Killing Eve (2018) s04e08 Episode Script

Hello, Losers

1 No! No! Please, no! You can't have her.
She's mine.
No! No, no, no, no! Huh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh! Huh! Where are you? I'll find you! You've trespassed.
I'll kill you! Huh! Arggh! Oh! Villanelle! Hey! Were you watching that? What? Do you want me to say thank you? Jesus I know where they are.
Or where they will be.
And we don't have much time.
Konstantin said you'd know how to decode this.
It's Helene's.
You steal phones from corpses now.
They don't know she's dead yet.
They're having a meeting and this is our chance.
And this is why you're here? You know why I'm here.
You want this as much as I do.
What did you do to her? Why? Are you looking for inspiration? Villanelle! Amateur.
Oh, are you kidding me? Hey! Jesus! Oh! Villanelle! Oh, God She's coming.
Oh, come on, come on, come on! Oh! Jesus! Oh! I will kill you bitches! Engine, engine.
Villanelle! Oh! Villanelle! No signal.
Well, maybe we can tether it.
Is your phone working? Are you gonna help? You just don't get it, do you? You don't want to say it? Fine.
I don't care.
But I can.
I need you, Villanelle.
I came all this way to be with you and, I mean, in the middle, of like, nowhere! You're angry.
I'm angry.
You're hurt.
I'm hurt.
That is life, and we're running out of time.
So you need to stop pouting and being a suck face and get on with it.
Huh! Oh, don't Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Stop it! Stop stop it! Are you kidding me? - Stop ! - Hey! Are you two okay? All good, thanks.
I am the rage of all women condensed to the point of explosion I'm the silence of violation finally broken I am the joke behind the eloquent feminist slogan And I will not behave myself Your accent is terrible.
You sound like a drunk bat.
Come on, then.
Quick, march.
Into the skies and out of control Get ready for my dangerous soul Unshakeable heart, unstoppable change Now I see the bars of this cage - Oh! - Huh! Mary Poppins.
- Oh, jeez.
- Oh, the storms 'round here! They come on in no time.
We couldn't leave you out there in the elements.
- Could we, bubba? - Oh, that's right, honey.
Mwah! Oh, it'll probably blow over by morning.
Until then, I guess we just get to know each other.
- Yeah? - Chat.
It might be fun.
So how did you guys meet? Yeah.
Oh, she stalked me, drove my husband away, left me with nothing.
She stalked me.
She put me in prison.
She tongued my boss.
Oh, no! - You - I'm so gullible.
- Oh, God.
- How about you two? You Well, um - I'm gonna Yeah, I'll tell her.
- Yeah, you.
Yeah, okay.
My Sorry.
Maggie gave me a kidney.
I was in hospital visiting a friend and Donnie was in the next bed on dialysis.
I thought he was cute.
I thought she looked like she had a kidney spare.
Only kidding.
And then six months later - Shall we? - Yeah.
- Ta-da! - Look at that.
Kidney twins.
We are bound together forever.
- That's true, baby.
- Oh, my bubba.
Oh, I love you, I love you I love you.
I love I love you! This place used to be owned by an Austrian woman who came here as a child on a Kindertransport.
When she died, she gifted the whole house and everything in it to the British government as a way of saying thank you.
I'm sure she'd be thrilled with you manhandling her crockery.
Do you want to know why I got into this job? Would a 'no' deter you? I believe in what we do and I know it might surprise you to hear this, but I take pride in protecting our country.
Well, the good bits anyway.
Not so much the eggy bits.
And I do the unsavoury things that we all have to do because I believe that they are necessary for the greater good.
But you? I think you love the unsavoury.
You get off on the lying and the sneaking around and the little nod to somebody on a Monday morning that gets somebody a thousand miles away killed.
Aren't you even a tiny bit ashamed of yourself? Unplug the listening devices.
All of them.
That's the lot.
Your nice new girlfriend from the home counties, Melanie is actually a Russian agent from Vladivostok.
- Bollocks.
- We've seen a lot of those too.
You really have hit her with a deluge of penis portraits.
