Joe vs. Carole (2022) s01e02 Episode Script
Sanctuary
1
Hey, all you cool cats and kittens.
You've reached Carole Baskin at Big Cat Rescue.
Leave me a message, won't you? [BEEP.]
Well, how 'bout that? It's Carole Baskin's voice mail.
How you doin' tonight, Carole Baskin's voice mail? Me, I'm not doin' too good, not that you give a shit.
Anybody tell you how stupid your goddamn voice sounds? - [MICROWAVE BEEPS.]
- Makes me wanna fuckin' puke.
You think you can just cut the head off my business and I'm gonna be okay with it? Well, I'm not okay with it.
I'm a fiery fuckin' phoenix, Carole Baskin, and when I burn up, I'm just gonna rise from my own goddamn ashes, you fuckin' bitch.
And I'm gonna fucking - [PHONE CLATTERS.]
- Shit! I am stronger than anyone or anything you ever met in your goddamn life, and if you know what's good for you, you'll be shakin' in your Uggs, you no-good, two-bit, motherfucking backwards-twatted cunt.
♪ This is Joe Exotic, by the way.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
♪ [TIGER GROWLS.]
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
Uh, two masses removed without issue, but the liver's too far gone.
As the cancer progresses, her pain levels will increase.
Might be time to think about what's best for Chairman Meow, instead of what hurts us less.
I get it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Guess we didn't get there in time, huh? Um, can I just, um can I have a moment alone with her to say goodbye? [MONITOR BEEPING.]
Hi, sweet pie.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
♪ [TIGER MOANING.]
♪ [SNIFFLES.]
♪ Good girl.
I'm sorry, sweet pie.
♪ [TIGER CUB MEWLING.]
Here comes another one.
Come on, you sexy bitch.
Oh! All right, I got it.
- Yeah.
- There you go, buddy.
Got that shit all over it.
That's the same shit you were covered in when you came out, bud.
- Female.
- Phew! Doc, check 'em out! Excuse me, ladies.
Well, that's a good-sized litter, Joe.
Thank you.
Cats I usually breed haven't turned out this many in a while.
Well, the air around Oklahoma's sweeter than Myrtle Beach, and it makes my tigers real horny.
Yeah.
Oh, now, look, she is a beauty.
We don't have anything with markings like that at Safari Park.
- That one's precious.
- Mm.
- This one? - Yeah, that one.
Well, she's yours, then.
Huh? Anything for my girls.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, so we'll we'll take those two.
Now, uh, what'd we say, $2,500 a head? Now, wait a minute.
You got a big operation.
You're gonna need all kinds of new blood comin' in.
How about that guy? He's a killer for sure.
Yeah, no, I'm good, Joe.
Can we talk, Doc? I'm in a tough spot right now, Doc.
With no road shows right now, I got next to no income.
I can barely afford to feed the cats I got, let alone a few new ones.
Yeah, well, that Carole Baskin's got a target on all of us, Joe.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER.]
And I'm sorry about your situation, but I can't afford any more.
We're friends from way back.
Help me out, please! [CHUCKLES.]
Well, I'll tell you, you know what Vern Owens used to do when he was in this spot? He'd make room.
Yeah, well, I don't.
I love my cats.
I-I could never hurt 'em.
Yeah, of course not.
I wasn't suggesting it.
It's horrible.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Ladies! Mmm, ain't nothin' like a mom-cooked meal.
Tried to cook it medium rare, but I overdid it.
Mm.
Steak's great, Mom, thanks.
Hey, you know I hate to ask.
We've been having some money problems.
I gave you $5,000 last month.
What happened to that? Spent it on meat.
And I guess I can put 'em on a diet, but you ever heard a hungry cat roar? It's like to break your heart.
They'll be all like [MIMICS MOANING TIGER.]
Well, I don't wanna see the poor things suffer, - but, Joe - If I can't feed 'em, Mom, I might have to put the whole zoo up for sale.
How much do you need? Oh, maybe 15 grand, 20 if you got it.
Thanks, Mom.
And these vegetables, how do you get them so tender? - It's incredible.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
I'm home, Grandma.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- The hell are you doing here? Well, look who it is, resting witch face.
Grandma, you're not writing him another check.
Mind your own damn business.
This is my business.
I'm the one who takes care of Grandma.
You just come by to mooch off her.
That's a humanitarian right there.
You wanna stop her from supporting animals in need? Ten grand? You really burn me up, you know that? Not my fault you don't know how to budget.
I wouldn't even need the money if it weren't for that bitch down in Florida.
Who? I told you, Carole Baskin.
She's messing with my livelihood.
Yeah? Go take it up with her, then.
She won't call me back.
What am I supposed to do, drive to Florida and show up on her doorstep? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
♪ Hey, Crystal said she had some forms she wanted you to sign.
Forget that.
Need you to gas up the truck.
I'm goin' on a road trip.
[KEYS JANGLING.]
You got it.
Hey, maybe you wanna come with? We can make it a boys' weekend.
Where we headed? Tampa, Florida.
What's in Florida? The queen bitch herself Carole fuckin' Baskin.
♪ That brings us to our 20-minute window for public comment.
Yes, thank you.
Carole Baskin, CEO and founder, Big Cat Rescue.
Please keep it limited to three minutes, Mrs.
Baskin.
Of course.
[PEOPLE MURMURING.]
I agree, it's upsetting.
This beautiful creature passed away this morning, after years of being held captive by a motley crew of private traders and wildlife "enthusiasts.
" But if I sat at home grieving, I wouldn't be upholding my responsibility to the animals I've sworn to protect.
So I am here not for the first time to ask this committee to revoke the Class 1 wildlife permit held by Grigore Zaharia.
[CHUCKLES.]
Speak of the devil.
Every month, I come down here to defend myself because nebuna asta is after me again.
Nebuna asta, you say that every time.
What is that? I have never seen that tiger before in my life.
It's yes, okay, this individual tiger was not in his possession, but it's representative of what happens to the tigers under his care.
I've received several anonymous complaints from former employees, all citing the same concerns: untreated wounds, starvation diets All my animals, down to the last pink flamingo, are happy and healthy.
Then open your gates and let us inside.
If you have nothing to hide, why ban public access? I swam across the Danube to escape the Iron Curtain.
I won't be interrogated by Comrade Baskin, not when the Constitution guarantees me a right to property.
The curtain fell a long time ago, my friend, and these are living things, not property.
The committee needs to demand access to his animals and see for yourself Do you have any evidence to support your claim, Mrs.
Baskin? I don't know if you can tell, Mr.
Zaharia is a very intimidating man.
And I think the fact that my tipsters were not willing to go public is indicative We can't revoke a legally granted permit based on hearsay.
Request denied.
Woof.
Sorry that didn't go your way.
Well, I didn't get Joe at first either.
Slow and steady wins the race, my love.
That's right.
That's right.
Well, I have to get on the road to Miami.
- Oh.
- I'll be back Thursday.
What company are you fixing this time? Oh, windows and doors manufacturer.
Yeah, their financials were a mess.
It's gonna take me months to unravel and put a new plan in place.
I am so excited.
[LAUGHTER.]
Well, you're a genius and you can - wear the hell out of a suit.
- That's right.
They needed the big guns.
Pop, pop, pop, pop.
Ow, my heart.
Come here, you.
- I'll miss you.
