Kiff (2021) s01e21 Episode Script

1
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Yeah, Kiff! ♪
[giggles]
[both laugh]
[narrator] Brought to you
by Trongle and Gurble P's
Trampoline Insurancees.
You heard me.
Let's see who died, who died.
Everybody in this town is so healthy.
[Kiff] Come on, one more time, guys!
All right.
[laughter]
[crashing]
Oh, what's this?
"Gorgeous piano.
Free pickup today only. Very heavy.
For more info, contact--" Oh, what?
My sister, Agnes? But we're fighting.
- [crashing]
- [Barry] Sorry, Helen!
We don't know our own strength.
[laughter]
[Helen] You two, the strongies!
Get in here!
I need you to go
and pick up a piano for me.
I'd do it myself, but I don't want to.
Also, it's at my sister's house
and we're feuding,
so do it for me and you can have one item
from my Creepy Junk Trunk. One!
Monkey's paw. Genie lamp. Eh.
Mirror that lets you talk
to dead celebrities. Eh.
[clattering and shattering]
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Ooh!
Interesting choice.
It's so symmetrical.
It has a nice weight to it.
Hello! That's a magical horseshoe.
Grants two people any one wish.
Ringing any bells?
You can literally wish for
anything in the world with it?
- [both] Oh!
- Go get me that piano
and it's all yours.
So, you two play the piano, eh?
Oh, yes, ma'am. Can't get enough
of tinkling away on the old musical teeth.
[discordant piano notes]
Wow!
You'd better get going then.
It's a long way back across town.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, man. I forgot pianos
are famously heavy.
You don't have, like, a hand truck or--
[chuckling] And we're off.
Okay, so this wish thing.
I think it's safe to assume
we're both thinking the same thing.
[both] Wish for a trampoline.
[laughter]
[both] Yes, we said the same thing!
We're always in sync.
Disco! Watermelon! Cowboy! Ha-ha-ha!
Mega soup! Age group!
Giggly-biggily-biggily.
- Oop!
- [laughter]
[both] Pamphlet! Eeee moth!
[laughter]
- Which bridge?
- [Kiff] Let's support Trollie.
Ooh, Kiff, Barry, piano.
Wanna try crossing my bridge, eh?
Well, let's see if you can.
Get ready for one of my famous
sophisticated riddles.
[clears throat]
So, what-- what say, uh
Ooh, what's-- what's, um--
Okay, okay. What's black and white
and, uh, goes plink when you bang on it?
This piano?
Yeah. Good, that is good.
A little off your game today, Trollie?
[sighs] Yeah, I'm sorry, kids.
I had a big fight
with the Riddling Society
at last night's potluck.
We'd love to stay
and hear more about that,
but we got this big piano to move.
Oh! Do you want some help?
- Please!
- Sure.
You're probably wondering
how little Kiff and Barry
wound up moving a piano.
Let's just say there's
a trampoline in it for us.
[Trollie] Oh, I'm so done
with those uppity Riddlers.
They accused me of not carrying
my weight. Me, Trollie.
Feels like kind of a silly thing to end
a whole meaningful friendship over,
don't you think?
Barry's right. He and I never
would have made it
this far as best friends
if we let silly disagreements
tear us apart,
which we never have and never will.
Maybe you're right.
Well, this is as far as I can take you.
Phew. My pinkie's
gonna be barking tonight.
- Thanks for all your help.
- Oh, hey,
might want to reconsider
that trampoline thing.
I heard they're a real headache to insure.
Oh! [smack lips]
- They are?
- Shoot, I didn't know that.
Well, here we are,
the famous Table Town Steps.
[bird screeches]
Kiff and Barry lugging
a super-heavy piano up 563 steps?
Ho-ho, this is gonna be one wild ride.
[laughter]
That was so crazy, the way we kept
dropping the piano down all the stairs!
Ooh, I know.
A-a-and how we ran into Glarbin
halfway up and his coattails
got caught in the keys,
and how we kept knocking off his big hat!
It must have looked so funny!
Oh, it definitely looked funny.
Too bad no-one was around to see.
Ha, yeah.
[Barry] Classic, unmissable stuff.
Kiff, I just thought of a genius
solution to our problem.
I know what we should wish for instead.
OMG, I just did too.
It's safe to assume we're thinking
the same thing again, right?
