I Love Lucy (1951) s06e15 Episode Script

Lucy Wants to Move to the Country

What's the matter, honey? Oh, nothing, nothing.
Oh, honey, it can't be "nothing, nothing.
" You don't pace around at 3:00 in the morning just to put mileage on your new bedroom slippers.
If you want to know the truth, I'm worrying about that new house in the country.
Aw, honey.
Now, there's nothing to worry about.
Mr.
Spaulding accepted our offer, the bank's got all the papers, that house is ours.
That's what I'm worrying about- that house is ours.
Isn't it wonderful? We own a home.
What's so wonderful about it? You know how much money that house is gonna cost me? Yeah, it's gonna cost Oh, please, don't say it out loud.
That house is worth it.
Yeah, well.
You realize how many times I'm gonna have to sing "Babalu" to pay for that house? Oh, well, honey, you don't have to give give all the money at one time.
There's a mortgage.
Oh, dear me, a mortgage.
Well, now, that'll be paid off in 20 years.
(whining): 20 years! You realize how old we will be in 20 years? I'll be 56 and you'll be Never mind.
Now, honey, I know how old you are.
I know, but I've been juggling my age for so many years, I've I've kind of forgotten what it is and I want to leave it that way.
I don't know what made me decide to buy that place! I must have been out of my mind.
You realize all the extra 'spenses we're gonna have? We're not going to have so many extra "'spenses.
" Oh, not much.
(wry chuckle) Taxes.
There's lots of taxes in that territory over there.
And then you got all those grounds to keep up and you a big barn house in that place and you got a chicken house.
And what are we going to farm, anyway? Who do I think I am, old McDougal? Honey, it's old McDonald, and calm down.
There's the heating.
It takes a lot to heat a big place like that, you know.
And then oh, you gotta buy a new car.
And then the money, the the train going back and forward from Connecticut to New York all the time, that's a lot of money.
Then the furniture.
The furniture.
You know how much it's gonna cost to fill that big house with new furniture?! No, now, honey.
No, now, we're gonna use all our of own furniture.
We don't have to buy new.
This will fit perfectly.
Oh, good! Good! Thank you.
Now, honey That's a big load off my mind.
Yeah.
Wh-Why don't you go back to bed and just try to relax now, honey? All right, dear.
Now come on.
All right.
Maybe things will look a lot better in the morning.
Sure they will, honey.
You just got a bad case of homeowners' heebie-jeebies, that's all.
Now, now, relax.
You're right, this, this furniture is nice.
Sure, it's fine.
This will look good there.
Sure it will, honey.
It's well-built, this stuff.
Yes, all solid stuff.
That's good.
And we got a lot of pictures and knickknacks and everything.
Yeah, a lot of pictures and everything.
Pleasant dreams, darling.
Thank you, honey.
Go right to sleep.
We won't have to buy anything, maybe.
No, honey, nothing.
That's good.
(sigh of relief) What's the matter, honey? Nothing, nothing.
What do you mean, nothing? You don't get up at 4:00 in the morning for nothing.
What's wrong? Well, maybe we can't afford that house in the country.
Now, dear, calm down, honey, calm down.
How can you be calm with a mortgage staring you in the face? That house won't be ours for 20 years.
Oh, now, honey, now, now.
It's nothing to cry about.
Oh, no? I just figured out how old I'll be in 20 years! Now, now, you just relax, honey.
You were right, honey.
You were right.
We just got a bad case of homeowners' jeebie-heebies, Yeah.
that's all.
We got the jeebie-heebies all right.
Sure.
Come on, honey.
Go back to bed, dear.
Oh We'll work out something, honey.
Are you sure? Sure, dear.
We'll manage somehow.
Good night, honey.
Good night.
Maybe I can get a hit record or something.
You never had one before.
That's right, well.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
Now, you're sure, honey, that we're doing the right thing? Positive.
We bought the house, we are going to keep it and we're going to be very happy living in the country.
Oh, I'm glad you feel that way because I feel just the same way about it.
Good.
I'm all ready! Ready for what? Ready to move to the country.
Ready to move to the country? Well, we're not moving yet, partner.
We're not? No.
No.
Not yet, Fred.
(big laughs) When are we going, Daddy? Well, in about a week or so.