- Miss you.
Hm.
♪ You planning something, or do I not wanna know? ♪ I'll be careful.
All I ask.
I don't choose who I go after, Howie.
- They choose me.
- I know.
♪ You got a few names for me ♪ Some might be true and some just seem mean ♪ You touch my music one more time, we're gonna have words.
Someone's in a mood.
I mean, I don't recall inviting you along.
You said you wanted a guys' weekend.
Yeah, and I ain't been on one of those in a long-ass time, and Tampa's the strip club capital of the world.
I'm ready to tackle some clam, baby.
Well, I got bigger tits on my plate.
Shit, like what? He's gonna walk into Carole Baskin's office, he's gonna sit her down, and he's gonna charm the granny panties off her.
Oh, that is one claptrap I would not wanna get caught in.
Ten minutes in the same room, me and her'll be hugging it out.
And I'll get my road show back.
I'll be in the black again or the red, whichever the good one is.
Mm, I'm not so sure she'll talk to you, especially after all them voice mails.
Yeah.
How bad were they? Oh, dude, even I learned a few new cuss words, and that's saying something.
Well, I got feelings! She can't hold that against me.
I mean, we ain't so different, me and Carole Baskin.
Ain't nobody loves tigers more than me, she'll see.
All right, Florida, here we come! You boys ever been there? ♪ [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
I mean, I love Dr.
Mead, but if you're gonna ask me to hold a stress position, at least buy me a drink first.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, Joe, you coming to the gym this afternoon? No.
Hurts too much.
Well, your X-rays show progress, Joe.
Your biggest problem is mental.
Maybe tomorrow.
Look, Joe, if you're not gonna do the rehab, why'd you come all the way to Florida? ♪ [MONKEY CHATTERING.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
- He's so cute.
- This monkey is so funny.
- I know, he's trouble.
- I love him! - He's so cute.
Ah, finally feeling sociable, huh? [WINGS FLUTTERING.]
I was just wondering what all the fuss was about.
I'm Emilio.
This is my boyfriend, Isaac.
Hey.
Hi, I'm Joe.
Are these all your animals? I help run a petting zoo.
Sometimes they let us borrow the animals so they don't get lonely.
Or so we don't.
Isaac brings them by when I'm feeling low.
Had to have a couple of pins in my hip after a slip and fall in the tub.
Humiliating.
Hey, could've happened to anybody.
What are you in for? Car accident.
- Are you from Miami? - No, I'm from Texas.
My girlfriend said this was the best place.
Can I hold your cub? Sure, come on in.
Leave the walker there, though.
Are you serious? You wanna pet the cub, you gotta work for it.
Okay.
[BIRD SQUAWKING.]
Yeah.
I grew up on a ranch, and we had horses and sheep and chickens but nothing like this.
Well, get ready to get pissed on.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
- Oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.
What do I how do It's just like feeding a baby.
♪ He's so tiny.
Yeah, watch, though.
In six months, he'll weigh 100 pounds and no one will be able to tell him what to do.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, there he goes.
- Oh! Oh! ♪ Yeah.
Yeah! 12.
Nice, Joe, nice.
I can keep going.
One more set, you're done.
Looking good, Schreibvogel.
Feeling good.
Looks like you'll be out of here soon, going home.
Bet your girlfriend will be thrilled.
Hey, you never told me her name.
Kim.
She's she's great.
She's a teacher, so, you know, she'll probably make a good mom someday.
Meeting her, best thing that ever happened to me.
Who are you trying to convince, me or you? What are you talking about? Please, I had you pegged the second I laid eyes on you.
What was your plan? Marry this girl, pretend to be someone you're not the rest of your life? No.
I was gonna kill myself.
Drove myself off a bridge.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
"Car accident," huh? ♪ You know, being out is a hell of a lot better than being dead.
Easy for you to say.
You got a whole life.
You got someone who loves you.
You can have all that too.
It's hard in Texas.
It's hard everywhere.
But if you stick around here, at least you have us.
We make our family.
♪ Okay.
I think that's everything.
Isaac and I have a fold-out sofa.
You're welcome to stay as long as you need.
Gotta tell Kim the truth.
Plus, I like cowboys.
There ain't no cowboys in Miami.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
Okay, my friend.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
You ready? Good.
You and me both, buddy.
[ENGINE TURNING OVER.]
No sign of the asset.
Oh, there he is.
There you are.
The asset is taking out the trash.
I've been spotted.
- [HORN HONKS.]
- Oh, shit oh.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING.]
[KNOCKING.]
[WINDOW WHIRRING.]
What are you doing, Mrs.
Baskin? I wanna talk to you Away from here so your boss can't see us.
Why would I talk to you? You're enemy number one.
I'm not I am his enemy, not yours.
You know what I mean? [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC.]
♪ Oh, check it out, they got firecrackers.
Is anybody else's tummy growling? I saw a sign back there for some stone crabs.
Ain't you got enough crabs already? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, come on.
I think we should take a look around before we get dinner.
I wanna find a present for Carole.
A present? Ah, she might've got the wrong impression of me, you know, from those voice mails.
Thought a peace offering would help, something like that rug, yeah.
Ah! I think she likes her tigers alive, Joe.
Yeah, fair enough.
Hold the fuckin' phone.
What about that? Oh, my God, that's it! And look, it's a bargain too.
What do you think, John? John? They eat a gallon of these baby shrimp in, like, five minutes flat.
- No way.
- Yeah.
Look, Joe, newborn gators.
Yeah.
Tiny little fuckers, ain't they? Mm-hmm.
What if I bought you a couple? - You serious? - Sure.
Ship 'em out to the zoo.
Build a pen.
You could raise 'em up, take care of them.
I ain't taken care of anything before.
Well, you helped birth those cubs, didn't you? You're a natural.
Sure it's not too expensive? Who gives a shit about how much it costs? When you're with me, everything's taken care of Gator Man.
Gator Man? That's badass.
I'll take care of everything.
You just pick out the names.
[CLICKING TONGUE.]
- Hi, Jenny.
How are you? - Hi, good.
- How are you? - This is my new friend.
Hello.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, could I get the what am I gonna have? [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
All right, frick it.
Can I just do the chickpea patty, please, extra onions, pickles, pickles all day, no tempeh ugh no carrots, lettuce, tomato, fine, zesty sauce on the side no, on it.
- On? - On.
No, on the side.
And, um, no sprouts.
Did you know that sprouts are the number three carrier of salmonella? Sprouts! I'll get a glass of water.
You sure? I'm payin'.
- Thank you.
- You got five minutes.
Yeah.
How'd you come to work for Mr.
Zaharia, anyway? I worked in animal care over at ZooTampa.
My back crapped out, they laid me off.
Zaharia gave me a job, no questions asked.
Pretty decent of him.
Too bad about the way he treats his animals.
You could change things for those cats, you know.
What are you getting at? If you were to bring a camera into the facility [LAUGHS.]
Now I know you're crazy.
I'm not crazy, I took down Joe Exotic, I can take down Zaharia too.
All I need is a few decent photographs.
You're the only one that can get in there.
And, what, just put myself out of a job? I got a family, bills to pay.
I can't just turn my life upside down, no matter how much I love those cats.
Hmm, I would hate for money to stand in the way of doing the right thing.
$5,000? [CLEARS THROAT.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Ten'd be better.
