Killjoys (2015) s04e01 Episode Script

The Warrior Princess Bride

Previously on "Killjoys" Johnny Jaqobis, lover of ships.
Yale Yardeen, killer of men.
Where did you get the child, Aneela? Why does she look like you? She's the me I should have been.
She's your good wolf, Papa.
We put memories into the green.
We can't take them out.
I can.
I did it.
Your whole life in one tiny pin.
You will pay for everything.
I remember you.
Who is the Lady? The end of everything if she gets out of the green.
Let's make a deal.
We stop trying to kill each other long enough to kill her.
Dutch! I'm sorry.
- Where are we? - I call it the Green Space.
The space between all the memories.
How do we know where to find the Lady in here? Let's go give her hell.
You found her? I think she found us.
Be strong, Yalena.
You be strong.
I'll be injured.
What did she do to her? I don't know yet.
It hurts.
I'm afraid I can't help you with that.
Go, keep watch.
Hurry.
- How 'bout a story? - Khlyen A true story.
A memory of yours I need you to hold on to.
Stop.
A story can't save my life.
This one can.
If you listen to every word.
Good.
When the nights were long and the days were deep There lived a warrior And the thief who was about to save her life.
Last call for boarding.
Q Cluster.
Where's the ball? - You cheated! - Best out of three? Whatever he owes you, I'll cover it.
How 'bout a little insult tax for thinking we're stupid? How about 50 joy? - Hey - Not good enough.
Happy hour in the Orbit Lounge.
If I lose my temper, you lose your balls.
Take it and go.
Let's go.
All ships arriving from the Venn Sector must proceed to level 42 for decontamination.
You okay? Thought I was gonna have to step in there - What were you thinking? - Ow! What were you thinking? That was our last 50 joy.
I could've taken those guys.
To what, dinner? Hey, I am a deceptively athletic individual.
You're wanted in about 10 billion zones, and my people are probably still hunting me for my husband's murder.
We can't risk the attention.
And we can't keep running from all that with a dry tank and zero joy.
Look you're a big, fancy royal lady.
You're used to a softer way of life.
I get that.
And this is probably all beneath you.
But good manners will not fill your ship's tanks, and we are this close to being out of fuel.
I know.
Look, while you've been grifting, I've been handling it like a grown-up.
- How? - Got us a day job, Princess.
A job? Ugh, gross.
A hauling contract: 24 crates of beet wine.
The pay should hold us for a few weeks, and we can look for more while we're there.
So where are we headed? A place called the Quad.
Ever been? All heroes need a home to fight for.
Our warrior and her thief were about to meet theirs.
They loved it immediately.
You know, you never hear anything exciting happening this end of the J.
You wanna know why? Because nothing exciting ever happens this end of the J.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, noted again.
Look, I'm not asking you to love it.
We get paid, we get fueled, and we get out.
Promise.
- Snob.
- Ha.
Okay, then, land us at the intake coordinates.
Understood.
Approaching Westerley.
Listen, ship I know we got off on the wrong foot, but this is getting weird.
It's been months since I stole you.
Attempted to steal me.
You failed.
You are a failure.
Thanks, Mom.
Again, I'm super sorry.
Might you be so kind as to open the door? I'm watching you, John Jaqobis.
Not creepy at all.
- - Entering Old Town airspace.
Permission to dock granted.
Company authorities require mandatory inspection.
Submit documents to Senior Officer Oonan.
All right, what do we got here, then? 24 crates of beet wine, signed, sealed, and nearly delivered.
Import docs.
I'm not sure what the hells that's for, but it means shit-all here.
- This is a closed zone.
- Meaning what? Well, only two groups are allowed to import to the Quad: the Company and Killjoys.
Everyone else is smuggling.
That'd be you.
Seize the cargo.
Hey.
Hey, you can't do that.
Because underneath this gruff exterior lies the heart of a puppy? No, because we took this job in good faith, and we don't get paid unless we deliver.
Then I guess you better pay the fine, son.
10,000 joy end of day, no exceptions.
Meanwhile, we impound your ship.
Have a nice day in Old Town.
Try the sexers.
Avoid the pork.
I hate this place.
