Johnny Bravo (1997) s01e01 Episode Script

1
1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby!
Sassy!
Studly.
Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me! Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Oh! Uh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education
a loaf of bread,
container of milk,
stick of butter.
A loaf of bread,
container of milk,
stick of butter.
Johnny! Hey,
Johnny bravo!
A loaf of milk,
a stick of bread,
a container of butter.
Gee, Johnny,
I'm so glad
you came all the
way to my school
just to see me.
Sorry, kid, I'm actually
on my way to pick up
some groceries
for momma, all right?
Now, where was I?
A loaf of butter,
a stick of milk
All my friends are
dying to meet you,
especially
my teacher--
miss babé.
Miss babe.
And I could get you
into my class.
If you wanted to
meet her, that is.
I guess I could get
momma's loaf of
buttermilk later.
Good. Since today's
show and tell day,
you can be
my subject.
What do I have to do?
Just be
your dreamy self
and let me show you
and tell about you.
Hey, do I look ok?
And then my cat
coughed up this thing
that kind of looks
like George Washington.
Eeeewwww!
Next up is
little Suzy.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the world's
greatest superhero:
Bravoman!
All: Oooh!
A real superhero!
Hey, what are all
these kids doing here?
Oh! Oh, boy!
Oh, wow!
Now look here, kids,
I'm not exactly
a real superhero.
Sure, you're not.
I've got a real thing for
big, strong superheroes.
Wanna see me comb
my hair really fast?
Hyah! Ha! Ho!
Class: Oh, boy!
Help! The bank
is being robbed!
Is anyone here
a superhero?
Cool! The bank
is being robbed!
Yeah! Now bravoman
can go smash the bad guy
with his bravo powers.
Oh, you will pay
for this.
[Siren]
Uh, look, folks,
you're gonna have
to step back.
There's a robbery
going on in there.
Yes, sir.
No problem, officer.
Officer, this is
bravoman.
He's a superhero,
and he's here to
stop the bad guys.
Yay!
You hear that,
fellas?
There's a
superhero here.
Hey! Let's go get
some doughnuts!
Yaaaaay!
I just found out
who the bad guy is.
It's sweetcheeks,
the candy-powered
villain!
I just love a man
who stands up to
super-villains.
Stand back, everybody!
Huh!
Bravoman is here.
[Cheering]
All right, hold it,
hold it, you.
Drop--
kids: Yay!
Wow!
Did you
see the way bravoman
just let
sweetcheeks think
he was getting away?
You know,
you can stop now.
I already got an "a"
on my project.
That was very brave.
I'm gonna get you
an "a-plus".
[Laughing]
What Joy it brings me
to rob and steal,
and generally do evil.
Now look here,
mister--
don't force me to
whip you right here.
How about I
whip you?
With my
licorice whip?
Aah!
Oh, good golly.
Cool! Sweetcheeks
tied up bravoman!
Yeah! But bravoman
totally escaped.
[Cheering]
By stealing all
the children's candy,
I shall have total control
over their snack time.
Ok, candy boy.
I didn't want it
to have to come
to this, but--
hoo-wah!
Aaaaah!
[Crash]
Man, it's dark in here.
[Echo]
Dark in here,
dark in here.
Hey, Johnny,
I have a plan.
I lure sweetcheeks
over to this hole,
and you can beat him up.
[Crunching]
[Crunch crunch]
Excuse me, sir,
aren't you the evil
villain sweetcheeks?
I'll bet you're
terribly frightened
of me, aren't you?
Yes, sir, I am.
But it would really scare me
if you'd just back up a bit
towards that manhole.
Very well, hee hee!
Ho ho! Ha ha ha!
Oh, man.
Now's my chance.
I can catch sweetcheeks.
[Rat bites]
Aaaaah!
Whooooooaaaaah!
[Crash]
Aw, man, that does it!
This is my favorite shirt.
I gotta go wash up.
Aaaah!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
As a token of my extreme hatred
for all people in the world,
I shall change this child
into a large chocolate bunny!
Aaaah!
With a caramel
center?
With an exceptionally
large caramel center!
Aaaah!
This thing ought to wash me up
pretty good.
Bravoman,
come quick!
Sweetcheeks
got little Suzy!
Uhh! What'd you say?
Ooh!
Aaaah!
[Screaming]
Whoa! Aah! Aah!
Aaaaaah!
Are you ok?
I sure am--
thanks to bravoman.
Aaaaaah!
I'm melting!
Oh, what a world!
What a world!
Bravoman saved us!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
[Johnny screaming]
Oof!
All: Wow!
Bravoman's the greatest!
Man, these kids
are smart.
Pretty impressive
superheroing,
wouldn't you say,
miss babe?
Babé.
Whatever.