♪ Can't we leave this damn thing in the truck? It's a true objet d'art.
Can't just leave that lying around.
People'll steal it.
Ain't no one gonna steal that piece of shit.
Can you put it over there? Oh, check this out.
The soap looks just like a seashell.
Yeah, well, don't be stingy with it, you stinky bastard.
Oh, it ain't my fault, after being crammed in that truck with you two for 18 hours.
This piece-of-shit lock is busted.
Like anyone's trying to see you naked.
[CHUCKLES.]
See you in an hour, boys.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
They got this thing called a mermaid show here, or We could take a helicopter ride over the bay.
Says we might see sharks.
John, that's tourist shit.
WE GOTTA FOCUS ON OUR MISSION: Carole fuckin' Baskin.
Thought we'd have time for a little fun, at least.
We're gonna have fun.
[FUSE SIZZLING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[FIRECRACKER BANGS.]
Oh! Holy fucking shit! [LAUGHTER.]
God damn it! Man, fuck you guys! You all right in there? [EILEEN'S "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN'".]
♪ [SINGING IN FRENCH.]
♪ [GROANING.]
Ooh, the water's incredible! My God.
Get your ass in front of one of these jets here.
It's like a deep-tissue massage up my god oh, I can feel it in my throat.
It's deep.
You mind telling me what the hell is going on with you? What do you mean? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me, huh? Are you afraid strangers are gonna think you're gay? Come on, man.
Lookit, you're so uncomfortable, you can't even look at me.
I'm uncomfortable because this bathing suit you wanted me to wear has got my nuts in a vise grip.
You been weird for days.
Flirting with every girl from Wynnewood to Tallahassee, inviting that boner killer in there on what was supposed to be a romantic weekend.
I mean are you even attracted to me? I think it's pretty obvious I am.
Well, it ain't obvious to me.
'Cause I think this thing we have Could be real.
You like me? - Well, don't say it like that.
- I'm not.
I knew you liked fucking me, but I didn't think you had feelings for me.
Jeez.
I feel like I'm in goddamn middle school here.
You gonna make me ask? Do you feel the same way or what? I don't know.
The only relationship I ever been in, my girlfriend cheated on me.
I don't know, I guess I just need more time to figure out how I feel.
Don't keep me hanging too long.
I won't.
Hey, move over.
Quit hogging those jets.
I wanna feel that famous jet you've been talkin' about.
[THE MARSHALL TUCKER BAND'S "CAN'T YOU SEE".]
♪ Let's see.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Oh! Oh, my gosh, that's gorgeous.
Very Georgia O'Keeffe.
Will you take that to Cheryl in the gift shop and tell her we have more "Paw-cassos" on the way? - Sure thing.
- Thank you so much.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- Really beautiful stuff.
Wait.
Hello? It's going down.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Let's roll.
What is this? What do you want? Ah, look at him.
Those photos must have been bad for the committee to move this quickly.
Mm, Daniel came through.
Those cats are gonna get a second chance because of him.
It's because of you.
Oh, look, they're fighting.
[LAUGHS.]
Wish I had popcorn.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [RADIO TUNING.]
- Oh.
[MAROON 5'S "MOVES LIKE JAGGER" PLAYING.]
I've got them moves like Jagger ♪ I've got them moves like Jagger ♪ ♪ $25 a damn person, that's highway robbery.
Pretty good-looking operation.
She's got cages.
I got cages.
Looks the same to me.
Okay, hi, everyone.
My name is Tyler.
I'm gonna be taking you on your tour of Big Cat Rescue today.
Our sanctuary provides forever homes for big cats from abusive or neglected backgrounds.
For instance, over there, you'll see Paloma.
She came to us through a drug raid but is now thriving, so Would ya listen to that? Looks like Paloma was a drug addict.
Wonder what her poison was pills, reefer? China white tiger? [LAUGHTER.]
Look how nice this fuckin' place is.
Shut up.
So tigers like Sasha here can sometimes sleep up to 20 hours a day.
Pretty crazy, huh? Okay, let's take the bridge over to Bobcat Island.
Cool, all right, let's [DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
I'm gonna look for Carole now.
All right, give her my regards.
♪ Scuse me, miss.
I wonder if you might point me in the direction of the office.
Uh, well, the office is off-limits to the public.
Well, I'm not the public.
I'm a colleague of Carole Baskin.
Just came by for a little chat.
So do you have an appointment? Not technically, but she's gonna wanna hear from me.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
♪ Val? Yeah? Can you cut a check for $10,000 and make it out to Daniel Marsh, please? - That's a lot of money.
- I know.
He took pictures of Zaharia's cats so we could rescue them.
Wait, what, you bribed him? It's not a bribe.
A bribe is paying someone to do something illicit.
This man is being fairly compensated for doing the Lord's work.
I'd say the cats justify the means.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Sorry.
Hi, sweetheart.
What do you need? Hey, I've got Joe Schreibvogel.
He wants to talk to you.
Oh, my God, this guy doesn't know when to quit.
He's calling your phone now too? No, I mean he's here.
He's in the sanctuary.
♪ Say that one more time? He's here? [TENSE MUSIC.]
What's going on? ♪ Sweetheart, what does Joe want? ♪ She wants to know what this is regarding.
Well, I thought it was about damn time me and her broke bread together.
I even bought her a little present.
It's sittin' right outside in my truck.
Did you hear that? Yes, I heard that, thank you.
Should we hear him out? ♪ Jamie, here's what I want you to do.
Okay.
Oh, I understand.
Okay, right this way.
Well, good.
I know if we could just sit down and talk, we can come to an understanding.
I mean, we both like cats, right? Yeah, you got a nice setup here, though this chicken wire ain't gonna hold a hamster, let alone an adult tiger.
You know, I think the only difference between me and Carole is our opinion about cub pettin'.
You know, I believe that if you hold a tiger, you're gonna wanna spend the rest of your life tryin' to save them, you know what I mean? This ain't the office.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I just wanted to talk.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
[SCOFFS.]
Right now, or else.
♪ [POOL BALLS CLATTER.]
[GLEN CAMPBELL'S "RHINESTONE COWBOY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
There's been a load of compromising ♪ On the road to my horizon ♪ But I'm gonna be ♪ Where the lights are shinin' on me ♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪ Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo ♪ ♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪ Getting cards and letters ♪ From people I don't even know ♪ And offers comin' over the phone ♪ ♪ Hey.
Hey! What do you think you're doing? You can't bring that thing in here.
I'll take a shot of Jim Beam for me and a bowl of milk for my friend.
You gotta be kiddin' me.
You need to leave right now, or else.
You ever pet a tiger before? Or a tiger's owner? On the road to my horizon ♪ But I'm gonna be ♪ Where the lights are shinin' on me ♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪ Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo ♪ ♪ A rhinestone cowboy ♪ [ENGINE TURNING OVER.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, I keep coming up $200 short.
Oh, yeah, I gave $200 to Trip Malloy.
How do you expect me to reconcile the books when you don't tell me where the damn money is? I love when you go all CPA on me.
Oh, you mean when I talk about accounts receivable? You really wanna do this? Liquidity.
Hostile takeover.
[CHUCKLING.]
All right, what'd you spend the money on? Equipment.
And what is that supposed to mean? There's a lion needs a home.
She's got one foot that's all mangled.
We can afford it.
It's not about the money.
