Kiff (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
CHORUS: Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff-Kiff-Kiff! ♪
Kiff-Kiff-Kiff-Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! ♪
(both giggle)
(both laugh)
ANNOUNCER: Brought to you
by Cafe Penguino.
When you're here, you're at a restaurant.
HELEN: Do these kids even know
how lucky they are
to have me as their teacher?
Sometimes I wonder.
(sighs)
Where was I? Oh, yes.
-(mirror shatters)
-Vocal warm-ups.
(inhales deeply)
Red leather, yellow leather ♪
Red leather, yellow leather ♪
Red leather, yellow leather ♪
Unique new yak
Unique new yak ♪
Psst.
Barry, isn't that your brother, Harry?
BARRY: Yeah.
I think I think he's skipping.
Good for him. It's great exercise.
No, not
He's skipping school.
Rolling the dice with his education.
Oh, no!
Exactly. Good.
(chanting) No, no, no, no, no.
Buns, Chatterley. A word?
Ooh, you're gonna get it!
Are we in trouble?
No, you're in the hallway.
Huh? Hmm?
All right, enough humor.
I'll cut to the chase.
I like what you two
are saying about skipping.
-How did you--
-I bug all my classrooms.
I heard everything.
-(nonverbal chanting)
-(mutes microphone)
I have a special assignment for you two.
Harry's been evading me for weeks.
I need you to trail him,
find out exactly what trouble
he's been getting into,
and report back to me.
Trouble? Oh!
I'm sure there's a reason
why Harry had to leave.
Then find out what it is.
Here, take these "All passes."
Guard these with your life.
With them, you can roam free,
out in the real world during school hours.
-Ow.
-Ouch.
(laughs)
That's not necessary, but I like it.
(school bell ringing)
I'm not sure about this.
Bar, if we can get Harry
back onboard the learning express,
he'll be thanking us
from the stage at graduation.
Wow.
I would like that.
TEACHER: The great rubber boom
of the Southern Continent, early 1900s
Pardon me?
Oh, oh, pardon me. Come right in.
Potent.
We need to get a look at that window.
ALL: Whoa!
(Barry screams)
Barry, look. Footprints!
(sniffing)
Huh?
(sniffing)
Huh!
KIFF: "Brunch, this Tuesday
at Cafe Penguino.
Featuring DJ 11:30."
Who skips school to go to brunch?
A brunch bad boy.
KIFF: He's in.
Let's go.
Wow, this place is packed.
All right, where is he?
Yeah, fuel up, partner.
We're gonna search
every corner of this place.
Okay, let's go!
(patrons gasping)
(steam hissing)
(toilets flushing)
(wind gusting)
(sighs)
Well, he must've given us the slip.
Principal Secretary
is not gonna be happy with us.
PATRONS: Ten, nine,
eight, seven, six
Holy heck, what's happening?
Is that some sort of fat beat rising?
Look!
(beat intensifying)
(air horns blow)
-(dance music blares)
-(all cheer)
(both gasp)
We can't get sucked into this awesome jam.
We got to find Harry.
-But how
-Barry!
(both scream)
(loud crash)
-Harry?
-Harry?
I'm DJ 11:30.
Thanks for coming out, y'all.
Just gonna take a quick break.
Enjoy your brunch.
Barry, I'm torn.
-From the dancing?
-No, emotionally.
I don't want to turn Harry in.
He's got mad DJ skills
and he's passionate about this.
But I'm passionate
about not skipping class.
I have a plan.
-What should I do?
-Get some brunch.
-Hi, Harry.
-Oh, hi, Kiff.
Listen, Principal Secretary
sent us to find you,
but obviously, we'd never turn you in
after seeing your transcendent talent.
So just, uh, come back with us
and we'll say you were sleepwalking.
Oh, that's brilliant.
I can't go back to school.
This was the only slot I could get
to play for actual people.
I'm DJ 11:30.
What am I missing at school
that's more important than my art?
Uh
let me put this in terms
I think you'll understand.
Let's do this.
(echoing) This, this, this
Go, Kiff!
Whoo-whoo! Sorry.
How are you gonna know ♪
How many seconds are left on an album ♪
Unless you complete math class? ♪
Don't you want to make it
To graduation ♪
So you can have a hat
With a little tassel? ♪
How are you gonna be professional ♪
If you never learn
How to spell "professional"? ♪
How are you gonna tour
The world and back ♪
If you can't locate the world
On a map? ♪
You been S-K-I-double-P-I-N ♪
Am I going too fast? ♪
Let me spell it again ♪
You been S-K-I-double-P-I-N ♪
Am I going too fast? ♪
Let me spell it again ♪
Hello, Principal Secretary in the house,
as the youths are saying these days.
Oh, no! How'd he find us?
Oh, well, I'm glad you asked.
Take a look at those passes.
Those passes were bugged. Ha!
You've been skipping your classes, Harry.
You've been skipping for months.