Trapped in a strange land, our heroes did what heroes do and went in search of answers and ale.
So now we have no money and no ship.
This trip of yours is going great, by the way.
A-plus.
Uh, we didn't order anything yet.
Oh, honey your faces did, as soon as you walked in that door.
- This round's on me.
- Thank you.
You really want to feel better? Tell me your flavor, and I can recommend some sexers upstairs.
Are they hiring? We could use the cash.
Wha yeah, no, I'm kidding.
Mm, our loss.
Oh, those baby blues, whoo! Mm! You'd never go hungry.
Who the hells can raise 10,000 joy in one day in a shit town like this? No one can.
No one can.
It's gotta be a shakedown.
I bet they pull this shit on all the out-of-towners.
They're probably just looking for a bribe.
With what money? You used the last of it to save my spectacular ass on Laryon.
Fine, we tried it my way.
Now we'll try it your way.
Go and do your, you know, gambit hustle thingy.
Are you saying that I'm an expert and that you might in fact need said expertise? Sure.
Watch a master at work.
Mmm.
Let's get my con on.
Oh, Gods, help us.
Oh I'm sorry.
Sorry, buddy.
Hey! How are ya? So good to see ya.
Oh, sorry, buddy, wrong guy.
Hey, my friend's getting into a fight.
100 joy says he wins.
Blue eyes? Hey! Give me my wallet! Grab that guy! Three against one? Yeah, I'll take that action.
- Ahh! - Johnny Hey, look, I got this.
I'm just playing the long game.
Yeah, well, your long game is leading us to a very short death.
All right, all right.
Everybody calm your shit.
You, new guy, come with me.
I don't think so.
Oh, no? You know what this is? What was that? What did you do? I felt something.
This is important.
May I continue? The man held up his badge to the warrior, and he said - You know what this is? - No but I know what this is.
Ahh! I'd stay very still if I were all of you! Lovely town.
Nice to meet y'all.
Tip your bartender.
I thought you said no breaking the law.
I said you shouldn't.
You're no good at it.
I'm bloody amazing.
Well, let's just agree that we're better at grifts together.
Hey, maybe we found our niche.
We can go up and down the J, never go hungry again.
Here.
Keep it.
Why are you giving me your cut? Because you'll need it to get out of here, - away from me.
- What are you talking about? Oh, hi.
Hi there.
It's me again.
I got an update for ya.
You've been locked and served.
She's found us.
It's spreading.
What happens when it reaches my heart? It's not the heart that matters.
When it reaches your mind, she'll break through.
She'll know everything.
Whatever you're doing, you better hurry.
She'll be here soon.
Every battle has a crisis that seems unwinnable, - - and the warrior was about to face hers.
Let me lead.
I've been through this a million times on a million different planets.
Only you would brag about multiple arrests, dingus.
You must focus on the details of the story.
That's why it needs telling.
It's a venous lie detector.
Don't waste my time.
Were you arrested today with an unnamed adult female? Check, check.
Testes, testes.
Just answer.
Yes.
What is the nature of your relationship? Complicated.
Are you a couple? No.
Do you wish you were a couple? - What? - Do you have sexual dreams about Whoa! Whoa! Hey, now.
I have rights.
This is still a J colony.
You can't just keep us here.
In what universe? She shot me, a RAC agent, in front of a room full of witnesses.
That's fake news.
Occupation? Debutante Space cowboy Carrot.
So much for unbeatable tech.
What are you running from? - Who says I'm running? - Your partner.
He told us everything about you.
- Bullshit.
- Because he wouldn't do that or because he doesn't know everything? See, 'cause I'm pretty good at reading people, and I peg you two being together about, what, six months, a year, tops? And you seem like someone who works alone, so what are you keeping him around for? Fall guy? Cover - He's my friend.
- Nah.
Betting you don't have those.
What are you doing in my Quad? Leaving.
All right.
I got a cold dinner and a hot wife to get to.
Come on.
Let's go.
I'll take you to processing.
Hold up.
Hills put a courtesy hold on these two.
Wants you to bring 'em by for questioning.
About what? "Theft of property and crimes against the Company.
" We've been on this stupid moon six hours.
What the hells did we steal? No flaming idea.
