Kiff (2021) s01e30 Episode Script

1
[theme music playing]
Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff! ♪
[music concludes]
- [giggles]
- [giggles]
[narrator] Brought to you
by The Suspect Wore a Bikini.
- It's a book.
- [seagulls screeching]
Kiff, how do you
still have fries?
The rest of us finished our food
forever ago in the car.
- [whimsical music playing]
- I like to savor, Barry.
- Observe. [savors]
- [dramatic music playing]
Don't you want
to polish them off
so we can get started
on some big beach day plans?
Barry, these cold fries
are my big beach day plans.
- Time to settle in.
- You said it, Kiffo.
What the heck is this?
I didn't drive us all the way
to Bannister Beach
- just to barely move all day.
- Then why did you?
To get buried, of course.
Did you all tune out
during my sob story
on the drive over?
How as a child, I was always
the bury-er, never the bury-ee?
How I've always dreamed
of becoming
the funny beach photo op?
Bringing folks
from all over the shore together
to admire my bravery
and funny floating-headedness?
You want us to bury you?
Yes, please.
[waves crashing]
- [dramatic music playing]
- You see that kid?
Um Yeah.
Cute little old seagull kid.
- [suspenseful music playing]
- Hmm.
- Oh!
- [Dennis] Hey, book dork.
Spike it back. We're trying
to play V-ball over here.
Sorry, I don't play
volleyball any Dennis.
- [upbeat music playing]
- [laughs] Well, well.
If it isn't
Beryl Butterfingers
[laughs] my old rival.
[huffs] That was
a long time ago, Dennis.
You still remember
how to pick up a volleyball,
- don't you? [laughs]
- [groans]
What was that all about?
Oh, Beryl has a super
weird thing about volleyball.
- Hasn't played in years.
- Oh.
- [seagulls screeching]
- [Kiff] Wow!
- Huh. Right there. Okay. [gasps]
- [seagull screech]
Barry, can we move
down the beach?
This kid
is really creeping me out.
- Sure.
- [dramatic music playing]
Time to get marveled at.
Huh? Hello?
Funny buried head here.
- [music plays over headphones]
- Oh, no.
- [upbeat music playing]
- Well, nice seeing you.
- Gotta go.
- Hey, everyone.
This is Beryl.
The second best
volleyball player
from my high school.
Second to me, of course.
[cackles]
Still laughing like that, huh?
Not that I care,
but just so you're all clear,
Dennis only won
the big volleyball championship
on a crazy technicality!
- [upbeat music playing]
- [crowd cheering]
- [whistle blowing]
- [music concludes]
You know
I was the better player.
[laughs evilly] Prove it!
Right now. Rematch.
- [dramatic music playing]
- [crowd] Whoa!
I mean, that kid
was being so weird
about my fries, wasn't she?
[chuckles] It's like, uh,
get your own fries.
- [gasps] I didn't notice.
- Oh, she was.
- [blows air]
- I'm just glad we shook her off.
Now, I can relax.
[mysterious music playing]
Gosh, I can't wait
to get my feet wet.
Just a couple more floaties,
and then I'm ready to wade in.
Wade? In the water? [gasps]
Leaving our fries, I [pants]
I mean stuff, unprotected?
- [music plays over headphones]
- Hey! [clears throat]
Very cool-looking buried guy
down here. [anxiously] Hello?
- Hey, Beverly, what's good?
- I can't hear you.
I'm wearing
noise-canceling headphones.
I'm trying to nap,
and I find the sound
of waves really grating.
- Going to sleep now.
- Interesting info.
- [dramatic music playing]
- Psst! Here, boy.
Go find my wife and tell her
I need help. Go on. Mush.
- Hey. Whoa, now. Whoa, now.
- [tense music playing]
- [clucks]
- [sighs in exasperation]
How are you
still this irritating?
- [clucks]
- Fine! I'll play.
If only to prove
once and for all
- that I'm the better player.
- Yeah.
Why else would you be doing it?
Okay. Now, pick your partner.
I call, uh, Donnie. [laughs]
- [dramatic music playing]
- [laughs] Look at him.
So, who are you picking?
I'm telling you,
that kid has French fry brain.
Uh [hesitantly] You go play.
I need to stay here
and stand guard.
Kiff, you are being paranoid.
That sweet little seagull
isn't after your fries.
She's like a million miles away.
And I gotta wade.
