Justice League Action (2016) s01e08 Episode Script

Galaxy Jest

(JOKER LAUGHING ) (TIRES SCREECHING) (ENGINE REVVING) (TIRES SCREECHING) (JOKER LAUGHING ) The clock is ticking.
(GASPS) (TIRES SCREECHING) (CRASH) (GRUNTING) Parking is such a pain in this city.
Your too late Batman! The Gut Buster blows at midnight.
(WIRRING) Good thing I didn't wear a skirt.
(LAUGHS) Batman to Justice League.
The Joker just left city limits.
SUPERMAN: You were hot on his tail.
How did he get away? While in pursuit, there was an abduction.
Of the extra-terrestrial kind.
Gotham's most notorious criminal may be an alien science experiment right now? Justice served.
I'm going to try and locate him on the galactic map.
A bomb containing 50,000 tons of super laughing gas is hidden somewhere in Gotham City.
Joker is the only one who knows its location.
(JOKER LAUGHING) Many thanks for facilitating my escape, kind alien brute Sir.
I am Mongul of War World.
A vibrant cultural epicenter worth visiting, I'm sure.
But if you wouldn't mind dropping me off at the abandoned amusement park, three miles south of Arkham (GASPS) I am Emperor Mongul.
(GRUNTING) (PEOPLE SHOUTING) So, what can I do for you, Your Heinousness? (CHUCKLING) You are Joker of Planet Earth.
(IMITATING MONGUL) I am Joker of Earth.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) This is fun.
Make warriors laugh or suffer.
Eh, when you say "suffer," you mean of embarrassment, right? BATMAN: (OVER COMMUNICATOR) I've uploaded Joker's last coordinates.
Received and triangulated.
Let's jet.
We've less than one hour to bag our buffoon.
I called in backup.
We need to cover more ground.
Faster.
On the job, Batman.
JOKER: Good evening, ladies and germs.
(CHUCKLING) Why don't alien invaders eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
(LAUGHING) (COUGHING) But on with our show.
What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod.
(LAUGHING) I did Oh, yeah.
Aquaman doesn't care for that one either.
An alien walks into a doctor's office with a duck on his head.
Doctor says, "Can I help you?" Duck says, "Yeah, get this alien off my butt.
" Hey folks, what's the deal with Batman's gadgets, huh? I mean, Batarangs, Bat cars, Bat-signals.
Dude, we get it.
You love bats.
And what's the deal with superhero names? I mean Superman, Wonder Woman? You don't see me calling myself Awesome Joker.
What would you find in Superman's lavatory? The Super Bowl.
(LAUGHTER) (JOKER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) (SHOUTING) Yuck! Trust me, brother, it ain't my idea of yuks either.
Warriors not laughing.
Well, if you feel you're ready for that kind of zinger, shake on it.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) (MONGUL SCREAMING) (GROANING) (GASPING) (LAUGHING) (SCREAMING) If anyone wants my autograph, I'll be in my dressing room.
You will be in space! Flash, I need an update.
Nope.
Uh-uh.
Nothing here.
Keep checking.
Lives are at stake.
This is no joke.
I won't be able to breathe! (ALARM BLARING) (GASPING) Please be enemies.
Mongul.
We can settle our business later.
(MONGUL GRUNTING) Wonder Woman, I have Joker.
Rendezvous at the docking bay.
Clearing the path.
Be there soon.
(BOTH GRUNTING) Mongul! I'm not here to fight.
You! (SCREAMING) What! All right.
Have it your way.
Go, Superman.
Yuck! (GUNFIRE) Perimeter secured.
Superman, do you copy? (BOTH GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) Come on, Joker.
We need to get you back (GRUNTS) (GROANS) (ALL SNEERING) Can we just skip to the part where I thrash you all? (ALL EXCLAIMING) I'm going to take that as a no.
(GRUNTING) (GROANING) (LAUGHING) ALL: Huh? (GRUNTS) I bring you Superman.
I've checked every location over a hundred times, Batman, literally.
Check again.
We're running out of time.
ALL: (CHEERING) Fight! Fight! - SUPERMAN: The engine room.
- CROWD: (CHANTING) Fight! Fight! (CROWD CONTINUES TO CHANT) Goodbye, Superman.
(SHOUTING) (GRUNTS) (SUPERMAN GRUNTING) (CROWD SCREAMING) Joker.
The first rule of live comedy, always leave them wanting more.
Now, however do you operate this? - (GASPS) - All buckled in? Good! FLASH: Batman.
Five minutes until midnight.
The Gut Buster blows at midnight.
The Joker told me when and where.
BATMAN: Joker's bomb is at the stroke of midnight.
It's inside the clock tower.
(EXCLAIMS) Got me.
(TIRES SCREECHING) In position.
(WHIP CRACKLES) (TICKING) (TIMER TICKING) It's too late.
Maybe I can minimize the blast radius.
(EXPLOSION) That's my cue.
(WHIRRING) Superman.
Now! (SNICKERS) (SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER) I know we've had our differences, but I want to let you know.
I'm available for the Justice League holiday (GROANS) (SIREN BLARING) (COUGHS) What did you do with the gas? I gave it to someone who needed a good laugh.
(ALL LAUGHING TOGETHER) Hey, Superman.
(LAUGHING) I really hate Superman.
I really, really hate (LAUGHING)