Here.
Security cam footage from three hours ago.
Keep an eye on your crates.
Killed the cams and six layers of auto locks on the door.
A very clever break-in, by the way.
Full marks.
So what did you take from here? Look, whatever your shitty new shakedown is, we're not playing.
Crimes against the Company carry 15 years' labor minimum.
I just peed a little.
Look, it can't be them.
They were with me three hours ago.
Okay, so they're not working alone.
Ah, come on, Hills, you got vapor here.
Look, I got these two dead to rights.
Please do not screw up my processing with your Company bullshit.
If it wasn't for Company bullshit, you Killjoys would barely have any work in the Quad.
Hey! You didn't check all the crates.
Remote trigger EMP.
Can detonate this from a million miles away.
So? So obviously somebody used us as mules to get in your cage so they could bust something else out.
Which still means shit on toast to me until you tell me what was stolen.
Poison.
Hallcyon, by the smell.
One touch is all it takes.
It liquefies the pleural lining of your lungs.
You drown on dry land.
Wow, you know an awful lot about gross poisons for a debutante carrot.
Girl's gotta have a hobby.
It was either this or pole dancing.
Look, Hills, you make me arrest them for theft, now everyone's gonna know that you lost the poison, right? Somebody gets killed, that shit comes back on you like a goddamn boomerang.
What's your offer, Killjoy? Leave 'em in my custody.
Put out a big, fat warrant for the missing goods.
I'll claim the warrant, find the poison, and nobody knows the difference.
And you collect a shitload of cash.
Well How are you gonna find the poison? Well, the drinks here are delightful.
- Shut up.
I'm thinking.
- About? How to use you two to solve this shit sandwich you've made.
Uh, you do realize you have an elite assassin in town, right? This is Westerley, kid.
We're not fancy.
You can pay someone half a pickle to knock off your husband and still get back change.
Okay, that import was for custom seizures.
Everything held in that lockup - came from your Quad.
- So? Well, assassins are very particular about their weapons.
They bring their own.
So if the poison came from the Quad, so did the killer, which means the target is of high value.
Johnny, why don't you go and get us some more of those delightful drinks? Hey, give me a knife.
Wanna rephrase? A tool, to help crack this baby open.
Mm-hmm.
- Anything for you, blue eyes.
- Thank you.
Okay, so what makes you such an expert - on catching assassins? - I am an assassin.
Bullshit.
Prove it.
You want me to murder you right here? I'd prefer you didn't, thank you.
What's your favorite way to kill someone? Long pin through the ear.
Pierces the brain, looks like an aneurysm.
Gross.
What's the antidote for Nylex poisoning? No such drug.
Where's your gun? Okay, enough.
You're creeping me out.
You need me.
It takes a pro to find one, and you're not up for it.
That's because you shot me.
Because you're known here.
Listen, I'm a nobody.
I can get to places you can't.
I take the risk, you take the reward, and then you let us go.
Look, everyone here saw you shoot me.
I can't let you skate on that.
Kay.
Just John, then.
I do this for you, and Johnny and our ship go free today.
Okay, well, if I am in fact talking to a master spy assassin, you know what this is.
Soluble tracker.
Normally I like to slip it into my mark's drink without them knowing, 'cause I'm a classy bitch like that.
Now you fail, I find you, and you and your boy get thrown into the kinda small hole people don't come back from.
Deal? Deal.
Johnny.
I can't believe you got him to cut us loose.
That's some fast talking, Queenie.
Yeah, well, none of it means shit if we don't come through with that poison.
Ta-da.
Now, this little bugger works via remote relay trigger, and that trigger used a specific frequency.
Now, I reversed that frequency, so instead of receiving the signal, it's sending it back.
So we can follow it? We have been following it.
It's coming from right in there.
You really are great, you know that? I've heard the rumors.
So how do you wanna play this? - Killjoys! This is a raid! - Killjoys! Show me your hands! - Don't move! - Don't move, you scumbags! - Man - Okay, all right.
Where's your badge? - Ooh! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That's my badge.
You wanna see it again? No, man, we're good.
We're good.
So who's responsible for this? Yeah, that's right, I reversed the frequency.
