Kiff (2021) s01e07 Episode Script

[theme song playing]
Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Yeah! ♪
Kiff! ♪
[chuckles]
[both laughing]
[Agnes] Brought to you by Wish Wash,
cleaning with magic since 1493.
Hey, Barry, you said babysitting Kristophe
would be easy but he won't take his snack,
What gives?
Oh, you gotta give one to Farley, too.
[chuckles]
What?
[squeals]
-[chomps]
-Hmm.
[snores]
Boy, little kids are weird.
He really thinks that doll
is his friend, huh?
I mean, you and me
are friends, Barry. That's real.
But can you imagine
being friends with this?
[silly voice] Hi, Barry, I hope
you like talking to yourself
because I'm a doll.
[chuckles, gasps]
[babbles]
[babbles]
[grunts, chuckles]
[sighs]
Oh!
Whoops. [chuckles]
Kiff! What have you done?
No problem. My mom's
a whiz at getting stains out.
For mustard I think you're
supposed to use ketchup.
Wait, maybe it's the other way
around, try more mustard.
No wait, sorry, I'm so dumb,
it's mayonnaise.
Wait! No, I actually think
it's peanut butter,
it's peanut butter. No, no!
That's for gum in your hair.
Try toothpaste.
Stop! It's more food than doll!
[snores]
[dramatic music]
He'll be waking up any minute now.
Nothing can clean this doll.
I've got no choice
but to run away from home.
-[sad music]
-See ya around, pal.
We had some good times.
Barry, put that away.
I have a plan.
Okay, I will dress up as Farley
and stay here with Kristophe
while you take the real Farley to Helen,
who will clean him with magic.
Will that work?
Uh, can I pretend to be a dumb doll?
[chuckles]
Absolutely.
[upbeat music]
[Kiff] Getting hard not to blink.
Okay, [chuckles] better get some blinks in
now while he's not looking
Okay, maybe this is gonna be
a little harder than I thought.
Starting to get a little rug-burned here.
Maybe I can just
[sighs] That's a little better.
Are we going in circles?
Oh, no.
Ugh, I don't have the
upper-body strength for this.
Oof!
[grunts]
[shudders]
Okay, top of the steps, now what?
Oh, we're already done here?
Going back down?
[grunts]
Hurry, Barry! [grunts]
Three little words that make
Your heart swell, and ♪
Those three words
Are "Here comes Hel-en" ♪
Mmm, so good.
Excuse me, Miss Helen?
Who dares disturb me
during after school hours
-It's m--
-while I work on my one-woman show,
Here Comes Helen?
It's me, Barry Buns.
I'm here with a food-stained dolly
that very much needs to be cleaned!
Who do you think I am, a dry cleaner?
-Do you think I'm a dry cleaner?
-No!
Who do you think I am? Agnes?
-Who's Agnes?
-My sister! She's a dry cleaner.
Oh.
-Excuse me, Helen.
-What, Trevor?
Did you want me
to keep taking pictures of this?
Or just the piano stuff?
All of it, Trevor!
This is all part of the process!
So, can you take me to see your sister?
Oh, you want to meet Agnes?
Okay, this should be good, let's go.
[grunts]
[Kiff] Ah, this is nice.
Sitting down, nice.
Mmm, it's pretty up here,
nice little breeze.
What is he doing?
Hmm, what is that? Looks like Farley
diving into a small glass of water.
[tense music]
Oh, no.
["Taps" plays]
Not good, not good. [groans]
Yes, I believe I can get this cleaned up.
Just one question for you, young bunny.
How did you hear about my services?
Oh, your sister Helen recommended you.
What?
I'm sorry, you have to leave now.
-What? Why?
-Hmph!
Sorry, Barry, but my sister
doesn't like to help people.
Barry, would you please tell my sister
that I do like to help people,
just not people who don't like
to help people themselves.
Barry, will you please tell
my sister that I can hear
what she's saying and that
you don't have to repeat it?
Barry, will you please tell
my sister that I can also hear
what she's saying and that
you don't have to repeat that!
Barry, will you tell my sister that--
Enough!
Now, I don't know
what y'all are fightin' about,
but my aunt happens to be
a couples counselor
so maybe I can help?
Well, I suppose
I'm willing to give it a shot.
I would love to put this behind us.
Great. Okay. So what's this fight about?
[overlapping arguing]
Yikeseeola.
[arguing continues]
["Taps" plays]
[Kiff] There's one thing I can try.
I've seen it in movies, I hope it works.
[dramatic music]
[imitates robot] Kristophe, stop!
I am alive.
Farley is alive.
No need be alarmed.
Your love has brought me to life.
It's a good thing.
Great. Now what say you get me down
from this here window.
Ahh, that's better.
[coos]
Beep boop beep.
