iCarly (2021) s01e13 Episode Script

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1 This year's Webicon Web Icon Lifetime Achievement Award recipient: Carly Shay.
- Whoo! - Step one, kiss Wes.
Step two, smile.
Step three, humbly wave at my fans.
Lifetime achievement award? You're so old.
I'm a dewey 27.
And this award is a big deal.
It's been a hard year, starting up my channel again all by myself.
All by yourself? No emotional support or fancy studio in my apartment or anyone dressing up as a baby for you? You should probably thank me first.
You're somewhere between God and my manicurist.
And now we get to celebrate you at the new and improved Webicon.
Or I guess the full title is now "Webicon, sponsored by YesIStillUseChecks.
I'm just glad they pivoted from a giant, sweaty convention to a glamping retreat for "forward thinkers of the online era".
Plus, a pitch-fest for new tech ventures.
A field full of rich people who don't know what to do with their money.
And I get to tell 'em.
Well, it better be awesome I got Dutch on the music lineup, and I promised her, because you promised me, so it's a blockchain promise.
As requested, useless, nontoxic buy spray.
But let the record show I'm still solidly behind Harper's idea for mosquito net jumpsuits.
Said that as a joke.
Look, we're headed to an island with no ferry service and spotty cellular.
I just want to be prepared.
The tree houses have electricity, plumbing, And an hourly tea ceremony.
My Eagle Scout here wants to bring a generator, iodine and rations.
Well, at least you let me pack candles, so in case the power goes out, I can still see your gorgeous face.
Oh, get a tree house, you two.
Oh, we will.
We all will.
We're gonna have the best weekend ever.
Everybody, hands in.
Webicon! Why don't the trees have houses? What are we supposed to eat? Where is everyone?! Are they all having fun without us? On a yacht? Harper, speak to the concierge about getting us an invite to the yacht.
- Mm.
- Please.
Come on, guys, we just have to roll with the punches, and it'll be an adventure.
Webicon! Yeah, I say we eat her first.
Never ask how I got this tarp.
Is this hell? No.
Hell at least has Lil Nas X.
Dutch is the only one from the music lineup who showed.
I guess all the rich people already figured out what to do with their money they used it to get on the last helicopter out of here.
Don't worry, we're still gonna have a great time.
I'm almost done completing inventory and formulating a list of tasks.
See? Tasks.
I made this dress for Dutch.
She was gonna sing and dance over a fire, and then when her fans wanted an encore, they would scream: "S'more! S'more!" I guess we'll have to eat it.
All right, here's the deal.
I talked to the person in charge before she was whisked away by six competing documentarians.
They planned to have luxury tree houses, a pitch-fest, and a sick music lineup, but without money, that plan never went beyond: "Let's have luxury tree houses, a pitch-fest, and a sick music lineup".
We have a sick music lineup.
- Dutch can still perform.
- No.
No, no, they said singing attracts the possums.
Dutch, I'm sorry.
I will sew you a tent out of bark if I have to.
I will take a hotel room, please, and thank you.
So, are they sending boats? Helicopters? Amazon drones? Not until Monday.
Hey, where'd you get the tarp? What are we gonna do? Don't worry about it, all right? We have just enough water, and the festival left us non-FDA-approved protein bars, but, uh, they are the blueberry flavor.
I'll starve.
I just really need you to take this seriously.
I am.
But since you've got survival covered, there's no reason I can't be in charge of having fun.
Uh, we could go on a sunset hike, make flower crowns, go skinny-dipping.
Sprained ankle, poison ivy, penis parasites.
I'm just trying to make lemonade out of lemons.
Oh, you brought lemons? No.
Ah, good luck getting our food, bears! Wait.
If the bears can't get the food, will they eat us? Enjoy our food, bears.
I'm so bummed the pitch-fest is canceled.
Do you think this is a sign? Maybe it's time I hang up my entrepreneurial hat.
If you mean your Rite Aid fedora, then yes.
You can't give up.
Let me help.
We both agreed that we were lucky our friendship survived you investing in my first failed start-up.
You are not allowed to give me any more money.
And I won't.