Where's the poison, Larry? - It's Ian.
- Of course it is.
I hate this place.
Look, I don't know anything, okay? I was just hired to steal shit from the impound - and hand it off.
- Oh, come on.
Clever guy like you? You must know where I can find it.
- No.
- Okay.
You sure about that, Larry? Whoa, where'd you learn that? Princess self-defense classes.
It was a tough kingdom.
Who's the target, and where is he? All right, look, I know where the hit is, but good luck getting in.
Humor me.
A Tenyer retreat on Qresh.
Only the highest class types get in.
Oh, not a problem.
I clean up good.
You're super gonna wanna ice that, Larry.
- It's Ian.
- Mm-hmm.
Qreshi marriage contracts expire every ten years.
Tenyer, or "ten-year," retreats are a "safe, sane way for married individuals "to try different partners before deciding whether to renew their marriage.
" That's a very classy way of saying "bang pass.
" Well, divorce is complicated with lands and titles.
You know, my people don't even allow it.
We're married until we die.
Well, in my family, we just stay married till we wish we were dead.
Much more civilized.
John, I lied.
- Pardon? - The clemency deal.
It isn't for both of us.
It's just for you.
Look, I was the one who shot Joe.
I should be the one who pays for it.
That's not how teams work.
But we aren't a team.
Bullshit.
What are we? Look, it's been fun.
It it really has.
It Oh, oh, oh, okay, please, do not give me the "it's been fun" speech.
But we knew it had to end eventually, right? What are you doing? Hey People who get close to me always get hurt.
I'm not gonna do that to you.
Then don't do this.
Have to.
Lucy, once we land on Qresh, get him out of here.
Leave the Quad, and don't come back, understood? Orders understood.
I'm sorry.
The thief was many things: a teller of tales, a molester of ships.
Not good enough for either of my daughters.
I'm telling John.
Well, whatever else he may have been, a quitter he was not.
Warning: attempting breach will result in electroshock.
Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't ya? Been wanting to fry my ass since we met.
You overestimate your value to me.
Yeah? What about her value? Your captain.
Don't your protocols make you give a shit about her? My directive is to follow her orders.
I am following her orders.
Listen, if you're gonna work with humans, you better get this straight They rarely say what they really mean or ask for what they really need.
That's inefficient.
Why do you think I like machines so much? You have damaged my defense protocol.
A few more minutes, and I can rewrite your entire damn directive so you have to obey my orders.
- But I'm not gonna do that.
- Why not? Because I don't want your obedience.
- I want your help.
- With what? Saving your captain from herself.
Now, search your files.
While I've been on this ship, have I ever done anything to harm her? - No.
- And has she indicated anything other than trust in me? - No.
- Then given those variables, you gotta make a decision right now.
Will you trust me? Processing.
You know, if I was smart, I would just sell your ass on the black market.
All my troubles, pfff, gone.
Gods, it's hard being noble.
I will trust you, John Jaqobis.
Get your engines pumping, girl.
We got a queen to catch.
Tenyering alone? Take it this is your first time? We married young.
The bloodline needed a boost.
Well, you're in for a treat.
Your selection bracelet.
Whenever you meet someone who interests who, simply point to the bezel and click.
How does the sex happen? If the interest is mutual, our system arranges a discreet rendezvous.
Like a nightly dance card but for the sex? Well, it's been ten years, right? Why not dance while you can? Just need your identification logged, and you can start your retreat.
Identification? Sure.
Sweetheart did you forget your credentials again? Some days, I'm more butler than husband.
Here you are.
Separate keys, separate suites.
Happy Tenyer, you two.
Yay.
- I hate you.
- Me? Why the hells are you following me? We've been here five minutes.
I already saved your ass.
You need me.
No, you just need to feel needed.
Obviously.
Still rude to say.
Fine.
But once we're done here, we're done.
- I have a plan.
- How? We don't know the target or the killer.
Yeah, but we know the method.
Cocktail social is beginning in the main lounge.
Are you wearing this to the party? I had to find something fast.
You don't like it? - You don't like it.
- No, it's fine.
You look fine.
God, you are the worst wife ever.
I already wanna fake-divorce you.
Fine by me.
This gives a whole new meaning to "cocktail party.
