Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e16 Episode Script
Junk in the Trunk
narrator: Coming up oh, I love that store.
narrator: Why is sal backing oh, I love that store.
narrator: Why is sal backing into trouble? narrator: Why is sal backing into trouble? [ laughter .]
Into trouble? [ laughter .]
why is q calling it quits? [ laughter .]
why is q calling it quits? you can take this mop and Why is q calling it quits? you can take this mop and shove it! you can take this mop and shove it! [ laughter .]
Shove it! [ laughter .]
narrator: And what did [ laughter .]
narrator: And what did tonight's big loser do to narrator: And what did tonight's big loser do to deserve this? Tonight's big loser do to deserve this? oh, my god! Deserve this? oh, my god! What the [bleep.]
oh, my god! What the [bleep.]
prepare for something What the [bleep.]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're pairing up, giving presentations at the downtown conference center, but Giving presentations at the downtown conference center, but we will not know the topic of Downtown conference center, but we will not know the topic of the presentation until we're in We will not know the topic of the presentation until we're in the room.
The presentation until we're in the room.
not only that, but the slides The room.
not only that, but the slides themselves will have nothing to not only that, but the slides themselves will have nothing to do with the topic because the Themselves will have nothing to do with the topic because the presentations have been made Do with the topic because the presentations have been made by the other guys.
we'll ask the attendees to raise their hands if they thought our presentations were Raise their hands if they thought our presentations were well done.
Thought our presentations were well done.
Whoever gets the fewest hands Whoever gets the fewest hands raised loses.
Bring it, suckas! stop it, james.
stop it, james.
sorry.
sorry.
You gonna be able to talk your You gonna be able to talk your way through this? Way through this? uh uh you know, sal has a history you know, sal has a history of walking out of the room when Of walking out of the room when you guys are partners.
yeah, I know.
Tners.
I should stand next to the door.
I should stand next to the door.
yeah, you block him so he yeah, you block him so he can't get out.
[ both laugh .]
Can't get out.
[ both laugh .]
yeah, I should cut off your [ both laugh .]
yeah, I should cut off your escape route.
yeah, I should cut off your escape route.
I'll tell you right now -- Escape route.
I'll tell you right now -- just don't shoot any crazy looks I'll tell you right now -- just don't shoot any crazy looks my way.
Just don't shoot any crazy looks my way.
Don't do that.
My way.
Don't do that.
[ both laugh .]
Don't do that.
[ both laugh .]
how's it going? [ both laugh .]
how's it going? Have a seat.
Welcome.
Welcome.
how's it going? Have a seat.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Have a seat anywhere you'd like.
Have a seat.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Have a seat anywhere you'd like.
How we doing? Have a seat anywhere you'd like.
How we doing? good.
You? How we doing? good.
You? well, thank you, guys, for good.
You? well, thank you, guys, for coming in.
well, thank you, guys, for coming in.
We are a marketing team that are Coming in.
We are a marketing team that are about to go on a road show.
We are a marketing team that are about to go on a road show.
We're about to give this About to go on a road show.
We're about to give this presentation to different groups We're about to give this presentation to different groups of people.
Presentation to different groups of people.
we're gonna see if we're Of people.
we're gonna see if we're ready, if we need improvements, we're gonna see if we're ready, if we need improvements, and that's all gonna come from Ready, if we need improvements, and that's all gonna come from your feedback -- nice and easy.
And that's all gonna come from your feedback -- nice and easy.
okay? All right.
So, our topic is "problems facing the african elephant.
" we've all been concerned we've all been concerned about the african elephant.
sure, sure.
About the african elephant.
sure, sure.
this is an environmental, sure, sure.
this is an environmental, eco-conscious effort that we're this is an environmental, eco-conscious effort that we're just spreading the word on.
Eco-conscious effort that we're just spreading the word on.
that is really specific, very Just spreading the word on.
that is really specific, very specific topic.
that is really specific, very specific topic.
[ laughs .]
Specific topic.
[ laughs .]
so, the african elephant -- [ laughs .]
so, the african elephant -- when is enough, enough? so, the african elephant -- when is enough, enough? It's soon when it comes to the When is enough, enough? It's soon when it comes to the elephant.
It's soon when it comes to the elephant.
this elderly couple Elephant.
this elderly couple represents the twilight years of this elderly couple represents the twilight years of the african elephant.
Represents the twilight years of the african elephant.
okay.
The african elephant.
okay.
"when we do, we go bye bye," okay.
"when we do, we go bye bye," and that's -- [ laughs .]
"when we do, we go bye bye," and that's -- [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
And that's -- [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
look at joe's face.
[ laughter .]
look at joe's face.
"when we do, we go bye bye.
" look at joe's face.
"when we do, we go bye bye.
" abe lincolns.
"when we do, we go bye bye.
" abe lincolns.
you guys know abe lincolns? Abe lincolns.
you guys know abe lincolns? [ laughter .]
no, you don't know abe lincolns? Abe lincolns? Well, abe lincolns is a famed Well, abe lincolns is a famed child author.
and you know what it is? Child author.
and you know what it is? A lot of people don't know who and you know what it is? A lot of people don't know who abe lincolns is 'cause when you A lot of people don't know who abe lincolns is 'cause when you type in like an internet search, Abe lincolns is 'cause when you type in like an internet search, you're always gonna see the Type in like an internet search, you're always gonna see the president first.
You're always gonna see the president first.
you're always gonna see President first.
you're always gonna see abraham, which is unfortunate you're always gonna see abraham, which is unfortunate for abe lincolns 'cause he's a Abraham, which is unfortunate for abe lincolns 'cause he's a hell of an author that just For abe lincolns 'cause he's a hell of an author that just can't get the recognition he Hell of an author that just can't get the recognition he needs 'cause google searches.
Can't get the recognition he needs 'cause google searches.
wow.
Needs 'cause google searches.
wow.
[ laughter .]
wow.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ spooky voice .]
gho-o-o-o-sts.
okay.
[ spooky voice .]
gho-o-o-o-sts.
[ laughter .]
[ spooky voice .]
gho-o-o-o-sts.
[ laughter .]
right.
[ laughter .]
right.
This is, uh -- Right.
This is, uh -- what we're saying -- This is, uh -- what we're saying -- what's the elephant in the what we're saying -- what's the elephant in the room? what's the elephant in the room? yes.
Room? yes.
there is no elephant in this yes.
there is no elephant in this room because they're all dead.
there is no elephant in this room because they're all dead.
aww.
Room because they're all dead.
aww.
[ laughter .]
aww.
[ laughter .]
now we start going into [ laughter .]
now we start going into addressing the real problems of now we start going into addressing the real problems of african elephants.
Addressing the real problems of african elephants.
[ laughter .]
African elephants.
[ laughter .]
good luck with that slide! [ laughter .]
good luck with that slide! uh, this is, uh good luck with that slide! uh, this is, uh [ chuckling .]
look at sal.
uh, this is, uh [ chuckling .]
look at sal.
this is a population quota -- [ chuckling .]
look at sal.
this is a population quota -- a population-quota effort this is a population quota -- a population-quota effort projection.
A population-quota effort projection.
That's what this is up here.
Projection.
That's what this is up here.
[ laughter .]
That's what this is up here.
[ laughter .]
and this graphic means the range [ laughter .]
and this graphic means the range of elephants.
And this graphic means the range of elephants.
And we're hoping to get the Of elephants.
And we're hoping to get the number up to 8,888 by the year, And we're hoping to get the number up to 8,888 by the year, uh, 8,000 -- 9,000? Number up to 8,888 by the year, uh, 8,000 -- 9,000? [ laughs .]
Uh, 8,000 -- 9,000? [ laughs .]
there he goes, joe.
[ laughs .]
there he goes, joe.
There he goes.
there he goes, joe.
There he goes.
right? There he goes.
right? there's your partner.
right? there's your partner.
if we do the normal thing there's your partner.
if we do the normal thing here, we can make this come if we do the normal thing here, we can make this come back, and by the year 9,000 Here, we can make this come back, and by the year 9,000 [ laughter .]
Back, and by the year 9,000 [ laughter .]
We'll have 8,888 african [ laughter .]
We'll have 8,888 african elephants.
We'll have 8,888 african elephants.
"act today, and by the year Elephants.
"act today, and by the year "act today, and by the year this one -- we're probably this one -- we're probably gonna take this one out.
this one -- we're probably gonna take this one out.
take everything out.
Gonna take this one out.
take everything out.
take all of our slides out at take everything out.
take all of our slides out at this point? take all of our slides out at this point? [ woman laughs .]
This point? [ woman laughs .]
I feel like you need to [ woman laughs .]
I feel like you need to explain every slide to us I feel like you need to explain every slide to us because it has nothing to do Explain every slide to us because it has nothing to do with african elephants.
Because it has nothing to do with african elephants.
oh, she's got your number, With african elephants.
oh, she's got your number, buddy! oh, she's got your number, buddy! the next slide, the next Buddy! the next slide, the next slide.
the next slide, the next slide.
okay.
Slide.
okay.
hopefully this will clear it okay.
hopefully this will clear it up.
hopefully this will clear it up.
[ laughter .]
Up.
[ laughter .]
wow, you really clarified [ laughter .]
wow, you really clarified that one for everybody.
wow, you really clarified that one for everybody.
and that's it.
That one for everybody.
and that's it.
So, by show of hands here, who and that's it.
So, by show of hands here, who thinks that we're ready to take So, by show of hands here, who thinks that we're ready to take this out on the road? Thinks that we're ready to take this out on the road? [ stifled laughter .]
This out on the road? [ stifled laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ stifled laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughter .]
they're laughing in your [ laughter .]
they're laughing in your face! they're laughing in your face! no one thinks we're ready to Face! no one thinks we're ready to go? no one thinks we're ready to go? if you're gonna do something Go? if you're gonna do something about elephants, then I think if you're gonna do something about elephants, then I think you need to show elephants.
About elephants, then I think you need to show elephants.
we clearly have some work You need to show elephants.
we clearly have some work to do.
we clearly have some work to do.
thank you very much.
To do.
thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
and you can't -- you can't do Thank you.
Thank you.
and you can't -- you can't do things that make you laugh.
and you can't -- you can't do things that make you laugh.
I know.
Things that make you laugh.
I know.
yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
yeah.
Yeah.
you got to work on that.
yeah.
Yeah.
you got to work on that.
he's terrible at the you got to work on that.
he's terrible at the laughing.
he's terrible at the laughing.
because then it almost seems Laughing.
because then it almost seems like -- close the door.
because then it almost seems like -- close the door.
they're trying to leave.
Like -- close the door.
they're trying to leave.
They won't let them.
they're trying to leave.
They won't let them.
it didn't make any sense.
They won't let them.
it didn't make any sense.
I don't think he's gonna get it didn't make any sense.
I don't think he's gonna get through to you with that I don't think he's gonna get through to you with that statistic.
Through to you with that statistic.
but that's my point.
Statistic.
but that's my point.
But that would mean -- but that's my point.
But that would mean -- that's your work product.
But that would mean -- that's your work product.
that's work product, yes.
that's your work product.
that's work product, yes.
it has nothing to do with the that's work product, yes.
it has nothing to do with the audience.
it has nothing to do with the audience.
no, I got to get out of here.
Audience.
no, I got to get out of here.
I need to go.
no, I got to get out of here.
I need to go.
all right.
All right.
I need to go.
all right.
All right.
right.
all right.
