I Love Lucy (1951) s05e21 Episode Script

Lucy in the Swiss Alps

"Lucy in the Swiss Alps" ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) (theme song ending) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) Hi.
Oh, Ethel, isn't that the greatest sight you've ever seen? Imagine having an Alp right outside your window.
Oh, Lucy, it's all so beautiful, it leaves me absolutely speechless.
Why did you have to louse it up, Lucy? That's the first time she's stopped talking since we've been married.
Oh, Fred, you haven't even looked out the window.
Haven't you any appreciation for beauty? What are you doing, Ethel, fishing for insults? Oh, Fred, now come on.
Isn't Switzerland the most breathtaking country you've ever been in? Well, I'll admit, the scenery around Steubenville, Ohio, is not as pretty as it is here in Locarno.
Locarno? Yeah.
(laughing): You don't even know where you are.
This is Lucerne.
Ethel, we're in Locarno.
No, Fred, we're in Lucerne.
Now, don't tell me.
After Paris, Ricky and the band were booked into Locarno.
It's right here on the schedule.
What does that say? Lucerne.
Now, put your glasses on.
You know you can't read without them.
And you're the one that sat on my glasses in Paris.
Lucy, does this really say "Lucerne?" Yes, Fred.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh! What's the matter? We're in Lucerne.
Yeah, we're in Lucerne, but I sent the whole band to Locarno.
What?! Fred, did you read that schedule without your glasses on? Yes, I read that schedule without my glasses on! Oh, Lucy, what are you gonna do with him? If you sent the band to Locarno, why did you buy us tickets for Lucerne? I didn't.
Ricky bought our tickets.
I had a headache and Oh, I'm getting out of here.
Why? I'm not gonna hang around here and explain this to Ricky.
Oh, for heaven's He'll punch me right in the nose.
Oh, he will not punch you in the nose.
Now, listen, all the times Ricky's been mad at me, he never once struck me.
Well, you're bigger than I am.
Oh, Fred.
Don't let that Latin temperament scare you.
Rick's bark is worse than his bite.
Don't tell me he bites, too.
Now, Fred, you've got to tell him sometime.
Well, I'll tell him all right, in a year or two.
No, sir, you're gonna go right in there and tell him now.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Ethel.
We'll help you, Fred.
We'll go in there and we'll get Ricky in a gay, happy, carefree mood.
And when he's sort of off his guard, we will laughingly let the bad news sneak in, huh? Well all right.
But what a way to go.
Come on, now, laugh it up.
Laugh it up now.
Gay, carefree, you know.
(laughter) Hi! Hi.
(laughing) Hey, what's with you? You're in good humor, huh? Yeah, we're all so happy to be here in Lucerne.
Isn't the scenery beautiful? Isn't the weather gay and carefree? Yeah, yeah, Lucerne is certainly everything everybody said it was gonna be.
It just makes you want to laugh out loud, doesn't it? I guess it kind of does, yeah.
LUCY: Yeah! (all laughing) Just think, the four of us, all together here in Lucerne.
(laughing) Yeah.
Just the four of us.
By the way, the band is in Locarno.
(laughing heartily) Yes, sir.
Fred sent them there by mistake.
(laughing harder) The the band is in Locarno? Yeah! (laughing uncontrollably) You're fired! (Ricky laughing hysterically) Fired? Yeah, fired.
What kind of a band manager are you anyway? You can't fire Fred right here in the middle of the Swiss Alps.
Oh, I can't, huh? What are you gonna do, get a Saint Bernard to manage the band? He could do better than Fred.
(phone dialing) The band is in Locarno.
Mira, que tiene cosa Hello? I want some information, please.
Have you got a train from Locarno to Lucerne? All right.
How long does it take? Four hours? I want to send a wire right away.
To the Ricky Ricardo Band.
Where are they? I told them to meet us at the American Express office.
That was clever.
Hello? At the American Express office in Locarno, that's right.
Here's the message: "Mistake in booking.
"Take the next train to Lucerne.
Signed, Ricky.
" Right.
Thank you very much.
There, now, you see how simple it is? Everything's gonna be all right, huh? All right, you're not fired, but that band better get here.
For heaven's sake, Ricky, you can't stay in this room all day worrying.
I can't help it.
I'm nervous.
If the band doesn't get here, I have to cancel the show.
Well, at least stop pacing.
When I'm nervous, I pace.
Well, do your pacing outside.
Let's go climb a mountain or something.
I'm not in a climbing mountain mood.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
(knock at door) Come in.
Rick, our troubles are over.
What happened? What do you mean? In case the band doesn't get here on time, Yeah? I lined up a local outfit that'll play with you tonight.
They're right outside.
A local outfit? Yeah.
Are you kidding? How can a Swiss band play Latin rumbas? Well, they've been practicing for an hour.
