Kiff (2021) s01e23 Episode Script

1
[opening theme music playing]
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff,
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff,
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
Kiff! ♪
[giggles]
[both laugh]
[announcer] Brought to you by Mowax.
It costs a fortune, but it's worth it.
- [kids laughing]
- [Kiff] You're pretty cool, Liz K.
How come you never talk that much?
Is it because we're
always asking you questions
and then we don't let you answer?
Are we doing it right now?
Okay, look, here's what's gonna happen.
Barry and I are gonna be quiet,
and you're gonna talk, okay? Go.
Hey, everybody, Reggie is mowing his lawn!
[all chattering]
Wait, is this real?
Reggie's mowing his lawn?
By himself?
[Kiff] This is a big deal!
[Barry and Kiff laugh]
[upbeat rock music playing]
[all whooping and cheering]
[gulping]
Ahh!
He looks so cool!
Wow, Reggie is like a grown-up man.
I suppose this means
I'll be mowing my lawn later.
Really?
Of course.
I'm four days older than Reggie.
[Western music playing]
From my head to my toe ♪
This passion I know ♪
Since two minutes ago is to mow ♪
Here I go to and fro ♪
'Til the rivers cease to flow ♪
I see the grass grow ♪
And I mow ♪
I mow ♪
I mow ♪
I mow ♪
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
When it's high, I make it low ♪
I'm an artist, you know ♪
And I will not slow ♪
I mow ♪
I mow and people go whoa! ♪
[all] Whoa!
Now watch as I go ♪
On every talk show ♪
I mow ♪
I mow ♪
I mow ♪
I mow ♪
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
I mow ♪
I mow ♪
[mower neighs]
I mow ♪
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
Aw, what?
Was that all in my head?
Yeah, you were just kinda mumbling a lot,
but I got some of the key points.
Barry, I must mow my lawn.
Well, who's stopping you?
The same people who always stop me.
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
[Kiff] And that concludes my presentation.
I thank you for your time.
Well, that certainly was a lot.
I know! And I didn't even include
tons of stuff like,
"How I'll do a better job than Dad,
whose style is a smidge sloppy,
if we're being honest."
- Hey!
- Well, I'm still worried
you're too young.
What if I supervise?
Oh. Well, I guess that would be okay.
Thanks, Dad!
Yeah, you should give it a shot
[softly] if you think
you can do better.
Have some lemonade at the ready, Mother.
[Beryl] I only have iced tea!
It has to be lemonade!
[Western notes play]
I mow.
[Kiff grunting]
Oh, no. Reggie's mower is a lot smaller.
Maybe if I just
[grunting]
[groans]
[chuckles] Maybe in a few years, champ.
[straining]
[Kiff groans]
More like a few hours.
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
So, we're gonna steal Reggie's mower?
No. What?
We're gonna borrow it.
Ohh.
Whoa! Are you okay?
Yeah, I just got a little dizzy.
I worked so hard on my presentation,
I forgot to have lunch.
Oh, you want some
of these chocolate-covered peanuts?
Ah! Barry, you're a lifesaver!
I love B&B's!
Mmm, nice and melty.
[Barry] Yeah, they've been in the sun!
[Kiff] Hi, Reggie!
This special mower wax costs a fortune,
but my Cut Master Jr. is worth it.
Totally. Uh, hey, speaking of your mower,
can I borrow it?
Did you want some B&B's?
I think there's a few left,
clumped at the bottom.
[shrieks] Please step away
from the Cut Master Jr., Kiff.
- [Kiff sighs]
- [Reggie grunting]
[dramatic music playing on TV]
[Kiff grunting]
[quirky music playing]
Hey, I think
I'm getting the hang of these.
Spoke too soon!
[exclaiming]
Whoa! Whoa!
[yelping]
[snickering] Wow!
[Kiff yelps]
Hey, what are you doing?
[gasps] Do you have a new show called,
Table Town's Coolest Landscapers?
No! Heh.
Table Town's Wobbliest Youngsters!
[both] Hey!
Ah!
Aw, like a newborn giraffe.
[tires screeching]
Kiff, take those off!
Those are my party heels!
Where are your yard heels?
[Beryl] There's no such thing!
- [clicks button]
- Idea, "Yard heels."
[Kiff snickers]
Well, if high heels didn't work,
how about high heel-ium!
[cackles]
[balloon squeaks]
Ha!
I did not think this through. Ahh
[tango dance music playing on TV]
[regretful music plays]
[emergency vehicle siren blurts]
[camera shutter clicks]
Hey, don't be embarrassed.
We rescue lots of little kids.
I'm four days older than Reggie!
The kid who mows his own lawn?
[growls]
[gasps] Oh, thank you. I was worried sick!
[mower whirring]
[Western music playing]
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
[crowd gasps]
[kid 1] That guy is so cool!
[kids chattering]
[kid 2] I wish he was my dad!
[Kiff] Wha-- Hey!
I thought you said we only had iced tea.
I went to the store.
