Kiff (2021) s01e20 Episode Script

1
[opening theme music playing]
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
Kiff! ♪
[giggles]
[both laugh]
[announcer] Brought to you by Were-House.
This Halloween, horror has a new address.
Now streaming everywhere.
Okay. Good night. Thanks for letting
Barry and I have the living room
for movie night.
Okay. Good night.
Well, this is fun.
What are we gonna watch?
Well, I was thinking,
since next weekend is Halloween,
we could get into the spooky spirit
by watching Were-House!
[spooky music plays]
- Oh.
- It's streaming everywhere.
Um. Well, that-- I can--
That's an option.
[scoffs] Come on, Bar.
I know we've never seen a scary movie,
but I think we're ready.
- [sighs] Let's do it.
- Yeah!
[laughs]
[thumbnails clicking]
[ominous theme playing]
Where is this place again?
[teen 2] The map says right up here.
[teen 3] This is so weird.
[door creaks]
[teen 1] Did you hear that?
[teen 3] Wait. I see the mailbox,
but where's the house?
- [beast grunts]
- [loud clattering]
[teens scream]
[screams] [laughs]
This is-- Whoa!
[teen 3] Oh, this is
the most terrifying thing
anyone could witness!
No one should be watching this--
- Are you okay?
- Kiff, to be honest
[terrified] I don't think
I'm ready for this movie.
That's okay. Yeah, no problem.
Let's find something else.
[thumbnails clicking]
[whimsical theme playing]
Oh, children.
Have you ever wondered
what happens to all the lost mail?
There's nothing more terrifying
than a stamp with poor adhesive.
Ooh. [laughs]
[sighs] Maybe next year.
[school bell rings]
[Candle] Will it be
the scariest party of the year?
That is not for me to say.
One invite per student. Thanking you.
Ah! Pop down! Pop down. Pop down.
Hey, wanna come to my annual
"safe fun" party?
"Trevor's Rockin' Halloween Bash?"
H-Hi there. Lookin' for a party?
No? That's cool.
[Kiff] Hmm.
You know what, pal?
Let's go to Trevor's thing.
- Really?
- Sure.
I mean, it doesn't matter
what party we're at,
as long as we're together.
I think you mean
"as long as we're to-Trevor."
Here, take a couple, case
you wanna bring a plus-one.
Parents are welcome!
[spooky music plays]
Here you go, my little spooky pookies.
Thanks, Mom.
Plastic!
Safer.
- [Kiff groans]
- Here ya go.
[groans] This is gonna take forever.
I think you mean, "for-Trevor."
Look, Kiff!
[gurgles] Pumpkin seed monster!
[both laugh]
[feigned laugh]
[ominous music plays]
[Barry] One, two, three.
Ooh, I landed on "Burlap Sack."
'Kay "Add 3 gourds to your garden."
[giggles] Oh, don't be jealous!
Aw, man, your garden's gettin' huge.
[doorbell rings]
Happy Halloween, you lucky animals.
[all three] What?
My place is a bust,
because I accidentally ordered
10,000 live spiders
instead of rubber ones,
and now the house
is chock full o' spiders.
[Roy Fox sighs] While
my daughter has her party,
I get to stay in here and have
a nice quiet night to myself.
[door creaks]
Hello?
[echoing] Candle?
Billiam?
[creepy string music playing]
[shrieks]
Yeah, the site said
that they were realistic,
and they did not lie.
- [snaps fingers]
- [party-goers clamoring]
[Halloween dance music playing]
All right!
Aren't we gonna finish the board game?
Barry, are you insane?
Trevor! Go upstairs, and finish the game.
Barry is excited about it.
Yeah, come on, Trev.
[muffled music continues playing]
[party-goers cheering and laughing]
Kiff, your turn.
Oh, yeah.
- [coughs]
- Trevor, uh
wh-why don't I get you a glass
of water for your dry throat?
- No, that's o--
- Nonsense!
I'll be back in a sec!
Okay, just a spooky little taste,
and then back to Barry.
[laughing]
[Kiff] Here ya go!
Ahh. Now, where were we?
It's your turn.
Right, of course.
Hmm, a couple of these dots
are wearing off.
Kind of hard to see.
Uh, Trevor, do you have any backup dice?
