Joe vs. Carole (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

A Gun-Toting, Animal-Loving, Mullet-Wearing Motherf**king Star

1 [T.
Oh, yeah! ♪ Telegram Sam, Telegram Sam ♪ You are my main man ♪ ♪ Hey, you got any sirloin in there? Uh, hot dogs, kielbasa oh, bingo.
It's only five days expired.
- Pick your poison.
- Yeah, I'm okay.
Ha, I'm kiddin'! This is the same shit people pay good money for.
As long as you cook it, it won't send you to the hospital.
The hell's going on around here? Relax, Joe.
I saved you the flank.
Put that shit back.
You know we're tightening our belts.
All this meat goes to the cats.
C'mon, dude.
What about us, man? You wanna bitch about it, call HR.
Ask for Mr.
Damn, Joe, a little harsh, don't you think? I will ease up once Carole Baskin gets off my goddamn ass.
The longer I gotta pay my lawyers to fend her off, the longer we go hungry.
You heard the man.
Meat's for the cats.
I gave this place a facelift, and I'm not gonna screw it up by showin' off a bunch of skinny-ass tigers.
Nobody wants to see that.
You know, zoo looks great, but when are people gonna show up? It's like we pulled up our skirt, but nobody wants to sniff our pussy.
Well, I got a plan to get the word out about our pussy.
Wait, did you buy the billboards on the interstate? I can't afford billboards, but you know what's free? The internet.
You already posted on the internet.
- No shit, Crystal.
- This is Amber.
The hell happened to Crystal? - She's gone back to rehab.
- For what? You know Crystal ain't her real name, right? Well, we're done posting amateur shit online.
It's time to go pro.
How? I'm gonna put an ad on Craigslist.
Who's this? Rick Kirkham? Yeah? It's Joe Exotic.
Did you really work on "Inside Edition"? Sure did.
Hell of a show.
Great memories.
Who is this again? Joe Exotic from the GW Zoo.
You answered my Craigslist ad lookin' for a producer.
I was hoping you could come down to the park this week.
I got a great opportunity for ya.
I'll have to check my schedule.
♪ Good news, I'm free.
Good afternoon.
I am so excited to be taking you on a tour of this very special sanctuary.
We call it that because that's what we endeavor to create here for our cats, who come from troubled homes.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
"Who the heck is this insane cat lady? She doesn't know anything about me.
" Well, in fact, I do.
I know that you all come from homes that didn't feel like a sanctuary, and there is a reason that the Tampa Youth Center brought you here, and it ain't just the cats, spoiler alert, because guess who else happened to leave home as a teenager? It was me.
I guess I was what you would call an "at-risk teen" until my life changed and I met a man who Is capable of love.
And he taught me about healthy intimacy.
Healthy emotional intimacy.
Healthy sexual intimacy.
Take my word for it, when you feel like the world doesn't love you, find something to love.
That's what I did.
I found the animals at this sanctuary.
I went on a tangent.
Who wants to see some cats? [ALL CHEERING.]
Yeah? Okay.
That got heavy.
Let's go.
♪ How was the tour? I think I really inspired them.
I'm sure you did.
I'm sure you did.
Is that Chanel No.
5? Wow, someone's got a good sniffer.
Well, you are not the first maiden I have courted, milady.
You are not the first knight I have ridden to the holy land, my friend.
Yeah, Sasha goes into heat when this little guy shows up covered in Eau de Parfum.
Well, Sasha has expensive tastes.
There's nothing too good for my cats.
Speaking of, will you get me the Estée Lauder Pleasures, please? - Yes, with pleasure, my dear.
- For Tony.
And, um, the Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium while you're at it.
Uh, I got a call from Representative Hughes' office.
I'm afraid the meeting has been put on hold.
Why? They didn't go into the why, but I have a feeling it has to do with the garbage that Joe's been putting online.
You're effing kidding me.
Got that call from the "Tribune" last week.
Jesus Christ.
The accusations have clearly been getting more and more attention.
