I Love Lucy (1951) s03e01 Episode Script

(I Love Lucy theme music plays) Did you have a nice time shopping with Mama and Aunt Ethel? You were such a good boy.
Now we're going to get our coat off and we're going to have a big dinner and you can sit here and play while Mama changes her clothes.
Will you be a good boy? There you are, tanny right up there.
That's a fella.
Tanny right up there, we take the coat off.
Him was such a good boy.
You tired, baby? Little baby tired? Tanny up tanny up, Ricky.
There we go.
Let go.
That's it.
Now, you play, play.
There you go, honey.
I'll be right back.
Give me mine.
Oh, wasn't that a wonderful break we went by Hansen's during their selling-out sale? Uh-huh.
I wonder why she's giving up that dress shop.
Oh, I don't know, but I'm glad she is.
Oh, did you ever see such a bargain? Never.
And Ricky thinks I don't know how to save money.
Why, I saved $10 on this dress alone.
I saved seven on mine.
That's $17 we saved today.
What'll we spend it on? How about buying hats? Oh, wonderful- they actually won't cost us a cent.
Gee, won't our husbands be proud of us? Yeah.
Let's wear these dresses tonight and show 'em, huh? Oh, no, I won't get to wear mine for a couple of months yet.
What do you mean you won't get to wear yours for a couple of months yet? I have a system.
You know how mad Ricky gets at me when I buy a new dress? Yeah.
Well, I just hang this away in the closet for a couple of months and then I take it out and wear it and Ricky says, "Is that a new dress?" And I say, "No, it's been hanging in the closet for months.
" Oh, you're the sneaky one.
Yeah.
See you later.
Bye-bye.
Yes, sir, and do you know how many steps he took yesterday? Six? No.
Seven? No, two.
No kidding.
Oh, really? Honestly- I got so excited that I called Ricky down at the club, didn't I, dear? Huh? What's the matter with you? Nothing.
There is, too.
Ever since you came home, you've been sitting there in a Cuban funk.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's this crazy business that I'm in that's getting me down.
There's no sense to show business.
He gets like this every once in a while.
What's the matter, dear? Did you have a tough day? Every day is a tough day.
Everybody wants more money, everybody wants better billing.
You have to put up with all these crazy, temperamental people.
If there's one thing that I can't stand, it's temperamental people yelling and screaming all the time! Why do they have to yell and scream?! Why can't they do business in a normal, sensible manner like I do?! Well, I don't know, dear.
Perhaps it's because they're not calm and even-tempered like you are.
Yeah.
Well, the whole thing is not worth it.
I mean, it's not worth it.
When you are through, you've got nothing.
Nothing.
You got nothing going for you.
What have I got going for me? Nothing.
I got nothing going for me.
Oh, you have, too, Ricky.
You're a big, important star.
Sure.
Certainly.
Well, I mean, show business is not like any other business.
You know, in another business, if you get sick, let's say maybe you own a store, people working for you.
It takes care of itself, you don't have to worry.
You get sick, you stay home, you enjoy being sick.
You're the smart one, Fred.
Fred?! Fred?! Me?! Sure! You saved your money and you bought this building.
Well, that's true.
Now all you got to do is just sit back and watch the money roll in.
(spluttering) All right, so it's not a million dollars, but you got security.
That's what I ought to do.
I ought to get myself a little business.
That's a wonderful idea, Ricky.
Hey, we've got a couple of bucks saved up.
Maybe we could go in partners with them.
Yeah! Really? What kind of business did you have in mind? Well, gee, I don't know I do- Hansen's Dress Shop.
Yes! It's for sale.
You know that little store in the middle of the next block? LUCY: It's a gold mine right here in our own neighborhood.
Now, now, wait a minute, Lucy.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Well, but Ricky, a dress shop is just the thing for you.
Look, I already own a dress shop.
What do you mean you already own a dress shop? Have you looked in your closet lately? Oh, now don't be smart.
I don't have a lot of clothes.
Huh? All right, so I do have a lot of clothes, but where did I buy them all? From Hansen's.
Me, too.
In fact, I bought a dress there just this morning.
So did lots of people.
Ethel, did you buy another dress? Yes, at Hansen's.
That's where I've bought all my dresses ever since we've been married.
All three of them.
Ethel Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let's not get off the subject.
The point is that that dress shop would be a good investment for us.
Look, that might be fine and all of that.