" We could do worse as far as kinky vacations go.
What is that? "Titles, lands, and chattels, verified health history.
" Way to overcomplicate boning.
This is about more than sex.
They can get that anywhere.
They probably don't even consider sleeping with the lower classes cheating.
Well, if it's not about sex, then what is it about? Deciding whether to stay with the partner you have or risk it with someone new.
Try before you buy.
So what's your genius plan, if I'm apparently so shit at them? The killer will be faking their identity like we are.
Okay, we can hack that totem system, - see if they left a trail.
- Good.
But it won't happen here.
They need to go somewhere private before dosing their victim.
Somewhere like a bedroom date? Exactly.
Look for someone who has manipulated the system to match with their target tonight.
Well, now you're talking my language.
Leave the tech to me.
About what you said Not now.
I need to go and survey.
Good luck.
The spark is still there, champ.
Don't let her go.
I'm working on it.
Okay, just simmer down.
I'm standing right here.
Jeez.
Okay, I'm in my room.
See what I can find to hack the system.
Mm-hmm-hmm.
- Hmm.
- Johnny, what have you got? A handful of good vibrations.
Hello, and welcome to your audio-visual enhancement system.
I'm pulling a profile up for you now.
Harvost Mueller.
Got it.
Killer or target? I don't know for sure, but I'm betting he's the target.
His profile seems blocked from matching him to any other guests tonight, leaving him wide open for an attack.
Good.
I'll get him to his room and guard him.
You keep trying to ID our assassin, and whoever wins and finds the killer first buys dinner.
Eh, it's still a good-bye dinner, though, right? When we met, you were traumatized.
I've tried to be supportive and careful, but I'm not exactly palace-born, so if I did something to hurt you or offend you, please just Just tell me what I did wrong.
John So, uh, do you guys come here often? I see Mueller.
Okay, uh, great.
Um, how are you gonna get him back to his room? Sorry, ladies I'm jumping his queue hard.
Okay.
Yeah, that should work.
Whoa! This is a bit against the rules, isn't it? That's what makes it so hot.
- Yeah.
Whoa.
- Check him for weapons.
He could still be the assassin, so be careful.
Don't let him catch on to you.
Whoa.
Yeah! - Aren't you tired of rules? - Definitely.
Though, they they do still serve a purpose, don't they? I mean, you know, devil's advocate, but Search the room for cameras and entry points.
You been working out? I'm a little nervous.
Sorry.
This is my first Ten.
I'm due.
Overdue.
What's marriage anyway, right? It's time to live a little.
Sample life's lady platter.
- I don't want your lady platter.
- Pardon? No, I-I-I mean, I'm sure I'm sure it's lovely.
You seem lovely.
You're a bit enthusiastic, but it's not your fault.
Ladies have needs.
I'm sorry.
Look It's hey.
Uh, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
We could cuddle.
Looks like you're not gonna have to guard him for too much longer.
Found a falsified guest ID.
I'm guessing that's our killer.
Shit.
There's no photo ID.
Let me see if I can track the bracelet that's linked to the account.
Please hurry.
Got it.
Got it.
Killer's on the move.
Where? Just getting in the elevator now.
Should be headed to the suites.
Should be at your floor in five I had them block me from matching - Four - Because I-I didn't - You wanted to be unmatchable? - Two Johnny, we've got the wrong target.
One.
John? Terrible strip-tease.
I want my money back.
Oh, I don't tease.
I deliver.
So whoever sent you here to interrupt my kill is going to be very disappointed.
Look out for the poison.
She'll have it on her.
Gross! Double gross! Good news I found the poison.
Johnny! Out of the way.
This one's mine.
Left palm, poison patch.
Don't let her touch you.
- Need help? - No, thanks.
Holy shit.
Ahh! Okay, seriously, what kinda princess moves are those? The kind that just saved your life.
How do we get her out of here without people seeing her? We're good.
I control the elevator Uh, just a small problem.
I don't seem to control my knees.
John, did she touch you? I guess so.
That's bad, right? Rise and shine.
- Is that parnum oil? - Wakes up the nerves.
I wanna make sure you really feel this.
Sister of the trade, I take it.
