Irma Vep (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

The Ring That Kills

- Welcome.

- Thank you.

This is Miss Harberg's suite.

The bedroom is on your right.

On your left, you have the living room
with a direct access to the terrace,
and the beautiful view of Paris.

- This is a living room?
- Yes, it is.

- Very nice.

- Mm-hm.

This is the bathroom that
opens into the living room?
Uh, yes, it does.

Honestly, Carla, it's small
and Mira's not gonna be happy.

It's not small.

It's more Parisian, and
and charming, and, and
and cozy.

This is no big production.

We can't afford The Plaza.

That was clear from the start.

And Zelda approved of it?
she didn't reply, but
we assumed it was fine.

Okay, well, I'm gonna call Zelda
and figure something out.

Hey, she's gonna freak out
when she sees this room.

I mean, it's nice, but
it's a fucking junior suite.

I told her not to get
involved with those people.

What else can I do?
You told her that?
That's insane.

This is exactly the part
she's been dying to play.

Who do you think you're talking to?
Your job is to book flights,
to keep her entertained,
and to make sure she sees emails
that would end up in her spam folder,
and I don't think you have
the brain to do that job,
so let's not start thinking you
have the capacity to do mine.

Part of your job is to keep her happy,
and she hasn't been for a while, so.

She has no reason to complain.

"Doomsday" is a massive hit!
Time to cash in.

That's so not her.

Yeah, it's me, and as far as I know,
she takes advice from her agent,
so thank you for your insights,
but let's keep the
decision-making to the adults.

Okay, quiet during the make-up test.

If you come close to the camera.


It's a very tight closeup.

Even tighter.


If you walk around now,
I'd like to see how the
light plays on the catsuit.

Look at us.

Uh, I lost you.


Again, a bit closer.

And cut.

One last picture and I'm done.



Okay, perfect.
Is it the last look?
Yeah, we're good.

That's okay.

- Great.

- Yeah, it's okay.

The style is almost like Musidora.


Right, let's take off your hood.

I'll walk you to your dressing room.

Great, yeah, it's getting hot.

It's a nice hotel,
but we really had to twist their arm
to get a decent suite.

Well, you're in Europe.

They have a culture of saving
on whatever they can.

It's a TV show.

It's not some indie feature.

Zelda wants you to call her back.

I will tomorrow.

Please, she's already
called you, like, three times.

Heard they're shutting down your show.

Why would they do that?
Can't get René insured.

Anybody can get insured.

Yeah if you pay.

And they're asking for a shitload.

Pack your bags, and get
the hell out of there, okay?
This is bad news.

Well, no one here seems to know.

They know it.

They're just not telling you.

Okay, you have five minutes?
I wanna take off
my makeup and get going.

I want to discuss
the "Silver Surfer" sequel.

Yes, and we've already discussed it.

- They want you.

- Yeah, but it's a boring part.

I'm tired of being the girlfriend.


Here's the twist
It's a reboot.

Okay? Silver Surfer dies,
and the girlfriend takes over.

This is exactly what
people want right now.

High-concept, feminist,
lady-led superhero movie.

All right? They are
gonna go nuts over this.

Are you serious?
You want me to play the Silver Surfer?
She wants me to play the Silver Surfer.

Yeah, I sure do.

I would even pay to see it.

And they're ready
to write you a blank check.

Who's directing?
A hot new British filmmaker.

He directed Grimes' videos.

His name escapes me.

"Irma Vep" is not happening.

All right? Don't worry,
I'll make sure they pay you out,
but, uh
get over it.

Oui, oui.

- Do you come here a lot?
- I haven't been here for ages.

There's a seat over there.

I spoke to my agent.

She said they're shutting us down.

Absolutely not.

You sure?
What would you like to drink?
Do you want a beer?

Well, they found another insurer
who's covering René with no extra cost.

But you want me to be honest?
I think they should shut us down.

Why do you say that?
Because René is nuts.

Yeah, I've heard,
but, you know, based on my experience,
I think
he's nuts in a good way.