We've already got a tiger we don't have room for.
Now you wanna take in a lion? This is a pet store, not a circus.
I know, but we could be doing so much more, not just selling hamsters that are gonna eat it in six months anyway.
This place could be our own little wild kingdom.
Mr.
Schreibvogel! Stan, we sent our rent check in last week.
We got a problem.
Really? Since when are flags against the rules? Since I bought this building two months ago.
- Pursuant to clause 14 B of your lease agreement, banners and flags will not be permitted.
Pursuant to my ass.
This wouldn't have anything to do with my flag being rainbow-colored, would it? You have 24 hours to take them down Or you're out.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
♪ [SPRAY BOTTLE SPRITZING.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Oh, you're cleaning.
That can't be good.
You know, pricks like him won't leave us alone till we're back in the closet or dead.
Now, I got a whole life now, I got someone who loves me, and I ain't going quietly.
It's just a flag, Joe.
It's not just a fuckin' flag, and you know it.
So what do you wanna do? I don't know.
Maybe I'll go to his office tomorrow.
And then what? Maybe I'll bring my gun, make him feel small.
All right, but there's a cost to going to war, even if you didn't start it.
Don't it eat at you? Of course it does, but that landlord's just pissed 'cause he's soft and bald and has to go home to his crusty old lady while you get to be with this fine piece right here.
Doesn't that make you the winner? I just want a place where we can live, where we can be, and no one can say shit about it.
Don't we deserve that? [SOFT MUSIC.]
Congratulations, Mr.
Schreibvogel.
What are you gonna do with all this land? I'm gonna build a zoo.
Sounds ambitious.
♪ I'm gonna do this, Brian.
No one's gonna make me feel small again.
♪ Guess you and Carole didn't see eye to eye.
Probably should've called first, huh? [TENSE MUSIC.]
Start shootin'! ♪ Well, folks, it's Joe Exotic here, and we just got thrown out of Big Cat Rescue 'cause Carole Baskin would rather tear down everything that I've built than spend one minute in the same damn room as me.
She won't even look me in the eye while she's fuckin' me! So I got a message for you, all you Carole haters out there.
If you got any dirt on this woman, I wanna hear about it.
And if you happen to be in Tampa, Florida, I'm in room 151 at the Econo Lodge at Dale Mabry Highway.
That's right, 151, just like the liquor.
Cut it.
All right, let's find some Wi-Fi and post that! Hey, this is good shit man.
That's strong! They ain't seen nothing yet.
Hey, maybe we should take a breath, get something to eat? I saw a Waffle House a few blocks back.
Oh, fuck that.
If that goddamn bitch thinks I'm finished with her here, she's got another thing coming.
[DRAMATIC OPERA MUSIC.]
♪ Joe Schreibvogel was a guest on your sanctuary tour today.
Yes, but I didn't realize at the time 'cause he was wearing a hat.
During the tour, he managed to sneak away without your noticing into a nonpublic area of the sanctuary where he could have harmed the animals that we have been sworn to protect.
I'm so sorry, I was just I was focused on the spiel.
You violated the most sacred duty that we have here.
It's your job to protect the animals.
So I'm gonna have to let you go.
What? Carole.
It's not open for discussion.
But that's not fair! I've given two years of my life to you for no pay! Yeah, but you're not smart.
You're not smart.
Hand in your shirt.
♪ Oh, thank God.
Security said Joe went without too much of a fuss.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
So I just received word that Grigore Zaharia's Class 1 wildlife permit has been suspended pending an investigation.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Now, who wants to do the honors? Allison, go.
- Whoo-hoo! - Bye-bye.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- That's great.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, yeah! Good job, everybody.
What's up? It's fine.
It's just, in the past few months, we've crossed two of the guys off the list.
Damn straight.
We should've got a cake.
Boom! We're swatting at flies.
So much time and energy burnt up for such tiny victories, you know? [SIGHS.]
Even if we got ten of these guys in a year, we would barely be making a dent.
What are you saying? We need to think bigger.
We're doing everything we can within the scope of the law.
Well, then we need to change the law.
There needs to be a law against private ownership of big cats in this country.
Sure, that sounds great, and my daughter also wants a pony for Christmas.
It could be called the the cat law the big cat law the big cat amendment.
[HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIRRING.]
What's that sound? [WHIRRING CONTINUES.]
Big cat amendment.
What is that sound? [WHIRRING CONTINUES.]
I don't like that.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
♪ Whoo-hoo! This is crazy! What? She came at me first! Go lower! Can't go below 500 feet.
Plus, there's people down there.
I don't give a I'm not gonna hurt 'em.
I'm just gonna scare 'em a little.
Lower! Lower! ♪ What's going on? I don't know! [LION ROARING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[LION GROWLS.]
♪ Get the vet! She's having a seizure! Hurry.
♪ The hell are you doing? I want her to see my damn face! Joe, sit down, you idiot! No! No, grab on to my belt! You're gonna get yourself killed! I'm gonna get killed unless you grab on to my belt right now.
- Grab it! - Jesus Christ! [HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIRRING.]
Carole Baskin, you fuckin' bitch! ♪ You see me now? Fuck you! ♪ Remember me! Bitch! ♪ [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
You see Carole's face? Oh, my God, I thought she was gonna crap herself.
- She might have crapped herself.
- She did.
That was worth every damn penny.
Oh, Reinke, God damn it, you ain't been with us long, but you are ride or die.
- I'm glad you came, man.
- I am too, buddy.
I am too.
Hey, John! What the hell were you doing up there, hangin' out the door like a goddamn maniac? I was trying to make a point.
Yeah, well, you could've gotten yourself killed.
The fuck you smilin' about? You sure sound like somebody who gives a shit about me.
What, you got real feelings in there for me? Maybe.
So we doin' this thing? [SOFT MUSIC.]
If you promise to stop doing stupid shit, then yeah.
I guess we can give it a shot.
♪ Fucking idiot.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
♪ How's the lion? ♪ Touch and go.
Vet's optimistic, so that's good.
How are you? I really think he's evil, Howard.
Only an evil man would do what he did today, and it demands an answer.
I have to get him.
How are you gonna do that? ♪ I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, let's think of something together.
Hmm? I wanna help you.
I wanna join you here, be part of the team.
Howard I really appreciate that, but you've got your own job, and this is my problem to solve.
Your problems are my problems.
Let's get him.
Are you sure you wouldn't hate seeing my ass all day at the office? You know I love your ass.
Nothing would make me happier.
The question you have to ask yourself is, should I bring the big guns? ♪ Yes.
♪ [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY.]
♪ [SINGERS VOCALIZING.]
♪ Who wants to hit the pool? I ain't wearing one of them banana hammocks.
I've got flowers ♪ Who's that? It's the tour guide.
So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose ♪ The hell do you want? You said you wanted dirt on Carole Baskin.
Well, here you go.
You and your pussycat nose ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, you're so thrilling ♪ And I'm so willing to care for you ♪ So go and make up your big little pussycat eyes ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I love you ♪ Yes, I do ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I've got flowers ♪ And lots of hours to spend with you ♪ So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I love you ♪ Yes, I do ♪ You and your pussycat nose ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, you're so thrilling ♪ And I'm so willing to care for you ♪ So go and make up your big little pussycat eyes ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I love you ♪ Yes, I do ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat lips ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat ♪ Nose ♪
You've reached Carole Baskin at Big Cat Rescue.