They're gonna reschedule, right? Well, my guess is, not until the story dies down.
Maybe I should call the "Tribune" and sit down with them.
What, an interview? Yeah.
I mean, we can't get traction on our Big Cat Bill until we get a congressperson to sponsor it, so it could be an opportunity to tell the reporter what the real story is, which is our bill to save big cats.
Are you sure you want to engage them? What, you think I can't be charming? Well you charmed the pants off me literally.
- Excuse me.
- Sup? Looking for Joe.
His office is at the back of the gift shop.
Thank you.
Holy shit.
I heard you got yourself a zoo baptism.
Well guess I got a little too close to the tiger.
Well, you really get too close, they'll be doing more than pissin' on you.
Now, I want you to help yourself to anything you want.
Everything's brand-new.
We got lotions, we got bobbleheads, we got rubbers.
Here, take this.
Though judging by your mug, you ain't gonna need them anytime soon.
I'm kiddin'.
We have a good time here! Long as you don't mind gettin' pissed on now and then.
I've been in the TV business for almost three decades.
It would take a hell of a lot more than tiger piss to spook me.
Is it true you interviewed Chuck Norris? Yeah, we landed him on "Inside Edition.
" Tell me, is he one of them actors that's that's midget-sized when you see 'em up close? No, he's a regular-sized man.
What's Bill O'Reilly like? He's a piece of excrement in human form.
So that's why you left? No, there was a problem with a story I did on a crack cocaine bust.
What kind of problem? I smoked all the crack.
And then I got my hands on more and I smoked that, too.
I'm pretty open about it.
Actually won an award.
You won an award for smoking crack? No, for a documentary about it.
I haven't touched the stuff in years.
I'm clean as a whistle and excited about helping you out.
Well, as you can see, we run a very professional operation here.
I'll need an advance of about six weeks up front.
Sure, as long as you're the best man for the job.
So you want to make a show? Yeah, for my YouTube channel.
You know, I got 100 subscribers.
But I really want 100,000.
You know, go viral.
Because when people know how great it is here, GW Zoo becomes a go-to destination.
Then I can forget about all the damage Carole fuckin' Baskin's done.
Who? Some nasty bitch who's got it in for me.
But don't worry, I'm hittin' back at her.
Uh, the ad said the job comes with accommodations provided? - Only the best.
- You have equipment? We can get anything you need.
And the advance? Sure, I can get that.
Well, then, I'm ready to roll, Joe.
One last thing.
I couldn't help but notice it's been a while since your last job.
Be honest, you still got it? Let me ask you something.
You got a gorilla at this zoo? No.
Well, congratulations.
'Cause you just got yourself an 800-pound one.
Rick, I like your style.
Can you close that behind you? - Oh, yeah.
- Thank you.
Hey, John.
Yeah? Give me some of that sugar.
- You had a good day? - Yeah, I'm good.
You? Good, yeah.
Can you show Rick to his digs? He's gonna be working with us at the zoo.
You ready? Uh, yeah, I'll get my stuff from the car.
- Okay.
- Have a good night.
♪ You must be a big deal for Joe to give you the best trailer.
I'll see you later.
Sweet dreams.
Jesus Christ.
♪ Did you move Rick in? Yep.
Was he happy with the trailer? He didn't say he wasn't.
Damn, it's late.
I need some shut-eye.
- Sup? - Sup? ♪ G'night, boys.
- Night.
- Night.
Oh, shit! [GROWLS.]
Sorry, dude.
I wasn't I didn't feed em'.
I was just looking at em.
Whatever, man.
Hey, you wanna, uh, you wanna smoke this joint? I'm good.
Hey, I saved some of the Lucky Charms in case, like, you wanted any.
You didn't have to do that.
I know.
It's just, like It's your place, you know? Well it's your place now too, sorta.
Yeah, but You were here first, so [CHUCKLES.]
What? Don't get all twisted about it.
I told Joe if he wants to fuck you, I'm okay with that.
Whatever makes Joe happy, you know? Yeah.
