I Rock (2010) s01e08 Episode Script

Beggars Banquet

(GUITAR AMP HUMS) (POWER CHORD PLAYS) Nash! (SNORING) Nash! (NASH ON TV) Now that you understand my vision as director So, what do you think, just a little bit off the top, sweetie? Just make it different.
Luke, what are you doing? I I told him to.
Trust me, I'm sober.
CARA: Nash! Hey! Cara, have a brewski, bro.
You guys had a fucking party last night? (LAUGHS) It looks like we're not the only ones.
Yeah, our film clip got nominated for an ARIA Award, and they want us to play as well.
Where's the bogan princess? We called her, like, a bazllion times.
I fucking loved her.
Jeez, why didn't you say anything? I didn't wanna spoil the party.
I knew she had a rough life but I didn't know she was that fucked up.
Could have gone looking for her or something.
She's not Carmen Sandiego.
Like, she hitchhiked here from God knows where.
She probably left the same way.
It's not my fault she left.
CARA: It's my fault.
I never took her seriously.
She wanted to be a part of my life.
I just kept shutting her out.
We've got the biggest gig of our career coming up.
We're a band member short.
Oh, Comet will come back.
What makes you so sure of that? Yeah, but, look, I really wish she would too but we've gotta prepare for the worst, and I was thinking we should ask Jane to play.
What? The female bass player dynamic's been working really well and we know she's a good performer.
(LAUGHS) Oh, I don't know.
That's just that's a recipe for disaster.
I wouldn't go that far.
No, it's I just don't wanna endanger what we have.
Couples shouldn't work together, man.
Like, it just ends in tears.
Look at Fleetwood Mac.
Yeah, we wouldn't wanna accidentally sell a billion albums.
What about Blondie? Arcade Fire.
Captain and Tennille.
Sonny and Cher.
(WHISPERS) Comet and Cara - that totally fucked up.
So who do you suggest? About time.
About time for what? You thanked me for getting you a gig at the ARIAs.
(SCOFFS) It's the song people like.
The film clip has nothing to do with it.
No-one would have heard the song if not for the clip.
It's somewhat of a chicken and egg situation, no? (SCOFFS) Yeah, my head is the egg.
The song is the chicken that came out of that egg, the film clip is the egg that came out of the first chicken and the ARIA nomination is the fricking baby chicken that came out of the first chicken's egg.
I don't think you've quite grasped the metaphor.
Oh, grasp this.
Nash, maybe you should tell Val why we're here.
Yeah, I think you've got a guitar strap of mine.
Sorry? Yeah, blue one, big leather tips.
Borrowed it a couple of months ago.
Don't remember that.
Doesn't ring a bell? Sorry to waste your time.
(SIGHS) No, wait.
We have shit to do.
We have to find a new bandmate.
(MUTTERS) Yeah, I thought we'd just found one.
Looking for a new bandmate? Yeah.
Comet, she left us in the lurch.
I'm going.
Are you coming or not? Oh, f Please, please let me back into the band.
What? What was that? I wanna play for Boy Crazy Stacey again, please.
What makes you think there's a spot available? (MUTTERS) We've just told him there was one.
I'm the best guitarist you'll ever have.
You know the band isn't as good without me.
Yeah, it is.
(SIGHS) Look, I'm sorry, I acted rashly.
I put my own needs before those of the other band members and for that I sincerely apologise.
I promise it will never, ever happen again.
Please, man, I'm I'm begging.
That's not begging.
(SIGHS) (LAUGHS) Oh, righto, righto.
Hey, welcome back, man.
Perhaps a celebratory apéritif is in order.
Oh, just so you know, there's no way I'm playing bass.
('DRESSED TO THE TENS') As usual, your sartorial choices leave a lot to be desired.
A - it's rock'n'roll.
And B - someone's gotta balance out Jasper.
It's a sit-down dinner.
At least you don't look as bad as Nash.
I'm right here.
(LAUGHS) I think we've all had a good laugh now.
Not quite enough.
What did you ask for, Golden Gaytime? It's Kansas Wheatfield.
I just wish you'd told me you were getting your hair streaked, that's all.
I suppose that's us.
(SNORTS) WOMAN: Boy Crazy Stacey? Kylie, stage manager.