Yeah, I love him very much
Well, most of the time,
but he can be scary nuts.

Well, no offense meant, but
you're something of a kook, too.

I'm wardrobe.
Who cares
if I have a screw loose?
- So, the show is happening?
- It is.

So, I'm not going back to LA?
Did you want to go back to LA?

- Not really.

- Because you broke up with Laurie?

If you go back to LA,
you'll end up seeing her again.

Not if I can avoid it.

Do you trust yourself?

I trusted Laurie, though.

I, I, I opened up, I let her in.

Uh she chose
to take advantage of it.

But it was great.

It was great, so great
before it went toxic.

Anyway, she helped me
out of this relationship
with my ex, Eamonn,
that was going nowhere.

Um, I wouldn't have done it on my own,
so I should be grateful.

I thought you and Eamonn
were madly in love.

We had, um
two good years, and
the third year was hell.

That's not at all
what he told the media.

Well, Eamonn rewrites the story.

Well, you dumped a megastar
for your assistant.

- He felt humiliated.

- Or angry.

A lot of people got
angry on social media.

You know what? You're not
supposed to date your employee.

They loved it when Laurie
turned the tables on me.

They felt vindicated,
and they made sure I knew.

What about you?
How did you feel?
The wild thing is
that it turned me on.

So, you prefer chaos in
Paris to loneliness in LA?
You know what?
I have no fucking idea.

Follow that car.

Go, go!
Ah, Mister Philippe Guérande.

You're not the Count of Noirmoutier,
you're the Grand Vampire.

You fell into our trap.

- Now it's time to pay the price!
- Let me go!
Let me go!
Go, go, go!
Come midnight, you will be sentenced
by the Vampire's Grand Inquisitor.

And you will be executed at dawn
before the Dark Committee.

To punish you for meddling,
the dancer, Marfa Koutiloff,
has been poisoned.

She's dead.

Sorry, I
I think of Musidora.

She was perfection.

I just feel like a cheap imitation.

No, there's nothing cheap
about what you're doing, Mira.

You almost have it.

it's not the way it feels.

Let yourself go.

- Don't focus on the step.

- Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do,
but it just
feels stiff.

No, you're pretty close.

But don't lose the pace.



When you do this movement
you have to stretch,
and feel your foot until the end.

Yeah, okay?
And then you come here,
and stretch your body very high, yes.

And shoulder, and suddenly turn.


- Ugh, it's always the turn, ugh.

- Don't worry, Mira.
It's okay.

Don't worry.

Let's do it one more time
just to make sure we hit all the marks.

And remember,
you're not dancing for an audience
you're dancing for the camera.

- Sure.

- The moves that feel bizarre
can be good on-screen.

But acting is like choreography.

It has to feel right,
it can't be forced.

Let's do it one more time.

- Right, first, yeah.

- Okay.

We've got it.

Where did that come from?
- I don't know.

- Really?
- I don't know.
It felt bizarre
- It's about the
- so I went for it.

- Teeth or something like that?
Maybe I thought of vampires.

You're crazy!
- Great.

- Okay.

I am the Vampire's Grand Inquisitor.

Now it's time to administer justice.

Let me go, let me go!
You will pay for this!
The Vampires' secrets.

I swear, I will avenge Marfa's death.

I will know no peace
until the evil network of The
Vampires has been destroyed.

The Grand Vampire
and his nefarious accomplices
will pay for their crimes.



- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

Must have been a long trip.

- Three days.

- Where were you?
North of Finland.

- Sodankyla.

- Ah.

So, Gottfried, what were
you doing in Sodankyla?
They have a film festival.

I was on the jury.

Aki is a friend of mine.

Why not fly?
I don't fly.

Fear of flying?
Anything that flies has to be evil.


You can just sit on
the bench if you want.

Driver was supposed to be here.

Can, can I trust you?
- Yeah, sure.

- It's hard to say, um.

I'm a, I'm a bit embarrassed.

No, please, don't be.

- Don't worry.

- I, I don't, I don't know how to put it.

Yeah, but I've heard a lot.

