for this washing machine! He is not.
He is too.
He is not.
He is too! He is not! I mean, I am not! You're not going to unload this lemon on us.
Lemon? Mira que tiene el coraje de decirle a uno ahora que no quieren comprar la máquina de lavar.
Oh I can see it all now.
They knew this was a bum machine.
They knew it didn't have any trade-in value so they cagily planned to palm it off on us.
Palm it off! You begged us to let you have it.
Begged! Yeah, begged! He says, "I'm a very handy man with tools.
If anything go wrong, I can fix it.
" Entonces Ud.
Señora dijo: "A mí no me importa nada.
" "It won't harm our friendship a little bit.
" No yeah-- some friendship! That was before we knew you were cheating us.
Cheating!? Cheating!? There's been no cheating but there's been plenty of welching.
Welching?! Welching?! I'll thank you to haul this hunk of junk out of our kitchen! It is immaterial to me, Mr.
Mertz what you do with your old appliances after you ruin them.
Well said.
Thank you.
Come on, Lucy.
RICKY: And I shall expect the check in the mailbox in the morning or I'll see my lawyer.
Oh, yeah? BOTH: Yeah! (glass shattering) Oh, no, you don't, Mrs.
You put that machine in front of your own door.
I'd be very happy to, Mrs.
Ricardo only that this happens to be your washing machine.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, you don't.
(straining): Put it right over there where it belongs.
Oh! MRS.
Ricardo! Yoo-hoo, Mrs.
Ricardo! Mrs.
Ricardo! I'm out here! Oh, my, your front door was open, Mrs.
Well Good morning, Mrs.
(straining): Good morning.
What are you doing? We're moving Mrs.
Mertz's washing machine in front of her door.
(panting): No we're moving Mrs.
Ricardo's washing machine in front of her door.
Well, if you don't mind my saying so you're doing it the hard way.
What's the matter? You seem to be angry with each other.
I'll tell you what's the matter.
Truce? Truce.
I'll tell you exactly what happened.
Ricky bought me a new washing machine.
And the Mertzes insisted on buying our old one and then they got it over into their place.
They ruined it and they refuse to pay for it.
Oh, that isn't the way it happened at all.
As a favor to them, we allowed ourselves to be talked into buying this piece of junk and when we got it home, it fell apart.
What do you mean, it fell apart? What do you mean, we talked you into it? Oh, that's You practically begged.
(shouting over each other) Now, now, now, now! Ladies, calm down.
You begged! That's what you did, you begged! You begged us to.
That's what you did, you begged! Why, Mrs.
Ricardo your temper is as hot as your red hair.
What about hers? Oh, mine's as cold as your dark roots.
Well! Well, now Now, now, listen, let's see a minute.
There ought to be some way to settle this in a friendly manner.
There there is.
They can pay us our friendly $35.
What? Well, now, now wait just a minute.
I'll tell you.
I have a nephew who works in an appliance business.
I'll ask him to look at it.
Maybe he can fix it.
How about that? Don't ask me, it isn't my machine.
She can do anything she wants to with her washing machine.
It is none of my business.
(door slams) Oh, she makes me so darn mad.
Oh, you two.
Well, I just came up to tell you that I'll be able to baby-sit with little Ricky this afternoon.
Oh, well, thank you, Mrs.
I'm very happy that you can, because I How is it, Joe? Anything serious? Oh, I think we can pull her through, Aunt Matilda.
But I think somebody's confused.
This is a washing machine.
They've been trying to use it as a garbage disposal.
Well that's strange.
How much will it cost to fix it? Oh, seeing it's your friends about a dollar and a half.
Say, they wouldn't want to sell this, would they? I don't know.
I'll give them 50 bucks for it.
Well, I'll tell them and let you know what they say.
I I better go look after the baby now.
So long, Joe.
Good-bye, Aunt Matilda.
Oh, are you the man fixing the machine? Yeah, that's right.
It's a wreck, isn't it? No, it's in pretty good shape.
It can be fixed up.
Oh, yeah? Say, you don't know if they'd like to sell that machine, do you? Sell it? Yeah, whoever owns it, I'll give them 50 bucks for it.
Uh uh it, um it, uh It belongs to my husband and me but I don't know whether he'd want to sell it so cheap.