The dress shop might be great, but it's out of the question.
Fred and I don't know anything about running a dress shop.
You don't have to run it, Ethel and I will.
Yes! You and Ethel Yeah.
(Fred and Ricky laughing) Oh, no! Well, I don't see what's so funny.
Women have good business brains, too.
I saved $7 on that dress I bought this morning.
And I saved $10.
What did you say? Uh, never mind, just keep on laughing at us.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
"Let's run a business!" Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha ha? Oh, honestly, Ethel, doesn't it make you sick that those husbands of ours can't see an opportunity like this? I don't even want to think about it.
Honest to goodness, such a darling shop.
Hello, Mrs.
Hansen.
Oh, Mrs.
Ricardo and Mrs.
Mertz, how are you? Hello.
Fine, but Ricky said I had to bring this dress back.
Well, that's all right.
Well, seeing it was on sale and everything, won't it foul up your bookkeeping? Oh, not at all, Mrs.
Ricardo.
You see, I never charge up my sales to you until at least a week after.
Oh.
That's nice.
We're sure going to miss you when you sell this store.
Yeah, we wanted to buy it ourselves, but our husbands wouldn't let us.
No.
Men have no business sense.
No.
You know, I'd like to buy it anyway just to prove that they don't know what they're talking about.
You know, that would be wonderful.
And it would practically pay for itself in no time.
Oh, no, no, it's out of the question.
It's too much money.
You're probably asking thousands of dollars for it.
Now, you'd be surprised how cheap it is.
I have a tremendous stock and a long lease and all I'm asking is $3,000.
$3,000? Is that all? That's all.
Uh, you'll excuse me just a moment.
Oh, Ethel, I can't stand it.
We can't let this opportunity go by.
Do you have an idea? Yes, how much money have you got? You always get that same idea.
Never mind, how much have you got? It doesn't matter, $3,000 is out of the question for us.
Now, listen, that's just her asking price.
I'll bet I could get her down to $1,500.
I'll bet you couldn't.
I'll bet I could.
Bet.
Now, where were we? Oh, yes, I was telling you the price, wasn't I? Well, frankly, Mrs.
Hansen $3,000, that's just too much money.
Uh I'm sure that was just your asking price.
You'd go a little lower, wouldn't you? I'm sorry.
Just a little bit lower? No.
Not a penny? No.
Ha, ha, ha! (laughing) What's so funny? I was going to offer you $1,500.
$1,500.
(all laughing) I'll take it.
Uh, just a moment, please.
Some customers.
WOMAN: Good afternoon, Mrs.
Hansen.
Good afternoon.
This is that marvelous shop I was telling you about, Grace.
Just wait till you see the goodies.
Oh, I can hardly wait.
Oh, Mrs.
Hansen, I'll take that divine striped dress you put away for me yesterday.
Fine.
Just imagine, Grace, And look at this cute little sweater.
How much is it? $49.
50.
I'll take it.
How much is this sweater? $20.
I'll take these two.
FIRST WOMAN: I'll take two myself.
May I try the dress on? Why, of course, right this way.
Come on, Grace.
Ethel, do you realize, she just took in $200? I know.
Listen, we've just got to get this place.
This is a gold mine.
Oh, but we don't even have the down payment.
Now, look, Mrs.
Hansen just made $200 in five minutes.
That's $2,400 an hour.
The store is open eight hours a day Do you realize we'll be making $19,000 a day? Wow! Mrs.
Hansen! Mrs.
Hansen, we'll take the store.
Oh! All right.
If only I had time to hold out for a fair price.
Fair! But I cannot stay here.
Mother needs me.
Your mother! Yes she's in the hospital and that $1,500 will just about pay for her operation.
Oh, well, Mrs.
Hansen, we don't want to take advantage of you.
Oh, well, let's make it $1,750.
Oh, bless you.
The difference in the money will just about pay the repairs on the car.
The repairs on the car? Yes, grandma had a wreck when she was taking mother to the hospital.
Oh, dear.
Oh, Lucy, let's make it 2,000.
No, let's make it 2,250.
Oh, thank you, thank you! Now, you mustn't think any more about money.
I'll get the house rebuilt somehow.
The house! It's a shambles since the fire.
Oh, dear, well, look, I- I-I can't have this hanging on my conscience.
Now, look, Mrs.
Hansen, you thought $3,000 was a fair price and that's what we'll pay you.