All right.
right.
thank you.
right.
thank you.
um, you need to relate to the thank you.
um, you need to relate to the elephants.
um, you need to relate to the elephants.
save the elephants.
Elephants.
save the elephants.
wow, they got creamed.
hi, everybody.
How are you? please have a seat.
please have a seat.
Hello, sir.
Hello, sir.
have a seat.
have a seat.
Make yourself comfortable.
So, what we're doing today is, Make yourself comfortable.
So, what we're doing today is, we'll tell you what the topic So, what we're doing today is, we'll tell you what the topic is, and then we'll take you Is, and then we'll take you through a series of slides.
At the end, we'll ask you your thoughts on the presentation.
Thoughts on the presentation.
good luck weaving this story good luck weaving this story together, boys.
Together, boys.
and this is -- the topic is and this is -- the topic is "make time to meditate," which a "make time to meditate," which a today's busy times.
Do in Today's busy times.
Do in okay, so, meditation.
okay, so, meditation.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
what is? [ laughter .]
what is? hashtag, fiesta.
hashtag, fiesta.
[ mexican music playing .]
You know, you got to have your downtime, too.
Downtime, too.
You got to relax.
You got to relax.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you can meditate on the dance you can meditate on the dance floor, shaking that booty.
yeah.
Floor, shaking that booty.
yeah.
[ laughs .]
yeah.
[ laughs .]
shake that booty.
[ laughs .]
shake that booty.
that wasn't good! shake that booty.
that wasn't good! What are they, giving themselves that wasn't good! What are they, giving themselves props? What are they, giving themselves props? That was horrible.
Props? That was horrible.
[ laughter .]
That was horrible.
[ laughter .]
stress is the terminal [ laughter .]
stress is the terminal illness none of us can escape, stress is the terminal illness none of us can escape, not even if you're gorgeous or Illness none of us can escape, not even if you're gorgeous or in lingerie.
Not even if you're gorgeous or in lingerie.
[ laughter .]
In lingerie.
[ laughter .]
this guy with the hat.
[ laughter .]
this guy with the hat.
He's like this -- "what the this guy with the hat.
He's like this -- "what the [bleep.]
is he talking about?" [ laughter .]
what? what? that's gross.
[ laughter .]
that's gross.
[ laughter .]
get married to your brain.
[ laughter .]
get married to your brain.
that's a piece of chicken.
get married to your brain.
that's a piece of chicken.
that's uncooked chicken.
that's a piece of chicken.
that's uncooked chicken.
[ laughter .]
that's uncooked chicken.
[ laughter .]
oh, is that chicken? [ laughter .]
oh, is that chicken? it's not a brain.
oh, is that chicken? it's not a brain.
It's uncooked chicken.
it's not a brain.
It's uncooked chicken.
[ laughs .]
It's uncooked chicken.
[ laughs .]
looks like a brain to me, so [ laughs .]
looks like a brain to me, so I'm gonna take it.
looks like a brain to me, so I'm gonna take it.
oh! Stop high-fiving.
I'm gonna take it.
oh! Stop high-fiving.
There's no reason.
oh! Stop high-fiving.
There's no reason.
okay.
There's no reason.
okay.
It's diamonds falling into a okay.
It's diamonds falling into a dog's mouth.
It's diamonds falling into a dog's mouth.
"diamonds in the 'ruff.
'" Dog's mouth.
"diamonds in the 'ruff.
'" I get it.
"diamonds in the 'ruff.
'" I get it.
oh, you got "diamonds in the I get it.
oh, you got "diamonds in the 'ruff'"? oh, you got "diamonds in the 'ruff'"? She just got it! 'ruff'"? She just got it! you are all diamonds in the She just got it! you are all diamonds in the rough.
you are all diamonds in the rough.
The way you polish that diamond Rough.
The way you polish that diamond is? The way you polish that diamond is? together: Meditation! Is? together: Meditation! that's it.
together: Meditation! that's it.
oh, come on! that's it.
oh, come on! I feel like this is coming oh, come on! I feel like this is coming around.
I feel like this is coming around.
That's the end.
Around.
That's the end.
So, by show of hands, how many That's the end.
So, by show of hands, how many of you think our road show is So, by show of hands, how many of you think our road show is ready to be taken out to the Of you think our road show is ready to be taken out to the public? Ready to be taken out to the public? [ laughs .]
Public? [ laughs .]
oh, well [ laughs .]
oh, well oh, come on! oh, well oh, come on! meditation.
[ laughter .]
narrator: Sal and joe narrator: Sal and joe couldn't save the elephants or themselves, so they're first up Couldn't save the elephants or themselves, so they're first up on the loser board.
Themselves, so they're first up on the loser board.
today we're at the On the loser board.
today we're at the jersey gardens mall making today we're at the jersey gardens mall making connections -- physical Jersey gardens mall making connections -- physical connections, that is.
Connections -- physical connections, that is.
that's right.
Connections, that is.
that's right.
We're using these spinners to that's right.
We're using these spinners to determine which two body parts We're using these spinners to determine which two body parts need to physically connect.
Determine which two body parts need to physically connect.
the first spin determines the Need to physically connect.
the first spin determines the body part of the joker.
the first spin determines the body part of the joker.
and our second spin decides Body part of the joker.
and our second spin decides the body part of a stranger.
if you can't make your thing touch their thing, you lose.
Touch murr's nose with yours.
Oh! Joker vs.
Joker! Oh! Joker vs.
Joker! ah! ah! you see what I did there?! you see what I did there?! we fell for it! we fell for it! narrator: It's murr versus narrator: It's murr versus sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
Sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
all right.
all right.
all right, here we go.
this looks like a board game all right, here we go.
this looks like a board game murray would have.
this looks like a board game murray would have.
[ laughs .]
Murray would have.
[ laughs .]
I think he's just gonna spin [ laughs .]
I think he's just gonna spin till he gets "butt.
" I think he's just gonna spin till he gets "butt.
" isn't all of life just a spin Till he gets "butt.
" isn't all of life just a spin until we get "butt"? isn't all of life just a spin until we get "butt"? [ laughter .]
Until we get "butt"? [ laughter .]
I hope it's something on this [ laughter .]
I hope it's something on this side.
I hope it's something on this side.
Oh.
Side.
Oh.
[ laughter .]
Oh.
[ laughter .]
oh, what happened? [ laughter .]
oh, what happened? well, joe, let's see how this Oh, what happened? well, joe, let's see how this goes.
well, joe, let's see how this goes.
[ laughs .]
Goes.
[ laughs .]
ah! [ laughs .]
ah! ah! ah! ah! [ laughter .]
ah! [ laughter .]
groin to ear! [ laughter .]
groin to ear! how? groin to ear! how? that's for you to figure out.
here's the approach.
I'm gonna use people's I'm gonna use people's generosity and kindness against them.
Generosity and kindness against them.
that's the same reason why Them.
that's the same reason why sal is still friends with you.
that's the same reason why sal is still friends with you.
[ laughter .]
Sal is still friends with you.
[ laughter .]
oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god, stuff everywhere.
Can you give me a hand, buddy? Oh, my god, stuff everywhere.
Can you give me a hand, buddy? No? Can you give me a hand, buddy? No? your acting gets worse and No? your acting gets worse and worse.
your acting gets worse and worse.
oh [bleep.]
Worse.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
Do you want to -- Oh, my god.
Do you want to -- not even one person has Do you want to -- not even one person has stopped to help you.
not even one person has stopped to help you.
oh [bleep.]
Stopped to help you.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
I see that happen, maybe my Oh, my god.
I see that happen, maybe my first gut instinct is to be I see that happen, maybe my first gut instinct is to be like, "let me go help him," and First gut instinct is to be like, "let me go help him," and then I see a jacket and paper Like, "let me go help him," and then I see a jacket and paper plates, and I'm like, "what?" Then I see a jacket and paper plates, and I'm like, "what?" what were you shopping for, a Plates, and I'm like, "what?" what were you shopping for, a cold picnic? What were you shopping for, a cold picnic? [ laughs .]
Cold picnic? [ laughs .]
thank you.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
Thank you so much.
thank you.
Thank you so much.
I dropped everything.
Thank you so much.
I dropped everything.
I dropped everything.
I dropped everything.
I dropped everything.
Thank you so much.
I dropped everything.
Thank you so much.
[ laughs .]
Thank you so much.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
Yeah, there's stuff over there, thank you.
Yeah, there's stuff over there, too.
Yeah, there's stuff over there, too.
Just -- oh, sorry, man.
Too.
Just -- oh, sorry, man.
I'm just trying to get it all Just -- oh, sorry, man.
I'm just trying to get it all together.
I'm just trying to get it all together.
you look like a freight train Together.
you look like a freight train going toward his ear.
you look like a freight train going toward his ear.
Let's just try to -- Going toward his ear.
Let's just try to -- thank -- Let's just try to -- thank -- he's going down in flames.
Thank -- he's going down in flames.
thank you.
he's going down in flames.
thank you.
no problem.
thank you.
no problem.
thank you so much.
no problem.
thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
That didn't work at all.
I appreciate that.
That didn't work at all.
[ laughs .]
That didn't work at all.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
so, basically, he picked up [ laughter .]
so, basically, he picked up every last item for you while so, basically, he picked up every last item for you while you hovered above his head.
Every last item for you while you hovered above his head.
I got another idea.
You hovered above his head.
I got another idea.
on your new idea, what's your I got another idea.
on your new idea, what's your approach? on your new idea, what's your approach? you're gonna find out.
Approach? you're gonna find out.
[ chuckles .]
you're gonna find out.
[ chuckles .]
taking advantage of that [ chuckles .]
taking advantage of that kindness.
taking advantage of that kindness.
buddy, could I ask you a Kindness.
buddy, could I ask you a favor? buddy, could I ask you a favor? I pulled my sciatic nerve.
Favor? I pulled my sciatic nerve.
And I keep tripping on my damn I pulled my sciatic nerve.
And I keep tripping on my damn laces.
And I keep tripping on my damn laces.
I can't -- Laces.
I can't -- can you -- I can't -- can you -- can you? can you -- can you? Thank you so much.
can you? Thank you so much.
[ laughter .]
Thank you so much.
[ laughter .]
it's head on.
[ laughter .]
it's head on.
He can't get around him.
it's head on.
He can't get around him.
How's he gonna get around him? He can't get around him.
How's he gonna get around him? oh, I-I -- it hurts.
How's he gonna get around him? oh, I-I -- it hurts.
I have to spin around.
I have to spin around.
he's not gonna get it.
The angle's all off.
he's not gonna get it.
The angle's all off.
the angle's all wrong.
The angle's all off.
the angle's all wrong.
thank you so much, man.
the angle's all wrong.
thank you so much, man.
[ chuckling .]
oh! thank you so much, man.
[ chuckling .]
oh! [ laughter .]
[ chuckling .]
oh! [ laughter .]
thank you so much.
[ laughter .]
thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
[ laughs .]
I really appreciate it.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god.
I was this close to his ear.
oh, my god.
I was this close to his ear.
like in many situations, you I was this close to his ear.
like in many situations, you just needed that much more in like in many situations, you just needed that much more in the groin area.
Just needed that much more in the groin area.
[ laughs .]
The groin area.
[ laughs .]
[ buzzing .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzing .]
here we go.
