Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e22 Episode Script
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narrator: Coming up, what's got q dropping it like it's hot? all righty.
Got q dropping it like it's hot? all righty.
[ laughter .]
all righty.
[ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the [ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
narrator: Has sal finally met Whole wide world.
narrator: Has sal finally met his match? narrator: Has sal finally met his match? well, I'm the baddest girl.
His match? well, I'm the baddest girl.
all: Whoa! well, I'm the baddest girl.
all: Whoa! narrator: And which joker all: Whoa! narrator: And which joker will find tonight's punishment narrator: And which joker will find tonight's punishment to be a total drag? Will find tonight's punishment to be a total drag? [ laughter .]
To be a total drag? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
Today, the boys are having a spa day.
aw, yeah! Day.
aw, yeah! yes, we're at aw, yeah! yes, we're at body by brooklyn getting yes, we're at body by brooklyn getting massages from a few unsuspecting Body by brooklyn getting massages from a few unsuspecting massage therapists.
Massages from a few unsuspecting massage therapists.
sounds relaxing.
it won't be, because while we're on that table, we have to We're on that table, we have to do and say whatever the other Do and say whatever the other guys tell us to.
Guys tell us to.
and if you refuse, you lose.
and if you refuse, you lose.
murr, shiatsu.
no joke -- I get like a massage a week.
Massage a week.
you also get your back waxed you also get your back waxed twice a week.
Twice a week.
[ laughter .]
I'm ready to go.
Ready to relax.
Ready to relax.
can you massage my bald? can you massage my bald? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this is a strange question.
this is a strange question.
I don't want to ask it.
I don't want to ask it.
[ laughter .]
Can you massage my bald? Yeah, specifically, the bald.
Yeah, specifically, the bald.
[ laughter .]
you know, my knuckles hurt a bit, actually.
Bit, actually.
my knuckles hurt.
my knuckles hurt.
I roundhoused this 12-year-old I roundhoused this 12-year-old yesterday.
Yesterday.
I I [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
well, I roundhoused this Well, I roundhoused this every time I went to the every time I went to the store, he demanded my lunch money.
Store, he demanded my lunch money.
every time I went to the Money.
every time I went to the store, he stole my lunch money.
every time I went to the store, he stole my lunch money.
he went running to his mother Store, he stole my lunch money.
he went running to his mother crying.
he went running to his mother crying.
he went to his mother crying, Crying.
he went to his mother crying, and she came at me.
he went to his mother crying, and she came at me.
She confronted me.
And she came at me.
She confronted me.
[ laughing .]
so, guess what I She confronted me.
[ laughing .]
so, guess what I did.
[ laughing .]
so, guess what I did.
I roundhoused her.
Did.
I roundhoused her.
I roundhoused her, too.
I roundhoused her.
I roundhoused her, too.
[ laughter .]
I roundhoused her, too.
[ laughter .]
the grandfather came out.
[ laughter .]
the grandfather came out.
I lit that old dude up right in the grandfather came out.
I lit that old dude up right in the face.
I lit that old dude up right in the face.
[ laughter .]
The face.
[ laughter .]
the grandfather comes [ laughter .]
the grandfather comes storming out.
So, guess what I did.
I lit that old dude up right in I lit that old dude up right in the face -- roundhouse.
[ laughter .]
The face -- roundhouse.
[ laughter .]
then a dog came out the front [ laughter .]
then a dog came out the front door.
then a dog came out the front door.
then the dog came out the Door.
then the dog came out the front door.
then the dog came out the front door.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear Front door.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear Across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
[ laughter .]
I'm only kidding.
I'm actually kidding about that story.
I'm actually kidding about that story.
that 12-year-old wasn't That story.
that 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
that 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
[ laughter .]
Taking my lunch money.
[ laughter .]
the 12-year-old wasn't taking [ laughter .]
the 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
the 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
[ laughter .]
My lunch money.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
You're really good.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
You're really good.
Wow.
That's great.
Oh, my god.
You're really good.
Wow.
That's great.
are you gonna get to my bald Wow.
That's great.
are you gonna get to my bald anytime soon? are you gonna get to my bald anytime soon? [ laughs .]
are you gonna get to my bald anytime soon? Anytime soon? You're gonna close with the You're gonna close with the bald? mm-hmm.
Bald? mm-hmm.
okay.
mm-hmm.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
oh, that feels so good.
So good.
[ laughter .]
oh, that feels so good.
So good.
murr, just whip your head Oh, that feels so good.
So good.
murr, just whip your head around and just stare at her for murr, just whip your head around and just stare at her for a second and don't say anything.
you okay? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
do it again.
[ laughter .]
don't answer, murr.
Fall asleep on this girl and just start snoring.
Fall asleep on this girl and just start snoring.
[ snoring .]
start getting weird with the snores, buddy.
[ snorting .]
Snores, buddy.
[ snorting .]
[ laughter .]
just wake up and say, "I know my rights.
" My rights.
" I know my rights.
I know my rights.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
what do I do? what do I do? put your face in the hole.
put your face in the hole.
Put your face in.
Put your face in.
Put your face in the [bleep.]
Put your face in the [bleep.]
hole.
Hole.
[ knock on door .]
[ knock on door .]
ready.
ready.
it's on.
it's on.
this is -- what type is this? this is -- what type is this? Oh, swedish.
Okay.
Oh, swedish.
Okay.
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
Like, a little sticky.
Like, a little sticky.
I work with glue.
I work with glue.
you work with glue.
you work with glue.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
can you just let me know when can you just let me know when you're gonna start the massage? You're gonna start the massage? can you just let me know when can you just let me know when you start the massage? You start the massage? Oh, this is the massage now? Oh, this is the massage now? Okay.
Great, great.
Okay.
Great, great.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, she's going for the ass.
oh, she's going for the ass.
She's going for the ass.
She's going for the ass.
yeah! yeah! rooty-toot-toot.
rooty-toot-toot.
yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah.
you're shaking laughing.
you're shaking laughing.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
yeah.
Thank you.
yeah.
Thank you.
the towel is shaking.
You look like a [bleep.]
ghost on the towel is shaking.
You look like a [bleep.]
ghost on "def comedy jam.
" You look like a [bleep.]
ghost on "def comedy jam.
" I'm sorry.
"def comedy jam.
" I'm sorry.
I'm ticklish a little bit.
I'm sorry.
I'm ticklish a little bit.
[ laughter .]
I'm ticklish a little bit.
[ laughter .]
that feels good.
That's it.
[ laughter .]
that feels good.
That's it.
say, "uh-oh.
That feels good.
That's it.
say, "uh-oh.
uh-oh.
say, "uh-oh.
uh-oh.
we planted a fart machine uh-oh.
we planted a fart machine under the table.
we planted a fart machine under the table.
Play.
Under the table.
Play.
[ farting .]
Play.
[ farting .]
[ laughter .]
that was me.
[ laughter .]
that was -- that was me.
[ laughter .]
that was -- that was me.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
oh-ho-ho! Oh, joe.
oh-ho-ho! Oh, joe.
[ laughing .]
joe.
[ laughing .]
joe.
Look at the belly.
Look at the belly.
Joe, before she comes in, put Joe, before she comes in, put your legs up like you're in the Your legs up like you're in the gynecologist's office.
Gynecologist's office.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all the way up.
All the way up.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
stay like that.
Stay like that.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ knock on door .]
[ knock on door .]
come in.
come in.
it's a dude! it's a dude! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ask him if he has stirrups.
ask him if he has stirrups.
do you have stirrups? [ laughter .]
higher.
higher.
[ laughter .]
higher.
[ laughter .]
say it, buddy.
[ laughter .]
say it, buddy.
higher.
Say it, buddy.
higher.
[ laughter .]
higher.
[ laughter .]
yeah, that's really tight.
[ laughter .]
yeah, that's really tight.
Ow, ow.
Aah! yeah, that's really tight.
Ow, ow.
Aah! joe doesn't bend that way.
Ow, ow.
Aah! joe doesn't bend that way.
I'm not flexible.
joe doesn't bend that way.
I'm not flexible.
I'm actually known for not being I'm not flexible.
I'm actually known for not being very flexible.
I'm actually known for not being very flexible.
[ groans .]
Very flexible.
[ groans .]
let's just let him get the [ groans .]
let's just let him get the massage.
let's just let him get the massage.
[ laughter .]
