I Love Lucy (1951) s05e22 Episode Script

Lucy Gets Homesick in Italy

"Lucy Gets Homesick in Italy" ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) (theme song ending) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) (sighs) Well! Fred, are you sure this is the right hotel? Well, the sign said "Hotel Grande.
" Well, it is kind of picturesque.
Why did you bring us to this picturesque dump? So it's not the Astor.
And as long as I am Ricky's band manager, I'm supposed to save money.
Well, that's right, Fred, so ring for Conrad Hilton.
Oh, my goodness.
(rings bell) Boy, I sure hope our mail catches up with us.
I haven't heard from Mother in two weeks.
Well, Ricky has gone around to pick up the mail at the American Express office.
He'll probably bring you a whole slew of it.
Oh, he'd better.
Today is Little Ricky's third birthday.
I don't even know if he got my birthday presents or not.
Oh, he'll get the presents all right.
I mailed them a couple weeks ago.
Oh, brother, if you mailed them, he'll be lucky if he gets them for his 23rd birthday.
Will you get off of my back? Where is everybody? Even the owner won't stay around this old trap.
Ah, just a minute.
It may be a little old, but it's cheap.
Well, that makes two of you.
(rings bell) Buon giorno.
Buon giorno.
How are you? Hello.
Good morning.
Hi.
I'm Fred Mertz.
I wired for reservations.
Hey, Signore Mertz, I'm Signore Nicoletti.
Welcome to the Grande Hotel.
Thank you.
Are our rooms ready? Eh, si, signora LUCY: Fine, fine.
Shine, signore? Not now, kid, not now.
Eh! Che ti ho detto! Va via! Aw, he's cute, isn't he? Yeah! Well, let's take a look at our rooms.
All right.
Scusi, scusi, signora, she's a no work.
Who's a no work? Elevator- she's a no work.
She's a bust.
The whole idea of coming here, she's a bust.
All right, all right.
How far? She's a four flight up.
Four flights! Mmm, come, come.
Okay.
Oh, boy, some hotel! And here she is, the best room in the hotel- the bridal suite.
Hey? How you like, eh? Hey, come up, come up.
Just one more flight.
Come up, come up! LUCY: Oh, they're kidding with this four flights.
Oh, I can't believe this.
ETHEL: We climbed an Alp last week, and it wasn't this bad.
That elevator, she's a no bust, she's a pooped.
The very best place in the hotel- the bridal suite.
The bridal suite.
I hope the people around here marry while they're young.
Where's our room? She's one flight upstairs.
One flight up! What did you give us- the bridal suite for mountain goats? Come on, Ethel.
No, you go ahead.
I got to stay at this level for a while or I'll get the bends.
Be, be, if you need anything, just call me up, eh? Don't forget.
Grazie.
Thank you very much.
Well, guess I'll take a look at that wonderful view he was talking about.
LUCY: Oh, it is pretty out there.
Hi! (panting) You can say that again.
What's the matter with Fred? Is he crazy or something? No, he's trying to save money.
Did you get the mail, honey? Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Anything for me? Yep.
(groans) (loud thud) What's this? A box springs without springs? We got four letters from Mother! Oh, good.
Now, which one was mailed first? Ethel, you ought to see our room.
There's a flock of pigeons right outside the window.
Those aren't pigeons up there, they're angels.
Here.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, dear! RICKY: What's the matter, honey? Little Ricky has a bad cold and Mother has kept him out of nursery school for three whole days! Well, honey, you know how kids are.
They all get colds.
He'll be all right.
You sound just like a father: "They all get colds.
He'll be all right.
He'll be all right.
" Oh, wonderful! What does that letter say? Says he's all right.
See? Fred, here's a letter from Mrs.
Trumbull.
Well, that was nice of her to write.
Well, let's see what she has to say.
She collected the rents for last month.
Good girl! And she says the furnace broke down last Monday and there was no heat all week.
(chuckling) "The repairman finally fixed it yesterday and I'm enclosing the bill.
" (wry chuckle) $118.
00! Is she off her nut? Oh, now, calm down, scrooge.
It's cold in New York.
She's got to keep the tenants warm.
It would have been cheaper to send them all to Florida for the winter.
$118! That old doll is off her (loud thud) (thudding) You're in luck, you got a soft one.
Oh, dear! RICKY: What's the matter now? Mother doesn't say a thing about the birthday presents we sent.
Well, you know how your mother is.
