I Love Lucy (1951) s05e06 Episode Script


("I love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: And now, I Love Lucy.
(applause) (clamoring) (cheering) Look.
Look Oh, hi! Hi! Hi! (clamoring) Quiet, quiet, quiet, everybody.
On behalf of the entire neighborhood, welcome home.
Where's your mother? Oh, she's on her way home to Jamestown.
Look at the baby.
He's almost as big as I am.
Well, that's the California climate, you know.
Everything grows big around there.
(laughter) Yeah.
Look at Ethel.
Oh Ricky, Ricky, how does it feel to be a big movie star? Oh, what do you mean, a big movie star? Tell us all about it.
Well Oh, now, now, Mr.
Ricardo is tired, but I'm sure he'll tell us all about the trip at the party tonight.
The party? What party? Yes, yes, we all chipped in together and we're going to have a a Ricky Ricardo block party.
Well! A block party! Okay, we'll see you later, then, huh.
That's wonderful.
I'll see you later.
Thanks a lot, huh.
See you later.
Thanks for coming out to say hello.
See you later, huh.
Well, did you have any trouble managing the building? Not a bit.
Collect all the rent? Every penny.
Good girl.
Oh, there's just one thing, Mr.
Uh Yeah? We had a cold day a couple weeks ago and I turned the furnace on.
Aw, that's all right.
An-and I-I couldn't remember how you told me to turn it off.
You mean that furnace was on for two weeks? Gangway! Get out of the way! Well, gee, isn't that nice of them giving us a party tonight? Yeah, it is.
A block party, imagine that.
Hey, you know, I think I'll dazzle the whole neighborhood and wear my Don Loper original.
What are you gonna wear? My Gimbel's basement original.
Oh! ETHEL: Hi.
Oh, hi.
Mercy, mercy.
I haven't seen so much excitement around here since Lindbergh came home in '27.
(laughing) I want to thank you very much for cleaning our apartment, Mrs.
Well, it was Oh, shucks.
very nice of you.
Glad to do it.
Here's your paper.
Oh, you started our paper again.
Thank you.
No, it wasn't ever stopped.
Oh, no.
Mother forgot.
Well, it's a good thing, too, because I saved them all.
Now you can find out what happened in New York while you were gone.
Oh! Well, thanks very much.
They have papers in Hollywood, too, you know.
Not the New York Times.
Oh, that's true, that's true.
He fell asleep while I was changing his clothes.
Aw, poor little guy.
He was so tired.
I know.
Oh What's all this? (stammering): Uh, uh, m-m-m-uh Mrs.
Trumbull saved all the papers for us, dear.
Wasn't that nice? Wasn't your mother supposed to Yes, she was, but she didn't and Mrs.
Trumbull saved them.
Wasn't that nice, dear? Oh oh, yeah, yeah, very very nice.
Very nice, Mrs.
ETHEL: Well, Mrs.
Trumbull, did anything exciting happen in the apartment house while we were gone? Mm ETHEL: Mrs.
Trumbull? Anything wrong, Mrs.
Trumbull? Oh, no, no.
You sure? No.
It's just that I've never been this close to a movie star before.
(chuckling): Well You see, I used to be a Rudolph Valentino fan.
Now I'm a Ricky Ricardo fan.
Well, now, Mrs.
Trumbull, I am the same guy that I was before I went to Hollywood.
Say, doesn't he have those big shoe-button eyes, though? Oh, he sure does.
(chuckling) Boy, you could bake bread in here! Well, I I'll see you tonight at the block party, Rudolph.
Oh, I mean, oh Oh, well.
ETHEL (chuckling): Isn't she cute? LUCY: "Rudolph.
" What happened to her? The heat got her.
Two weeks in a hot building will do it every time.
Why did she call you Rudolph? 'Cause he looks like a red-nosed reindeer.
RICKY: No, no.
She thinks he's another Rudolph Valentino.
Hey, Ethel, let's call our of friends and have them come to the party tonight.
I don't want them to miss this.
ETHEL: Okay.
(clamoring) (clamoring continues) I live here! Sorry.
Oh! I thought they were gonna tear Ricky to pieces.
I didn't know he was that important.
Neither did I.
Where is he? We must have left him out in the hall.
(crowd clamoring) Oh! Oh, you poor thing! Honey, are you all right? What's the matter with those people? Are they crazy or something? No, no, they just wanted to touch you because you're a movie star.