[crying]
Thank you, Barry.
Wonderful counseling, Barry.
You listened and you helped.
Oh, good!
I still have no idea
what the fight was about.
These shots are amazing, Helen.
[sobbing] I love these pictures.
Me and my beautiful sister.
-[crying]
-Okay, so,
uh, where does the cleaning happen?
Wow, thank you
for this delicious cup of tea.
-[slurps]
-[chuckles]
I gotta say, Kristophe,
this is a lot nicer
than being dragged up and down the stairs
and all around your room,
banging my head
on all your toys and stuff.
Way nicer.
Aww!
Yeah, let's just
keep doing stuff like this.
[imitates robot] This is fun.
[upbeat music]
[chittering]
[caws]
[crows] Whoa! Take it easy! Chill!
[chuckles] Yeah, you're right.
that cloud does look like
the guy from Hat Me.
[sighs]
I don't know if you understand
everything I'm saying, Kristophe,
but I hope you understand this
I've always thought of you as a toddler,
and not a person,
but I realized today
that you are a person, too.
And that your friendship with Farley
I mean, me-- Your friendship with me
is an important one.
And I'm really glad we're friends
and I hope Kristophe
and Farley stay friends forever!
-[Barry] Farley?
-Oh, my gosh, Barry!
I totally forgot you went to see Helen.
Who's Helen, Farley?
[imitates robot]
Hey, Kristophe, I'm thirsty.
Can you go in the house
and get me some oil?
Kiff, what is going on?
Barry! Kristophe and Farley
are real pals. I had no idea!
Okay, well, I got
the real Farley right here
so let's make the switch.
Wait. I-- I have to say goodbye first.
To Kristophe?
Wow. You've really had
an emotional journey today, haven't you?
Okay, yeah.
[uplifting music]
[coos]
Thanks, Kristophe.
Gee, the sunset sure looks magical.
Uh, hey, speaking of magic,
my special day is almost over.
And the next time we see each other,
I might be a little less chatty,
but that doesn't mean
we're not pals. Okay?
Hey, let's play hide and seek.
Farley, you count to ten
while Kristophe and I hide.
Ten, nine
eight, seven, six
[sobbing] five four
three two one.
Huh. We did it, pal.
It was a great plan. Thanks, Kiff.
[phone rings]
-Hello?
-[Agnes and Helen argue]
Okay well, just hol--
okay-- hold on one sec!
It's Helen and Agnes. They're arguing over
who loves the other one more.
I gotta take this.
Okay, buddy.
Oh. Good-bye, Kristophe.
What's this?
Wait, you want me to have this?
[coos]
[chuckles]
[imitates robot] Beep boop beep.
[kid] Brought to you by Fran's Franks!
Two for one hot dogs?
It doesn't get better than this!
[loud munching]
Watch the mustard!
[both giggle]
[both sigh]
Two-for-one hot dogs?
Incredible!
Mmm. I know!
I would have paid double for half.
Hey, look! A billboard
for the hot dogs we just ate.
Great mole.
And look at the slogan.
[Barry] "It doesn't get better than this!"
You said it, billboard.
[Kiff and Barry] "It doesn't
get better than this."
[foreboding music]
-It doesn't?
-Ever?
That can't be true.
But why would a billboard lie to a person?
[somber music]
[both] Non!
So that's it then.
We just experienced
the best moment of our lives?
No. [chuckles] Maybe we just
gotta prove the billboard wrong.
If we can just have a better
time than we had
eating the hotdogs, then
we'll know we haven't peaked!
And then, we can go on our merry way.
-[chuckles]
-Okay, sure!
It'll be fine.
[fun music]
[game console sounds]
[bell ringing]
Whoo! [laughs]
Did ya have fun, Barry?
No.
The two for one deal put us
in silly moods, Kiff!
We were in silly moods!
I didn't have fun at the carnival either.
Ugh, we've been in denial.
The billboard was right.
And that makes me angry!
Come on, Bar!
[dramatic music]
[crowd grunts]
Hey! You can't just serve people
the best moment of their lives
without warning them.
The "deal" was two hot dogs
for the price of one,
not two hot dogs for a life
that's all downhill from here.
That is a very expensive hot dog!
[exclaims]
[upbeat rock music]
[grunts]
[laughs] I'm loving this.
[sighs]
Rage feels great and all,
-but it doesn't undo the fact
-[birds] Ahh!
that we've peaked in life.
I wish we could just undo
the whole dang hot dog moment!
I'd do anything!
-Hello!
-[both] Ahh!
Sounds like you noobs
need a reversal spell.
Jeez, Helen, a little heads up?
-I think you mean: A little Helen's up?
-Huh?
Whenever you see me,
you're supposed to say:
"Helen's Up."
Says who? C-can you just do the spell?