Massage.
[ laughter .]
you don't have to say [ laughter .]
you don't have to say anything.
Probably not.
what is going on? what is going on? please god let it be the last please god let it be the last one.
One.
[ groans .]
[ groans .]
oh, god.
I'll talk.
Oh, god.
I'll talk.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
joe, ask him for permission joe, ask him for permission to wiggle.
To wiggle.
permission to wiggle.
permission to wiggle.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going.
keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going.
[ laughter .]
it's like a workout.
[ laughter .]
keep calling him father.
no way.
[ laughter .]
ask him if he'll massage your [ laughter .]
ask him if he'll massage your thumbs down, baby.
ask him if he'll massage your thumbs down, baby.
my hand is a little [ buzzer .]
all right, q, time for some all right, q, time for some r&r.
R&r.
When the masseuse comes in, drop When the masseuse comes in, drop your robe off entirely.
Your robe off entirely.
[ knock on door .]
[ knock on door .]
hello? hello? here we go.
here we go.
hey, how's it going, man? good.
How are you? hey, how's it going, man? good.
How are you? good, good.
good.
How are you? good, good.
all righty.
good, good.
all righty.
[ laughter .]
all righty.
[ laughter .]
yes, facedown.
[ laughter .]
yes, facedown.
So your face goes right in that Yes, facedown.
So your face goes right in that hole.
So your face goes right in that hole.
pull the sheet over your Hole.
pull the sheet over your head.
pull the sheet over your head.
[ laughter .]
Head.
[ laughter .]
keep going, keep going, keep [ laughter .]
keep going, keep going, keep going.
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
Yeah, that's right.
Going.
Yeah, that's right.
look at that guy's face.
Yeah, that's right.
look at that guy's face.
we see some ass crack there.
look at that guy's face.
we see some ass crack there.
god, I got a little draft we see some ass crack there.
god, I got a little draft going down there.
god, I got a little draft going down there.
[ laughter .]
Going down there.
[ laughter .]
I know I'm harder to massage [ laughter .]
I know I'm harder to massage with all this fat.
I know I'm harder to massage with all this fat.
I know I'm harder to massage With all this fat.
I know I'm harder to massage with all the fat.
I know I'm harder to massage with all the fat.
[ laughter .]
With all the fat.
[ laughter .]
divorced and fat.
[ laughter .]
divorced and fat.
I'm divorced, lonely divorced and fat.
I'm divorced, lonely Fat.
I'm divorced, lonely Fat.
But, hey, this massage feels Fat.
But, hey, this massage feels pretty good.
But, hey, this massage feels pretty good.
okay.
Good.
Pretty good.
okay.
Good.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Good.
[ laughter .]
q, request more oil, but call [ laughter .]
q, request more oil, but call it "earl.
" q, request more oil, but call it "earl.
" [ laughter .]
It "earl.
" [ laughter .]
do you have any more earl? [ laughter .]
please, yeah.
More earl, please.
Please, yeah.
More earl, please.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
keep calling it earl.
keep calling it earl.
is this the scented earl is this the scented earl or Or I wouldn't mind a little more I wouldn't mind a little more earl.
[ laughter .]
Earl.
[ laughter .]
oh, yeah.
[ laughter .]
oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
lower.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
lower.
lower.
lower.
lower.
there it is.
lower.
there it is.
I carry tension in my ass.
there it is.
I carry tension in my ass.
[ laughter .]
I carry tension in my ass.
[ laughter .]
you feel tension there, [ laughter .]
you feel tension there, right? you feel tension there, right? mm-hmm.
Right? mm-hmm.
I carry my tension in my ass.
I carry my tension in my ass.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: It's an unhappy [ ding! .]
narrator: It's an unhappy ending for joe.
narrator: It's an unhappy ending for joe.
He's first up on the loser Ending for joe.
He's first up on the loser board.
He's first up on the loser board.
today, we're in the park, Board.
today, we're in the park, asking strangers, "penny for today, we're in the park, asking strangers, "penny for your thoughts?" Asking strangers, "penny for your thoughts?" we'll have to get a stranger Your thoughts?" we'll have to get a stranger to share their thoughts and then we'll have to get a stranger to share their thoughts and then tell them what we're thinking.
To share their thoughts and then tell them what we're thinking.
but the catch is -- our inner Tell them what we're thinking.
but the catch is -- our inner thoughts will be given to us by but the catch is -- our inner thoughts will be given to us by the other guys, though, so Thoughts will be given to us by the other guys, though, so that's not good.
if you can't tell a stranger exactly what you're thinking, Exactly what you're thinking, you lose.
You lose.
penny for your thoughts.
penny for your thoughts.
What are you thinking? What are you thinking? I'm just thinking about how I'm just thinking about how I'm wearing all black, and it's I'm wearing all black, and it's like 100 degrees right now.
Like 100 degrees right now.
you know what I'm thinking? you know what I'm thinking? I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
[ laughter .]
Whole wide world.
[ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the [ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
[ laughs .]
Whole wide world.
[ laughs .]
well, I'm the baddest girl, [ laughs .]
well, I'm the baddest girl, so Well, I'm the baddest girl, so all: Whoa! So all: Whoa! we finally meet.
all: Whoa! we finally meet.
also we finally meet.
also also also also I was wondering what a also I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
Dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
say it, say it.
[ laughter .]
say it, say it.
also, I was wondering what a Say it, say it.
also, I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
also, I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
Dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
'cause you never see those.
[ laughter .]
'cause you never see those.
it's kind of circular.
'cause you never see those.
it's kind of circular.
[ laughter .]
it's kind of circular.
[ laughter .]
oh, okay.
[ laughter .]
oh, okay.
you learn something every oh, okay.
you learn something every day, right? you learn something every day, right? [ laughter .]
Day, right? [ laughter .]
you're right.
[ laughter .]
you're right.
You are the baddest girl in the you're right.
You are the baddest girl in the whole wide world.
You are the baddest girl in the whole wide world.
[ ding! .]
penny for your thoughts.
What are you thinking? What are you thinking? I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
there are so many places on there are so many places on my body to hide rice.
My body to hide rice.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
there's so many places on my body to hide rice.
there's so many places on my body to hide rice.
[ laughter .]
Body to hide rice.
[ laughter .]
fold after fold, crevice after [ laughter .]
fold after fold, crevice after crevice.
Fold after fold, crevice after crevice.
I mean, I get two boxes no Crevice.
I mean, I get two boxes no problem.
I mean, I get two boxes no problem.
I mean, under the belly fold Problem.
I mean, under the belly fold itself, I could probably get a I mean, under the belly fold itself, I could probably get a half-pound.
Itself, I could probably get a half-pound.
[ laughter .]
Half-pound.
[ laughter .]
you know another thing that's [ laughter .]
you know another thing that's rising to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's rising to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's Rising to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's coming to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's coming to the top of my mind? if jesus is all around us Coming to the top of my mind? if jesus is all around us if jesus is all around us if jesus is all around us if jesus is all around us What's up with africa? if jesus is all around us What's up with africa? What the [bleep.]
up with What's up with africa? What the [bleep.]
up with africa? What the [bleep.]
up with africa? [ laughter .]
Africa? [ laughter .]
what? [ laughter .]
what? Did he just skip that continent? What? Did he just skip that continent? [ laughter .]
Did he just skip that continent? [ laughter .]
'cause not a lot of good [ laughter .]
'cause not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
'cause not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
not a lot of good [bleep.]
[bleep.]
happens there.
not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
[ laughter .]
Happens there.
[ laughter .]
all right, well, that wraps it [ laughter .]
all right, well, that wraps it up.
All right, well, that wraps it up.
[ laughter .]
Up.
[ laughter .]
okay, buddy.
[ laughter .]
okay, buddy.
Ding-ding, bitches.
Okay, buddy.
Ding-ding, bitches.
[ ding! .]
penny for your thoughts, man.
What are you thinking while What are you thinking while you're looking into the pool? You're looking into the pool? Yeah, yeah.
It looks cool.
Yeah, yeah.
It looks cool.
I was just sitting here and I I was just sitting here and I was thinking about Was thinking about we buried l lucy in way too we buried l lucy in way too much bling.
Much bling.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I thought We just buried lucy in too much I thought We just buried lucy in too much bling.
We just buried lucy in too much bling.
We really loaded that corpse up.
Bling.
We really loaded that corpse up.