Uh, yeah, downstairs in the game cubby--
[Kiff in distance] Be right back!
She's so nice.
[ominous music plays]
[heavy panting]
[whimpers]
[panting]
[grunts]
No, no, no, no!
Eat art!
My Applegate!
[roars]
Oh, come on. We gotta finish this game.
Where is Kiff?
Okay, Mr. Impatience.
I'll peek downstairs.
- [party-goers laughing]
- Wha?
And all they found were his toenails!
[party-goers gasp]
I'm starting to think Kiff
really wanted to go
to Candle's party. Agh!
Sure sounds like a lot of fun down there.
- [distant whooping and laughing]
- [phone chimes]
What? There are high school kids
currently partying in my house?
I gotta finish this game!
"Move back 10 spaces"?!
Aaagh! Ugh.
[cell phone vibrating and chiming]
It's fine, Trevor. Go get your scary on.
- I'll be fine here with apple.
- [departing footsteps]
[sighs]
[dance music continues]
Hey, sorry it took forever to do
whatever the last thing I said was.
Uh, where's Trev?
He went out to party.
And left you here? [scoffs] Rude.
Well, let's finish the game,
just you and me.
[whooping and laughter
continues in distance]
Oh, my.
What a clumsy Clive.
Kiff, would you do me a kindness
and go find the dice?
[gasps] Sure!
[sad music playing]
Oh, hand turkey,
why can't all Halloween decorations
just be harvest-related?
Know what I mean?
[distant howl]
[Roy Fox exasperated panting]
[legs scurrying]
What's this, some kind of peace offering?
And then I said, "This is the hand
that writes the check, capiche?"
[laughs]
Oh, you guys are all right.
Hey, can anyone here play bass?
[Barry] I mean,
first Were-House, and now this?
Wh-What if she wants
a newer, braver best friend?
That's scarier than any ghost or ghoul.
Face my fears, you say?
Be brave? Save the friendship?
Whoa. You
You have great advice.
I gotta hand it to you.
[giggles] But this is no time for jokes.
[party-goers chattering]
[chanting] Airy as a hair.
Thick as a brick.
Airy as a hair. Thick as a brick
Is he getting heavier?
[scoffs] This isn't working.
We need a fifth.
Don't you have some sort
of best friend that could help?
Oh, no. I forgot about Barry.
[Kiff] Back in a sec!
Nope.
Oh, my goodness!
[gasps]
Leave me alone, creepy decoration!
[gasps]
Okay, I'm just gonna take a little break
from being brave
down here in the basement.
Basements aren't scary.
[grunts]
[Kyle Lyon laughs] I can't.
You read it.
Are you insane? No.
Agh! Don't look at me.
Hey, hey, hey.
Reading is easy.
I learned a couple years back.
Okay, everybody ready?
[clears throat]
"Heus gum guttae.
Heus festivitas populi."
- [clattering]
- Hope I'm saying this right.
[chimes jingling]
"Heus, heus, heus"
"tota die!
Liber est, liber est."
"Unos, duo, tres,
veni ad me."
Wow, this is a real,
real thesaurus you got here.
[cat meows]
I'm free!
Aaah.
It's good to be out.
- [bones crack]
- [laughs]
See? Nothing to it.
Hey, where'd everyone go?
Who read those words?
Me, Barry.
I learned how a few years back.
That's great. That's great, Barry.
Listen, my name's Scarm,
Scarm Scaremly.
- Hi, Scarm.
- Yeah, hi.
Hey, is that a party going on up there?
I'd-- I'd sure like to check it out.
You don't wanna go up there, Scarm.
It's scary.
Aw, gee, it sounds pretty fun, though.
I bet they have candy corn,
and [laughs] I love candy corn.
If someone invited me,
I'd be very grateful.
In fact, I would grant them any wish.
A wish? Oh, wow!
Could you make me brave
like my friend Kiff?
- No--
- Aww!
You didn't let me finish.
- No problem.
- Yes!
I just need [deep] an invitation.
Mwaah.
"I, Barrington Augustus Buns the Third
hereby invite Scarm Scaremly to the party
so I may be brave like Kiff."
Okay, let's do it.
[munches]
I can feel it.
I'm brave now!
For 30 minutes.
What?
"brave like Kiff for 30 minutes."
[groans]
Gotta read the fine print, kid.
