It's Bruno! (2019) s01e04 Episode Script

Lovely Lulu

1 [barking] Jesus, Bruno.
You owe this dog money or something? Yo, why don't you use some of that dog magic and settle him down? There's no point.
These Xolo dogs they never listen.
You're right about that.
These city Xolos are something else.
NAW BITCH, I WANT YOU DEAD.
IF I WASN'T ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' LEASH, I'D COME OVER THERE AND WRECK YOUR SHIT.
YOU HEAR ME? I'M GUNNA KILL YOU THEN I'M GUNNA EAT YOU.
THEN I'M GUNNA SHIT YOU OUT ON YOUR BITCH-ASS OWNERS SHOES.
YA FEEL ME? Hey, excuse me.
My man you want to control your dog? Aw, he doesn't mean it.
I'm selling him, if you're interested.
He doesn't usually bark this much.
He's a great dog.
I travel a lot.
I don't give him the time he deserves.
I'll give him to you cheap.
This dog is two seconds away from pulling out a switchblade.
I'M GUNNA KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY.
I'M GUNNA KILL ANYONE THA EVER EVEN LOOKED AT YOU.
THIS BITCH THAT'S WALKING ME? I'M GUNNA KILL HIM FOR JUST HAVING SEEN YOU.
Get that psychopath away from Bruno.
A hundred dollars and he's yours.
These Xolos start at a thousand.
You couldn't pay me a hundred dollars to take that crazy Xolo.
THIS AIN'T OVER BITCH.
I'M GUNNA FIND YOU.
Anyway, like I was telling you the other day, I'm going through a lot of stress, a lot of things.
Papi's not listening to me.
Shitting in the house.
Pissing in the house.
I'm going insane, yo.
Well, sometimes the dog can pick up on the stress of the owner and end up stressed themselves.
Maybe that's what it is.
I don't think so, yo.
You know, the other day, Harvey was advis No, no, no.
Don't listen to Harvey, all right? Harvey doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.
I'm - Hey, hey, don't touch my - La la la la La la la la - La la la la - dog.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
He's just so cute.
Does he do any tricks? Uh yeah.
Bruno, sit.
Oh.
So he sits.
- Mm-hmm.
- Anything else? You like this, don't you? I do.
Heh.
Well, I got one for you.
Bruno roll over.
- You should take my number.
- Yeah, sure.
[keypad beeps; ringtone chimes] It's Bruno My little funny Bruno Bruno Yep, it's Bruno [slurps] You got to try these morir soñandos.
They're the best in the city.
[man] Morir soñando a beverage that originated from the Dominican Republic in which evaporated milk, orange juice, and cane sugar are mixed together and put over ice to create one of the most delicious-tasting beverages that usually has an effect like so [bell dings] So, what is it that you do exactly? Oh, I, uh, model.
Print.
Commercials.
Things like that.
Me, I do a little dog training.
People come to me with their problems.
Dog's not sitting.
It's not going down.
It's not eating right or whatever.
I try to help them out.
Kinda like the Brooklyn Cesar Millan.
So, how did you come across Bruno? Well, I always wanted a dog, but my family would never allow it.
You know, cats, birds, fine.
But a dog, never.
I could've came home with a cheetah, they would allow that over a dog.
But this guy, I got him in a shelter.
I don't know what happened to him before that, but if you look in his eyes, you can tell he's been through something.
Yeah.
He certainly has.
A dog of many mysteries.
What is your daily routine with Bruno? Well, starts off, I cook him some breakfast.
It's this special kind of turkey meat that he likes.
Goes crazy for it.
I brush his teeth.
I make sure his pearly whites are shining.
Make sure his breath is nice and fresh.
Take him out on our daily jog.
Come home.
I cook him dinner.
We do that all over again.
I would love to be a part of that routine.
["Some Sunsick Day" playing] After the blast levels our town We can relax and watch it come down Maybe we'll find somewhere to stay Some little cave Where we can make it We'll fi Hey, look at this! You see this? Pet that girl.
I wanna jog, hold hands, and kiss her, too.
Hey, what the fuck is the matter with you, man? Don't you see us? - Always ruining the moment.
- I got this.
Take it.
Take it.
 Take it.
 Take it.
Everybody on the block knows it's my turf.
Ooh, oh, snap.
Here she comes my little Dominican darlin'.
What makes you think I'm gonna be tossed around like some soccer ball? Let me tell you something.
I'm a crazy-ass bitch, and I won't be talked to like that by a piece of shit on a stoop that says everybody on the block knows what they talking about.
Man, ain't nobody know what you talking about.
Ain't nobody on this block know what you talking about.
Ain't nobody on that block know what you talking about.
Ain't nobody know what you talking about, and that is something that everybody on the block knows.
Why you trying to hurt my feelings? You trying to give me emotional trauma and shit? He hit me on my back, got me scoliosis.
You ain't shit.
Everybody on the block knows I'm strong.
["No Secret Now" playing] [woman] It's no secret now That you're chasing around I know deep inside That I lost what I found It's easy to see That you never cared for me [backing singers] You cared for me [woman] It's no secret now That we've drifted apart I'm wandering around With an ache in my heart My faith and my trust You just trampled in the dust [backing singers] In the dust [woman] I always believed Every word you said My love was as deep [music stops; woman groans] Oh, Malcolm.
Ah, Malcolm.
Oh.
Oh, Bruno.
- What'd you just say? - I said bruto.
You said bruto? What's that? Yeah.
It means "stupid.
" Why you calling me stupid? You know I like to talk dirty.
[speaks Spanish] - You didn't say "Bruno"? - No.
Come on, bruto.
Come on.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Oh, I think Oh, I think Oh, I think I'm Oh, Bruno! Ahh.
[whines] [woman] How could you be so heartless to me? My-y-y-y-y friends tried to tell me You cheated and lied How could I believe [song continues in background] Uh you're giving him my special turkey meat? Yeah.
Is there a problem? I mean, I do that.
It's my turkey meat.
Well, you used to do that.
Now I do that.
What's with the sweater? Oh, you don't like it? I hand-knit it myself.
He looks cute.
Heh.
I mean, it's a nice sweater, and I appreciate the gesture, but Bruno doesn't really do sweaters.
Oh, he didn't do sweaters.
Now he does do sweaters, and he's gonna wear my sweater.
We're out of his turkey meat.
Could you go to the store and grab some? Thank you, baby.
Man, I just bought some.
Come on, Bruno.
Some people Hey, Miss Johnson! Hey, Miss John Some people Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm! You did not tell me that Bruno was motherfucking famous.
What are you talking about? I done already sold three of these motherfuckers already.
Bruno doing big thing.
He eating his own shit, but big things nonetheless.
You need to stop selling these.
He doesn't eat his own shit.
- This is false advertisement.
- No.
No, nigga.
That is five dollars a pop.
[echoes] Five dollars.
Got some money? You can get 'em.
- [echoes] Thank you.
Give me my money.
- I'll be right back.
Come on, Bruno.
[footsteps ascend stairs] Hey.
I forgot my Where you going with Bruno? I was just gonna take him to the park.
I was gonna text you to meet us there.
You need your bag to go the park? Well I was gonna leave from there.
With his toothbrush? Let me just take him for the night, you know.
I am his mother.
He should be able to stay with me, too.
Mm-hmm.
Come here, Bruno.
You can't do this! Bruno! ["What Happens When You Turn The Devil Down" playing] [man] I had a drink with the devil He’s looking for a new slave He told me that my life Could be the one he saves What happens when you turn the devil down? [theme music playing]