[inhales] We wish for--
The ground everywhere to be bouncy,
then the world is our trampoline.
- [piano thumps]
- Wha? No.
We should wish to turn
our legs into springs.
Kiff, buddy.
If our legs were springs,
we'd be smacking our heads on the ceiling
every time we jump out of bed
in the morning.
Mm-hmm, I hear you, chum.
I I just think if we wished
for the ground
to be bouncy everywhere,
you'd have fallen fruit
ping-ponging all over the place.
Think of the orchard massacres.
Well, I hear you, compadre, and I
respectfully disagree.
[dramatic theme playing]
[music hall piano music playing]
[sighs]
[Ben Finn] Babe,
I asked you to lunch today
to tell you I want to get remarried.
[shouting] What?
Babe, we already got remarried.
I asked you here
because I want to split up again.
[shouting] Oh, that is so typical of you.
[Kiff clears throat]
When you're having a fight ♪
There's no wrong, no right ♪
You just need to align
And we'll tell you why ♪
'Cause things come best in twos ♪
Like a pair of socks ♪
- And shoes ♪
- Sandals ♪
No, obviously shoes ♪
But I like sandals with socks ♪
Okay, agree to disagree this time ♪
But next time maybe join in with me ♪
Or you could join in with me ♪
I just think that ♪
Sandals with socks
Is just not very smart ♪
You're exposing your socks
To thorns and sharp rocks ♪
And if you get them wet
You'll have so much regret ♪
But I just feel that shoes and socks ♪
Just get unbearably hot
And my toes like ♪
The freedom of wiggling a lot ♪
Not to mention
The tying of difficult knots ♪
What we need is compromise ♪
Sweet compromise ♪
And see the world
Through each other's eyes ♪
Then we will both see that it's true ♪
The best things come in twos ♪
Like a pair of socks and ♪
- Shoes ♪
- Sandals ♪
Yikeseeola.
Babe, did you change my order
when I went to the bathroom?
You are so controlling!
[arguing]
Barry, I I really don't want
to fight about the wish anymore.
- Me neither.
- Ah, good.
I'm so glad you're finally
seeing things my way,
- the spring legs way.
- What?
I thought you were finally seeing things
the bouncy ground way.
[growls and grunts]
[Flam Bingo] Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Is that two children moving a big piano
using their back muscles
and not their legs?
Aw, man, what are we gonna
bench press now?
[grunting]
Barry, face it,
my wish idea's just better.
[grunting continues]
Okay, yeah, I admit that
in opposite world!
[sighs] Look, we're not animals.
We can resolve this in a civilized manner.
Agreed. We must maintain decorum.
[shouting] You're acting like
a dumb dodo-head control freak!
- [gasps]
- Oh, yeah?
Well, you're a-- you're a tooty tag-along!
[all gasp]
[piano clangs]
Hey, hey!
There is no beefing
at Beefcakes in the Park.
You two gotta squash this beef.
Well, I feel better.
Talking it out with you
has really helped, Flam.
Talking to you has been so helpful, Klon.
I know what I have to do now.
I just have to calm down,
remember what's really important,
and then, when we get the horseshoe--
I have to shout my wish
before Kiff can say hers.
- Then she'll see
- Then he'll see
[both] that I was right
and the friendship will be saved.
[both] Uh-oh!
Oh, look at the time!
[music hall piano music playing]
- [piano crashes]
- [Barry] Ugh!
[both gasping]
What's that supposed to be?
Yeah, huh? It's the piano
you hired us to pick up from Agnes?
That's not a piano.
Um, say what now?
Don't you dumb kids
even know what a piano is?
It's curvy, it's made of brass,
you blow into it.
- [Helen makes horn sounds]
- [sighs] Helen, we did the job,
now would you please
fork over the horseshoe.
[serene theme playing]
- I wish the ground bouncy.
- I wish our legs were springs.
Mm, fighting about the wish, eh? Classic!
That ol' magic horseshoe
is never gettin' used.
- I said "spring legs".
- I said "bouncy ground".
Agnes and I could never agree
on what to wish for either.
We're out of sync.
How'd this happen?
Barry, I I want to take back
what I said
when we were getting bench-pressed.
It was totally out of line.
Me too! I feel terrible.
I was being a total Helen.
Unnecessary.