Oh, Fred Oh, come on, honey, at least you can listen.
Please, try it, Rick.
They're musicians and music is the universal language.
They can play anything.
Well, all right, all right.
Oh, goody, goody.
Hey! Come on in, fellas! Come on.
Guten tag, guten tag.
Guten tag.
All right, fellas, "La Cucaracha.
" Give them the beat, Rick.
One, two Try eins, zwei.
Eins, zwei? Ja.
Eins, zwei.
(playing oom-pah version of "La Cucaracha") (song ends) That is not "La Cucaracha.
" No? No.
Das is not "La Cucaracha.
" Es ist nicht "La Cucaracha"? Nein, das sounds more like der "Schnitzelbank.
" A "Schnitzelbank.
" Gewiss! (band playing "Schnitzelbank") What are you doing? Here they are.
I'm getting out our hiking outfits.
We are going to climb a mountain.
I am not gonna let you sit around here all day worrying.
No, I'd better hang around here.
What for? You can't rehearse without the band, and they can't possibly get here until tonight.
Now, come on, honey, it'll do you good.
Well where's Fred and Ethel? They're out renting some outfits, and the hotel's packing us a great big fat lunch.
Now, come on, hurry up and change.
ETHEL: Ah-yodel-lay-hee, a lay-hee-oh Yodel-lay-he, oh, yodel lay-he a- lady-oh, lady-ah.
(laughing) (Lucy starts laughing) Well, what are you laughing at? Didn't you ever see Swiss mountain climbers before? Oh, Fred, those are not mountain-climbing outfits.
You look like you came out of a Swiss clock.
(laughing harder) I got it, honey! Be careful now.
Watch your footing there.
LUCY: Okay.
Come on.
Here, honey.
There we go.
Up we go.
Oh! Yeah! Boy, we made it! Isn't it beautiful? Oh, honey, why did I forget my camera? Come on, Fred! I'm coming.
Come on, boy.
You need any help? Here you go.
Come on, Ethel.
Ethel! Where's Ethel? Ethel! Ethel! ETHEL: I'm coming, I'm coming.
Come on, honey! Honey, give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
Here you go.
Give me yours.
Come on.
(grunting) What happened to you, Ethel? Oh, I untied the rope.
I got tired of him yanking on me.
I was scared to death when I didn't find you on the end of that rope.
Really, honey? Were you afraid you'd lose me? I'll say.
That outfit you're wearing is rented.
All right.
Oh, honey, look how thrilling! Isn't it beautiful, honey? I'm sure glad you talked me into coming.
I feel better already.
ETHEL: Look down there! Look how high up we are! FRED: Isn't it wonderful? Hey, is anybody hungry? Oh, I am.
I'm starved.
LUCY: Me, too.
Listen, it looks like it might snow.
You think it'd be better if we go to that shelter that we passed on the way over here and eat there? Oh, no, honey, it's so beautiful.
Let's eat our lunch here on top of the world.
ETHEL: Yeah.
We may never get another chance like this.
Come on.
We can? Sure.
Let's eat it right here.
Oh, boy, I can't wait ETHEL: Oh, boy, that was good.
Wasn't that lunch good? (shrieks) Gee, this high altitude sure gives me an appetite.
What's your excuse at sea level? Oh Fred.
Well, they certainly make man-size sandwiches at that hotel, don't they? Hey, look, Rick, snow! Oh, it is! Yeah.
We'd better start back.
Oh, yeah, let's get going.
But isn't this beautiful? It sure is.
ETHEL: Uh-huh.
Oh, fellas! It's really snowing.
Here, honey.
Start tying up.
Can I help you? Can I get down down first? Here, Ethel.
All righty.
I'll just carry it.
With that lunch you packed away, I doubt if there's enough rope left to go around you.
Oh, there's enough.
There's enough, don't worry.
Be sure there is.
I don't want to lose you again.
RICKY: Oh, it's really coming down now.
Whoo, it's coming down! I'll go first, huh? RICKY: Come on, everybody, mush! Mush? Mush! Mush? ETHEL: Whoo, boy! Oh, this is a blizzard now.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, what a nice little place! It's a nice little cabin, Ricky.
Yeah, it's chilly in here.
I wonder if we can get this old stove started.
Oh, big shot- now that he isn't the landlord, he's gonna turn on the heat.
(laughs) There's no wood around here.
Oh, well, we don't need a fire.
We're gonna leave as soon as it stops snowing.
Oh, it's really coming down now.
Look at that! LUCY: What? There's a big cliff of snow hanging right over the cabin.
Oh, honey, you think that's dangerous? No, I don't think so.
(whistles) Fred, don't do that.
What's the matter with you? Well, I thought one of those Saint Bernards might be going by.
I could use a shot of brandy.