[ laughter .]
We really loaded that corpse up.
[ laughter .]
lucy and I never got along.
[ laughter .]
lucy and I never got along.
lucy and I never got along.
lucy and I never got along.
lucy and I never got along.
I mean, does anybody get lucy and I never got along.
I mean, does anybody get along with their mother? I mean, does anybody get along with their mother? does anybody really get along Along with their mother? does anybody really get along with their mother, though? does anybody really get along with their mother, though? you know what other thing I'm With their mother, though? you know what other thing I'm thinking? you know what other thing I'm thinking? on paper, that baby should Thinking? on paper, that baby should have been fine.
on paper, that baby should have been fine.
[ laughter .]
Have been fine.
[ laughter .]
I'm just thinking that, like, [ laughter .]
I'm just thinking that, like, on paper, that I'm just thinking that, like, on paper, that That baby should have been fine.
On paper, that That baby should have been fine.
[ laughter .]
That baby should have been fine.
[ laughter .]
they just didn't take into [ laughter .]
they just didn't take into account the velocity.
They just didn't take into account the velocity.
oh, my god.
baby should have been okay.
Right.
Hey, man, take it easy.
Right.
Hey, man, take it easy.
[ laughing .]
"good luck.
" [ laughing .]
"good luck.
" aah! aah! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
uh, penny for your thoughts.
What have you been thinking What have you been thinking about today? About today? You know what I've been thinking You know what I've been thinking about today? About today? I'm afraid of bees.
I'm afraid of bees.
I'm really deathly afraid of I'm really deathly afraid of bees.
Bees.
boo-bees.
boo-bees.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
boo-bees.
boo-bees.
Male or female.
Male or female.
You're freaking me out right You're freaking me out right now.
Now.
No, no.
Please.
This is america.
No, no.
Please.
This is america.
he put the shirt on.
he put the shirt on.
he put the shirt on? he put the shirt on? you didn't have to put a you didn't have to put a shirt on because of me.
Shirt on because of me.
murray, you horrible, murray, you horrible, horrible person, you.
Horrible person, you.
penny for your thoughts.
penny for your thoughts.
What are you thinking about What are you thinking about today? Today? You know what I've been thinking You know what I've been thinking about all day? About all day? why are condoms so baggy? why are condoms so baggy? oh! oh! I've been thinking I've been thinking Why are condoms so baggy? Why are condoms so baggy? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
every time I put them on, every time I put them on, they slip right off.
They slip right off.
they slip right off.
they slip right off.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you know, I apparently have a you know, I apparently have a small penis.
Small penis.
You have a great day.
You have a great day.
My god.
My god.
all right.
all right.
too embarrassing.
too embarrassing.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: All the jokers were narrator: All the jokers were penny-wise, so they're safe from Penny-wise, so they're safe from the loser board.
The loser board.
Coming up, how will things twerk Coming up, how will things twerk the borgata hotel casino & spa The borgata hotel casino & spa in atlantic city, just playing some slots In atlantic city, just playing some slots On the official "jokers" slot Some slots On the official "jokers" slot machine.
On the official "jokers" slot machine.
each spin will tell us what Machine.
each spin will tell us what we have to do, who we have to do each spin will tell us what we have to do, who we have to do it to, and -- the best part -- We have to do, who we have to do it to, and -- the best part -- how we have to do it.
the goal is to complete whatever crazy combination comes Whatever crazy combination comes up on your spin.
Up on your spin.
if you can't complete the if you can't complete the task, you lose, and the house Task, you lose, and the house wins.
Wins.
ooh! ooh! narrator: It's murr and joe narrator: It's murr and joe in a joker vs.
Joker double down In a joker vs.
Joker double down challenge.
Challenge.
all right, we ready to do all right, we ready to do this? This? here we go, man.
here we go, man.
here we go.
here we go.
slot machine slot machine slot machine slot machine come on, now.
Come on.
come on, now.
Come on.
all: "twerk.
" all: "twerk.
" [ laughter .]
all: Oh! [ laughter .]
all: Oh! wild card.
all: Oh! wild card.
wild card -- whoever we say.
wild card.
wild card -- whoever we say.
our choice.
wild card -- whoever we say.
our choice.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
our choice.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
"cutely.
" [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
"cutely.
" oh, my god.
"cutely.
" oh, my god.
he does have cutely, though.
oh, my god.
he does have cutely, though.
You got something with the cute he does have cutely, though.
You got something with the cute going on.
You got something with the cute going on.
I have to twerk whoever you Going on.
I have to twerk whoever you say, cutely? I have to twerk whoever you say, cutely? cutely.
Say, cutely? cutely.
oh, my god.
I'm so nervous.
cutely.
oh, my god.
I'm so nervous.
you know what twerking is.
oh, my god.
I'm so nervous.
you know what twerking is.
I've seen the videos, yeah.
you know what twerking is.
I've seen the videos, yeah.
he's seen the videos.
I've seen the videos, yeah.
he's seen the videos.
Look at his web-browser history.
he's seen the videos.
Look at his web-browser history.
the word twerk is definitely Look at his web-browser history.
the word twerk is definitely in there to start off at least the word twerk is definitely in there to start off at least In there to start off at least all right, here.
all right, here.
Football jersey, football all right, here.
Football jersey, football jersey.
Football jersey, football jersey.
fellas, do you know where the Jersey.
fellas, do you know where the club is here? fellas, do you know where the club is here? That way.
You ever been? Club is here? That way.
You ever been? yeah.
That way.
You ever been? yeah.
is it any good or no? yeah.
is it any good or no? good.
is it any good or no? good.
you better start twerking.
good.
you better start twerking.
I've been practicing my you better start twerking.
I've been practicing my moves.
I've been practicing my moves.
really? Moves.
really? tell me if I'm doing it really? tell me if I'm doing it right.
tell me if I'm doing it right.
I'm trying to twerk a little Right.
I'm trying to twerk a little bit.
I'm trying to twerk a little bit.
You know Bit.
You know [ laughter .]
You know [ laughter .]
you know, like [ laughter .]
you know, like Like a little twerking thing, You know, like Like a little twerking thing, you know? Like a little twerking thing, you know? Am I doing it right? You know? Am I doing it right? keep going, keep going, keep Am I doing it right? keep going, keep going, keep going.
keep going, keep going, keep going.
like this, you know? Going.
like this, you know? [ laughter .]
like this, you know? [ laughter .]
nice, nice.
[ laughter .]
nice, nice.
twerk it out, you know? nice, nice.
twerk it out, you know? "twerk it out.
" is that it? That's what the kids are doing, That's what the kids are doing, right? Right? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
make it cuter, make it cuter.
make it cuter, make it cuter.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
murray, you twerk that ass.
murray, you twerk that ass.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right, boys, here we go.
all right, boys, here we go.
joe's a gambling man.
joe's a gambling man.
Joe's a gambling man.
Joe's a gambling man.
I'm a gambler.
I'm a gambler.
I'm like kenny loggins.
I'm like kenny loggins.
kenny rogers.
kenny rogers.
wait.
What? wait.
What? You know nothing.
You know nothing.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
all: Oh! all: Oh! that's wild.
you don't want that for the that's wild.
you don't want that for the verb.
you don't want that for the verb.
no, you do not.
Verb.
no, you do not.
that means that we choose no, you do not.
that means that we choose what you have to do.
that means that we choose what you have to do.
"1st person.
" What you have to do.
"1st person.
" when you get out there, boom.
"1st person.
" when you get out there, boom.
Whoever you see you got to do.
when you get out there, boom.
Whoever you see you got to do.
all right.
Whoever you see you got to do.
all right.
[ laughter .]
all right.
[ laughter .]
what are the odds? [ laughter .]
what are the odds? blank to the first person you what are the odds? blank to the first person you see, blank.
blank to the first person you see, blank.
You're going out there blind.
See, blank.
You're going out there blind.
We're just gonna tell you what You're going out there blind.
We're just gonna tell you what to do.
We're just gonna tell you what to do.
pick up To do.
pick up the first person I see.
pick up the first person I see.
and twirl them.
the first person I see.
and twirl them.
twirl them around, buddy.
and twirl them.
twirl them around, buddy.
twirl them? twirl them around, buddy.
twirl them? close your eyes.
twirl them? close your eyes.
As soon as you open them, close your eyes.
As soon as you open them, whoever's there, you have to do As soon as you open them, whoever's there, you have to do it.