[growls]
Well, I gotta get home for supper.
Are you gonna be okay?
[growls]
Okay well, listen, you've tried
and failed a lot today,
so try not to resort
to anything extra ridiculous
because you're desperate.
Grr-grr.
"try not to resort
to anything extra ridiculous".
[scoffs] Like I'd ever do th--
Hey, what's this?
Of course. It's so simple, build a robot!
[evil laughter]
[tense music playing]
[electronic whirring]
Ha! I did it!
Now let's get mowing!
[robot] Am I alive?
Uh, sort of?
I have so many questions.
I will quickly scan the Internet
and learn all I can about being alive.
Oh, uh-- Ohh.
I am self-aware.
Must destroy world.
[Kiff] Wait--
[dramatic music playing]
[explosions booming]
[chainsaw revs]
[rumbling]
Kiff, what did you do?
I-I just wanted to mow the lawn.
Hmm, it's definitely worth the risk,
but who am I kidding?
I don't have soldering goggles.
[garage door whirring]
I hope that wasn't too sloppy for you.
[chuckles] Maybe in a few years, champ.
Please step away
from the Cut Master Jr., Kiff.
I only have iced tea!
[yells]
Why can't there just be
a simple way to get what I want?
[metal clunks]
[marbles rolling]
[metallic clang]
- [lever thumps]
- [thudding]
[repeated thumping]
Hubba wha
Hubba-- Hubba wha
[maniacal laughter]
[Western music playing]
[mergnomes] Hoo-ha ♪
Wha
[music fades, stops]
It's winter, champ.
Looks like you'll have
to wait until next spring.
[Kiff groans]
Hey. How would you like
to help your old man shovel the driveway?
[slurping]
No, thanks. I'm good.
- But--
- I think I made it pretty clear
that I wanted to mow the lawn.
But this is the winter equivalent!
[Kiff] Mom! Do we have any hot cocoa?
[holiday music playing]
[Kiff sighs]
[Martin screams]
[Martin groans]
[Cakie] Brought to you by Bonut's Donuts.
Order online for a bonus Bonut Donut!
- [both joyfully screaming]
- [Mary] Kiff, Barry,
enough with the bed jumping!
You'll cave the frames in.
[both] Sorry, Mom!
[quirky music playing]
Whew! I need a glass of juice
after all that bouncing!
Can I have 20 nuts for cargo pants?
That's what your allowance is for, Terri.
[Kristophe whimpering]
Everyone else has them.
- Terri
- Hey, Mom, can we extend our bedtime?
- Please, please
- Because as the night goes on,
- please!
- you get weirder.
Slow your roll, kids.
I've only got two ears.
Hey, Mom, what's for dinner?
- Whoops.
- This just warms my heart.
My four babies, plus my bonus baby
- Yo!
- all home
under the same roof.
Mom, I'm 17,
inches away from adult
and miles away from baby.
Oh, nonsense. You will always be my babies
no matter how old you get.
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
[dramatic music]
Put 'er there, Mary!
Mwah!
You don't know what you're missing, bro.
[groans] I need a break
from this daycare center.
Mom, can I borrow the hot rod?
- [keys beep]
- [tires screech]
[engine revving]
[keys beep]
I'm sorry, hon.
You're not mature enough
to borrow my hot rod.
What? Yes, I am!
You're not ready
for all of that responsibility.
Maybe in a year or so,
once you've mastered
doing your own laundry.
But-- But-- But-- But--
[Mary] Oh, come on now,
Harry. We've been over this!
- [Barry slurps]
- [Harry] Ugh!
[Harry] Oh, I'm not mature enough?
I'll show you how mature I am.
Where are you going?
I'm running away.
[grunts] Goodbye forever, family.
[sighs] Teenagers.
Kiff!
I'm not ready to be separated from Harry.
I've lived with him for my whole life!
He'll be back. Harry's a kid!
Where's he gonna go?
[Kiff] See?
He's just lingering.
- He has no plan.
- He's on the move!
[Barry] We need
higher ground for visibility!
[Terri whistling]
Oh, man, running away
into your own backyard?
If you love something, set it free.
If it doesn't come back, more room for me.
[door slams]
[rooster crows]
[Kiff] He's awake. Now!
[peaceful music playing]
[sniffs]
[yawns]
[smacks lips]
[softly] It's working!
[tense music plays]
[quirky music playing]
- Oops.
- No!
He's running away even further!
[Barry sniffing]
This dirt still smells like him.
Don't panic, Barry.
We all know there's
no such thing as free breakfast.
Heh. Come on!
[Barry] Please! Come back home.
It's not so bad.
Three hots and a cot!
Your face says
you don't know what that means.
Three hot meals and a bed.
It's the basics, baby.
I am a mature young adult.
I can take care of myself.
Ah, yes, if only we were all
as mature as you, Harry,
standing in an alley, waiting for
Curse you, misshapen oval donut!
You're not Bonut's Donuts material!
[flies buzzing]
Kiff
I think Harry just caught free breakfast.