We'll get it back in no time at all.
Oh, you're the dearest, sweetest girls in all the world, and how do you want to handle the down payment? Uh, well, uh what did you have in mind? Money.
I mean, I've heard that 10% is usual.
That's $300.
Uh, would you, uh, take a check that's postdated a couple of days? Well, I don't know Well, you see, I have to transfer some of my assets in my other accounts.
Well, I guess that would be all right.
Good, I'll bring you a check this afternoon.
Partner? Partner.
Saks Fifth Avenue, look out! (bell tinkles) I think I'll take this adorable belt, too.
Never mind, they've gone.
Oh.
Deal set? All set.
You were just fine, and you can each have a scarf for helping me out.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
I had to wait for Ricky to leave before I could take the baby down to Mrs.
Trumbull.
How many sales did you make? None.
None! We've been open for an hour and a half.
So? So we've already lost $3,600.
Oh, Lucy, you can't expect to make $200 every five minutes.
Sometimes it'll be more, sometimes it'll be less.
Wait till the rush starts, then we'll make it up.
Yeah, well, I guess you're right.
Hey, you know, we ought to call all our friends and tell them that we bought this place.
Yeah.
Say, we're not going to keep on calling it Hansen's, are we? Oh, no, I guess not.
What do you want to call it? Oh, you think of a name.
Doesn't make any difference to me.
No, it doesn't matter to me either.
Well, then, I think it ought to be a combination of both our names, like "Ethelu's.
" "Ethelu's"? Well, that doesn't sound very good.
Why not? Well, it just doesn't have an easy flow, a nice, pleasing sound.
Well, what would you suggest? Well, something that rolls right off your tongue like "Lucyeth's.
" "Lucyeth's?" Well, that rolls right off your tongue, all right.
You couldn't keep it on your tongue if you tried.
Well, maybe we shouldn't try to be too cute.
Just use both our names and that's all.
Okay.
Well, it's settled, then: "Lucy and Ethel's Dress Shop.
" "Lucy and Ethel's Dress Shop"? Yeah.
Well, I think there ought to be a slight change.
What kind of a change? Well, like "Ethel and Lucy's Dress Shop.
" Why would you make a change like that? Well, just because I think "Ethel and Lucy's Dress Shop" sounds better to the ear.
Not to my ear it doesn't.
Well, you've got a tin ear.
Well, you're a big ham.
Who's a big ham? You are, you've always got to have your name first.
You're the one Ethel, Lucy, Ethel, Lucy, (bell tinkles) This is a pretty pickle.
We've been open two whole days and haven't seen a customer.
We've made five sales.
Yes, to each other.
And I think we should have investigated our credit before we opened those charge accounts.
Hey, there's Ricky and Fred.
Look.
Where? Oh! RICKY: I just don't get it.
Oh, isn't that a really darling Oh, hi! Oh, hi.
Don't worry, we didn't buy anything.
We're on our way home from the drugstore.
Do you want to go home with us? No, we got to do a little more shopping.
All right, see you later.
Okay.
Bye, honey.
You know, I don't understand it.
How can a guy be flat on his back three times and still get up and win? FRED: Maybe he had a sore back.
Where is everybody? I don't know.
Maybe the whole town's been evacuated, and they forgot to tell us.
What time is it, anyway? It's 3:00.
Here comes somebody- pretend you're a customer.
(bell tinkles) LUCY: Now, this is a lovely dress.
Oh, that's just darling.
Does it come in any other colors? Well, uh Oh, never mind, Ethel, it's Mrs.
Hansen.
Hello, Mrs.
Hansen.
Mrs.
Ricardo, your check bounced.
My check bounced! Like a rubber ball.
Well! I'll call that bank and give them a piece of my mind.
I've already called them.
Oh, you have? Uh, look, Mrs.
Hansen, now, you know who my husband is.
Now, there's no question about that check being good.
Then you won't mind if I call and ask him.
Uh, no, go right ahead.
Oh, but you won't be able to use our phone- it's out of order, isn't it, Ethel? Huh? Oh, yes, it's out of order.
Hello, hello? Dead as a doornail.
I'll call him from the drugstore.
Oh, Lucy, what are you going to do? Get my coat and purse.
(phone rings) Hello? Hello, Ricky? Ricky, this is Lucy.
How are you, dear? Fine.
Where are you? I'm downtown.
Uh oh, listen, honey, hang on a minute- don't hang up.