We'll do anything, please.
Great. Then get on board
with "Helen's Up."
Say it any time you see me,
and I'll give you the spell.
-Fine, okay, sure.
-Barry?
Sure, yes, I'll start saying:
"Helen's Up."
I am satisfied by our pact.
Lint from purse. Reverse.
[rewinding noise]
Wha-wait. It stopped reversing.
But we haven't uneaten the hot dogs.
We've still peaked.
[both] Helen's Up!
What?
Well, the reversal spell. It just stopped.
What are you talking about?
I don't do reversal spells.
They never work.
Oh, my gosh.
It's the Helen from earlier.
She has no memory of our conversation.
Well, at least we don't have
to say "Helen's Up" now.
By the way, "Helen's up"--
I like it.
[groans]
We've still peaked.
[gentle guitar plays]
[both sigh]
[male voice] Gather round
lemme tell you what happens to a person
who's lived all the life there is to live.
Well, I've ridden on
The fastest rollercoaster ♪
Photobombed A theatrical poster ♪
But it don't get Better than this ♪
I've chased tornados
And discovered a star ♪
That one time my mom
Let me drive her car ♪
But it don't get Better than this ♪
Oh, there's nothin' More fun ♪
Than a hot dog That comes two for one ♪
When you've done All that can be done ♪
And there's no more Life to live ♪
It don't get better
Don't get better than this ♪
It sure don't ♪
I've run with wild horses ♪
On the open plains ♪
Did a glass blowing class ♪
With a guy named Wayne ♪
But it don't get Better than this ♪
I took a peanut I threw it up high ♪
Caught it in my mouth
Even with closed eyes ♪
But it don't get Better than this ♪
Oh, there's nothin' More fun ♪
Than a hot dog That comes two for one ♪
When you've done all That can be done ♪
Oh ♪
There's nothin' more fun ♪
Than a hot dog That comes two for one ♪
When you've done all That can be done ♪
[song continues on PA]
Well, now that we've accepted our fate,
at least we have a nice place
to wait out the remainder of our years.
-Achoo!
-What?
Room for two please.
Forever.
[old-time music plays]
-Love three p.m. dinner.
-Preach, Gayle.
-Barry.
-Other Barry.
[stammers] M-my mom and I,
we went-- uh, we went down
-[snores]
-and the, and the, uh, I went
can-- can I wanted candy and the can
[clock chimes]
Well, 3:05.
Better get a head start on bedtime.
This is the way it goes when
your best days are behind you.
We'll get used to it though,
just like we got used to being
fun, happy children.
Right.
[happy kids chattering]
[boy] Anyone want to play tag?
[grunts] Dumb kids.
What are they even doing?
Whatever it is,
it doesn't sound fun at all.
No way. [scoffs]
[girl] Can someone help me move this
wheelbarrow of water balloons?
[upbeat music]
Should we call in a noise complaint?
We could say there's a group of kids
who haven't peaked yet
and they are keeping us up!
[boy] Did the ice cream truck driver
just open up the back of his truck,
throw his keys into the river,
and then run away?
[laughs] I mean
[inhales] I could go out
and grab us some ear plugs.
Great, I'll go grab some eye masks.
Great thinking!
Good luck with your errand.
You as well.
I'll just take a quick peek,
and then it's back to bed.
[grunts]
No ear plugs?
No eye masks?
I don't want to accept my fate!
Yeah, I don't either.
I guess we could go watch
other kids have fun?
[music builds]
[cheering]
These aren't kids.
Hey! Hey, weren't you asleep at dinner?
I try to stay awake,
but my grandson does go on and on!
What?
Uh-- Whoa!
We're making all local stops!
Bingo!
Barry, a piñata.
[all chanting] Barry! Barry!
Barry! Barry! Barry!
Whee!
[both laugh, gasp]
Wow! That is one hot dog!
No one can say that is not a hot dog!
The hot dogs.
[thud]
This was a mistake. A glitch.
The best moment of our lives
already happened, right?
[echoing] Is this all a dream?
[sighs] Come on, Bar,
it's past our bedtime.
[both gasp] Kid from
the billboard all grown up.
It doesn't get better than this!
-Something just hit me.
-Uh, it was a burger.
No, beneath the burger.
-Something hit my mind!
-Go on
Maybe we couldn't top
the hot dog moment earlier
because we were trying so hard.
When you stop thinking about it,
you just start having fun.
[both] The billboard was
just a dumb ad?
[Barry] The best time
is happening all the time!
You just gotta enjoy it!
He's right, folks!
He's right!
Did someone order a combo meal?
[cheering]
I'll take-- I'll take a little
bit of that combo.
[clamoring]
[all] It doesn't get better than this!
Is what we used to think,
but now we have a more
Four Dimensional view of it.
[closing theme plays]