Now I've had enough,
you bad boy of brunch.
I know it's uncool, but rules are rules,
and you are expelled from school.
Ooh, my voice, it sounds cool.
(over Auto-Tune) Whoo ♪
You can't expel him.
He's got too much potential.
You got to DJ, Harry.
DJ from the heart.
-(music plays)
-I'm just a kid with a dream ♪
Don't you know what that means? ♪
I can't fight it or deny it
Just a part of me ♪
Just want to do what I love
And put my all in ♪
Don't you know what it's like
To have a calling? ♪
I was just a kid with a dream ♪
So I know what that means ♪
I couldn't hide it or deny it
It was a part of me ♪
I guess I do what I love
And put my all in ♪
So I know what it's like
To have a calling ♪
Calling, calling ♪
Calling, calling ♪
Did we all see something together?
Oh, okay.
ALL: We are just kids with a calling ♪
We are just kids with a calling ♪
We are just kids with a calling ♪
We are just kids going all in ♪
We are all just kids with a calling ♪
We are all just kids with a calling ♪
We are all just kids with a calling ♪
We are all just kids going all in ♪
We are all just kids with a calling ♪
We are all just kids with a calling ♪
How did you?
So Harry can come back to school?
Oh, no, he is definitely expelled.
-BOTH: What?
-Yes, that song,
oh, inspiring stuff.
My calling is to be
the best principal I can be,
so I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one.
It's what a good principal does.
-But
-It's okay, Kiff.
If I can't be a DJ,
I don't want to go back.
Well, I don't want you back.
VOICE: Enough!
(all gasping)
Look, he's here.
(laughs)
That's right. It's me, Flam Bingo,
Table Town's preeminent brunch DJ agent.
Deus ex machina.
I'd like to represent you, Harry,
but I don't add dropouts to my roster.
All DJs are highly-educated.
It's a well-known fact.
This is the worst day of my life.
I get an offer, and I can't take the offer
because I got expelled?
Kiff, you were right.
But it's too late now.
I guess I'll never be able
to tour the world,
because I can't locate the world on a map.
(sighs)
What kind of fool principal
would expel a bunny with this much talent?
It was the rulesy bird!
Uh, sorry, if I could just escape.
Ah! Flam Bingo!
You're a big bird.
Um, ahem, Harry.
I'd be humbled if you would return
to continue your matriculation.
You can come back to school.
(all cheer)
Mr. Flam Bingo,
my friend Harry will only be doing
Sunday brunch from now on.
Great idea.
Make it happen, Mr. Penguino.
(applause, cheering)
TEACHER: So the question being,
what does this mean for the rest?
Hey!
Oh, and I apologize.
-As you were.
-Ahem!
What does this mean
for the rest of the continent?
We are just kids with a calling ♪
(humming)
calling ♪
ANNOUNCER: Brought to you by Dolphin Cars.
Water you waiting for?
-(clock beeps)
-It's time.
Oh, morning already?
Yeah, and now we get to be first in line,
ahead of all of these
people?
Nobody's here?
(chuckles) Well, we're gonna have
first pick of the job fair.
REGGIE: The best summer jobs fill up fast.
Oh, no.
Career day is now op--
(all yelling)
Nobody get in my way!
Let's go!
Nail polish namer.
Indie wrestling journalist.
Professional mannequin.
Come on, Barry!
(snores, gasps)
I'm not too late, am I?
Are there still slots open
for the city hall summer job?
No one's signed up yet?
Hey, Reggie, you in?
Yo, uh, Renée. You, me, city hall.
What do you say?
Oh, nope. I got, uh
an appointment.
KIFF: Barry!
Can no one see the awesome potential
of civic employment?
As an official Table Town employee,
you can help so many fellow Tabletonians.
What's more fun than that, I ask you?
Doing it with your best bud, that's what!
Who needs dreams, right?
That's the spirit.
City hall, here we come.
Now, where do I put this? Is there
Is there a place to put things
you don't need anymore?
What would that be called colloquially?
GLARBIN: Prepare yourselves, children,
for a world of wonder and merriment.
Welcome to
city hall.
Wow. This is just, uh Wow.
Yeah, I know. You'd think the magic
would eventually wear off,
but it never does.
And if you need my help,
my door is always open.
We're a family here at city ha--
Hey, what are you doing here?
We just came back for our stuff.
A likely story.
I bet you're both here
to beg for your old jobs back.
-Are you?
-No.
Well, I don't care.
I've found a new work family
to replace my old one.
Good luck. You're gonna need it.
(chuckles nervously)
-What was that all about?
-They quit.
They said I wasn't fun.
It didn't hurt my feelings at all.
No more questions!
(truck horn blares)
Ha! I'm loving this!
(sighs)
Okay, not exactly how I pictured things,
but still promising.
Just wait until the townspeople
start flowing in,
needing us to be heroes.
I need help.
Oh, yes. There it is.
