It's Bruno! (2019) s01e03 Episode Script
An Angie Is Born
1 Good girl, Angie.
PupMeal, made from the finest ingredients to keep your dog healthy and shiny.
[shutter clicks.]
There go Angie from PupMeal, Sun.
Oh, shit, let me get a pic too.
Hey, kids.
Y'all recognize her? All right, that's enough.
Give her some privacy.
Can I get a pic, too? [man.]
What? How would you like it if someone came to your house and wanted to take a picture of you taking a shit? Huh? Wait till she's done.
Good girl, Angie.
Good girl.
Here.
You can sell that online.
Don't worry, Bruno.
She ain't got nothing on you, buddy.
Fucking Harvey.
Bruno! Bruno! Bruno! Yep! Yes, Bruno! [door chimes.]
'Sup, Mario? Malcolm.
What can I do you for? We need a 24-pound bag of the Blue Buffalo turkey and gravy recipe.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Malcolm.
We're all out of that.
What do you mean? You're supposed to hold me down a bag.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
But somebody came in, paid top dollar for that last bag.
I mean, at the end of the day, I'm running a business here, but don't you worry, kid.
This little misfortune is gonna turn into a great opportunity.
Hey, have I told you about that time I had that threesome with those two Asian chicks in Astoria? - With the baby oil? - What are you talking about? Oh, it's a crazy story.
Remind me.
Follow me.
You know, yeah, I think we're all out of the 24-pound bag of Blue Buffalo turkey and gravy, but let's double-check outside.
Hey, TJ, why don't you assist me in looking outside, so then we can get back and help our lovely customers, all right? One sec.
[Mario.]
We'll be right back.
I got the crème de la crème from Rome.
Italy? Special international delivery.
I was only able to bring over a few bags.
Now, everything's a little more expensive in Italy, especially the broads.
I dated this one Italian broad.
She wanted the most expensive everything.
I said, "Baby, I own a pet food shop, not the freaking Barclays Center over here" You talking 'bout Martina? - I am.
- Hm.
What's in the food? TJ, take it away.
We're talking first-grade turkey meat mixed with carrot ragout and ground sweet potato.
No by-products, no food dyes, no corn or gluten.
Gluten-free? Gluten-free.
Malcolm, the dogs lose their fucking minds over this stuff.
How much for a bag? - Usually, it's 120 a bag.
- Good price.
But since I fucked up with the Blue Buffalo, - I'm gonna give it to you for 100 even.
- Better.
- Eighty.
- [Mario.]
No.
Are you nuts? You know how much trouble I had to bring this from Italy? - Eighty.
- Ninety-five.
Ninety.
Malcolm, I'm doing you a courtesy just telling you about this stuff.
Mario.
All the money that I spend here.
Come on.
Uh Okay, okay.
Ninety.
But don't you tell nobody else about this stuff.
- I can't even sell it in the states yet.
- I got you.
Bruno.
- You're gonna eat good.
- [TJ.]
Here.
Put it in this bag so the customers don't notice.
You know what I'm saying? - Bam.
- That's a great fucking idea.
Fucking love this guy, huh? I'm sorry it took so long to find what you needed, even after we searched for ten minutes straight.
- You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.
[Mario.]
Oh.
Bill, how you doing? A lovely, lovely selection.
This is beautiful.
I didn't even know we had this.
Fucking PupMeal.
[door chimes.]
[Carl.]
PupMeal! Got that PupMeal.
Five dollar Friday Carl's Cart prices are unbeatable.
This shit goes for $50, but I sell it to you For five dollars Excuse me.
Look who it is.
Do you know you're an accessory to an attempted kidnapping? What the fuck? Excuse me for a second.
What the hell are you talking about? What kind of accusations you making here? You not letting Bruno inside your store, combined with your lack of security outside your store, almost got my dog stolen.
[man.]
You're the one who said that he could stay, and what happens out here is none of my concern.
So you don't care about your paying customers? What if someone inside the store stole some food and came outside to eat it? Would that be a concern? That's different.
That started in the store and it ended up out here.
What the fuck is that? You've got that Angie dog in there right now.
That's not a dog, my friend.
That's a celebrity.
And when customers see a celebrity shopping in my store, it's good for business.
Your dog is a health violation.
Have a good day.
[mocking.]
Angie from PupMeal.
Angie.
You're the next super star, Bruno.
[camera clicks.]
And sit.
Down.
Now, that is impressive.
- This dog is a star.