Leave me a message, won't you? [BEEP.]
Well, how 'bout that? It's Carole Baskin's voice mail.
How you doin' tonight, Carole Baskin's voice mail? Me, I'm not doin' too good, not that you give a shit.
Anybody tell you how stupid your goddamn voice sounds? - [MICROWAVE BEEPS.]
- Makes me wanna fuckin' puke.
You think you can just cut the head off my business and I'm gonna be okay with it? Well, I'm not okay with it.
I'm a fiery fuckin' phoenix, Carole Baskin, and when I burn up, I'm just gonna rise from my own goddamn ashes, you fuckin' bitch.
And I'm gonna fucking - [PHONE CLATTERS.]
- Shit! I am stronger than anyone or anything you ever met in your goddamn life, and if you know what's good for you, you'll be shakin' in your Uggs, you no-good, two-bit, motherfucking backwards-twatted cunt.
♪ This is Joe Exotic, by the way.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
♪ [TIGER GROWLS.]
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
Uh, two masses removed without issue, but the liver's too far gone.
As the cancer progresses, her pain levels will increase.
Might be time to think about what's best for Chairman Meow, instead of what hurts us less.
I get it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Guess we didn't get there in time, huh? Um, can I just, um can I have a moment alone with her to say goodbye? [MONITOR BEEPING.]
Hi, sweet pie.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
♪ [TIGER MOANING.]
♪ [SNIFFLES.]
♪ Good girl.
I'm sorry, sweet pie.
♪ [TIGER CUB MEWLING.]
Here comes another one.
Come on, you sexy bitch.
Oh! All right, I got it.
- Yeah.
- There you go, buddy.
Got that shit all over it.
That's the same shit you were covered in when you came out, bud.
- Female.
- Phew! Doc, check 'em out! Excuse me, ladies.
Well, that's a good-sized litter, Joe.
Thank you.
Cats I usually breed haven't turned out this many in a while.
Well, the air around Oklahoma's sweeter than Myrtle Beach, and it makes my tigers real horny.
Yeah.
Oh, now, look, she is a beauty.
We don't have anything with markings like that at Safari Park.
- That one's precious.
- Mm.
- This one? - Yeah, that one.
Well, she's yours, then.
Huh? Anything for my girls.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, so we'll we'll take those two.
Now, uh, what'd we say, $2,500 a head? Now, wait a minute.
You got a big operation.
You're gonna need all kinds of new blood comin' in.
How about that guy? He's a killer for sure.
Yeah, no, I'm good, Joe.
Can we talk, Doc? I'm in a tough spot right now, Doc.
With no road shows right now, I got next to no income.
I can barely afford to feed the cats I got, let alone a few new ones.
Yeah, well, that Carole Baskin's got a target on all of us, Joe.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER.]
And I'm sorry about your situation, but I can't afford any more.
We're friends from way back.
Help me out, please! [CHUCKLES.]
Well, I'll tell you, you know what Vern Owens used to do when he was in this spot? He'd make room.
Yeah, well, I don't.
I love my cats.
I-I could never hurt 'em.
Yeah, of course not.
I wasn't suggesting it.
It's horrible.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Ladies! Mmm, ain't nothin' like a mom-cooked meal.
Tried to cook it medium rare, but I overdid it.
Mm.
Steak's great, Mom, thanks.
Hey, you know I hate to ask.
We've been having some money problems.
I gave you $5,000 last month.
What happened to that? Spent it on meat.
And I guess I can put 'em on a diet, but you ever heard a hungry cat roar? It's like to break your heart.
They'll be all like [MIMICS MOANING TIGER.]
Well, I don't wanna see the poor things suffer, - but, Joe - If I can't feed 'em, Mom, I might have to put the whole zoo up for sale.
How much do you need? Oh, maybe 15 grand, 20 if you got it.
Thanks, Mom.
And these vegetables, how do you get them so tender? - It's incredible.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
I'm home, Grandma.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- The hell are you doing here? Well, look who it is, resting witch face.
Grandma, you're not writing him another check.
Mind your own damn business.
This is my business.
I'm the one who takes care of Grandma.
You just come by to mooch off her.
That's a humanitarian right there.
You wanna stop her from supporting animals in need? Ten grand? You really burn me up, you know that? Not my fault you don't know how to budget.
I wouldn't even need the money if it weren't for that bitch down in Florida.
Who? I told you, Carole Baskin.
She's messing with my livelihood.
Yeah? Go take it up with her, then.
She won't call me back.
What am I supposed to do, drive to Florida and show up on her doorstep? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
♪ Hey, Crystal said she had some forms she wanted you to sign.
Forget that.
Need you to gas up the truck.
I'm goin' on a road trip.
[KEYS JANGLING.]
You got it.
Hey, maybe you wanna come with? We can make it a boys' weekend.
Where we headed? Tampa, Florida.
What's in Florida? The queen bitch herself Carole fuckin' Baskin.
♪ That brings us to our 20-minute window for public comment.
Yes, thank you.
Carole Baskin, CEO and founder, Big Cat Rescue.
Please keep it limited to three minutes, Mrs.
Baskin.
Of course.
[PEOPLE MURMURING.]
I agree, it's upsetting.
This beautiful creature passed away this morning, after years of being held captive by a motley crew of private traders and wildlife "enthusiasts.
" But if I sat at home grieving, I wouldn't be upholding my responsibility to the animals I've sworn to protect.
So I am here not for the first time to ask this committee to revoke the Class 1 wildlife permit held by Grigore Zaharia.
[CHUCKLES.]
Speak of the devil.
Every month, I come down here to defend myself because nebuna asta is after me again.
Nebuna asta, you say that every time.
What is that? I have never seen that tiger before in my life.
It's yes, okay, this individual tiger was not in his possession, but it's representative of what happens to the tigers under his care.
I've received several anonymous complaints from former employees, all citing the same concerns: untreated wounds, starvation diets All my animals, down to the last pink flamingo, are happy and healthy.
Then open your gates and let us inside.
If you have nothing to hide, why ban public access? I swam across the Danube to escape the Iron Curtain.
I won't be interrogated by Comrade Baskin, not when the Constitution guarantees me a right to property.
The curtain fell a long time ago, my friend, and these are living things, not property.
The committee needs to demand access to his animals and see for yourself Do you have any evidence to support your claim, Mrs.
Baskin? I don't know if you can tell, Mr.
Zaharia is a very intimidating man.
And I think the fact that my tipsters were not willing to go public is indicative We can't revoke a legally granted permit based on hearsay.
Request denied.
Woof.
Sorry that didn't go your way.
Well, I didn't get Joe at first either.
Slow and steady wins the race, my love.
That's right.
That's right.
Well, I have to get on the road to Miami.
- Oh.
- I'll be back Thursday.
What company are you fixing this time? Oh, windows and doors manufacturer.
Yeah, their financials were a mess.
It's gonna take me months to unravel and put a new plan in place.
I am so excited.
[LAUGHTER.]
Well, you're a genius and you can - wear the hell out of a suit.
- That's right.
They needed the big guns.
Pop, pop, pop, pop.
Ow, my heart.
Come here, you.
- I'll miss you.
- Miss you.
Hm.
♪ You planning something, or do I not wanna know? ♪ I'll be careful.