Whoever's there, you have to do it.
here we go, here we go, here It.
here we go, here we go, here we go.
here we go, here we go, here we go.
oh, there he is.
We go.
oh, there he is.
[ laughter .]
Peace out, bro.
well, he's just walking like nothing happened.
well, he's just walking like nothing happened.
He just got picked up and Nothing happened.
He just got picked up and twirled.
He just got picked up and twirled.
that was so weird.
Twirled.
that was so weird.
twirlsky.
that was so weird.
twirlsky.
[ ding! .]
twirlsky.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: Joe twirled his way [ laughter .]
narrator: Joe twirled his way to a win, but he's still narrator: Joe twirled his way to a win, but he's still tonight's big loser.
To a win, but he's still tonight's big loser.
my hot-model sense is Tonight's big loser.
my hot-model sense is tingling.
my hot-model sense is tingling.
that's because we're here for Tingling.
that's because we're here for joe's punishment -- backstage at that's because we're here for joe's punishment -- backstage at a fashion show, where, in a few Joe's punishment -- backstage at a fashion show, where, in a few moments, this room is gonna be A fashion show, where, in a few moments, this room is gonna be filled with models.
Moments, this room is gonna be filled with models.
Joe's gonna have to saddle up Filled with models.
Joe's gonna have to saddle up and hit the runway.
Joe's gonna have to saddle up and hit the runway.
I'm a model? And hit the runway.
I'm a model? you're a model.
I'm a model? you're a model.
well, you will be a model you're a model.
well, you will be a model when dressed like this.
well, you will be a model when dressed like this.
come on.
When dressed like this.
come on.
it's about to get ugly in come on.
it's about to get ugly in hereLiterally.
it's about to get ugly in hereLiterally.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you are the ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire you are the ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire life.
I've ever seen in my entire life.
that's true.
Life.
that's true.
in my entire life.
that's true.
in my entire life.
that's true.
in my entire life.
that's true.
I guarantee you if you went that's true.
I guarantee you if you went out right now into the city I guarantee you if you went out right now into the city streets and just started full Out right now into the city streets and just started full speed, people would flee like Streets and just started full speed, people would flee like you were godzilla.
Speed, people would flee like you were godzilla.
[ laughs .]
You were godzilla.
[ laughs .]
line up.
Here we go.
[ laughs .]
line up.
Here we go.
oh, god.
Line up.
Here we go.
oh, god.
I'm gonna kill myself.
oh, god.
I'm gonna kill myself.
[ laughter .]
I'm gonna kill myself.
[ laughter .]
okay, this makes total sense.
[ laughter .]
okay, this makes total sense.
So, it's me, then multiple Okay, this makes total sense.
So, it's me, then multiple beautiful women.
So, it's me, then multiple beautiful women.
build up that confidence.
Beautiful women.
build up that confidence.
Build up that confidence.
build up that confidence.
Build up that confidence.
what joe doesn't know is that Build up that confidence.
what joe doesn't know is that there's no fashion show.
what joe doesn't know is that there's no fashion show.
All those models are fake.
There's no fashion show.
All those models are fake.
he's gonna play a software All those models are fake.
he's gonna play a software developer giving a speech on he's gonna play a software developer giving a speech on brand-new apps to techies.
Developer giving a speech on brand-new apps to techies.
yeah.
Brand-new apps to techies.
yeah.
to informed techies who know yeah.
to informed techies who know what they're talking about.
to informed techies who know what they're talking about.
while dressed like that.
What they're talking about.
while dressed like that.
guys, I'm next.
while dressed like that.
guys, I'm next.
If I fall, just play natural.
guys, I'm next.
If I fall, just play natural.
work it, buddy.
If I fall, just play natural.
work it, buddy.
Work it, buddy.
work it, buddy.
Work it, buddy.
that's it.
Work it, buddy.
that's it.
[ laughter .]
that's it.
[ laughter .]
none of these people are [ laughter .]
none of these people are expecting a fashion show.
none of these people are expecting a fashion show.
good luck with the Expecting a fashion show.
good luck with the presentation.
good luck with the presentation.
[ laughter .]
Presentation.
[ laughter .]
hmm.
[ laughter .]
hmm.
[ laughter .]
hmm.
[ laughter .]
welcome, everybody.
Um [ laughter .]
welcome, everybody.
Um [ laughter .]
Welcome, everybody.
Um [ laughter .]
we're doing a presentation [ laughter .]
we're doing a presentation today.
We're doing a presentation today.
he looks like an elephant.
Today.
he looks like an elephant.
he looks like a purple he looks like an elephant.
he looks like a purple elephant.
he looks like a purple elephant.
He looks like grimace.
Elephant.
He looks like grimace.
you guys are [bleep.]
jerks.
He looks like grimace.
you guys are [bleep.]
jerks.
oh, my god.
you guys are [bleep.]
jerks.
oh, my god.
so, let's get started.
oh, my god.
so, let's get started.
Let's take a look at our new so, let's get started.
Let's take a look at our new apps.
Let's take a look at our new apps.
this is the cutting edge in Apps.
this is the cutting edge in application technology.
this is the cutting edge in application technology.
let's take a look.
Application technology.
let's take a look.
the first app -- racebook.
let's take a look.
the first app -- racebook.
[ laughing .]
racebook.
the first app -- racebook.
[ laughing .]
racebook.
racebook puts all your [ laughing .]
racebook.
racebook puts all your friends of different races in racebook puts all your friends of different races in one place and segregates them.
Friends of different races in one place and segregates them.
[ laughter .]
One place and segregates them.
[ laughter .]
so, this is gonna go for $4.
99.
[ laughter .]
so, this is gonna go for $4.
99.
[ laughter .]
So, this is gonna go for $4.
99.
[ laughter .]
who's gonna pay 5 bucks for [ laughter .]
who's gonna pay 5 bucks for it? who's gonna pay 5 bucks for it? random number generator.
It? random number generator.
Now, this is one of our random number generator.
Now, this is one of our favorites that we're excited Now, this is one of our favorites that we're excited about.
Favorites that we're excited about.
You generate a completely random About.
You generate a completely random number in a matter of minutes.
You generate a completely random number in a matter of minutes.
[ laughter .]
Number in a matter of minutes.
[ laughter .]
it takes minutes for the number [ laughter .]
it takes minutes for the number to be generated.
It takes minutes for the number to be generated.
And why does it take minutes? To be generated.
And why does it take minutes? Why does it take so long? And why does it take minutes? Why does it take so long? We try not to repeat one number Why does it take so long? We try not to repeat one number ever across all platforms.
We try not to repeat one number ever across all platforms.
[ laughter .]
Ever across all platforms.
[ laughter .]
why would you need to randomly [ laughter .]
why would you need to randomly generate a number? Why would you need to randomly generate a number? Your privacy's important to us.
Generate a number? Your privacy's important to us.
[ laughter .]
Your privacy's important to us.
[ laughter .]
what? [ laughter .]
what? femail -- finallyE-mail what? femail -- finallyE-mail for women.
femail -- finallyE-mail for women.
I know what you're thinking.
For women.
I know what you're thinking.
"don't us girls use e-mail I know what you're thinking.
"don't us girls use e-mail already?" "don't us girls use e-mail already?" no.
Already?" no.
[ laughter .]
No.
[ laughter .]
it's an e-mail only -- [ laughter .]
it's an e-mail only -- female-market-only-generated It's an e-mail only -- female-market-only-generated e-mail app.
Female-market-only-generated e-mail app.
Spam deletion periodically -- E-mail app.
Spam deletion periodically -- once a month.
Spam deletion periodically -- once a month.
[ laughter .]
Once a month.
[ laughter .]
it's easy to combine accounts [ laughter .]
it's easy to combine accounts with friends.
It's easy to combine accounts with friends.
You cycle up.
With friends.
You cycle up.
[ laughter .]
The fe-mail verification filter -- once you press send, Filter -- once you press send, femail will ask you five more Femail will ask you five more times, "are you sure you want to Times, "are you sure you want to send this? Send this? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I really appreciate everything I really appreciate everything we presented here today.
We presented here today.
Thank you so much, guys.
Thank you so much, guys.
[ applause .]
[ applause .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ laughter .]
Got q dropping it like it's hot? all righty.
[ laughter .]
all righty.
[ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the [ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
narrator: Has sal finally met Whole wide world.
narrator: Has sal finally met his match? narrator: Has sal finally met his match? well, I'm the baddest girl.
His match? well, I'm the baddest girl.
all: Whoa! well, I'm the baddest girl.
all: Whoa! narrator: And which joker all: Whoa! narrator: And which joker will find tonight's punishment narrator: And which joker will find tonight's punishment to be a total drag? Will find tonight's punishment to be a total drag? [ laughter .]
To be a total drag? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
Today, the boys are having a spa day.
aw, yeah! Day.
aw, yeah! yes, we're at aw, yeah! yes, we're at body by brooklyn getting yes, we're at body by brooklyn getting massages from a few unsuspecting Body by brooklyn getting massages from a few unsuspecting massage therapists.
Massages from a few unsuspecting massage therapists.
sounds relaxing.
it won't be, because while we're on that table, we have to We're on that table, we have to do and say whatever the other Do and say whatever the other guys tell us to.
Guys tell us to.
and if you refuse, you lose.
and if you refuse, you lose.
murr, shiatsu.
no joke -- I get like a massage a week.
Massage a week.
you also get your back waxed you also get your back waxed twice a week.
Twice a week.
[ laughter .]
I'm ready to go.
Ready to relax.
Ready to relax.
can you massage my bald? can you massage my bald? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this is a strange question.
this is a strange question.
I don't want to ask it.
I don't want to ask it.
[ laughter .]
Can you massage my bald? Yeah, specifically, the bald.
Yeah, specifically, the bald.
[ laughter .]
you know, my knuckles hurt a bit, actually.
Bit, actually.
my knuckles hurt.
my knuckles hurt.
I roundhoused this 12-year-old I roundhoused this 12-year-old yesterday.
Yesterday.
I I [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
well, I roundhoused this Well, I roundhoused this every time I went to the every time I went to the store, he demanded my lunch money.
Store, he demanded my lunch money.
every time I went to the Money.
every time I went to the store, he stole my lunch money.
every time I went to the store, he stole my lunch money.
he went running to his mother Store, he stole my lunch money.
he went running to his mother crying.
he went running to his mother crying.
he went to his mother crying, Crying.
he went to his mother crying, and she came at me.
he went to his mother crying, and she came at me.
She confronted me.
And she came at me.
She confronted me.
[ laughing .]
so, guess what I She confronted me.
[ laughing .]
so, guess what I did.
[ laughing .]
so, guess what I did.
I roundhoused her.
Did.
I roundhoused her.
I roundhoused her, too.
I roundhoused her.
I roundhoused her, too.
[ laughter .]
I roundhoused her, too.
[ laughter .]
the grandfather came out.
[ laughter .]
the grandfather came out.
I lit that old dude up right in the grandfather came out.
I lit that old dude up right in the face.
I lit that old dude up right in the face.
[ laughter .]
The face.
[ laughter .]
the grandfather comes [ laughter .]
the grandfather comes storming out.
So, guess what I did.
I lit that old dude up right in I lit that old dude up right in the face -- roundhouse.
[ laughter .]
The face -- roundhouse.
[ laughter .]
then a dog came out the front [ laughter .]
then a dog came out the front door.
then a dog came out the front door.
then the dog came out the Door.
then the dog came out the front door.
then the dog came out the front door.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear Front door.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear Across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
I punted that [bleep.]
clear across the highway.
[ laughter .]
I'm only kidding.
I'm actually kidding about that story.
I'm actually kidding about that story.
that 12-year-old wasn't That story.
that 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
that 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
[ laughter .]
Taking my lunch money.
[ laughter .]
the 12-year-old wasn't taking [ laughter .]
the 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
the 12-year-old wasn't taking my lunch money.
[ laughter .]
My lunch money.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
You're really good.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
You're really good.
Wow.
That's great.
Oh, my god.
You're really good.
Wow.
That's great.
are you gonna get to my bald Wow.
That's great.
are you gonna get to my bald anytime soon? are you gonna get to my bald anytime soon? [ laughs .]
are you gonna get to my bald anytime soon? Anytime soon? You're gonna close with the You're gonna close with the bald? mm-hmm.
Bald? mm-hmm.
okay.
mm-hmm.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
oh, that feels so good.
So good.
[ laughter .]
oh, that feels so good.
So good.
murr, just whip your head Oh, that feels so good.
So good.
murr, just whip your head around and just stare at her for murr, just whip your head around and just stare at her for a second and don't say anything.
you okay? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
do it again.
[ laughter .]
don't answer, murr.
Fall asleep on this girl and just start snoring.
Fall asleep on this girl and just start snoring.
[ snoring .]
start getting weird with the snores, buddy.
[ snorting .]
Snores, buddy.
[ snorting .]
[ laughter .]
just wake up and say, "I know my rights.
" My rights.
" I know my rights.
I know my rights.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
what do I do? what do I do? put your face in the hole.
put your face in the hole.
Put your face in.
Put your face in.
Put your face in the [bleep.]
Put your face in the [bleep.]
hole.
Hole.
[ knock on door .]
[ knock on door .]
ready.
ready.
it's on.
it's on.
this is -- what type is this? this is -- what type is this? Oh, swedish.
Okay.
Oh, swedish.
Okay.
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
I'm sorry if I'm sticky.
Like, a little sticky.
Like, a little sticky.
I work with glue.
I work with glue.
you work with glue.
you work with glue.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
can you just let me know when can you just let me know when you're gonna start the massage? You're gonna start the massage? can you just let me know when can you just let me know when you start the massage? You start the massage? Oh, this is the massage now? Oh, this is the massage now? Okay.
Great, great.
Okay.
Great, great.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, she's going for the ass.
oh, she's going for the ass.
She's going for the ass.
She's going for the ass.
yeah! yeah! rooty-toot-toot.
rooty-toot-toot.
yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah.
you're shaking laughing.
you're shaking laughing.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
yeah.
Thank you.
yeah.
Thank you.
the towel is shaking.
You look like a [bleep.]
ghost on the towel is shaking.
You look like a [bleep.]
ghost on "def comedy jam.
" You look like a [bleep.]
ghost on "def comedy jam.
" I'm sorry.
"def comedy jam.
" I'm sorry.
I'm ticklish a little bit.
I'm sorry.
I'm ticklish a little bit.
[ laughter .]
I'm ticklish a little bit.
[ laughter .]
that feels good.
That's it.
[ laughter .]
that feels good.
That's it.
say, "uh-oh.
That feels good.
That's it.
say, "uh-oh.
uh-oh.
say, "uh-oh.
uh-oh.
we planted a fart machine uh-oh.
we planted a fart machine under the table.
we planted a fart machine under the table.
Play.
Under the table.
Play.
[ farting .]
Play.
[ farting .]
[ laughter .]
that was me.
[ laughter .]
that was -- that was me.
[ laughter .]
that was -- that was me.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
oh-ho-ho! Oh, joe.
oh-ho-ho! Oh, joe.
[ laughing .]
joe.
[ laughing .]
joe.
Look at the belly.
Look at the belly.
Joe, before she comes in, put Joe, before she comes in, put your legs up like you're in the Your legs up like you're in the gynecologist's office.
Gynecologist's office.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all the way up.
All the way up.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
stay like that.
Stay like that.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ knock on door .]
[ knock on door .]
come in.
come in.
it's a dude! it's a dude! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ask him if he has stirrups.
ask him if he has stirrups.
do you have stirrups? [ laughter .]
higher.
higher.
[ laughter .]
higher.
[ laughter .]
say it, buddy.
[ laughter .]
say it, buddy.
higher.
Say it, buddy.
higher.
[ laughter .]
higher.
[ laughter .]
yeah, that's really tight.
[ laughter .]
yeah, that's really tight.
Ow, ow.
Aah! yeah, that's really tight.
Ow, ow.
Aah! joe doesn't bend that way.
Ow, ow.
Aah! joe doesn't bend that way.
I'm not flexible.
joe doesn't bend that way.
I'm not flexible.
I'm actually known for not being I'm not flexible.
I'm actually known for not being very flexible.
I'm actually known for not being very flexible.
[ groans .]
Very flexible.
[ groans .]
let's just let him get the [ groans .]
let's just let him get the massage.
let's just let him get the massage.
[ laughter .]
Massage.
[ laughter .]
you don't have to say [ laughter .]
you don't have to say anything.