One more try?
- Ready if you are.
- [inhaling]
[both] I wish none of this had happened.
I wish we had never gone
to get the piano for Helen!
What? Wait! Don't wish for that!
[cries] No, my xylophone!
[laughter]
You thinking what I'm thinking?
I think I am.
[both] Wheelbarrow off into the sunset
with heartwarming music.
[heartwarming theme playing]
[Barry] Hey, remember
that whole stairs thing?
[Kiff] That was crazy.
- [Barry] That was the highlight.
- [Kiff] Oh, it was so amazing!
[narrator] Brought to you
by Al's Aluminum Foil.
Leftovers, foiled again!
Uh, Miss Deer Teacher, just reminding you
that a new student will be
joining your class tomorrow.
His name is Little Louis.
Yep, his desk is ready to go
and his name's on the roll call.
Very good! And as for showing
Little Louis around,
did anyone volunteer
for a "student ambassador"?
[scoffs] Take a guess.
[trumpet plays]
What a sash!
I'd also like to officially
take this moment
to officially announce that I've deputized
Barry Buns to be my second in command.
Maybe you should wear a sash.
The address is right over here.
Weird. I didn't think there were
any houses over this way.
No houses, just one big wall.
- Barry, look!
- [echoing voice] Hello!
The new kid is an actual kid. Cool!
[echoing voice] Once every 100 years,
a kid is born,
and when they are of age,
they have the option
to go to school for one day
and decide whether
they would like to return to The Wall,
or disconnect from the hive mind
forever. [echoing]
Wow! It's good you guys do that.
[echoing voice] Would you like
to hear a song about it first?
- About the thing you explained?
- The song explains it better.
Clippity-clop, clippity-clop
Clippity, clippity-clop ♪
We are Goat, The Wall of Goat ♪
Once every hundred years or so ♪
A kid is allowed to clop alone ♪
And today's kid is Little Louis ♪
Hello!
Yay! Hi! Cool! Hi!
[echoing voice]
We promise we won't check in
on Little Louis all day.
Okay.
[echoing voice] He has
the whole day to himself.
Yeah. Bye!
[frog croaks]
[plane engine roaring]
I wonder where it's going.
Here, Louis, this way.
Barry, this is cool.
We're not just showing
Little Louis around school,
we're gonna help him figure out
how to be an individual.
He's only ever been
another clop in the hive.
Gee, that's a lot of pressure.
Hey, you knew what you signed up for
when you donned that sash, pal.
[echoing voice] We wonder if we've reached
our destination yet.
Let us just have a quick check.
One little check.
Hmm, almost. Very good.
- [Kiff] Good morning, everyone.
- [school bell rings]
Please meet Little Louis.
[applause]
Louis, why don't you tell us
a little something about yourself.
We are goat, The Wall of Goat.
Hey, anybody got a question?
- Yes, Reggie?
- What's your favorite movie?
Ooh, what's your favorite movie?
Hot Mail.
My favorite movie's Hot Mail.
My favorite movie is Trouble with Friends.
My favorite movie's Trouble with Friends.
Ah, Louis, you're allowed
to have your own favorite movie.
- You know that, right?
- My own favorite?
Yeah, for example, my favorite movie
is Fighting Families
Valentine's Day Vacation.
- [students] Boo!
- Nobody likes
that movie anymore.
No? Huh, okay, I was kidding.
I like Trouble with Friends. Great film.
[agitated chattering]
[echoing voice] Our favorite movie is
The Four Horns of Jungle Island.
Final answer.
What? Wha-- What'd I do?
Why is everybody blinking?
What?
Recess!
The Four Horns of Jungle Island
was a musical from the '30s
- that featured an all-goat cast.
- I'd watch that.
No. I mean, I don't think
that's Little Louis' favorite movie.
I think that's
the Wall of Goats' favorite movie.
Well, he is part of a hive mind.
They said they weren't gonna check on him.
They lied. All 400 of them
got together and told a lie.
Wonder of wonders!
Oh! You like planes?
Wanna make your own?
I've got paper for days.
- Shouldn't we all be making one?
- Huh? No!
No, no, that's the beauty of recess.
You do whatever you want.
Look, Candle's holding court
at top of the slide,
Reggie's kicking rocks,
and Renee is doing beat poetry.
It's a blast.