All I ask.
I don't choose who I go after, Howie.
- They choose me.
- I know.
♪ You got a few names for me ♪ Some might be true and some just seem mean ♪ You touch my music one more time, we're gonna have words.
Someone's in a mood.
I mean, I don't recall inviting you along.
You said you wanted a guys' weekend.
Yeah, and I ain't been on one of those in a long-ass time, and Tampa's the strip club capital of the world.
I'm ready to tackle some clam, baby.
Well, I got bigger tits on my plate.
Shit, like what? He's gonna walk into Carole Baskin's office, he's gonna sit her down, and he's gonna charm the granny panties off her.
Oh, that is one claptrap I would not wanna get caught in.
Ten minutes in the same room, me and her'll be hugging it out.
And I'll get my road show back.
I'll be in the black again or the red, whichever the good one is.
Mm, I'm not so sure she'll talk to you, especially after all them voice mails.
Yeah.
How bad were they? Oh, dude, even I learned a few new cuss words, and that's saying something.
Well, I got feelings! She can't hold that against me.
I mean, we ain't so different, me and Carole Baskin.
Ain't nobody loves tigers more than me, she'll see.
All right, Florida, here we come! You boys ever been there? ♪ [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
I mean, I love Dr.
Mead, but if you're gonna ask me to hold a stress position, at least buy me a drink first.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, Joe, you coming to the gym this afternoon? No.
Hurts too much.
Well, your X-rays show progress, Joe.
Your biggest problem is mental.
Maybe tomorrow.
Look, Joe, if you're not gonna do the rehab, why'd you come all the way to Florida? ♪ [MONKEY CHATTERING.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
- He's so cute.
- This monkey is so funny.
- I know, he's trouble.
- I love him! - He's so cute.
Ah, finally feeling sociable, huh? [WINGS FLUTTERING.]
I was just wondering what all the fuss was about.
I'm Emilio.
This is my boyfriend, Isaac.
Hey.
Hi, I'm Joe.
Are these all your animals? I help run a petting zoo.
Sometimes they let us borrow the animals so they don't get lonely.
Or so we don't.
Isaac brings them by when I'm feeling low.
Had to have a couple of pins in my hip after a slip and fall in the tub.
Humiliating.
Hey, could've happened to anybody.
What are you in for? Car accident.
- Are you from Miami? - No, I'm from Texas.
My girlfriend said this was the best place.
Can I hold your cub? Sure, come on in.
Leave the walker there, though.
Are you serious? You wanna pet the cub, you gotta work for it.
Okay.
[BIRD SQUAWKING.]
Yeah.
I grew up on a ranch, and we had horses and sheep and chickens but nothing like this.
Well, get ready to get pissed on.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
- Oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.
What do I how do It's just like feeding a baby.
♪ He's so tiny.
Yeah, watch, though.
In six months, he'll weigh 100 pounds and no one will be able to tell him what to do.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, there he goes.
- Oh! Oh! ♪ Yeah.
Yeah! 12.
Nice, Joe, nice.
I can keep going.
One more set, you're done.
Looking good, Schreibvogel.
Feeling good.
Looks like you'll be out of here soon, going home.
Bet your girlfriend will be thrilled.
Hey, you never told me her name.
Kim.
She's she's great.
She's a teacher, so, you know, she'll probably make a good mom someday.
Meeting her, best thing that ever happened to me.
Who are you trying to convince, me or you? What are you talking about? Please, I had you pegged the second I laid eyes on you.
What was your plan? Marry this girl, pretend to be someone you're not the rest of your life? No.
I was gonna kill myself.
Drove myself off a bridge.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
"Car accident," huh? ♪ You know, being out is a hell of a lot better than being dead.
Easy for you to say.
You got a whole life.
You got someone who loves you.
You can have all that too.
It's hard in Texas.
It's hard everywhere.
But if you stick around here, at least you have us.
We make our family.
♪ Okay.
I think that's everything.
Isaac and I have a fold-out sofa.
You're welcome to stay as long as you need.
Gotta tell Kim the truth.
Plus, I like cowboys.
There ain't no cowboys in Miami.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
Okay, my friend.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
You ready? Good.
You and me both, buddy.
[ENGINE TURNING OVER.]
No sign of the asset.
Oh, there he is.
There you are.
The asset is taking out the trash.
I've been spotted.
- [HORN HONKS.]
- Oh, shit oh.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING.]
[KNOCKING.]
[WINDOW WHIRRING.]
What are you doing, Mrs.
Baskin? I wanna talk to you Away from here so your boss can't see us.
Why would I talk to you? You're enemy number one.
I'm not I am his enemy, not yours.
You know what I mean? [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC.]
♪ Oh, check it out, they got firecrackers.
Is anybody else's tummy growling? I saw a sign back there for some stone crabs.
Ain't you got enough crabs already? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, come on.
I think we should take a look around before we get dinner.
I wanna find a present for Carole.
A present? Ah, she might've got the wrong impression of me, you know, from those voice mails.
Thought a peace offering would help, something like that rug, yeah.
Ah! I think she likes her tigers alive, Joe.
Yeah, fair enough.
Hold the fuckin' phone.
What about that? Oh, my God, that's it! And look, it's a bargain too.
What do you think, John? John? They eat a gallon of these baby shrimp in, like, five minutes flat.
- No way.
- Yeah.
Look, Joe, newborn gators.
Yeah.
Tiny little fuckers, ain't they? Mm-hmm.
What if I bought you a couple? - You serious? - Sure.
Ship 'em out to the zoo.
Build a pen.
You could raise 'em up, take care of them.
I ain't taken care of anything before.
Well, you helped birth those cubs, didn't you? You're a natural.
Sure it's not too expensive? Who gives a shit about how much it costs? When you're with me, everything's taken care of Gator Man.
Gator Man? That's badass.
I'll take care of everything.
You just pick out the names.
[CLICKING TONGUE.]
- Hi, Jenny.
How are you? - Hi, good.
- How are you? - This is my new friend.
Hello.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, could I get the what am I gonna have? [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
All right, frick it.
Can I just do the chickpea patty, please, extra onions, pickles, pickles all day, no tempeh ugh no carrots, lettuce, tomato, fine, zesty sauce on the side no, on it.
- On? - On.
No, on the side.
And, um, no sprouts.
Did you know that sprouts are the number three carrier of salmonella? Sprouts! I'll get a glass of water.
You sure? I'm payin'.
- Thank you.
- You got five minutes.
Yeah.
How'd you come to work for Mr.
Zaharia, anyway? I worked in animal care over at ZooTampa.
My back crapped out, they laid me off.
Zaharia gave me a job, no questions asked.
Pretty decent of him.
Too bad about the way he treats his animals.
You could change things for those cats, you know.
What are you getting at? If you were to bring a camera into the facility [LAUGHS.]
Now I know you're crazy.
I'm not crazy, I took down Joe Exotic, I can take down Zaharia too.
All I need is a few decent photographs.
You're the only one that can get in there.
And, what, just put myself out of a job? I got a family, bills to pay.
I can't just turn my life upside down, no matter how much I love those cats.
Hmm, I would hate for money to stand in the way of doing the right thing.
$5,000? [CLEARS THROAT.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Ten'd be better.
♪ Can't we leave this damn thing in the truck? It's a true objet d'art.
Can't just leave that lying around.