Follow me, please.
We're gonna try and fit in your rehearsal now.
Ah, Jasper Taylor, manager.
Well, it's a little hard to rehearse Little Birdy when they're not here yet, Gareth.
Which one of you is Nash? Here.
What happened to your hair? I thought we told you you had to dress exactly as you did in the film clip.
Yeah, I've got his clothes right here.
But the hair, it's completely different.
He didn't tell me he was What's the fucking difference? (SHARPLY) Sasha! As you should have read in the email, the dancers are specifically being made up to look like you.
That's the whole point.
Dancers? Now I'm gonna have to source new wigs.
How many dancers? Six.
I'm sorry, should you perhaps have told your bandmates about this before today? Yes, should you, perhaps? What kind of dancing are we talking about? It's really a very convincing impression.
(LAUGHS) Comet, you can stop.
Looked awesome.
Oh, my God.
Jasper, change those clothes now.
You look fucking ridiculous.
He's not the one who looks stupid.
What's that supposed to mean? MAN: Hey, Nash (LAUGHTER) Are you people on acid? (LAUGHTER) I hope you're this funny on stage.
(LAUGHTER DISTORTS) Five, six, five, six, seven, eight.
Step, up.
Relevé, up.
Turn, wait.
Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two.
(SINGS) Said I wasn't allowed There were you all sitting in the back seat Kicking out with both feet Gumming up the windows Spitting like cats, yeah Piss off.
I'm gonna buy some chips by myself.
I was gonna tell you about the dancers Yeah, just like you were gonna tell me my running looks stupid? You always do this - keep things to yourself because, like, you think you're being a good manager or whatever, and I'm always the one who ends up looking stupid.
It was my fault Comet left.
Look, she went to see you at the open mic gig, and then she wanted to hang out with someone.
(LAUGHS) And I think Sam, he gave us a couple of free drinks and this great song came on the radio.
Oh, my God, I love this song.
(YOUTH GROUP SING) Listen now, my sweet Anne I never meant to cause you pain We could have spent all summer sitting here Making daisy chains I lie awake at night Staring at my roof Now You're gone I don't even know why she was so upset, I mean It's obvious.
We had a fight, then she turned to you for friendship and you took advantage of her.
A-hole! What do you mean you had a fight? This is so typical.
I get a BMX for Christmas, so you have to get one for your birthday.
I start a band and then you have to join the band.
And then I And then you kiss Comet.
But you've never had Comet.
Oh, my God.
Nash, I didn't know, like If I'd known how you felt, I never would have kissed her.
Please don't.
It was a present.
Nash! I bet it was your fault Comet left! Oh, fuck you.
(WHIMPERS) Why do you always blame me? All I ever do is try and support you.
Oh, yeah, only because it makes you feel cool.
Only because you wanna be me.
(GRUNTS) (PANTS) (LAUGHS) Oh, no, he's doing his Brazilian dancing.
Ohhh, I'm so scare Ugh! (BRAZILIAN ACCENT) It's called capoeira.
You have to tell her.
Shut up.
I have to wait for the right time.
Does it feel good? Mmm.
I couldn't let you do your first televised gig without a little present.
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Val didn't like me doing this.
He thought it subjugated women.
Don't say 'Val'.
(EXHALES) (PHONE RINGS) Don't even think about it.
I'm not.
I'm not.
Who is it? I think it's someone from the ARIAs.
I should probably take it.
You're not going anywhere.
Where are you? Some hostel in Bega.
There's cockroaches everywhere and it smells like cheese sticks.
You must be at the ARIAs by now.
I'm so proud of you guys.
You should be here.
No, I shouldn't.
You've already got amazing people supporting you.
I really don't.
I'm really sorry for bailing on you.
I'd just been fighting with Cara and I made you hate me.
I just freaked out.
(CROAKS) Oh! Ohh! (LAUGHS) I should go.
Listen No, I've caught you at a bad time.
Don't go.
Um Saw the film clip.
It was a bit confusing.
I thought it was meant to be romantic.
I thought it was meant to end in a kiss.
I still want it to.
(HANGS UP) (SIGHS) I guess guys can't multitask.
