Kaguya-sama: Love Is War (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

Kaguya wants to trade/Chika wants to go somewhere/Miyuki wants to hide his ignorance

1 CONFESSION CONFESSION You fall in love with someone P-Please be my girlfriend! confess that love and become a couple.
Everyone would say that's a wonderful thing.
But they're wrong! Even among sweethearts, there exists a distinct power relationship! A side that exploits and a side that's exploited, a side that's devoted, a side receiving devotion, a winner and a loser! If you're trying to live a noble life, then you mustn't become a loser! Love is war! CONFESSION CONFESSION The person who falls in love loses! KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR Shuchiin Academy! It's a prestigious school with an ancient and honorable origin, founded as a facility to educate upper-crust children.
The focus on the nobility is gone, but many talented students born into wealthy, distinguished families, and shouldering the future attend the school.
And now a message from the student council.
The student council members.
Naturally ordinary people wouldn't be permitted to lead and bring these students together! Kaguya Shinomiya, the vice-president of the student council at Shuchiin Academy.
Total assets: 200 trillion yen.
Her family owns the Shinomiya Group, one of the top four financial conglomerates in Japan, with over 1,000 subsidiaries.
SHINOMIYA BANK Befitting her superior lineage, she's a talented young woman who has attained splendid achievements in various fields, such as traditional performing arts, music and martial arts.
That is Kaguya Shinomiya.
And the young man Shinomiya supports is Miyuki Shirogane, the president of the student council at Shuchiin Academy.
He's wise and intelligent, strong and silent.
He scores first place in the practice exams! In contrast to talented Kaguya, his devotion to studying commands awe and fear, and because of that exemplary behavior, PRESIDENT OF STUDENT COUNCIL he was selected to be the student council president, despite being relatively new to the school.
The weight of a solid gold braided cord has been passed down from president to president at Shuchiin Academy for 200 years! That's all! They always look so cool! Yes, when they're together, they seem even more noble and elegant! I still wonder if they're dating.
What? I'd be shocked if they were! I always wonder what they talk about in the student council room.
STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM P-President! WHAT WOULD YOU DO? You finally bought a smartphone? KAGUYA WANTS TO TRADE GLITTER It's got Line, too.
Then let's exchange ID's! It's the age of I.
T.
! Cheap cell phone! It's got a cheap SIM card! Even Shirogane, a stubborn cheapskate who's long insisted that smartphones are unnecessary, - Trendy! Trendy! - I'll send it over to you by Line.
has finally given in and gotten one.
GLITTER It doesn't even need to be said how important smartphones are for high school life.
Very nice.
I love how you can do so many things with it.
You can use them for social plans or just idly chatting, but sometimes you may not get a reply, so joy can swing to sorrow.
It's possible to confess love to someone using the Line social app.
Yes! This past half-year was wasted, because he wasn't using Line! All right, ask me for my ID anytime, Shinomiya! Yay! I got your ID! Why hasn't she asked me? It's my personal information! Never mind.
Should I just ask her? But Asking for contact information, between the lines, that indicates a degree of desperation and ulterior motive, which then beget a special meaning That meaning is, in fact, love! In a romantic relationship, "the person who falls in love loses" is an absolute rule! Confirming your love for someone equals defeat! Asking the opposite sex for their contact information is as good as a confession of love! Apparently, the president is in love with the vice-president! Seriously? I have to share that! For a boy going through puberty, that means death! Forget it! There's no way I can ask her! Shinomiya, you ask me! I'm sure the president is waiting for me to ask him, but he'd better not hold his breath.
It would mean something if he came to me and asked, even though he was embarrassed.
Conflict! It's an inevitability in this world.
Kill or be killed! Your contact info Ask for it or be asked for it? It would be no overstatement to say therein lies the person's superiority or inferiority! Good grief.