But I bet I can find a different rich idiot to trick into losing all of their money.
There must be someone here who was too dumb to make it out.
You're not going to find anyone.
I'm just not cut out for the tech world.
Maybe it's time I find something else.
Hey Should we tell him he just walked through poison oak? He'll find out soon enough.
Sorry I got you to bring Double Dutch.
She's a lot.
Hey, she's my boss only I'm allowed to say that.
And Wes is quite the survivalist and very helpful and not at all annoying.
Hey, don't eat the red berries they're poisonous.
Hey! But that was dead-on.
Wes is just such a planner, and I love that, but sometimes he has trouble being spontaneous.
I want to survive, too.
Doesn't mean I can't also have a flower crown.
I'm on a trip with my favorite people who I promised a great time.
I need to at least try to make that happen.
I don't know how to work this compass.
Oh, uh, try turning it off - and then back on.
- Oh.
I feel bad, but I keep thinking about if I were here with my ex-boyfriend, who shall not be named.
Beau? Guess we're naming him.
He'd already have, like, four penis parasites.
That guy's fun.
And he's also right there.
Carly! Oh, fun.
Ooh, this place is amazing! Is that a bidet in the bathroom? I'm gonna go check.
You, uh, seem surprised to see me.
Didn't you know I was presenting you with your lifetime achievement award? No.
No, I did not.
I guess they thought we make a good pair.
You know, probably since we've always made such a good pair.
Uh, congratulations, by the way.
Webicon Web Icon is a huge deal.
I guess if we'd started a channel together, I would've just been holding you back.
Or riding my coattails.
Sounds like a fun ride.
How'd you get this place, anyway? Uh, probably by being the most famous person here.
I don't know, maybe a different reason.
Hey, did you get one of the tarps? Those seem cool.
Oh, yeah.
They're awesome.
We're really just making the most of our time.
The laughs we've had, you wouldn't believe.
You know, I was gonna bounce, but then I figured: why not make lemonade out of lemons? Exactly.
It's a bidet, all right.
Hell of a bidet.
So you just have all this space for you and your girlfriend? We, uh, broke up, actually.
- Oh.
- And we didn't know? Don't you usually prefer to dump people on a livestream? Let me make it up to you.
Why don't you all stay here? I don't know.
I just started seeing someone.
He's an auto mechanic.
Like, a real manly man.
He's probably off building us a better tree house right now.
So no.
You listen to me, Carly Shay.
I am a knight in shining armor, and Dutch is my damsel in distress, professionally speaking! So yes.
I'll stay in this gorgeous tree house with the softest towels I've ever felt.
But you owe me.
Millicent, this is perfect.
Beau is the investor of Freddie's dreams.
Positive attitude.
Money to burn.
No understanding of business or perhaps even money at all.
But my dad's confidence is at an all-time low.
He's not gonna try and make a sale now.
Which is why we need Beau to come to him.
He'll see it as a sign.
Yes! I haven't done a good scheme in ages.
I hope I'm not rusty.
How cool is it of Beau to let us use his tree house? Yeah.
Very cool.
Except I am a little worried it's not built to hold eight people.
Sure it is.
They wouldn't have included a blackjack table if they didn't want you to entertain.
Since we're good on shelter and food and water now, what should we do? Flower crowns.
Flower crowns.
Yes! And then I heard about an amazing sunset hike.
Oh, uh, before we go spraining our ankles all willy-nilly I need to make sure there's actually enough food and clean water in this tree house for everyone.
There's tons of food.
I don't know how much water there is the fridge just does filtered.
It even does pellet ice.
Carly loves pellet ice.
Beau, uh, actually, can you grab us some drinks? Regular Coke with lime and let me guess tepid water since the body absorbs it faster.
Yeah, I know you're mocking me, but that's actually true, so thanks.
So, this I was not prepared for.
Yeah, it's weird.
But there's absolutely nothing going on between Beau and me now.
I doubt we have anything in common anymore.
Did somebody say "flower crown"? Which is why, with Kevin, you're not taking care of the puppy The puppy is taking care - of you! - Of you! Yeah, but don't tell Freddie we told you, okay? He's got so many investors.