[ buzzing .]
here we go.
here we go.
here we go.
here we go.
come on! here we go.
come on! Ah! come on! Ah! oh! Ah! oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
your butt! [ laughter .]
your butt! just on the butt! your butt! just on the butt! the only thing acceptable just on the butt! the only thing acceptable here maybe isNothing.
the only thing acceptable here maybe isNothing.
butt to butt would be great.
Here maybe isNothing.
butt to butt would be great.
ah! butt to butt would be great.
ah! wow, I couldn't believe it! ah! wow, I couldn't believe it! I call -- wow, I couldn't believe it! I call -- your butt to someone's I call -- your butt to someone's forehead.
your butt to someone's forehead.
aww, come on, man.
Forehead.
aww, come on, man.
get on out there.
my forehead to their butt.
no, it's the other way no, it's the other way [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
I just want to avoid just I just want to avoid just slamming my forehead into Slamming my forehead into someone's butt.
Someone's butt.
that's it, buddy.
that's it, buddy.
idiot.
this is all gonna be for idiot.
this is all gonna be for nothing.
this is all gonna be for nothing.
oh, the directory.
Nothing.
oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
[ laughs .]
Oh, my shoe.
[ laughs .]
"oh, the directory.
[ laughs .]
"oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
" "oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
" [ laughter .]
Oh, my shoe.
" [ laughter .]
wow! [ laughter .]
wow! wow! wow! wow! hey, how you feeling, bud? wow! hey, how you feeling, bud? feeling good, baby.
hey, how you feeling, bud? feeling good, baby.
too bad it's supposed to feeling good, baby.
too bad it's supposed to be too bad it's supposed to be together: Your butt on Be together: Your butt on someone's forehead! together: Your butt on someone's forehead! you idiot! Someone's forehead! you idiot! [ laughter .]
you idiot! [ laughter .]
how did you forget that?! [ laughter .]
how did you forget that?! oh, so the whole time, you How did you forget that?! oh, so the whole time, you were waiting for me to do that? oh, so the whole time, you were waiting for me to do that? pretty much, yeah.
Were waiting for me to do that? pretty much, yeah.
bunch of [bleep.]
pretty much, yeah.
bunch of [bleep.]
you would know.
bunch of [bleep.]
you would know.
You were so close to one you would know.
You were so close to one recently.
You were so close to one recently.
that's nice.
Recently.
that's nice.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you got two feet off the ground.
you got two feet off the ground.
[ laughs .]
Ground.
[ laughs .]
you had four more feet to go.
[ laughs .]
you had four more feet to go.
what's your point? you had four more feet to go.
what's your point? If you made contact, you're what's your point? If you made contact, you're gonna that guy out cold.
If you made contact, you're gonna that guy out cold.
[ laughs .]
Gonna that guy out cold.
[ laughs .]
you got to get higher than [ laughs .]
you got to get higher than them.
you got to get higher than them.
I'm gonna go on the Them.
I'm gonna go on the escalator.
I'm gonna go on the escalator.
all right, the escalator's Escalator.
all right, the escalator's the way to go.
all right, the escalator's the way to go.
yeah.
The way to go.
yeah.
here we go.
yeah.
here we go.
this could work.
here we go.
this could work.
The guy's got a big forehead.
this could work.
The guy's got a big forehead.
he's got a lot of surface The guy's got a big forehead.
he's got a lot of surface area to work with.
he's got a lot of surface area to work with.
[ laughs .]
Area to work with.
[ laughs .]
and sal's got a big ass, so [ laughs .]
and sal's got a big ass, so it all works out.
and sal's got a big ass, so it all works out.
[ chuckles .]
It all works out.
[ chuckles .]
it's not even near his [ chuckles .]
it's not even near his forehead.
it's not even near his forehead.
oh, I love that store.
Forehead.
oh, I love that store.
[ laughs .]
oh, I love that store.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god! [ laughs .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
this is just embarrassing.
[ laughter .]
this is just embarrassing.
look how he's trying! this is just embarrassing.
look how he's trying! [ laughs .]
look how he's trying! [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
just take the thumb, sal.
[ laughter .]
just take the thumb, sal.
[ buzzer .]
just take the thumb, sal.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Both murr and sal [ buzzer .]
narrator: Both murr and sal were out of touch, so they wind narrator: Both murr and sal were out of touch, so they wind up on the loser board.
Were out of touch, so they wind up on the loser board.
enough is enough.
We quit.
Up on the loser board.
enough is enough.
We quit.
today joe and q will be enough is enough.
We quit.
today joe and q will be posing as employees at different today joe and q will be posing as employees at different businesses.
Posing as employees at different businesses.
but not for long 'cause me Businesses.
but not for long 'cause me and q are gonna have to quit in but not for long 'cause me and q are gonna have to quit in front of a ton of people.
And q are gonna have to quit in front of a ton of people.
the reason that we're Front of a ton of people.
the reason that we're quitting is gonna be given the reason that we're quitting is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
the goal is to get the crowd to applause for you, matter how ridiculous the reason.
To applause for you, matter how ridiculous the reason.
if they can't rile up the if they can't rile up the crowd, they lose.
I am out of here! whoa.
whoa.
narrator: It's joe vs.
Q in a narrator: It's joe vs.
Q in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
the soup of the day's the lentil soup.
Lentil soup.
all right, joe.
all right, joe.
You ready, buddy? [ laughter .]
You ready, buddy? [ laughter .]
it's a beautiful night for [ laughter .]
it's a beautiful night for a quitski it's a beautiful night for a quitski [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I've had it, fellas.
yeah, I know you have.
I've had it, fellas.
yeah, I know you have.
I know you have.
yeah, I know you have.
I know you have.
[ sighs heavily .]
I know you have.
[ sighs heavily .]
there are 100 people in [ sighs heavily .]
there are 100 people in this there are 100 people in this I can't wait for this.
This I can't wait for this.
[ indistinct conversations .]
I can't wait for this.
[ indistinct conversations .]
excuse me, ladies and [ indistinct conversations .]
excuse me, ladies and gentlemen! excuse me, ladies and gentlemen! Can I have your attention for a Gentlemen! Can I have your attention for a moment, carnegie deli diners.
Can I have your attention for a moment, carnegie deli diners.
[ conversations stop .]
Moment, carnegie deli diners.
[ conversations stop .]
oh, my god.
[ conversations stop .]
oh, my god.
I have had it with this place oh, my god.
I have had it with this place and what goes on! I have had it with this place and what goes on! So I am going to quit today for And what goes on! So I am going to quit today for this reason -- So I am going to quit today for this reason -- "I'm gonna manage a boy band This reason -- "I'm gonna manage a boy band that I put together" "I'm gonna manage a boy band that I put together" I am going to manage a boy That I put together" I am going to manage a boy band that I put together I am going to manage a boy band that I put together "Called yolo boyz" Band that I put together "Called yolo boyz" Called yolo boyz "Called yolo boyz" Called yolo boyz "With a 'z.
'" Called yolo boyz "With a 'z.
'" With a "z" on the end.
"With a 'z.
'" With a "z" on the end.
[ laughter .]
With a "z" on the end.
[ laughter .]
so, it's "yolo boyz.
" [ laughter .]
so, it's "yolo boyz.
" [ laughter .]
So, it's "yolo boyz.
" [ laughter .]
enough with the pastrami! [ laughter .]
enough with the pastrami! Who needs this many free Enough with the pastrami! Who needs this many free pickles? Who needs this many free pickles? [ laughter .]
Pickles? [ laughter .]
the "you only live once boyz" [ laughter .]
the "you only live once boyz" has everything you need for a The "you only live once boyz" has everything you need for a great boy band, including and Has everything you need for a great boy band, including and not limited to ricardo, who's a Great boy band, including and not limited to ricardo, who's a bad boy, but has the right Not limited to ricardo, who's a bad boy, but has the right amount of street.
Bad boy, but has the right amount of street.
[ laughter .]
Amount of street.
[ laughter .]
then you've got frederick, who's [ laughter .]
then you've got frederick, who's a smart look, but, hey, you Then you've got frederick, who's a smart look, but, hey, you don't want to be alone with him A smart look, but, hey, you don't want to be alone with him because, you know, he could get Don't want to be alone with him because, you know, he could get hands-y.
Because, you know, he could get hands-y.
[ laughter .]
Hands-y.
[ laughter .]
then there's derek -- the right [ laughter .]
then there's derek -- the right amount of flair, the wrong Then there's derek -- the right amount of flair, the wrong amount of hair.
Amount of flair, the wrong amount of hair.
[ laughter .]
Amount of hair.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry, carnegie deli.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry, carnegie deli.
I do love your "sandweeches," I'm sorry, carnegie deli.
I do love your "sandweeches," but if I could have your support I do love your "sandweeches," but if I could have your support in chasing the "you only live But if I could have your support in chasing the "you only live once boyz" motto -- hey, do it, In chasing the "you only live once boyz" motto -- hey, do it, but do it with a "z.
" Once boyz" motto -- hey, do it, but do it with a "z.
" [ laughter .]
But do it with a "z.
" [ laughter .]
you have to get them to [ laughter .]
you have to get them to applaud.
you have to get them to applaud.
so, if you could cheer me on Applaud.
so, if you could cheer me on into my endeavors, I'd so, if you could cheer me on into my endeavors, I'd appreciate it 'cause I'm out of [ cheers and applause .]
I am out of here! together: Oh! I am out of here! together: Oh! you only live once, pastrami! together: Oh! you only live once, pastrami! You only live once, roast beef! you only live once, pastrami! You only live once, roast beef! Thank you.
Enjoy your day.
You only live once, roast beef! Thank you.
Enjoy your day.
You pay up left.
Thank you.
Enjoy your day.
You pay up left.
[ laughter .]
You pay up left.
[ laughter .]
[ bell dings .]
[ laughter .]
[ bell dings .]
now it's q's turn to quit.
q actually looks like this is his real job.
[ laughter .]
His real job.
[ laughter .]
I hope you're ready to quit [ laughter .]
I hope you're ready to quit this job, q.
I hope you're ready to quit this job, q.
I quit mine.
This job, q.
I quit mine.
ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
Can I just get your [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
Can I just get your attention for one second? Can I just get your attention for one second? oh, my god! Attention for one second? oh, my god! today I'm quitting this job oh, my god! today I'm quitting this job because today I'm quitting this job because "all of a sudden" Because "all of a sudden" All of a sudden "all of a sudden" All of a sudden "They don't want me living All of a sudden "They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
" "They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
" [ tape slows .]
In the dumpsters no more.
" [ tape slows .]
[ laughter .]
[ tape slows .]
[ laughter .]
They don't want me living [ laughter .]
They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
[ laughter .]
In the dumpsters no more.
[ laughter .]
think about what that means [ laughter .]
think about what that means about me and my life Think about what that means about me and my life Chicken-eating lady.
About me and my life Chicken-eating lady.
[ laughter .]
Chicken-eating lady.
[ laughter .]
I go from work to the dumpsters [ laughter .]
I go from work to the dumpsters right outside -- great commute.
I go from work to the dumpsters right outside -- great commute.
they don't care about your Right outside -- great commute.
they don't care about your commute.
they don't care about your commute.
they don't care.
Commute.
they don't care.
They're eating their lunch.
they don't care.
They're eating their lunch.
They don't care.
They're eating their lunch.
They don't care.
You got to get them to come They don't care.
You got to get them to come around, q.
You got to get them to come around, q.
I get to sleep in what I Around, q.
I get to sleep in what I work in.
I get to sleep in what I work in.
I get to work in what I Work in.
I get to work in what I sleep in.