Well, honey, you shouldn't put Fred in a bag like that.
Here, you go on out in the kitchen and give him his breakfast, okay? Okay, Mommy.
Okay.
He's ready to move to the country.
Can't hardly wait.
He's gonna be a farmer.
Hi! Oh, hi, Fred.
Hi, Fred.
How are you? Fine.
I hate to bring this up, but do you remember this? (chortling): For goodness sake.
What's that? Our 99-year lease.
Ho, ho! If you recall, I gave it to you two years ago in a sudden fit of friendliness.
Now, don't tell me that you're gonna make us stay here for 97 more years.
Of course not.
Oh, well, thank you, Fred.
That's very decent of you, friend.
Now, there's just one thing.
What's that? Since I've let you off the hook for I'd like permission to let me show the apartment for two or three days before you leave.
RICKY: Sure.
Oh, sure, that'll be fine, Fred.
Of course I'm not gonna barge in on you.
I'm, uh, gonna give plenty of notice.
Okay.
Oh, any time at all.
Thank you very much.
Okay, Fred.
Good-bye.
Thank you.
Oh, gee, what a sweet guy.
Yeah, he's the the nicest landlord in the world.
Sure.
(pounding on door) Mm.
Wonder who that is.
I don't know.
Hi! Well, I've given you notice.
I'm showing your apartment! Come right in, folks.
Oh.
These are the Ricardos.
H- How do you do? Mr.
And Mrs.
Taylor.
How do you do? LUCY: How do you do? I hope we're not barging in.
Oh, no.
That's perfectly all right.
Not at all, no.
This apartment is a perfect love nest for newlyweds.
Oh, yes, it certainly is.
Oh, are you newlyweds, too? (laughter) Not exactly.
That's our Ricky.
It's a little chilly in here.
Is it always this cold? Well Oh, mercy, no! The Ricardos like it this way.
If there's one thing I give my tenants, it's plenty of heat! What is all that? Oh, who knows? This is only from one closet.
Boy, what you can accumulate after 15 years.
Yep.
You want me to help you, honey? Yeah.
Will you put all this stuff over there in that big box? I want to give it to the Salvation Army.
All right, dear.
Hi, fellas.
Hi.
Hi! Hi! Guess what? What? We rented your apartment.
No! To the newlyweds you met yesterday.
Oh, they were so nice.
Gee, I hope they're gonna be as happy in here as Ricky and I have been.
Yeah.
We sure had 15 wonderful years in this apartment.
(crying): Oh Oh, Ethel, not again.
Oh, I can't help it.
Oh Oh Dry up, honey.
We've got a problem to settle.
Yes, I know.
I know.
What's the problem, Fred? Well, the Taylors will, uh, move in only if they can have the apartment right away.
Tomorrow.
Yeah.
Oh, that's impossible! We can't get into our house for four more days.
That's right, Fred, you know, we can't move until the papers are all signed and that won't be till Friday.
We can't possibly move now.
That's the thanks I get for being so nice.
What's so nice about trying to throw me out of my own apartment? Did I or did I not tear up a lease of yours that had 97 more years to run? Yeah, so? Do you know how much I saved you by being a good- hearted schnook? Here, look at these figures.
$125 a month rent for 97 years comes to $145,500! Oh, oh no! Yeah.
So that's what you sat up all night figuring! Yep.
LUCY: Well, Fred, that's very nice of you, but we can't possibly move out so fast.
Listen, I'm saving you almost 150 grand.
The least you could do would be to move out a couple of measly days ahead of time.
Now, just a minute, Fred! Oh, now, wait a minute, fellas, there's no problem.
It's just for four days.
You can move in with us.
Well, thanks a lot, Ethel, but what are we gonna do with all of our furniture? Yeah, it'd be ridiculous to store this for only four days.
That's no problem, either.
The Taylors like your furniture so much, they want to buy it.
Buy it?! Oh, no, no, we're not gonna sell our furniture.
Wait, wait, wh-why not? Why not? Because we're gonna use it in our new house! This tacky stuff, it'll never fit in our new house.
What are you talking about? Just just the other night, you told me it was beautiful furniture, that it'd fit in there just perfect.
Well, honey, that was before I knew anyone was foolish enough to want to buy it.
We can buy all-new furniture.