It's just, like it's a little weird, right? Yeah, it's a little weird.
It's definitely a first for me.
With Joe You learn pretty quick that what's weird out there ain't so weird in here.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so this is Cat Stevens.
He's got biceps tendinitis pretty bad but luckily, the laser therapy is helping, you know? You give the tiger laser therapy? Well, yes.
When you have a laser therapy machine, you might as well use it.
And they deserve it because they've been through a lot.
Can you believe there are people out there who want to hurt these majestic animals? Ugh.
Did you get the binder from Valerie Davis about big cat abuse in America? I did, yeah.
Thank you.
If you want, I can give you the highlights for your article.
- Or the lowlights.
That's okay.
I'd actually like to ask about you.
Well, I began my sanctuary from nothing, and now we have a four-star rating from Charity Navigator, which is their highest rating.
I'll wait if you want to write that down.
Oh, it's okay.
I meant you personally.
Can you tell me a little about your relationship with your ex-husband, Don Lewis? Well, he and I were still married when he disappeared, so technically, I'm his widow.
How do you feel about the rumors that you had something to do with his disappearance? I think they are bizarre and hilarious and I don't understand them because there were never any charges filed, so.
Should we get in the car and go down to the sanctuary? 'Cause I really wanna introduce you to Cat in person.
Baskin, why do you think this story has generated so much interest? I don't pay attention to what people say about me, and it was a very long time ago, so that's suspect.
You know, why now? Well, we were turned on to the story by a citizen in Oklahoma.
Okay, Gigi, the only news here is that you are being fed unsubstantiated gossip by a documented animal abuser named Joe Exotic.
Actually, I've learned some new information.
You're familiar with Anne McQueen? I am, yes.
That's Don's personal secretary.
Well, she's prepared to share a letter you wrote her.
She read me a portion of it.
"Perhaps I asked for too much, "but I had to get out of my marriage and would have eventually killed my husband to do it.
" Mm-hmm.
Would you care to comment? Um hmm.
Why don't we kick this off with you telling us in your own words what makes this zoo so special.
Damn, I feel like Johnny Carson if he was a gay redneck.
And we're rollin'! Whenever you're ready, Joe.
Folks, the all-new GW Zoo is great for kids and grown-ups alike.
We got over 200 big cats.
We got bears.
We got snakes.
You name it, we got it.
We're the number one animal park in the region, and that includes every zoo or "sanctuary," which is really just a fancy word for zoo, even though Carole Baskin thinks she's better than everybody else, when she's really just a fuckin' dragon lady you know, you can trust me over that lyin' bitch any day 'cause I did not stash my dead husband under my septic tank.
- Let's stop there.
- You're doing great, Joe.
How 'bout we focus more on what makes this park so much fun, yeah? - You got it.
- Good, good.
And we're rolling.
We got the most beautiful animals at the GW Zoo, and here, you can just come up and pet 'em.
We call that showin' them love, not abuse like Carole fuckin' Baskin says.
You wanna know about abuse? Think about Carole's poor husband having to fuck that ugly ass every night.
I think the dead husband got a better deal, don't you? Cut! You're on fire, baby! Whoo! Whoo! Let's try to leave Carole out of it.
All right, we can try that.
What about when you first started the zoo? I'd love to hear what it was like getting a park like this going in the middle of nowhere.
Well, the midnight headlight ♪ Blind you on a rainy night ♪ Steep grade up ahead ♪ Slow me down, makin' no time ♪ What'd you bring home for me? Bengal tiger, about three years old.
Gotta admit, that's not the anniversary present I was expecting.
I know.
The cops didn't know what to do with it.
They found the owner in the house.
Must've been dead about two weeks.
Can you imagine? Tiger chained up in the backyard, hungry, for two weeks? - Is he okay? - Yeah, he will be.
He's sedated now.
Just wanna move him before he wakes up.
Do your thing.
We'll celebrate when you're done.
♪ Hey, baby.
Well, hey there.
You smell fantastic.
I'll take a shower.
No, no, no I'm into the whole musky sewer thing you got goin' on.