- [chuckles.]
I'd love to shoot Bruno.
Can you get him to sit again? Yeah, of course.
No problem.
And thank you.
It's about time somebody saw his stardom.
Bruno, sit.
Good boy.
Now, can you get him to eat? Yeah, no problem.
[Malcolm.]
Here you go.
Good boy.
Actually, can you get him to eat off the floor? - Off the floor? - Yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
No problem.
- Like that? - Yep.
Perfect.
- Yeah? - One more.
[man.]
Great.
I got it.
So what kind of product will this ad be for? What kind of, like, distribution and exposure are we talking about? Hard to give any details at this point.
Plus, I'd hate to promise something and then not deliver, but there are a few popular dog food companies I think are gonna bite on this.
That's great.
Yeah, I'd say give it a couple of weeks at most, and we should see Bruno's face in some local stores at the very least.
That's what I'm talking about.
[phone vibrating.]
- Hello? - [Mario.]
Hey, Malcolm.
So I got Bruno's face on one of my productsover here - I'm on my way.
- But before you come, I should tell you.
Malcolm? Hello? Hello? Hello? I might slip I might fall I can say the wrong thing I hope you've been indulging in that temporary stardom Angie's been getting.
- This won't be temporary, my friend.
- Well, just so you know, Bruno booked an ad too.
You think you've got the only photogenic dog on the block? No real pup owners get PupMeal anyway, my friend.
It's filled with by-products.
Put me on the guest list.
I wanna come see your band, all right? Mario.
- Hey.
- Where's it at? It's in the back aisle, but I don't think you know what it is, Malcolm.
Hey, Malcolm.
 We've got that Blue Buffalo you was looking for.
We just got it in.
- No, no.
Not now.
- Let me show you [Mario.]
Look at that, huh? [Mario laughing.]
[distorted.]
He's a star! This was a treat he was eating, that motherfucker.
Yeah.
Nobody's taking this.
No one! [Malcolm.]
You wanna try putting my dog on some "Enough Eating Crap" pills? You wanna ruin our lives? Oh, this ain't over.
[door chimes.]
- Put out the other box.
- All right.
["Beauty" playing.]
Tears, a lullaby That I'll never sing Will you be my valentine Only in my dreams Where is there an answer To using the perfect face cream
PupMeal, made from the finest ingredients to keep your dog healthy and shiny.
[shutter clicks.]
There go Angie from PupMeal, Sun.
Oh, shit, let me get a pic too.
Hey, kids.
Y'all recognize her? All right, that's enough.
Give her some privacy.
Can I get a pic, too? [man.]
What? How would you like it if someone came to your house and wanted to take a picture of you taking a shit? Huh? Wait till she's done.
Good girl, Angie.
Good girl.
Here.
You can sell that online.
Don't worry, Bruno.
She ain't got nothing on you, buddy.
Fucking Harvey.
Bruno! Bruno! Bruno! Yep! Yes, Bruno! [door chimes.]
'Sup, Mario? Malcolm.
What can I do you for? We need a 24-pound bag of the Blue Buffalo turkey and gravy recipe.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Malcolm.
We're all out of that.
What do you mean? You're supposed to hold me down a bag.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
But somebody came in, paid top dollar for that last bag.
I mean, at the end of the day, I'm running a business here, but don't you worry, kid.
This little misfortune is gonna turn into a great opportunity.
Hey, have I told you about that time I had that threesome with those two Asian chicks in Astoria? - With the baby oil? - What are you talking about? Oh, it's a crazy story.
Remind me.
Follow me.
You know, yeah, I think we're all out of the 24-pound bag of Blue Buffalo turkey and gravy, but let's double-check outside.
Hey, TJ, why don't you assist me in looking outside, so then we can get back and help our lovely customers, all right? One sec.
[Mario.]
We'll be right back.
I got the crème de la crème from Rome.
Italy? Special international delivery.
I was only able to bring over a few bags.
Now, everything's a little more expensive in Italy, especially the broads.
I dated this one Italian broad.
She wanted the most expensive everything.
I said, "Baby, I own a pet food shop, not the freaking Barclays Center over here" You talking 'bout Martina? - I am.
- Hm.
What's in the food? TJ, take it away.
We're talking first-grade turkey meat mixed with carrot ragout and ground sweet potato.
No by-products, no food dyes, no corn or gluten.
Gluten-free? Gluten-free.
Malcolm, the dogs lose their fucking minds over this stuff.