Now just a minute, just a minute.
Do you realize how much money it will cost to furnish that whole new house with new furniture? Are you gonna quibble about a few sticks of furniture when you just made $150,000? No no.
(dry sob) All right.
I know when I'm licked.
Come on, honey.
Fred can bring the rest of this stuff.
Okay.
Well, Ethel, this is it.
This is what? I'll never see this apartment again.
Oh, now, let's not get sentimental.
It's just another apartment.
Just another apartment? There's 15 years of memories here.
Yeah, I know.
(chuckles) Do you remember the day I got locked in the trunk right there? Remember the day we were redecorating the apartment and you wallpapered me into the closet? (guffaws) How about the day the pressure-cooker exploded? (big laughs) It took us two days to get the chicken fricassee off the ceiling! (laughing harder) (bawling) Ooh, I've got to cut this out.
I haven't cried so much since the day I got married.
Come on, honey, let's get out of here.
You go ahead, Ethel.
I'll be right over.
Okay.
(sobbing) (sniffling) (sniffles) Oh.
Oh, we're sorry, Mrs.
Ricardo.
We thought you'd already gone.
Oh, that's all right.
I was just leaving.
Um, I'll, I'll get all these boxes out of here soon.
No hurry.
My husband made a list of all the furniture- this is the inventory- here.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
I'll go over it and I'll give your husband a check this afternoon.
Well, we'll be in the apartment across the hall if you want to see us about anything.
We sure do appreciate your selling us the furniture.
Saved us a lot of expense and trouble.
Well, we were glad to do it.
I, uh I sure hope you're going to be happy here- as happy as we've been.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Honey, that pink shade will go just fine on this lamp.
Pink shade? Yes.
I've got a lovely pink shade that my mother gave me, and it'll look beautiful on this lamp.
Oh.
Well, um this, uh, this shade was made especially for this lamp, and it's only two years old.
It's very nice, but I really think the pink shade will look better.
Oh.
Uh, would you mind terribly if-if I took this lamp off the inventory? I'd I'd kind of like to buy it back.
I guess that'd be all right with us, huh? I guess so.
Oh, thank you.
We can buy another lamp.
Thank you very much.
You were right, dear.
This table will look stunning painted black.
Oh, sure! Black? Yeah.
Black? This is getting to look like the Will-Call Department at Macy's! Oh, now, Fred, it's just for four days.
Why do you have to grumble so much? Because grumbling is my hobby.
Like nagging is yours.
Oh, honestly, Fred.
Hey, you got room for these? (Fred groans) Why, honey, I thought the Taylors bought those things.
Well, they did, but they were gonna ruin them, so I bought them back.
Oh.
Well, I guess we can make room.
Yeah, we can move out.
Now, Fred.
I guess there's room for that table in the kitchen.
Come on, give me a hand here, will you, Ethel? Sure, yeah.
Come on.
There's room in the kitchen.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Excuse me.
Huh? I wonder if I could borrow Mr.
Mertz's saw.
Saw? My wife wants to cut the legs off the sofa.
Cut off its legs?! It was my wife's idea.
I think I'd better have a little talk with your wife.
Fred? Oh, Fred.
I'm over here.
Where shall I put this desk chair? How about back in your old apartment? Oh, now, Fred, I got the desk.
I might as well have the chair.
Lucy, please don't buy back any more of your old stuff.
Don't worry, I won't.
Oh, thank goodness.
There's nothing else left.
Where's Ethel and Little Ricky? They went to the delicatessen to get some sandwiches.
Sandwiches? Yeah.
After the way we've been working, I was kind of looking forward to a hot meal.
Yeah, so was I, but the kitchen is so jammed full of stuff Ethel couldn't find the stove.
Oh, come now, Fred.
She could see it all right, but she couldn't reach it.
Aah.
Come on, I fixed a little nook back in here where we can have something to eat.
Oh.
We're gonna be a little cramped, but we'll have to make it do.
Just so I get to sit down for a few minutes.
There's a place for you.
Where is everybody? LUCY (yelling): Over here in the breakfast nook.
Where? Here! Where? Here! Oh.
LUCY: Where's Little Ricky? Here I am, Mommy! ETHEL: Here he is.
Oh.
Come on here, honey.
Go right through there, honey.
Come in this way.