Oh, champagne? Shit.
I knew what I was getting into when I married you.
- Oh, man.
- You want dinner? Ah, fuck it.
Let's go straight to cake.
All right.
- It's all warm now.
- Oh, well.
But it's good shit.
You got the brut.
♪ "Happy birthday, Joe"? Yeah, the bakery said they made a mistake.
Would it kill them to just write in "anniversary"? I was just happy to get out of there before they started quoting the Bible at me.
I'll get plates.
Ah, shit.
You didn't just do that to me.
♪ Don't you think you should have called ♪ Get your ass over here.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Oh, you look so out of place ♪ See they passed the law in Vermont? It's not like they legalized gay marriage, but some places that are more hospitable.
Yeah, but who the fuck wants to live in Vermont? Well we might be old and gray before the state of Oklahoma considers what we got real.
"Old and gray"? This fine-ass face is gonna get every nip and tuck on the menu.
I'm gonna keep it tight for my man.
♪ Happy anniversary, baby.
♪ I told you time and time again ♪ ♪ My heart and soul is in your hands ♪ Do you believe me now? ♪ Do you believe me now? ♪ ♪ Hello, Anne McQueen.
Anne, why did you talk about me to a reporter? Because she asked.
Anne, the letter I sent you was personal.
That wasn't meant for anyone but you.
You wrote the words, didn't you? Yes, I wrote them about my first husband, not about Don.
What's the difference? You said you wanted to kill him.
I didn't say I wanted to kill him.
I said I would kill him if I had to.
In self-defense.
And now they're twisting it, and they're making it seem like I killed Don which I did not.
I can't even believe you're here right now.
Do you know how crazy this is? Look, I know that you hate me, for whatever reason, but do you know who is behind this hit piece on me? It's an animal abuser named Joe Exotic.
And if you give the newspaper ammunition, you're just helping him and you're hurting the cats, Anne.
Who cares? [SCOFFS.]
Oh, my God She doesn't even care about the cats.
This lady doesn't even care about the cats! Enough with the cats, Carole.
I've got a roast in the oven.
Retract what you said about me to the reporter.
Are you serious right now? Anne, I'm a good person.
I'm a nice person.
I try my best.
Why why are you doing this to me? Because I think you know more about Don's disappearance than you're saying.
Well, I already filed a lawsuit against Joe Exotic, and it's no skin off my back to sue you, too.
So just know what you're stepping into.
Move your foot.
Careful with that.
- I ain't gonna blow us up.
- Whoa.
I can do this with my eyes closed.
You want me to? - No.
No, I do not.
It was cool to hear about the early days.
Yeah? When you were just starting out here.
I didn't I didn't even know that you had a husband.
Oh, yeah.
Almost 12 years.
What happened to him? Oh, he died.
- How? - Oh, he was sick.
You know, a lot of my friends back then got sick.
Did you get sick? No, I don't know why, but I never did.
That must've been really, really, really hard.
Losing him.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But you know, at the end, I didn't want him to die at the hospital, so I I loaded him up on the truck and - He's so light.
- Yeah.
I looked over at him, and he looked back at me Like he wanted to make sure I was gonna be okay.
And I guess when he was sure, he, uh just kinda let go.
'Cause he He really loved me.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
I mean no, not really.
What you mean? You ain't never been loved? [CHUCKLES.]
I mean, like, I've had people tell me that they loved me before, but if what they did to me was out of love, then, uh, I don't want that.
Sure as hell don't want that.
They hurt you? We moved around a lot when I was a kid.
And, uh, you know, we'd, like, crash at shelters and friends' places and shit.
And Shit happens, you know? I don't really I, like, hate thinking about it because it would make [BREATHING SHAKILY.]
You wanna blow some shit up? What? You wanna blow some shit up? You wanna blow some some of those fuckers up? Yeah.
- All right.
Yeah? Fuck 'em up.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Okay, let's do it.
- Squeeze it.
- There we go.
And breathe as you squeeze.