She always forgets to tell you things.
Oh, no, honey, she wouldn't forget to tell me that.
He just didn't get them, the poor little thing.
Fred, are you sure you mailed those birthday presents? Yes, I'm sure I mailed those birthday presents! Poor baby, all alone in New York on his birthday, no birthday presents.
He'll think nobody loves him.
Oh, now, honey, come on.
Hey, I tell you what.
We'll call New York and you can talk to him.
Right now, honey? Sure.
Oh, thank you! Where's the phone? I saw one downstairs in the lobby.
Downstairs? Come on.
Let's put the call through right now.
I'll see you later, honey.
Okay.
You know something? It's a lot easier coming down these steps than going up.
Long distance, please.
Long distance? No, long distance.
Long-a distanza.
I want to make a long-distance call.
Oh.
They're switching me to an operator that speaks English.
Hello? Hello, long distance? This is Mrs.
Ricky Ricardo.
I'd like to place a collect call to New York City, New York.
It's in New York! New York City in New York State in the United States.
New York, New York.
Well, just a minute, please.
She doesn't get a word I'm saying, and she's supposed to understand English.
What'll I do? Let me try it.
You?! Never mind.
Hello, operator, Mrs.
Ricardo would like to place a telephone call to New York City.
Murray Hill 5, 9-0-9-9.
This is Palacio, 2-9-0-5.
Thank you.
Didn't have any trouble understanding me.
Just my luck, I'd have to get an operator in Italy who studied English in Cuba.
Never mind.
What was that? Yeah, oh, fine.
Thank you very much.
What? She said she'll call you back in 20 minutes.
Oh.
Come on, let's unpack.
Okay.
Oh Up we go.
Come on, honey, hurry up.
I'm all out of breath.
(panting) NICOLETTI: Signora Ricardo! Il telefono! Telefono! Telefono! She must have put the call right through.
Come on.
Oh Thank you.
Hello hello? What? What's the matter? It's the operator.
What'd she say? She said, "What is that number again?" Oh, no! Murray Hill 5, 9-0-9-9.
Yes.
How long will it be? Thank you.
She doesn't know.
Oh, dear, come on.
NICOLETTI: Signora Ricardo! Telefono! Mamma mia! Ay-ay-ay! All right! (hoarsely): Don't you want to talk to the baby? Sure, sure.
Well, come on.
Hello? Oh, I see.
Well, thank you very much.
There's a one-hour delay.
Ooh, oh, no! Come on, honey.
Come on.
My legs won't make it.
Yeah, come on, baby.
We can rest now for a while.
(loud thud) Ay-ay-ay! NICOLETTI: Signora Ricardo, il telefono! Il telefono, Signora Ricardo! Oh, no, no, no, no! Just ask him what it is, will you? Ask him what's the matter.
What's Who is it? It is me, Signore Nicoletti.
Oh, dear.
I know that.
Who's on the phone? It's the operator.
What does she want? The operator, she say there is a line open.
You can get your call in just a couple of minutes.
Well, when it comes through, will you call me? Si, signora.
Okay.
Grazie.
That's good.
Grazie.
(groans) (huffing) Gee, I'm too nervous.
I'm going downstairs and wait, honey.
He said it ought to be a couple of minutes.
Holler when you get him.
I will.
I've got to get unpacked and changed.
Yeah.
Buon giorno.
Buon giorno.
Pronto! Tetere.
Due-quattro-sei-nove.
Bellisimo.
Pronto.
Con chi parlo? E cosa avete mangiato di buono Saluta mi a coco.
Qui, c'e una signora che credo che vuol usare il telefono.
Ma ci richiamo, va bene? Si, va bene.
Arrivederci, caro.
Vuol usare il telefono, signora? Uh, well, I, uh Be, be, si no vuol usare, se lo uso io.
Oh, uh, yeah, well, yeah, I'm going to use it.
Eh, operator, I'd like Palacio, 8000.
Hello? I'd like to speak to Benjamin Franklin, please.
Hello, Ben.
Hi! What's new? You don't say! Well, well, lightning, huh? Well! Oh, boy, that's a good one.
Ha, ha, ha, ha! (phone rings) Hello? Just a minute.
Me no speak Italiano.
Uh E per me, grazie, grazie.
I guess so.
Pronto.
Eh, cosa vuoi? Questa signora mi sta sempre alle spalle.
Non si voleva dare torno.
Si.
E una testarina rossa.
Una Americana pazza.