(LAUGHS) (THE VINES SING) Once there was a young man No-one could understand All he ever playin' is that rock'n'roll music Rock'n'roll music, yeah All he ever wanted was a reason to do it Reason to do it, yeah When they know every line He's a rocker All the rhythm and rhyme He's a rocker Move his head to the beat He's a rocker As he walk down the street He's a rocker All he ever playin' is that rock'n'roll music Rock'n'roll music, yeah All he ever wanted was a reason to do it Reason to do it, yeah (CHEERING) C'mon, let's trip again Nash, Nash Taylor, come here.
Nash Taylor from Boy Crazy Stacey.
Now, your new video, absolutely hilarious.
Where did you get the idea? Er, well, er, where do ideas come from, you know? Er, OK.
So, anyway, what does it feel like to go from obscurity into one of the most exciting novelty acts on the scene? (CHEERING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Our next presenter last year became the youngest ever winner of back-to-back ARIAs, when at the tender age of 13, she took our breath away - Sandra Kelly.
Will this, perchance, be the first gig you've played sober? (LAUGHS) Perchance.
SANDRA: What an honour it is Speaking of which, you'd better slow down now, my little chinchilla.
Uh, Mr Taylor.
We need you guys backstage now.
Who would have thought that my little song recorded in my bedroom would have led me here? Hey, no-one's gonna laugh at you.
Just kick arse, that's what people will remember.
Why are you so nice to me? Oh, you're not all bad.
before they never invite me back, I'd better get on with it.
The nominees for Breakthrough Artist are McTavish for the album 'AImost There'.
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) So many people.
So little talent.
I'm a fraud.
I'm a fucking fraud.
Nash, you appear to be in a quandary.
(LAUGHS) If someone hadn't put Butler in the wrong seat, he would have been in the right place for the shot, wouldn't he? Everyone ready to go on? Break a leg, guys.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I'm not going out there.
ROB CARLTON: This is rock'n'roll.
Interesting business.
Who here dreamed of being a rock'n'roll star when they were Tim Rogers, you did? (LAUGHS) And the dream's come true, sir.
The dream's come true.
KYLIE: You guys had better do something.
Yes, Gareth, just hang on! Please don't.
This is our big shot.
The film clip is the only reason people are gonna watch.
Not the song, the film clip.
(SIGHS) Well, on behalf of the ARIAs I'd like to apologise for inviting you here for the wrong reason.
Who gives a shit why you're here? You're entertainers, aren't you? There's a difference between entertaining people and being a fucking joke.
I'm not singing some song because it reminds people of a stupid YouTube video.
Well, one of you had better be able to sing, because you're on.
Fuck me sideways, lady, do you ever shut up? Excuse me? If Nash doesn't go on, we all don't go on.
This is all a Potemkin village.
It would have been nice to bang the Veronicas or I know that, Gareth You guys seriously aren't going on? Unfortunately, there's no Boy Crazy Stacey without you.
Have you gone fucking mental? There's gonna be a million people watching.
We'll just have to be so fucking good no-one remembers the video.
Fucking children.
Boy Crazy Stacey are moving.
And now, it's like a rock version of the fat kid with the lightsaber.
Let's lift the roof, my friends, it's Boy Crazy Stacey with their YouTube hit 'Catch and Kiss'! Boys! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) You sure you're good with this? Nash, I'm familiar with over 30 instruments.
I think I can handle your attempt at a ballad.
Yeah, we're a bit bored of 'Catch and Kiss'.
This is called 'Comet's Song'.
(BAND PLAYS GENTLE INTRO) Yes, I know it's the wrong song, Gareth.
(SINGS) Bright satellite Comes crashing to the ground Glowing in the dark Downed power lines The blackout and the blind panic That then sets in Springing up From the charred black freeway It's the wrong tempo.
There was an inkling of a reason Go, go, go, go go! In the ruin (CHEERING) Grow close to me Grow up from everything you know We're rolling down that road Just pieces of the whole Oh, yeah.
(PLAYS DISTORTED CHORD) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (ROB CARLTON SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Yeah, I suppose you think that was pretty cool, do you? Do you wanna know who had clearance to trash the stage tonight? Short Stack.
