Ijon Tichy: Raumpilot (2007) s02e07 Episode Script
Schein und Sein Teil I
What happened up to now on:
SPACE PILOT.
Look at the floor, it's a mess!
Mr. Tichy
I'd appreciate more respect.
- You're joking!
I wanted an egg,
and the problem started!
The void has returned.
We're all gonna die.
It's the end of the universe.
But I've prepared a primeval soup
which needs to be shot through the
cosmo-gigantic cannon into the void.
It worked, I saved the universe!
What did you just say?
You saved the universe?
I did all the work!
This is my assistant Mel.
You ruffian!
You really know every corner
of the universe?
And
- What's going on here?
I had a stowaway!
What're you doing under my sofa bed?
- I don't know what I am
What kind of individual.
- Tarantoga treats him like a slave.
No one can tell me what planet
I come from.
These plant-remains were on my feet
when I came to Tarantoga.
It's the only clue to my heritage.
The worst thing was that
I had no more eggs.
My stomach was grumbling!
So I was on my way to the Egg Planet
at the other end of the galaxy!
SPACE PILO
The Star Diaries
Not this planet either
Freely produced by themes from the novel
"Star diaries" by Stanislaw Lem
Mr. Tichy, we're almost there.
The Egg Planet can't be far.
My belly's growling!
My knees are turning to jelly!
Didn't we agree I'd keep the kitchen
clean and you'd tidy up the control room?
Keep your eyes on the road!
I live here too.
I'm not letting you out until
you do what we agreed.
Ok, if that's what you want,
I'll stick to my end of the deal.
Her kitchen
I'll never find my home planet.
APPEARANCE AND REALITY
PART I
Here you go. Your kitchen
your problem!
What?
- My journey is over.
It seems I have no home planet.
We haven't found a single clue
to my heritage or my race.
According to the Encyclopedia
I don't even exist.
That's why I'm going back
to where I have a permanent
place and a function
to Professor Tarantoga.
To that old couch fart?
Let's make a deal.
From now on your function is
to clean this room.
You get to stay and have the right
to use the sleep-nest!
No!
Hello? Mr Tichy?
This Tarantoga was sneaky!
If he got my name right
it meant he had a cat up his sleeve.
What do you want?
- Mr. Tichy, a very good day to you.
How are you doing? I just wanted
to see if you were hungry?
Send my regards
to the pretty Mrs. Tichy
Why are you being so friendly nice?
I have a spare egg. I thought
you might be interested, hm?
Dr. Spamy could teleport it
to you right away.
An egg?
What do you want in return?
What I want?
My assistant Mel back! Dammit!
This dumb-twit didn't know
that the Mel-fellow wanted
to go back anyway.
I don't know. Just one egg?
Ok, two eggs.
Let me see
Alright, I'll do it! Two eggs
to send the Mel-fellow back, ok?
It's a deal! Then beam
those two eggs to that Tootly!
Tichy!
A wonderful, green landscape
with nice people and lots of trees.
That's how I always imagined
my home planet.
Listen, these plants and earth are proof
that your planet is out there somewhere.
You came through the teleporter.
You had to get in somewhere!
We'll find your planet!
What's that?
- An egg!
Melted into a blob?
- Our cosmic hero must have forgotten
not to put separate things
into the same teleporter!
Fair punishment for being
so infinitely presumptuous!
Only one egg?
That lying cheat!
Waiting for the water to boil, I tried,
with the second teleporter
to separate my melted clothes.
On the other side of my kitchen
That really went well.
You're almost brilliant!
You have a better idea?
I came to say good-bye.
- Mel?
Something keeps drawing me back
to Tarantoga. I can't resist.
It seems I belong there.
But I would like to thank you
for the exiting voyage to the
Egg Planet!
What? I had just wrecked
the Egg Planet!
The void-hole was inside, and started
wiping out the universe again!
Eh, Tushly! Where's Mel? Dammit!
Spamy beamed you the eggs.
You dumb-loser, don't know
nothing about nothing.
The void-hole is back, it was hiding
inside the Egg Planet!
The void is back? Impossible!
I shot a new evolution
and legitimized the universe.
You can't even count to two eggs.
I can too, you lousy crash pilot!
- One arm bandit!
What? I won't allow a back-seat driver
like you to speak to me like that!
I gonna beam myself to your rocket
and pick Mel up in person.
And punch you in the eye.
One arm will do!
Where's that loudmouth hero?
- Professor!