How much trouble does he think I went to just to make sure he got a phone? Cheap cell phone! It's got a cheap SIM card! SHINOMIYA HOUSE COOK KAGUYA'S ATTENDAN - Trendy! Trendy! - I'll send it over to you by Line.
SHINOMIYA HOUSE GARDENER I can finally contact the president outside of school.
I can say that my plan was a success, by and large.
I see.
She wants to make me, the man, ask her! If that's how she wants to play it President, this profile photo Yeah, it's a photo of me from when I was a kid.
It's cute! You even scowled as a kid! A photo of the president from his childhood? You know how to hurt a guy.
But that photo is a little embarrassing.
I-I'm not especially interested.
I think I'll change it to a different one.
I'll change it in three minutes.
What? If the president changes his profile picture, I'll never be able to see that photo! But asking him for his contact info expresses nothing other than "I want to talk to you anytime"! It means "I want to send casual messages before bedtime" or "I want to talk to you on the phone in the wee hours the night before a test and chat"! It'd be like that's what I was thinking! A lady must not do anything as improper as asking a male for his contact information! Since it's come to this, I'll have to use my last resort! Kaguya? The president is so cruel.
DRIP H-How could you be so mean? Her skill of deception has been activated! A MAIDEN’S TEARS ACTIVATED You're terrible, President! You're terrible! Her words don't especially mean anything.
But being told he's mean makes him feel like he's done something mean.
BARNUM EFFEC In psychology, it's called the "Barnum Effect.
" I'm sorry! I didn't mean to leave you out! Here, I'll show you too, Shinomiya! - Wait.
You - Too late! She memorized it! Though it was a fleeting glimpse, Shirogane's profile photo has been preserved in Kaguya's hippocampus! Shirogane lost the sole ace up his sleeve! Kaguya made a comeback to win overwhelmingly! Now, I have no reason to ask the president for his ID.
Go ahead.
Ask me for mine.
Can I Can I come up with anything else? Shirogane racked his brain to come from behind! I guess I'll have to use that! Kaguya realized that she needed to block that line of thinking! He's dead.
The conclusion is at hand! That's right! It's cruel to talk about using Line when Kaguya's old phone doesn't support that app! I'm sorry! - It can't use it? - It can't use it? You're rich! Buy a different phone! I've used this phone ever since kindergarten, so I'm attached to it! I can't switch it now! RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH Get rid of your weird hang-up! This is a story of love and intellect going around in circles.
How is it weird? BOTH LOSE - I don't know if it's weird.
- You're weird, President! THEY HAVE EXCHANGED ADDRESSES.
It's cold today.
I wish summer would get here soon.
CHIKA WANTS TO GO SOMEWHERE Talk about impatient.
It'll be spring for a long time yet.
Oh no! Time flies by way too fast! If you're careless, you'll graduate with nothing happening at all! 80 DAMAGE TO THE HEARTS OF SHINOMIYA AND SHIROGANE Over the summer, let's go on a student council trip! That's a good idea.
Let's go somewhere like an informal social gathering.
Yay! A trip, huh? Then the mountains would be good.
Fresh air.
Reverberating echoes.
SUMMI We'll rent a cottage and have a barbecue.
At night, the starry sky will put a spell on us.
Look.
There's Deneb, Altair and Vega, the Summer Triangle.
Altair and Vega represent the story of Hikoboshi and Orihime.
They're just like us.
Close together but so far apart.
VEGA DENEB ALTAIR No! President, I want to be Bb to your Alpha Centauri B! Please let me revolve around you, President! Oh, boy.
You're a pampered first-magnitude star.
BOOM That's it! It has to be the mountains! Yes.
If we're going, then— It has to be the sea.
Wha— The sea versus the mountains! The polar opposites that people have been fighting over since ancient times.
The curtain rises on human nature's battle of thoughts.
The sea.
The sea is the origin of life.
As the sun sets there, I'm sure humans return to being creatures of instinct.
My swimsuit will bewitch the president the second he sees it! The sea will cast its spell on the president, and he'll confess his love to me while the sun sets.