Probably not.
what is going on? what is going on? please god let it be the last please god let it be the last one.
One.
[ groans .]
[ groans .]
oh, god.
I'll talk.
Oh, god.
I'll talk.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
joe, ask him for permission joe, ask him for permission to wiggle.
To wiggle.
permission to wiggle.
permission to wiggle.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going.
keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going.
[ laughter .]
it's like a workout.
[ laughter .]
keep calling him father.
no way.
[ laughter .]
ask him if he'll massage your [ laughter .]
ask him if he'll massage your thumbs down, baby.
ask him if he'll massage your thumbs down, baby.
my hand is a little [ buzzer .]
all right, q, time for some all right, q, time for some r&r.
R&r.
When the masseuse comes in, drop When the masseuse comes in, drop your robe off entirely.
Your robe off entirely.
[ knock on door .]
[ knock on door .]
hello? hello? here we go.
here we go.
hey, how's it going, man? good.
How are you? hey, how's it going, man? good.
How are you? good, good.
good.
How are you? good, good.
all righty.
good, good.
all righty.
[ laughter .]
all righty.
[ laughter .]
yes, facedown.
[ laughter .]
yes, facedown.
So your face goes right in that Yes, facedown.
So your face goes right in that hole.
So your face goes right in that hole.
pull the sheet over your Hole.
pull the sheet over your head.
pull the sheet over your head.
[ laughter .]
Head.
[ laughter .]
keep going, keep going, keep [ laughter .]
keep going, keep going, keep going.
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
Yeah, that's right.
Going.
Yeah, that's right.
look at that guy's face.
Yeah, that's right.
look at that guy's face.
we see some ass crack there.
look at that guy's face.
we see some ass crack there.
god, I got a little draft we see some ass crack there.
god, I got a little draft going down there.
god, I got a little draft going down there.
[ laughter .]
Going down there.
[ laughter .]
I know I'm harder to massage [ laughter .]
I know I'm harder to massage with all this fat.
I know I'm harder to massage with all this fat.
I know I'm harder to massage With all this fat.
I know I'm harder to massage with all the fat.
I know I'm harder to massage with all the fat.
[ laughter .]
With all the fat.
[ laughter .]
divorced and fat.
[ laughter .]
divorced and fat.
I'm divorced, lonely divorced and fat.
I'm divorced, lonely Fat.
I'm divorced, lonely Fat.
But, hey, this massage feels Fat.
But, hey, this massage feels pretty good.
But, hey, this massage feels pretty good.
okay.
Good.
Pretty good.
okay.
Good.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Good.
[ laughter .]
q, request more oil, but call [ laughter .]
q, request more oil, but call it "earl.
" q, request more oil, but call it "earl.
" [ laughter .]
It "earl.
" [ laughter .]
do you have any more earl? [ laughter .]
please, yeah.
More earl, please.
Please, yeah.
More earl, please.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
keep calling it earl.
keep calling it earl.
is this the scented earl is this the scented earl or Or I wouldn't mind a little more I wouldn't mind a little more earl.
[ laughter .]
Earl.
[ laughter .]
oh, yeah.
[ laughter .]
oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
lower.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
lower.
lower.
lower.
lower.
there it is.
lower.
there it is.
I carry tension in my ass.
there it is.
I carry tension in my ass.
[ laughter .]
I carry tension in my ass.
[ laughter .]
you feel tension there, [ laughter .]
you feel tension there, right? you feel tension there, right? mm-hmm.
Right? mm-hmm.
I carry my tension in my ass.
I carry my tension in my ass.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: It's an unhappy [ ding! .]
narrator: It's an unhappy ending for joe.
narrator: It's an unhappy ending for joe.
He's first up on the loser Ending for joe.
He's first up on the loser board.
He's first up on the loser board.
today, we're in the park, Board.
today, we're in the park, asking strangers, "penny for today, we're in the park, asking strangers, "penny for your thoughts?" Asking strangers, "penny for your thoughts?" we'll have to get a stranger Your thoughts?" we'll have to get a stranger to share their thoughts and then we'll have to get a stranger to share their thoughts and then tell them what we're thinking.
To share their thoughts and then tell them what we're thinking.
but the catch is -- our inner Tell them what we're thinking.
but the catch is -- our inner thoughts will be given to us by but the catch is -- our inner thoughts will be given to us by the other guys, though, so Thoughts will be given to us by the other guys, though, so that's not good.
if you can't tell a stranger exactly what you're thinking, Exactly what you're thinking, you lose.
You lose.
penny for your thoughts.
penny for your thoughts.
What are you thinking? What are you thinking? I'm just thinking about how I'm just thinking about how I'm wearing all black, and it's I'm wearing all black, and it's like 100 degrees right now.
Like 100 degrees right now.
you know what I'm thinking? you know what I'm thinking? I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
[ laughter .]
Whole wide world.
[ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the [ laughter .]
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
I'm the baddest boy in the whole wide world.
[ laughs .]
Whole wide world.
[ laughs .]
well, I'm the baddest girl, [ laughs .]
well, I'm the baddest girl, so Well, I'm the baddest girl, so all: Whoa! So all: Whoa! we finally meet.
all: Whoa! we finally meet.
also we finally meet.
also also also also I was wondering what a also I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
Dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
say it, say it.
[ laughter .]
say it, say it.
also, I was wondering what a Say it, say it.
also, I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
also, I was wondering what a dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
Dolphin puss looks like.
[ laughter .]
'cause you never see those.
[ laughter .]
'cause you never see those.
it's kind of circular.
'cause you never see those.
it's kind of circular.
[ laughter .]
it's kind of circular.
[ laughter .]
oh, okay.
[ laughter .]
oh, okay.
you learn something every oh, okay.
you learn something every day, right? you learn something every day, right? [ laughter .]
Day, right? [ laughter .]
you're right.
[ laughter .]
you're right.
You are the baddest girl in the you're right.
You are the baddest girl in the whole wide world.
You are the baddest girl in the whole wide world.
[ ding! .]
penny for your thoughts.
What are you thinking? What are you thinking? I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
there are so many places on there are so many places on my body to hide rice.
My body to hide rice.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
there's so many places on my body to hide rice.
there's so many places on my body to hide rice.
[ laughter .]
Body to hide rice.
[ laughter .]
fold after fold, crevice after [ laughter .]
fold after fold, crevice after crevice.
Fold after fold, crevice after crevice.
I mean, I get two boxes no Crevice.
I mean, I get two boxes no problem.
I mean, I get two boxes no problem.
I mean, under the belly fold Problem.
I mean, under the belly fold itself, I could probably get a I mean, under the belly fold itself, I could probably get a half-pound.
Itself, I could probably get a half-pound.
[ laughter .]
Half-pound.
[ laughter .]
you know another thing that's [ laughter .]
you know another thing that's rising to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's rising to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's Rising to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's coming to the top of my mind? you know another thing that's coming to the top of my mind? if jesus is all around us Coming to the top of my mind? if jesus is all around us if jesus is all around us if jesus is all around us if jesus is all around us What's up with africa? if jesus is all around us What's up with africa? What the [bleep.]
up with What's up with africa? What the [bleep.]
up with africa? What the [bleep.]
up with africa? [ laughter .]
Africa? [ laughter .]
what? [ laughter .]
what? Did he just skip that continent? What? Did he just skip that continent? [ laughter .]
Did he just skip that continent? [ laughter .]
'cause not a lot of good [ laughter .]
'cause not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
'cause not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
not a lot of good [bleep.]
[bleep.]
happens there.
not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
not a lot of good [bleep.]
happens there.
[ laughter .]
Happens there.
[ laughter .]
all right, well, that wraps it [ laughter .]
all right, well, that wraps it up.
All right, well, that wraps it up.
[ laughter .]
Up.
[ laughter .]
okay, buddy.
[ laughter .]
okay, buddy.
Ding-ding, bitches.
Okay, buddy.
Ding-ding, bitches.
[ ding! .]
penny for your thoughts, man.
What are you thinking while What are you thinking while you're looking into the pool? You're looking into the pool? Yeah, yeah.
It looks cool.
Yeah, yeah.
It looks cool.
I was just sitting here and I I was just sitting here and I was thinking about Was thinking about we buried l lucy in way too we buried l lucy in way too much bling.
Much bling.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I thought We just buried lucy in too much I thought We just buried lucy in too much bling.