Where's your coat, honey? Some woman just ripped it right off my back.
(gasps) I think Fred finally got it back from her.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
I'll go clean up.
Here, dear.
That's mine, honey.
Thank you.
See you later, Ricky.
(crowd murmuring good-bye) FRED: Let me in, will you? This is Fred.
Fred can't get in.
Let me in! Come on.
(crowd clamoring) Anybody want a souvenir? What's that? Well, it's what's left of Ricky's sport coat.
You mean they pulled it right out of your hands? Well, not exactly.
When I saw which way the wind was blowing, I capitalized on it.
What do you mean? Well, I mean, I grabbed it and tore it into pieces and sold them for four bits a pop! Why, Fred, you're kidding.
When it comes to money, he never kids.
See? Lucy, have you got any old coats or-or stockings or shirts or BVDs of Ricky's? I- I can handle all the merchandise you can give me.
No, no! What am I talking about? I got an old shirt of Ricky's that I've been using for a paint rag.
Oh, Fred, honestly.
Hey, this thing could be bigger than uranium! (clamoring) Oh (sighing) Well, isn't it wonderful having our own little group together again? It's so good to have you home, Lucy.
Well, it's wonderful to see all of you, and I'll bet you're just dying to hear about our trip.
(excited murmur) Well, it was just fabulous.
Did Ricky really hobnob with the stars? Oh, yes, we all hobnobbed.
We hobbed with every nob that was worth hobbing with.
It was just fabulous.
Right after we checked into our palatial suite at the Beverly Palms Hotel, we all decided to go out to lunch.
So, we all trooped over to the Derby.
Oh, you probably know it as the Brown Derby, but us show folk who eat there all the time, we just call it the Derby.
So as I was saying, we wanted some lunch, so we went over to the Derby and we sat in a booth.
Uh, let's see now, you were on the outside, Fred was in the middle, I was on this side, and we had Wasn't Ricky with you? How's that? Wasn't Ricky with you? No, no.
As I was saying, we'd only been there about five minutes when who Where was Ricky? Wh-What was that, dear? Where was Ricky? Oh, I don't know.
He was at MGM, I guess.
Oh, MGM! (all shouting excitedly) Meanwhile Meanwhile! Meanwhile, in another part of town, we were having lunch at the Derby and, as I was saying, we'd only been there about five minutes and who RICKY: Hi, everybody.
Ah, here's Ricky! (all clamoring) How was your trip, Ricky? RICKY: Oh, it was wonderful.
Thank you.
Is Hollywood as fabulous as they say it is? Oh, it's just great.
It's a wonderful place.
Ricky when does your new picture open? February.
That's right, February.
It's at the Radio City Music Hall on 49th That's right.
A musical, yeah.
Did you have did you have a lot of big love scenes in it? Yes, he did.
I'll tell you all about it, Mrs.
I'll tell you all about all the love scenes.
The funniest thing that happened is, uh when I met Bill Holden, you know.
(all oohing and aahing) Oh, I I I know Bill Holden! I know Bill Holden.
I know, I know (chattering) Roy, Roy, I knew Bill Holden.
I know Roy, Roy, I know I knew Bill Holden.
(chattering) dropped this thing on me.
And all of a sudden, I looked around, I said, "Who do you think the waiter was?" Bill Holden! (all shouting excitedly) We were there, too.
We have stories to tell.
Yeah, yeah.
Ricky? ETHEL: Yeah? Ricky? Tell them about Richard Widmark.
RICKY: Richard Widmark.
Nobody tells it like Ricky does.
Tell them, tell them.
No, Richard Widmark is my story.
RICKY: We had lunch Ferino's one day, you know, and, uh Here, this is a Richard Widmark grapefruit.
I got this grapefruit myself After that, we went over to the house out of his backyard.
RICKY: He has all these wonderful heads and things.
It says Richard Widmark right here.
RICKY: Of course, it's all very beautiful.
Beautiful big dogs right there.
He's really a wonderful guy, you know.
(chattering) Hi.
Is he awake yet? Who? Ricky.
We were gonna vacuum the hall, but we don't want to bother him.
Oh, go ahead, vacuum.
No, no, no, no, we don't want to wake him up.
Oh, we wouldn't do anything that would disturb him.
What's the matter with you two? I can understand those people last night, but why are you treating Ricky like he was made of cake or something? Oh, Lucy, he doesn't belong to us anymore.
He belongs to the world.
He's not an ordinary person.
He's a great big movie star.