Perfect.
The roar of the sea is the best lullaby in the world.
And the salty sea breeze will blow away the summer heat.
The sea? The sea is the last place I'll go! I can't swim! NOTE: SINKS LIKE A HAMMER If I went into the water with a swimming ring I didn't know you were a hopeless swimmer, President.
How cute.
No way! It has to be the mountains! I refuse to go to the sea! The beach would be too crowded.
I hate bumping elbows with strangers.
Let's use a private beach owned by my family.
It has warm showers, too.
Sunburn is a young lady's archenemy! I'll bring along the highest grade sunscreen.
And to seal the deal, I'll hire a first-class aesthetician for skin aftercare.
- There might be sharks.
- I'll hire a first-class hunter from Florida.
Then we can have shark fin soup.
COMFY Damn you, rich girl! Weak sauce, President.
THINGS THE PRESIDENT IS LIKELY TO SAY, VOL.
42, TRIP EDITION I've already turned out a series of manuals to prepare for when you oppose me.
However you attack me, I can render it harmless.
We can only go to the sea in the summer, right? With mountains, you can't depend on weather.
It rains a lot.
Besides, it's got a lot of bugs.
Bugs! Moths, mosquitoes, horseflies, centipedes, ladybugs, earthworms, drone beetles Bugs are the only thing.
Bugs are the only thing I can't stand! NOTE: HATES BUGS What should I do? If I go to the sea, I can't swim.
If I go to the mountains, there are insects! Guess I'll buy a swimsuit.
I won! That's right.
My swimsuit from last year doesn't fit me now.
I have to buy a new one.
FLA Normally, Shinomiya has confidence in her body line.
But take that away, and her offensive ability becomes fragile Pop.
on the level of a peashooter.
On the other hand, Chika Fujiwara's offensive ability is tank-class.
The difference in military strength is hopeless.
This is bad! Never mind about enchanting him! What is that? Compared to that, Shinomiya is How can I put it? She has a cute chest? Cute? Let's go to the mountains.
The beach is too crowded, and there are sharks.
- Let's go to the mountains.
- You didn't say that before! No, the sea! It rains in the mountains, and there are lots of bugs! Let's go to the sea! You, too? - The mountains.
- The sea.
- Mountains.
- Sea.
- Mountains.
- Sea.
- Mountains.
- Sea.
Since it's come to this, have Chika Fujiwara decide! Me? Yes, let's do it that way.
The sea.
Got it? The mountains! You wouldn't betray me, would you? U-Um If I have to choose one The mountains? Yes! But I specifically want to go to Mount Osore! Mount Osore? Children's Limbo and Blood Pond.
There are pinwheels symbolizing death and rebirth.
And as long as we're there, let's have a medium channel a spirit.
Who would be good? Christ? Buddha? Well, I guess we can think about it when summer comes.
Prince Shotoku could be good, too.
Aristotle, Shakespeare, Cleopatra, Einstein, Hideyoshi Toyotomi, Gandhi, I agree.
Today's match Ruined.
Sen no Rikyu, Caesar, Marie Antoinette, Oscar Francois de Jarjayes! BECAUSE CHIKA FUJIWARA IS A LITTLE SCARY CHIKA FUJIWARA Romantic advice? Yes! Where romance is concerned, I thought a veteran like you could give me advice, President! MIYUKI WANTS TO HIDE HIS IGNORANCE I see.
I'll help you somehow.
President! A romantic veteran? How did people get that image of me? Miyuki Shirogane, 17 years old.
Dating experience None.
NOTE: VIRGIN What? If this advice exposes me The president is a virgin.
A virgin? I'm so disillusioned! Sh-Shinomiya! How cute.
No! I have to get through this! If it's about love, leave it to me! I've never been rejected before! That's why you're the president.
He's never confessed his love, so that's not actually a lie.