People'll steal it.
Ain't no one gonna steal that piece of shit.
Can you put it over there? Oh, check this out.
The soap looks just like a seashell.
Yeah, well, don't be stingy with it, you stinky bastard.
Oh, it ain't my fault, after being crammed in that truck with you two for 18 hours.
This piece-of-shit lock is busted.
Like anyone's trying to see you naked.
[CHUCKLES.]
See you in an hour, boys.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
They got this thing called a mermaid show here, or We could take a helicopter ride over the bay.
Says we might see sharks.
John, that's tourist shit.
WE GOTTA FOCUS ON OUR MISSION: Carole fuckin' Baskin.
Thought we'd have time for a little fun, at least.
We're gonna have fun.
[FUSE SIZZLING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[FIRECRACKER BANGS.]
Oh! Holy fucking shit! [LAUGHTER.]
God damn it! Man, fuck you guys! You all right in there? [EILEEN'S "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN'".]
♪ [SINGING IN FRENCH.]
♪ [GROANING.]
Ooh, the water's incredible! My God.
Get your ass in front of one of these jets here.
It's like a deep-tissue massage up my god oh, I can feel it in my throat.
It's deep.
You mind telling me what the hell is going on with you? What do you mean? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me, huh? Are you afraid strangers are gonna think you're gay? Come on, man.
Lookit, you're so uncomfortable, you can't even look at me.
I'm uncomfortable because this bathing suit you wanted me to wear has got my nuts in a vise grip.
You been weird for days.
Flirting with every girl from Wynnewood to Tallahassee, inviting that boner killer in there on what was supposed to be a romantic weekend.
I mean are you even attracted to me? I think it's pretty obvious I am.
Well, it ain't obvious to me.
'Cause I think this thing we have Could be real.
You like me? - Well, don't say it like that.
- I'm not.
I knew you liked fucking me, but I didn't think you had feelings for me.
Jeez.
I feel like I'm in goddamn middle school here.
You gonna make me ask? Do you feel the same way or what? I don't know.
The only relationship I ever been in, my girlfriend cheated on me.
I don't know, I guess I just need more time to figure out how I feel.
Don't keep me hanging too long.
I won't.
Hey, move over.
Quit hogging those jets.
I wanna feel that famous jet you've been talkin' about.
[THE MARSHALL TUCKER BAND'S "CAN'T YOU SEE".]
♪ Let's see.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Oh! Oh, my gosh, that's gorgeous.
Very Georgia O'Keeffe.
Will you take that to Cheryl in the gift shop and tell her we have more "Paw-cassos" on the way? - Sure thing.
- Thank you so much.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- Really beautiful stuff.
Wait.
Hello? It's going down.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Let's roll.
What is this? What do you want? Ah, look at him.
Those photos must have been bad for the committee to move this quickly.
Mm, Daniel came through.
Those cats are gonna get a second chance because of him.
It's because of you.
Oh, look, they're fighting.
[LAUGHS.]
Wish I had popcorn.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [RADIO TUNING.]
- Oh.
[MAROON 5'S "MOVES LIKE JAGGER" PLAYING.]
I've got them moves like Jagger ♪ I've got them moves like Jagger ♪ ♪ $25 a damn person, that's highway robbery.
Pretty good-looking operation.
She's got cages.
I got cages.
Looks the same to me.
Okay, hi, everyone.
My name is Tyler.
I'm gonna be taking you on your tour of Big Cat Rescue today.
Our sanctuary provides forever homes for big cats from abusive or neglected backgrounds.
For instance, over there, you'll see Paloma.
She came to us through a drug raid but is now thriving, so Would ya listen to that? Looks like Paloma was a drug addict.
Wonder what her poison was pills, reefer? China white tiger? [LAUGHTER.]
Look how nice this fuckin' place is.
Shut up.
So tigers like Sasha here can sometimes sleep up to 20 hours a day.
Pretty crazy, huh? Okay, let's take the bridge over to Bobcat Island.
Cool, all right, let's [DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
I'm gonna look for Carole now.
All right, give her my regards.
♪ Scuse me, miss.
I wonder if you might point me in the direction of the office.
Uh, well, the office is off-limits to the public.
Well, I'm not the public.
I'm a colleague of Carole Baskin.
Just came by for a little chat.
So do you have an appointment? Not technically, but she's gonna wanna hear from me.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
♪ Val? Yeah? Can you cut a check for $10,000 and make it out to Daniel Marsh, please? - That's a lot of money.
- I know.
He took pictures of Zaharia's cats so we could rescue them.
Wait, what, you bribed him? It's not a bribe.
A bribe is paying someone to do something illicit.
This man is being fairly compensated for doing the Lord's work.
I'd say the cats justify the means.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Sorry.
Hi, sweetheart.
What do you need? Hey, I've got Joe Schreibvogel.
He wants to talk to you.
Oh, my God, this guy doesn't know when to quit.
He's calling your phone now too? No, I mean he's here.
He's in the sanctuary.
♪ Say that one more time? He's here? [TENSE MUSIC.]
What's going on? ♪ Sweetheart, what does Joe want? ♪ She wants to know what this is regarding.
Well, I thought it was about damn time me and her broke bread together.
I even bought her a little present.
It's sittin' right outside in my truck.
Did you hear that? Yes, I heard that, thank you.
Should we hear him out? ♪ Jamie, here's what I want you to do.
Okay.
Oh, I understand.
Okay, right this way.
Well, good.
I know if we could just sit down and talk, we can come to an understanding.
I mean, we both like cats, right? Yeah, you got a nice setup here, though this chicken wire ain't gonna hold a hamster, let alone an adult tiger.
You know, I think the only difference between me and Carole is our opinion about cub pettin'.
You know, I believe that if you hold a tiger, you're gonna wanna spend the rest of your life tryin' to save them, you know what I mean? This ain't the office.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I just wanted to talk.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
[SCOFFS.]
Right now, or else.
♪ [POOL BALLS CLATTER.]
[GLEN CAMPBELL'S "RHINESTONE COWBOY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
There's been a load of compromising ♪ On the road to my horizon ♪ But I'm gonna be ♪ Where the lights are shinin' on me ♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪ Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo ♪ ♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪ Getting cards and letters ♪ From people I don't even know ♪ And offers comin' over the phone ♪ ♪ Hey.
Hey! What do you think you're doing? You can't bring that thing in here.
I'll take a shot of Jim Beam for me and a bowl of milk for my friend.
You gotta be kiddin' me.
You need to leave right now, or else.
You ever pet a tiger before? Or a tiger's owner? On the road to my horizon ♪ But I'm gonna be ♪ Where the lights are shinin' on me ♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪ Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo ♪ ♪ A rhinestone cowboy ♪ [ENGINE TURNING OVER.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, I keep coming up $200 short.
Oh, yeah, I gave $200 to Trip Malloy.
How do you expect me to reconcile the books when you don't tell me where the damn money is? I love when you go all CPA on me.
Oh, you mean when I talk about accounts receivable? You really wanna do this? Liquidity.
Hostile takeover.
[CHUCKLING.]
All right, what'd you spend the money on? Equipment.
And what is that supposed to mean? There's a lion needs a home.
She's got one foot that's all mangled.
We can afford it.
It's not about the money.
We've already got a tiger we don't have room for.
Now you wanna take in a lion? This is a pet store, not a circus.
