Jann (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

WWJD (What Will Jann Do)

1 It's important that we have a clear vision for your performance at Burning Woman.
The set should focus on your guitar playing and your voice.
What about in between songs? Shouldn't we have some classic Jann Arden banter? No.
You're not really that funny.
Is this thing on? Your lighting guy is already designing the set.
We were thinking that right after your first song, just as the applause hits, we light up the screen behind you - and it just says "Jann".
- (MUSICAL THEME) - Groundbreaking, Cale.
The statement will be made with the wardrobe.
No Beyoncé one-piece thingy.
You know, it's good on her, but on me? Moose Knuckl.
Not a good look.
Please stop comparing yourself to Beyoncé.
I don't think you fully grasp just how sad that reads.
( CRAZY IN LOVE, BEYONCÉ ) The wardrobe guy is going to sends amples over later today.
But we still have other tour details to attend to.
- Like what? - Like your rider requests.
Back in the day, my rider consisted of all the kinds of booze and a Costco pack of pregnancy tests.
- How about now? - Now, I like those little pieces of fruit with the yogurt dip.
I wouldn't say no to a couple of full-sized chocolate bars.
Nothing too big.
OK, this is the only time I'll ever give you this advice: please think more like Beyoncé.
- What do you mean? - Think bigger, boo! - Ask for what you want.
- I would like some coconut water like Terri Clark.
Chewable and quick dissolve Metamucil, a Costco size box of assorted chocolate bars and some sandwich bags.
Lots of sandwich bags.
- Why sandwich bags? - You can't poo on a tour bus, it's the code.
Sometimes you gotta do - what you gotta do.
- Stop.
It's real life, boo! In other news, I've managed to track down all of your old band members.
With the exception of Reggie.
I've looked everywhere, Twitter, Insta, Snap, the guy's a ghost.
Quickest way to find a guitar player, you throw a house party.
15 minutes later, they show up playing Wonderwall.
- Funny.
- Classic Jann Arden banter.
- ( CRAZY IN LOVE, BEYONCÉ ) - Who's trying to call me? What? - Oh, my God! Are you OK? - I'm fine, I'm fine.
It was just a little unexplained bleeding.
It's fine.
From where? Ew! Shockingly I'm still glad you're here.
But since Dave is here, you don't have to stay, it's OK.
- You trying to get rid of me? - No! No, it's just that in times of stress you can be not at all calm.
Oh, I strongly disagree.
I can be very calm and collected in stressful situations.
(SCREAMING): This is a very stressful situation! Were you guys just picturing me running through a field? - (BOTH): Yeah.
I was.
- OK, that's fair.
Listen, I'm really going to need you to help me out.
I'm scared, so Max must be freaking out.
And I need her to stay as calm as possible.
You got it.
I'm gonna be so calm.
What the hell is this gong show? Right.
Max had a hard time reaching us.
Cynthia was her next call.
Strange, though, right? No.
Your wife and my ex-girlfriend are secret best friends and I wanna punch myself in my own face.
- Oh, OK.
- Titch dramatic.
- Want to grab a Diet Coke? - Damn it, yes.
Great idea.
Why don't you have two? What's the rush? - Have two! Knock yourselves out.
- Thanks.
I'm happy to see you.
- I was hoping you'd be here.
- Oh? You could have given me a heads-up.
- Oh stop, you look great.
- I don't know why you're being so nice to me.
The last time I saw you, you were telling me that I was a "selfish, petulent, child" and that that was "Classic Jann".
At the time you were telling chronically sweaty people that they didn't deserve medical grade deodorant.
- It wasn't a good look.
- Neither is chronic sweatiness, - but that is not my fault.
- Amber and I are officially done.
She broke up with me a few weeks ago.
- She's an idiot.
- (SIGHS) She doesn't think I'm over you.
That Amber's a smart one.
Maybe she has a point.
Maybe I did end things with you too quickly.
It takes a big person to admit their mistakes.
We have a tendency to fall back in the same patterns.
But maybe now that we've had this time apart - things would be different.
- Maybe.
What don't we take things slow? You want to come for dinner on Sunday? Sunday? Sunday Yeah, Sunday would be nice.
- Great! I'll make whatever you want.
- I would like bread.
Oooh-oooh ooooh-oooh You have placental disruption.
The baby's transfer - of oxygen is at risk.
- What does that mean? My recommendation is that you go on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy.