Oh, movie star, phooey! Lucy, you go wash your mouth out with soap.
Oh, Ethel.
What's the matter with you two? Hi.
Good morning, Ricky.
ETHEL: Good morning, Ricky.
Allow me.
Thank you, Fred.
You're welcome.
ETHEL: Cigarette.
What's the matter with you two? Nothing.
Oh nothing.
I got to go downtown, honey.
Good-bye, dear.
Check on some uniforms.
See you later.
Good-bye, Ricky.
Good-bye, Fred.
I'm going to be right back, Fred.
I hope so.
Well, I'm disappointed in you.
Why? What do you mean? Letting him walk.
Aren't you afraid he'll get the soles of his shoes dirty? I'm surprised you didn't pick him up and carry him all the way downtown.
(phone ringing) Really! Well, it's Well It's different now.
Oh Yeah.
Hello? Oh.
Well, I'm sorry.
If you want an interview with Mr.
Ricardo, you have to call him at the Tropi Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, you want to do a story about me.
Well Well, that's that's wonderful.
Well, I'd be delighted, of course.
Yes, that's, that's wonderful.
That's, that's quite all right, yes.
Thank you.
Well, what do you know.
Nancy Graham's coming here this afternoon to do a column just about me.
She's gonna call it "The Lucy Ricardo Story.
" Oh, that's great.
Yeah, it's about time somebody realized that I'm important, too.
(doorbell buzzing) Mrs.
Ricardo? Yes.
Won't you come in, please? Thank you.
I'm Nancy Graham.
Oh, I know.
Won't you sit down? Thank you.
Care for some tea? No, thank you.
I have another interview this afternoon, so if you don't mind, we'll get right down to business.
I was born Lucille McGillicuddy in the thriving metropolis of Jamestown, New York, in 19 Oh uh I had a very happy childhood.
Uh, I graduated from Jamestown High School in Let's say I just graduated four years after I started.
After I left high school, I went to New York City, and Don't you take notes? Oh.
Yes, I do.
Now, tell me, when did you first meet Ricky Ricardo? Oh, that was years later.
After I left high school, I went to New York City Mrs.
, Mrs.
Ricardo Mrs.
Ricardo Yes? When did you first meet him? Himmmm? Well, I thought this was the Lucy Ricardo story.
Oh, it is- uh, from the time you met him.
Well, I had a very exciting life before I met him.
I'm sure you did, my dear, but you are only interesting to my readers as you reflect him.
Well, I thought you wanted to know something about her.
Ricardo, my dear, you obviously don't know what your husband really means to every one of the 160 million people in the United States.
and they would all love to be in your shoes.
Well, I-I don't understand.
Ricky went to Hollywood and made one picture, came back here, and suddenly the whole world is all Yes.
And they, and they'd all like to be in my shoes? That's right.
And I am one of them.
Ricardo, my dear.
What? You have been chosen for a very important task in life.
I have? Why, certainly.
It's up to you and you alone to make Ricky Ricardo happy.
You must see that his every wish is fulfilled, that his every waking hour is filled with happiness due to your love and devotion.
Why, Ricky Ricardo is no ordinary man.
He's something special.
Give him the attention he deserves.
Make him happy! I will! I will! Yours is a sacred trust.
Don't worry, I won't goof.
Now I must be going.
Well, what about your story? I have my story, and to think that it happened right here before my very eyes- the regeneration of a woman's character.
easier on their tear-stained pillows when they have read my article "Now I Am His Slave By Lucy Ricardo.
" (sighing) Good-bye.
A big crowd out in front, so Fred snuck me through the back.
Paper here, honey? Paper? Yes, I'll get it.
Oh, you sit down, dear.
You sit down.
Lucy, is something wrong? Are you sure? Everything's wonderful.
Hi! Oh, good morning, Fred.
You got any more Ricky souvenirs for me? No.
You picked me clean yesterday.
What smells so good? Are you roasting another pig? Yep.
Ricky's favorite food, and that's what Ricky's gonna get.
Mmm-hmm, that's what you ought to give him.
(rattling) What are you doing, shining his shoes? I certainly am.
He likes to be able to see his face in them, and so I shine them myself.
(whistling) Good morning.
Oh, hi, Rick, old pal.
Morning, darling.
Good morning.
There you are, sweetheart, and there's your orange juice.
No seeds.
All gone.
All gone.
That's it.
Here we are.
Want to close that, Fred, please? Sure.