(whistling) Will you stop that! Come in here and close the door.
All right.
For heaven's sake.
Now, don't make a sound.
What's the matter, honey? All that snow hanging over our head- a loud noise will cause an avalanche.
(chortling) It's true- I read it in a book.
And you remember that picture Seven brides For Seven Brothers? Yeah, that's right.
Somebody shot a pistol and it caused a great, big avalanche.
Now, don't anybody move.
You don't have to stand around looking like statues.
Just act natural, you know? Well okay, All right.
but don't make any sharp noise.
Not even a sneeze.
Whatever you do, don't sneeze.
Oh, Lucy, why did you have to say that? You know the power of suggestion.
Now we'll all have to sneeze.
Oh, Ethel, just because I said don't sneeze, four people are suddenly gonna Aah aah Easy.
Aah Oh.
Must be the dust in here.
(loud sneeze) What Oh, wow, that was close! (door slams) (loud rumbling) (screaming) Oh, Fred! An avalanche! Fred! An avalanche! An avalanche! Shh-shh-shh It's okay, honey.
It is! (panicked shouting) It's all right, honey.
Oh! (rumbling subsiding) Oh ETHEL: Oh Phew! Oh, honey It's all right, dear.
(crying) Honey, let me see if I got a match, honey.
Let me see, wait a minute.
(wailing) That's all right, dear.
See- let's see, wait a minute.
Let me see if I can get the lamp.
Get a light here.
There we go.
Let me get the door.
Uh-oh, I can't open the door.
LUCY: Oh, the snow is in front of the door! It's all down in front of the door! Over close to Rick now.
RICKY: One, two, three.
At the same time.
One, two, three! Oh! Harder.
One, two, three! Ow! Now wait a minute, it's no use.
It's no use.
The door Must be a lot of snow in there.
How about the window, Rick? The window! Yeah.
Too small.
Even if we could open it, we couldn't get out there.
There's all snow in front of it, too.
All down in front of the window, too.
Well how'd they get out in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers? They waited for the spring thaw.
Oh, great.
Well, I wouldn't mind that if we had five more brides.
Fred, this is no time to be funny.
No! What's gonna happen to us? Now, now, honey We're all gonna freeze to death.
That's what's gonna happen to us.
Now Oh, what a horrible fate, trapped under tons and tons of snow! Now, dear Somebody will come along and dig us up.
Yeah, next spring.
Next spring! Now, now, now, now, now, now Look, now, listen to me, you two.
Don't panic now.
(bawling) Don't panic! The first thing we got to do, the main thing we got to do is got to figure a way to get out of here.
After all, I got a show to put on tonight.
(Ethel gasps) How can you think about a stale show when we're all about to be turned into human popsicles? Well, don't pick on me.
You were the one who slammed the door.
Yes, and you were also the one who sneezed.
Yeah, and you were also the one that had the hot idea about going mountain climbing.
Oh, well, so I did a few wrong things.
I wasn't the only one.
We wouldn't be here in the first place if Fred hadn't bungled and sent the band to the wrong place.
She's right.
This is all your fault.
Is that so? Is that so?! Oh, what a dumb- bunny trick! It's your fault.
You're the one that sat on my glasses.
My fault? Yes! Well, actually, the whole thing is Ricky's fault.
My fault? Yes.
If you hadn't left Cuba and come to America, we wouldn't have gotten married and we wouldn't be in Switzerland in the first place! Mira, que tiene cosa Oh, never mind all that Spanish! Mira, que tiene cosa, my foot! (all talking over each other) I'm always blamed for everything.
All right, now, wait a minute now.
Wait a minute, fellas.
Settle down.
This is no time to quarrel.
The four of us are gonna spend the rest of our life together- what's left of it.
You're right, Ethel.
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm sorry I blamed you.
Well, I'm sorry I said your show was stale.
That's all right.
Fred, I'm sorry I called you a dumb bunny.
And I'm sorry you're so fat, you broke my glasses.
Oh, Fred! Just a minute, everybody, please, now.
We have to concentrate.
We have to use our brains.
Well, now, let me see.
You stay out of this.
Well, I got a good idea.
What? Why don't we look up the stovepipe? If we can see the sky, we know it's not too bad.
Hey, she really has got an idea.
How about that? You know, I knew if I waited long enough, you would come up with one.
Thank you.
Okay, Rick? Let's see, what do we do? Just take that elbow out.
Just knock it right down.
Yeah, right down.
Oh, yeah.
It's a good thing it isn't hot, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, you LUCY: Oh! Oh! Oh, honey! Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Oh, it seemed like a good idea, baby.
Well, you might not have much time left, but you're sure going out true to form.
Dear, well, did you see any sky? No, I didn't see any sky! Oh, baby FRED: Well, what do we do now? We'll just have to wait here until somebody comes and digs us out, I guess.