I know, but we could be doing so much more, not just selling hamsters that are gonna eat it in six months anyway.
This place could be our own little wild kingdom.
Mr.
Schreibvogel! Stan, we sent our rent check in last week.
We got a problem.
Really? Since when are flags against the rules? Since I bought this building two months ago.
- Pursuant to clause 14 B of your lease agreement, banners and flags will not be permitted.
Pursuant to my ass.
This wouldn't have anything to do with my flag being rainbow-colored, would it? You have 24 hours to take them down Or you're out.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
♪ [SPRAY BOTTLE SPRITZING.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Oh, you're cleaning.
That can't be good.
You know, pricks like him won't leave us alone till we're back in the closet or dead.
Now, I got a whole life now, I got someone who loves me, and I ain't going quietly.
It's just a flag, Joe.
It's not just a fuckin' flag, and you know it.
So what do you wanna do? I don't know.
Maybe I'll go to his office tomorrow.
And then what? Maybe I'll bring my gun, make him feel small.
All right, but there's a cost to going to war, even if you didn't start it.
Don't it eat at you? Of course it does, but that landlord's just pissed 'cause he's soft and bald and has to go home to his crusty old lady while you get to be with this fine piece right here.
Doesn't that make you the winner? I just want a place where we can live, where we can be, and no one can say shit about it.
Don't we deserve that? [SOFT MUSIC.]
Congratulations, Mr.
Schreibvogel.
What are you gonna do with all this land? I'm gonna build a zoo.
Sounds ambitious.
♪ I'm gonna do this, Brian.
No one's gonna make me feel small again.
♪ Guess you and Carole didn't see eye to eye.
Probably should've called first, huh? [TENSE MUSIC.]
Start shootin'! ♪ Well, folks, it's Joe Exotic here, and we just got thrown out of Big Cat Rescue 'cause Carole Baskin would rather tear down everything that I've built than spend one minute in the same damn room as me.
She won't even look me in the eye while she's fuckin' me! So I got a message for you, all you Carole haters out there.
If you got any dirt on this woman, I wanna hear about it.
And if you happen to be in Tampa, Florida, I'm in room 151 at the Econo Lodge at Dale Mabry Highway.
That's right, 151, just like the liquor.
Cut it.
All right, let's find some Wi-Fi and post that! Hey, this is good shit man.
That's strong! They ain't seen nothing yet.
Hey, maybe we should take a breath, get something to eat? I saw a Waffle House a few blocks back.
Oh, fuck that.
If that goddamn bitch thinks I'm finished with her here, she's got another thing coming.
[DRAMATIC OPERA MUSIC.]
♪ Joe Schreibvogel was a guest on your sanctuary tour today.
Yes, but I didn't realize at the time 'cause he was wearing a hat.
During the tour, he managed to sneak away without your noticing into a nonpublic area of the sanctuary where he could have harmed the animals that we have been sworn to protect.
I'm so sorry, I was just I was focused on the spiel.
You violated the most sacred duty that we have here.
It's your job to protect the animals.
So I'm gonna have to let you go.
What? Carole.
It's not open for discussion.
But that's not fair! I've given two years of my life to you for no pay! Yeah, but you're not smart.
You're not smart.
Hand in your shirt.
♪ Oh, thank God.
Security said Joe went without too much of a fuss.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
So I just received word that Grigore Zaharia's Class 1 wildlife permit has been suspended pending an investigation.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Now, who wants to do the honors? Allison, go.
- Whoo-hoo! - Bye-bye.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- That's great.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, yeah! Good job, everybody.
What's up? It's fine.
It's just, in the past few months, we've crossed two of the guys off the list.
Damn straight.
We should've got a cake.
Boom! We're swatting at flies.
So much time and energy burnt up for such tiny victories, you know? [SIGHS.]
Even if we got ten of these guys in a year, we would barely be making a dent.
What are you saying? We need to think bigger.
We're doing everything we can within the scope of the law.
Well, then we need to change the law.
There needs to be a law against private ownership of big cats in this country.
Sure, that sounds great, and my daughter also wants a pony for Christmas.
It could be called the the cat law the big cat law the big cat amendment.
[HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIRRING.]
What's that sound? [WHIRRING CONTINUES.]
Big cat amendment.
What is that sound? [WHIRRING CONTINUES.]
I don't like that.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
♪ Whoo-hoo! This is crazy! What? She came at me first! Go lower! Can't go below 500 feet.
Plus, there's people down there.
I don't give a I'm not gonna hurt 'em.
I'm just gonna scare 'em a little.
Lower! Lower! ♪ What's going on? I don't know! [LION ROARING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[LION GROWLS.]
♪ Get the vet! She's having a seizure! Hurry.
♪ The hell are you doing? I want her to see my damn face! Joe, sit down, you idiot! No! No, grab on to my belt! You're gonna get yourself killed! I'm gonna get killed unless you grab on to my belt right now.
- Grab it! - Jesus Christ! [HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIRRING.]
Carole Baskin, you fuckin' bitch! ♪ You see me now? Fuck you! ♪ Remember me! Bitch! ♪ [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
You see Carole's face? Oh, my God, I thought she was gonna crap herself.
- She might have crapped herself.
- She did.
That was worth every damn penny.
Oh, Reinke, God damn it, you ain't been with us long, but you are ride or die.
- I'm glad you came, man.
- I am too, buddy.
I am too.
Hey, John! What the hell were you doing up there, hangin' out the door like a goddamn maniac? I was trying to make a point.
Yeah, well, you could've gotten yourself killed.
The fuck you smilin' about? You sure sound like somebody who gives a shit about me.
What, you got real feelings in there for me? Maybe.
So we doin' this thing? [SOFT MUSIC.]
If you promise to stop doing stupid shit, then yeah.
I guess we can give it a shot.
♪ Fucking idiot.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
♪ How's the lion? ♪ Touch and go.
Vet's optimistic, so that's good.
How are you? I really think he's evil, Howard.
Only an evil man would do what he did today, and it demands an answer.
I have to get him.
How are you gonna do that? ♪ I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, let's think of something together.
Hmm? I wanna help you.
I wanna join you here, be part of the team.
Howard I really appreciate that, but you've got your own job, and this is my problem to solve.
Your problems are my problems.
Let's get him.
Are you sure you wouldn't hate seeing my ass all day at the office? You know I love your ass.
Nothing would make me happier.
The question you have to ask yourself is, should I bring the big guns? ♪ Yes.
♪ [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY.]
♪ [SINGERS VOCALIZING.]
♪ Who wants to hit the pool? I ain't wearing one of them banana hammocks.
I've got flowers ♪ Who's that? It's the tour guide.
So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose ♪ The hell do you want? You said you wanted dirt on Carole Baskin.
Well, here you go.
You and your pussycat nose ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, you're so thrilling ♪ And I'm so willing to care for you ♪ So go and make up your big little pussycat eyes ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I love you ♪ Yes, I do ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I've got flowers ♪ And lots of hours to spend with you ♪ So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I love you ♪ Yes, I do ♪ You and your pussycat nose ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ What's new, pussycat? ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, you're so thrilling ♪ And I'm so willing to care for you ♪ So go and make up your big little pussycat eyes ♪ Pussycat, pussycat, I love you ♪ Yes, I do ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat lips ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat eyes ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ You and your pussycat ♪ Nose ♪