We just buried lucy in too much bling.
We really loaded that corpse up.
Bling.
We really loaded that corpse up.
[ laughter .]
We really loaded that corpse up.
[ laughter .]
lucy and I never got along.
[ laughter .]
lucy and I never got along.
lucy and I never got along.
lucy and I never got along.
lucy and I never got along.
I mean, does anybody get lucy and I never got along.
I mean, does anybody get along with their mother? I mean, does anybody get along with their mother? does anybody really get along Along with their mother? does anybody really get along with their mother, though? does anybody really get along with their mother, though? you know what other thing I'm With their mother, though? you know what other thing I'm thinking? you know what other thing I'm thinking? on paper, that baby should Thinking? on paper, that baby should have been fine.
on paper, that baby should have been fine.
[ laughter .]
Have been fine.
[ laughter .]
I'm just thinking that, like, [ laughter .]
I'm just thinking that, like, on paper, that I'm just thinking that, like, on paper, that That baby should have been fine.
On paper, that That baby should have been fine.
[ laughter .]
That baby should have been fine.
[ laughter .]
they just didn't take into [ laughter .]
they just didn't take into account the velocity.
They just didn't take into account the velocity.
oh, my god.
baby should have been okay.
Right.
Hey, man, take it easy.
Right.
Hey, man, take it easy.
[ laughing .]
"good luck.
" [ laughing .]
"good luck.
" aah! aah! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
uh, penny for your thoughts.
What have you been thinking What have you been thinking about today? About today? You know what I've been thinking You know what I've been thinking about today? About today? I'm afraid of bees.
I'm afraid of bees.
I'm really deathly afraid of I'm really deathly afraid of bees.
Bees.
boo-bees.
boo-bees.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
boo-bees.
boo-bees.
Male or female.
Male or female.
You're freaking me out right You're freaking me out right now.
Now.
No, no.
Please.
This is america.
No, no.
Please.
This is america.
he put the shirt on.
he put the shirt on.
he put the shirt on? he put the shirt on? you didn't have to put a you didn't have to put a shirt on because of me.
Shirt on because of me.
murray, you horrible, murray, you horrible, horrible person, you.
Horrible person, you.
penny for your thoughts.
penny for your thoughts.
What are you thinking about What are you thinking about today? Today? You know what I've been thinking You know what I've been thinking about all day? About all day? why are condoms so baggy? why are condoms so baggy? oh! oh! I've been thinking I've been thinking Why are condoms so baggy? Why are condoms so baggy? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
every time I put them on, every time I put them on, they slip right off.
They slip right off.
they slip right off.
they slip right off.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you know, I apparently have a you know, I apparently have a small penis.
Small penis.
You have a great day.
You have a great day.
My god.
My god.
all right.
all right.
too embarrassing.
too embarrassing.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: All the jokers were narrator: All the jokers were penny-wise, so they're safe from Penny-wise, so they're safe from the loser board.
The loser board.
Coming up, how will things twerk Coming up, how will things twerk the borgata hotel casino & spa The borgata hotel casino & spa in atlantic city, just playing some slots In atlantic city, just playing some slots On the official "jokers" slot Some slots On the official "jokers" slot machine.
On the official "jokers" slot machine.
each spin will tell us what Machine.
each spin will tell us what we have to do, who we have to do each spin will tell us what we have to do, who we have to do it to, and -- the best part -- We have to do, who we have to do it to, and -- the best part -- how we have to do it.
the goal is to complete whatever crazy combination comes Whatever crazy combination comes up on your spin.
Up on your spin.
if you can't complete the if you can't complete the task, you lose, and the house Task, you lose, and the house wins.
Wins.
ooh! ooh! narrator: It's murr and joe narrator: It's murr and joe in a joker vs.
Joker double down In a joker vs.
Joker double down challenge.
Challenge.
all right, we ready to do all right, we ready to do this? This? here we go, man.
here we go, man.
here we go.
here we go.
slot machine slot machine slot machine slot machine come on, now.
Come on.
come on, now.
Come on.
all: "twerk.
" all: "twerk.
" [ laughter .]
all: Oh! [ laughter .]
all: Oh! wild card.
all: Oh! wild card.
wild card -- whoever we say.
wild card.
wild card -- whoever we say.
our choice.
wild card -- whoever we say.
our choice.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
our choice.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
"cutely.
" [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
"cutely.
" oh, my god.
"cutely.
" oh, my god.
he does have cutely, though.
oh, my god.
he does have cutely, though.
You got something with the cute he does have cutely, though.
You got something with the cute going on.
You got something with the cute going on.
I have to twerk whoever you Going on.
I have to twerk whoever you say, cutely? I have to twerk whoever you say, cutely? cutely.
Say, cutely? cutely.
oh, my god.
I'm so nervous.
cutely.
oh, my god.
I'm so nervous.
you know what twerking is.
oh, my god.
I'm so nervous.
you know what twerking is.
I've seen the videos, yeah.
you know what twerking is.
I've seen the videos, yeah.
he's seen the videos.
I've seen the videos, yeah.
he's seen the videos.
Look at his web-browser history.
he's seen the videos.
Look at his web-browser history.
the word twerk is definitely Look at his web-browser history.
the word twerk is definitely in there to start off at least the word twerk is definitely in there to start off at least In there to start off at least all right, here.
all right, here.
Football jersey, football all right, here.
Football jersey, football jersey.
Football jersey, football jersey.
fellas, do you know where the Jersey.
fellas, do you know where the club is here? fellas, do you know where the club is here? That way.
You ever been? Club is here? That way.
You ever been? yeah.
That way.
You ever been? yeah.
is it any good or no? yeah.
is it any good or no? good.
is it any good or no? good.
you better start twerking.
good.
you better start twerking.
I've been practicing my you better start twerking.
I've been practicing my moves.
I've been practicing my moves.
really? Moves.
really? tell me if I'm doing it really? tell me if I'm doing it right.
tell me if I'm doing it right.
I'm trying to twerk a little Right.
I'm trying to twerk a little bit.
I'm trying to twerk a little bit.
You know Bit.
You know [ laughter .]
You know [ laughter .]
you know, like [ laughter .]
you know, like Like a little twerking thing, You know, like Like a little twerking thing, you know? Like a little twerking thing, you know? Am I doing it right? You know? Am I doing it right? keep going, keep going, keep Am I doing it right? keep going, keep going, keep going.
keep going, keep going, keep going.
like this, you know? Going.
like this, you know? [ laughter .]
like this, you know? [ laughter .]
nice, nice.
[ laughter .]
nice, nice.
twerk it out, you know? nice, nice.
twerk it out, you know? "twerk it out.
" is that it? That's what the kids are doing, That's what the kids are doing, right? Right? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
make it cuter, make it cuter.
make it cuter, make it cuter.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
murray, you twerk that ass.
murray, you twerk that ass.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right, boys, here we go.
all right, boys, here we go.
joe's a gambling man.
joe's a gambling man.
Joe's a gambling man.
Joe's a gambling man.
I'm a gambler.
I'm a gambler.
I'm like kenny loggins.
I'm like kenny loggins.
kenny rogers.
kenny rogers.
wait.
What? wait.
What? You know nothing.
You know nothing.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
all: Oh! all: Oh! that's wild.
you don't want that for the that's wild.
you don't want that for the verb.
you don't want that for the verb.
no, you do not.
Verb.
no, you do not.
that means that we choose no, you do not.
that means that we choose what you have to do.
that means that we choose what you have to do.
"1st person.
" What you have to do.
"1st person.
" when you get out there, boom.
"1st person.
" when you get out there, boom.
Whoever you see you got to do.
when you get out there, boom.
Whoever you see you got to do.
all right.
Whoever you see you got to do.
all right.
[ laughter .]
all right.
[ laughter .]
what are the odds? [ laughter .]
what are the odds? blank to the first person you what are the odds? blank to the first person you see, blank.
blank to the first person you see, blank.
You're going out there blind.
See, blank.
You're going out there blind.
We're just gonna tell you what You're going out there blind.
We're just gonna tell you what to do.
We're just gonna tell you what to do.
pick up To do.
pick up the first person I see.
pick up the first person I see.
and twirl them.
the first person I see.
and twirl them.
twirl them around, buddy.
and twirl them.
twirl them around, buddy.
twirl them? twirl them around, buddy.
twirl them? close your eyes.
twirl them? close your eyes.