The president is giving advice about love? This could be my chance to hear his views on love! So, what's the problem? KASHIWAGI I have a classmate, Kashiwagi.
I want to confess my love to her! Oh! But when I imagine her rejecting me, I think maybe I should become friends with her first.
Incidentally, have you talked to her before? She gave me chocolate on Valentine's Day! What kind of chocolate? Choco Balls.
Three pieces.
Is that obligatory gift chocolate? Obligatory gift chocolate at best! Yeah, I would say she's definitely in love with you! Why? He got Choco Balls! Listen! Women are creatures who aren't upfront about their feelings! Think of it as behaving the exact opposite of how they feel! The Choco Balls seem like a throwaway, but GASP It means she likes me? What about opposites? All right! That sounded like half-decent advice! But I don't think she does feel that way about me.
Just the other day Hey, do you have a girlfriend? No, but I knew it! He said he doesn't have a girlfriend! BOOM He doesn't look like he has one! That's hilarious! So, I think she was just making fun of me.
It's unfortunate, but she was making fun of him.
The issue is whether she even sees him as a member of the opposite sex.
You're in your popular phase right now.
Why are you so suspicious of women? Woman are humans, just like you! That's not what you were saying before! I'll make that situation easier to understand! Hey, do you have a girlfriend? If you don't, I wanna go out with you.
No, but I knew it! You and I are connected by the string of fate! He said he doesn't have a girlfriend! BOOM He doesn't look like he has one! THUMP-THUMP After all, he's too high-class! BOOM That's hilarious! THUMP-THUMP I'm thrilled that he's available! BOOM THUMP-THUMP I'm the one who's most worthy of him.
Isn't that thinking too positively? It can't be! Exactly! I have to choose only one of them? You're an idiot, too? Won't that cause a rift in their friendship with each other? Worst case, it could lead to bullying.
That's what female friendship is like.
What is this arrogant conversation? But it'll be okay.
Because she'll have you.
All you have to do is protect her.
I can protect her? - President! - Yes.
What is this? This'll be my first time confessing my love to someone.
How should I go about it? I have a good idea.
- Imagine the girl in question is right here.
- Okay.
You do this! Go out with me.
When you suddenly corner a girl against the wall like that, she'll be nervous, but the moment you whisper of love in her ear, anxiety will turn into a throbbing heart.
Your chance of success will go up! He startled me! I call this technique "wall-down.
" I came up with it myself.
It's "wall-slamming”! It's been around for years! SHIVER SHIVER Genius.
You're that stupid? Thank you! You've given me courage, President! I knew the person who conquered Shinomiya could help me! No, Shinomiya and I aren't dating.
Th-That's right! No one's ever conquered me! Really? It seems like you two are a couple.
No, just the opposite.
Recently, I wonder if she hates me.
I don't even think she's interested in me.
I don't especially hate you.
Did I do something to give you that idea? She has no self-awareness.
President! What's important is how you feel! How do I feel about Shinomiya? Well, to be honest, her wealth and natural talents annoy me.
She's ditsier than you'd think, scary in private, and her chest But maybe those are all good points! She's actually cute! A beauty! Refined, elegant and clever, too! Really, she's too perfect! Yeah, Shinomiya is the ideal woman! That was close! She's right there! Thank God I noticed! Anyway, nothing will happen unless you tell her how you feel! And nothing good can come of carrying out some weird scheme! Huh? Why do these words resonate with me? I-I'll do my best! Thank you so much! Kaguya.
Has something good happened? No, nothing.
Afterwards he confessed his feelings to Kashiwagi, and somehow they're apparently a couple now.
President, I poured you some tea.
Oh, thanks.
Thankfully, she seems to be in a good mood.
Today's match Is that your one smile of the day? Kaguya wasn't particularly at fault No, I'm like this all the time.
when Shirogane put her in a foul mood, then a good mood, Oh.
but he largely wasted his efforts, resulting in a loss for himself.
THE NEXT PERSON SEEKING ADVICE Shock!