How can we help you, sir?
A traffic light has been out
for nine years.
There are people stalled at this light
who haven't seen their families
for almost a decade.
Yes! I mean, uh,
I will help you with that, sir.
One new bulb, coming up.
GLARBIN: Oh, Kiff.
Oh, sweet Kiff.
You can't just snatch a bulb.
You have to fill out Form 43a.
Oh. Of course. Sorry.
GLARBIN: Oh, silly-billy Kiff.
Would that the rest of us
were so innocent.
Form 43a triggers 9G7.
How many forms does it take
to change a light bulb?
(laughs)
Humorous.
But in all seriousness, 30 more.
And done.
Finally. Now we can--
One more thing.
You have to use black ink only.
Sorry, I don't make the rules.
(laughs)
Oh, wait. I do.
So we have to start all over?
(whirring)
Ah, finished all the paperwork?
Good job.
You can have all the light bulbs you want.
-Um
-Okay.
-(angry shouting)
-(car horns honking)
(cheering)
We really helped those people,
shredder. I mean, Barry.
That's okay, shredder. I mean, Kiff.
(dolphins barking)
-Hello. We're in love.
-That's great.
And we want to get married.
Even better.
Okay, so there's 36 forms to fill out,
and processing will take
eight years?
Eight years?
There's no way our love
can last that long.
(both sobbing)
I now pronounce you two
dolphin and dolphin.
You may now kiss the dolphin.
(dolphins barking)
(upbeat music playing)
(all cheer)
(buzzing)
-Yeah! Woo-hoo!
-Shh!
(whispering) Yeah, woo-hoo.
(crowd cheering)
Is there any better feeling than this?
(laughs) When you're right, you're right.
I have a bone to pick with you two.
You never told me
you were so fantastic at paperwork.
(cackles)
(both laugh)
You two are just the best.
Worth more than my last crew.
Bunch of ingrates who I don't miss at all.
Whoa, time flies.
Okay, we'll archive everything
first thing tomorrow morning.
Archive?
Oh, Kiff. Follow me.
This here is the archive.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Tomorrow, I'll show you how to file
every form you've filled out.
Good night.
What are we gonna do?
If we get caught, we won't be able
to help Tabletonians ever again.
Wait, I have a plan.
Oh, thank goodness.
Oh, will it work, though?
There's no time to think.
(upbeat music playing)
(exhales)
Darn, that hits the spot.
-Now what?
-Huh?
Well, what's the rest of your plan?
Oh, this was it. To shred everything.
This is way worse!
Why did we think this was gonna help?
Oh, jeez. I think
I'm addicted to shredding.
This is a cry for help!
Okay, don't panic.
I have another idea. A good idea.
Does it involve shredding?
No, Barry!
This will fix everything.
Now listen.
(shredder humming)
Already open?
What happened here?
BOTH: We were robbed!
They took all the paperwork
we did yesterday!
That definitely existed!
Oh, that's my cue.
Why?
(gasps) Who jacked our paperwork?
Good thing we have security cameras.
Hmm.
Well I'm glad nobody got hurt.
(sighs)
Whoo, that was an ordeal.
Let's each have a piece
of flavorless gum for comfort.
No? You're missing out.
Hey, did you guys know
there's a shredder down here?
It can't handle too much,
but feel free to use it for little trash.
Like so.
What?
Too bad the burglars didn't steal
the shredder too, am I right?
(laughs nervously)
(sniffs)
(screams)
I'd know this form anywhere!
A17-34B!
(sobs)
What's happened to you?
There wasn't any big-nosed burglar.
It was you two.
You shredded all the paperwork.
You're fired!
Oh, and look.
The townspeople are so miffed,
they formed an angry mob.
What? (laughs)
We're not an angry mob.
We're here to give our thanks.
Your thanks?
If it wasn't for these two,
I'd still be trapped.
Thank you for bringing Daddy home
from the broken traffic light.
And I'd still be swimming
in a waterless pool.
And if it wasn't for Kiff and Barry,
we never could have gotten married.
I mean, our marriage only lasted a day,
but we're still grateful
to Kiff and Barry.
KIFF: You see, Mr. Glarbin,
this is what city hall is really about.
It's not about filling out
this form or that form.
It's about helping fellow Tabletonians.
It's about spreading cheer
and spending time
with the people you love most,
your work family.
My former employees.
What are you doing here?
We want to un-quit.
But you said you hated it here.
We did, but this is all we really wanted.
A little fun once in a while.
I mean, a confetti party?
Well, in light
of these heartwarming events,
I vow you can use any color pen you want.
Ooh! I'm gonna use blue.
Whoa, let's not get too wild.
It's a Career Day miracle.
Job bless us, everyone.
(all cheer)
I wish I could un-fire you two,
but now that the old staff is back,
there's no room.
I actually never wanted
to work here in the first place, so
Do you two have backup jobs
for the rest of the summer?
I believe we do.