Um, uh feel free to eat that.
[whooping and laughter]
Hot dog! I'm not afraid!
Okay, Scarm, there's punch in there.
Bathroom on your left.
Help yourself
to as much candy as you like.
- [Scarm] Mm-mm
- Barry?
I've been looking everywhere for you!
And I, you.
Scarm, please enjoy yourself.
[Scarm] Wibbledy-woo!
Kiff, a word?
Outside? In the dark?
What's going on, Barry?
[Scarm crunches food]
Who was your weird friend?
Kiff, there's something you must know.
No, Barry, listen.
I'm sorry I took so long to come back.
The dice, they're so small and
[eerie music playing]
Something's not right.
Oh, yeah. I'm brave now.
This is the thing you must know.
Oh, you're brave now, huh?
That's interesting, 'cause--
Boo! [making loud noises]
Huh. I guess you are.
Nice party, Scarm.
Yeah, it's gonna be even better
when I turn you into decorations.
Ha ha. Yeah. Wait, what?
[Scarm] Ha! Ho ho.
What do you think of that?
[party-goers screaming]
[laughing]
Bang!
Ahh. You know, the last party
I was at, I got banished,
for, like, thousands of years.
Can't imagine why.
Silence!
Just because I ate
a couple guests by mistake.
Not my fault they were
dressed as candies. Heh.
Speaking of candies can-deez-kids
make good decorations?
They can! Boom!
Aww.
[laughs] I'm back!
- It's Scarm ♪
- Imma get my party on ♪
- It's Scarm ♪
- I've been away too long ♪
- It's Scarm ♪
- Now, c'mon, wave your arms ♪
It's Scarm ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on, Scarm, party on ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on ♪
[maniacal laugh]
This world is gonna be
a dance floor just for me ♪
I'm gonna party and party
for all eternity ♪
The candy's all for me?
Oh, boy, what a treat! ♪
And now I'm gonna put on
my dancing feet ♪
[laughing]
Oh, yeah. [laughs]
Oh, yeah!
The screams and fear
it's music to my ears ♪
I haven't partied this hard
in a thousand years! ♪
[maniacal laughter]
It's Scarm ♪
Imma get my party on ♪
It's Scarm ♪
I've been away too long ♪
- It's Scarm ♪
- Now, c'mon, wave your arms ♪
It's Scarm ♪
It's Scarm
Party on, Scarm ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on, Scarm ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on, Scarm ♪
It's Scarm
Party on, Scarm ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on, Scarm ♪
Party on
Party on, Scarm ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on, Scarm ♪
Party on ♪
[dark chuckle]
[playing blues-style rock]
Come on, Kiff! Let's go watch Were-House
in an abandoned warehouse!
[loud creaking]
Party on party on, Scarm ♪
What the actual!
[maniacal laughter]
What's all this, then?
What has unfolded here?
There was this guy.
He went party crazy.
He ate all the candy!
He kept going on about a book,
said he got stuck there
for thousands of years.
Who invited this guy?
It was me, Barry.
- [party-goers gasp]
- We did a deal.
I invited him to the party,
and he made me brave like Kiff in return.
Look how bravely I admitted my wrongdoing.
[party-goers] Boo!
But he tricked me.
The bravery spell
will only last half an hour.
That's the disappointing part.
[party-goers] Boo!
[groans]
Yeah, you better show me this book.
Party on, Scarm
Party on ♪
Party on, Scarm
Party on ♪
- [all screaming]
- [Scarm laughs]
"Festivitas
invitationem
doomsday"? Okay.
You're gonna need
to get that invitation back.
Mm.
Then open the book in front of Scarm,
and he should get sucked back in.
Where is that invitation?
He swallowed it.
It made sense at the time.
Looking back, I agree, very weird.
But I am brave now.
- I can get it back.
- But how?
I've still got 12 minutes left
on my bravery deal.
I'll get eaten up!
- That's insane.
- That could work.
Barry goes in, and I figure out
how to keep Scarm's mouth open
so he can escape with the invitation.
- Let's do it!
- [all cheer]
[door slams shut]
[ominous music playing]
[Scarm roaring in distance]
[police sirens blaring in distance]
[Scarm theme music playing]
Where is everyone?
Ah! Let me down! Let me down!
[wailing]
It's overs kadovers!