You're right, Barry. Um, sorry.
[dramatic music playing]
[mysterious music playing]
Phew. Oh, good.
I am just paranoid.
- [giggles]
- [giggles] Stop!
[suspenseful music playing]
- [seagull screeching]
- [music rises]
Uh About done here, Barry?
[Barry] Oh, look! A spiky thing!
Kiff
My floatie! Help!
[tense music playing]
- [blows air]
- [cheers]
- [gasps]
- [suspenseful music playing]
Your fries are gone?
But who could have done
such a thing?
- [tense music playing]
- I know who.
[dramatic music playing]
Oop. Tide's coming in.
Better move
our chairs back, everybody.
- [tense music playing]
- [gasps] The tide's coming in.
I'm doomed. Wait a minute.
When the tide gets here,
Beverly's feet will get wet,
and she'll wake up,
and she'll have
to move her chair back.
- [laughs] I'm saved!
- [mysterious music playing]
[clears throat] There you are.
Listen, I know and you know
that those are my French fries.
So, why don't you
just do the civilized thing
and give them back?
Come on, give me the fries.
- [suspenseful music playing]
- Give me, give me.
Give-uh the fries-uh to me.
[music rises]
- [screams, grunts]
- [seagull grunt]
[Kiff] Stop fighting!
You know these fries are mine!
- [grunts]
- [whimpers]
Finally, back with Mama.
- [cries]
- Oh, stop sniffing.
- [Brother Seagull] Hey!
- Oh, hi. Hello, hello.
Paws off our sister, Squirrel.
You got a problem with her
- [tense music playing]
- you got a problem with us.
Hey, look. [anxiously]
I was just taking back my fries
that she stole from my towel
while we were in the water.
You got any proof?
You think you're the only one
who brought fries
to the beach today? Look around.
- [music concludes]
- Uh I don't know what to say.
[mysterious music playing]
Good. I want you
make like a turtle
and walk away real slow.
[melancholic music playing]
[sinister music playing]
Oh! [scoffs]
Did nobody see that?
Hey, my kite.
Sorry, I couldn't see
the-- [mutters]
[gasps] Barry, we need to find
some more string.
I'm getting an idea here.
Well, I guess
it's you and me, Klon.
You feeling confident?
[sighs in exasperation]
- [music plays over headphone]
- [dramatic music playing]
[Beryl] Over here!
- [music rises]
- [grunts, gasps]
[echoes]
[echoes]
[echoes]
- [tense music playing]
- Beverly, wait!
You can't just leave me here!
The tide is [muffled screams]
[gasps, coughs] Okay.
[inhales deeply] No one's coming
to save you, Martin.
If you can't get yourself up
out of this hole,
maybe the only option
is to get yourself down
- out of this hole.
- [dramatic music playing]
[grunts, laughs, grunts]
Kiff, I found string.
- A ton of it.
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Now, for the bait.
- [gasps]
[adventurous music playing]
But, Kiff, that's your last fry.
[sighs] I know, Bar!
But I have a new hunger now.
A hunger for justice.
- Now, we wait.
- [waves crashing]
- [upbeat music playing]
- Let's do this.
- [crowd cheering]
- [grunts]
[grunts]
[grunts]
Caught ya, twerp! Red feathered!
[laughs] Look, everybody!
Witness the thief!
- Hey, look at that! She can fly!
- Hold tight to the string, Bar!
We can't let her get away!
Huh? Oh, gosh! Oh, no!
Tied score. Game point.
Just like in high school.
You got this, Beryl.
- [Beverly grunts]
- [grunts]
- It's heading for the net.
- [slowly] We're gonna win!
[music concludes]
- We win!
- [Kiff] Everybody look!
The kid's stealing
my French fry!
I'm not crazy!
Uh, Barry,
where did you find that string?
You know, I can't remember.
[cackles]
- What just happened?
- Good game, Butterfingers.
Glad we finally settled
who's better.
[huffs] Dennis, you didn't win.
That was another
completely bogus point.
[inhales sharply] Still
a sore loser. What a shame.
All right. Who wants to buy
the winner some French fries?
- Oh, yeah!
- Awesome!
- Beverly!
- I know.
But he's like
the most popular guy in school.
- Dennis, wait!
- You all saw that, right?
- That That kid had my fry?
- [music concludes]
- [dramatic music playing]
- Ah. What a day!