But that's like six weeks! For starters, that know-it-all dingdong Kennedy is after my job, so bed rest is not gonna happen.
It's not optional.
No work, no housework, no stress.
You need to be more or less horizontal for the next six weeks.
This is a nightmare.
I'm in an actual nightmare.
Do you think I should get bangs? They'd look cute.
You cute.
I'm sorry to interrupt what is obviously a very important discussion, but do you think that we could just bring the focus back to me - for a few more minutes? - I'm sorry.
Do you think I should get bangs? Wow, it sure gets cold up here.
- Doesn't seem to bother Rhonda.
- Yeah, well, they lifted the fire ban, so it's like Christmas morning - for her.
- Hey, I brought some stuff from my place to help with your memoir.
They want it to be "photo heavy", so let's go through it - and make some selections.
- I'll tell you one thing.
We're going to omit any photos from my "flock of seagulls" hair days.
Oh, my God! You know what, Todd? - Can you just do this? - The photos? Yeah and maybe just start the writing.
You want me to write your memoir? Not all of it.
Just the parts you were there for.
- So, all of it.
- I need a kickstart.
All right.
But I get to choose which hair phases we focus on.
You know what I'm thinking? The "Kate Plus 8" will be given its moment.
A lot of people were doing it.
It was a very cool look.
Options for tour wardrobe have arrived.
Where did you come from? - OK, that's a lot of textures.
- I asked for statement pieces.
Those aren't just statements, these are manifestos.
This is it, Jann! Your rebirth.
We have to get this right.
Go try that one on.
I'm off to the movies, but I'll be back in a couple hours.
- Yeah, have a great time.
- Bye, Gram.
- Bye, sweetheart.
- Is this the back or the front? - Come on, Jann.
- Oh, I love this one.
OK, you just sit back and relax.
You only get up for essentials and I'm gonna take care - of everything.
- That's a little tight.
- Sorry.
- Honey, I'm fine.
- You have enough to do.
- For the next six weeks your only job is to stay off your feet.
I can't just lie here.
Yeah, you can.
Pretend you're on a beach vacation.
The kind where there's no sun and you can't drink.
- Oh, my God! Amazing.
- You got this.
- We can get it altered.
- Altered into what? I look like a poo emoji with a tongue.
Don't be so afraid of change.
It's annoying.
I'm not afraid of change! I'm gonna chance out of this in about five seconds.
It is bold, though, and as a bonus, you can't tell that my right boob's bigger than the left boob.
- Oh my God, I found Reggie! - Yes!! He's playing with another band.
He played in town last night.
It looks like he's wheels-up any minute now.
Let's go get him! Cale! Come and help me! Ow, ow, ow! What are you doing? The more I struggle the tighter it gets! - Just pull the Aaaah! - You know what? We don't have time for this.
You're gonna have to wear it.
Charley's not here.
I'm gonna have to leave my mom by herself.
- OK.
- Mom? Uh, Charley's gonna be back in a little while.
Are you gonna be okay here by yourself? - Of course, I'll be fine! - I'm just gonna lock you in.
- Keep your pants on.
- OK.
Let's go.
So Reg is touring with those guys? My God! (GRUNTS) (SIGHS) OK.
What are you waiting for? Reggie and I used to kind of have a thing.
- I thought you dated women.
- I date who I like.
Pray for me.
I look like a fricking idiot! Hello? - Anybody in here? - Jann? What are you doing here? - I came looking for you.
- What are you wearing? Oh! It's a little bit embarrassing.
I, um had to run out of the house in a hurry, and these were right by the front door.
OK I'm going on tour again and I need you to come with me.
Absolutely not.
(CHATTERING) For she's a jolly good Karen For she's a jolly good Karen That nobody can deny Happy birthday, Karen.
(APPLAUSE) So why won't you want to come on tour with me? Is it because you had feelings for me? I didn't feel anything back then.
Between the drinking, the drugs, the meaningless sex There's whole months I can't remember.
It was crazy times.
I quit drinking after that too.
We're both better off for it.
We have a lot more self-control now.
Yeah.
(PHONE CHIMES) What was that? Oh! Just my phone.
I'm playing Candy Crunch.
(WATER RUNNING) Hi! It's me.
What do you need? Your uterus is supposed to be horizontal.
I'll see you guys in a year.
(SNIFFING) (ALARM BLARING) Oh, God! Your knee is on my liver.
