Invader ZIM (2001) s01e23 Episode Script

Mysterious Mysteries

Wa ha ha ha ha ha!
And like the alien said,
go to the Blotch.
The Blotch knows.
So, I, like, love my husband
and came out here to
commune with the Blotch.
The Blotch knows.
The Blotch knows.
What exactly does
the Blotch know?
Um the future?
I don't know--
It's really hard to
make out, you know.
He does that sometimes.
Hey, got bad news.
You're fired!
Ha ha ha ha!
Gotcha. Ha ha.
No, you're not fired.
But you will be, unless
you liven up the show.
Submissions for
next week's show.
There has to be
something good here.
An unusually fat baby. No.
Angry mutant beef jerky. No!
Oh, it's hopeless!
Well, there's always that stuff
that crazy Dib kid keeps sending in.
No. No! Not after what
happened that last time.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
It's got to be
better than Pigfoot.
Get the van. I think
we've got something.
Now, harder hitting,
faster paced,
and even more mysterious.
Are we alone in the universe?
Tonight, we'll show you
some intriguing video
that may just answer
that vexing question.
You're my witness!
He is an alien.
I have him on tape. I have
you on tape witnessing it.
Thanks to a horribly
large-headed boy named Dib,
we have a new piece
in the puzzle that is
the search for alien life.
I set out to investigate.
Kids play without fear
in the streets of
this humble hamlet.
In fact, it's the kind of place
where you don't even
have to lock the door.
Who are you?
Get out of my house!
Oh, wow!
You're here!
I knew one day you'd come.
I knew it.
Young Dib has been
chronicling the paranormal
nearly all of his brief life.
So when a green kid claiming to
be a human boy with a skin condition
entered his classroom,
he says he was prepared.
Look, he's so green.
Help us clear up what
happened that night.
I was monitoring some of the
higher frequency radio waves
when I picked up on
an alien distress signal.
So I went out with Gaz
She's kind of my sidekick.
We are close now.
I feel it in my brain.
Ooh, golly!
What is that?!
Stay back, Gaz.
Look, Gaz, you are my witness.
He is an alien!
I have him on tape.
I have you on
tape witnessing it.
Eeeee! Oooohhhh! Aaahhh!
He tried to wrestle the
video away from me,
but I was too much for him.
Dib, the glow!
That's quite a claim.
Are you prepared to defend it?
I think my video
speaks for itself.
This young man
denies your accusation.
What's he doing here?!
He's the alien!
I came to put a stop
to all your alien talk.
When will the lies end?
Well, Zim, I guess
my first question is
Are you an alien?!
Lies! The filthy Earthboy lies!
I mean no.
Well, what about the video?
I was out playing,
like any normal Earth larvae,
when he came
looking for trouble.
Hey, new kid, give
me your lunch monies.
But I need these
monies to buy nutrients.
Gimme the monies
or I'll tell everyone
you're an alien.
Leave me alone.
I just want to play.
Look, Gaz, you are my witness.
He is an alien.
I have him on tape.
I have you on
tape witnessing it.
Boo hoo hoo hoo.
That didn't happen!
He lies!
Calm down, you two.
You'll never get away with this!
Silence, you tiny brain
What about that glowing thing?
Look at it. That's
no human glow.
We asked an expert.
Possibly a weather balloon.
Or swamp gas.
Swamp gas?
He's crazy.
Ask anyone in our class.
Dib? Yeah
He's pretty crazy.
He told me my daddy was a yeti.
My daddy's not a yeti!
He's not a yeti! Wa ha!
What's up with his head?
Well, Dib, I guess the
question for you is
Are you crazy?
Of course they say I'm crazy.
That's what they always
say about visionaries.
What's he doing?
What are you doing,
calling your space friends?
Nonsense. It's my medication.
Come on, boys.
This is national TV.
Some people's
jobs are on the line.
This is insane.
You've got to talk to my sister.
She saw the whole thing.
Zim, tormented
child with a skin condition
or scaly demon from the stars?
Dib, misunderstood visionary
or raving lunatic?
Perhaps only this
little girl knows.
Excuse me.
Go away!
I wanted to ask you a few
questions about your brother.
Maybe you can set us straight
on the whole craziness issue.
Ughh! Ughh!
Gaz, after what you saw,
do you believe that
your brother got proof
of intelligent
extraterrestrial life?
Intelligent -- no.
My stupid brother
did drag me out
to look for stupid Zim.
He didn't make that part up.
Duh shiny.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ahem. Look, Gaz,
you're my witness.
He is an alien.
I have him on tape.
I have you on
tape witnessing it.
Huh? Oh.
It looks like we'll never know
what really happened that night.
I'd like to thank
you all for watching
what will almost certainly
be the final episode
of Mysterious Mysteries.
Uh, it seems we have
a surprise witness
who was there and
claims to know the truth.
But he works for the alien!
Restrain him!
Now, what can you
tell us about Dib?
Dib's all mean to my master.
He not nice to Zim.
I seen it.
Dib is bad. Hee!
And about the night in question?
I was a chubby
lady hiding in the bushes.
Uh-huh. And what about Dib?
I'm on TV!
Yes. Then what happened?
That's when the giant
squirrel showed up.
Let her talk. Can't
you see she's upset?
Now, don't you
mean Dib showed up?
No. The squirrel
showed up first,
then Dib showed up.
Ah! Oh, man!
What is that thing?!
And then the squirrel
ate Dib's greasy head.
And then the squirrel flew away!
After that, he went
back to his home planet
to fight all of the bad guys.
What does that have
to do with anything?
Me and the squirrel are friends.
I'm so fired.
Well, the only
conclusion I can come to
is that Dib is crazy!
This one here, definitely crazy.
I feel bad for the
ugly green kid,
but there's a decent
chance he's crazy, too.
But not an alien?
- Okay.
- Just crazy.
Nothing matters anymore.
Maybe I'm crazy!
Whoooo! Aha!
We're so canceled.
I think this is the
best work you've done!
Crazy gets good ratings!
Gimme more like it!
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