Do you know who didn't have clearance to trash the stage tonight? Boy Crazy Stacey! Do you know all the bigwigs out there, all the producers, none of them are gonna touch you guys with a shitty stick after what you just pulled.
Bye-bye career.
(BAND LAUGHS) Christ, lady, if we wanted a career, do you think we'd be playing music? (BAND LAUGHS) ROB: Wherever we go, the boys from What did you think about that one, sweetheart? Yeah.
You guys were awesome.
You think I should streak my hair? In this visual age, a great video can make a band.
From performance clips to animation to the avant-garde, this year has seen an embarrassment of music videos (COMET LAUGHS) How the hell did you get in? The security guard recognised me from the clip.
Nash Taylor and Val Dracar for Boy Crazy Stacey's 'Catch and Kiss'.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) X for the Cassette Kids' (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Guys, we need you to have a seat now.
Thank you.
Do you really think we care about this award? 'Comet's Song', that's an interesting title considering it was about me.
I never actually said specifically it was about you.
I asked you if it was and you said, "Yes".
I never said, "Yes.
" I just sort of went, "Mmm," like that And now, the envelope.
And the winner is those rowdy boys, Nash Taylor and Val Dracar for 'Catch and Kiss'.
Yes! Go! Go! Let's go, guys, let's go.
I'm not even in the band anymore.
Come on, sweetheart, you're one of us now.
(SIGHS) WOMAN: Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Jane! Nash, you idiot.
(SOBS) So that was who the song was for, that fucked-up little hitchhiker who ditched you all for no reason? It's not like, that, OK? Comet left because of me.
It's my fault.
Oh? Nothing happened between us.
Is that because you weren't trying or because she wouldn't fuck you? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Thank you, thank you.
I'll try to keep this short.
Look, I don't know what to say.
I'm sorry.
Us getting back together, it was a bad idea.
I can't believe I I can't believe how stupid I've been.
Well, exactly.
I mean, what were you thinking getting back with me? I know it's not the right place to say it, but Val as well.
Jane, you've got terrible taste in men.
You're an idiot and I've wasted three years of my life on you.
It wasn't a total waste.
(SCOFFS) You're not in love with me.
You're not even nice to me.
That's not true.
I am nice to you, sometimes.
I've spent so much time trying to work out what you really want.
For what? You're just an insecure narcissist with a stupid run and really bad hair.
I deserve so much better.
I guess you're OK with it, then.
Just go, Nash.
Go and collect your prize.
I also owe a great deal of debt to the the Lumiere brothers, the music of Peter Gabriel and to the revered Kuniaki Kuni for his constant, constant inspiration.
Arigato gozaimasu.
I have something to tell you.
There's something I really should tell you first.
How about we say it at the same time? Oh, I don't know.
It'll be fine, it'll be fine, I promise.
On three, OK? One two I'm 16.
I'm in love with you.
What? VAL: Thank you all.
Um I caught the train from my parents' house, uh, and I'm 16 and and three months.
Music is a spiritual force (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Relax, mate, at least she's legal.
Thank you very much.
Later, dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, rock'n'roll, yeah! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Said I wasn't allowed There were you all Sitting in the back seat Kicking out with both feet Gumming up the windows Spitting like cats, yeah What I wrote on your cast Didn't mean it Separate the girls and watch 'em from the walls Well, I've already tried to Keep a secret Slow rot You're not getting any younger Oh-ho Catch and kiss that little heart You try to guess out loud Staring eyes to the ground Paper passing hand to hand Oh, waiting for a magic sound Making up a foolish plan Pretty sure hit a nerve Didn't mean it Got off on the wrong foot Meet me out the back You're chatty on a third strike Smoking like a gun, yeah Wrecking ball of a stare Took a wall out Putting in your number Calculator watch that broke Already trying to I I'm gonna kiss this girl.
Comet, we're gonna finish this film clip.
You're not getting any younger Catch and kiss And there's nothing any anyone can do about it.
Staring eyes to the ground Alright.
Val, you rolling? Hand to hand Waiting for a magic sound (SIRENS WAIL) Step away from the girl right now.
Come on.
No! No! Argh! Argh! Oh! I'm gonna kiss this girl.
And there's nothing Argh! anyone can do about it.