Mel! Pack your bags, you're coming
to the institute with me, now!
You deserved it.
You should treat Mel with more respect.
He's only human, after all.
What?
The Professor!
In my rocket!
Put your dukes up, you big mouth.
I don't believe this.
I knew you were a lousy little cowar
It's bigger than I thought.
The universe is dissolving!
Tarantoga and Tichy, such
show-offs!
Come on. Let's get back at them.
Two birds with one stone.
Off to Tarantoga!
And now?
We'll send this teleporter
in that one to Tarantoga.
Otherwise, Tichy will keep beaming
stuff back and forth in the rocket.
Who's the pants-pooper now, huh?
What's this?
A teleporter in a teleporter
A feedback or something?
Where are you going?
- I wanna go home!
The cosmos is ending,
we don't have a solution.
Go fire your cannon, shoot some and
primeval soup stuff into the void-hole.
That didn't do the trick last time, either!
Ok, it's better than nothing!
Where did he go?
Hey, Tarantoga, where are you?
Dr. Spamy?
What happened to your
ugly trunk-thing, huh?
Where is that scaredy-rat Tarantoga?
- He jumped in there
What's that?
Some kind of feedback
Tarantoga disappeared in there!
- What?
Hello?
Now I had a problem.
The Professor had disappeared
into a weird teleporter hole
So who was gonna shoot the cannon
at the void-hole now?
There was only one solution.
- Hold this!
I'm going down
the wet-water-wall
to look for that jackass professor.
And you're gonna help me!
You're gonna rope me down.
Mr. Tichy
Mel's a bit small for this job,
maybe I should do it?
You are now responsible for the rocket.
You are my substitute representative.
But only till I get back. Got that?
Sure.
All set to go?
- Yeah
Let do it!
It doesn't seem to go far.
He's coming back soon isn't he?
Mel!
Oh no!
Mr. Tichy!
Is this possible?
Mel-Fellow!
- Mr. Tichy!
Tarantoga!
- You have to save me! Please!
The brave professor, huh? Welcome
to my fun little vacation adventure!
Ok, I'm a coward. You win.
Just get me outta here!
Getting eaten by animals is
a totally new experience for me.
Happens to me all the time.
Let's take the back way out.
Trying to leave me behind, huh?
I wanna hide behind
my desk again.
Stop whining and tell us what
you know about this place?
Two teleporters coupling
could've opened up a wormhole.
A wormy hole?
A wormhole is a short cut
through a dimension.
We could be anywhere!
I think I know!
What?
We're being excreted!
Oh no, I'm in charge
I'm in charge,
I have to do something
Dr. Spamy?
Miroslav, we need to take charge.
Prove our qualities! You have to
shoot the cannon into the void!
Miroslav, you like me, don't you?
You want to earn recognition
and respect, don't you?
Alright. Then go to the cannon.
Come on, Dr. Spamy
Do it!
This is it! I'm home.
On my home planet!
What did you just say?
This earth
the type of plants it all fits!
It's proof that I'm home.
Hello!
Now I remembered: When Mel
was beamed to Tarantoga
he had that plant-stuff on his feet
and no memory
of where he came from.
It can't possibly be Mel's planet.
It's just not.
Hello? Anybody home?
Somebody like me?
Hello, it's me! Mel!
We don't have time for this.
The cosmos is being wiped out.
This planet as well.
Let's go!
Nobody's there.
I'll walk behind you
Come on
Oh, how sweet!
What's that?
How disgusting!
What's that?
Go away.
Hello! Is anybody there?
Who looks like me?
Hello, I'm back!
Well, Mel, it looks like no one's here.
I'm certain
this is not your planet.
It is, I'm sure of it. I've come
to the end of my search, Professor.
I'll meet my people soon.
They're just hiding
Mel, that's ridiculous
and you know it!
Maybe they're just shy, like me!
Dammit, Mel! You're never
going to find your planet.
It doesn't exist.
What? How can you say that?
You don't know that!
Enough of this.
You belong with me at
the Institute, and that's that!
You may be right.
There's no one here.
Oh no!
What is that?
Don't even try hiding!
Looks like this planet does have
something to do with you.
It's not possible
This is not how I imagined it!
Tell me what is going on here?
What
Why is his name there?
Where are we?
You know something
you're not telling me.
Okay
I admit it, I know exactly where
this wormhole has led us.
Listen Mel, it's like this
I can't hold on with just one arm.
Professor!
- It's your fault, Mel!
What is my fault?