How's your friend? In worse pain than you.
Where's the antidote? No one does a poison job without one.
If you swallowed it, I will find it.
Shit.
What's the lock code? Please, he's running out of time.
Sorry.
Can't remember it.
John? John? - Are you dead yet? - No.
I thought you might be dead by now.
Yeah, well, I'm not, damn it.
What do you What do you want, ship? How can I tell when Yalena needs help? I was hoping I wouldn't have to use these anymore, but I guess running isn't the same as escaping.
Did you think you'd start over? Have a normal life? Little bit.
You can't.
We can't ever be like them again.
Johnny was my chance to try.
He's not like us.
He's decent, and he's kind.
And you're gonna help me save him, because there's one thing that girls like us don't do.
What's that? Die horribly for a job.
And I will make this horrible.
I may not be good for many things, but I'm good for that.
Give me the code.
You don't have to do this.
You can start over.
We can both start over right now.
Just take this first step, and I will take it with you.
Not if you're dead.
Oh, hell.
You're gonna be okay, Johnny.
So are you.
Uh, but I really do need that cure now, okay? Sorry, of course.
I'm impressed.
The assassin and the poison.
Hills is gonna wet himself over this.
Here's your cut.
Should be enough to get you wherever you need to go next.
What about my charges? Hey, kid, why don't you go grab yourself a soda? I'm a man, you know? - Hmm.
- Grown-ass man.
Listen, I used to know someone like you, in your line of work.
It's it's not good.
It's not good for the soul.
What, are you my savior now? Sure, why not? You got a better offer? Listen, you and your partner can haul ass out of my Quad and never come back.
I'm fine with that.
- Or - Or? You know what the best thing about that badge is? Abusing it to make people obey you? It simplifies things: rules, warrants.
Everything's clean and legal.
I don't know, I just figured you might be someone who might like something secure like that.
Standing offer.
The Interstellar's all over my ass on this.
So, hotshot, you recruit her? Why didn't you tell me the truth? Yeah.
"Hello, stranger.
"Thank you for rescuing me from my tortured life "and being my only friend.
"And did I mention that I'm a mass murderer? Anyway, where should we go next?" I mean, your elevator pitch needs work, but I don't know how to be a good person.
How do you tell someone that? Doesn't matter, 'cause I wouldn't have believed you.
She was wrong, you know.
People change.
Everything changes.
That's natural law.
Liquids become gases.
Bodies become soil.
Trained killers become healthy, well-adjusted citizens? Not by running.
What if this time, we stayed? We went straight, we joined the RAC? I mean, I would look great in a uniform.
But what if I'm no good at normal? Well, then, Yalena Yardeen, I would like to formally propose - a Killjoys Tooyear.
- What? Give me your finger.
Come on.
I think you will like the shit out of normal, but if not, in two years, we renew our partnership or reneg.
No blame, no tears.
Okay? Kay.
Well, all right, then.
Let's go toast and make it official, Queenie! Hey, you can't call me that anymore.
We're starting over, remember? New life, new identity? Fine.
Duchess.
Hey, that's a demotion! Oh, I'm well aware.
Duchess.
You lied, you know.
You said the thief saved my life, but he didn't.
- I saved his.
- You saved each other.
That's what you need to remember.
You always save each other.
What did he save her from? Me.
Aneela? I'm not the only one who needs you.
- Go.
- In a moment.
This first.
Tell me the real lesson.
That John's a cheeky asshole, that I run too much.
Fine, what's the lesson? When you are lost, when you are breaking, when you have no strength left to fight her, find John Jaqobis.
He is your true north, your only way home.
Do you understand? I need you to be brave.
Are you angry with me? I should never have brought her to you as a child.
I thought you were gonna take care of her.
If we don't do something soon, the Lady will break her.
She was always going to break her, Neelie.
The only thing we can control is when.
What did you do? I hid something.
Where is she going? To face the Lady while she still has a chance to win.
Win how? She's alone out there.
Not if she listened.
The rest is up to her.
Okay.
You want me, you bitch? Come and get me! A story can't save my life, Khlyen.
This one can.
It can save all of us.
It's the story of a lovely, lonely warrior and the thief who is about to save us all.