Here we are, darling.
I want you to eat.
Here we are.
Here we are, sweetheart.
You gonna watch the football game on television today? Well, I I'd love to, Fred, but I have to go to Tropicana and get some music.
Oh, now, darling, you stay right here and watch that football game.
I'll go down and get your music for you.
Oh, honey, Tropicana's way downtown.
Now, there's nothing I'd rather do.
Now, Lucy Now, not another word.
I'll go right now, darling.
I don't mind at all.
Is there anything else I can get you while I'm downtown, dear? No, no, nothing at all, honey.
Nothing? All right, sweetheart.
Well, I don't get it.
I don't get it at all.
Why is everybody treating me like I was a perfect stranger- even you.
Have I changed? Nope.
Then why is everybody treating me like I was something special? Well, I don't know about the rest of them, but I got a pretty good gimmick going for me here, and I I don't want to louse it up.
Well, I should have known you had some kind of an angle.
But what about her? She shines my shoes, she answers my fan mail, sh-sh-she runs all my errands.
She follows me around like a, like a little puppy.
She thinks I'm a She's treating me as if I was a big movie star.
I want to be treated like a husband.
What an awful thing to say.
Now, look, Fred, I got to snap her out of it.
You got any ideas? Nope.
Getting Ethel to stop being nice to me is a problem I've never had to face.
Well, you wouldn't like it any more than I do.
Well, maybe Lucy will get tired of it.
I hope so.
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe I can help her get tired of it.
What do you mean? Well, she wants to do things for me, right? Yeah.
I'll give her things to do.
She thinks I'm a big movie star, right? Mm-hmm.
Well, I am going to become the biggest and most revolting movie star she has ever seen.
Ricky, I got your music, honey! Where are you? Coming! Lucy, where have you been? I have been dying for a cigarette.
Oh, uh I'm sorry, dear.
I I'm sorry I took so long.
There you are.
Traffic was terrible.
Really- an hour and a half.
Well, I'm sorry, dear.
My shoes shined? What? Are my shoes shined? Oh, yes yes.
I'll get them, dear.
Here they are.
See? There they are, Mm-hmm.
I can't be bothered with this music and lyrics all mixed up together.
Type up the lyrics all by themselves, please.
Yes, sir- I mean, certainly, dear.
Thank you.
Right now, please.
(typing) Lucy? Yes, dear? You didn't shine these shoes, did you? Oh, yes, I did, dear.
Why? Is something wrong? Well, I can't see my face in it.
You can't? Well, I saw mine.
Yeah, there I am.
See? Is it too much to ask that one's shoes be shined properly? No, dear.
Thank you.
The lyrics.
Don't forget the lyrics, please.
Right now? Yes, please, immediately.
How about the shoes, Lucy? I'm waiting for the shoes.
Well, honey, I'm typing.
Well, you have two hands, haven't you? Well, yeah, that's true.
(phone ringing) (ringing continues) Well? Oh.
Hello? (talking in rhythm with typing) Yes, this is the Ricky Ricardo residence.
Yes, I'll hang on.
Uh, Lucy? Yes, dear? My cigarette ashes are about to fall off.
Well, honey, there's a there's an ashtray right there.
(typing) I don't seem to be able to reach it.
Well, neither can I.
Well, uh, what do you want me to do with them? I don't care what you do with them! And I don't care whether your shoes are shined or not! And I don't care about your typing! And you can take care of your own music! Is that so?! Yes, that's so! What do you think of that?! And I'm not gonna lift a little finger to help you anymore! You can answer your own phone shine your own shoes, type your own lyrics, light your own cigarettes and knock off your own ashes! And if you want another roast pig, you can crawl in the oven yourself, you big ham! Oh, yeah? Yeah! What do you think of that?! I think it's just great! I don't care what you think.
You think it's just great? Yeah! You think I want to be treated like a star, "dun't" you? Well, "dun't" you? No, I don't.
Well, then, what are you doing all that stuff for? I just wanted to make you mad enough so you'd start fighting back.
(crying): Well oh Ricky! That that Nancy Graham said that I should fulfill your every wish.
Well, you been fulfilling my every wish for 15 years, sweetheart.
Oh, honey.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Mrs.
Trumbull was played by Elizabeth Patterson, Nancy Graham was played by Elvia Allman, Marge was played by Charlotte Lawrence, and others in the cast were Bennett Green, Eva June Mayer, Barbara Pepper and Roy Schallert.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.