Mel-fellow!
Not me!
TO BE CONTINUED
What's this?
SPACE PILOT.
Look at the floor, it's a mess!
Mr. Tichy
I'd appreciate more respect.
- You're joking!
I wanted an egg,
and the problem started!
The void has returned.
We're all gonna die.
It's the end of the universe.
But I've prepared a primeval soup
which needs to be shot through the
cosmo-gigantic cannon into the void.
It worked, I saved the universe!
What did you just say?
You saved the universe?
I did all the work!
This is my assistant Mel.
You ruffian!
You really know every corner
of the universe?
And
- What's going on here?
I had a stowaway!
What're you doing under my sofa bed?
- I don't know what I am
What kind of individual.
- Tarantoga treats him like a slave.
No one can tell me what planet
I come from.
These plant-remains were on my feet
when I came to Tarantoga.
It's the only clue to my heritage.
The worst thing was that
I had no more eggs.
My stomach was grumbling!
So I was on my way to the Egg Planet
at the other end of the galaxy!
SPACE PILO
The Star Diaries
Not this planet either
Freely produced by themes from the novel
"Star diaries" by Stanislaw Lem
Mr. Tichy, we're almost there.
The Egg Planet can't be far.
My belly's growling!
My knees are turning to jelly!
Didn't we agree I'd keep the kitchen
clean and you'd tidy up the control room?
Keep your eyes on the road!
I live here too.
I'm not letting you out until
you do what we agreed.
Ok, if that's what you want,
I'll stick to my end of the deal.
Her kitchen
I'll never find my home planet.
APPEARANCE AND REALITY
PART I
Here you go. Your kitchen
your problem!
What?
- My journey is over.
It seems I have no home planet.
We haven't found a single clue
to my heritage or my race.
According to the Encyclopedia
I don't even exist.
That's why I'm going back
to where I have a permanent
place and a function
to Professor Tarantoga.
To that old couch fart?
Let's make a deal.
From now on your function is
to clean this room.
You get to stay and have the right
to use the sleep-nest!
No!
Hello? Mr Tichy?
This Tarantoga was sneaky!
If he got my name right
it meant he had a cat up his sleeve.
What do you want?
- Mr. Tichy, a very good day to you.
How are you doing? I just wanted
to see if you were hungry?
Send my regards
to the pretty Mrs. Tichy
Why are you being so friendly nice?
I have a spare egg. I thought
you might be interested, hm?
Dr. Spamy could teleport it
to you right away.
An egg?
What do you want in return?
What I want?
My assistant Mel back! Dammit!
This dumb-twit didn't know
that the Mel-fellow wanted
to go back anyway.
I don't know. Just one egg?
Ok, two eggs.
Let me see
Alright, I'll do it! Two eggs
to send the Mel-fellow back, ok?
It's a deal! Then beam
those two eggs to that Tootly!
Tichy!
A wonderful, green landscape
with nice people and lots of trees.
That's how I always imagined
my home planet.
Listen, these plants and earth are proof
that your planet is out there somewhere.
You came through the teleporter.
You had to get in somewhere!
We'll find your planet!
What's that?
- An egg!
Melted into a blob?
- Our cosmic hero must have forgotten
not to put separate things
into the same teleporter!
Fair punishment for being
so infinitely presumptuous!
Only one egg?
That lying cheat!
Waiting for the water to boil, I tried,
with the second teleporter
to separate my melted clothes.
On the other side of my kitchen
That really went well.
You're almost brilliant!
You have a better idea?
I came to say good-bye.
- Mel?
Something keeps drawing me back
to Tarantoga. I can't resist.
It seems I belong there.
But I would like to thank you
for the exiting voyage to the
Egg Planet!
What? I had just wrecked
the Egg Planet!
The void-hole was inside, and started
wiping out the universe again!
Eh, Tushly! Where's Mel? Dammit!
Spamy beamed you the eggs.
You dumb-loser, don't know
nothing about nothing.
The void-hole is back, it was hiding
inside the Egg Planet!
The void is back? Impossible!
I shot a new evolution
and legitimized the universe.
You can't even count to two eggs.
I can too, you lousy crash pilot!
- One arm bandit!
What? I won't allow a back-seat driver
like you to speak to me like that!
I gonna beam myself to your rocket
and pick Mel up in person.
And punch you in the eye.
One arm will do!
Where's that loudmouth hero?
- Professor!
Mel! Pack your bags, you're coming
to the institute with me, now!
You deserved it.