I get to work in what I sleep in.
Very reasonable rent.
Sleep in.
Very reasonable rent.
If I'm hungry, I get to eat.
Very reasonable rent.
If I'm hungry, I get to eat.
Sir, the chicken you're If I'm hungry, I get to eat.
Sir, the chicken you're eating -- at the end of the Sir, the chicken you're eating -- at the end of the night, I get to eat that.
Eating -- at the end of the night, I get to eat that.
Delicious! Night, I get to eat that.
Delicious! [ laughter .]
Delicious! [ laughter .]
and I'm sure all of you are as [ laughter .]
and I'm sure all of you are as tired as I am of getting kicked And I'm sure all of you are as tired as I am of getting kicked around by the man.
Tired as I am of getting kicked around by the man.
[ laughter .]
Around by the man.
[ laughter .]
so I think a great thing would [ laughter .]
so I think a great thing would be is if we all show this place So I think a great thing would be is if we all show this place that you can't kick around Be is if we all show this place that you can't kick around [ chuckling .]
oh, my god.
That you can't kick around [ chuckling .]
oh, my god.
Dumpster-living janitors [ chuckling .]
oh, my god.
Dumpster-living janitors whenever you want.
Dumpster-living janitors whenever you want.
So, if I could just get, like, Whenever you want.
So, if I could just get, like, some support.
So, if I could just get, like, some support.
[ laughter .]
Some support.
[ laughter .]
I don't know if they're [ laughter .]
I don't know if they're buying it.
I don't know if they're buying it.
[ cheers and applause .]
Buying it.
[ cheers and applause .]
thank you! Thank you! [ cheers and applause .]
thank you! Thank you! together: Oh! thank you! Thank you! together: Oh! oh! together: Oh! oh! he's got them! oh! he's got them! get this.
he's got them! get this.
oh, my god.
get this.
oh, my god.
wow.
oh, my god.
wow.
ladies and gentlemen, thank wow.
ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much! ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much! nicely done! You very much! nicely done! I'm out of here! nicely done! I'm out of here! You can take this mop and I'm out of here! You can take this mop and shove it! wow.
wow! [ bell dings .]
wow! [ bell dings .]
narrator: Sal's only job now narrator: Sal's only job now is to be the big loser.
we're here at sixt rent a car in weehawken, new jersey, for our friend sal's punishment.
In weehawken, new jersey, for our friend sal's punishment.
the next person that rents a Our friend sal's punishment.
the next person that rents a car today is gonna get a little the next person that rents a car today is gonna get a little junk in their trunk.
Car today is gonna get a little junk in their trunk.
be our junk.
Junk in their trunk.
be our junk.
[ laughter .]
be our junk.
[ laughter .]
that's right, bud.
[ laughter .]
that's right, bud.
Whoever rents the car, you're that's right, bud.
Whoever rents the car, you're gonna have to hide in their Whoever rents the car, you're gonna have to hide in their trunk and go for a ride.
Gonna have to hide in their trunk and go for a ride.
We should mention that they Trunk and go for a ride.
We should mention that they don't know you're in the trunk.
We should mention that they don't know you're in the trunk.
what if -- what if the person Don't know you're in the trunk.
what if -- what if the person doesn't like it? what if -- what if the person doesn't like it? well, we don't know.
Doesn't like it? well, we don't know.
we're gonna find out.
well, we don't know.
we're gonna find out.
It's gonna be a surprise to us we're gonna find out.
It's gonna be a surprise to us as it is to them.
It's gonna be a surprise to us as it is to them.
So we're real excited.
As it is to them.
So we're real excited.
keep your mouth shut and your So we're real excited.
keep your mouth shut and your head down.
keep your mouth shut and your head down.
yeah! Head down.
yeah! that's it.
yeah! that's it.
there's many variables that that's it.
there's many variables that are unsafe, and just remember there's many variables that are unsafe, and just remember that the next time I have to Are unsafe, and just remember that the next time I have to punish you.
That the next time I have to punish you.
[ laughter .]
Punish you.
[ laughter .]
okay, get in.
[ laughter .]
okay, get in.
[ laughs .]
okay, get in.
[ laughs .]
unh-unh.
[ laughs .]
unh-unh.
look at this.
unh-unh.
look at this.
ready.
look at this.
ready.
okay.
ready.
okay.
all right, buddy.
okay.
all right, buddy.
here we go! all right, buddy.
here we go! safe travels, pal.
here we go! safe travels, pal.
watch your head.
safe travels, pal.
watch your head.
I-I don't know if I can do watch your head.
I-I don't know if I can do this.
I-I don't know if I can do this.
[ laughter .]
This.
[ laughter .]
I've wanted to do that for a [ laughter .]
I've wanted to do that for a long time.
I've wanted to do that for a long time.
there you go.
Long time.
there you go.
[ chuckles .]
there you go.
[ chuckles .]
ugh.
This is rough, dude.
[ chuckles .]
ugh.
This is rough, dude.
I just need to breathe in this ugh.
This is rough, dude.
I just need to breathe in this bitch.
I just need to breathe in this bitch.
I can't breathe.
Bitch.
I can't breathe.
It's getting real hot in here.
I can't breathe.
It's getting real hot in here.
here we go.
Here we go.
It's getting real hot in here.
here we go.
Here we go.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
Here we go.
[ laughter .]
I don't like this, guys.
[ laughter .]
I don't like this, guys.
okay, bud, the guy signed I don't like this, guys.
okay, bud, the guy signed off.
okay, bud, the guy signed off.
She's getting in.
Off.
She's getting in.
I'm freaking out.
She's getting in.
I'm freaking out.
here we go.
I'm freaking out.
here we go.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
[ laughter .]
she's [ laughter .]
she's here we go.
she's here we go.
oh, my god.
here we go.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god, this is so [bleep.]
oh, my god.
Oh, my god, this is so [bleep.]
up.
Oh, my god, this is so [bleep.]
up.
[ laughs .]
Up.
[ laughs .]
follow that car.
[ laughs .]
follow that car.
guys, guys, how long do you follow that car.
guys, guys, how long do you think I'm gonna be in here? guys, guys, how long do you think I'm gonna be in here? I can't do this.
Think I'm gonna be in here? I can't do this.
what's it feel like in there, I can't do this.
what's it feel like in there, buddy? what's it feel like in there, buddy? yeah, what's it like? Buddy? yeah, what's it like? it feels like a coffin.
yeah, what's it like? it feels like a coffin.
I can't move one bit.
it feels like a coffin.
I can't move one bit.
Ah, I have to relax.
I can't move one bit.
Ah, I have to relax.
she's hitting those bumps.
Ah, I have to relax.
she's hitting those bumps.
[ laughs .]
she's hitting those bumps.
[ laughs .]
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[ laughs .]
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ohh.
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ohh.
I just went flying.
Ohh.
I just went flying.
Ohh.
I just went flying.
Ohh.
[bleep.]
Ohh.
[bleep.]
speed bumps coming up.
[bleep.]
speed bumps coming up.
oh, god, no, no, no.
speed bumps coming up.
oh, god, no, no, no.
Ohh.
oh, god, no, no, no.
Ohh.
[ chuckles .]
Ohh.
[ chuckles .]
I whacked my head.
[ chuckles .]
I whacked my head.
[ laughter .]
I whacked my head.
[ laughter .]
oh, god, I'm getting nauseous.
[ laughter .]
oh, god, I'm getting nauseous.
[ horn honks .]
Oh, god, I'm getting nauseous.
[ horn honks .]
she's beeping at people.
[ horn honks .]
she's beeping at people.
[ laughter .]
She's beeping at people.
[ laughter .]
she beeped at the guy! [ laughter .]
she beeped at the guy! guys, where the [bleep.]
is she beeped at the guy! guys, where the [bleep.]
is she going? guys, where the [bleep.]
is she going? You don't rent a car unless you She going? You don't rent a car unless you have to go somewhere You don't rent a car unless you have to go somewhere substantial.
Have to go somewhere substantial.
oh, don't get on the Substantial.
oh, don't get on the turnpike.
oh, don't get on the turnpike.
Don't get on the turnpike.
Turnpike.
Don't get on the turnpike.
joe, if she gets -- Don't get on the turnpike.
joe, if she gets -- no, no, she didn't.
joe, if she gets -- no, no, she didn't.
She didn't, bud.
no, no, she didn't.
She didn't, bud.
She passed it.
She passed it.
She didn't, bud.
She passed it.
She passed it.
how much longer? okay, shh, shh, shh.
she parked.
she parked, sal.
she parked.
she parked, sal.
okay, so now what? she parked, sal.
okay, so now what? she's got bags in her hand.
okay, so now what? she's got bags in her hand.
oh, my god, she's going to she's got bags in her hand.
oh, my god, she's going to the trunk.
oh, my god, she's going to the trunk.
she's going to the trunk.
The trunk.
she's going to the trunk.
[ squeals .]
oh, my god! she's going to the trunk.
[ squeals .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! [ squeals .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, my god! here we go.
Here we go.
what do I do? What do I do? here we go.
Here we go.
what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Hi.
I'm sorry.
What do I do? Hi.
I'm sorry.
[ screaming .]
Hi.
I'm sorry.
[ screaming .]
oh, my god! [ screaming .]
oh, my god! [bleep.]
Oh, my god! [bleep.]
ow! [bleep.]
ow! [ laughter .]
ow! [ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
stop it! [bleep.]
stop it! what the [bleep.]
stop it! what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
What the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
oh, my god! What the [bleep.]
oh, my god! get out! Sal, get out! Oh, my god! get out! Sal, get out! Get out! get out! Sal, get out! Get out! I'm calling the [bleep.]
cops, Get out! I'm calling the [bleep.]
cops, dude.
I'm calling the [bleep.]
cops, dude.
This is sick.
Dude.
This is sick.
all right.
This is sick.
all right.
this is not [bleep.]
funny, all right.
this is not [bleep.]
funny, dude.
this is not [bleep.]
funny, dude.
What the [bleep.]
Dude.
What the [bleep.]
you're hitting me with a loaf What the [bleep.]
you're hitting me with a loaf of bread now.
you're hitting me with a loaf of bread now.
[ laughter .]
Of bread now.
[ laughter .]
get out of the trunk! [ laughter .]
get out of the trunk! listen to me! Stop it! get out of the trunk! listen to me! Stop it! If anybody wants to come stop listen to me! Stop it! If anybody wants to come stop this at any time, be my guest! If anybody wants to come stop this at any time, be my guest! I don't know you! This at any time, be my guest! I don't know you! I don't know I don't know you! I don't know [bleep.]
I don't know you! I don't know [bleep.]
I don't know you! Don't move.
[bleep.]
I don't know you! Don't move.
aah! Don't move.
aah! I swear I will aah! I swear I will [bleep.]
I swear I will [bleep.]
don't move! [bleep.]
don't move! I swear! don't move! I swear! [ laughter .]
I swear! [ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? Miss? [ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? Miss? sal, meet my friend melissa.
oh, melissa! it's melissa! it's melissa! oh! hey, melissa.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you did so good! You did so good! oh, you did great! oh, you did great! she hit me.
she hit me.
[ laughter .]
well, she hit you with a loaf [ laughter .]
well, she hit you with a loaf of bread.
well, she hit you with a loaf of bread.
We just took about five years We just took about five years off his life.
where are we? around the corner.
around the corner.
yeah, we like went around yeah, we like went around the corner.