Beryl had that whole showdown,
and Kiff was all,
"Give me my fries!"
[laughs] And then
Martin's head popping up,
and then me
tripping over the kite.
It's [laughs]
It's like, "Walk much, Barry?"
- [laughs]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [sighs]
- Ah!
You did look pretty ridiculous
popping your head up, Martin.
Me? What about the kids dragging
that lifeguard tower?
[laughs] What was up
with that chicken's laugh?
- [laughs]
- He was like [mocking Dennis]
- [crowd laugh]
- You nailed it! You nailed it!
- That's it!
- [music concludes]
[narrator] Brought to you
by Tanks 4 Nothin' fish tanks.
Not really for nothing.
- [cheerful music playing]
- [crowd cheering]
- [indistinct chatter]
- School's out!
It's summer! Go home!
- You can't make us!
- Kiff, he's making me! [screams]
- [grunts]
- Barry!
Hot Bird Summer! ♪
- [grunts]
- [music concludes]
A whole summer
ahead of us, crew.
What are we supposed to do?
Well, I guess
we could hang by the pool.
Well, we can't use mine.
My dad turned our pool
into a half pipe.
- You're doing great.
- Don't let go, Tony.
Oh, no, I I mean my pool.
- What? You don't have a pool!
- [dramatic music playing]
[cheerful music playing]
Barry, how have you
never mentioned this before?
- [crowd cheering]
- Kiff, you know why.
Oh
- [crowd cheering]
- [Terri] Whoa, whoa, Barry.
What are
your little friends doing here?
This is a high school hang zone?
Terri, I invited
my friends over,
and they are now expecting
to get wet.
- As wet as--
- No way.
- You can't even swim.
- [crowd gasps]
Ugh! [groans, huffs]
Can we at least sit quietly
on the pool chairs?
No, our towels
are sitting there.
- Sorry, everybody.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- This is Barry's pool too!
- Yeah.
And pools are meant
for swimming, which he can't do.
Now, scoot away, babies.
So, if Barry learns to swim,
we can use the pool?
Hmm.
Terri, we're
out of watermelon again.
Ugh. Barry, go get us
some more watermelon.
Absolutely not!
You no be nice, me no be nice.
[whimpers] I need watermelon.
- [mysterious music playing]
- Let's make a deal.
If Barry learns how to swim
one whole length of the pool,
by the end of the week,
all this will be yours
to enjoy for the whole summer.
We'll even bring you watermelon.
But if he can't do it,
you gumdrops will have to spend
your summer serving us
all the fruit chunks we can eat.
- [gasps] Tiny butlers!
- [laughs]
- I'm not sure that, uh--
- You've got yourself a deal.
- [mysterious music playing]
- [whistling]
Now, we just have
to find somewhere
- for a swimming lesson.
- [horn honking]
Ah, move it! We're gonna be late
for the movies!
[tires screeching]
[dramatic music playing]
Take care of her.
- [both grunt]
- [vehicle drives away]
[pants]
Okay, Barry, climb in.
Let's see what you got.
- [tense music playing]
- Mm I'm scared.
Right. Of course it's scary.
You can't just jump in.
Baby steps, okay? Baby steps.
Let's start you
out of the water.
[adventurous
rock music playing]
- [gasps, breathes heavily]
- [music concludes]
[tense music playing]
[music concludes]
- He's doing it!
- He's really doing it!
- Wow!
- He's really doing it.
This is gonna be
the best summer ever!
[tense music playing]
- [giggles]
- [cheerful music playing]
- [giggles]
- [suspenseful music playing]
[music rises]
[screams]
- [screams]
- What is happening?
- [music plays in movie]
- [Barry's scream echoes]
- [screams]
- Barry.
[pants]
- Ba--
- [screams, breathes heavily]
- [screams, pants]
- Ba--
It was the Terrible. A dark,
evil monster of the deep.
- I remember now.
- [dark music playing]
[Barry] She told me
it's called the Terrible.
She said,
"It has marked you, Barry.
"And if you ever get back
in the pool,
"the Terrible will get you."
Probably why I never learned
to swim.
I can't do this!
I'm gonna ruin summer!
[somber music playing]
Okay. I'm calling
this whole thing off.
- Barry's freaking out.
- [crowd] Ugh!
Well, I'm not waiting
on teens all summer.
But there is no monster
of the deep. It's not real.
I know that,
but it's real to Barry.
He's just a little gullible.