Pero quando vieni, sai, mi lo fai sapere? Va bene, si.
Allora, aspetto una vostra telefonata, non e vero? Brava.
E dimmi, sta bene? Va bene Va bene, si.
Allora, cara, aspetto un tuo telefono.
Va bene.
Ciao, ciao.
Arrivederci.
Ciao, ciao.
(phone rings) Hello? Yes, operator, this is Mrs.
Ricardo.
All right, I'll hold on.
Ricky! Ricky! Yes? Come on, I'm getting him.
Bring the Mertzes.
Okay! Shine, signora? Hey, you come back again.
Va via! Va via! Got him? Not yet.
Shh, quiet now.
Hello? Hello? Hello, Mother? Who is this? It's Lucy, I'm in Italy.
I'm calling from Florence.
Oh.
Hello, Florence.
No, Mother, it isn't Florence, it's Lucy.
It's Lu MRS.
McGILLIDCUDDY: Lucy? Yes.
Oh.
Well, how are you, dear? I'm fine.
Mother, you sound sleepy.
I am, dear.
It's 5:00 in the morning.
Oh, my goodness, I forgot the difference.
It's 5:00 in the morning there.
Oh, Mother, I'm sorry I woke you up.
I called to wish the baby a happy birthday.
Well, dear, I'll wake him up.
Oh, no.
No, Mom, don't do that.
He he'd be so sleepy.
Is he all right? Yes, dear, he's fine.
Did he get the presents I sent him? Yes, they're all here waiting for him.
Oh, wonderful.
He got them.
Oh, good.
Well it's nice talking to you, Mother.
Will you kiss the baby for me? And kiss him for Aunt Ethel and Uncle Fred.
And give him a kiss for Aunt Ethel and Uncle Fred.
And a big one from Daddy.
And a big hug and kiss from Daddy.
Hold it a minute, Lucy, while you got New York on the line, will ya? Hello, Mrs.
McGillicuddy? This is Fred Mertz.
The furnace working all right? Yes, it's nice and warm here.
At 5:00 in the morning?! Fred, Fred, this is very expensive, you know.
I want you to tell Mrs.
Trumbull Fred, from this second on, you're paying for the call.
Good-bye! Well, honey, how about that? He got the presents and he's fine.
What's the matter, honey? You should be happy.
I didn't get to talk to him.
Why didn't you let her wake him up? Oh, I couldn't do that.
He'd he'd be so sleepy, he wouldn't understand or anything.
But I did so want to talk to him.
Oh, honey Well, look, why don't you call him a few hours later, and then you talk to him.
I can call him again? Sure.
Honey, when you call him, will you tell him I'm sorry I won't be able to be here.
I got to go to rehearsal.
Oh, you have, honey? Gotta give him a big kiss for me, eh? Yeah, I will, baby.
Okay, I gotta go right now.
The boys are waiting.
Oh, too bad.
All right, I'll tell him, honey.
Thanks for letting me call him.
Shine, signora? Shine? Well, yes, all right.
(phone rings) Oh, excuse me.
I think this is my call.
Hello? Oh, yes, operator.
Yes, thank you.
Hey, you come back again! I told you get out! Go out on the street.
Wait just a minute.
Come here, sonny.
Come here.
Thank you.
I'll have my shine a little later.
Grazie, signora.
It's all right.
Signora, you make a big mistake.
You give the boy the money.
He no come back no more.
Oh, well, that's all right.
That's okay.
Fine.
Thank you.
Hello? Hello, Mother? Lucy, is that you? Yes, Mother, it's me.
Where are you, dear? I'm still in Italy.
May I talk to the baby, please? Oh, he's not here.
Not there! Well, it's 9:00 there, isn't it? Yes, I just got back from taking him to nursery school.
Oh, dear.
I wanted to talk to him.
Oh, Lucy, you never told me you were gonna call back.
I know.
He'll be home at 1:00.
Why don't you call then? Oh, no, Mother, I can't.
It's too expensive.
Well uh, you kiss him for me, won't you, Mother? Yes, I will, dear.
Good-bye, Mother.
Good-bye, Lucy.
Good-bye.
(crying) (knock at door) Come in.
Well, hello.
I come a back.
I give you shoeshine you pay for.
Well, that's very nice of you.
Come on.
Why you cry, signora? Well, I'm lonesome for my little boy back in America.
It's his birthday today, and I'm just lonesome for him.
Aw! I'm sorry.