The corner.
just went around the block.
narrator: Why is sal backing oh, I love that store.
narrator: Why is sal backing into trouble? narrator: Why is sal backing into trouble? [ laughter .]
Into trouble? [ laughter .]
why is q calling it quits? [ laughter .]
why is q calling it quits? you can take this mop and Why is q calling it quits? you can take this mop and shove it! you can take this mop and shove it! [ laughter .]
Shove it! [ laughter .]
narrator: And what did [ laughter .]
narrator: And what did tonight's big loser do to narrator: And what did tonight's big loser do to deserve this? Tonight's big loser do to deserve this? oh, my god! Deserve this? oh, my god! What the [bleep.]
oh, my god! What the [bleep.]
prepare for something What the [bleep.]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're pairing up, giving presentations at the downtown conference center, but Giving presentations at the downtown conference center, but we will not know the topic of Downtown conference center, but we will not know the topic of the presentation until we're in We will not know the topic of the presentation until we're in the room.
The presentation until we're in the room.
not only that, but the slides The room.
not only that, but the slides themselves will have nothing to not only that, but the slides themselves will have nothing to do with the topic because the Themselves will have nothing to do with the topic because the presentations have been made Do with the topic because the presentations have been made by the other guys.
we'll ask the attendees to raise their hands if they thought our presentations were Raise their hands if they thought our presentations were well done.
Thought our presentations were well done.
Whoever gets the fewest hands Whoever gets the fewest hands raised loses.
Bring it, suckas! stop it, james.
stop it, james.
sorry.
sorry.
You gonna be able to talk your You gonna be able to talk your way through this? Way through this? uh uh you know, sal has a history you know, sal has a history of walking out of the room when Of walking out of the room when you guys are partners.
yeah, I know.
Tners.
I should stand next to the door.
I should stand next to the door.
yeah, you block him so he yeah, you block him so he can't get out.
[ both laugh .]
Can't get out.
[ both laugh .]
yeah, I should cut off your [ both laugh .]
yeah, I should cut off your escape route.
yeah, I should cut off your escape route.
I'll tell you right now -- Escape route.
I'll tell you right now -- just don't shoot any crazy looks I'll tell you right now -- just don't shoot any crazy looks my way.
Just don't shoot any crazy looks my way.
Don't do that.
My way.
Don't do that.
[ both laugh .]
Don't do that.
[ both laugh .]
how's it going? [ both laugh .]
how's it going? Have a seat.
Welcome.
Welcome.
how's it going? Have a seat.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Have a seat anywhere you'd like.
Have a seat.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Have a seat anywhere you'd like.
How we doing? Have a seat anywhere you'd like.
How we doing? good.
You? How we doing? good.
You? well, thank you, guys, for good.
You? well, thank you, guys, for coming in.
well, thank you, guys, for coming in.
We are a marketing team that are Coming in.
We are a marketing team that are about to go on a road show.
We are a marketing team that are about to go on a road show.
We're about to give this About to go on a road show.
We're about to give this presentation to different groups We're about to give this presentation to different groups of people.
Presentation to different groups of people.
we're gonna see if we're Of people.
we're gonna see if we're ready, if we need improvements, we're gonna see if we're ready, if we need improvements, and that's all gonna come from Ready, if we need improvements, and that's all gonna come from your feedback -- nice and easy.
And that's all gonna come from your feedback -- nice and easy.
okay? All right.
So, our topic is "problems facing the african elephant.
" we've all been concerned we've all been concerned about the african elephant.
sure, sure.
About the african elephant.
sure, sure.
this is an environmental, sure, sure.
this is an environmental, eco-conscious effort that we're this is an environmental, eco-conscious effort that we're just spreading the word on.
Eco-conscious effort that we're just spreading the word on.
that is really specific, very Just spreading the word on.
that is really specific, very specific topic.
that is really specific, very specific topic.
[ laughs .]
Specific topic.
[ laughs .]
so, the african elephant -- [ laughs .]
so, the african elephant -- when is enough, enough? so, the african elephant -- when is enough, enough? It's soon when it comes to the When is enough, enough? It's soon when it comes to the elephant.
It's soon when it comes to the elephant.
this elderly couple Elephant.
this elderly couple represents the twilight years of this elderly couple represents the twilight years of the african elephant.
Represents the twilight years of the african elephant.
okay.
The african elephant.
okay.
"when we do, we go bye bye," okay.
"when we do, we go bye bye," and that's -- [ laughs .]
"when we do, we go bye bye," and that's -- [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
And that's -- [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
look at joe's face.
[ laughter .]
look at joe's face.
"when we do, we go bye bye.
" look at joe's face.
"when we do, we go bye bye.
" abe lincolns.
"when we do, we go bye bye.
" abe lincolns.
you guys know abe lincolns? Abe lincolns.
you guys know abe lincolns? [ laughter .]
no, you don't know abe lincolns? Abe lincolns? Well, abe lincolns is a famed Well, abe lincolns is a famed child author.
and you know what it is? Child author.
and you know what it is? A lot of people don't know who and you know what it is? A lot of people don't know who abe lincolns is 'cause when you A lot of people don't know who abe lincolns is 'cause when you type in like an internet search, Abe lincolns is 'cause when you type in like an internet search, you're always gonna see the Type in like an internet search, you're always gonna see the president first.
You're always gonna see the president first.
you're always gonna see President first.
you're always gonna see abraham, which is unfortunate you're always gonna see abraham, which is unfortunate for abe lincolns 'cause he's a Abraham, which is unfortunate for abe lincolns 'cause he's a hell of an author that just For abe lincolns 'cause he's a hell of an author that just can't get the recognition he Hell of an author that just can't get the recognition he needs 'cause google searches.
Can't get the recognition he needs 'cause google searches.
wow.
Needs 'cause google searches.
wow.
[ laughter .]
wow.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ spooky voice .]
gho-o-o-o-sts.
okay.
[ spooky voice .]
gho-o-o-o-sts.
[ laughter .]
[ spooky voice .]
gho-o-o-o-sts.
[ laughter .]
right.
[ laughter .]
right.
This is, uh -- Right.
This is, uh -- what we're saying -- This is, uh -- what we're saying -- what's the elephant in the what we're saying -- what's the elephant in the room? what's the elephant in the room? yes.
Room? yes.
there is no elephant in this yes.
there is no elephant in this room because they're all dead.
there is no elephant in this room because they're all dead.
aww.
Room because they're all dead.
aww.
[ laughter .]
aww.
[ laughter .]
now we start going into [ laughter .]
now we start going into addressing the real problems of now we start going into addressing the real problems of african elephants.
Addressing the real problems of african elephants.
[ laughter .]
African elephants.
[ laughter .]
good luck with that slide! [ laughter .]
good luck with that slide! uh, this is, uh good luck with that slide! uh, this is, uh [ chuckling .]
look at sal.
uh, this is, uh [ chuckling .]
look at sal.
this is a population quota -- [ chuckling .]
look at sal.
this is a population quota -- a population-quota effort this is a population quota -- a population-quota effort projection.
A population-quota effort projection.
That's what this is up here.
Projection.
That's what this is up here.
[ laughter .]
That's what this is up here.
[ laughter .]
and this graphic means the range [ laughter .]
and this graphic means the range of elephants.
And this graphic means the range of elephants.
And we're hoping to get the Of elephants.
And we're hoping to get the number up to 8,888 by the year, And we're hoping to get the number up to 8,888 by the year, uh, 8,000 -- 9,000? Number up to 8,888 by the year, uh, 8,000 -- 9,000? [ laughs .]
Uh, 8,000 -- 9,000? [ laughs .]
there he goes, joe.
[ laughs .]
there he goes, joe.
There he goes.
there he goes, joe.
There he goes.
right? There he goes.
right? there's your partner.
right? there's your partner.
if we do the normal thing there's your partner.
if we do the normal thing here, we can make this come if we do the normal thing here, we can make this come back, and by the year 9,000 Here, we can make this come back, and by the year 9,000 [ laughter .]
Back, and by the year 9,000 [ laughter .]
We'll have 8,888 african [ laughter .]
We'll have 8,888 african elephants.
We'll have 8,888 african elephants.
"act today, and by the year Elephants.
"act today, and by the year "act today, and by the year this one -- we're probably this one -- we're probably gonna take this one out.
this one -- we're probably gonna take this one out.
take everything out.
Gonna take this one out.
take everything out.
take all of our slides out at take everything out.
take all of our slides out at this point? take all of our slides out at this point? [ woman laughs .]
This point? [ woman laughs .]
I feel like you need to [ woman laughs .]
I feel like you need to explain every slide to us I feel like you need to explain every slide to us because it has nothing to do Explain every slide to us because it has nothing to do with african elephants.
Because it has nothing to do with african elephants.
oh, she's got your number, With african elephants.
oh, she's got your number, buddy! oh, she's got your number, buddy! the next slide, the next Buddy! the next slide, the next slide.
the next slide, the next slide.
okay.
Slide.
okay.
hopefully this will clear it okay.
hopefully this will clear it up.
hopefully this will clear it up.
[ laughter .]
Up.
[ laughter .]
wow, you really clarified [ laughter .]
wow, you really clarified that one for everybody.
wow, you really clarified that one for everybody.
and that's it.
That one for everybody.
and that's it.
So, by show of hands here, who and that's it.
So, by show of hands here, who thinks that we're ready to take So, by show of hands here, who thinks that we're ready to take this out on the road? Thinks that we're ready to take this out on the road? [ stifled laughter .]
This out on the road? [ stifled laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ stifled laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughter .]
they're laughing in your [ laughter .]
they're laughing in your face! they're laughing in your face! no one thinks we're ready to Face! no one thinks we're ready to go? no one thinks we're ready to go? if you're gonna do something Go? if you're gonna do something about elephants, then I think if you're gonna do something about elephants, then I think you need to show elephants.
About elephants, then I think you need to show elephants.
we clearly have some work You need to show elephants.
we clearly have some work to do.
we clearly have some work to do.
thank you very much.
To do.
thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
and you can't -- you can't do Thank you.
Thank you.
and you can't -- you can't do things that make you laugh.
and you can't -- you can't do things that make you laugh.
I know.
Things that make you laugh.
I know.
yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
yeah.
Yeah.
you got to work on that.
yeah.
Yeah.
you got to work on that.
he's terrible at the you got to work on that.
he's terrible at the laughing.
he's terrible at the laughing.
because then it almost seems Laughing.
because then it almost seems like -- close the door.
because then it almost seems like -- close the door.
they're trying to leave.
Like -- close the door.
they're trying to leave.
They won't let them.
they're trying to leave.
They won't let them.
it didn't make any sense.
They won't let them.
it didn't make any sense.
I don't think he's gonna get it didn't make any sense.
I don't think he's gonna get through to you with that I don't think he's gonna get through to you with that statistic.
Through to you with that statistic.
but that's my point.
Statistic.
but that's my point.
But that would mean -- but that's my point.
But that would mean -- that's your work product.
But that would mean -- that's your work product.
that's work product, yes.
that's your work product.
that's work product, yes.
it has nothing to do with the that's work product, yes.
it has nothing to do with the audience.
it has nothing to do with the audience.
no, I got to get out of here.
Audience.
no, I got to get out of here.
I need to go.
no, I got to get out of here.
I need to go.
all right.
All right.
I need to go.
all right.
All right.
right.
all right.
All right.
right.
thank you.
right.
thank you.
um, you need to relate to the thank you.
um, you need to relate to the elephants.
um, you need to relate to the elephants.
save the elephants.