Right in through there.
Careful.
Don't bump your head, sweetheart.
FRED: Hurry up, Ethel, I'm starved! ETHEL: I'll be right there.
Here you are, honey.
Take your coat and hat off.
Can I help you, Ethel? Yeah, you can come and get the milk.
Okay.
Oh.
(chuckles) I guess I'd better back up.
Thanks.
Okay.
FRED: Ethel, where's my mustard? ETHEL: Oh, I forgot it.
I'll have to go out in the kitchen and get it.
Oh.
Oh! Fred wants the mustard.
Oh.
Well, here, you take this.
I'll get the mustard.
Honey, you'd never be able to find it.
I'll have to get it.
Oh.
Okay? Kind of crowded.
(chuckling) Make it? Whoop! (grunts) Well, hi, what's new? Mommy? I'm coming, honey.
There you are.
There's your milk, honey.
I want chocolate milk.
You want chocolate milk? Oh, I thought that you wanted plain milk.
I'll go get it.
Well, no, no, honey, I don't think you're gonna be able to find it.
I'll have to go with you.
Oh, he wants chocolate milk.
Oh, well, back up, honey.
Then you can get it.
Well, Ethel, you back up.
I backed up the last two times.
FRED: Ethel, where's my mustard? I got a hungry husband.
Well, I got a thirsty child.
Back up.
Okay.
There we are.
Now, now, honey, don't bump your head.
There we are.
FRED: No, this is the wrong mustard.
I wanted hot mustard! ETHEL: If you want hot mustard, you go get it yourself! (Fred grumbling) Lucy, would you mind backing up? I want hot mustard on my sandwich and I'm starved! Well, Fred, you back up.
I have a thirsty child.
Little Ricky, where are you? Here, Mommy.
How'd you get back there? I took a shortcut under the furniture.
He took a shortcut under the furniture! Isn't that cute? Do you mind if I play through? Go ahead.
Thank you.
Hello, Moby.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
ETHEL: Oh, I forgot the salt.
Back up, Fred.
You back up.
I will not.
Well, neither will I.
Well, we'll just see about that.
Now come on! All right, we will see about that! Oh, Fred, come on! Back up! You back up! Come on now.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Why push me? I'm an innocent bystander.
Come on now, Ethel, back up.
No.
Fred? No! We could starve to death this way.
Oh, okay, I give up.
Let's eat.
So stubborn.
Stubborn? (laughs) ETHEL: Lucy? How are you gonna explain all this to Ricky? LUCY: Explain all what? ETHEL: About buying all your old furniture back.
LUCY: Listen, I convinced him it was right to sell it, so I'll convince him it was right to buy it back.
You know I have Ricky trained.
He's putty in my hands.
Lucy! LUCY: Speak of the putty.
(sharply): Lucy, where are you? Lucy! Lucy, where are you? Come out here! Lucy, I want to speak to you! Lucy! Lucy! Oh, hi, Fred.
Hi.
Where'd she go? FRED: She took the shortcut to the kitchen.
You stool pigeon! You come here.
I want to talk to you.
No.
Come right here! I want to talk to you.
No! Not till you calm down.
All right, I can take the shortcut, too.
Ah, ah, aha! (screams) All right, start explaining.
Well, the Taylors were ruining our furniture, so I bought it all back.
You bought it all back?! (phone ringing) They wanted to put a pink shade on our lamp.
They wanted to cut the legs off our sofa.
The phone is ringing, Fred.
And they wanted to paint our table black.
All right, I'll talk to you later.
Where's the phone? They were ruining everything I'll find it.
Look for the phone! I'll talk to you later.
FED: No.
(phone continues ringing) Hello? Hello? That's Little Ricky's phone.
Oh.
(phone still ringing) Hello? Yes, this is Mr.
Ricardo.
Oh, hello, Mr.
Spaulding.
All right, fine.
Well, we're planning to move in four days.
Yes, sir.
What? They have? It was? Oh Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Well, thanks for calling.
Good-bye.
What'd he say? The title search for the house has been delayed.
We will have to stay here two more weeks.
Eww Oh, now, honey Honey Now (closing orchestral flourish playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz has been presented for your pleasure by Instant Sanka, the hearty coffee you can drink as strong as you like, it still can't upset your nerves.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.