Have you spoken to the Ricardos? Ricardos-- who are they? You don oh Never mind, I'll call you.
Have you got a card? Oh.
There you are.
Oh, thanks, well, I'll let you know if my husband decides to sell it.
It's such a good machine.
Okay, good-bye.
(door closes) Fred! Fred! Hi, Mrs.
Well, hello, Mrs.
How'd little Ricky behave? Like an angel.
I gave him his bottle and he went right back to sleep.
That's good.
I wanted to talk to you about your washing machine.
Oh, you mean the Mertzes' washing machine.
Well, whoever it belongs to It belongs to the Mertzes.
Yes, that's right.
Well, my nephew says he'll pay $50 for it.
He'll pay $50 for our washing machine? That's what he said.
Well, uh did did you speak to Ethel about it, uh? No, no, I haven't told her yet.
Well well, don't bother, dear.
I'll tell her for you.
Thank you so much.
It's all right.
Let me know if they decide to sell it.
Oh, yes, yes, I will.
Thanks very much for coming down.
I hope little Ricky wasn't too much trouble.
Wasn't any trouble at all.
Thank you, Mrs.
Ricky! (laughing) Oh, my gosh! I'm glad the Mertzes didn't buy it now.
(laughing): This is perfect.
We will go tell them that we will relieve them of their obligation.
(door buzzer sounds) Isn't this wonderful? I can't believe it.
(sweetly): Hi.
RICKY: Well.
RICKY: Hiya, Fred.
Nice to see you.
Come on in, sit down.
Oh, no, you sit down.
No, you sit down, Fred.
I'd rather No, I want you to be comfortable.
Sit down, Fred.
Thank you.
My, but it's good to see you.
Oh, it's good to see you, too.
You know, we've been talking over this silly washing machine situation.
Oh, so have we.
Isn't that a coincidence? (forcing a laugh) Well, we did act pretty terrible.
Yeah, we're ashamed of ourselves and we want to apologize.
Oh, it's not Ricky, here's your check.
Well, now look here, old man you really don't No, no, no, we couldn't take your check.
Well, why not? Why, we just wouldn't expect you to pay for a washing machine that wasn't any good.
Oh, nonsense.
I'm a man of my word and a deal's a deal.
Here, Ricky.
No, no, no, no.
No, sir, no, no, no.
Not when I tried to palm off some faulty merchandise on you.
No, I couldn't.
No, we wouldn't let you pay for it.
To tell you the truth, we knew it would break down.
Why, we're practically swindlers.
That's right, yeah.
Oh, no.
We tried to welch on a perfectly legitimate deal.
Give him the money, Fred.
Yes, sir.
You've got to take the check.
Come on, now, Ricky you've got to take the money There you are.
Oh, no, you don't, Ricky.
No, no.
No, no.
Now, Ethel, you just take this check.
Oh, no, you don't.
No, no Now, look, Fred, I don't want it.
Oh! Come on, Ethel let's get our washing machine! Okay.
Now, there's your check.
Now, look, Fred, I don't want it! Fred, I won't sell it to you! Hurry up.
Fred Fred! Ricky, let go of our washing machine.
Oh, no.
Let go of it! Fred, I won't want you to get stuck with it.
I want to get stuck! You don't want it.
Lucy, would you kindly take your hands off of my washing machine? Why should I take my hands off your washing machine when it belongs to us? (all shouting, arguing) (loud crash) Look what happened to your washing machine.
Our washing machine? Certainly.
You said it was your washing machine.
You said you were ashamed (all shouting over each other) Pardon me, I was up here this afternoon looking at a washing machine.
I offered 50 bucks for it.
I spoke to you.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I got a buyer for it.
He'll go as high as $75.
Seventy-five? Oh, no! (laughing) They'd pay seventy For that thing! Oh, no, I don't believe it.
What's the matter What's the matter with you people? Are you all nuts or something? (all four continue laughing) Oh, my.
I'll tell you what I'll do, Fred.
I'll split the cost of the rail with you.
Okay, and I'll give you $17.
50 for half of that washing machine.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Here's your check.
You see, I knew nothing could ever affect our friendship.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
Trumbull was played by Elizabeth Patterson and Joe was played by Herb Vigran.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
This is the CBS television network.