Elephants.
save the elephants.
wow, they got creamed.
hi, everybody.
How are you? please have a seat.
please have a seat.
Hello, sir.
Hello, sir.
have a seat.
have a seat.
Make yourself comfortable.
So, what we're doing today is, Make yourself comfortable.
So, what we're doing today is, we'll tell you what the topic So, what we're doing today is, we'll tell you what the topic is, and then we'll take you Is, and then we'll take you through a series of slides.
At the end, we'll ask you your thoughts on the presentation.
Thoughts on the presentation.
good luck weaving this story good luck weaving this story together, boys.
Together, boys.
and this is -- the topic is and this is -- the topic is "make time to meditate," which a "make time to meditate," which a today's busy times.
Do in Today's busy times.
Do in okay, so, meditation.
okay, so, meditation.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
what is? [ laughter .]
what is? hashtag, fiesta.
hashtag, fiesta.
[ mexican music playing .]
You know, you got to have your downtime, too.
Downtime, too.
You got to relax.
You got to relax.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you can meditate on the dance you can meditate on the dance floor, shaking that booty.
yeah.
Floor, shaking that booty.
yeah.
[ laughs .]
yeah.
[ laughs .]
shake that booty.
[ laughs .]
shake that booty.
that wasn't good! shake that booty.
that wasn't good! What are they, giving themselves that wasn't good! What are they, giving themselves props? What are they, giving themselves props? That was horrible.
Props? That was horrible.
[ laughter .]
That was horrible.
[ laughter .]
stress is the terminal [ laughter .]
stress is the terminal illness none of us can escape, stress is the terminal illness none of us can escape, not even if you're gorgeous or Illness none of us can escape, not even if you're gorgeous or in lingerie.
Not even if you're gorgeous or in lingerie.
[ laughter .]
In lingerie.
[ laughter .]
this guy with the hat.
[ laughter .]
this guy with the hat.
He's like this -- "what the this guy with the hat.
He's like this -- "what the [bleep.]
is he talking about?" [ laughter .]
what? what? that's gross.
[ laughter .]
that's gross.
[ laughter .]
get married to your brain.
[ laughter .]
get married to your brain.
that's a piece of chicken.
get married to your brain.
that's a piece of chicken.
that's uncooked chicken.
that's a piece of chicken.
that's uncooked chicken.
[ laughter .]
that's uncooked chicken.
[ laughter .]
oh, is that chicken? [ laughter .]
oh, is that chicken? it's not a brain.
oh, is that chicken? it's not a brain.
It's uncooked chicken.
it's not a brain.
It's uncooked chicken.
[ laughs .]
It's uncooked chicken.
[ laughs .]
looks like a brain to me, so [ laughs .]
looks like a brain to me, so I'm gonna take it.
looks like a brain to me, so I'm gonna take it.
oh! Stop high-fiving.
I'm gonna take it.
oh! Stop high-fiving.
There's no reason.
oh! Stop high-fiving.
There's no reason.
okay.
There's no reason.
okay.
It's diamonds falling into a okay.
It's diamonds falling into a dog's mouth.
It's diamonds falling into a dog's mouth.
"diamonds in the 'ruff.
'" Dog's mouth.
"diamonds in the 'ruff.
'" I get it.
"diamonds in the 'ruff.
'" I get it.
oh, you got "diamonds in the I get it.
oh, you got "diamonds in the 'ruff'"? oh, you got "diamonds in the 'ruff'"? She just got it! 'ruff'"? She just got it! you are all diamonds in the She just got it! you are all diamonds in the rough.
you are all diamonds in the rough.
The way you polish that diamond Rough.
The way you polish that diamond is? The way you polish that diamond is? together: Meditation! Is? together: Meditation! that's it.
together: Meditation! that's it.
oh, come on! that's it.
oh, come on! I feel like this is coming oh, come on! I feel like this is coming around.
I feel like this is coming around.
That's the end.
Around.
That's the end.
So, by show of hands, how many That's the end.
So, by show of hands, how many of you think our road show is So, by show of hands, how many of you think our road show is ready to be taken out to the Of you think our road show is ready to be taken out to the public? Ready to be taken out to the public? [ laughs .]
Public? [ laughs .]
oh, well [ laughs .]
oh, well oh, come on! oh, well oh, come on! meditation.
[ laughter .]
narrator: Sal and joe narrator: Sal and joe couldn't save the elephants or themselves, so they're first up Couldn't save the elephants or themselves, so they're first up on the loser board.
Themselves, so they're first up on the loser board.
today we're at the On the loser board.
today we're at the jersey gardens mall making today we're at the jersey gardens mall making connections -- physical Jersey gardens mall making connections -- physical connections, that is.
Connections -- physical connections, that is.
that's right.
Connections, that is.
that's right.
We're using these spinners to that's right.
We're using these spinners to determine which two body parts We're using these spinners to determine which two body parts need to physically connect.
Determine which two body parts need to physically connect.
the first spin determines the Need to physically connect.
the first spin determines the body part of the joker.
the first spin determines the body part of the joker.
and our second spin decides Body part of the joker.
and our second spin decides the body part of a stranger.
if you can't make your thing touch their thing, you lose.
Touch murr's nose with yours.
Oh! Joker vs.
Joker! Oh! Joker vs.
Joker! ah! ah! you see what I did there?! you see what I did there?! we fell for it! we fell for it! narrator: It's murr versus narrator: It's murr versus sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
Sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
all right.
all right.
all right, here we go.
this looks like a board game all right, here we go.
this looks like a board game murray would have.
this looks like a board game murray would have.
[ laughs .]
Murray would have.
[ laughs .]
I think he's just gonna spin [ laughs .]
I think he's just gonna spin till he gets "butt.
" I think he's just gonna spin till he gets "butt.
" isn't all of life just a spin Till he gets "butt.
" isn't all of life just a spin until we get "butt"? isn't all of life just a spin until we get "butt"? [ laughter .]
Until we get "butt"? [ laughter .]
I hope it's something on this [ laughter .]
I hope it's something on this side.
I hope it's something on this side.
Oh.
Side.
Oh.
[ laughter .]
Oh.
[ laughter .]
oh, what happened? [ laughter .]
oh, what happened? well, joe, let's see how this Oh, what happened? well, joe, let's see how this goes.
well, joe, let's see how this goes.
[ laughs .]
Goes.
[ laughs .]
ah! [ laughs .]
ah! ah! ah! ah! [ laughter .]
ah! [ laughter .]
groin to ear! [ laughter .]
groin to ear! how? groin to ear! how? that's for you to figure out.
here's the approach.
I'm gonna use people's I'm gonna use people's generosity and kindness against them.
Generosity and kindness against them.
that's the same reason why Them.
that's the same reason why sal is still friends with you.
that's the same reason why sal is still friends with you.
[ laughter .]
Sal is still friends with you.
[ laughter .]
oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god, stuff everywhere.
Can you give me a hand, buddy? Oh, my god, stuff everywhere.
Can you give me a hand, buddy? No? Can you give me a hand, buddy? No? your acting gets worse and No? your acting gets worse and worse.
your acting gets worse and worse.
oh [bleep.]
Worse.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
Do you want to -- Oh, my god.
Do you want to -- not even one person has Do you want to -- not even one person has stopped to help you.
not even one person has stopped to help you.
oh [bleep.]
Stopped to help you.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
oh [bleep.]
oh, my god.
I see that happen, maybe my Oh, my god.
I see that happen, maybe my first gut instinct is to be I see that happen, maybe my first gut instinct is to be like, "let me go help him," and First gut instinct is to be like, "let me go help him," and then I see a jacket and paper Like, "let me go help him," and then I see a jacket and paper plates, and I'm like, "what?" Then I see a jacket and paper plates, and I'm like, "what?" what were you shopping for, a Plates, and I'm like, "what?" what were you shopping for, a cold picnic? What were you shopping for, a cold picnic? [ laughs .]
Cold picnic? [ laughs .]
thank you.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
Thank you so much.
thank you.
Thank you so much.
I dropped everything.
Thank you so much.
I dropped everything.
I dropped everything.
I dropped everything.
I dropped everything.
Thank you so much.
I dropped everything.
Thank you so much.
[ laughs .]
Thank you so much.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
Yeah, there's stuff over there, thank you.
Yeah, there's stuff over there, too.
Yeah, there's stuff over there, too.
Just -- oh, sorry, man.
Too.
Just -- oh, sorry, man.
I'm just trying to get it all Just -- oh, sorry, man.
I'm just trying to get it all together.
I'm just trying to get it all together.
you look like a freight train Together.
you look like a freight train going toward his ear.
you look like a freight train going toward his ear.
Let's just try to -- Going toward his ear.
Let's just try to -- thank -- Let's just try to -- thank -- he's going down in flames.
Thank -- he's going down in flames.
thank you.
he's going down in flames.
thank you.
no problem.
thank you.
no problem.
thank you so much.
no problem.
thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
That didn't work at all.
I appreciate that.
That didn't work at all.
[ laughs .]
That didn't work at all.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
so, basically, he picked up [ laughter .]
so, basically, he picked up every last item for you while so, basically, he picked up every last item for you while you hovered above his head.
Every last item for you while you hovered above his head.
I got another idea.
You hovered above his head.
I got another idea.
on your new idea, what's your I got another idea.
on your new idea, what's your approach? on your new idea, what's your approach? you're gonna find out.
Approach? you're gonna find out.
[ chuckles .]
you're gonna find out.
[ chuckles .]
taking advantage of that [ chuckles .]
taking advantage of that kindness.
taking advantage of that kindness.
buddy, could I ask you a Kindness.
buddy, could I ask you a favor? buddy, could I ask you a favor? I pulled my sciatic nerve.
Favor? I pulled my sciatic nerve.
And I keep tripping on my damn I pulled my sciatic nerve.
And I keep tripping on my damn laces.
And I keep tripping on my damn laces.
I can't -- Laces.
I can't -- can you -- I can't -- can you -- can you? can you -- can you? Thank you so much.
can you? Thank you so much.
[ laughter .]
Thank you so much.
[ laughter .]
it's head on.
[ laughter .]
it's head on.
He can't get around him.
it's head on.
He can't get around him.
How's he gonna get around him? He can't get around him.
How's he gonna get around him? oh, I-I -- it hurts.
How's he gonna get around him? oh, I-I -- it hurts.
I have to spin around.
I have to spin around.
he's not gonna get it.
The angle's all off.
he's not gonna get it.
The angle's all off.
the angle's all wrong.
The angle's all off.
the angle's all wrong.
thank you so much, man.
the angle's all wrong.
thank you so much, man.
[ chuckling .]
oh! thank you so much, man.
[ chuckling .]
oh! [ laughter .]
[ chuckling .]
oh! [ laughter .]
thank you so much.
[ laughter .]
thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
[ laughs .]
I really appreciate it.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god.
I was this close to his ear.
oh, my god.
I was this close to his ear.
like in many situations, you I was this close to his ear.
like in many situations, you just needed that much more in like in many situations, you just needed that much more in the groin area.
Just needed that much more in the groin area.
[ laughs .]
The groin area.
[ laughs .]
[ buzzing .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzing .]
here we go.
[ buzzing .]
here we go.
here we go.
here we go.
here we go.
come on! here we go.
come on! Ah! come on! Ah! oh! Ah! oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
your butt! [ laughter .]
your butt! just on the butt! your butt! just on the butt! the only thing acceptable just on the butt! the only thing acceptable here maybe isNothing.
the only thing acceptable here maybe isNothing.
butt to butt would be great.