You should treat Mel with more respect.
He's only human, after all.
What?
The Professor!
In my rocket!
Put your dukes up, you big mouth.
I don't believe this.
I knew you were a lousy little cowar
It's bigger than I thought.
The universe is dissolving!
Tarantoga and Tichy, such
show-offs!
Come on. Let's get back at them.
Two birds with one stone.
Off to Tarantoga!
And now?
We'll send this teleporter
in that one to Tarantoga.
Otherwise, Tichy will keep beaming
stuff back and forth in the rocket.
Who's the pants-pooper now, huh?
What's this?
A teleporter in a teleporter
A feedback or something?
Where are you going?
- I wanna go home!
The cosmos is ending,
we don't have a solution.
Go fire your cannon, shoot some and
primeval soup stuff into the void-hole.
That didn't do the trick last time, either!
Ok, it's better than nothing!
Where did he go?
Hey, Tarantoga, where are you?
Dr. Spamy?
What happened to your
ugly trunk-thing, huh?
Where is that scaredy-rat Tarantoga?
- He jumped in there
What's that?
Some kind of feedback
Tarantoga disappeared in there!
- What?
Hello?
Now I had a problem.
The Professor had disappeared
into a weird teleporter hole
So who was gonna shoot the cannon
at the void-hole now?
There was only one solution.
- Hold this!
I'm going down
the wet-water-wall
to look for that jackass professor.
And you're gonna help me!
You're gonna rope me down.
Mr. Tichy
Mel's a bit small for this job,
maybe I should do it?
You are now responsible for the rocket.
You are my substitute representative.
But only till I get back. Got that?
Sure.
All set to go?
- Yeah
Let do it!
It doesn't seem to go far.
He's coming back soon isn't he?
Mel!
Oh no!
Mr. Tichy!
Is this possible?
Mel-Fellow!
- Mr. Tichy!
Tarantoga!
- You have to save me! Please!
The brave professor, huh? Welcome
to my fun little vacation adventure!
Ok, I'm a coward. You win.
Just get me outta here!
Getting eaten by animals is
a totally new experience for me.
Happens to me all the time.
Let's take the back way out.
Trying to leave me behind, huh?
I wanna hide behind
my desk again.
Stop whining and tell us what
you know about this place?
Two teleporters coupling
could've opened up a wormhole.
A wormy hole?
A wormhole is a short cut
through a dimension.
We could be anywhere!
I think I know!
What?
We're being excreted!
Oh no, I'm in charge
I'm in charge,
I have to do something
Dr. Spamy?
Miroslav, we need to take charge.
Prove our qualities! You have to
shoot the cannon into the void!
Miroslav, you like me, don't you?
You want to earn recognition
and respect, don't you?
Alright. Then go to the cannon.
Come on, Dr. Spamy
Do it!
This is it! I'm home.
On my home planet!
What did you just say?
This earth
the type of plants it all fits!
It's proof that I'm home.
Hello!
Now I remembered: When Mel
was beamed to Tarantoga
he had that plant-stuff on his feet
and no memory
of where he came from.
It can't possibly be Mel's planet.
It's just not.
Hello? Anybody home?
Somebody like me?
Hello, it's me! Mel!
We don't have time for this.
The cosmos is being wiped out.
This planet as well.
Let's go!
Nobody's there.
I'll walk behind you
Come on
Oh, how sweet!
What's that?
How disgusting!
What's that?
Go away.
Hello! Is anybody there?
Who looks like me?
Hello, I'm back!
Well, Mel, it looks like no one's here.
I'm certain
this is not your planet.
It is, I'm sure of it. I've come
to the end of my search, Professor.
I'll meet my people soon.
They're just hiding
Mel, that's ridiculous
and you know it!
Maybe they're just shy, like me!
Dammit, Mel! You're never
going to find your planet.
It doesn't exist.
What? How can you say that?
You don't know that!
Enough of this.
You belong with me at
the Institute, and that's that!
You may be right.
There's no one here.
Oh no!
What is that?
Don't even try hiding!
Looks like this planet does have
something to do with you.
It's not possible
This is not how I imagined it!
Tell me what is going on here?
What
Why is his name there?
Where are we?
You know something
you're not telling me.
Okay
I admit it, I know exactly where
this wormhole has led us.
Listen Mel, it's like this
I can't hold on with just one arm.
Professor!
- It's your fault, Mel!
What is my fault?
Mel-fellow!
Not me!
TO BE CONTINUED
What's this?