It's Bruno! (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

War of the Walkers

1 [shuffling and tapping footsteps] [salsa music playing] [man] That neck jerk, Papa.
It's all about that neck jerk.
Look confident, Papa.
Smile.
He's doing great, Barry, but if he's gonna be ready for the competition, we're gonna have to double the lessons.
That's okay.
I'll just put in more hours at work.
And what is it that you do for work again? Pet grooming.
["Grab as Much (As You Can)" playing] [man] All of the life I've had it once before Please, please, woman I'll be home at two I drip, drip bourbon on top of your chest I tiptoe, honey I'm on top of the world, uh-huh When we make love You know I'm leaving When we make love I know you're hurting Now I'm craving Everything I see I've waited years for you Never really hurts me Count lucky stars I tiptoe in the world I'm searching I'll breathe fire into your mind Dope fiends That's what we are Dope fiends Count lucky stars Oh, she did it Oh, she did it It's Bruno My little funny Bruno Bruno Yep, it's Bruno Holla.
Who need a "woof"? Got this "woof" for sale.
A real live motherfucking "woof.
" This nigga's straight outta [sing-song] Games of Thrones.
That's not a wolf.
 That's an Alaskan Husky.
How did you get this? I found this "woof" roaming around Hernandez Park lost as a motherfucker.
I gave him leftover Popeyes' biscuits, and we've been rocking ever since.
- [howls] - Are you trying to sell him? It's not every day you find a wolf roaming a park in Brooklyn.
This motherfucker's 'bout to make me a fortune.
He was lost, but now he's found.
No, no.
This dog belongs to somebody.
- Wolf.
Me.
- You're not taking him nowhere.
Come on.
Yo.
Come on, "woof.
" Hoo-oo.
Come back to me.
You owe me some money, man.
Fuck you, Malcolm.
[piano playing] [woman] Second position.
And up.
[knock on door] [dog barks] Uh, yes? Oh, Harold.
Harold.
Oh, my God.
Harold.
I thought I'd lost you, my little love.
Thank you so much.
Where did you find him? With a crackhead named Carl.
Yeah.
He said he found him at Hernandez Park, but he was planning to sell him next to some used batteries and broken iPads.
Oh, God.
I thought someone stole him.
I turned my head, and he was gone.
I couldn't sleep.
- Thank you so much.
Thank you.
- No problem.
No problem.
Oh, come on.
Please come in.
Heh.
- What's your name? - I'm Malcolm.
Oh.
Hi, Malcolm.
I'm - I'm Jizzel.
- Nice to meet you Jizzel.
- Is this one yours? - Yeah.
It's my little guy Bruno.
This is impressive.
You some kind of dance instructor or something? A choreographer, yes, for a long time now.
Heh.
Here you go.
It's the least I can do.
No, that's all right.
It was the right thing to do.
No, no, no.
Please.
I insist.
Well, if you insist.
Who's gonna get the good dog food again, Bruno? Who's gonna get the good dog food again? I could give you another hundred if you walk Harold twice a week when I'm doing my classes.
I'm not a dog-walker, lady.
My regular walker moved out of state, and it's hard to find someone to trust.
Well, I'm sure you'll find somebody.
How about 130? - When are your classes again? - Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- One fifty.
- Deal.
- All right.
- Heh heh.
Hey, you think you could walk my dog, too? Uh I only livea couple of blocks away.
Same price? Yeah.
Okay, then.
- Sure.
- Heh heh.
- All right.
- Thanks so much again.
[Malcolm, indistinct] Uh comes with the job.
Walk the dogs and occasionally pick up their poop.
I usually make 'em go before I walk 'em, but this one seems to poop a lot.
[Jamaican accent] You don't have to explain it.
- I know exactly what it's like.
- Oh, yeah? You have a dog? Yeah, but it's a small Chiweenie, so she makes little poops.
That's a cute breed.
What's his/her name? Her name is Bella.
How long you had her? Five years.
Where'd you get her? The shelter on Irvine and St.
Nick.
Well, if Bella's in ever need of any services, you let me know.
There's nobody better.
- Sit.
- Heh.
Well.
You seem like a pro, so I just might.
I look forward to that.
And heel.
[dog barks] [Malcolm] What the fuck? Heel.
Come on, guys.
Oh.
Hey, Malcolm.
Spoons ready to go? Actually, Malcolm, Spoons already walked.
Okay.
When's a better time, then? Ah.
Don't want to come off rude or anything, but we found a new walker we're happy with.
It's nothing to do with you.
It's just better price and, you know, times are a bit tough.
You understand.
Well, I wish you would've told me before I bought her favorite treats.
Oh.
No.
No, Spoons.
No.
That's very nice of you.
I can pay you for them if you'd like.
- Who's this new walker? - I I'd rather not.
- Who is he? - I don't want any problems.
Who is it? Is it Harvey? Huh? Is it Harvey? No, 15%.
Because she's the face of the entire brand, that's why.
Yeah, Angie.
She works hard.
And we deserve Let me call you back.
Sit.
Sit.
What the hell you think you're doing taking my clients? Since when are they your clients? To me, they're just people that need dog-walking services.
They're my clients because they paid me first.
You want to get into dog walking 'cause you seen me doing it, then stay on your side of Knickerbocker, okay? Everything to the right and up is yours.
Everything to the left and down is mine.
Okay? I know no boundaries.
Plus who do you think people would rather have their dog walking next to the face of Pup Meal or the puggle that eats his own shit? Huh? What? You didn't think I'd see this? Disgusting.
- Come on, pooches.
- This picture was tampered with.
It was photoshopped.
He never ate his own shit.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Hey, kids.
Kids, hey.
Look.
It's a celebrity.
You know Angie from Pup Meal? Angie from Pup Meal? She's over there.
She loves kids.
Go take a picture with him.
Hey, kids.
Come here.
Look at this.
A celebrity.
There's a celebrity here.
Angie.
Angie from Pup Meal.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's here.
Go get her.
Go get her.
She's gonna love kids.
Go.
Hey.
How y'all doing? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, this is her.
This is the Pup Meal star.
Take your pictures, yeah.
Normally, I'd charge five dollars, but since you all are cute and having a good day, I'll let you take it for free.
Yeah.
And make sure you hashtag AngieThePupMealDog.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hold on, kids.
Give her some privacy.
- [kids yelling] - Ho, ho.
Please, please, not the camera.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No pictures.
 No pictures.
Wait.
Let the dog have a moment.
No.
Wait.
[kids screaming] Hey! Hey! Marley! Marley Hey, watch my dog! Please! Don't step on the dog! Don't step on the dog! Hey! Stay! Stay! Stay! [shouting continues] [yelling] [Harvey continues yelling] ["Misery is the Pilgrim's Pasture" playing] [theme music playing]