Here maybe isNothing.
butt to butt would be great.
ah! butt to butt would be great.
ah! wow, I couldn't believe it! ah! wow, I couldn't believe it! I call -- wow, I couldn't believe it! I call -- your butt to someone's I call -- your butt to someone's forehead.
your butt to someone's forehead.
aww, come on, man.
Forehead.
aww, come on, man.
get on out there.
my forehead to their butt.
no, it's the other way no, it's the other way [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
I just want to avoid just I just want to avoid just slamming my forehead into Slamming my forehead into someone's butt.
Someone's butt.
that's it, buddy.
that's it, buddy.
idiot.
this is all gonna be for idiot.
this is all gonna be for nothing.
this is all gonna be for nothing.
oh, the directory.
Nothing.
oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
[ laughs .]
Oh, my shoe.
[ laughs .]
"oh, the directory.
[ laughs .]
"oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
" "oh, the directory.
Oh, my shoe.
" [ laughter .]
Oh, my shoe.
" [ laughter .]
wow! [ laughter .]
wow! wow! wow! wow! hey, how you feeling, bud? wow! hey, how you feeling, bud? feeling good, baby.
hey, how you feeling, bud? feeling good, baby.
too bad it's supposed to feeling good, baby.
too bad it's supposed to be too bad it's supposed to be together: Your butt on Be together: Your butt on someone's forehead! together: Your butt on someone's forehead! you idiot! Someone's forehead! you idiot! [ laughter .]
you idiot! [ laughter .]
how did you forget that?! [ laughter .]
how did you forget that?! oh, so the whole time, you How did you forget that?! oh, so the whole time, you were waiting for me to do that? oh, so the whole time, you were waiting for me to do that? pretty much, yeah.
Were waiting for me to do that? pretty much, yeah.
bunch of [bleep.]
pretty much, yeah.
bunch of [bleep.]
you would know.
bunch of [bleep.]
you would know.
You were so close to one you would know.
You were so close to one recently.
You were so close to one recently.
that's nice.
Recently.
that's nice.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you got two feet off the ground.
you got two feet off the ground.
[ laughs .]
Ground.
[ laughs .]
you had four more feet to go.
[ laughs .]
you had four more feet to go.
what's your point? you had four more feet to go.
what's your point? If you made contact, you're what's your point? If you made contact, you're gonna that guy out cold.
If you made contact, you're gonna that guy out cold.
[ laughs .]
Gonna that guy out cold.
[ laughs .]
you got to get higher than [ laughs .]
you got to get higher than them.
you got to get higher than them.
I'm gonna go on the Them.
I'm gonna go on the escalator.
I'm gonna go on the escalator.
all right, the escalator's Escalator.
all right, the escalator's the way to go.
all right, the escalator's the way to go.
yeah.
The way to go.
yeah.
here we go.
yeah.
here we go.
this could work.
here we go.
this could work.
The guy's got a big forehead.
this could work.
The guy's got a big forehead.
he's got a lot of surface The guy's got a big forehead.
he's got a lot of surface area to work with.
he's got a lot of surface area to work with.
[ laughs .]
Area to work with.
[ laughs .]
and sal's got a big ass, so [ laughs .]
and sal's got a big ass, so it all works out.
and sal's got a big ass, so it all works out.
[ chuckles .]
It all works out.
[ chuckles .]
it's not even near his [ chuckles .]
it's not even near his forehead.
it's not even near his forehead.
oh, I love that store.
Forehead.
oh, I love that store.
[ laughs .]
oh, I love that store.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god! [ laughs .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
this is just embarrassing.
[ laughter .]
this is just embarrassing.
look how he's trying! this is just embarrassing.
look how he's trying! [ laughs .]
look how he's trying! [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
just take the thumb, sal.
[ laughter .]
just take the thumb, sal.
[ buzzer .]
just take the thumb, sal.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Both murr and sal [ buzzer .]
narrator: Both murr and sal were out of touch, so they wind narrator: Both murr and sal were out of touch, so they wind up on the loser board.
Were out of touch, so they wind up on the loser board.
enough is enough.
We quit.
Up on the loser board.
enough is enough.
We quit.
today joe and q will be enough is enough.
We quit.
today joe and q will be posing as employees at different today joe and q will be posing as employees at different businesses.
Posing as employees at different businesses.
but not for long 'cause me Businesses.
but not for long 'cause me and q are gonna have to quit in but not for long 'cause me and q are gonna have to quit in front of a ton of people.
And q are gonna have to quit in front of a ton of people.
the reason that we're Front of a ton of people.
the reason that we're quitting is gonna be given the reason that we're quitting is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
the goal is to get the crowd to applause for you, matter how ridiculous the reason.
To applause for you, matter how ridiculous the reason.
if they can't rile up the if they can't rile up the crowd, they lose.
I am out of here! whoa.
whoa.
narrator: It's joe vs.
Q in a narrator: It's joe vs.
Q in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
the soup of the day's the lentil soup.
Lentil soup.
all right, joe.
all right, joe.
You ready, buddy? [ laughter .]
You ready, buddy? [ laughter .]
it's a beautiful night for [ laughter .]
it's a beautiful night for a quitski it's a beautiful night for a quitski [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I've had it, fellas.
yeah, I know you have.
I've had it, fellas.
yeah, I know you have.
I know you have.
yeah, I know you have.
I know you have.
[ sighs heavily .]
I know you have.
[ sighs heavily .]
there are 100 people in [ sighs heavily .]
there are 100 people in this there are 100 people in this I can't wait for this.
This I can't wait for this.
[ indistinct conversations .]
I can't wait for this.
[ indistinct conversations .]
excuse me, ladies and [ indistinct conversations .]
excuse me, ladies and gentlemen! excuse me, ladies and gentlemen! Can I have your attention for a Gentlemen! Can I have your attention for a moment, carnegie deli diners.
Can I have your attention for a moment, carnegie deli diners.
[ conversations stop .]
Moment, carnegie deli diners.
[ conversations stop .]
oh, my god.
[ conversations stop .]
oh, my god.
I have had it with this place oh, my god.
I have had it with this place and what goes on! I have had it with this place and what goes on! So I am going to quit today for And what goes on! So I am going to quit today for this reason -- So I am going to quit today for this reason -- "I'm gonna manage a boy band This reason -- "I'm gonna manage a boy band that I put together" "I'm gonna manage a boy band that I put together" I am going to manage a boy That I put together" I am going to manage a boy band that I put together I am going to manage a boy band that I put together "Called yolo boyz" Band that I put together "Called yolo boyz" Called yolo boyz "Called yolo boyz" Called yolo boyz "With a 'z.
'" Called yolo boyz "With a 'z.
'" With a "z" on the end.
"With a 'z.
'" With a "z" on the end.
[ laughter .]
With a "z" on the end.
[ laughter .]
so, it's "yolo boyz.
" [ laughter .]
so, it's "yolo boyz.
" [ laughter .]
So, it's "yolo boyz.
" [ laughter .]
enough with the pastrami! [ laughter .]
enough with the pastrami! Who needs this many free Enough with the pastrami! Who needs this many free pickles? Who needs this many free pickles? [ laughter .]
Pickles? [ laughter .]
the "you only live once boyz" [ laughter .]
the "you only live once boyz" has everything you need for a The "you only live once boyz" has everything you need for a great boy band, including and Has everything you need for a great boy band, including and not limited to ricardo, who's a Great boy band, including and not limited to ricardo, who's a bad boy, but has the right Not limited to ricardo, who's a bad boy, but has the right amount of street.
Bad boy, but has the right amount of street.
[ laughter .]
Amount of street.
[ laughter .]
then you've got frederick, who's [ laughter .]
then you've got frederick, who's a smart look, but, hey, you Then you've got frederick, who's a smart look, but, hey, you don't want to be alone with him A smart look, but, hey, you don't want to be alone with him because, you know, he could get Don't want to be alone with him because, you know, he could get hands-y.
Because, you know, he could get hands-y.
[ laughter .]
Hands-y.
[ laughter .]
then there's derek -- the right [ laughter .]
then there's derek -- the right amount of flair, the wrong Then there's derek -- the right amount of flair, the wrong amount of hair.
Amount of flair, the wrong amount of hair.
[ laughter .]
Amount of hair.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry, carnegie deli.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry, carnegie deli.
I do love your "sandweeches," I'm sorry, carnegie deli.
I do love your "sandweeches," but if I could have your support I do love your "sandweeches," but if I could have your support in chasing the "you only live But if I could have your support in chasing the "you only live once boyz" motto -- hey, do it, In chasing the "you only live once boyz" motto -- hey, do it, but do it with a "z.
" Once boyz" motto -- hey, do it, but do it with a "z.
" [ laughter .]
But do it with a "z.
" [ laughter .]
you have to get them to [ laughter .]
you have to get them to applaud.
you have to get them to applaud.
so, if you could cheer me on Applaud.
so, if you could cheer me on into my endeavors, I'd so, if you could cheer me on into my endeavors, I'd appreciate it 'cause I'm out of [ cheers and applause .]
I am out of here! together: Oh! I am out of here! together: Oh! you only live once, pastrami! together: Oh! you only live once, pastrami! You only live once, roast beef! you only live once, pastrami! You only live once, roast beef! Thank you.
Enjoy your day.
You only live once, roast beef! Thank you.
Enjoy your day.
You pay up left.
Thank you.
Enjoy your day.
You pay up left.
[ laughter .]
You pay up left.
[ laughter .]
[ bell dings .]
[ laughter .]
[ bell dings .]
now it's q's turn to quit.
q actually looks like this is his real job.
[ laughter .]
His real job.
[ laughter .]
I hope you're ready to quit [ laughter .]
I hope you're ready to quit this job, q.
I hope you're ready to quit this job, q.
I quit mine.
This job, q.
I quit mine.
ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
Can I just get your [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
Can I just get your attention for one second? Can I just get your attention for one second? oh, my god! Attention for one second? oh, my god! today I'm quitting this job oh, my god! today I'm quitting this job because today I'm quitting this job because "all of a sudden" Because "all of a sudden" All of a sudden "all of a sudden" All of a sudden "They don't want me living All of a sudden "They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
" "They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
" [ tape slows .]
In the dumpsters no more.
" [ tape slows .]
[ laughter .]
[ tape slows .]
[ laughter .]
They don't want me living [ laughter .]
They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
They don't want me living in the dumpsters no more.
[ laughter .]
In the dumpsters no more.
[ laughter .]
think about what that means [ laughter .]
think about what that means about me and my life Think about what that means about me and my life Chicken-eating lady.
About me and my life Chicken-eating lady.
[ laughter .]
Chicken-eating lady.
[ laughter .]
I go from work to the dumpsters [ laughter .]
I go from work to the dumpsters right outside -- great commute.
I go from work to the dumpsters right outside -- great commute.
they don't care about your Right outside -- great commute.
they don't care about your commute.
they don't care about your commute.
they don't care.
Commute.
they don't care.
They're eating their lunch.
they don't care.
They're eating their lunch.
They don't care.
They're eating their lunch.
They don't care.
You got to get them to come They don't care.
You got to get them to come around, q.
You got to get them to come around, q.
I get to sleep in what I Around, q.
I get to sleep in what I work in.
I get to sleep in what I work in.
I get to work in what I Work in.
I get to work in what I sleep in.