He'd kill us if he knew we told one more person about it.
It's such a good idea.
You think maybe I could get him to pitch it to me? - Maybe.
- Maybe.
Hey, um, what are the symptoms of Lyme disease? This place has a real Lyme-y vibe.
You know what doesn't have a Lyme-y vibe? Your app Kevin.
I didn't mean to mention it in front of Beau.
But now that the puppy's out of the bag, why don't you tell him about it.
Okay, um, well, the idea was: match people who need therapy dogs with people who need dog-sitters, so that It sounds awesome.
How about you give me the full pitch tomorrow.
I need to text my dad first.
My dad's my business guy.
Also, I just love him.
Really? Beau, I mean that would be great.
Men supporting men.
That's what it's all about.
Oh, my God! Did you see me just manifest that opportunity out of total thin air? - Oh, yes.
- You did that.
- You did that! - Yes! Ooh! Okay, you were right, Wes that nontoxic bug spray is useless.
Or maybe you're just too sweet.
Here, this is safe and totally works.
Wow, I'm just, like, the hero of this entire weekend.
- You know what would make it even better? - Nothing.
Nothing could make this better, because it's great! Right, Dutch? No.
A chipmunk looked at me weird.
I was gonna say scary stories.
Oh, like the one about the guy stranded in the forest with his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.
Ooh, what's that one? Yup, no, I got it.
Are we talking scary scary, or "George the Bra" scary? Oh! "I'm going to get you".
Uh George the Bra? George the Bra that tells ghost stories.
It's a classic iCarly character.
Carly, your marshmallow's on fire.
We like 'em burnt and crispy.
Then when you put it on the chocolate - it melts faster.
- It melts faster.
I wasn't talking about the viscosity of your dessert.
I was talking about the increased risk of forest fire.
You can even take the fun out of roasting marshmallows.
Am I the only one here whose definition of fun includes not dying? Oh, man, wait.
I bet you wind up dying in some super boring way.
Or maybe I never die, because I make careful decisions.
Okay, let's all relax.
Oh, I think Beau here is plenty relaxed.
Aah! Is this what we've been making s'mores out of? This is my dress! This is cannibalism! Dutch, if we didn't eat it, it was gonna attract bugs.
Then Wes would make us eat those.
You know what? I'm gonna go.
I'll be back.
Oh, actually, I was gonna storm off super dramatically, so Aah! Aah! Okay, you're good.
- Wes, wait.
- Look, I'm sorry, but I just need a minute, okay? Let's all just cool off and take some space.
And pack ourselves into a shelter that comfortably sleeps two.
Do you think that's FEMA here to save us or a serial killer here to end us? - It was probably just a branch.
- Serial killer.
- Dude.
- What? Carly, uh, can we talk? Uh, yeah.
We should.
I'm sorry, Carly, but I'm getting pretty frustrated, okay? I-I mean, I've been working all weekend to try and keep us safe, and it's, like, none of that matters to you because I didn't weave you a flower crown.
You don't weave a flower crown.
You tie it off.
I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation, and you keep reminding me how bad it is.
Yeah, because it is bad, okay? Not everything is skinny-dipping and lifetime achievement awards.
Well, not everything is life-or-death.
Hi there.
Oh, crap, wrong arms.
Oh, uh, I-I was just reaching for my phone.
- It's very precious to me.
- I I was - I was also doing, like, the same.
- Yeah, same.
I am my mother's son! See? You grabbed Beau, too.
He's just very grab-able.
Whoa! Whoa! Well at least we still have a roof over our heads.
This album is literally rocking my world.
Well, we look amazing.
I wasn't gonna let these outfits go to waste.
My best friend was getting an award.
I rented enough runway to land a plane.
That's sweet.
You liar.
You packed all these cute clothes so you could look good for Dutch.
You like her.
How dare you read me so accurately.
Okay, yeah, when the tree house was falling, I reached for Dutch.
But you reached for Beau.
How dare you recount true events.
Do you still have feelings for him? Escándalo.
A week ago I would've told you no, but Wes and I haven't been on the same page all weekend.