LUCY: Oh Gee, It's been five hours already.
How much longer is it gonna be? I don't know, but there's nothing we can do about it.
You think anybody knows where we are? Well, there must be.
The people at the inn knew we come up here.
Well, they'll probably find us.
How can they under all this snow? It may take days or even weeks.
Weeks? Yeah.
Oh, I can't go that long without food.
I'm hungry already.
Me, too.
Well, we haven't got any food.
ETHEL: Not even one little crumb? RICKY: No! You wanted to eat on top of the mountain.
You said, "We want to eat on top of the world.
" So you ate on top of the world.
Now we got no food, so forget about the food.
Just forget it.
We haven't got it.
ETHEL: Kind of a tough thing to do to forget about food.
Well, what are you gonna do? (crackling) What was that? What was what? I didn't hear anything.
I didn't neither.
Oh, fine, now I'm beginning to hear things.
(crackling) There it goes again.
I heard it, too.
I didn't hear anything.
Maybe it's the ice breaking.
Maybe it's the ice breaking, yeah.
That sounded like paper rustling.
FRED: Well, it's probably a mouse.
Yeah, a mouse.
ETHEL: Well That's all we need now.
ETHEL: I smell cheese! FRED: So do I! Me, too! It's that mouse! He brought his own cheese! Well, I want some of it.
So do I! A pretty smart mouse.
He brought his own mustard, too.
Lucy, what you got under your coat? Nothing! Nothing! Lucy, what you got under your coat? Nothing! Come on! Oh, it's mine.
A sandwich! It's mine, it's mine! I want a bite of it! No, no, it's mine.
You had yours.
Well, give me a bite of it! No, it's mine.
Fred, let's take it away from her! No, it's my sandwich! Just a minute, just a minute.
She's right.
We ate ours.
It's her sandwich.
So there.
Besides, it'll be better this way.
One of us will be alive and strong.
When the rescuers get here, they can tell how brave we were till the end.
Well, it is mine.
Of course it's yours, honey.
You have every right in the world to go ahead and eat your sandwich- even though we're standing here in front of your eyes, starving to death.
(whimpering) (whimpering) Oh, all right, I'll divide it.
Oh, Lucy, I knew you would.
Gee, thanks.
Oh, boy, is that good.
ETHEL: Mmm Oh, dear.
They're never gonna get us out of here.
Now, honey.
She's right.
We're doomed.
Now, don't talk that way.
Gee, I wouldn't believe the end would be like this.
I'm too young to go.
So am I.
(Lucy and Ethel crying) Now, get ahold of yourselves.
Get ahold of yourselves.
If this is it and I've got to go, I want to go with a clear conscience.
Fred, I've got a confession to make to you.
Well, what is it, honey bunch? You remember when we were married, I said I was 18? Yeah.
I was 19.
I got something to tell you, too.
What? You were 24.
Oh While we're on the subject, I got a confession to make to you.
What's that, Fred? Well, Rick, I've been charging you ten dollars a month more rent than anybody else in the building.
I got another confession to make.
Every month I gave them back the ten dollars.
Oh, boy, if I thought I was gonna get out of here alive, would I let you have it? Ricky, don't you have a confession to make? Not me- I'm no fool.
We might be saved.
Well, I got a confession to make.
What's that, honey? I got another whole sandwich in my knapsack.
Well, you know, now that I think about it, I do have a confession to make.
What? While you were taking a nap, we ate your sandwich.
Oh, what a dirty trick! We saved you a quarter, though.
Well, what's three quarters of a sandwich between us and eternity? That's true.
Shh! I hear something.
What kind of something? I hear music.
Some strange, far-off music.
Uh-oh, maybe we're closer to eternity than we think.
I hear it, too.
So do I.
Good, at least we're all going the same place.
I don't hear anything.
That figures.
Hey, now I do.
Yeah! (faint music playing) Oh, that's a band! Yes, it's band music.
We're in here! They're coming! Here we are! (Fred whistling) We're in here! Don't go away! We're in here! Here we are! (band playing jaunty tune) (all shouting excitedly) Fred, the band! (all shouting happily) RICKY: Bravo! Wonderful! Honey! How did you find us? Oh, when you didn't come back to the hotel, we got worried.
Ja, ja.
It was only few feets of snow.
Only a few feet of snow? You didn't have to dig for a long time? No, no, no, no.
How do you like that? Herr Ricardo, may we have another chance? We have been practicing all afternoon the "Cacarucha.
" Sure, listen, I'm so happy to see you, I don't care what you sound like.
You got the job.
Oh, wunderbar! Playing there together! (playing oompah version of "La Cucaracha") Very good, very good.
(orchestral version of "La Cucaracha" playing) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.