[echoing voice]
Clippity-clop, clippity-clop,
clippity-clippity-clippity-clop,
clippity-clop.
Now, Louis, the best part of lunch
is that everyone gets
to decide for themselves
what they uniquely want.
You could choose between spaghetti,
eggplant parm or grilled cheese.
Grilled cheese!
I-- I've never had that before.
Ah, today's your day!
I'll have the [gasps]
Huh! No, no, no, no, no, no!
[echoing voice] Eggplant parm.
He wants grilled cheese!
[echoing voice] Eggplant parm.
Final answer.
He said "eggplant parm" twice.
He said "grilled cheese" first.
He's trapped in a hive mind.
Please give him the sandwich.
Do you think a kid wants eggplant parm?
Do you think anyone here
wants eggplant parm?
He asks for parm
- [wall voice noises]
- he's getting the parm.
- [grunting]
- [dishes clattering]
Oh, he's just snapped out of it.
Louis, what did you want for lunch?
Grilled cheese?
See? There you go.
Don't you wanna try your grilled cheese?
I guess I'm not very hungry.
Maybe I should return to The Wall.
Maybe I should return this sash.
It's not cool how The Wall
keeps checking in on you.
If only there was a way
we could foil them.
Huh?
Ooh! Wait a minute.
Barry, Louis didn't get his fair shot.
The hive was constantly chiming in
as soon as he got any momentum going.
He needs a proper day of self-discovery.
I hate The Four Horns of Jungle Island.
It was mediocre at release
and has only dimmed since.
Wonderful!
But won't they know something's up
if they can't connect with him?
Not if he's there on The Wall with them.
[wry laughter]
What?
Barry, you'll take Louis to school
while I take his place on The Wall.
At the end of the day, Louis can make
an actual informed choice.
Great! Now all we have to do
is dress Louis up as Kiff.
What?
That's not what we're doing.
Right. Right.
Louis, it's time to learn who you are,
what you love and what ya scorn.
I'd look great in foil.
[echoing voice] Little Louis,
we have returned.
Have we made a decision?
Uh, yes.
- I
- [echoing voice] I?
Uh we are about 85% decided.
Can I, uh, can we have
until the end of the day?
- We are Goat!
- [echoing voice] Yes, sure.
In the meantime,
we can rehearse our latest song.
Oh, boy! [feigned chuckle]
We are Goat, The Wall of Goat ♪
Grab a pen, jot down a note ♪
- [out of sync] Note.
- Louis, you are dragging
and you aren't saying
the first letter of each word.
You're just filling in
the rest of the word
after we say, "puh" for example,
and it is seems like
you don't think we notice.
What's going on, Louis?
Uh, let's watch our beloved 1930s hit,
The Four Horns of Jungle Island!
[all] Yippee!
[triumphant theme playing]
[students] The four legs of the table.
Stability, balance, firmness
and the other one.
[man on TV] Sergio,
do you not crave the mineral?
[laughs out of sync]
[upbeat theme playing]
[echoing voice] Louis, what is happening?
Where are we?
Oh, no, something must have
happened to Louis' tinfoil hat.
I'm at school still.
[echoing voice] What? Imposter!
Uh, sorry.
[echoing voice] This is
a very ungoatly situation.
I will not return to The Wall.
All right! [softly] No offense, goats.
[Louis] But I have also decided
not to return to school.
- Huh? What gives?
- [echoing voice] Please explain.
I have decided to pursue
a career in airplane design.
- Who is he talking to?
- You see, Kiff,
you unknowingly clippity-clop
with your own hive.
This school you love so much,
it's just another Wall
with different shapes of goat.
I mean, look at all of them
in their little tin foil caps.
It turns out everything's kind of a hive,
you just have to find the hive that suits
who you are as a solo goat.
So, it's not that hives are bad,
it's that being in
ill-fitting hives is bad
because then you betray yourself.
You disguise who you really are.
Kiff, it's Barry. Hey, isn't Louis
a little young to be an airplane designer?
That's the only real, like,
"Wait, what's that?"
about this whole thing for me.
Okay, thank you, bye.
Not really, I'm 105.
He's 105?
[echoing voice] Yes, he is of age.
I'm an adult kid.
I don't get y'all's hive.
["Top Gun" style theme playing]
[theme music playing]
Chirp.