I get to work in what I sleep in.
Very reasonable rent.
Sleep in.
Very reasonable rent.
If I'm hungry, I get to eat.
Very reasonable rent.
If I'm hungry, I get to eat.
Sir, the chicken you're If I'm hungry, I get to eat.
Sir, the chicken you're eating -- at the end of the Sir, the chicken you're eating -- at the end of the night, I get to eat that.
Eating -- at the end of the night, I get to eat that.
Delicious! Night, I get to eat that.
Delicious! [ laughter .]
Delicious! [ laughter .]
and I'm sure all of you are as [ laughter .]
and I'm sure all of you are as tired as I am of getting kicked And I'm sure all of you are as tired as I am of getting kicked around by the man.
Tired as I am of getting kicked around by the man.
[ laughter .]
Around by the man.
[ laughter .]
so I think a great thing would [ laughter .]
so I think a great thing would be is if we all show this place So I think a great thing would be is if we all show this place that you can't kick around Be is if we all show this place that you can't kick around [ chuckling .]
oh, my god.
That you can't kick around [ chuckling .]
oh, my god.
Dumpster-living janitors [ chuckling .]
oh, my god.
Dumpster-living janitors whenever you want.
Dumpster-living janitors whenever you want.
So, if I could just get, like, Whenever you want.
So, if I could just get, like, some support.
So, if I could just get, like, some support.
[ laughter .]
Some support.
[ laughter .]
I don't know if they're [ laughter .]
I don't know if they're buying it.
I don't know if they're buying it.
[ cheers and applause .]
Buying it.
[ cheers and applause .]
thank you! Thank you! [ cheers and applause .]
thank you! Thank you! together: Oh! thank you! Thank you! together: Oh! oh! together: Oh! oh! he's got them! oh! he's got them! get this.
he's got them! get this.
oh, my god.
get this.
oh, my god.
wow.
oh, my god.
wow.
ladies and gentlemen, thank wow.
ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much! ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much! nicely done! You very much! nicely done! I'm out of here! nicely done! I'm out of here! You can take this mop and I'm out of here! You can take this mop and shove it! wow.
wow! [ bell dings .]
wow! [ bell dings .]
narrator: Sal's only job now narrator: Sal's only job now is to be the big loser.
we're here at sixt rent a car in weehawken, new jersey, for our friend sal's punishment.
In weehawken, new jersey, for our friend sal's punishment.
the next person that rents a Our friend sal's punishment.
the next person that rents a car today is gonna get a little the next person that rents a car today is gonna get a little junk in their trunk.
Car today is gonna get a little junk in their trunk.
be our junk.
Junk in their trunk.
be our junk.
[ laughter .]
be our junk.
[ laughter .]
that's right, bud.
[ laughter .]
that's right, bud.
Whoever rents the car, you're that's right, bud.
Whoever rents the car, you're gonna have to hide in their Whoever rents the car, you're gonna have to hide in their trunk and go for a ride.
Gonna have to hide in their trunk and go for a ride.
We should mention that they Trunk and go for a ride.
We should mention that they don't know you're in the trunk.
We should mention that they don't know you're in the trunk.
what if -- what if the person Don't know you're in the trunk.
what if -- what if the person doesn't like it? what if -- what if the person doesn't like it? well, we don't know.
Doesn't like it? well, we don't know.
we're gonna find out.
well, we don't know.
we're gonna find out.
It's gonna be a surprise to us we're gonna find out.
It's gonna be a surprise to us as it is to them.
It's gonna be a surprise to us as it is to them.
So we're real excited.
As it is to them.
So we're real excited.
keep your mouth shut and your So we're real excited.
keep your mouth shut and your head down.
keep your mouth shut and your head down.
yeah! Head down.
yeah! that's it.
yeah! that's it.
there's many variables that that's it.
there's many variables that are unsafe, and just remember there's many variables that are unsafe, and just remember that the next time I have to Are unsafe, and just remember that the next time I have to punish you.
That the next time I have to punish you.
[ laughter .]
Punish you.
[ laughter .]
okay, get in.
[ laughter .]
okay, get in.
[ laughs .]
okay, get in.
[ laughs .]
unh-unh.
[ laughs .]
unh-unh.
look at this.
unh-unh.
look at this.
ready.
look at this.
ready.
okay.
ready.
okay.
all right, buddy.
okay.
all right, buddy.
here we go! all right, buddy.
here we go! safe travels, pal.
here we go! safe travels, pal.
watch your head.
safe travels, pal.
watch your head.
I-I don't know if I can do watch your head.
I-I don't know if I can do this.
I-I don't know if I can do this.
[ laughter .]
This.
[ laughter .]
I've wanted to do that for a [ laughter .]
I've wanted to do that for a long time.
I've wanted to do that for a long time.
there you go.
Long time.
there you go.
[ chuckles .]
there you go.
[ chuckles .]
ugh.
This is rough, dude.
[ chuckles .]
ugh.
This is rough, dude.
I just need to breathe in this ugh.
This is rough, dude.
I just need to breathe in this bitch.
I just need to breathe in this bitch.
I can't breathe.
Bitch.
I can't breathe.
It's getting real hot in here.
I can't breathe.
It's getting real hot in here.
here we go.
Here we go.
It's getting real hot in here.
here we go.
Here we go.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
Here we go.
[ laughter .]
I don't like this, guys.
[ laughter .]
I don't like this, guys.
okay, bud, the guy signed I don't like this, guys.
okay, bud, the guy signed off.
okay, bud, the guy signed off.
She's getting in.
Off.
She's getting in.
I'm freaking out.
She's getting in.
I'm freaking out.
here we go.
I'm freaking out.
here we go.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
[ laughter .]
she's [ laughter .]
she's here we go.
she's here we go.
oh, my god.
here we go.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god, this is so [bleep.]
oh, my god.
Oh, my god, this is so [bleep.]
up.
Oh, my god, this is so [bleep.]
up.
[ laughs .]
Up.
[ laughs .]
follow that car.
[ laughs .]
follow that car.
guys, guys, how long do you follow that car.
guys, guys, how long do you think I'm gonna be in here? guys, guys, how long do you think I'm gonna be in here? I can't do this.
Think I'm gonna be in here? I can't do this.
what's it feel like in there, I can't do this.
what's it feel like in there, buddy? what's it feel like in there, buddy? yeah, what's it like? Buddy? yeah, what's it like? it feels like a coffin.
yeah, what's it like? it feels like a coffin.
I can't move one bit.
it feels like a coffin.
I can't move one bit.
Ah, I have to relax.
I can't move one bit.
Ah, I have to relax.
she's hitting those bumps.
Ah, I have to relax.
she's hitting those bumps.
[ laughs .]
she's hitting those bumps.
[ laughs .]
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[ laughs .]
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ohh.
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ohh.
I just went flying.
Ohh.
I just went flying.
Ohh.
I just went flying.
Ohh.
[bleep.]
Ohh.
[bleep.]
speed bumps coming up.
[bleep.]
speed bumps coming up.
oh, god, no, no, no.
speed bumps coming up.
oh, god, no, no, no.
Ohh.
oh, god, no, no, no.
Ohh.
[ chuckles .]
Ohh.
[ chuckles .]
I whacked my head.
[ chuckles .]
I whacked my head.
[ laughter .]
I whacked my head.
[ laughter .]
oh, god, I'm getting nauseous.
[ laughter .]
oh, god, I'm getting nauseous.
[ horn honks .]
Oh, god, I'm getting nauseous.
[ horn honks .]
she's beeping at people.
[ horn honks .]
she's beeping at people.
[ laughter .]
She's beeping at people.
[ laughter .]
she beeped at the guy! [ laughter .]
she beeped at the guy! guys, where the [bleep.]
is she beeped at the guy! guys, where the [bleep.]
is she going? guys, where the [bleep.]
is she going? You don't rent a car unless you She going? You don't rent a car unless you have to go somewhere You don't rent a car unless you have to go somewhere substantial.
Have to go somewhere substantial.
oh, don't get on the Substantial.
oh, don't get on the turnpike.
oh, don't get on the turnpike.
Don't get on the turnpike.
Turnpike.
Don't get on the turnpike.
joe, if she gets -- Don't get on the turnpike.
joe, if she gets -- no, no, she didn't.
joe, if she gets -- no, no, she didn't.
She didn't, bud.
no, no, she didn't.
She didn't, bud.
She passed it.
She passed it.
She didn't, bud.
She passed it.
She passed it.
how much longer? okay, shh, shh, shh.
she parked.
she parked, sal.
she parked.
she parked, sal.
okay, so now what? she parked, sal.
okay, so now what? she's got bags in her hand.
okay, so now what? she's got bags in her hand.
oh, my god, she's going to she's got bags in her hand.
oh, my god, she's going to the trunk.
oh, my god, she's going to the trunk.
she's going to the trunk.
The trunk.
she's going to the trunk.
[ squeals .]
oh, my god! she's going to the trunk.
[ squeals .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! [ squeals .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, my god! here we go.
Here we go.
what do I do? What do I do? here we go.
Here we go.
what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Hi.
I'm sorry.
What do I do? Hi.
I'm sorry.
[ screaming .]
Hi.
I'm sorry.
[ screaming .]
oh, my god! [ screaming .]
oh, my god! [bleep.]
Oh, my god! [bleep.]
ow! [bleep.]
ow! [ laughter .]
ow! [ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
stop it! [bleep.]
stop it! what the [bleep.]
stop it! what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
What the [bleep.]
what the [bleep.]
oh, my god! What the [bleep.]
oh, my god! get out! Sal, get out! Oh, my god! get out! Sal, get out! Get out! get out! Sal, get out! Get out! I'm calling the [bleep.]
cops, Get out! I'm calling the [bleep.]
cops, dude.
I'm calling the [bleep.]
cops, dude.
This is sick.
Dude.
This is sick.
all right.
This is sick.
all right.
this is not [bleep.]
funny, all right.
this is not [bleep.]
funny, dude.
this is not [bleep.]
funny, dude.
What the [bleep.]
Dude.
What the [bleep.]
you're hitting me with a loaf What the [bleep.]
you're hitting me with a loaf of bread now.
you're hitting me with a loaf of bread now.
[ laughter .]
Of bread now.
[ laughter .]
get out of the trunk! [ laughter .]
get out of the trunk! listen to me! Stop it! get out of the trunk! listen to me! Stop it! If anybody wants to come stop listen to me! Stop it! If anybody wants to come stop this at any time, be my guest! If anybody wants to come stop this at any time, be my guest! I don't know you! This at any time, be my guest! I don't know you! I don't know I don't know you! I don't know [bleep.]
I don't know you! I don't know [bleep.]
I don't know you! Don't move.
[bleep.]
I don't know you! Don't move.
aah! Don't move.
aah! I swear I will aah! I swear I will [bleep.]
I swear I will [bleep.]
don't move! [bleep.]
don't move! I swear! don't move! I swear! [ laughter .]
I swear! [ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? Miss? [ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? Miss? sal, meet my friend melissa.
oh, melissa! it's melissa! it's melissa! oh! hey, melissa.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you did so good! You did so good! oh, you did great! oh, you did great! she hit me.
she hit me.
[ laughter .]
well, she hit you with a loaf [ laughter .]
well, she hit you with a loaf of bread.
well, she hit you with a loaf of bread.
We just took about five years We just took about five years off his life.
where are we? around the corner.
around the corner.
yeah, we like went around yeah, we like went around the corner.
The corner.
just went around the block.