I know it isn't true ♪ Love is just a lie ♪ Made to make you blue ♪ [MUFFLED LAUGHTER.]
Love hurts ♪ [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC.]
Hey, counselor.
If you came to eat pussy, sorry to say we only let you feed 'em here.
What's got your panties in a pucker? Your countersuit against the Baskins was dismissed.
What? Why? Well, might have something to do with the fact that your lawsuit was baseless and had no legal merit whatsoever, but that's just a guess.
Sounds like the judge just declared you a shitty lawyer.
I'm shitty at many things, Joe.
Dancing, parenting, not smoking.
But the law? It's the one thing I'm very good at.
And I got news for you.
Next thing that's gonna happen is, the Baskins are gonna win this suit against you because they've got a great fucking case.
Now, if you wanna fight it, I will take your money.
But no matter how you play it, it's gonna end with you owing them a million dollars.
Joke's on them.
I ain't got it.
Well, they'll come for your assets.
That means the zoo.
Carole Baskin will take everything that belongs to you.
What if the zoo don't belong to me? [THE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION'S "BELLBOTTOMS".]
Hey, Ma, been too long.
How about dinner tonight? Just you and me.
I gave that lady a two hour tour of the sanctuary, and there's not one quote in there about the cats! It's all about Don.
"No comment" is not an evasion.
You didn't dodge her question.
You simply chose not to dignify it with an answer.
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, with journalism like that, they might as well rename themselves "The Enquirer.
" What's next, Ellen and Portia are having threesomes with aliens? Ha.
You know what we're doing? I'm going to cancel our subscription.
Howard, no, you love their arts and leisure section.
That's not fair.
God, I am so angry.
You know what I'm gonna do? [PANTING.]
What? I'm gonna write a letter to the ed I'm gonna write a strongly-worded letter to the editor.
I love when you get all riled up on my behalf.
Want me to call Sidney? Uh, no.
No lawyers.
Except maybe for Anne McQueen.
No, scratch that.
That's exactly what Joe wants.
He wants this story to go on and on so people keep talking about it.
'Cause he knows we're winning.
That's the only way he can get to us.
All right, all right.
What should we do? We will do what you do to a child who is having a tantrum.
You ignore him.
We will put this article out of our minds.
That's what I'm gonna do.
All right.
That would've been one hell of a letter to the editor.
Hey, Rick! We're ready to roll! The hell is that? It's Carole Baskin! We're gonna have some fun today.
Code red! Code red, Tiger Alley! ♪ [CROWD SCREAMING.]
Saff just put his fucking arm in the feeding cage, man.
Raja got a hold of it.
- You'll be okay.
Okay? - [SAFF GROANS.]
It's okay, Saff.
You you okay? Yeah, we gotta stop the bleeding.
Okay, you call call 911.
Okay, okay.
♪ Get in there.
Clean shot, but whatever you do, don't turn off the fucking camera.
♪ Okay.
Saff, look at me.
Okay? All right, it's gonna hurt.
Okay, just look at me.
Ready? Okay.
One, two - Three.
How long you gonna stand there? What am I supposed to say? Hmm? "Maybe the docs will save your arm"? Shit, I can't even look Saff in the eye.
All right.
I got this.
Look, I've been there.
I know what Saff's going through and I know what he needs right now.
What? The truth.
You okay? No, I'm not fuckin' okay, - I want some fuckin' Funyuns! - Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I don't wanna talk right now.
♪ How's Saff? Not good.
How are you doing? ♪ Hey.
Hey, get out of the rain.
You're gonna catch a cold, Joe.
Hey, it's okay.
Travis, it was horrible.
All that blood and I could see the bone sticking out.
- Let's get you home, okay? - No.
- C'mon, let's get you home.
- No.
- There's nothing you can do.
- No, I hate hospitals.
I hate hospitals, Travis, but I hate comin' home from a hospital more.
♪ ♪ [SOBBING.]
♪ We've fought too long ♪ Don't know me ♪ I was shakin', ain't got nobody ♪ [MUFFLED.]
Schreibvogel? [NORMAL.]
Schreibvogel? I've been trying to get in touch with you.
I'm doing a magic show next month.
I want to add an exotic animal.
Would you consider performing with me? [PENSIVE MUSIC.]
♪ That's a lot of people.
Ah, don't worry.
They'll love you.
So what's your name gonna be? Schreibvogel's a real mouthful.
Mine was too.
That's why I changed it to Johnny Magic.
Wait, you're not gonna wear that, are you? [DRUMROLL.]
♪ Hi, folks.
My name is Joe Exotic.
Who wants to see me make a tiger appear out of thin air? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
I'm alive! ♪ And I see things mighty clear today, I'm alive! ♪ [ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC.]
Baby, baby, yeah, yeah ♪ I'm alive! ♪ My love, I'm at the store.
I can only get the protein bars with the nuts.
Is that okay? Yeah, that's great.
- Okay.
- Listen.
I got some news about the lawsuit.
Joe gave up for the whole million dollars.
Howard! I know, I know, it sounds great, but before you get excited, there's a catch.
He transferred the zoo to his mother's name.
What does that mean? Well, it's clearly fraud.
I don't think it'll stand up, but it's gonna take a while for the court to investigate it.
A while? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
This man is like a cockroach.
You think you've stomped him out, but he just keeps on breeding.
I'm so sorry.
I wish I had better news.
I love you, honey.
I gotta go.
I was gonna get that.
That's my husband's favorite.
You took the last one.
I was here first.
I think I was here first, so I just was gonna Then why am I holding the vegan ravioli and you're not? Can I please have it? Okay.
You won.
Are you Are you crazy? [EXHALES.]
Here, take my husband's protein bars while you're at it.
Steal a man's pasta.
Steal a good man's pasta! [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
Hey, where are you goin'? I gotta tell you everywhere I go? The hell's that mean? Hey.
Hey! Come on, I just wanna crawl in bed and forget this fuckin' day ever happened.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You sure you want me in that bed? John.
Saff's about to lose his arm.
The zoo's on life support.
I've had enough drama for one day, okay? Okay.
You don't give a fuck about how I feel.
Got it.
What are you talkin' about? - This ain't about you! - No.
It's not fuckin' about me, is it? Everything is about what you want! - We all had a long day - Hey! - Shut the fuck up! - Hey! He did not fuck with you! Hey! [TENSE MUSIC.]
What're you doin'? You did this.
Hey, Joe.
I know today was rough.
Press is all over me.
Phone won't stop ringin'.
They all wanna talk about what happened, how the zoo is unsafe.
This is one of the worst days of my life.
And believe me, I've had some doozies.
Well, I'm about to cheer you up.
The footage from today is incredible.
I mean, like nothing I've ever seen.
Look at this.
I don't wanna see anything about today.
Just watch.
You'll see.
Look at that shot! Networks spend months in war zones lookin' for footage like that.
What's your point? Joe, I can sell this.
This is a show.
Are you back on the crack pipe? Your life is a show.
Not just today, everything that happens at this park.
You, John, and Travis.
We gotta film that! There's drama there.
It's gold! Rick, there ain't no more park.
Nobody wants to come here anymore.
You don't get it.
Once I get this on national TV, you won't be able to sell tickets fast enough.
You're gonna have to turn people away! Are you shitting me? I'm telling you! I have the connections, you have the story.
America is gonna love you.
♪ Joe, I'm gonna make you a gun-toting, animal-loving, mullet-wearing, motherfuckin' star.
♪ Well, I gotta say, that's the first time I've ever heard of anyone being banned from the supermarket.
It's not banned.
Security asked me to leave.
- Forever.
- Mm.
Was it like a scene from "Cops"? We all lose our cool sometimes.
There was a couple staring at me and whispering.
Like I didn't already know what they were saying.
You've been recognized before.
Mm-hmm, for being an animal activist.
Not some sort of female Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Nobody thinks of you like that.
This Don story is not going away, no matter how much I pray it will.
It might if you weren't a public figure.
Maybe it's time we face the reality that as long as you're the face of big cat activism, you're gonna be a target.
But if I stop, Joe wins.
All of they all win.
Well, if you stay the course, people will keep digging and digging into your personal life.
They'll never stop.
Is that what you want? You have to ask yourself, is it worth it? ♪ Hey, all you cool cats and kittens.
It's Carole Baskin at Big Cat Rescue.
I have gotten some attention recently, not of my choosing.
You may have noticed that there are some people out there who are attacking me and dragging my name through the mud in an attempt to stop the work that I've been doing.
And if you're wondering whether these attacks will cause me to pull back, the answer is simple.
I will never stop.
I will never stop.
But I would like to set the record straight so that we can focus on what's really important, which is getting Congress to pass legislation to end big cat abuse in the United States for once and for all.
So to that end, I say, I have never hurt anyone, including my former husband.
Even though he did hurt me.
I have had some very painful experiences in my life.
And throughout it all, I have actually kept a journal, which has been very helpful and which I would like to share portions of with you now.
If you want to know about me, buckle up and get comfortable, because I have nothing to hide.
I was born on June 6, 1961.
My parents had met a year or two before.
My mother had invited my dad out on a Sadie Hawkins Day, since he was too shy to make the first move.
Believe it or not, my first cat was a tabby called Tiger.
I forget if it was me who gave her the name or if it was one of my parents, but either way, this was an extraordinary bit of foreshadowing.
Why'd you bring me here, Joe? To tell you the news.
Things are gonna change around here.
Our problems are going away.
Yeah? How's that? A little something called the magic of television.
But here's the thing.
None of it matters if you're unhappy.
I know a lot's been going on, and maybe I haven't focused on you the way I should've.
So I wanna show you how much I care about you.
What do you think? Of this room? It ain't just a room.
Well, looks like a room.
Well, you gotta use your imagination.
Picture a huge-ass tank with everything your gators need.
And plenty of space, so you can get more.
A gator house.
♪ Look, I know you got something against Travis.
No, I ain't got nothin' against him.
You said you was just fuckin' him.
That's all it was.
Whatever is between me and him has nothing to do with me and you.
That's bullshit.
What do you want, John? I want us.
Like it was.
But it is the way it was, only better.
You're trying to talk your way out of it, but I don't buy it.
I ain't a kid anymore.
Well, I'm not gettin' rid of Travis, if that's what you're after, and I don't wanna lose you.
You're my world, John.
And this park is your whole world.
You work here, you live here, your friends are here.
I just want you to be happy.
You tell me what you want.
You want a new truck, you want video games, whatever it is, you got it.
'Cause nothing's more important to me than your happiness.
♪ Yeah.
So we good? Yeah.
We're good.
That's my guy.
There's one more question I wanna ask you.
♪ What do you say? [SERENE MUSIC.]
You wanna marry me? Bet your ass I do.
You and John.
Yo, what, dude? You wanna marry me and John? Hell yeah! It's gonna be a three-way wedding.
It's gonna be awesome.
Did you run that by John? Sure, he knows I want him to be happy, just like I feel about you.
Is it even legal for three people to get married? Of course not! But who cares? Fuck 'em.
I know you've been hurt by people who were supposed to take care of you.
Well, that's fuckin' over.
We're gonna make a family in this park.
And no one can say a damn thing about it.
So you want this ring or what? ♪ Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
♪ Call me the breeze ♪ I keep blowin' down the road ♪ ♪ Well now they call me the breeze ♪ I keep blowin' down the road ♪ ♪ I ain't got me nobody ♪ I don't carry me no load ♪ ♪ Ain't no change in the weather ♪ Ain't no changes in me ♪ ♪ Well there ain't no change in the weather ♪ Ain't no changes in me ♪ ♪ And I ain't hidin' from nobody ♪ Nobody's hidin' from me ♪ ♪ Oh, that's the way it's supposed to be ♪ ♪ Well I got that green light, baby ♪ I got to keep ♪
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