Where are you going? I'm going home.
Home? Yeah, and don't hang up this phone for five minutes.
Hi, dear.
What kept you so long? Well, I got here as soon as I could.
Well, what do you want? Well, hang up and I'll tell you.
Okay, good-bye.
What are you doing? Uh well, I was so close I thought I might as well come on home.
Oh well, what do you want, honey? Uh, well, I I was worrying about Little Ricky- how is he? He's fine.
He's been fine all day.
(phone rings) Uh, are you sure? I think I hear him crying.
I don't hear anything.
Oh, you'd better go see, dear.
All right, I'll go see.
Hello, Ricardos' residence, this is the maid speaking.
Mr.
Ricardo? Yes, he's here, but he doesn't speak any English.
You don't speak Spanish, do you? Oh, you do.
Oh, well, just a moment.
He's fine, honey, he wasn't crying.
Is the call for me? Uh yeah.
Yeah, it's one of my girlfriends and she's trying to help her daughter with some Spanish for school, and she thought maybe you could help her out.
Sure, what does she want to know how to say? Uh "The check is good.
" "The check is good"? Uh-huh.
That's a funny thing for a kid to know how to say.
Well, it's probably one of those sentences that they have to write out- you know, like "Do you have an umbrella?" "Do you have a match?" "The check is good.
" Oh.
You know, like that.
"The check is good.
" "El cheque esta bueno.
" Thank you.
That's all you wanted to know, wasn't it? Thank you, good-bye.
Esta bueno cheque.
No, no, no, el cheque esta bueno.
Esta esta check e beno, bueno.
El cheque esta bueno.
Esta bueno, esta bueno.
El cheque esta bueno Yeah, that's a very cute way of saying it.
Oh, boy, I got out of that one.
Lucy, while you were gone a man called up- a Mr.
Ralph S.
Boyer.
What did he want? Did he want to buy something? Yes.
What, a dress? No, he's interested in buying the store.
Buying the store! Yes, he's on his way over here now.
Oh, wonderful.
We'll use the same gag on him that Mrs.
Hansen used on us.
You know, about her grandmother that's been in a terrible accident.
Only this time we won't just talk about the grandmother.
What do you mean? You just stall him off.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
(humming loudly) (humming frantically) Here, wait a minute, Grandma, let me help you.
I'm going that way.
I'm going down there.
Oh, you're going this way.
You must have had a you must have had a a terrible accident.
Oh, it was awful.
Yes, it was a terrible thing.
I got all smashed up.
Somebody came at me from behind.
I'm going right here.
This is where I'm going.
Well, this shop is closed.
How's that? This shop is closed.
Closed? There's a note on the door here.
What does it say? It says, "Lucy, I've gone to Mr.
Boyer's bank with him to close the deal- Ethel.
" Oh, for heaven's sake, what's the matter with her? Is she crazy or something? She doesn't know how to take care of a deal.
Oh, I could kill her.
She can't add two and two.
What does she know about making deals? For heaven's sakes, oh Ethel! Lucy! Come here and help me get this off.
Help you get Oh, all right.
Now, where have you been? Lucy, you've got to come down to the bank and sign the papers.
I'm not going anyplace till I find out what this is all about.
He gave us $3,500.
I don't $3,500! Yippee! Oh, this is wonderful! That's $500 for us.
Oh, and our husbands think we don't know anything about business.
Oh, be my guest, I'll drive you to the bank.
Okay.
(Lucy singing gleefully) And that's for you, and that's for me.
That's 250 for you and 250 for me.
I'm just going to wave it at them when they come in.
Oh, I can't wait to see their faces when we show it to them.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! What a deal this could have been.
Yeah, two prize idiots.
Okay, Rick, you kick me and then I'll kick you.
What are you talking about? What's the matter? Well, you know that dress shop that you wanted us to buy? Yeah? Somebody just bought it in a deal.
How did you know about it? RICKY: Right here in the papers.
In the papers? Really? You know, it seems that they wanted to build a skyscraper in that block, and the only thing that was holding the deal up was the lease on that shop.
So a fellow by the name of Boyer bought it and sold it to the construction company for $50,000.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
wgbh.
org ANNOUNCER: The part of Mrs.
Hansen was played by Mabel Paige.
The two women shoppers were Kay Wiley and Barbara Pepper and the policeman was Emory Parnell.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
This is the CBS television network.