How's about me
and you go off
and pick me out
a new costume?
Huh!
Oh, well, uh,
you're wonderful
and all,
but I already
have a boyfriend.
I'll bet he's no
bravoman, huh?
Hyah!
Right again,
bravoman.
Kid: Hey!
It's pretty boy!
Pretty boy
Ready, sweetie?
Oooh!
Pretty boy,
looking gooooood!
Don't worry, bravoman.
You'll always have me.
Use your heat vision!
Use your heat vision!
On which one?
Narrator: When flying
across the ocean,
there are only two ways
to fly:
First class
And no class.
Actually, lady,
on some airlines
it's a compliment
to be called
an air waitress.
Ooh!
Man, them air waitresses
sure are testy.
Huh! Uhh! Ooh!
Aaah!
Ow. That hurts.
[Humming]
Whoooaaaah!
Uhh!
Aaaaaah!
Aah!
LA da di di da
look out, kid!
Oh!
Ow!
That guy broke my leg!
Hey! He hurt
jungle boy!
Somebody needs
to do something.
Yeah. We can't let him
get away with that.
Hello! I'm poisonous.
Ok, Phil, we know
you're poisonous.
I am!
Like, once, I bit my tongue
and I passed out for,
like, 3 days.
Everybody
who's poisonous,
raise your arms
and hands high.
I guess none of us
is poisonous, are we?
Well, I might be.
Who are you to say
who's poisonous
and who's not?
Yeah,
poison this.
[Fighting]
Uh, hi, there.
Do you guys know where
I can find a phone?
Get him!
What the heck are you
so mad about?
I'm not doing anything.
Well, it looks like man
has gone mad in the jungle,
this time in the form of
a tall, blond stranger
named Johnny bravo.
The animals have formed
a militia to capture
this Johnny bravo
and bring him
to his final justice.
Excellent.
If I can make the animals
hate this blond oaf,
they will see jungle boy
as a tiny version of
the oaf that hurt them.
An oaflet, if you will.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
We will not let this man escape,
but be warned!
He is armed and dangerous!
He has a gun?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I meant to say he's dangerous
and has arms.
Oh, ouch.
Rub it in my face,
why don't you?
All I have to do is capture
this Johnny bravo,
and the animals will adore me.
I will be the ape that captured
the man that hurt jungle boy.
Hey--
wait a minute.
This is a bear trap.
I ain't no bear.
Oh, wait, sorry.
That one's mine.
Yeeeeooooow!
Okey-dokey.
Ostrich:
Hey, look, guys.
He trapped Louis
in a trap.
Well, that was
redundant.
Get him!
Oh, momma!
Prepare to die,
you hairless ape!
Hey, you're the jerk
who hurt jungle boy!
Hyah! Ha! Huh!
Hyah!
Take that, magilla.
Mommy.
[Crash]
[Muffled groans]
Well, I don't think
there's a human alive
stupid enough to be
caught like this,
but, uh, I'm running
out of ideas.
Oh, pretty
little momma.
The new vendela
calendar, ahh.
Hey, who turned out
the lights?
I did it.
I did it!
I captured
the man!
Ahh ha ha ha ha!
You know,
something tells me
I should be feeling
really stupid right now.
We're not actually
gonna eat him,
are we?
Well, personally,
I can't stand
humans,
unless we're making
people jerky.
I love people jerky.
Hey, what do you say
you let me out of here
and I'll order you all
some pizza?
Mmm, pizza!
Let me at it!
I like crispy crust.
Will you idiots stop it?
We have to cook and eat
Johnny bravo
to let man's world know
they're not welcome here.
Animals:
Yeah! Let's cook him
and eat him!
Jungle boy: Hey!
Wait a second!
You didn't mean
to hurt anybody,
did you,
Mr. Johnny?
Of course not,
little kid.
I wouldn't
hurt a fly.
It's a lie.
It's a lie!
I think we should
let him go.
His mommy probably
misses him.
Well, if jungle boy says
we should let him go,
we should let him go.
Animals: Yeah.
Forget it, you big
bunch of baboons!
You come anywhere
near my prisoner,
and I'll snap him
like a twig!
Hey, don't hurt
my hair, man.
Mr. monkey man,
don't be rude.
Get him! Get him!
[Snap]
Ow! Ooh! Ow!
[Muffled words]
What the--
I'm poisonous, ha ha!
Curse you,
you poisonous
[Crash]
Who's the man?
Who's the man?
I told you I was poisonous!
Well, it looks
like the day's
been saved again
thanks to
jungle boy.
Hey!
I was the one
that poisoned him!
So how does it feel
having saved the jungle
and making
a new friend?
I'm just glad
he's ok.
What about my needs?
And you,
Mr. Johnny bravo,
how do you feel?