She did move in with you bizarrely quickly, don't you think? Or maybe someone with your vanity wouldn't notice that.
She's probably there now, all alone, free to ransack through your sordid little bits.
Would you bring in my bags before you Ugh.
- Okay, are you ready? - No, no, no! - It's it's okay! - I'm scared, I'm scared! - It's gonna be fine.
Relax, relax.
- Whenever you do it All right, all right.
Just do it.
The moon! I love this card.
This is a really mysterious card.
This means you have to trust your intuition.
I think I might kill them.
I think I might help you.
Do you guys want me to read your tarot? You totally should.
It's like she can see into your soul.
So I'll do a simple three-card reading.
The first card represents the past, the second the present and the third the future.
I'm complicated.
The tower.
That speaks of chaos and destruction in your past.
Can you think of why that might be? Let's have a look at your present.
Mmm, the lovers.
Now, normally, it would denote unity, but the card is upside down so it speaks of the opposite.
Is there any unresolved conflict in your partnership? Do my future.
The sun! The sun? That's one of the best cards you can get.
The sun is magnificent and holy.
Whatever path you walk down, you'll be blessed with a celestial light.
The sun is life.
Okay, you know what? Do my future.
- Don't shove the sun.
- Let's go.
I can do you a three-card reading too.
I don't want that.
I just want the future, the last one.
Okay, what do you want? 24 hours.
And a taxi to Hampstead.
They're just cards, Eve.
- There's no such thing as fate.
- Really? What's this, then? You're a lot today.
I'm a lot every day.
One of her organs is inside of him and they still can't piss in front of each other.
I wouldn't take it too seriously.
Hey, are you two okay sharing a sleeping bag? What are you doing? We're walking in a curved line into something new The birds are watching every step I take Beneath the stars, beneath the moon There is a hole Shall we steal their stupid campervan? It's covered up in darkness Yes.
But then there is something Moving against me It's not in line With the world I know Oh, okay.
So the nearest truck stop isn't that far.
Maybe they'll have a phone charger.
I can't believe Helene's phone dies now.
What do they even have at truck stops? Trucks.
Feed me one, will you, honey? Sure thing, bubba.
Eugh Oh, did you get the coffee one? - Yeah.
- Mm, that's karma.
But don't forget It's me who put you where you are now And I can put you back down too Don't, don't you want me? You know I can't believe it When I hear that you won't see me Don't, don't you want me? You know I don't believe you When you say that you don't need me It's much too late to find You think you've changed your mind You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me, oh-oh-oh-oh? Don't you want me Oh, my God, they do curly fries.
Curly fries? What? Can I use this? Yes! Yes! This had better be good.
I have 22 hours and I would like to take The Twelve down before suppertime.
Konstantin's dead.
I killed him.
With a pizza cutter.
Is that it? He wanted me to tell you he always loved you.
And to give you this.
You could've posted it.
I just thought maybe Well, now you've told me.
Wait! You're a psychopath.
- I love mustard! - It's messed up.
I'm the psychopath? Please.
What? Go for it.
Okay, we have an address.
The Barn Swallow? Are you sure this is the right location? It's what the postcard said.
That's the pub by MI6, cheap tossers.
One time, me and Bill were in there and saw a man vomit into his pint glass and then drink it.
You murdered him on a dance floor in Berlin.
Of course.
I remember Bill.
So do I.
What's your name? Pam.
Pam, I've made two discoveries in the last year.
Firstly, that I look exceptional in linen.
Truly unbeatable.
And, secondly, that emotions or feelings, as people apparently like to call them nowadays, are at best an inconvenience and at worst a total scourge on one's freedoms, guilt and shame especially.
Don't let them take hold.
This reminds me of my daughter, so tranquil and serene.
- Is she ? - Oh, alive and well.
Just supremely irritating.
Um Don't open your mouth.
I've just seen a dead fox.
Oh! Ahh! Ugh.
Take your time to read The things you see in me And when you feel alone Just come away, let's go The time it takes to fight You are left behind Just leave it all and stay I won't be far away Where we are You will find another light to chase They come, they go away We're here to stay, the broken Where we are You will find another light to chase You come, you go away Where we stay Upstairs rooms are all empty.