How much for a bag? - Usually, it's 120 a bag.
- Good price.
But since I fucked up with the Blue Buffalo, - I'm gonna give it to you for 100 even.
- Better.
- Eighty.
- [Mario.]
No.
Are you nuts? You know how much trouble I had to bring this from Italy? - Eighty.
- Ninety-five.
Ninety.
Malcolm, I'm doing you a courtesy just telling you about this stuff.
Mario.
All the money that I spend here.
Come on.
Uh Okay, okay.
Ninety.
But don't you tell nobody else about this stuff.
- I can't even sell it in the states yet.
- I got you.
Bruno.
- You're gonna eat good.
- [TJ.]
Here.
Put it in this bag so the customers don't notice.
You know what I'm saying? - Bam.
- That's a great fucking idea.
Fucking love this guy, huh? I'm sorry it took so long to find what you needed, even after we searched for ten minutes straight.
- You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.
[Mario.]
Oh.
Bill, how you doing? A lovely, lovely selection.
This is beautiful.
I didn't even know we had this.
Fucking PupMeal.
[door chimes.]
[Carl.]
PupMeal! Got that PupMeal.
Five dollar Friday Carl's Cart prices are unbeatable.
This shit goes for $50, but I sell it to you For five dollars Excuse me.
Look who it is.
Do you know you're an accessory to an attempted kidnapping? What the fuck? Excuse me for a second.
What the hell are you talking about? What kind of accusations you making here? You not letting Bruno inside your store, combined with your lack of security outside your store, almost got my dog stolen.
[man.]
You're the one who said that he could stay, and what happens out here is none of my concern.
So you don't care about your paying customers? What if someone inside the store stole some food and came outside to eat it? Would that be a concern? That's different.
That started in the store and it ended up out here.
What the fuck is that? You've got that Angie dog in there right now.
That's not a dog, my friend.
That's a celebrity.
And when customers see a celebrity shopping in my store, it's good for business.
Your dog is a health violation.
Have a good day.
[mocking.]
Angie from PupMeal.
Angie.
You're the next super star, Bruno.
[camera clicks.]
And sit.
Down.
Now, that is impressive.
- This dog is a star.
- [chuckles.]
I'd love to shoot Bruno.
Can you get him to sit again? Yeah, of course.
No problem.
And thank you.
It's about time somebody saw his stardom.
Bruno, sit.
Good boy.
Now, can you get him to eat? Yeah, no problem.
[Malcolm.]
Here you go.
Good boy.
Actually, can you get him to eat off the floor? - Off the floor? - Yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
No problem.
- Like that? - Yep.
Perfect.
- Yeah? - One more.
[man.]
Great.
I got it.
So what kind of product will this ad be for? What kind of, like, distribution and exposure are we talking about? Hard to give any details at this point.
Plus, I'd hate to promise something and then not deliver, but there are a few popular dog food companies I think are gonna bite on this.
That's great.
Yeah, I'd say give it a couple of weeks at most, and we should see Bruno's face in some local stores at the very least.
That's what I'm talking about.
[phone vibrating.]
- Hello? - [Mario.]
Hey, Malcolm.
So I got Bruno's face on one of my productsover here - I'm on my way.
- But before you come, I should tell you.
Malcolm? Hello? Hello? Hello? I might slip I might fall I can say the wrong thing I hope you've been indulging in that temporary stardom Angie's been getting.
- This won't be temporary, my friend.
- Well, just so you know, Bruno booked an ad too.
You think you've got the only photogenic dog on the block? No real pup owners get PupMeal anyway, my friend.
It's filled with by-products.
Put me on the guest list.
I wanna come see your band, all right? Mario.
- Hey.
- Where's it at? It's in the back aisle, but I don't think you know what it is, Malcolm.
Hey, Malcolm.
 We've got that Blue Buffalo you was looking for.
We just got it in.
- No, no.
Not now.
- Let me show you [Mario.]
Look at that, huh? [Mario laughing.]
[distorted.]
He's a star! This was a treat he was eating, that motherfucker.
Yeah.
Nobody's taking this.
No one! [Malcolm.]
You wanna try putting my dog on some "Enough Eating Crap" pills? You wanna ruin our lives? Oh, this ain't over.
[door chimes.]
- Put out the other box.
- All right.
["Beauty" playing.]
Tears, a lullaby That I'll never sing Will you be my valentine Only in my dreams Where is there an answer To using the perfect face cream