Hyah! Hungry.
Hey, kid, what do
you say we go grab
ourselves some chow?
[Snap]
Hey! My arm!
What?
What?
Announcer: Hello, Johnny!
It's activity time!
There's a rhino hiding
somewhere in this room.
Can you find him
before the kids at home do?
Hey, no problem.
Excuse me.
Time's up.
Ha ha ha!
I'm right here,
you big dumb jerk!
Hey buddy--
you seen any rhinos
around here?
Narrator: The woods--
pure. Clean.
A place where animals
roam freely
and the average man can get
in touch with nature.
A world of peace and quiet.
Johnny: Ow! Momma!
Watch it, will ya?
These things are
itchy.
Now keep still, dear.
Just one more pine cone,
and you'll have
the perfect outdoor
leisure suit.
Back in a flash.
Whoo! This is so much fun.
For you, maybe.
[Crickets chirping]
Okey-dokey.
Any day now, momma.
Ok.
[Wolf howls]
Momma!
I'm coming, momma!
Momma?
Momma?
Hyah!
Yeah, that's the stuff.
Pretty boy!
Maybe she went into
this cave to get away
from the coyotes.
[Crash]
[Cuckoo clocks go off]
Noooooooooooo!
My clocks!
The time! The time!
What are you doing
in my cave, son?
Didn't you see
the signs?
It says, "stay out!"
No. It says "do not enter
without--"
shut up, kid!
I know what it says.
You have any idea
who I am?
Uh, a bear in the woods?
Of course I'm a bear
in the woods!
But I'm not just
any bear.
I am chronos,
master of all time!
[Thunder]
Good for you.
You know, I was just
looking for my momma,
and I should be--
[grrr]
Man!
Have you smelled yourself?
You fool!
Don't you understand
what I'm telling you?
I control all time!
Here, I'll prove it
to you.
Operator: At the tone,
the time will be
exactly 8:35
and 3 seconds.
You're wrong! It's 8:36
and 12 seconds!
See?
I'm chronos,
master of all time!
[Thunder]
Do you know
what my favorite
magazine is?
Young bride?
No. It's tyme.
Someday, I'm going
to be on the cover.
I'm happy for you
and all, mister,
but I gotta--
where do you think
you're going?
You're in big
trouble, kid.
You woke me up early
from my hibernation.
No, I didn't.
You see that clock?
It's midnight.
That's a vcr, kid.
Not even I, chronos,
master of all time,
can set one of those things.
What are you doing?
I'm afraid I'm going to
have to eat you, kid.
Uh, you don't want
to eat me, bear.
See, I'm too pretty
to eat.
You don't
understand, kid.
I'm hungry. I haven't
eaten in 6 months.
Ever try that, son?
No.
Being master
of all time,
I must strictly
adhere to my set
schedule.
Am I reaching you, kid?
No.
See this?
This is my yearly
calendar--
sleep and eat,
eat and sleep.
Am I sleeping?
Nope.
Well, then,
guess who's coming
to dinner?
Wait a minute, man,
what if I could get you
back to sleep?
Son, my eyelids are
impeccably timed with
the vernal equinox.
Meaning?
It's impossible.
What do you say
you give me a shot, huh?
I mean, what have you
got to lose?
You've got exactly
[Beep]
20 minutes.
[Beep]
Johnny:
You're getting sleepy,
sleepy
[Yawn]
Sleepy.
[Snores]
[Roars]
Not working!
Besides,
this darn watch
is 37 seconds off.
[Beep]
Announcer:
Welcome to the tree channel--
all the excitement of trees,
24 hours a day!
The birch tree is
of the genus betula,
and has a smooth,
laminated outer bark
over a close-grained wood.
[Snoring]
[Beep beep beep]
[Alarm clocks ringing]
That's it, kid.
Time's up.
No, it isn't.
I still have
12 minutes left.
That's the vcr,
you imbecile!
I really have to learn
how to set that clock.
[Panting]
Aw, man. I think
I ditched him.
Here's Johnny!
Uh, I'm Johnny.
Hey, I'm chronos.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, Johnny.
Hi, momma!
Hello, Mr. bear.
Good morning,
ma'am.
Oof!
Hyah! Hee! Ha! Ho!
Is that supposed
to intimidate me, kid?
Aah!
Hey, smokey,
these hands are registered
as lethal weapons.
[Chuckles]
Really?
[Trees fall]
[Momma singing lullaby]
Chronos:
That voice.
LA LA LA
so melodious.
I can't stay awake.
[Snoring]
MeEither.
[Snoring]
[Singing]
Oh, isn't that
just darling?
I should put
those boys to bed.
Night-night,
you little dears.
Aw, man.
It's gonna be a looooong winter.
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education
captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.