It's part of the job.

Really, don't be embarrassed.

I'll be honest.
I have an
addiction issue.

Well, happens to the best of us.


I saw customs officers
between Gothenburg and Hamburg, and I
I freaked out.

I I flushed my stash
down the toilet.

It turns out they were just
Swedish soldiers on leave.

- Be careful.

- Yeah.

Can you just get in, please, Gottfried.

I don't know if you have
ever had problems with rocks.

Nope, never.

I've actually never tried crack.

- No?
- No.

Don't believe what they say.

It, it, it doesn't fry your brain.

- No.

- Not entirely, I mean.

But the addiction is mean.

I've heard it's, kind of, overwhelming.

Overwhelming, exactly.

I've been off crack
for a full 24 hours.

Oh, great!
That's the first step.

Now we have a couple of days
left to get clean
before we start shooting.

You'll be all right.

Uh, Carla, right? That's your name?
- Yeah.

- Carla, I, I never acted clean.

You have to score me some.

- Okay.

- Or else I'll throw myself out of the window.

And I
and I
and I
and I
and I
Um, can I have your photo ID, please?
And a credit card for incidentals?

Thank you, sir.

I'm so sorry about the pictures.

French paparazzi.

What pictures?
A French site ran a picture
of you and Regina shopping.

So, um,
what's wrong with shopping with Regina?
They are all
looking for the new girlfriend.

She's young, cool, she fits the part,
makes good story.

If they want Regina,
let them have Regina.

I don't recall anyone asking me.

You know it's part of the job.

That may be, but I don't enjoy it.

I don't want people
to think we're dating.

She's right.

It's unfair to both of you.

Michelle I'm used to this stuff.

It's been my life for years now.

Okay, gotta go.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Is she done?
- Yeah, she just hung up.
Come in.

- Wow, are you okay?
- Jesus Christ Yeah.

- how do you feel?
- Nervous.

This is Irma Vep
at her most iconic, and
they, they want me to
get it right on my first day.

You'll kill it.

Quite the challenge, though.

I got rid of the black
veil for the blouse,
made it more similar to Musidora's.

The original was perfect, so.

And what about the
lighter fabric for the dress?
Easier for the choreography.


- Mind if I smoke?
- No, of course not.

could you do the belt?

Let's see.

- What do you think?
- Yeah, it's good.

Love it.

Regina, can you show me
the scene again?

I think I'm gonna make
a few pictures for René.

Make sure that he likes it.

Regina, please, can you step out?
- Sorry.

- Go away.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

I love it, and I love,
I love, I love you.

I have to show the pictures to René.

Pull the curtains ♪
The sun won't burn us ♪
They will never see our faces ♪
They're not aware of cryptic spaces ♪
Secret breath across my flesh ♪
Nighttime awaits ♪
There is no escape ♪
Lightning cracks the molten sky ♪
Under rules my primal rite ♪
Tonight, now deepening black ♪
We are never going back ♪
Stare into the fire ♪
To mirror our desire ♪
Thank you for letting me
share your ride.

Yeah, you're welcome.

It's been a really hard week.

You should be more patient.

You have no idea how much
I've been stretching my patience.

I think René is right.

I like Philippe's mother.

I I miss her.

You should bring her back.

No, uh, if he even tries
to bring her back, I'm done.

I'm out of here.

Can I ask you a question?

I don't want it to be
embarrassing, though.

But, you know, sometimes, there's
stuff online that you can't avoid.

Yeah, are you talking
about Laurie's Instagram?
Those old photos she posted last night.

Pretty hot, right?
I guess she saw the paparazzi
shot of you and Regina.

You're okay with that?
Uh, no, I'm not, but
I guess it's part of the job.

- Meaning part of being famous?
- Uh, part of
wanting fame.

- Uh-huh.

- Mm-hm.

Uh, you make
you make a deal when you crave that.

You, uh, get fame, and
give a piece of yourself in exchange.

- Like what?
- Like embarrassing photos.

Like outrageous behavior.

Like sharing your privacy.

