Justice League Action (2016) s01e43 Episode Script

It'll Take a Miracle

1 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the Silver Dust Lounge and Casino requests you refrain using flash photography and asks for your complete silence during this perilous stunt.
(MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: Will he survive, or will he be electrocuted by this tank full of eels as his lungs fill with water and he gasps his final desparate breath? Whatever the case, it'll take A miracle! (CLAPPING) BATMAN: Impressive.
Can we talk? For a fan? Any Oh, great.
A Batman-themed magician, just what this town needed.
I am Batman.
I know.
I get it.
You realize you'll be competing with the Shazam-themed magician at the Desert Empress, right? You're coming with me.
To Apokolips.
I'm sorry, sometimes this mask impedes my hearing, but I guess you know that.
You said Albuquerque? Apokolips.
No! No, no no! You do not want to go to Apokolips, believe me.
It's my hometown planet I left for a reason.
I don't have time to argue.
Good, me either.
I have to be across town to open for that hack Zatanna.
You still use a boomerang? (SCOFFS) Rookie.
Ta-da! I'm a master of escape.
You didn't think a little rope was going to hold me, did you? You won't get away that easily.
(THUMPING) You grabbed my cape? There's a cape code! What about the cape code? (GROANS) I sense a lot of hostility here.
Have you thought of yoga? Correction, you had me.
Sorry to leave in a hurry, but I have a show to start! (BEEPING) And five minutes to spare.
Batman thinks he can catch me.
(GRUNTS) (GROANS) Huh, would you look at that? Sorry, Bats.
No one can catch Mr.
Miracle! WOMAN: Oh, I don't know about that.
MIRACLE: Granny? You're looking well.
For an evil, elderly person.
I told Darkseid I would handle it.
You have.
We'll take it from here.
I don't think so.
(GRUNTS) Now that's what I call an entrance! (GROANS) (GROANS) (GRUNTS) And now for the escape.
Follow me, Bats.
You've been very, very bad.
Granny's gonna need to teach you both a lesson.
MIRACLE: Oh! Oh, the agony.
Oh, oh! The pain! (MR.
MIRACLE GRUNTS) (WHIP CRACKING) (GRUNTS) (GROANS) And that's what we call Entertainment! (CHEERING) Wow, they loved me.
Take that, Zatanna! You'll never escape us, Scottie.
I beg to differ! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Spread out.
He has to be nearby.
(YELPS) How did you know? I don't have to be the world's greatest detective to know there was no way you were going to leave a standing ovation.
I know! They loved me! You should join me on stage every night.
Miracle and his pal, Batman.
80-20 split? Fine! 70-30.
But just because I like you.
Listen, enough games.
Darkseid has a hostage and she's finished unless I bring you to him.
It's not even me they're after.
What is it? The last part of the Anti-Life Equation.
The missing key to Darkseid's Life-Void Machine.
It's a brutal weapon of insurmountable power, capable of stretching across galaxies and vaporizing any and all sentient thought.
Leaving only mindless shells controlled by Darkseid himself.
If Darkseid gets his hands on this, the world as we know it will just Without it, I can't save Barda.
That's who Darkseid has.
Barda? As in Big Barda? Yes, do you know her? Know her? She's my girlfriend! BATMAN: Darkseid, this is Batman.
I have Mr.
Barda! Oh, so it's gonna be like that.
My prodigal son returns.
- Son? - Adopted.
Long story.
Dad! It's great to see you! You look good.
Have you been working out? Your chest feels Stonier than usual.
You could have ruled by my side.
But instead you chose to run away.
Well, maybe if someone spent as much time with me as he did with Kalibak, I would have stuck around.
Enough prattling.
Give me the piece of the Anti-Life Equation you stole.
Once I place it in the machine, the universe will bow before the will of Darkseid.
You mean this? Or this? My mother box! (SCREAMS) ¡Adiós, padre! (LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) You could have boom tubed us out of here instead.
Please, where's the razzle-dazzle in that? Besides, we have to destroy that machine! (GROANS) (GROANS) (GROANS) (GROANS) (SCREAMING) (WHIP CRACKING) (GROANS) (PANTING) (GRUNTS) I have it! I have it! And Mr.
Miracle saves the day again.
(GRUNTS) That's my boyfriend! (GRUNTING) Daddy's home.
Miracle, a boom tube! But the Anti-Life Equation! Now! Should we go after them? We have what we wanted.
As soon as Batman told me you were in trouble, I came back.
You've been gone a long time.
Barda You are the only trap I could never escape from.
Aw, Scott.
I'm just sorry Darkseid got the Anti-Life Equation.
BATMAN: Did he? But, but how? You're not the only one who knows a little sleight of hand.
We'll keep it under guard at the Watchtower.
But if you have the Equation What does Darkseid have? Finally, the last piece of the Equation is mine.
(YELLING) Scott!