- Can you move to the left? - I am.
- No, my left.
- Oh, God! - Is it in yet? - God! I think that's a snake.
(MOANING) Heavenly father! - Oh! - (CLEARS THROAT) - You're fired.
- Yay! You're hired.
Jann? Jann, Rhonda called.
She's with your mom.
- And the police.
- What? I saw black smoke out back.
Yeah, well, hair didn't burn the way I thought it would.
But anyway, I have a blind date.
I gotta go.
See you.
You okay, Mum? Yes.
The police were very nice.
Why were they here? Well, the alarm went off.
You don't remember that? - Nah-ah.
- Hey! What's going on? Well, Gram was left alone for a little while and she triggered the alarm, - and the cops showed up.
- Oh, my God! That must have been so scary! It wasn't your fault, Charley.
- Yeah, I know.
- Hey! Jesus, Murphy, is anybody else coming over here today? - Just me.
- What do you want, Todd? I finished the introduction to your book! You just have to make it your own.
Oh, for crying out loud! Just put it on the table, I'll get to it later.
(APPLAUSE) Bravo! You have an incredible voice.
And such a righteous look! Do you have a demo? - We must get your name out there.
- Are you a manager? Not yet.
But I will be, - if you'll let me.
- Deal.
I quit! You'll never see me again.
- Especially you, Karen! - Never met a nice Karen! Good luck on the tour, Jann.
I hope Cale is good to you.
What do you mean by that? If you think she's what you need right now, then go with that.
I quit.
- What? - I'm making it easy for you.
Taking myself out of the equation.
I'll always be your biggest fan.
(DOOR CLOSES) Well, that sucks.
(MUFFLED SPEAKING ON TELEVISION) - Get off me! - Get off me! OK! Girls! Breakfast! - (GIRLS ARGUING) - What the? - (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) - Where's my slime? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Get your sister.
(GIRLS SCREAMING) Damn it! OK.
- What's wrong, Daddy? - We're gonna eat breakfast in a special way today! You're gonna love it! - Have some toast.
- Cool! - Don't tell your teachers.
- Let me just start on these.
- You're supposed to be in bed.
- What is that - in the garbage dis? - Don't change the subject! Come on.
I know.
I know.
It's hard.
But baby, you just you gotta stop.
Are you upset about having to leave your new job? When I stop, all I do is think about what could go wrong.
You're scared that your vagina is going to fall off.
But baby, if it did not fall off in Mexico in 2007, it can withstand anything.
Whatever happens, we got this cause we're solid.
So solid that other couples low-key hate us.
- They do, don't they? - Right? Yeah.
OK.
Good.
(DOORBELL CHIMES) OK.
Gram! Wanna make slime? - I can't wait.
- Hey, Nora.
Hey, Dave.
Mom! - Hi, baby! Hey! Here you are! And why are you here? We had an incident yesterday and Charley's not gonna be enough help for me to keep Mom at my place.
And I have a date tonight.
Thank you.
And tomorrow morning I'm leaving to go on tour.
- You are truly - Unbelievable! - Maybe you haven't noticed - We're actually under a lot of pressure here! We're not all just here - On this planet - Just to serve you! You're just dropping her off? You haven't even called first! I am going on tour! What am I supposed to do? You're right.
I don't know Wait, I know! Don't go on tour.
Jann, things have changed around here.
I'm out of commission until this baby comes.
I'll give you guys some money, You can hire somebody - to help you.
- It's not always - about your goddamn money! - OK! You go lie down.
- My God! Very bitchy! - Jann - I love you.
- I love you! Watch your step.
But you gotta start thinking - about what you're doing.
- What am I doing, Dave? If you don't know that by now, I can't help you.
OK, thanks, you guys! Hey! You on your way? You're not coming, are you? I'm sorry.
I don't know what I want.
I can hear you in my head And I'd know Your old familiar voice Is calling out to me I can see you trying to figure out how All the details Falling down around your feet I am here I am here Can't remember When the walls around us Didn't feel like they were always crumbling (SIGHS) You coming? There's one other thing I wanted to ask you about.
If someone could go by and water my plants I'll let you guys go, then.
I'm just gonna hop in the car.
Dave? I can see your arm.
God! You know, things are really coming around for me! I know you'll be cheering me on.
That's so great.
We're fine, right? I am cool and wise and I'm larger than your life