- Mm.
- It's like this whole experience has just made me realize that he and I are really different.
And sometimes very different people - make great couples.
- Yeah, but then there's Beau.
I mean, he makes everything so easy.
When we broke up, that was, like, the third fight we've ever had.
Well, I guess the question is, do you want someone who's like you, or do you want someone who complements you? And I guess the second question is, are you willing to risk your dream career for your dream girl? Mm.
You know what I wish? That we jumped into each other's arms.
'Cause then it would've been like, "Aw, they're so cute.
They're best friends".
So cute! But we didn't.
So it was the one failed start-up.
It was the two failed marriages.
He's tanking.
Spencer, you know what you have to do.
Damn it.
And, I mean, you learn by failing, right? - What is happening? - H-Hi! My name is Bandit, and I'm a terrier.
An Irish terrier.
And I was ne-u-tered! Not because I wanted to be, but because it's the socially responsible thing to do.
Now, who wants to scratch me belly?! - No one! - Me! Wow.
I mean, that was the best pitch I've ever heard.
I'm so bummed I can't invest.
What? But I was ne-u-tered.
Yeah, my dad thinks dogs are just a fad.
But hey, good luck.
Not that you'll need it.
Spencer and Millicent told me how many investors you have lined up.
So you set this up.
What, just so I could squeeze in one last failure before - I give up entirely, or ? - You can't give up.
You have every reason to believe in this.
You're talented.
It's a great idea.
The world needs it.
In fact It's only $13.
It's all I have liquid.
I'm in.
Thank you.
This means more to me than any big investment ever could.
Well, I want to make a big investment.
Okay, thunder stealer.
Dutch? Are you in there? No.
All right.
Well, if you see Dutch, tell her that tarp is not her color.
How dare you.
I look gorgeous in this.
You do.
Look, I love working for you.
And we click creatively, and I really admire you.
But I think that some of those feelings might be crossing the line, and I think you feel it, too.
Yeah, I do.
Both of my hearts are beating out of my chest.
I have two hearts.
But we work together, and this is my dream job.
You're my dream stylist, and it's really helping me push myself creatively.
I think we need to put that first.
Me, too.
So we agree.
We're just gonna close our eyes, turn off our feelings for the sake of professionalism.
I really love your boundaries.
Zip! They're gone.
All right.
Well, I'm so glad that worked.
There you are.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
First place I checked was in Beau's arms.
Next time we're in a collapsing tree house, I promise I will jump on you.
Wes, I'm sorry.
And I really appreciate everything you've done for us.
Well, hopefully you'll appreciate this, too.
Come with me.
Oh, my God, what is all this? It's your stage, for you to accept your award.
I don't deserve all this.
- Carly - We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Carly Shay.
Actually, as the person who made the podium and the award, I Pretty sure this is the award.
I had it flown in this morning.
Does that mean you could have had us flown out? I wanted to stay, 'cause I have something to tell you, Carly.
Uh, this feels like it's in the arena of what I wanted to say, so if I could just go first, I'll be real quick.
- I think we should go in alphabetical order.
- Eh - I love you.
- I love you.
Duly noted.
Carly, breaking up with you was the second biggest mistake of my life.
Do you remember when I bought that pizza with Bitcoin? Okay, I would never make either of those mistakes, because I love you, and I actually do still use checks.
These are all great points.
Very compelling.
A lot of pros, lot of cons.
Okay, so what are you gonna do? Wait to see if she says it back.
Not you, dude.
I'd like to thank God and my brother Spencer and my manicurist Leslie.
I love you.
And - Hey! Hey! - Down here! We're here! See? That's why I thank God first.
I looked death straight in the eyes and said, "Not today, Carly.
Not today".
I drank from a bidet.
What happens at Webicon stays at Webicon.
So we left those feelings at Webicon.
Why? Did she say something about me? Yeah, I feel good about where I landed.
I mean, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Until it doesn't.
And then does again.
And sometimes you get rescued before you even have to make a decision, and then you end up on a helicopter with two guys just staring at you the whole time.
But yeah, everything's great.
I got a penis parasite.

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