What does gullible mean?
[sighs in exasperation]
Gullible means believing
whatever people say.
You hear about the Terrible,
and instead of saying,
"Oh, that's not real,"
your imagination just takes off.
When it could have been
anything that touched your foot,
like a decorative castle,
or even just your other foot.
So, what you're saying is,
is that you, Kiff Chatterley,
swear that there is no chance
the Terrible will get me.
Yeah. But, Barry, you shouldn't
have to get in the pool
if you don't want to.
I don't mind.
And let you become
Terri's butler
at such a tender age?
No, I can do this.
I'm not a gullible.
This summer is ours!
- [uplifting music playing]
- [crowd] Yeah, it is!
[upbeat music playing]
Back already?
Okay. Let's see you swim
across the entire pool then.
You got this, buddy.
[music concludes]
- [inhales deeply]
- [adventurous music playing]
- [crowd cheering]
- [sinister music playing]
[screams]
[screams echoes]
It caught me!
The Terrible!
I know those claws anywhere!
- I'm sorry!
- You were just swimming, Barry!
- You're so close, half a lane!
- [tense music playing]
- I need summer by the pool!
- Come on!
- [music concludes]
- It's over
- [crowd cheers]
- [speaks indistinctly]
- [upbeat music playing]
- Oh, my gosh!
Barry, think! Who told you
about the Terrible?
- Terri?
- Terri.
Terri Two Bowls.
"Terri Bowl." Terrible!
- [cheerful music playing]
- [giggles]
[sinister music playing]
[music rises]
- [screams]
- Shh.
[gasps]
[all gasp]
Okay, listen. In my defense,
it wasn't supposed to be, like,
a decades-long thing, you know?
The Terrible is you!
Look what you've done!
Its claws did have
pink nail polish, which means
which means Oh. I'm free!
- [upbeat music playing]
- Pinch me the Terrible!
I don't care!
[laughs] Barry's gonna
fly, baby.
- [crowd cheers]
- [Kiff] Go, Barry! Go!
- [inhales, coughs, laughs]
- He's a flier, baby!
- Cute!
- Aw, great form, bud!
- You go, little bro.
- [laughs]
[rock music playing]
We'll, uh,
take those slices now?
Guess a deal's a deal.
How much watermelon
can a few kids eat anyway?
[crowd cheers]
School's out
We had quite the year ♪
It just started then I blinked
And it disappeared ♪
Time sure flies
When you're having fun ♪
From a first sip through
To a swimming Bun ♪
Adventure, action
Laughter, fear ♪
We did it all
But now that summer's here ♪
We got nowhere to go
We got nowhere to be ♪
So, just sit here with me ♪
We got nothing to do
This is going to be ♪
The best summer
Can't you see ♪
There's a million things
That we could do ♪
But I'd rather do nothing
Right here with you ♪
The whole summer by the pool
Yeah, wow, that's cool ♪
I made a list of other things
You could do ♪
Maybe you could check it out
Way over there ♪
Out of my hair
And away from the pool ♪
Oh, this is comprehensive.
There's a lot
of great stuff on here.
Enough to fill
a whole 'nother year.
Yeah, thanks, Terri.
But summer is here
And we've got nowhere to go ♪
We've got nowhere to be
So, just sit here with me ♪
We got nothing to do
This is going to be ♪
The best summer
Can't you see? ♪
There's a million things
That we could do ♪
But I'd rather do nothing
Right here with you ♪
- Wait, Barry has a pool?
- Did someone say pool party?
- Get out of my way!
- Ooh, bikini season!
I'm down for a dip!
- Cannonball!
- Oh, wait.
No, I don't have
enough watermelon!
We got nowhere to go
We got nowhere to be ♪
So, just sit here with me ♪
We got nothing to do
This is going to be ♪
The best summer
Can't you see? ♪
There's a million things
That we could do ♪
But I'd rather do nothing
Right here ♪
We got nowhere to go
We got nowhere to be ♪
So, just sit here with me ♪
We got nothing to do
Except possibly ♪
Another key change
We got nowhere to go ♪
We got nowhere to be
So, just sit here with me ♪
We got nothing to do
This is going to be ♪
The best summer
Can't you see? ♪
There's a million things
That we could do ♪
But I'd rather do nothing
Right here with you ♪
- [birds chirping]
- [music concludes]
[gentle music playing]
- Chirp.
- [music concludes]