You know, he looks something like you.
Si.
Of course he's much younger.
I used to be younger.
My little boy will be three years old today.
Hey! You want to know something? Today, she's a my birthday, too.
It is? Si.
Well, how old are you? Eight-and-a-half.
Eight-and-a-half! I mean, nine.
I forget.
Oh.
What's your name? Giuseppe.
Do you like candy, Giuseppe? Oh, si, signora, very much.
Well, look, since I can't be with my little boy today is it all right if I celebrate your birthday with you? Oh, si! Okay.
Happy birthday, Giuseppe.
Oh, grazie, signora.
And then he said, "It's a my birthday today, too, signora.
" Isn't that amazing? Not half as amazing as the fact that you fell for it.
Oh, Fred, you're such a cynic.
Don't pay any attention to him.
He thinks everybody in the world thinks just like he does.
(knock at door) Come in.
Well, hello.
Signora, this is my cousin Theresa.
She's a her birthday today, too.
Well, that's wonderful.
Congratulations, Theresa.
Would she like some candy? Cioccolato? Si, si! Well, isn't she cute? Hello, Theresa.
I'm Ethel Mertz.
She doesn't know what I'm talking about, does she? No, she doesn't.
Happy birthday, Theresa.
Well, what have we here? Signora, this is my friends Antonio and Maria.
She's a her birthday, too.
Oh, my, what a coincidence.
Well, happy birthday.
Grazie.
Happy birthday.
Giuseppe! All right, everybody in.
Well! Signora, this is Tulio.
She's a I know, she's a their birthday today, too, eh? How you know? Oh, a little bird told me.
Okay, cioccolata for everybody in the house.
Apparently, everybody in town! Ah, yeah.
Come over here and I'll give you some cioccolata.
There we are.
LUCY: Cioccolata.
Happy What is this? It's just everybody's birthday today.
What?! I'll explain later.
Hey, I got an wonderful idea.
I'm gonna have a party for Little Ricky right here in Italy.
You tell the kids to wait here.
Come on.
We've got some shopping to do.
ETHEL: Oh, okay.
You mean ice cream and things like that? Andiamo subito a prendere il gelato.
(children cheering) (party horns blowing) Quiet, everybody! Quiet! Quiet, quiet now! Because it's your birthday, everybody gets a present.
Tutti avremo un regalo! (children cheering) Well, all right, happy birthday.
Everybody gets a present.
Happy birthday.
Oh, I wish I could speak Italian.
Just so they get a gift, they understand.
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
Everybody get one? Happy birthday.
Uh, and here's yours, Giuseppe.
Here's yours.
Ooh! Mamma mia! (whistles) (children oohing and aahing) Oh, you like, you like? I'm sorry, signora.
I no can take them.
Why not? She's a not really my birthday.
It isn't? Well, my goodness.
She's a no their birthday, too.
They just say for candy.
Oh, well Dare tutto, non e la nostra nascita.
(children groan) No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! What's the matter? LUCY: What's the matter? Hey, what do you know? Today, she's a really is her birthday.
Wow! Oh, that's all right, sweetheart.
You just keep it.
Now, that's your gift and you keep it.
And because it's Theresa's birthday, you can all keep the gifts.
RICKY: Honey! Honey, hurry up! I got a surprise for you.
What? Where? I got little Ricky on the phone Oh, honey! downstairs.
Come on.
Come on, Fred Ethel.
Hello? Yes? Yes, this is Mrs.
Ricardo.
Put them on.
Hello, baby? Hi, honey, happy birthday! Are you being a good, little boy? Are you having a nice birthday, honey? Did you open your presents yet? Are you minding your grandma? Just a minute, doll, don't go away.
Oh! Listen, sweetie, we're having a birthday party for you over here with a lot of little children and they have something to say to you.
Now, now, you listen now.
(whispering): Okay.
Buon compleanno a Ricky.
Buon compleanno a te Buon compleanno, cara Ricky Buon compleanno A te.
(cheering) Did you hear that, baby? Happy birthday, son! LUCY: Happy birthday.
RICKY: Happy birthday, boy.
Happy birthday.
Buen cumpleano.
(closing orchestral flourish playing) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: The mother was played by Kathryn Card, Nicoletti by Vincent Padula, the woman on the phone by Ida Smeraldo Theresa by Kathleen Mazalo, the shoeshine boy by Bart Bradley.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Read all about Lucy and Desi in the current issue of Look magazine.