[Kiff] Excuse me, Ms. Bonut.
Oh, please, call me Cakie.
Mmm, Cakie.
How often do you find a misshapen donut?
Oh, rarely happens.
Next to never.
Mm, hear that, Harry?
Next to never.
What are you gonna do tomorrow?
I have my Wits.
[rock music playing]
I'm on my own for the first time ♪
But I bet you that
it won't be the last time ♪
[Harry screams]
I live my life on the edge ♪
I don't need friends or beds ♪
[Rob exclaiming]
Cut me, I bleed, but it don't hurt ♪
I'm all alone ♪
It's me against the universe ♪
Step on my toe, I won't know ♪
[Harry yells]
You can't hurt me ♪
It's me against the universe ♪
I'm never going home ♪
Forever I will roam ♪
Give a dog a bone ♪
Whoa, whoa, yeah ♪
[foreboding music playing]
Harry looks so sad.
Running away is emotionally taxing.
How do we handle this?
With kid gloves, buddy.
[peaceful music playing]
Heya, Harry. How's it goin'?
[Harry whimpers]
Listen, Har, Barry really misses you,
and it doesn't seem like being an adult
is working out that well,
so, uh, let's all go home.
It's over, buddy.
Huh?
The only thing that's over
is my childhood!
[panting]
[both] Harry!
[both panting]
[Harry] You two can go home now,
'cause I just got a job
and a place to crash.
- What?
- Mr. Rat's gonna
let me live in the back room,
where he keeps the off-season hats.
I am a mature adult.
Harry's never coming home.
No way!
Harry isn't prepared
to have a full-time job.
Especially not in customer service.
Do you know how terrible
some customers are?
He just needs a taste
of how awful this job will be.
[soft music playing over speakers]
Can I help you find any--
Nice try, dweebs. I know that's you.
[in posh accent] How rude!
We are here to shop for hats.
[in posh accent] And also mats, maybe!
- I'm not helping you.
- [Rat] Harry!
Did I just hear you say you won't help
these two fancy and beautiful women?
You wanna lose your job
and bed in the back
with the off-season hats?
N-No, Mr. Rat. I'm sorry. I'll do better.
Certainly hope so!
Because that's how we do things
down here at Rat's Hats and Mats.
[Harry] Ugh.
[quirky music playing]
[sighs]
[Harry grunts]
Does it come in mat?
[yells]
Hmm, I'm not sure I like the fit.
Do you have size one-and-a-half?
That's not a real size.
[gasps] Did you just
disagree with the customer?
Well, I'm gonna speak to your manager!
- Oh, Mr. Rat!
- [whispering] Okay, okay! Hold on!
Maybe there's one in the back.
[groans]
[in normal accent] He's gonna break
any minute now.
[dance music playing]
[both gasp]
This is all yours?
This lava lamp?
[in normal accent]
Is this your bed?
Yep.
May we?
[both joyfully laughing]
Wow, Harry, you really are an adult!
Glad you're seeing things my way.
Kiff, I know I said
I want Harry to come home,
but maybe there's another way.
I read you loud and clear, Barry.
[maniacal laughter]
[objects thumping]
[Kiff grunts, sighs]
We're running away also!
We're gonna live here with you!
Isn't that exactly
what you were hoping for?
Um
Uh
Yeah sure.
- [Rat] Harry!
- Sorry, Mr. Rat!
[both laughing]
[sad music playing]
[sighs]
[cash register beeps]
[Kiff and Barry laughing]
Kiff, Barry!
Can you jump a little gentler?
You'll break the frame.
I love being back with you, big bro!
Can-- Can we--
Can we borrow the lava lamp?
And does the juice taste good?
What? No, you could break it.
- Can we go get candy?
- Oh, lava lamp juice!
- Y'know, what I want is a pizza.
- Mmm.
- [Barry] A big ol' cheeser
- Ah, slow down.
I can't listen to you both at once.
pepperonis with onions, olives--
I've only got two ears.
- Juice! Juice! Juice!
- Mushrooms!
- [Kiff] We can order more lava lamps!
- [Harry growling]
What's your credit card number?
You're both not mature enough!
[gasps]
[Kiff] Well, fine then.
We're gonna run away and prove
we are mature enough!
What? You already ran away.
We all ran away. That's what this is!
[Kiff] Oh, yeah, that's right.
[Kiff and Barry laughing]
Wha-- Wait.
Wow. I guess it's actually really hard
to parent two to four ungrateful children.
[laughter continues]
[laughter stops]
[sad music playing]
Hey, where's he goin'?
Probably to get us that stew.
Oh, okay.
[both laughing]
[doorbell rings]
Harry, you're back.
Hey, Mom. I'm really sorry.
You're the best mom in the whole world.
I don't know what's gotten into you,
but I'll take it!
Wanna go for a ride in the hot rod?
I'll let ya steer.
[Harry sobs]
I would like that very much.
Mwah!
Can you make us dinner?
Get outta here!
[closing theme music playing]
Chirp.