Cellar just had a guy in there eating pickles straight from the jar.
How wretched.
Shall we go? Carolyn.
How are you? - I miss Havana.
- Me too.
The music, the dancing.
The inebriated nudity.
Could you two give us a moment? Mmm Whatever muck you intend to sling, please spare me.
Actually, I wanted to thank you.
How disconcerting.
If you hadn't spotted me in that meeting the morning after Bill's karaoke party I wouldn't even be here.
I'd still be warming my tea in the microwave.
One of the great unspoken truths of life, Eve, is that people behave exactly as you expect them to.
Take you, for example.
You're about to embark on some mad endgame when in fact you know, deep down, you're just a woman who likes an inappropriately timed croissant on a hungover Sunday morning.
And you are gonna race me to it even though you know, deep down you don't have an excuse anymore.
You knew who killed Kenny.
You just pretended not to so you could keep playing the game.
I was going to do that, yes.
But now I'm going to behave exactly as you'd expect me to and do something different.
I'm sorry about Konstantin.
He's dead? Finally, the head honchos of The Twelve in one room.
You can have this one, Eve, with my blessing.
It's always been mine.
Pamela? Change of plan.
We're going for a walk.
They changed location.
I owe you a dare.
- What's happening? - I This can't be right.
I mean, it looks like a wedding.
Let me see.
They're here.
We've got to get on before it leaves.
I don't know why it's so popular.
It's as if ice had only just been invented.
Did you want to go up the London Eye? My information is no use 300 feet in the air in a pod of other people's flatulence.
I see.
Feeling homesick? Surprisingly, yes, but you don't go back to MI6 empty-handed.
What's the plan? Whatever Eve and Villanelle are gonna do is happening.
Perhaps that's what I wanted.
You can't win the game unless the game is on, can you? Who are you loyal to? Even loyalty is a dubious virtue except when it's to me.
Now, let's not pussyfoot around.
Do you want the job? No.
Thanks for the coffee.
- Hi there.
- Hi.
How do we know who The Twelve is? We might just have to kill them all.
- The boat's about to leave.
- That's everyone.
Uh, she's not here yet.
Are you Natsuko? Yes.
- Oh! - Natsuko! Thank God.
- Yes! - We've been calling you for ages.
- Oh.
- I thought I was gonna have to officiate my own wedding for a moment there.
- Come.
Follow me.
- We're starting now.
Come on.
Great! Oh! Distract them.
Just through here.
Uh You are a handsome man.
You are also a handsome man.
Together you are two handsome men.
But also so much more than that.
Relationships are a lot of work.
They require effort.
And you will have tough times.
Sometimes you'll feel like you're losing your way, and sometimes you'll feel like you're losing each other.
But the beauty in your relationship will be found in the ways you reunite.
Have you ever heard of kintsugi? Okay, kintsugi is the Japanese art form of gluing Stay with me here.
It's a way of gluing broken pots back together with gold.
It actually strengthens the pot.
It's a way of bonding to create something new something completely your own.
Uh, you may now kiss the groom! Hello, losers.
Yeah, yeah, mmm It's like candy I can feel it when you walk Even when you talk it takes over me You're so dandy I wanna know Can you feel it too just like I do? Just like I do? This stuff is starting now It's the same feeling I always seem to get around you There's no mistaking I'm clearly taken By the simple mere thought of you Oh! This stuff is starting now, stuff is starting This stuff is starting now This stuff is starting now Ooh! My eyes roll in my head I toss and turn in my bed I did it, Eve.
Uh don't you mean 'we' did it? Yeah, but mostly me.
Oh! Uh Oh Eve, Eve - Oh, my ! - Jump, Eve! No! Try to keep it quiet But you know how it is When you're alone I've been thinking about you I've been thinking about you She knows what she likes She doesn't know what she likes Here is a testimony Of our love She throws her life away She never knows what to say Standing in a cold room I die a little Cry a little And try to pick up The pieces Jolly good.
I've been thinking about you I missed everything about you
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