- They've all been turned!
- [yelps]
It's getting hard to breathe in here!
[thundering footsteps approaching]
Oh. [evil laugh]
Mmm, I'm loving this!
Ready to save the world?
Yeah, but
[heroic music plays]
Barry, I can't deal with it!
You thinking I didn't want
to hang out with you.
- Huh?
- The only party
I wanna go to is the one you're at.
I'm sorry.
Oh, Kiff, don't be afraid.
We are always gonna be party pals.
Barry, your bravery is inspiring.
Thank you. Now get outta here.
We don't want Scarm turning you
into a decoration, too.
Okay, Barry!
I have the perfect plan
to get you out of there!
And I have the perfect plan
for getting in.
Yoo-hoo!
You missed one!
Eat me, you big hungry boy!
Look at the size of that candy corn!
[dramatic chorus singing]
If I wasn't so brave,
I'd be really scared ri--
[slurps, swallows]
[heartbeat thumping]
[angelic choir vocalizing]
[Barry's body thumps]
[liquid dripping]
[grunts]
[Pete clears throat]
[Barry] Hyah!
Cool your jets, friend.
We're just simple stomach people.
We've lived here for eons.
I was born here!
[dramatic music playing]
- [coins clink]
- Happy Halloween.
So now I have to find it,
but this place is so big.
Well, to similarly explain our situation,
Scarm Scaremly ate us
at the first-ever Halloween party.
[breathless chuckle] He loves candy
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we've lived here ever since.
- I was born here!
- Shh.
Shush.
I'm so sorry about your plight,
but the invitation could be anywhere,
and I only have, like, five minutes left
on my bravery deal.
Is this what you're looking for?
[fanfare plays]
You had it this whole time?
Give it to me!
No! I've never owned anything
other than stomach stuff.
I love it!
[Barry] Are you this child's father?
Tell him to give it to me.
Hmm, finders keepers.
- That's the way of the stomach.
- But--
Stomach law will not be
questioned by an outsider!
[determined grunt]
How about a trade?
What's a trade?
[exasperated shriek]
[dance music plays over speakers]
- [Kiff] Hey!
- Aw, a little witch!
You're gonna look great
pinned up over the water cooler!
Wait! Before you do that,
I'm actually [grunts]
a dentist!
Hmm.
A real dentist wearing
the costume of a witch.
Eh? Eh?
Okay?
Now, I think you have a bad tooth.
Huh. Did you recently eat a candy corn?
Yes! Just now!
Mmm, better take a look.
[Scarm groans]
[softly] I love trading.
Yeah!
[grunts] That's our cue!
Follow me!
Ah. Oh, wow!
[stammering] Yeah, we got--
uh, we got some rot here.
[quietly] Barry, who are these people?
[quietly] I'm calling them
the Stomach Gang.
I was born here--
[Scarm] What's going on in there?
[Kiff] You're gonna feel a tickle!
[Scarm giggles]
[coughs]
Uh, okay, just about done!
[loud whisper] I got it!
Open the book.
It'll trap him in!
'Kay, you're all set.
Aw, thank you, Doctor.
I'm going to turn you
into a decoration now.
I understand. But before you do,
let me go over some brushing techniques.
I'll just consult my dentist manual.
Hey, I know that book!
Hey, Scarm!
You're uninvited.
My invitation!
[both] No!
[big evil laugh]
Ah
Ah!
I'm sorry, Barry!
I'm sorry, Kiff.
I'm not sorry.
[distant screeching]
Heigh-ho, arachnid brethren!
- What?
- Whaaa?
Huh?
What on earth is happening?
Spiders?
Uhh [shrieks]
In time, she'll get it.
Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.
Aw, nuts.
[screaming]
Oh! My froggy body!
My froggy body is back!
Who invited that guy?
Heh. That was intense!
Scarm has been defeated!
[party-goers cheering]
[creepy string music plays]
Wow, quick work.
I made it with 12 minutes to spare!
Wait, what?
I think you must have paused it.
How long was I in there?
Like, an hour!
You are brave!
For real real.
[gasps] I'm a real brave boy.
[giddy laughter]
I think I'm just about ready
for Were-House. Hmm
[scary music plays]
Let's watch something else.
Uh, hello?
Down here!
[closing theme music playing]
Chirp.