Uhh, yeah.

The skirt, maybe it
should be a little tighter.


I haven't hemmed it up yet.

I am angry with Laurie, but
that's real life.

Our life.

And the games she wants
to play on the fuckin' internet
are the least of my concerns.

She praises Herman to no end,
like he's changed her life.

I know

What was it like
working with him?
he's a pro.

He loves doing what he does,
and he's a good guy,
but I wouldn't pay
to see a movie of his.

Are we really talking about Herman now?
Was it your first time with a girl?

And it left you a little bit confused.

I guess so.

Are you done?
They're waiting for you on set.

I-I-I'm sorry.

I had no idea you guys were waiting.

Guys, no need to argue.

We did a good job, and I'm

Let's get going.

What are we starting with?
Irma Vep has been hired as
a maid at Philippe Guérande's place,
and she wants to get
the red codebook back.


I meant the Grand Inquisitor's codebook
with all the secrets of the Vampires.

That never made sense to me.

I mean, why would
the Vampires be so dumb
as to write down all their
secrets in a notebook?
I have no idea.

Oh, s-sorry to keep you waiting.

No worries, uh.
We, we
had, uh, stuff to fine-tune.

So, this is, uh, Philippe's
bedroom, and, uh, just
y-you'll open this window.

And then through here,
she will let the Vampire in.

And, uh, the Vampire
will search this desk
for the red codebook.

Can I ask you something?
I'm here to help.

Yeah, I just need a
little clarification.
do you want a coffee?
- Uh, yes.

- Okay, come, um.

So you know, if I were a Vampire

I don't know if I would, you know,
write down all my secrets.

- Mm-hm.

- Or I would keep them in a safe, or
But, uh, w-w-what do you
do with, uh, your passwords?
- I write them down.

- Uh-huh.

- So, are, are they in a safe?
- Who has a safe?
Ah, uh.

- See?
- I know
Okay, get your point.

So, um
let's make sure I got this right.

She's gonna spike Philippe's
herbal tea with a sedative.

Yeah, like, like, this.

He will be in a deep sleep
- when the Vampires come in.

- Yeah, and then she's gonna
- steal the red notebook.

- Uh, r-red
- The red codebook, yeah.

- Code-code-codebook.

And, and the whole plan
depends on Philippe drinking herbal tea
- before he sleeps.

- Yeah, yeah.
It-it's his habit.

No, s
It, it was a joke.

- It is
- Sorry.

Okay, so, uh And,
and also, wh like, wh
Who hired Irma Vep, uh, to be his maid?
his mother did.

Is she still in the film?
I thought you were getting rid of her.

What I promised, uh, Edmond
to get him off my back,
but truth is, uh,
I kept her.

So, Philippe lives with his mother.


and she's here.

- Come, come.

- Yeah.


- Marie-Rose, uh, I want to introduce you
- Yes?
To Mira Harberg.

- So nice to meet you.

- Marie-Rose Germon.

She's a grand dame of French stage.

We're ready to shoot.

- So are we, huh?
- S-See you in a bit.

- See you later.

- See you later.

We're shooting! Positions, please!
Is Edmond aware that
Philippe's mother is back?
Uhh, uh, I haven't told him yet.

It's a kind of surprise.

Can't wait to see his reaction.

I guess he will have to adapt.

Excuse me.
This is the poison.

- This is the poison.

- Oh.

A-Are you ready?

Mira, uh, can you make it
a bit more real?
But she knows the bullets are blanks.

She reloaded it herself.

Yeah, yeah, but, uh, she l
She still should do a better job
pretending, you know?
I thought, uh, I did a good job.

It was fake.
The, the way
you stepped over the railing,
there is no sense of danger.

We're going for another take, please!
And what kind of
journalist is Philippe?
Ready to kill two unarmed burglars?
You tried to poison me.

- Yeah, no jury would ever buy that.

- Maybe not today,
but we are in 1916.

Yes, but our audience
is a century later.

Don't worry.
They will get it.

It's Feuillade's crazy plot.

Uhh okay.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode