Joey s02e11 Episode Script

Hey, guys.
Long day, huh? Brutal, Mr.
Tribbiani.
You guys wanna run across the street to Reilly's, grab a quick beer? Sorry, we're just crew guys.
I mean, that place is a little fancy for us.
Really? Because beers are only, like, $22 over there.
Movie sets are so weird.
In TV, I'd always hang with the crew guys.
That was my favorite part of the job.
You know what? I'm a crew guy, maybe I'll put in a good word.
That'd be great.
Let them know I'm a regular guy, just like them.
Yeah, no problem.
Hey, Zach, Craft Service.
This is my friend Joey.
He does not think he's better than you just because he's the big star and you're nothing more than a bump on a flea's ass around here.
I'm getting the feeling there's something about you they really don't like.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
Oh, some friend of yours from high school called.
Jimmy Costa? Jimmy Costa? Yeah, he's stopping by tomorrow.
- That guy is dead to me.
- That doesn't mean anything.
You say that all the time.
Like last week when I lost the remote.
I'm sorry, Alex, did someone say something? - So who is this Jimmy guy? - He's a guy I grew up with, okay? He was really cool.
Everybody liked him.
He was smart, great athlete, popular, and he was my best friend.
Okay, then one day, out of nowhere he decides he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
We never spoke again.
I will never forget losing my best friend, Kelly Noonan, to this bitch, Maggie Tibbits.
When we were 10, we went out for Halloween as Hansel and Gretel and Maggie was a princess or something.
And the next year Kelly and Maggie went as fries and a shake, and I was C-3PO.
It's like every great memory I have of growing up, he's in, you know? Like, we played sports together, we pulled all these classic pranks.
Like, we used to call my dad at work and tell him that I'd been kidnapped and demand a ransom.
He was such a cheapskate.
I mean, I'm worth 35 bucks, right? - Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun.
- Tons of fun.
I mean, we hit on all these girls together except for each other's sisters.
That was our code.
Okay, which was really hard because his sisters were hot and my sisters were slutty.
What? I'm not gonna high-five that.
Okay, I may have just made an offensive comment about your aunts and mother, but you never leave me hanging.
Okay, whatever.
This Costa guy's stopping by tomorrow afternoon, just so you know.
- Costa? Jimmy Costa? - Yeah.
You believe the nerve of that guy coming here after all these years? Gina, you look upset.
Do you wanna talk about something? - Oh, I don't really wanna get into it.
- Hey, come on.
I told you my feelings for Joey.
I think we can trust each other.
Okay, fine.
- Get out of here.
- What? I'm just gonna finish You're so annoying.
God.
So, what? What's going on? This Jimmy Costa guy, I'm the reason he stopped hanging out with Joey.
I always felt horrible, but it was a very complicated - You slept with him.
- So many times.
We had this intense sexual chemistry.
We both knew Joey would be upset but every time that we'd try to break it to him, we'd fall back into bed together.
Really? You ever have that with someone? Just this This hot raw, animal connection.
When you lock eyes, you burn for their touch.
Alex do you burn to be touched? Don't do that! My sexuality is not a toy.
Hey, man.
Do you wanna go join us for some chocolate milk? You know, chocolate milk.
- We gotta be careful what we say.
- Yeah, guys on the next stage got busted.
Oh, I gotcha.
But I'm sorry, that's not my scene.
I get high on life and drinking.
Hey, I got some of that chocolate milk my cousin brought back from Hawaii.
All right, let's drink up.
Hey, guys.
Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.
- You were talking about chocolate milk? - Yeah.
I used to love chocolate milk.
It'd put me in a good mood, you know? Have some chocolate milk, watch some cartoons.
Totally.
Hey, you wanna join us behind the stage for some? I'd love to, but I gotta go shoot this next scene, so I'll tell you what, as soon as I'm done, I'm gonna have chocolate milk.
- You guys got me thinking about it.
- Planted the seed, so to speak.
Exactly.
Hey, dude, we should share a glass sometime soon, huh? Heck, with three of us, we might as well have a bowl.
Sounds good.
- That guy's cooler than I thought.
- Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
- Hey, what's up? - I'm waiting for Jimmy Costa to get here.
If he came all this way, I at least wanna hear an explanation.
No, you can't talk to Jimmy.
You gotta get out of here right now.
- Go to Alex's.
- Why? Why? Because Alex is in love with you and she wants to talk to you about it right now.
- What? - What? No, that was a joke.
It's the Gina Tribbiani Comedy Hour.
She'll be here all week.
Okay.
Here goes.
- Hey, Joey.
It's been a long time.
- Yes, it has.
Last time I was to see you, you stood me up for a date with the McFadden sisters.
I had to buy a pizza for three and sleep with both of them, so thanks a lot.
Hey, Gina, you look good.
Thanks.
You look homeless.
What happened? The '90s were tough on everyone.
A lot of people lost money in the dot-com boom.
You know, I I drank myself blind and robbed a McDonald's.
So, what are you doing here? I quit drinking, like, six months ago.
And I'm trying to make amends for some of the mistakes I made in my life and one of the big ones was how I treated you.
And I just wanna talk about it.
Jimmy, I need to talk to you for a second.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Joey doesn't know we slept together.
You never told him after all these years? Your breasts always been like that? - Took you long enough to notice.
- Look, Gina.
I've gotta tell him.
You can't, he's gonna freak.
He's gonna blame me for losing you as a friend.
- This ain't about you.
- You're not telling him.
- Who are you to tell me what to do, huh? - I haven't seen you for 20 years.
You haven't changed one bit.
You're the same selfish, self-centered jerk.
- Oh, man, when you get angry - Don't you look at me with those eyes.
Hey, hey! - What the hell's going on in here? - All right, Joey.
Look, 20 years ago, Gina and I slept together, all right? I violated the code, I felt ashamed.
That's why I stopped calling you.
Well, I can expect this from Gina.
But you? We had a pact, man.
If I hadn't slept with your half sister and got a weird back rub from your mom, I would strangle you right now.
- Hey.
- It's Joey, man.
We're cool.
Dude, where were you five minutes ago? - We're out of chocolate milk.
- No worries, I just had all I can handle.
I've got some bad stuff going on at home and usually it makes me feel better.
You and me both.
- Dude, you got some big hands.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Never really looked at my hands before.
- Each finger's so different.
- Yeah, and there's so many of them.
Hey, man, when I was a kid I would start every day with chocolate milk.
My mom would have it waiting for me and then I would just chow down a huge breakfast.
- Your mom? - That is too cool.
Yeah, she was cool.
I need to call her and tell her how cool she was.
Hey, what if she dies before I get a chance to tell her that? That's real heavy, man.
- What's going on? - I was just talking about Joey's mom.
They want you in makeup.
- Dude, be cool.
- I'm trying.
Oh, great, you two are back.
Look, Joey, I'm really sorry for what we did back then and I'm sorry we didn't tell you.
And Jimmy has something he wants to tell you too.
Just give him a chance.
Joey, I got Vice-Principal Tannis on the phone.
He's still alive.
And I need my prank buddy to seal the deal.
This is the New York Police Department.
I'm sleeping with your wife: Hey, classic! - Man, I missed that.
- I know, me too.
I'm sorry, man.
You know what? It was a long time ago.
So we're okay? Yeah.
Come here.
Come on.
So, Jimmy, how come? I was such a star in high school and I ended up such a huge failure? I guess high school and the real world are just different, you know? - I don't have what it takes to make it.
- That's crazy.
You're, like, the smartest guy I've ever met.
I think what you meant to say was Jimmy was the smartest guy you've ever met.
No, no, no, Michael.
You're smart, but you're not "Jimmy" smart.
Excuse me? Here, I'll show you.
Ask him a question.
Anything.
- Let's not do this.
- No, no, no, go ahead.
What do you call 60 atoms of pure carbon in a structure that resembles a geodesic dome? A buckyball.
- That's right.
- My boy got geodesic on you.
All right, Jimmy, you give him one.
All right.
Name the inert gases.
In order of ascending atomic weight: Helium, neon, argon, krypton, xenon, radon.
Oh, no, he did not just do it in order of whatever.
Okay, tiebreaker.
- All right.
- You choose.
- First one to solve number four.
- Number four.
You ready? That's weird, they have, like, all the same mannerisms.
Hey, how long ago did you sleep with Jimmy? Twenty-two years ago.
- And how old is Michael? - He'll be 22 in nine months.
Oh, man, I need some chocolate milk.
Jimmy is Michael's father? Gina, how come you never told anybody this? Look, God, Jimmy and I were never serious.
I figured I'd tell Michael sometime down the line but then I found out that Jimmy's life fell apart and Michael and I were doing fine.
I figured, what's the point? Well, he's here now, okay? And I think you've kept this secret long enough.
Besides, they're gonna figure it out eventually.
- You think so? - I figured it out.
Oh, God.
Let's get in there.
Your math is all wrong.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm not wrong, okay? You're wrong.
- Screw you, you arrogant little bastard.
- What? You're the arrogant bastard.
- Hey, you know what? - You know what? - Forget it.
- Forget it.
What a mess.
And they're both wrong.
You can't add "x" to anything, it's a letter.
With all this arguing, I just wanna stop feeling.
Good move, pitting them against each other.
I wouldn't have done it if you told me that Jimmy was Michael's father.
- You didn't ask.
- I'm supposed to ask if every guy I see is Michael's father? Dad used to.
I've chickened out the last hundred times I've tried to tell him about Jimmy.
And now it's gonna be even harder.
I don't think I'm up for it.
All right, well, how about if I help you, huh? We'll talk to him together after he cools off.
- You'd do that? - Come on.
Between your bony back and Jimmy I can see where Michael gets his bird-like body.
- Jimmy, what are you doing here? - Joey said I could stay here, so I'm meeting him and Michael.
We need to have a private conversation.
- I gotta ask you to take off.
- What about? - I just told you, it's private.
- I asked what it was about! What the hell's wrong with you? - Oh, the anger.
- Oh, those eyes.
What did you and Mom wanna talk about? You know what? You'll find out soon.
It's important that we do this the right way, okay? Okay.
- What is the matter with you two? - Enough.
Get out of here.
Prude.
What is going on? I guess now is as good a time as any.
Come on, let's be honest, there would be better times, but just go.
I told you I never knew who your father was.
I actually do.
You do? Michael, it's Jimmy.
What? That guy? - That's impossible.
- Come on, Michael, think about it.
You're both really smart, you're both intense and look at your bony bodies.
Buddy, you're like a couple of bony bird boys.
That's where I get that from? What, I've waited this long to find out and he's what I get? I mean, does he know? No.
Don't tell him.
I don't want anything to do with that guy.
He's a loser.
A loser? Michael, he's been in town for, like, a day and he's already getting some.
All right, that was a bad one, but you gotta do it.
Hey.
Hey, what are you guys doing here? Joey, we're all here because we're worried about your career.
And because we're worried about you as friends.
Yeah, that's why I'm here.
What are you talking about? Joey, everybody's talking about you on the set, hanging out with those guys.
Now, we know that you've been having a lot of chocolate milk.
So? What's the big deal? Look, Joey, you wanna act like this isn't a problem but you're thinking about it right now, aren't you? - How many times have you had it today? - Once.
Look at me.
- Four times.
- Oh, Joey.
Well, I just wanted to be friends with those guys.
I wanted them to accept me.
If they can't accept you for who you are, they're not your friends.
I know.
I thought I could keep it under control, okay, but I can't.
I wake up in the middle of the night craving it.
L What? I stole money from Michael to get some.
You know what? I'm just gonna get rid of it.
There you go, I'll dispose of it.
When was your first time? Kindergarten.
Yeah, me too.
Hey.
How you doing? - I'm all right.
- Listen, Jimmy got a lead on a job.
He's gonna be leaving here in a few minutes.
- I think you ought to talk to him.
- Why? I don't know, he's your dad.
Aren't you curious about where you came from? Maybe there's some diseases in your family you need to know about.
That thing on your neck, it doesn't look good, Michael.
Look, you know, I've made it this far without him.
- I think I'll be okay.
- But there's more, okay? He could give you advice, he could teach you about life.
- I don't need that.
- Everybody needs that.
Well, you do that for me.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
When? This just came up.
Well, I'm glad you think of me that way, okay? And I'm gonna give you some advice right now.
Listen, talk to Jimmy.
I'm not saying you should have a relationship with him.
That's up to you.
You don't even have to tell him he's your father.
Just don't let him leave here without talking to him.
Just get your foot in the door.
- All right, buddy, I'm out of here.
- Hey, great seeing you, huh? Yeah.
- Don't let it be another 20 years.
- I gotta tell you I'm so glad you, me and Gina worked this out.
- It's really a load off my mind.
- Yeah.
Michael.
Sorry I lost it when we were doing that physics problem.
I tend to get pretty competitive, so Yeah, I'm actually sorry too.
You know, I get competitive myself so Have you? Have you always been like that or? Yeah, pretty much with everything: School, sports, yeah.
Joey was telling me you were some big athlete.
- I played basketball, a little baseball.
- I was pretty athletic, myself.
I was a football cheerleader.
Those guys could throw me really high.
- So I get the whole jock thing so - Yeah.
It's been a while since there was anybody I could talk math with.
- Yeah, it was fun.
- I'll tell you what if you have any tough problems you need to bounce off somebody, give me a call.
Yeah.
I don't need this.
No? No, I can instantly memorize digits up to 15 numbers.
That's funny, so can I.
He could've gotten that from our side of the family.
Gotten what? I don't know, I don't remember.
All right, I'm leaving, everybody.
All right.
Bye, baby.
Hey, wait, wait.
Let me get Let me get a picture of you guys.
- Get in there.
- All right.
- Take another.
Jimmy's eyes were closed.
- No, they weren't.
Oh, so now you're a liar? I'll tell you what else I am.
No, no.
Sorry.
Go, go, go.
See you later.
Hey, dude, Chris ratted us out and we caused some major heat.
It turned into this big thing.
She threatened to call the cops on us.
It got really rough for me too.
I am off the stuff.
Man, good for you going cold turkey.
Well, I'm not really going cold turkey.
I'm gonna - I'm switching to strawberry milk.
- Get out of here.
That stuff's intense.
Where'd you even get it? I don't know.
My sister got me, like, a whole big can of it a while ago.
A whole can? And not only that, she got me a pack of crazy straws.
I don't even know what that is.
Okay, get ready because tomorrow morning, I am gonna blow your minds.
Okay? - All right.
- Sweet.