As soon as you open them, close your eyes.
As soon as you open them, whoever's there, you have to do As soon as you open them, whoever's there, you have to do it.
Whoever's there, you have to do it.
here we go, here we go, here It.
here we go, here we go, here we go.
here we go, here we go, here we go.
oh, there he is.
We go.
oh, there he is.
[ laughter .]
Peace out, bro.
well, he's just walking like nothing happened.
well, he's just walking like nothing happened.
He just got picked up and Nothing happened.
He just got picked up and twirled.
He just got picked up and twirled.
that was so weird.
Twirled.
that was so weird.
twirlsky.
that was so weird.
twirlsky.
[ ding! .]
twirlsky.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: Joe twirled his way [ laughter .]
narrator: Joe twirled his way to a win, but he's still narrator: Joe twirled his way to a win, but he's still tonight's big loser.
To a win, but he's still tonight's big loser.
my hot-model sense is Tonight's big loser.
my hot-model sense is tingling.
my hot-model sense is tingling.
that's because we're here for Tingling.
that's because we're here for joe's punishment -- backstage at that's because we're here for joe's punishment -- backstage at a fashion show, where, in a few Joe's punishment -- backstage at a fashion show, where, in a few moments, this room is gonna be A fashion show, where, in a few moments, this room is gonna be filled with models.
Moments, this room is gonna be filled with models.
Joe's gonna have to saddle up Filled with models.
Joe's gonna have to saddle up and hit the runway.
Joe's gonna have to saddle up and hit the runway.
I'm a model? And hit the runway.
I'm a model? you're a model.
I'm a model? you're a model.
well, you will be a model you're a model.
well, you will be a model when dressed like this.
well, you will be a model when dressed like this.
come on.
When dressed like this.
come on.
it's about to get ugly in come on.
it's about to get ugly in hereLiterally.
it's about to get ugly in hereLiterally.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you are the ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire you are the ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire life.
I've ever seen in my entire life.
that's true.
Life.
that's true.
in my entire life.
that's true.
in my entire life.
that's true.
in my entire life.
that's true.
I guarantee you if you went that's true.
I guarantee you if you went out right now into the city I guarantee you if you went out right now into the city streets and just started full Out right now into the city streets and just started full speed, people would flee like Streets and just started full speed, people would flee like you were godzilla.
Speed, people would flee like you were godzilla.
[ laughs .]
You were godzilla.
[ laughs .]
line up.
Here we go.
[ laughs .]
line up.
Here we go.
oh, god.
Line up.
Here we go.
oh, god.
I'm gonna kill myself.
oh, god.
I'm gonna kill myself.
[ laughter .]
I'm gonna kill myself.
[ laughter .]
okay, this makes total sense.
[ laughter .]
okay, this makes total sense.
So, it's me, then multiple Okay, this makes total sense.
So, it's me, then multiple beautiful women.
So, it's me, then multiple beautiful women.
build up that confidence.
Beautiful women.
build up that confidence.
Build up that confidence.
build up that confidence.
Build up that confidence.
what joe doesn't know is that Build up that confidence.
what joe doesn't know is that there's no fashion show.
what joe doesn't know is that there's no fashion show.
All those models are fake.
There's no fashion show.
All those models are fake.
he's gonna play a software All those models are fake.
he's gonna play a software developer giving a speech on he's gonna play a software developer giving a speech on brand-new apps to techies.
Developer giving a speech on brand-new apps to techies.
yeah.
Brand-new apps to techies.
yeah.
to informed techies who know yeah.
to informed techies who know what they're talking about.
to informed techies who know what they're talking about.
while dressed like that.
What they're talking about.
while dressed like that.
guys, I'm next.
while dressed like that.
guys, I'm next.
If I fall, just play natural.
guys, I'm next.
If I fall, just play natural.
work it, buddy.
If I fall, just play natural.
work it, buddy.
Work it, buddy.
work it, buddy.
Work it, buddy.
that's it.
Work it, buddy.
that's it.
[ laughter .]
that's it.
[ laughter .]
none of these people are [ laughter .]
none of these people are expecting a fashion show.
none of these people are expecting a fashion show.
good luck with the Expecting a fashion show.
good luck with the presentation.
good luck with the presentation.
[ laughter .]
Presentation.
[ laughter .]
hmm.
[ laughter .]
hmm.
[ laughter .]
hmm.
[ laughter .]
welcome, everybody.
Um [ laughter .]
welcome, everybody.
Um [ laughter .]
Welcome, everybody.
Um [ laughter .]
we're doing a presentation [ laughter .]
we're doing a presentation today.
We're doing a presentation today.
he looks like an elephant.
Today.
he looks like an elephant.
he looks like a purple he looks like an elephant.
he looks like a purple elephant.
he looks like a purple elephant.
He looks like grimace.
Elephant.
He looks like grimace.
you guys are [bleep.]
jerks.
He looks like grimace.
you guys are [bleep.]
jerks.
oh, my god.
you guys are [bleep.]
jerks.
oh, my god.
so, let's get started.
oh, my god.
so, let's get started.
Let's take a look at our new so, let's get started.
Let's take a look at our new apps.
Let's take a look at our new apps.
this is the cutting edge in Apps.
this is the cutting edge in application technology.
this is the cutting edge in application technology.
let's take a look.
Application technology.
let's take a look.
the first app -- racebook.
let's take a look.
the first app -- racebook.
[ laughing .]
racebook.
the first app -- racebook.
[ laughing .]
racebook.
racebook puts all your [ laughing .]
racebook.
racebook puts all your friends of different races in racebook puts all your friends of different races in one place and segregates them.
Friends of different races in one place and segregates them.
[ laughter .]
One place and segregates them.
[ laughter .]
so, this is gonna go for $4.
99.
[ laughter .]
so, this is gonna go for $4.
99.
[ laughter .]
So, this is gonna go for $4.
99.
[ laughter .]
who's gonna pay 5 bucks for [ laughter .]
who's gonna pay 5 bucks for it? who's gonna pay 5 bucks for it? random number generator.
It? random number generator.
Now, this is one of our random number generator.
Now, this is one of our favorites that we're excited Now, this is one of our favorites that we're excited about.
Favorites that we're excited about.
You generate a completely random About.
You generate a completely random number in a matter of minutes.
You generate a completely random number in a matter of minutes.
[ laughter .]
Number in a matter of minutes.
[ laughter .]
it takes minutes for the number [ laughter .]
it takes minutes for the number to be generated.
It takes minutes for the number to be generated.
And why does it take minutes? To be generated.
And why does it take minutes? Why does it take so long? And why does it take minutes? Why does it take so long? We try not to repeat one number Why does it take so long? We try not to repeat one number ever across all platforms.
We try not to repeat one number ever across all platforms.
[ laughter .]
Ever across all platforms.
[ laughter .]
why would you need to randomly [ laughter .]
why would you need to randomly generate a number? Why would you need to randomly generate a number? Your privacy's important to us.
Generate a number? Your privacy's important to us.
[ laughter .]
Your privacy's important to us.
[ laughter .]
what? [ laughter .]
what? femail -- finallyE-mail what? femail -- finallyE-mail for women.
femail -- finallyE-mail for women.
I know what you're thinking.
For women.
I know what you're thinking.
"don't us girls use e-mail I know what you're thinking.
"don't us girls use e-mail already?" "don't us girls use e-mail already?" no.
Already?" no.
[ laughter .]
No.
[ laughter .]
it's an e-mail only -- [ laughter .]
it's an e-mail only -- female-market-only-generated It's an e-mail only -- female-market-only-generated e-mail app.
Female-market-only-generated e-mail app.
Spam deletion periodically -- E-mail app.
Spam deletion periodically -- once a month.
Spam deletion periodically -- once a month.
[ laughter .]
Once a month.
[ laughter .]
it's easy to combine accounts [ laughter .]
it's easy to combine accounts with friends.
It's easy to combine accounts with friends.
You cycle up.
With friends.
You cycle up.
[ laughter .]
The fe-mail verification filter -- once you press send, Filter -- once you press send, femail will ask you five more Femail will ask you five more times, "are you sure you want to Times, "are you sure you want to send this? Send this? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I really appreciate everything I really appreciate everything we presented here today.
We presented here today.
Thank you so much, guys.
Thank you so much, guys.
[ applause .]
[ applause .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ laughter .]